Bloodsport
by DarkBard0
Summary: Love is just a bloodsport.  FF slash - don't like don't read!
1. Chapter 1

Title: Bloodsport  
**Author:** darkbardzero  
**Fandom**: Criminal Minds  
**Pairings**: Jennifer Jareau/Emily Prentiss  
**Ratings**: 18

**Summary:** ''Love is just a Bloodsport.''  
**Disclaimers**: All things Criminal Minds belong to people other than me. I just write stuff.  
**Author's** **Notes**: Well, this is something that was originally part of a drabble I wrote in the CM music challenge. Back then, I was nudged and encouraged by **Steppenwolf_20** to write it full length. So here it is! It's been in the works for quite a while due to various reasons, but it's on the tracks now.  
**Thank You: **To **Steppenwolf_20** for suggesting it, **Sofia_Lindsay** for not letting me give up on it early on, and **Heidimaggs22** for supporting me, batting ideas around, putting up with rants and waffles, beta'ing and for being my rock!

XXXX

''_Drink! Drink! Drink!''_

_The boom of voices, almost everyone in the bar joining in with__the chorus, spurred JJ along in her quest. _

_It was a shack of a place, really. A little dingy with dull hanging lights and a couple of ceiling fans that were so old she thought they could be considered antiques__by now. The walls obviously hadn't been touched since before she was born, and the floor was gaudy and the tables a little wobbly and sticky. Yet, she loved it here. Actually, she practically lived here when she wasn't studying, training or sleeping. Framed pictures lined the walls, ancient prints of posters too, mixed in with__plenty of law enforcement paraphernalia, football flags and helmets. _

_The barely turned 24-year-old let the beat of the voices provide her a rhythm as she picked up the last of her tequila shots, downing the burning liquid easily. Now it was time for the harder part of this 'competition'. She had already taken the 5 set out shots, now it was time to see just how far she could get with the beers. 3 cold old style beer mugs were lined up before her, and she would be damned if she finished after her competitor. Only a few had managed all 8 drinks in a row, she was aware of that. But as long as you drank more than who you were racing, you won. JJ was _not_ a graceful loser. If she did something, she was in it to win._

_The enthusiastic crowd continued to chant, along with a couple of friends that leant close to her, shouting their encouragement like personal gurus. She let the flow take over her, and before she knew it, she had drowned the last lick of beer from the last mug, then haphazardly moved to turn each mug and shot glass over so they were lined upside down, proving that she had drank it all. As soon as she did a loud and echoing chorus of cheers erupted into the excited atmosphere of the bar._

_JJ stood up, thrusting her hands in the air victoriously even though she staggered a little as she turned around. She laughed as one of her friends caught her by the waist, cheering as he held her in place. _

''_What place does she take on the board Burney?''_

_A voice called out, making everyone, including JJ, to turn back to the bar. She grinned like a fool at the guy that had challenged her to the drinking race, offering out a hand toward him for good will. He laughed, shaking it with a rather impressed look in his eyes. He had thought for sure he'd be able to drink twice as much as she could, given her slight of frame and innocent essence. Seemed it wasn't true. After they had shaken hands, they both looked back at the owner of their beloved dive of a bar. An older guy, once a beat cop but retired after he met the business end of a bullet that only barely left him alive. He had__set up the place for the next generation__s__ to come to._

_The rounded, vaguely scruffy man grinned down at the board, working out some of the names on there as he took down JJ's race time that he had been keeping with a stopwatch. Writing down her preferred nickname, he then lifted it up, causing another round of cheers to sound out around the bar. And yet again, JJ cheered, arms shooting straight back up into the air._

_2__nd__ place was a hell of a place to be on that board!_

_An hour later and some more beers made for an extremely wasted young FBI Cadet. She laughed heartily at the conversation that she was having with her friends, all sitting around one of the rickety old tables just shooting the breeze. They were celebrating tonight, having completed one of the hardest obstacle courses they'd had yet along with a firearms proficiency. _

''_Hey, anyone wanna play darts?''_

_The buzzed blonde asked, eyes flashing as a roll of groans swept across the table._

''_What?''_

_She asked innocently, squeaking slightly at their teasingly grim faces. Her friend Glenn, the one that had kept her from falling on her ass earlier, shook his head quickly and flailed his hands in the air._

''_No way! Not with you! Even when you're wasted you beat the crap out of us.''_

_He pointed out, not daring to go yet another humiliating round with the scarily well aimed blonde. She grinned at him mischievously, silently reveling in his fear to play with her. She had to admit, she did love wiping the floor with these guys. It was so damn easy._

''_Pool?''_

''_No!''_

_JJ outright laughed at the chorus, shrugging lightly in an 'oh well' kind of way. They had quickly found out that she was more or less a game shark, but then it was their fault for teasing her about being the baby of the bunch and for all the blonde jokes they aimed her way. She had to get them back somehow._

''_I'll play you.''_

_Everyone looked up, wondering just where this new voice had come from. JJ's friends either snickered or laughed as they clapped their eyes on a woman standing at the bar, back leant against it with her elbows propped on it. She was hot. Like, smoking hot! And judging from the smoldering look she was gearing toward JJ, every one of them knew what she wanted. And no one blamed her for it._

_JJ herself was speechless. Actually rendered unable to speak, as bluer than blue eyes all be it a little hazier than normal, reached the woman in front of her. She was breathtaking, and instantly JJ felt herself sober up just a little bit. Felt her insides twist, and butterflies begin to flap in her stomach. She wasn't sure if she had seen anyone like this girl before. JJ wanted her. Never let it be said that she didn't have a weakness for beautiful women. She didn't even know this girls name and she wanted her. And like she had thought before, when she was in something, she was in it to win._

''_Can you handle it?''_

_The blonde retorted smoothly, raising an eyebrow and matching the intensity of the look she was being given with her own eyes. Making it clear that she was flirting, making it clear what her intentions were. Her friends let out a soft round of 'ooh's', making herself and the stranger smile slightly. _

''_Sure baby, I can handle it.''_

_The dark beauty replied, just as smooth, a lop sided smirk covering her lips. She narrowed her eyes, the sparkle of challenge swirling in deep chocolate depths. She was tall, maybe an inch over JJ herself, with a slender, athletic figure. Silky smooth skin, naturally darker, showing her Portuguese lineage. She had burning chocolate eyes that flickered with mischief and oozed confidence, but not so much that it was arrogant. Her jet-black hair shone in the light, the length of it stopping just after her shoulder blades. She was around the same age as JJ, dressed simply in low jeans and a short-sleeved t-shirt that stopped before it met her belt, exposing a band of her midriff. A little like JJ's chosen red t-shirt, which was only intended to ride along with her movements than actually fall short of her belt._

_Sinking the last of her beer, JJ stood up silently, keeping her eye contact on this beautiful stranger as she made her way out from around the table, ignoring the mutters of her friends. She strode along the length of the bar, coming to stand in front of the darker woman, eyes dancing._

''_Lead the way.''_

_It was an hour and a half later that JJ and this Portuguese beauty barreled into her dorm room, stumbling constantly as they blindly tried to maneuver around, mouths fused into a furious, open mouthed kiss. As soon as the door was kicked shut, JJ found herself unceremoniously shoved up against it, pinned there by a delightfully hot body._

''_I'm Delilah, by the way.''_

_The dark goddess muttered, mouth so close to JJ's ear that her breath caused her to shudder. Her hands sprawled out over her sides, fingers smoothing out over the sensitive skin over her ribcages, thumbs grazing teasingly just under her breasts, all over the material of her t-shirt that felt like it was suffocating her right now._

''_JJ. Strip.''_

**4 Years Later**

JJ smiled as she unlocked her apartment door, shouldering her way through before yanking the key out and closing it behind her. She smiled because she was instantly greeted by warmth and a smell that immediately made her mouth water. She hadn't realised how damn hungry she was until she had been greeted by the waft of air from inside, and that was unusual for her.

The 28-year-old FBI Agent let out a breath that she felt she had been holding inside her chest for her entire life. Gladly, she set her go bag down onto the floor near the little hallway table and began to make her way out of the short half hallway and into the living area, turning toward the open planned kitchen that seemed to be empty.

Raising an eyebrow as she looked left then right, JJ proceeded to approach the cooking bench, eyes roaming over the pans on the stove, as well as the scattering of chopped goods left over on the chopping board. Getting to the island, she reached over and picked up a piece of green pepper she found there.

''Baby?''

Unassuming eyes looked around again, spotting a couple of differences in her apartment from when she had left it in the morning. It had been one hell of a long day.

''Hey!''

JJ startled, stepping back quickly as a figure popped up from behind the island in the kitchen space that looked like a stretched out oblong. It was actually a pretty decent apartment, if she didn't say so herself. JJ had thought herself lucky to have found it; she had more than enough space for herself, a good kitchen, a comfortable living room, a healthy sized bedroom and a great bathroom.

''Shit! Christ Delilah, lurk much?''

What she hadn't been expecting was for her girlfriend to pop up, scaring the crap out of her. She had figured that maybe she was in the bedroom or the bathroom while the food simmered and baked. Evidently not. But as charming as ever, Delilah smiled apologetically, cringing ever so slightly.

''I didn't meant to scare you JJ, I'm sorry. I just dropped something and was cleaning it up is all.''

The 27-year-old explained softly with a pang of concern edging into her voice. JJ didn't usually scare so easy. Delilah watched as her lover let out a slow breath, closing her eyes as she ran a hand through her hair slowly.

''No, _I'm_ sorry. Still a little on edge I guess.''

Delilah nodded, wiping her hands on the towel before walking around the island and over toward the blonde.

''Yeah I heard what happened. How's Elle?''

Delilah had caught wind about the hostage situation on the train, heard that Elle along with some other passengers were being held at gunpoint by some sort of mental patient. She had tried to call JJ earlier in the day, but her call had gone straight to voicemail and since then she had decided not to bother her, figuring they would be pretty full on busy over in Texas.

''She's okay, tired and still a little shocked although she's too stubborn to admit it. I just dropped her off at home. She'll be fine.''

Delilah nodded as JJ informed her, reaching up to push some blonde strands out the way of her face as the other smoothed up and down her jacket suit clad arm.

''And you? Are you okay?''

''I'm tired too, but I'm fine. Hungry!''

A glimmer of playfulness moved in through JJ's eyes as she smirked, making Delilah chuckle slightly as she nodded again, groaning slightly.

''Gee what a surprise, Jennifer Jareau is hungry. Shocker!''

JJ huffed in mock offence, shoving her girlfriend lightly as she pouted.

''Shut up and feed me.''

She insisted in a cute 'grumpy' voice. Delilah laughed lightly, pulling JJ nearer by her belt loops.

''How 'bout I just shut up and kiss you?''

''That works.''

JJ barely had chance to get her words out before their lips met solidly, but with no rush or urgency. The kiss was leisurely and lethargic, aimed at connecting and relaxing. JJ's hands slipped up into long black hair as Delilah's fingers wrapped around her hips, thumbs managing to find skin that they smoothed along softly.

''Eu te amo, Belo.''

JJ smiled at Delilah's husky, heartfelt whisper, stroking through her hair as she kissed her gently once more before leaning her forehead against hers.

''I love you too.''


	2. Chapter 2

As usual thank you to my girlfriend who is full of awesomeness :) And to answer some confused questions, no I haven't gone mad and tagged Emily by mistake/for no reason. The story speaks for itself and will come to light.

XXX

**1 Year Later**

''Forrester.''

JJ smiled softly at the automatic, simple greeting. All business and distraction. So familiar. It was odd, JJ thought, how law enforcement could mould you into habit. How it could direct so many thousands to pick them up, including the manner of which you answered your phone. JJ had to admit, she did it too. But what was even odder was when the woman you loved, the woman you knew intimately, answered her phone in such a professional manner, when you had seen her in every other light but.

JJ knew Delilah's ins and outs, emotionally, intellectually and physically. You didn't go 5 years without that happening. She knew her laugh, she knew each shade of her eyes, knew her skin, and knew her voice. She knew she liked to sing in the shower, would drink milk out of the carton, preferred to wear boy pants, hated wearing shoes when she didn't have to and loved the tattoo that sprawled out along her lower back in fine and beautiful ink.

JJ knew that Delilah had been born in Panama and raised there until she was 6, learning her fluent Portuguese from her Mother and surrounding family. She knew she was bewildered between having faith and having religion, knew how hard it was to pull away from her family's belief but did so anyway because she couldn't hide or betray who she was. She knew it hurt Delilah to gain such high disapproval from her Mother, who insulted JJ every chance she got, thinking that JJ wouldn't know because she would never say it in English, and it made Delilah angry.

JJ knew where to touch her and when. She knew what Delilah wanted and how she wanted it. Knew each moan and mutter, knew the most sensitive patches on her sink, knew what turned her on. She knew Delilah trusted her with her body when she was being anything but gentle, and knew she gave herself over freely to when she was.

JJ knew that Delilah was compassionate and deep, funny and goofy, and could be cocky and stubborn too. She knew what her job meant to her, and knew that her heart pained at the sights she saw working Baltimore's sex crime department. JJ just knew her, all of her.

''Detective Forrester, you sound distracted.''

The young Agent drawled pointedly, the hint of seductive teasing running through her voice. She bit down on her bottom lip, trying hard not to laugh a little as she pictured her girlfriend's face.

''Never too distracted for the glamour of the FBI. What can I do for you, Agent Jareau?''

JJ let a lop sided smirk dance onto her lips as her shimmering bright blue eyes stared out into the blue of the sky, and the white fluff of the clouds that the jet cut through from time to time. It looked a pretty day out there. Crisp and clear. But her knowledge of what was going on out there destroyed the beauty of it, as she knew they were getting closer and closer to not one, but two serial killers.

''The boys and I are on route to Missouri right now. St Louis. I thought I'd better call.''

The blonde explained with a very slight sigh, eyes ripping away from the view outside the jet window to glance across at her fellow team, who all had their heads stuck in the case files she had given them. Reid looked ever so troubled, and she could tell that all kinds of statistics were running through his head right now. The poor kid knew so much that he tended to feel so helpless when that knowledge couldn't do any immediate help.

JJ had slipped to the back of the jet, making herself comfortable in one of the corner seats and hunkering down, propping her feet up on the opposite chair so she could open her own case file out on her lap. It had been such a hectic morning that she had realised that she had yet to inform her girlfriend on her whereabouts. And the last time she had done that, Delilah had driven up to find an empty apartment. It was needless to say she had been less than joyous about that.

''Missouri huh? Some sort of abductions, right?''

Delilah attempted vaguely, indicating to JJ that she had seen one of the more general newscasts this morning. Or maybe last night. She grunted softly, nodding to herself as she picked up one of the many pictures of the victims in these two cases. So many women.

''It's a little more complicated than that. There are two operating in the same area. The 'Mill Creek Killer' and the 'Hollow Man'. Honey we'll be here for at least a few days. I'm sorry I know we were supposed to go to dinner tomorrow night.''

After staring at the picture of a once bright young woman, JJ sighed and put it back into the file, moving her hand up to rub her forehead slowly, cringing slightly as regret filled her voice this time. She didn't know why she wasn't just used to cancelling by now, it happened a lot. Mostly by her, but sometimes Delilah too. It was the nature of their jobs.

''It's okay baby, we'll do it when you get home.''

''Oh yeah? Think you're that lucky, huh? I could have a headache!''

Given that she was headed into a few days of solid and grueling work, JJ took the opportunity to immediately turn Delilah's more or less innocent words into something else. She grinned like a fool as she did, not being able to help her eyebrows from arching up suggestively.

''You want me and you know it Jareau! Besides, there's two things you never turn down. Sex and food.''

JJ outright laughed, though still tried to keep to herself so she didn't disturb the others.

''I could make something of that too, but I think it spoke for itself. I really am sorry Del, we'll do something else I promise, my treat.''

''You have nothing to be sorry for, Bonita. Careful out there while you're kicking ass first and taking names later!''

JJ smiled, comforted by having just a handful of moments to herself to talk to her girlfriend. To have something soft and personal and intimate, all wrapped in the familiarity and shorthand they had together.

''Always. I love you.''

''I love you too.''

JJ let her hand drop slowly, disconnecting the call from her Blackberry before her eyes settled on the outside sky again. She watched the wisps of clouds roll by as she frowned intently at them, her thoughts beginning to make the shift from personal to professional. That transition was well and truly broken as Morgan turned in his seat, drooping himself over the back of it before puckering up and making exaggerated kissing noises across at her.

''_I lov__es __you JJ_! _I miss you JJ_! _Oh delicious Portuguese sweet nothings in your ear JJ_!''

He teased playfully, putting on a high and girly voice and doing his best impression of smoldering, giving JJ a picture of just how he would have tortured his older sisters back when he was a kid. Morgan had the most immature expression splattered across his face right then, and as much as she didn't want to give him the satisfaction, she still laughed although she did manage to roll her eyes before pouting petulantly, realising that the other three chuckled softly at his immaturity. Seems they were looking for a moment to touch base with something comfortable too, and it seemed like she was their way to that.

''Shut up Morgan!''

It was four days later that JJ returned to the oh so familiar offices of the BAU. Four days, two killers and six check in phone calls with her lover. Part of her wished that Delilah would be in her apartment to greet her, but part of her wanted nothing better than to roll in her home, pour a glass of wine and take a bath before crawling into bed and lapsing into a coma.

It could get difficult, living in two different cities. Over just an hour of distance always between them, always one of them having to make the commute to the other. And on their schedules, that could be an arduous task. Part of her hated it, while part of her liked it. She loved her girlfriend, but still, part of JJ liked the freedom she still got to have, whereas others tended not to. She had always been skittish around relationships; her parents had been a less than shining example of what love and marriage was supposed to be. So there had been plenty of girls and a lack of serious relationships in her past. Delilah was her longest commitment, one that had surprisingly lasted out of a meant to be one night stand.

That night in the bar breezed back into her memory. The flow of drinks, the cheering and the game playing. She and Delilah had managed to flirt around the pool table for maybe an hour before they had left, uninterested in the game of pool but rather much more interested in the game of sex. Never in a million years had JJ expected to wake up in the morning and actually enjoy the conversation that had sprung up. Never expected to find things in common, find things she liked about the stranger. Never expected herself to end up in this commitment, especially with just over 65 miles between them. In the grand scheme of things it wasn't that much, but it was enough.

Running a hand through her hair and sighing lightly, the tired Agent glanced at her watch before reaching forward and scooping up a pile of files from her desk. JJ figured if she did this now, it would be one less job in the morning to worry about.

The hallways were darkened, and as she pushed her way into the BAU bullpen, she realised that no one else was there. Save Hotch, she knew that without even having to look in his office. It was a common joke between them these days on who spent more time there between the two of them. But, she had a girlfriend in Baltimore and he had a wife she suspected gave him a hard time at the end of the day. Staying at work seemed to be the comfort fall back for both of them.

JJ crossed from desk to desk, placing files on the ones they needed to go on, frowning in thought as she did so. She heard her boss's door click open and shut lightly, causing her to look up, expecting to see the stoic unit chief heading home. But she didn't. Instead, she saw a woman. A woman that even in the dull and soft shade of the sidelights around the office, radiated with such a striking beauty that JJ was sure that her heart skipped a couple of beats. Certainly, it stopped the breath in her throat and made her jaw drop slightly in the very least.

The other woman, older than her, dark hair and dark eyes, hadn't seemed to notice her yet. Instead, she hovered outside of Hotchner's office door, holding a box. She seemed to be taking a moment, and JJ took that opportunity to stare, she couldn't help herself. When her heart finally caught up with her, it pounded hard inside her chest, her breath having sped up slightly as her mouth went dry. Instantly she was attracted to this woman, instantly she was drawn to her in a completely different way than she had ever been attracted or drawn to anyone in her life. She saw something, around her, within her. JJ didn't know what it was yet, but she saw it, and immediately she felt like she had to know what it was. Had to get to know this woman, had to be part of her and have her be part of her. She wanted her.

JJ screwed her eyes shut for a second, those were _not_ the kind of thoughts a devoted girlfriend had about another woman. Particularly a stranger. She had no idea who this dark beauty was for crying out loud, yet every fiber of her being was responding to her like she had known her all her life. And although somewhere in the back of her mind JJ knew she was on dangerous territory if she kept having these thoughts, she stepped forward and cleared her throat anyway.

''Hey, can I help you with anything?''

She asked politely, hoping that her voice wouldn't betray her to this woman. Her heart skipped again as dark eyes turned onto her now that she had made her presence known. It shouldn't have felt like a truck had slammed into her when those eyes met hers, and it certainly shouldn't have felt so good.

Her own eyes shouldn't have been able to connect so readily with the bottomless dark orbs, shouldn't have been able to see certain things there. But they did. Instantly JJ could see the layers, spiraling along like a winding staircase, leading right to her very soul. She could see the hope crossing with relief and sheer terror, anticipation and anxiety though underpinned with a quiet but strong confidence. She had only been looking this woman in the eye for a couple of seconds but she could see.

''Hi, yeah. I think I'm a little lost, obviously! Facilities management?''

God the timbre of her voice was divine, sent shivers down her spine as each accentuated word poured out. There was an underlying rawness to it, causing so many reactions in her that JJ was seriously beginning to worry about herself. Was this normal? Was this just the case playing with her head? Was it her just missing contact with her girlfriend? It couldn't have been, could it?

''Facilities management?''

JJ squeaked slightly, curious now as to why this woman was asking. Though, she got a feeling as to why. Of its own volition, her body moved forward, crossing the space as the dark haired woman stepped down the stairs, crossing slowly to meet her, until they were a couple of feet away from each other. Everything that JJ had been feeling intensified with the proximity of this stranger.

''Yeah, Agent Hotchner said I could ask them about a desk? I'm starting here tomorrow.''

JJ gulped. She was starting there tomorrow. They would be working together. _Everyday_. Was it getting hotter in the building, or was it just her? Still, JJ tried to restrain herself. Tried to hide the reactions that the other woman was eliciting. But as she looked into her penetrating dark eyes, the blonde began to get the distinct impression that she actually knew what kind of reactions she was having. That she was aware of her attraction to her, and not only did she not mind that, but she returned it. It was something unspoken, something that they seemed to recognize and even acknowledge in their eyes like the beginnings of some silent language.

''Oh. Well then, welcome to the team…''

Trying to shake it off and drag herself back up to a professional level, JJ let her sentence trail off as she gestured with a flail of her hand, eyes sparkling expectantly. She couldn't help but smirk very lightly at the roll of dark eyes and the exhale of breath as the woman realised she hadn't introduced herself. Right then, JJ found her endearing. Right then, JJ saw the sweet side, the geeky side that had been tucked away the moments before. It was absolutely heartening, so soft and perfect.

''Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I'm Emily Prentiss.''

JJ bit the inside of her lip as she tried not to flat out grin at the sweet display of Emily's self recrimination and obvious internal cursing. She shifted the box though, offering out a hand toward JJ politely.

As soon as JJ took it, she knew nothing that she had initially felt before was anything compared to now. The only way to describe it was electric, or liquid fire. It shot through her as soon as she took Emily's hand. One simple touch causing so much so suddenly, making her feel lightheaded and a little weak. Their eyes didn't separate, the gravity of the connection already set in both their eyes, still unspoken. But they knew it was there, and they both knew the other one felt it.

JJ had no idea what was going on. No idea what had come over her, why she was feeling the way she was feeling, or responding like this. No idea why she felt like Emily had somehow just crawled beneath her skin, and worried about her thinking that it wasn't such a bad thing.

God she needed a drink.

''I'm Jennifer Jareau. JJ. Why don't you just skip facilities management, there's only one desk free anyway. I'll let them know in the morning that you've taken it.''

Trying to compose herself, JJ smiled as she introduced herself, clearing her throat lightly as she reluctantly took her hand back. To hide the disappointment of the loss of physical contact, JJ's eyes flicked downward for a moment, but she figured that was a mistake given that it afforded her the chance to take in Emily's form.

The way her dark jeans fit around her perfectly, the black sweater hugging in all the right, knuckle biting places. God and the belt, JJ didn't even know what to say about the belt. So she looked up again quickly, a little flushed which turned into a pinch of quiet embarrassment as she saw the sparkle in Emily's eyes that told her she knew exactly what she had just been doing. There was a soft look of amusement covering her beautiful pale features, her lips curling into a lop sided smirk that made JJ's stomach flip.

''That's really nice of you, thanks.''

The shade of Emily's voice changed slightly, oozed that sweetness she had seen a moment ago, appreciative of being welcomed and helped so readily. But beneath that was the knowledge of what was in the air between them, the knowing of being so shamelessly checked out by JJ's roaming eyes. It held that confidence that she had noticed about her a few moments ago, but it wasn't even close to arrogance. It also indicated a reflection; one JJ knew that was a reflection of her own appraisal of Emily.

It excited her that Emily was telling her, albeit subtly and silently, using her ability to layer her voice with meaning, that she liked her too. She was telling her it was okay. But JJ knew it was far from okay.

''No problem. It's this one, right here.''

JJ turned slightly, gesturing to the empty desk save for a lamp, computer and desk phone. Everything personal had been taken away already, leaving it ready for its next occupant. Having been looking at the desk, past memories of Elle sitting there drifting across her mind, that JJ was surprised as Emily leant forward in front of her, placing her box on the surface, but coming extremely close to her in the process. But of course, she had known that.

JJ though, let her eyes flutter close, biting the inside of her lip again as she breathed in, reveling in the soft scent of the other woman. Her perfume was crisp and unique, though understated and quite subtle. Expensive, you didn't get that kind of understatement with out it being extremely high end. Blending in with the scent of shampoo, and what was undoubtedly Emily's own natural fragrance, JJ thought that it was possibly the most phenomenal smell she had ever come across. And it told her a lot about Emily.

Told her, like her clothes, like the way she moved and the way she spoke, that there was a lot of old money behind her, but she didn't care to flaunt it. That she liked being understated, she liked her subtlety. Emily was all refinement and grace, elegance and sophistication. Yet she wasn't at the same time. She was elusive and radiant, and JJ felt that pull toward her tug even harder. The pull to explore those depths, in more ways than one.

JJ swallowed, hard. Those kinds of thoughts were what led you into trouble. Those kinds of thoughts were what led you to being in hot water with the woman you were involved with already.

JJ had never been a slave to temptation, not many anyway. She had her vices. In school and college, it had been girls. Not so much that she was a total player, and she had never lied or led them along. An honest heartbreaker, if there was such a thing. Since she had turned 16 and her Dad let her have her first cup of coffee, that had turned into another of her vices. She did love her coffee. There were more, some subtle ones that were more of a now and then indulgence, some bigger than that. And she wasn't blind; her eyes did find women that she thought were attractive. But they had never elicited sensations like this. Didn't tempt her like this right from the very moment she spotted them. Emily did.

Immediately she knew she wanted to explore those depths in her eyes. Hear about the experiences she could see there, comfort the pain she saw there. Unleash the passion she saw there. She wanted to explore every single inch of silky smooth and pale skin under those clothes, wanted to feel that gloriously dark hair in her fingers, wanted to hear just how far that voice would go until it broke, wanted to not only smell but taste and experience the most intimate and intense of places.

And that all terrified her. Because she didn't know this woman. Because she had never thought like this before. Because she had a _girlfriend_. One that she loved, had been with for so long, that she knew loved her passionately, that she was making tentative plans to move in with when she finally got a transfer into this city.

Emily Prentiss terrified the crap of her, because she questioned and challenged everything she was made of, and everything she had built so far. And she had done it within the space of a few minutes, without uttering a single word on the subject. Yet her fascination, her desire, stopped her from pulling away.

''I erm…I'm a little nervous, I admit.''

JJ opened her eyes, again feeling a wave of disappointment rush through her as Emily moved away, her tone having hushed slightly with a slightly huskier lilt to it. She slipped her fingers into her pockets, rocking on the balls of her feet once before looking up. She had felt the tension there just like JJ had, but was also struggling to battle down the nerves she was feeling too. JJ was aware that Emily didn't normally say things like that, despite not knowing her. She could tell by the way she said it, the look in her eyes, almost shy and retreating. She had felt like she could say it to her though, because of their acknowledgment.

''It's okay, don't worry. We all felt like that at first. I'm sure you'll be fine. And you know, if you have any questions or…anything, my office is right down the hall. And you can put my number on your cell.''

JJ didn't let her eyes drift as she reached into her back pocket and pulled out her credentials, opening them enough to pull one of her cards out of it before holding it up toward Emily. She was aware of what the flip side of her words had meant. What it invited from the other woman, and later she would curse herself for it. Because this wasn't a game. This wasn't supposed to be anything.

She had a girlfriend, a very loyal one that right now would probably be worrying , wondering if she would remember to eat tonight or get enough rest. Yet here she was, feeling all these feelings and telling Emily that she could call her, for anything.

''Thank you. I will.''

Emily took the card from her fingers gently, holding it delicately as she nodded in understanding. JJ swallowed hard again, trying to pull herself together. Clearing her throat lightly as she frowned for a moment, trying to shake off the spell that had blanketed over her, she nodded once also as she took a breath in.

''You're welcome. So, I guess I'll be seeing you tomorrow. If you want, I'll give you a run through of protocols and procedures before the briefing. Help you get a little more settled before you hit the ground running.''

She offered before she could really stop herself. More alone time with Emily before she managed to figure out just what the hell was going on with her wasn't extremely advisable. But the older woman actually looked quite touched that she had offered, her nerves having been quelled slightly because of it that she wasn't going to go back on her word. Didn't want to, anyway.

''Thank you, that would be great, Jennifer.''

JJ stalled, her heart leaping into her throat at the way her name sounded coming from Emily. She doubted she had heard it said so amazingly, so beautifully. Never thought that the name she had never cared for in any particular way would sound so wonderful. Instantly her mind wondered how many other ways Emily could say it, and what she could be doing to her that would make her say it.

''See you in the morning.''

JJ breathed, knowing she had to leave right now. Those flashes in her mind were not that of a respectable manner. Weren't professional, weren't advisable, and definitely weren't technically loyal. So she inched away, aware that Emily watched her until she disappeared.

The coolness of the hallway made her a little dizzy, and once she had thrown herself into her office she panted lightly, frowning in thick bewilderment. She just needed to go home. That was it. She just needed to go home, get a hot shower and shake everything off. Tomorrow was another day, and maybe the light of it after a nights sleep would help.

When she stepped into her apartment however, the thick cloud that had fogged up around her head hadn't dissipated. She had spent most of the drive in a daze, running on autopilot to navigate her car through traffic and into the secured parking lot of her apartment building. She had managed to smile at a couple of the other tenants that she saw randomly when she was actually at home, before pouring herself through her door after unlocking it, ready to turn into the shower.

''Surprise!''

JJ blinked, surprised being the key word as she stopped in her tracks to look across at Delilah. There was a bag sitting on the couch, and considering that her Detective's badge was sitting proudly on her belt, along with her weapon and the fact she still had her shoes on told JJ that her girlfriend hadn't been there for long. Probably arrived only just before her.

''What…what're you doing here?''

She uttered, still blinking in surprise as she lowered her own bag to the floor. Delilah smiled, running a hand through long black hair as she switched one of the lamps at the far side of the room on.

''Oh, I took the night shift tomorrow to cover for Dmitri. I figured I'd drive up here and spend the night with you, sleep a little tomorrow and head back in the afternoon. It was something to do with his son…or his Grandma…obviously I wasn't listening because he's an idiot and pisses me off something…''

So into explaining, then scowling at the thought of one of the other Detective's who everyone knew she secretly loved to pieces despite adamant objections, as well as slipping out of her shoes, Delilah didn't see JJ cross the room. She was shocked to be effectively cut off by an insistent, rather possessive and hungry mouth.

She blinked, too taken aback at first to let herself respond. JJ was being forceful and aggressive, making her reaction stall for a second as her brain adjusted. Not that it needed much time. Within a second, Delilah relaxed in JJ's hold on her, and began to respond to the hot and hungry kisses. Her hands wound themselves in silky blonde hair as JJ backed her up against the far wall of the apartment, pushing the weight of her body into her, making her groan slightly into the open mouthed kisses.

JJ hands moved from hips, one set of fingers curling around the familiar cold metal of a firearm, releasing the holster from her girlfriend's belt, leaning over to place it on a nearby shelf without breaking their mouths activities. The other set of fingers unclipped the gold shield on the other side of Delilah's belt, and she dropped it onto the floor near the other woman's shoes. Quickly, she moved her hand back to strip herself of her own firearm, once again reached to find a nearby shelf to put it on safely. After she did, all bets were off.

Delilah pushed her back, no longer willing to be pinned against the wall. JJ stretched her arms back in effort to help her girlfriend push the suit jacket from her shoulders, not caring that it ended up as a heap on the floor. Immediately, Delilah tucked her fingers under the edge of her mustard coloured sleeveless pull over, yanking it up over her head and also tossing that aside. She was about to go for the buttons on JJ's crisp white shirt too, but the blonde moved first, pulling Delilah's own top up over her head. But Delilah had on less than JJ, and the removal of her top left her in only her black bra, and she sighed softly as her girlfriend's hands moved over her skin and her mouth kissed, nipped and licked along her neck.

''I love you.''

JJ whispered hotly against her neck, hand moving up to palm a bra clad breast, causing another moan as Delilah became a slave to her touch for a moment. Her head was tipped slightly, giving her full access to her neck, enjoying the sensations she was making there. JJ felt her nod sloppily as her hands weaved into her hair again.

''I know, I love you too.''

No sooner as the words had spilt out in a heated whisper, JJ found herself yanked up into a furious kiss, this time letting Delilah start her mission of unbuttoning her shirt quickly, yanking her out of it as soon as it was humanly possible.

This was definitely what she had needed, what the problem had been. After four days out on a tough case, after not seeing Delilah for almost a week, JJ was just out of touch with herself. This is exactly what she needed, to vent, to release. To feel something and connect. She needed to touch her lover, and be touched by her. To remember what grounded her. To just simply take pleasure in and from her lover. Tomorrow would definitely be another day. All she needed was Delilah.

In Washington D.C, Emily laid still in her bed, hands behind her head. Her eyes lingered out into the darkness through the huge wall window, and at the glimmering lights of the city, including those on Capitol Hill. Strange, that she had chosen an apartment with the perfect view of where politics came alive. She hated politics. She hated what it did to people, what it had done to her own family, her own Mother. It was a strange torture that she had inflicted upon herself by moving in here once she had been assigned back to D.C, but she had been oddly mesmerized by the view. The apartment was beautiful though, and she did have a downfall for beautiful things.

Emily knew she wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight. Tomorrow she would be starting her dream job, one where she was sure she was going to be watched very closely. Hotchner was weary of her, she knew that. And she supposed he had every right to be. But it also chagrinned her that his automatic assumption was that she was a fox in the rabbit hole, that her rich and political Mommy and Daddy had pulled strings for her, using the high ups in the FBI to land her this job. They hadn't. She had worked so hard to get transferred into this unit. All she needed to do now was prove it, and prove she was good enough to be there, because she was. She was sure she would be questioned to her motives at some point, but she would handle it.

She moved in her four-poster bed, Egyptian sheets remaining steady as she did, providing her warmth and comfort. On her side facing the window now, Emily continued to blink as she let her eyes drift along the expanse of the view she was afforded. Her stomach buzzed, the butterflies flapping in hurried and excited motions. Emily knew though that some of those butterflies weren't just flapping because of this opportunity. They were flapping for an entirely different reason. And that reasons name was Jennifer Jareau.

Despite the fact that she could be downright oblivious to life sometimes, to the people that were apparently attracted to her, Emily was keenly aware of this. She had read the signs right, read the blonde's eyes right. She had seen the inch of fear in them because of it, but not because she was a woman. No, Emily got the distinct impression that Jennifer Jareau was not unaccustomed to coveting women. There was another reason somewhere in those striking blue eyes of hers, and she wanted to know what. She wanted to know _her_. She wanted her.

It was inadvisable to walk into a new job, especially _this _job, and make a play for one of its teams most valuable members. Emily knew what JJ did, the way she tended to have to work alone and the constant demand to be so far beyond competent to handle the rest of the world that came charging at the BAU it was almost impossible, but she did it. And she did it extremely well. And Emily was also aware that this particular Agent was considered somewhat of a rock star amongst her peers, even if she didn't know it. But she couldn't resist the draw to her; she knew it was there for a reason.

Emily had never believed in fairytales, had never had chance to. But she had delved into the stories when she was little, and the stories of different cultures spread along the world. And they were beautiful, and she had a downfall for beautiful things. Not all of them had to be material in the least bit. She didn't believe in love at first sight, but she believed in connection. She believed that maybe, just maybe, if you were lucky enough to stumble on another soul that immediately entwined itself with your own, it could happen. And that opportunity should never, ever be passed up. So she wasn't going to pass it up. She was going to make this into a chess game, rather than playing it quickly she would play it in a series of moves.

Emily really did have that downfall for beautiful things. And Jennifer Jareau was indeed beautiful.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N - Thank you to my beta who just happens to be the best girlfriend ever!

XXX

''_Please?''_

_The excited blonde pleaded sweetly as she put emphasis on the word, batting her eye lashes with that cute little baby face expression of hers and the dazzling sparkle in gorgeous blue eyes. Right now the supposed adult was suspended in a state of childlike rapture, fully of wonder and awe. It never ceased to amaze just how fantastically cute, how carefree and alive JJ could be. Just experiencing eagerly, living in only that moment._

''_Please, please, please, please, please?''_

_The last please came out elongated and emphasized again as the eyelashes continued to bat and the sheer hopefulness and excitement in her eyes made her think of JJ as a child all innocent and sweet, excited by things to come. How many times had that look managed to warm hearts and create smiles, make experiences so much the better because of her presence? Would her child have those precious eyes that melted hearts? _

_Delilah sure as hell hoped so._

''_Okay! Okay I give!''_

_JJ squeaked elatedly and bounced on the spot before lunging forward and wrapping her arms around her girlfriend as she continued to bounce. Delilah grunted at the sudden movement and having the blonde throw herself at her as well as bouncing against her and JJ laughed, in turn making the brunette laugh too._

''_Thank you, thank you, thank you!''_

_JJ giggled richly and Delilah couldn't help but feel the warmth it created wash through her as it reached her ears. Couldn't help but admit to herself that climbing onto that death contraption they called a ride was worth it when it made JJ so happy. That's what she wanted to do, make her happy. Hear that laugh and see that smile, that fantastic glow in her eyes that could light through the blackest darkness._

_JJ was so beautiful. She thought she was average, if that. Thought there wasn't anything particularly striking about her. Delilah disagreed whole-heartedly. Everything was striking about her. Jennifer Jareau was remarkable and Delilah Forrester was determined to spend a very long time making her believe it._

_Delilah grunted again as JJ let go of her so quickly that it caused her to jerk. But she wasn't released for long because in possibly 0.3 seconds after that she felt warm, soft hands on the sides of her face and the familiar feel of velvety lips against her own. Gladly she accepted the kiss, letting JJ open it up into a deep, rolling kiss that was connective and exploratory. Right here in the middle of the carnival. It was perfect. _

_Delilah hummed lightly as JJ gently pulled back, breathing in deeply as she smiled at the blonde. She loved kissing Jennifer. Even when there were other people milling around, even though the sounds of the carnival echoed all around and lights flashing here and there, all of it had been lost in the face of this woman kissing her like that. _

_JJ grinned sweetly before reaching forward and taking her hand. Their fingers entwined together automatically, now an expected, instinctual move. Delilah felt her heart boom and a surge of feeling rush through her body that made her feel like she was high. She felt like a kid again. She couldn't get enough of this feeling. Being with JJ was like taking a fantastical trip into a land of magic where she believed anything could happen. And Delilah had never been that person. Had always been the down to earth, feet on the floor type. Born in a place that had nothing magical but all blood and grit and hard and rough. It hadn't turned her into a hard person as such but it hadn't exactly inspired her into flights of fancy either._

_And now this. Now her. This glorious woman that made her feel like anything was possible. But the most shocking thing was that she did the same for her too. Made her laugh and smile like she just had. It was a revelation to her._

_Delilah only smirked lightly even though JJ's look of pure joy was enough to make her beam. She had to pretend after all that this was a reluctant surrender and of course she had a reputation to keep! But she let herself be led by the hand toward the looming Ferris wheel that had shining lights and squeals of laughter floating down from high carriages. She had no idea why JJ was so obsessed about going on the damn thing but if this is what happened then Delilah thought it was worth it. _

_She didn't object to having to wait in line even, too distracted by having JJ leaning into her closely so she got to wrap her arms around her affectionately, sharing kisses and light laughter from whispers personal to them. Eventually they got to the front and JJ tugged her into one of the rickety carriages like a kid tugged you downstairs because Santa had been. The attendant gave them a wink as he sealed them in and then they were off._

''_Why do you like these things so much?''_

_Delilah enquired curiously as she peered down the side of the carriage to the earth that was steadily getting further and further away. Her attention was brought back to JJ as the blonde squeezed her hand. The breeze tussled through her hair gently and her smooth, perfectly honeycomb skinned cheeks were a little red from the air now. She looked amazing. The smile gracing her lips was magical and mysterious just like the woman herself._

''_Don't you just think there are moments when everything seems possible. When you're suspended in nothing but possibility. Look around.''_

_JJ's tone was quiet and inspiring and she indicated the darkness around them. But when Delilah looked it wasn't darkness anymore. There were sparkling lights mapping out the land like stars mapped out the sky. It actually stole her breath a little as her sense of magic was increased. She had never experienced anything like this and it was only because of JJ that she was doing now. The blonde snuggled close and Delilah wrapped a hand around her shoulders, leaning her head on JJ's as the slightly older woman rested hers on her shoulder._

''_Just breathe. Life is down there. Up here? Anything is possible.'' _

_XXXX_

''_Wakey, wakey beautiful.''_

_JJ grunted at the soft and lightly amused voice that floated from somewhere next to her as she felt the pad of a finger stroke down her nose a couple of times just as gently. The blonde scrunched her nose up and made a muffled noise again in protest of the notion of waking up, her body flexing into a little ball but a playful smirk pulling against her lips._

_She was so very comfortable and warm, perfectly content with this blissful peace surrounding her. The fresh air drifted in from the open window and JJ not only could hear the sea but smell it too. JJ couldn't help but think to herself that she hadn't been this relaxed in so long that she couldn't even remember. No demanding reporters, no desperate Detective's or scrutinizing big wigs of the FBI, no work…but best of all, no damn serial killers. _

''_I dun wanna!''_

_Came the petulant and sleep mumble from the blonde, which raised a highly amused laugh from Delilah. The police officer shuffled properly on the bed on her knees as she chuckled at her lover's childlike behaviour. She had always adored these moments just because of JJ's sweetness during the morning. When she hadn't been disturbed by phone calls to do with work of course. When they could just laze about together with nowhere to go, this is what it tended to be like. But she had a sneaking suspicion that it was extra cute right now because of where they were. Free to just be together and relax and clearly JJ was taking that relaxation thing very seriously._

''_Oh that's mature baby, really!''_

_The brunette whispered with a low chuckle as she leant over JJ to place a gentle single kiss on her lips. _

''_You have to get up if you want to explore today.''_

_Delilah pointed out before skimming kisses along the blonde's jaw. Once again JJ sighed again, still sleepy but with an ounce of resignation in it that meant she knew she really had to get up._

''_Can't you just tell me what's outside so I can stay here?''_

_She wondered innocently._

''_No!''_

_JJ huffed._

''_Fine! I will get up. But there'd better be coffee! Strong coffee!''_

_The reluctant Agent stated still with that sweet childlike petulance before she shifted around to rest on her back as she finally opened her eyes. The striking blue that she still couldn't get over, glowing and brilliant met Delilah. They were in Portugal with the sea right outside, such a beautiful blue sea, and it didn't even hold any competition to JJ's eyes._

''_I will make you coffee!''_

_Delilah agreed as she laughed again. JJ just grinned and nodded with a look that clearly said 'so you should'._

''_It feels good to be here.''_

_The slightly older woman stated softly. It was exactly what was needed; some time off from work and Delilah had been so excited about the prospect of visiting Portugal when they had talked about it. She had so much she wanted to show her, so many people she knew here she wanted to introduce her to, friends and family. This was the third day of just over two weeks away and already JJ felt like everything that had pent up in her from back home had gone. And unlike Delilah's Mother who not so secretly hated her, the couple of family members she had met so far were very welcoming and sweet._

''_I feels good to have you here. Eu te amo, Bela.''_

_Lifting her hands up JJ looked at Delilah as she weaved her fingers into dark hair to push it back so she could see her face. Delilah had straddled her now and she was smiling almost shyly down at her as dark eyes glowed._

''_What's that mean?''_

_She asked softly, accepting the fleeting kiss that Delilah leant down for. The brunette remained there so she could whisper by her ear._

''_I love you Beautiful.'' _

_XXXX_

''_Delilah! Will you pay attention?''_

_JJ sighed in exasperation as she glared across the kitchen breakfast counter at her girlfriend who was currently sporting a goofy, mischievous grin. One that had gotten around JJ plenty of times but today it just seemed to be irking her._

''_I am, I swear. Continue.''_

_Delilah squeaked although JJ was still dubious because of that twinkle in her eyes. She stared at her for a second before taking in a breath and pointing to the counter they were stood on each side of. JJ had laid out various household and kitchen objects to represent the members of each soccer team as she was trying to explain to her giddy girlfriend what the game was all about, and what her position was all about. However Delilah really didn't seem interested._

''_Okay. So, that's me…''_

_JJ pointed to the Tabasco sauce._

''_You got that right!''_

_Delilah snickered but then stopped as JJ shot her another glare. She cleared her throat and clamped her mouth shut quickly, despite the fact she was dying to laugh._

''_I'm the central midfielder, okay?''_

''_I thought you were the Captain?''_

''_I am. Captain isn't a position Del it's a title.''_

''_Oh. Who knew!''_

_JJ groaned._

''_You would if you stopped interrupting me and paid attention!'' _

_The blonde snapped as she began to get irritable. Delilah raised her hands and gestured for her to continue. Once again, JJ tried._

''_There are 11 players on each side. There's goalkeeper, defense, midfield and attack.''_

_JJ pointed to the 'players' along the breakfast counter in turn._

''_My job is to be the link between the defense and the attack, passing the ball and also defending when the other team are in possession of the ball. I basically control the action.''_

_JJ regretted her words immediately. Within a second she sighed as she cringed, closing her eyes as she realised her fatal mistake._

''_You control the action huh? Makes sense, you can be kinda dom! Central midfielders are good at switching, are they? Explains a lot!''_

_As expected Delilah had turned everything she had just said into sexual innuendo. Or, less innuendo and blatantly just about sex. Their sex, in particular. It's the mood she had been in the entire morning and it was driving JJ nuts. All she wanted to do was explain to her girlfriend the game so she could understand it when she came along and watched her today. But everything she said Delilah was fooling around with and not paying attention or giving the slightest damn about it._

''_You know what, forget it.''_

_Delilah stood up properly from having been draped on the counter top._

''_Oh c'mon, I'm just goofing around.''_

''_No you're not, you're pissing me off! If you're not interested then why are you even bothering to come and watch today, it's not like you take it seriously. I learnt your damn softball rules for you!''_

_Delilah flailed slightly as she got the irritated mouthful from the blonde. _

''_Yeah but JJ, you actually like softball. I'm really not interested in soccer baby; I'm going to watch you. I don't need to learn it to cheer for you from the sidelines. All I need is you out there looking super hot in that outfit!''_

_JJ pushed back from the counter as she shook her head, well and truly pissed off now. She couldn't stand here any more it was like trying to throw a book at a wall. If Delilah wasn't going to listen she couldn't teach her, and if she wasn't even damn well interested then she couldn't do anything about that despite that she wanted her to be. It was only a game, it wasn't that hard to learn and JJ would have really liked her to have even if she didn't like it. Obviously that was just too much to ask._

''_You know what, fuck it. I don't care anymore; I'm going for a shower. Do not follow me.''_

_XXXX_

''_Oh my god, get down!''_

''_I won't!''_

_JJ shook her head as she covered her face with her hands. God she was so embarrassed right now, her face she could tell had gone completely red but despite that she had to laugh too. Could hear the people in the bar laughing too as she tried to sink into her chair. Right now her girlfriend was stood on the table with a mic in her hand. JJ didn't know how that had happened but it was._

''_This gorgeous creature right here? This is my girlfriend, Jennifer! And its Jennifer's birthday today…''_

_There were a round of cheers that erupted through the bar but JJ was still trying to hide despite that she couldn't stop laughing. _

''_You're insane!''_

_She shouted from out of behind her hands._

''_Did you hear that? I'm trying to be romantic and she's calling me insane? Typical!''_

_Yet again the room laughed. JJ wasn't surprised that Delilah was doing this. She was so confident in a way that she wasn't, despite being the focus of the media sometimes she hated the idea of being the focus of attention. It's why she was currently trying to shy away from it right now, but she had to admit the fact that Delilah was making such a fuss was kind of sweet. Each one of their friends who were accompanying them, which included Garcia, Morgan and Reid, were in hysterics and JJ thought Garcia just might have had a hand in this._

''_Get up here.''_

_JJ shook her head._

''_I swear to god, get up here or I'm just gunna get this beefcake friend of yours to lift you up here!''_

_Delilah gestured toward Morgan who grinned smugly, nodding his head thus telling JJ as she peeped out from her hands that he was more than willing to do as Delilah asked. They were all conspirators!_

''_Every single one of you will pay for this.''_

_JJ warned as she started to get up, not exactly feeling like she wanted to be man handled by Morgan tonight. She was still burning red but she knew she was going to have no choice in the matter. So she took Delilah's offered hand and stepped up onto the table, not letting go of her hand as there were cheers and applause to which she continued to blush at._

''_So first, happy birthday baby.''_

''_Thank you.''_

''_I have a little surprise for you, but don't worry, it's not anything to do with the one you're getting at home later!''_

_Yet again there was more cheering and JJ smacked Delilah lightly. The brunette just gave her a cheeky grin._

''_So really, what I wanted to say was this. Jennifer Jareau, I love you. I love everything you do, I love everything you are, even when you're in a bad mood and yell at me and make me sleep on the couch! You make me very happy, and tonight, I'd like to sing you a little song, okay?''_

_JJ cleared her throat again and nodded as she tried to convince herself a whole bar full of people, mainly women, were not staring at them._

''_Okay.''_

''_But you can't join in, we don't want to deafen these nice folks!''_

_JJ shoved her lightly again as she pulled a withering glare but smiled at the brunette's playful grin. She had to stand up there, still gripping onto Delilah's hand, throughout the entire song. Which was beautiful, JJ had to admit. She'd have preferred it not to be a public spectacle but that really was just Delilah's way. She guessed she could get over it considering how sweet she was trying to be. And Delilah had a very nice voice too. JJ just thought it was a shame that her girlfriend thought she couldn't sing either._

_XXXX_

''_Ma'am! Ma'am, you need to let them take her.''_

_JJ tried to force her way past the nurse that had caught her before she could get through the swinging double doors inside the hospital. They were still swinging wide and she could catch glimpses of the staff and paramedics that were rolling the gurney down to the trauma room._

''_No! I need to be there for her, let me go!''_

_JJ was emotional and terrified and still shaking, and she was a lot smaller than the nurse that had managed to grab her. Normally she might have been able to get around her but tonight? Tonight she didn't stand a chance. And all she wanted to do was run in there after them and make sure that her girlfriend knew she was there._

''_She's in the best hands, I promise you.''_

_The nurse insisted. JJ's tear stained face turned to her as watery and overwhelmed eyes looked at her for the first time._

''_I don't even…oh my god…she doesn't even know! I never said it back.''_

_The nurse frowned in confusion at JJ's hysterics. _

''_What doesn't she know?''_

''_She shouldn't be in there, I should! He was aiming for me and she loves me, for gods sake I have to go in there! She might be dying because of me and I never said it back to her!''_

_The night had turned into a disaster. They had only supposed to be out having a good time and they had gotten into the middle of a dangerous situation. One that had resulted in this. Resulted in her girlfriend being at the business end of a knife. One that had initially been aiming for her. Why the hell had she done that? Stepped in front of her like that? She could die right now and it would be all her fault._

''_Ma'am, she has the best Doctor's. Please, come with me, you're head needs to be treated, you're bleeding.''_

_JJ blinked and frowned in confusion._

''_No I'm not!'' _

_She scoffed. The nurse looked at her and lifted her eyes up toward her head. JJ lifted up her hand and touched the side of it, just above her temple and cringed as a wave of pain swept through her. Pulling her hand back she saw the bright red blood covering her hand._

''_It doesn't matter. I need to stay with her. You can't make me go, I'm FBI. You can't make me go.''_

''_Honey, I don't care if you're the Director of the damn FBI, you're hurt. Let me treat you, you're no good to her with a head wound, are you? Evidently she cares enough to try and make sure you didn't get hurt, now would she really want you standing out here going un-treated?''_

_God this woman reminded JJ of her Mother. She had that 'look'. That Mother look that made misbehaving children think twice and the fact that JJ was a fully trained FBI Agent with a badge and a gun wasn't about to faze this woman at all. She was stern but underneath that was genuine care and she had spilt the truth so openly that JJ knew she couldn't argue against it. Fresh tears welled in her eyes as she looked at this compassionate stranger and she nodded in defeat. _

''_Okay good. You come with me and we'll get you all sorted out. I'll need you to give me some details about you and your girlfriend too, okay? And the police will need to talk to you.'' _

''_Will you stay with me?''_

_The nurse nodded._

''_Of course. What's your name, Agent?''_

_JJ hated feeling so vulnerable. She was a confident woman and she could normally handle the toughest of situations. Even if sometimes that meant putting her feelings in a box until she was in a place where she could let them out. But now? Now it felt like the sky had come tumbling down on her and she just needed someone to stay with her. Delilah was in that trauma room with a knife wound in her gut, and JJ couldn't stand to be alone through that._

''_Jennifer Jareau.''_

_The nurse smiled and gently looped her arm around JJ's shoulders._

''_Okay Jennifer, you come with me sweetheart. My name is Karen.'' _

_15 stitches, one wrist bandage, a couple of painkiller shots, 2 detailed filling in of paperwork and one police statement and 2 hours later found JJ sitting in the quiet waiting room of the surgical floor. It was so very still here, so quiet. JJ could hear the echo's stirring around the hallways and it made her uncomfortable. She was cold and numb and hadn't stopped shaking since she arrived at the hospital. She had relayed all the details that she could remember, everything had happened so fast. Despite the constant danger that she and Delilah were both in with their lines of work, this was still jarring. How something like this could just happen so fast, no matter how well trained and prepared you were to deal with it._

''_JJ?''_

_JJ blinked. Her name sounded just like an echo too but it jarred her enough to stop staring down the corridor where somewhere down there Delilah was in surgery. Exhausted, pained blue eyes looked up, so numb that for a long moment she didn't recognise the man in front of her._

_He knelt down in front of her, waiting patiently for her to remember. Knowing how overwhelmed and pained she was, how scared she was. She was shattered right now, injured and by all accounts had taken a very bad knock to the head. She had a slight concussion and she was shot up with painkillers for the cut to her head and the wrist that had been close to broken._

''_Hotch?''_

_JJ squeaked softly, frowning slightly but wincing because it hurt to frown. She starred at her boss like she was wondering if she had slipped into unconsciousness right here in the waiting room and was now dreaming it. She hadn't called anybody, too preoccupied with everything that had happened up to now. Also in the back of her head she still realised that it was the middle of the night._

''_The police informed me you had been assaulted in an altercation downtown. I came to see how you were, to stay with you if you need me to.''_

_He explained softly, keeping his tone caring but even as to speak clearly so that she would understand. Hotch could tell that she was in shock. When he had been called he had asked if his Agent was alright and they relayed that she had been injured but the woman she had been with had been assaulted with a knife. Hotch knew that meant Delilah. He didn't know how bad her injury was but obviously it was bad enough. The hospital was reluctant to give too much away apart from that she had needed immediate surgery and had been in there for over an hour. They had told him about JJ's condition and said there was a nurse waiting with her upstairs on the OR floor before he was led up there._

''_She umm…she moved in front of me.''_

_JJ said weakly, sniffling and trying to wipe away yet another round of tears. She could barely look Hotch in the eyes as he looked at her, confused._

''_What do you mean?''_

''_Delilah. The guy…the guy was going after me, Hotch. And she stopped him. He would've…Hotch I wouldn't have survived from where he was aiming. I owe her my life. What if she dies? What if she dies in there because of me?''_

_Hotch didn't have any answers. He leant forward and pulled the shaking blonde closer so that she could rest on his shoulder and cry. _

''_I owe her my life.''_

XXX

Friday

9:21pm

Baltimore

''So, tell me about this new profiler.''

JJ blinked, deep blue eyes having been transfixed to the swirling motion of the golden clear wine that had been poured into her glass by the waiter that was serving them. She had watched its patterns swirl and move inside the glass, and she thought it almost looked peaceful. How a glass of wine could look anything other than a glass of wine, she wasn't sure, but it did. And for a moment, part of its peace had been transferred to her. Until Delilah had broken the tranquility of the moment, despite not meaning to.

''Huh?''

Silently, JJ cursed herself for the inarticulate response as she looked up at her girlfriend. Delilah arched an eyebrow as a look of pure teasing mockery coloured her eyes and face, at the response given.

''Hey there Space Cadet, nice trip?''

She quipped mischievously, making JJ roll her eyes as she reached out for the glass, pulling it close to take a sip out of it. That was seriously some good wine there. But this was a good restaurant, one that she insisted on coming to practically every time she was in Baltimore.

After their latest case, JJ felt like she needed some space from Virginia. Or maybe it wasn't the case, so much as the new profiler that Delilah was enquiring after that she needed some distance from. Granted, JJ hadn't worked with Emily on this one. Emily had gone with Gideon and Reid to Guantanamo Bay as she had remained in the offices with Garcia. It had been before that, after the 6am phone call she had received, awakening her from the deep slumber she and Delilah had been in, that they had talked. JJ had dragged herself out of bed, showered and headed into work to deal with the situation they had had. As Hotchner had instructed her, she called everyone in. Emily had been there early however, getting a lay of the land so to speak, so when JJ had strolled in at an hour that was early even for her, they had been alone.

''Quiet smartass! What did you ask me?''

JJ threw a contemptuous look toward her girlfriend playfully, receiving a soft growl type noise in return as Delilah narrowed her eyes at her for being called a smartass. After a second though, she smiled, reaching for her own wine glass.

''I said tell me about this new profiler. He? She? Alien hybrid?''

JJ let a breath out as a soft smile touched her lips, her eyes dipping to stare at the table for a moment. Emily certainly wasn't an alien hybrid. Emily was perfect. She had been so nervous that morning a couple of days ago, but also excited. JJ had fixed her a coffee, and they had gone into the briefing room to talk. After JJ had given her some paperwork and information, she had gone through their protocols and procedures like she said she would, taking it step by step. Having something to concentrate on, Emily seemed to relax. After they were done, they had just started to converse, and JJ had taken the chance to probe a little further into the world of Emily Prentiss.

''She. Emily Prentiss.''

Delilah waited, raising both eyebrows in expectation. When JJ said nothing further, the slightly younger woman flailed her hand in a circle, indicating that she wanted more details.

''That's it? You don't have any feelings about her?''

At that, JJ coughed slightly, almost chocking on her wine but managing to swallow it before she did. Trying not to draw too much attention, she tapped herself on the chest quickly, trying to unblock the lump that had seemingly popped up inside of her throat. Why the hell would Delilah ask something like that? Did she know something? But there was nothing to know, right?

''Honey, are you okay? You're acting a little weird.''

Delilah wondered, frowning in both concern and confusion as she watched the peculiar behaviour of her lover. But she was completely unaware of the question she had asked. Completely unaware that JJ did have a feeling about Emily, one entirely unrelated to work, and she had no idea why JJ had overreacted to a perfectly normal question.

JJ did however. It was because she knew there was something wrong with her feelings toward Emily. She knew she shouldn't be having them. Attraction was one thing, and although she had only known this woman for a couple of days, she knew this was deeper than attraction. And she wished it would go away. Far, far away where it would leave her in peace, where those eyes wouldn't burn into her own, where the air around her wouldn't get thicker and hotter. Where the whispers in Emily's mysterious eyes couldn't be heard by her ears. JJ couldn't work out why this was happening to her. Or what she was supposed to do about it. Maybe this was just the one little part of her that was ready to sabotage her relationship because they had brought up the subject of living together? That had to be it. It was the only thing she could think of. She was freaked, but that was okay. Because she could work on that, and then everything would be fine again.

''Yes, I'm fine. Went down the wrong way. Erm…you were saying?''

JJ cleared her throat, trying to shake away her thoughts and prompt Delilah into talking about anything but her outburst. Preferably she would have preferred to talk about anything but Emily, but her dark haired lover seemed too interested to be put off.

''The profiler? Is she any good?''

Taking a deep and smooth breath in to compose herself again, JJ cleared her throat again lightly, nodding as she gazed down for a moment, before looking at Delilah again.

''She seems to be. Has some hidden talents, it seems.''

''Oh yeah, like what?''

JJ shrugged, daring to sip on her wine again.

''Well she can speak Arabic fluently, which helped our case. Apparently she was raised for a while in Middle Eastern countries. Egypt and such.''

She found the words flowed from her before she even had chance to stop them. She had been as surprised as everyone else when Emily had taken the original document from her, reading it easily without the translation. JJ had been impressed, but had swallowed it back for the case. Emily had mentioned that her Mother was an Ambassador, so JJ had assumed her time in various other countries was linked to that, although Emily had made no mention of it to anyone else. JJ had remained quiet, even when Garcia had asked her if she knew about it when they had had a brief quiet moment during the case. Somehow, JJ had gotten the impression that it was a sore subject for Emily.

''Huh, her name doesn't sound Middle Eastern.''

''No, _she's _not Middle Eastern. Her Mother works for the State Department, she was assigned overseas a lot when Emily was young.''

JJ corrected automatically, eyes glancing then across the restaurant.

''Oh, her Mom's a career politician huh? So she's a rich kid playing with a badge and a gun.''

JJ looked back at Delilah; jaw dropped slightly as she let a scowl drop onto her forehead in irritation that she had jumped to that conclusion straight away. Instantly the comment got her back up, her hairs standing on end so to speak, in confrontation. Everything in her gut squeezed in knots, every fiber of her feeling the flush of protection for Emily.

''She's not like that.''

The blonde snapped immediately, making Delilah draw her head back slightly almost in surprise from the snappy defense. Yet again though, she raised her eyebrow, this time in challenging question.

''How'd you know? It's not like you know her, is it?''

She retorted, a little pissed off that JJ had gotten grouchy for no reason. She could handle odd behaviour, but uncalled for bitchiness was where she drew the line. All she had wanted to do was have a nice dinner, maybe hit a club after to blow off some steam before rolling in home with every intention of getting JJ out of her clothes in record speed. By the display though, her plan was coming into some serious jeopardy.

''I've talked to her, okay? She's different. You shouldn't just assume something like that, its offensive.''

Delilah scoffed, frowning herself now.

''Says who?''

''Me for starters. God, you can be so ignorant sometimes.''

JJ exasperated, running a hand through her hair as Delilah sat forward in her seat so that she was leaning on the table.

''Me ignorant? Don't you dare put that on me JJ. Not when you know where I come from and what shit I get thrown at me because of it. You know damn well I'm anything but.''

JJ dropped her jaw, automatically going to reply but having no words ready when she did. She looked across at Delilah, seeing the wounded look in her eyes and sighed softly. Closing her eyes, she rubbed the bridge of her nose slowly as she tried to get a hold of herself again. How had things spiraled into a spat so quickly? Whatever this thing was, JJ had already had enough of it. It wasn't fair to Delilah, because she was right.

''I'm sorry. Really, I am. I didn't mean it.''

She apologized quietly, voice full of regret and guilt, sincere in her apology. When she looked up again, she looked at Delilah with a loving expression, mad at herself for being so insensitive. JJ reached out, stroking some hair out the way of her girlfriend's face before stroking along the side of her face. Leaning forward, she was relieved when Delilah accepted the soft but meaningful kiss that she offered. After leaning back, JJ took her lover's hand, entwining the fingers with her own, so they could keep hold of each other across the table.

''Let's just start over, huh? No work talk tonight.''

Delilah suggested, watching the light from the candle that was centre table dance over JJ's skin beautifully. She smiled lightly as JJ looked at her hopefully, already assuming that the evening had been ruined. Delilah was determined to salvage it, and she knew that JJ had meant her apology.

''Sounds like a good idea. Tell me what we're doing after we've eaten, baby.''

JJ suggested, her voice still quiet but now a little happier. Delilah smiled, squeezing the fingers between her own.

''Well given you're so into the trip-hop scene, I figured we'd check out this new club across town. Where I plan to get you good and drunk Miss Jareau!''

JJ laughed, flicking her hair back as she rolled her eyes. The opportunity to check out this place sounded good to her though. Some funky music sounded good right now, and as Delilah had stated it was one of her favourite music brackets…of which there were many. But she could also see exactly where this little devious plan of Delilah's was heading too.

''Oh is that right? And what happens after that?''

Delilah grinned with a perfectly innocent expression, though her eyes betrayed her mischievous and seductive plans.

''Well then we go home, and I get you good and naked!''

JJ raised her eyebrows knowingly.

''So you get good and laid? Is that right?''

She filled in the next step, pretending to be less than impressed. Delilah just chuckled leaning over the table to steal another quick kiss.

''See, I knew there was a reason I love you so much!''


	4. Chapter 4

A/N - First an apology for the timing of these posts, currently I am finishing my dissertation at university so I haven't been able to do as much as I usually do. However, now that is almost over, I can get back on track, so thanks for the patience. Also, thank you to my lovely beta who happens to be the best girlfriend ever, for looking after me and doing this :)

XXX

**Monday**

**5:44am**

**Quantico **

JJ began to rack her brain for an explanation. She thought about everything she had done in her life. Nothing stood out as a reason for why this was happening to her. Nothing stood out to indicate that she had ever experienced something like this before. So why her? She was a good person, right?

When she was ten, she stood up to the class bully when he was picking on another little boy that was much smaller than him. When she was twelve, she found an injured bird on the road and carried it all the way home where she and her Dad looked after it until it was ready to fly again. When she was fifteen she managed to pull her friend out of the water after she had slipped in and knocked her head. And when she was seventeen, she had run just over ten miles for help when she and her friend had seen farmer Roy have an accident in one of his fields. She had worked hard in school, played hard for her team, and then done the same thing in college. Okay so maybe she had partied a little and slept with more girls than she probably should have, but it was college, right? Isn't that what happened in college? It's not like it lasted. The next level for her had been Georgetown and the Academy after she had been accepted, and that's when she had met Delilah.

So why was all of this happening to her? Had she done something in a past life to bring this on?

''Even for you JJ, this is damn early. Got a case?''

It was the sound of an all too familiar voice that dragged JJ back into the land of the living, rather than the autopilot she had been on as she thought about this dilemma of hers. Clearing her throat as she blinked, she tried to wash away at least enough fog to concentrate and she looked up at the tall Marine hovering in front of her, a wide grin covering his face.

''Oh, no Murray, just came in early to hit the gym is all. Couldn't sleep.''

She explained, surprised that her voice actually worked given that she hadn't really used it all that much yet. Apart from muttering at herself as she had tried to get herself to sleep, or curse at herself for various inappropriate thoughts.

JJ had figured that hitting the gym at work, at 5:44am on a Monday no less, would allow her to shake off the cobwebs. That no one would be around, and she could put her iPod on and do what she needed to do to shake off the cobwebs. From the moment her head hit the pillow last night, she had tossed and turned aimlessly, until she had dragged a couple of pillows and a blanket into the living room where she had sprawled on the couch, flicking on a channel that played cheesy cop shows and idiotic comedies. Only a couple of times had she dozed off, never for too long. Until it had finally reached 5am, and she had decided to just head to work, hoping some time working out would help her shrug the night off before work.

Murray frowned slightly, automatically reaching out to take the shoulder bag she had been carrying as she began to lift it off and toward the luggage belt, his other hand gesturing behind her as he did.

''Really, then how come Agent Prentiss is following you in?''

Really. Why her? Why was the world trying to sabotage her like this? Because Murray was right. As JJ turned slightly, she made herself smile slightly as Emily gave her a heads up as she pushed through the doors. Who in their right mind came here at this time in the morning unless they had been called in? JJ thought this was a rather sadistically ironic moment for her. Never had it entered her head that she wouldn't be alone in the gym, because it was clearly where Emily's intended destination was from the looks of things. Which is why she was now trying very hard to wonder what she had ever done to deserve this 'coincidence'.

''Wow, here I was thinking I was the only one crazy enough to be here at this hour! Do you always get here so early?''

The dark brunette queried, the cutest hint of a squeak running through her voice because of the early hour. JJ found it hard not to find utterly adorable, but found it incredibly easy to offer Emily a light hearted smile as she shook her head, letting Murray take her suit carrier and her go bag to put with her shoulder bag.

''Oh hell no! I couldn't sleep so I was heading for the gym. What about you?''

JJ responded, rolling her eyes with a 'are you mad' expression. So she might have been the one to send out the bat signal to the entire team at whatever hour was required of her, but that didn't mean she was at the office hunkered over her desk just waiting for a call. No, she got woken up just like everyone else. She got dragged out of bed, just like everyone else. And just like them, she was hardly ever impressed at it either. She loved her sleep, she loved her bed. It broke her heart that she was apart from it at days at a time, but there you had it.

She stepped through the metal detector, moving around after to rummage in her shoulder bag to pull out her ID badge and clip it to the running pants she was wearing. Her badge and gun were secured in there too, but she wouldn't need them until she'd finished at the gym. She smiled as Murray lifted up her stuff and gave them back to her one by one like the true gentleman he was. Not in a condescending way, Murray was just a sweet guy. They saw each other a lot in the mornings, or the evenings and then anytime JJ got dragged back in here through the night. She brought him coffee whenever she had time to, and they would chat briefly before she had to head upstairs.

''Same, couldn't sleep so I thought a work out and head start on paperwork would be in order. You know, try and impress the boss man because clearly I'm failing miserably in doing that so far!''

Emily drawled dryly, smiling a thank you toward Murray as he took her stuff to put on the luggage belt too. Unlike JJ though, Emily had to unclip her sidearm and hand it to him before stepping through the detector. There was a joking ease in her whiskey smooth voice, but underneath that there was an element of truth, of worry.

''You wanna head up together? I usually bang on some music but I can make an exception, I suppose!''

JJ joked, waiting as Emily collected her stuff together and chuckled at the oh so heartening offer.

''Well gee, when you put it like that how can a girl refuse?''

She complained playfully. JJ just laughed, shaking her head and stepping backwards as Emily moved forward so she could look over at Murray.

''Say hi to the girls for me, okay?''

''Sure thing JJ. Don't work too hard ladies!''

Murray joked, making them both groan and laugh as they began to head for the elevators. JJ didn't know why, but it still felt like she could be so comfortable around Emily. Unguarded even, and that just didn't happen. She didn't just meet people and feel like she could hand them her darkest secrets and not worry about it. She'd never been that girl. JJ was well aware that she could be a hard nut to crack, not because she wanted to be or that she tried to be, but being open and talking about emotion and feelings hadn't been the norm in her family. She had learnt to be a lot more open than she used to be, but there was a lot of things she would stick her heels in the ground about too.

''You know him well, huh?''

Emily enquired as they came to the elevator doors. She reached out to press the button, and looked up at JJ as the blonde breathed in as she nodded.

''We end up seeing each other quite a lot, so yeah I guess. I mean, we're friendly and I know his wife and girls, but it's not like we hang out _all _the time. Some here and there drinks and barbecues, the FBI vs. Marine stuff that goes on. Stuff like that.''

Emily nodded, knowing what JJ was talking about. Usually they were sports events, to keep up morale and either keep or open diplomatic relationships between the two or blow off steam or vent issues. Emily gestured for JJ to get into the elevator first as the doors pinged open, stepping in after her and putting her bag down on the floor and her own suit carrier over it before leaning back into the corner. From her position, she had a perfect view of JJ, and it was hard for her to try and keep the appreciation out of her eyes.

So far, JJ had been so helpful and welcoming. She had walked her through protocols and procedures, and anything else that she had queried about. It was nice to have that support, especially when you were walking into a unit that had been working together closely for so long. Particularly when you were replacing a 'family member', one that had left abruptly after a questionable shooting. To put it bluntly, it was unnerving and she felt like she was walking on either eggshells or hot coals most of the time. Always conscious of her words, her actions and always trying to figure out where her expected place was. It was exhausting.

Garcia had been lovely, and Emily always got to laugh when she was around. The woman was so genuine and delightful, charming in her individual ways. Reid was polite, but skittish and awkward. Though, Emily didn't think that the awkwardness was about her, rather than that it was just how he tended to be. He tried to offer her nuggets of information, and had even tried to crack a joke once or twice to ease her discomfort. He was like a sweet little boy, and already she felt the twinges of what she thought might have been sisterly protectiveness start to make itself known somewhere inside of her.

Morgan, she suspected, was just Morgan. Smooth, calm, slightly arrogant yet somehow not in an offensive way. He didn't trust her yet, but he wasn't making an effort to withhold that trust. He was perfectly nice to her, and they had already had a healthy talk over education and background within their chosen field.

Gideon had warmed to her just a little bit. He was no longer treating her like the enemy, but was still wary. He had started to see that she was good at this, that she had something to offer. Something to add to the collective. But Hotchner? No, that was a different story. He was constantly watching her, constantly questioning her, and basically making her life hell.

''You know, the thing with Hotch is, he doesn't like to be impressed.''

JJ remarked, watching the thoughts cloud over Emily's dark eyes. She had picked up on the depth of the other woman's 'joke', but hadn't wanted to say anything in front of Murray as to not embarrass Emily. Now that they were on their own though, she wanted to ease the fraught in Emily's head about it.

''So, how am I supposed to prove to him that I'm not some cheerleader wanting in on the glory of the football team?''

JJ snickered at the question, raising her eyebrows as she leaned on an opposite wall to Emily.

''Nice analogy. And you just do your job. That's all. Right now, he's more interested in you than your work because he didn't get a say about your transfer. You have to understand, the man is extremely protective and possessive. He's the typical Alpha male, and he felt less in charge by your appearance. It's not because he's a jerk, it's because he knows what we have to do out there. So, keep doing what your doing. Just bear the scrutiny for a little longer, when he'll realise that you're an asset to the team. Because he will realise it, he's just a guy and you know how stubborn they are!''

JJ snickered and rolled her eyes with a soft sigh at the thought of just how true that was. Those boys, _her _boys, were some of the most stubborn she had ever met. Honestly, having another girl around was actually a godsend for when they were out of town and she was separated from Penelope. JJ hadn't realised how much she and Elle could club together when they weren't paired off, especially at the hotels and the 'break time' moments. She had missed her friend a lot when she had left.

''I really appreciate that, thank you.''

As JJ was about to reply, she was cut short by a metal on metal scraping sound, as the elevator box jolted violently before thudding to a stop. Both women grabbed onto a railing to steady themselves, neither of them moving or saying anything as the box went black.

''JJ, are you okay?''

Emily asked, her voice full of concern as she blinked in the complete darkness. The only sound she could hear was her breathing as well as JJ's across from her.

''Yeah, are you?''

''I'm fine. Can't see a damn thing, but fine. I wonder what happened.''

''I don't know, but the back up energy should be kicking in right about…''

Suddenly, the dull little back up security lights blinked on, causing both Agent's to blink as their eyes adjusted to the poorer light than they had been in before the black out.

''…now. Well at least we don't have to sit around in the dark.''

Emily grunted meekly at JJ's 'optimism', obviously not very impressed by their current situation. She let go of the railing as she watched JJ push off the wall, moving over to the switchboard and opening the emergency box, picking up the phone and pressing the buttons that the advice note stuck to the wall instructed.

The older woman breathed in deeply, bending forward a little as she did. Why did it suddenly feel like there was no air in this thing? It wasn't like she was claustrophobic or anything, but she didn't exactly savor the knowledge or feeling that they were stuck in this damn box suspended in the air god knew how high up in the shaft, and after some rather questionable metal grinding noises. That seriously wasn't her idea of an ideal situation. Especially when she was trapped alone with JJ. JJ who smelt so good, who moved so fluidly and was so stunningly beautiful that the dim lights didn't even drown it out. Her hair was still shiny bright; neatly tied up into the ponytail she was sporting. Those penetrating eyes of hers still shone and glimmered. Emily knew she had to get a hold of herself, reign in her urges because if she didn't, she'd end up pinning the woman to the wall and taking her right there. And somehow, she didn't think that would be an incredibly good idea.

''Em?''

Emily blinked, looking up to see the woman occupying her thoughts stood in front of her uncertainly with a hand gently touching her shoulder. Emily glanced at the contact, feeling even under the material of her hoodie the searing heat of JJ's touch. She swallowed hard, her breath faltering slightly as she looked back at the blonde, who seemed to be struggling as much as she was now. Those blue eyes comprehended the thickening of the air not because of their situation, but because of them, and she drew her hand back slowly, clearing her throat as she did.

''Murray is calling maintenance; we should be sprung out of here within the hour. He said there's some kind of fault in the system.''

JJ informed, her voice just over a hushed whisper. Why, why on earth was this happening to her? Was she being tested? Did the fate that she didn't believe in delight in throwing this crap at her? She loved Delilah. She wanted Delilah. They were going to move in together and live happily every after, damnit.

''Are you, erm…are you sure you're okay? You're not scared of small spaces, are you?''

Emily stood up straight again, shaking her head at JJ's worried question and ran her hand through her hair. Taking in a large breath, she let it out again as she used every ounce of her will power to push aside all the feelings and impulses that had been building up in her because of the blonde standing in front of her. They were going to be in here for a little while, and she didn't intend for that time to be spent sitting in an awkward silence or a forced conversation.

''No…well not really, I've been in tighter spots but there's something just a little unsettling about being suspended in the air that's all. I'll be fine. What about you? Got any big bad fears you'd care to share?''

The brunette explained, making her last question more bouncy and playful. It worked, JJ smiled widely as she groaned and rolled her eyes. She looked around, making sure there was nothing too close to her, before she moved to sit down on the floor, back resting against one of the walls. Emily followed her lead, and within a moment they were sitting face to face at the opposite walls, legs stretched out and resting at the side of each other's.

''The woods. I'm afraid of the woods.''

JJ confessed, rolling her eyes in almost skeptical belief that she was actually admitting this. It made Emily smile lightly as she rested her head back on the wall, gazing over the young woman speculatively.

''How come?''

JJ just shrugged lightly, shaking her head as she did.

''I'm not really sure. I grew up in this tiny little town up in rural Pennsylvania, it was surrounded by woods. Nothing ever bad happened there. Actually nothing _ever_ happened there! So I'm not sure why they make me so uneasy. I guess the fear of getting lost and stranded? What about you?''

Emily took in a slow breath, first absorbing JJ's reply and then trying to think of her own. There were a few here and there phobias, nothing too major and most of them common.

''Clowns. I _hate _clowns, they scare the crap out of me!''

On cue, she shuddered slightly as she made a face, not even liking the thought of them. JJ laughed at her lightly, but she didn't feel as foolish as she normally did when she admitted that to someone. Her parents had taught her to compartmentalize, never show anyone anything unless you had to. She could do that most of the time, but most of the time she didn't want to. It was simply a habit now, a protective move. But with JJ, she didn't feel like she needed to use it so much, if at all.

''Why clowns? You watched _IT_ too young or something?''

The blonde questioned teasingly.

''No, it was a story I was told. Well, an urban legend anyway. I have an older cousin who is somewhat of an evil son of a bitch. He told us about this babysitter, who was alone in this couple's house one night. She had sat for them before, but this night she couldn't get the baby to settle. She kept going in to check on him, to see if he needed changing. He didn't, and he wasn't hungry or anything like that. Finally, the girl called the parents and asked them if they had noticed anything wrong. They said he had been fine before, so the girl asked them if maybe the clown in the corner of the room was scaring him. The parents asked, what clown? The girl said the life-sized clown in the corner was overlooking the crib, and perhaps she should move it. The parents told her there was no clown, they didn't know what she was talking about and said they were on their way home and to get the boy and get out of the house. So the girl had to go back upstairs, and act like nothing was wrong while the clown still stood there, _watching_ in the corner. She took the boy, pretending to nurse him and ran out the house and over the road. When the police got there, the clown was gone. But there was a travelling circus a few miles away, and reports said that there was a murderous pedophilic clown on the run.''

JJ gaped at Emily, completely enthralled in the story yet utterly creeped out by it. She hung off every word like some kid around a campfire as everyone took turns telling ghost stories, the images running through her head. And given what her job was, she had no trouble in imagining the scenario.

''Jesus christ Emily! Now _I'm_ scared of clowns! God that is creepy, and you just _know_ that story had to have started from somewhere, all urban legends do, right? You know what Reid says about vampires and werewolves!''

JJ shuddered herself a little, definitely understanding why Emily was scared of clowns. If she had been told that as a kid, it was completely rational that she would be terrified of them. JJ could only grimace at the thought. Why did people have to take things that should have been innocent and fun and turn them unbelievably sick and creepy? Like John Wayne Gacy, he wasn't exactly someone to make you feel better about clowns, was he?

''Oh, you mean that they were to blame for what is presumed to be the works of classical or medieval serial killers? He'd be right, there's a huge school of thought about that being the case. People either didn't understand and had to channel their fear onto myths, or they didn't want to believe in a person killing like that. Money and status would have had a lot to do with it, like in the 15th century with Gilles de Rais, who confessed to delusions of demon worship too.''

Emily flicked a hand in the air as she spoke, theorizing obviously in her head as the cogs turned and threw up pieces of stored information for her. When she finished and looked back at JJ, she saw the blonde trying to hold in laughter as she looked at her, an eyebrow quirked teasingly.

''_What_? I'm a geek okay!''

Emily defended with a busted squeak, blushing ever so slightly as JJ laughed.

''Yeah, you're definitely supposed to be in this unit!''

JJ teased, flicking her eyes as she laughed, even as Emily nudged her with her feet. She had the distinct feeling that not many people managed to get the profiler to blush very often, despite her geeky tendencies. Because deep down, as shy and uncertain as Emily was with that side of her, she liked it. She knew it was valuable and something good, it was a quality. JJ liked seeing that in her. Reid could be tortured with his, but Emily? Emily took it differently, she used it differently. And although JJ hadn't known her long enough to see that yet, she knew it anyway. She didn't know how, or why, and that's what scared her the most. It wasn't Emily that scared her, it was everything else.

''So, Pittsburgh huh?''

JJ blinked, looking across at Emily with a blank expression wondering if she had missed some vital part of a conversation. Emily just smiled softly, gesturing to the hoodie that she was wearing, before the brunette opened her bag and began to rummage through it.

''Oh, right! Yeah, UP. Athletic scholarship.''

As Emily found what she was looking for, which happened to be a bottle of water, she raised her eyebrows as she righted her position again before looking across the box.

''What sport?''

''Soccer, central midfielder.''

''Wow, that's pretty impressive.''

JJ raised an eyebrow, the side of her mouth crooking into a lop sided smirk.

''You know soccer?''

She enquired a little doubtfully but also hopefully. Truth be told, she always played down her love for soccer because the people around her didn't tend to understand the game. Which was fine, she could deal with that. She could talk football to Morgan because they both liked it and he had played, Hotch and Gideon knew what they were talking about but they weren't into it. But soccer? No one else watched or played but her. Even Delilah didn't take an interest in it. It bugged her still that her girlfriend wouldn't even think about learning at least enough so she could come and watch a game, especially if she were playing in it. Five years was a long time to belittle your chosen partner's passion, she had only ever been to one.

''Yeah I know soccer. Never played, not my sport, but I like to watch. Do you still play? I guess it'd be hard to do it regularly given the hours here, but do you get chance?''

Emily smiled, nodding lightly before taking a few mouthfuls of her water. She screwed the cap back on and tossed it across the box, watching JJ catch it easily.

''Thanks. Yeah, I play at the gym sometimes. There's a rec centre nearby too, so sometimes I help teach the kids that hang there. Here sometimes.''

Emily nodded, smiling slightly. She wasn't surprised at all to hear about the rec centre, somehow she could see JJ being really good with kids, and giving the ones down there something to do and be involved in. She wasn't surprised either that the blonde had played central midfield; it spoke volumes about her character and her grace under pressure. The way everything was organized, how creative she was, how she orchestrated everything and picked up on every last detail. Emily got the distinct feeling that it was JJ who ran the game around the BAU, using the abilities of the team around her to make sure things ran as efficiently as possible. To do that, especially here, required a lot of intelligence and a lot of insight. So Emily got the impression that people tended to underestimate the woman in front of her, not because they wanted to or thought they were better, but because she wanted it like that.

''What about you? College? Sport?''

JJ posed back the questions, tossing Emily's water back over to her after she'd taken a few mouthfuls. It was a good thing they were headed to the gym, both of them had drinks and she knew she had some breakfast snacks at the ready in her bag. Seemed like she would be doing breakfast with Emily this morning.

''You're going to think I'm a spoilt brat when I say this, but here goes. I ride horses, cross-country jumping mostly but I've been known to do a little dressage. I also fence. I did both competitively for a long while. And I went to Yale.''

Emily sighed, clearing her throat before she bit the bullet and answered JJ's question. She knew what a lot of people thought of her, and most of the time she didn't care. Most of the time she wanted people to think like that, because she was only bothered about people she cared for not thinking it. The truth was she could never get away from the fact that she was an Ambassadors daughter. Her Father lived inside the political circle too, and combined her parents had a lot of weight and clout. They also had a lot of money. Both her parents came from rich families; everything was old money with new money always piling on. It wasn't that that Emily resented so much; it was how people acted with it. How her parents could act with it. Believing that you were better than someone because you were wealthy wasn't right. Money didn't make people, morals and values and attitudes did. And some of the people she had grown up with and around, they were the scum of the earth in her eyes.

Still, she couldn't escape it, she had learnt to deal with it. Had branched off to follow her own path, much to the distaste of her parents. Joining the FBI had been somewhat of a major disappointment to them, a 'lowly' position for their only daughter. Emily didn't really care much anymore. Or, she managed to tuck it away enough to do it anyway at least. It wasn't exactly a great or easy feeling to bear knowing you were seen as a disappointment. Wasn't easy carrying around the rest of the crap that came with living in her family and the 'upper crust'. She would always be seen to some people as the spoilt little rich girl, people would always assume things about her. But she knew better than them. She knew herself, not wholly, but enough. She had money, but she wasn't the same as them. She had to play their game sometimes, but she still wasn't the same.

''I don't think you're a spoilt brat, Emily. I think you're a lot of things, but that isn't one of them.''

JJ responded sincerely, that dangerous edge drifting into her voice that tipped her hand of what kind of things she thought about Emily. She didn't care that it seeped through her eyes. She didn't care that the air seemed to drain out of the box, and that Emily looked at her so intently and deeply that she thought she might have hit the bottom of her very soul. For those few moments, everything seemed to cease and stop. She didn't need to breath, didn't need to blink or move. And Emily didn't either.

The urge to move over to Emily's side and kiss her senseless was overwhelming. JJ felt like her body was being pulled in her direction, almost gave in to it as she felt the ghost of sensation along her lips in anticipation of what it would be like. Would it matter, up here in their private little box? Would it mean anything when they were suspended in the air, nothing and no one around to see them. Would it have been real when they were so far from existence and reality? Would it mean that she had cheated on her girlfriend?

JJ cringed, snapping out of the haze as she looked down, lifting a hand up to knead her forehead slowly. God, her girlfriend. What the fuck was wrong with her? Didn't this constitute as cheating already? Just the emotional kind instead? Was it worse or better? She was so damn confused. And having Emily sitting opposite her, looking the way she did, smelling the way she did, didn't help. This fog was still blanketing her head, and she was torn between whether she wanted it to stay or leave.

JJ hated cheaters. It was true that she tended to leap to conclusions and see things like that in black and white. But she had grown up in a household that even on a good day would advocate divorce. Her parents had stayed together for their children, but she sure as hell thought it would have been a lot easier on everyone if they had just split up. There had been some good times, they were still friendly but they were no husband and wife. And if they thought that they had been discrete in their carryings on with other people, they were wrong. A divorce she could have handled, but watching her parents cheat on each other hadn't been something she had been able to take well. She loved them, she did, but she also hated them. And that's why she had thrown herself into soccer and studying. Why she had made such an effort to get away and into college. And it was definitely why she had tended to hesitate over relationships. But she had vowed that when she met the right girl, she would be devoted to her. So what the hell was she doing right now?

**Two days later**

**Office of Jennifer Jareau **

**B.A.U**

''I didn't _say _that, Delilah.''

JJ snapped harshly, scowling angrily as she paced the length of her office gripping her Blackberry to her ear as she listened to Delilah yell at her. She hated fighting, but what she hated more was fighting at work. Particularly when she had done nothing wrong and Delilah was too stubborn to listen to her.

It had begun in the morning, when JJ had been prying herself out of bed and chowing down painkillers with her coffee given the severity of her migraine and the lack of sleep she, like the rest of her team, had been able to grab. They were working a case here in D.C, and last night when Delilah had kept calling, she hadn't had time to answer. There had been a couple of pissed off texts too, but JJ had simply ignored them. She could tell something was in the air, and she had neither the time nor the inclination to deal with her girlfriend. Someone was out killing prostitutes, a sweet looking kid may be turning into a killer, and the press was going insane, not to mention the politicians and their aids that were calling her every few minutes.

''Look, how many times do I have to say it until you hear me? I don't have the time to deal with your stupid fucking inadequacy tirades right now okay? I'm working a case here.''

Finally, she snapped. After being yelled at for at least ten minutes solid, JJ had had enough. She was tired and grouchy and she really did have better things to do than to listen to Delilah read her the riot act for something she hadn't done. Which was supposed to have been mouthing off at some bar about not only her and Delilah's relationship, but why she was better at her job than her girlfriend and why the FBI was better than the police. Something she had never, and would never do. Something that Delilah should know already. But instead, she had listened to whoever in her department had told her this, and actually believed them. JJ actually felt insulted. Her girlfriend was supposed to know her better than that. After 5 years, she had never once indicated to her that she thought the FBI was better than the police, because she didn't believe that. Nor would she just mouth off to someone about their relationship or say that she was better at her job.

''Oh _excuse _me? You do not tell me what to do Delilah, you got that? I am _not _yours to boss around, you don't tell me I can't go out without you. Get your head out of your ass or we'll be over so fast you won't know what fucking hit you. And don't even think about coming over here until you can show me a little respect and decency. Until then, fuck the hell off.''

JJ yelled loudly, for once not giving a damn who heard her out in the hallway. Usually she had to be pushed and pushed to lose it like this, but Delilah had done a pretty terrific job in pushing every single one of her buttons. The livid blonde Agent continued to pace her office, inhaling and exhaling sharply given that she was still so worked up. She was a grown woman, and Delilah had no right ordering her around and telling her what she could and couldn't do. It was something she wouldn't stand for, wouldn't tolerate in the least bit. She refused to be controlled, and the fact that Delilah had even tried got to her.

Okay so her girlfriend could be the jealous type sometimes, and JJ had to face it, Delilah liked to get her own way. She was cocky and a little over confident, but it had never crossed a line. Delilah liked to be the dominant one in the relationship, but it had never felt suffocating or even unequal. Now it felt like JJ was being crushed by an unforgiving vice, and she couldn't move or breathe. Since when did Delilah start believing that she could control her life and what she did in it? She had never gone so far. Usually it was silly things, just a vibe of being in charge and joking about it. Deciding how they would do something maybe, and when or where. Things that JJ wasn't bothered with, things that she was happy for Delilah to decide and sort out because frankly she didn't want to organize because she spent so much time organizing and deciding with the job.

Had she let it go too far? Had she let Delilah begin to think she could actually control her? Was it her fault for just accepting those decisions and never questioning them? Was this a one-time thing? Something said in the heat of the moment? Would Delilah realise how she had acted and meaningfully apologise? Even if that was so, could JJ forgive her and let it go? Because even if it was said in the heat of the moment, there must have been just a little something deep down telling the Detective that she could.

Yanking the office door open, JJ strode out in the hallway, instantly relieved by the flux of cool air that hit her. She had begun to feel like she couldn't breathe, and she needed to calm down. Actually she felt like she needed to vent, and usually she would do that by running or hitting something at the gym, or sometimes going to the firing range. She could do none of those right now, not in the middle of a case. So she began to head for the bathroom quickly, ignoring the odd stares she received for not being her usual self as she passed people. At the moment, she didn't care. All she wanted to do was to splash some water on her face and actually breathe.

As she stepped into the bathroom though, hearing the dull buzz of the overhead lights in the echoing facility that appeared to be empty with the exception of one person. The one person that was causing an exceptional amount of confusion in her life right now. JJ stalled in her brisk movement as she saw Emily turn of the sink faucet and reach for a paper towel, seemingly unaware of her presence. JJ watched, her anger beginning to dissipate as she recognized the signs of Emily's own anger and even a little distress. Her sleeves were pulled up slightly, and she stood upright as she pressed the paper towel to her face, where she took a few deep breaths to calm herself from whatever it was that had gotten to her. JJ could relate, though she doubted they were upset for the same reasons.

''Emily? Are you okay?''

Emily looked over at her as she lowered the paper towel, frowning for a moment as she wondered to herself when exactly JJ had stepped in. It wasn't like her to notice, and for a moment she also wondered if someone had sent JJ after her. It wasn't like no one had seen her storm out of Hotch's office and across the BAU bullpen. But the confused and concerned look in sea cobalt eyes told her that JJ really didn't know why she was upset, and something told her that the blonde hadn't expected to find her in here. Maybe it was the traces of anger in her own eyes that had turned them into a darker shade of blue.

''Yeah…yeah it's just…you know when you said if I just did my job and Hotchner would eventually realise I was an asset to this team? Well, it isn't working.''

Emily could still feel the sting of being accused of tipping off Congresswoman Steyer, and the much larger accusation of being a political ladder climber that took this assignment not only to look good and give her a boost but also to be some kind of mole. She had expected the rocky ground given that she had been transferred so suddenly without notice, especially given whose daughter she was, but this? This was something else. _That _had been something else and Emily knew damn well it came from the fact that Hotchner knew how the political and old money world worked, and because he knew how her Mother worked. He had painted her with the same brush when she had landed far from the tree she had been grown from. Perhaps that's why she had lost it.

Emily was a linguist; she knew the effect of words. And her words in that office had spoken for themselves. Of course she had generalized, but she knew it would have been crystal clear that she was talking about herself, her family. She knew she had basically told Hotchner that she didn't trust politicians, her parents and in particular her Mother included. That she had witnessed what it did to those people, how it made them feel about themselves when they crossed every single moral and ethic they had to get the job done until those morals and ethics no longer meant anything. That her family wasn't really a family, that it had been long ago, rendered a shambles, torn and tattered around their feet, only to be mourned and pitied. And last but not least, Emily knew she had indicated that they were damaged. That _she _was damaged. All by this one thing, this one thing that she had been accused of that she hated so much. He couldn't possibly understand. Emily knew who he was. She knew where Aaron Hotchner came from, knew who he came from. Knew they travelled in circles that her own family travelled in. They were two rich kids who had strayed away from their families' expectations. Only, he had yet to realise that. Simply because her family were more known, wealthier and extremely political.

She couldn't remember how many times her heart had been broken because of the people that had raised her. She didn't care to count. She hadn't deserved what he had thrown in her face.

''What happened?''

JJ moved forward, instantly forgetting her own troubles to concentrate on Emily's. There was that vulnerability again. That pain and even a little sorrow. Things that could be seen on the surface, but were the tip of the iceberg. JJ had the distinct feeling that much of it came from her family, given that it had seemed to be a sore subject when they had been talking on Emily's first day.

''He accused me of having a political agenda. He dragged me into his office like some goddamn _schoolgirl_ and basically told me he thinks I'm here to mess things up for this team, that I tipped off the Congresswoman on this case and that he doesn't trust me. I don't have a political bone in my body, JJ. He has no fucking idea what he just said to me.''

Repeating the now shortened version made the sting in her chest grow into a full-blown hit, one that she had sustained because of those words. Because of the flippancy behind them, even though he hadn't said them flippantly. She could feel herself getting angry again, and much to her despise tears well in her eyes. Now more than ever she just wanted to be someone else. Anyone else. Just so long as it didn't come with this stigma attached. People always thought she knew who she was and they were never right. It was exhausting and it was painful and she was sick of it.

''Hey, Em, it's okay. I know, c'mere, I know.''

JJ didn't even think about it. She closed the distance between them, and she wrapped her arms around the brunette. Right at that moment, the only thing on her mind was to comfort a friend. So she took her in her arms and pulled her close, her hand moving to stroke softly through dark brunette hair. She took a deep breath in, relaxing herself with the hug that Emily returned. It was so comfortable, so easy and right and relaxing and possibly a million things that JJ couldn't find words for. The case, her confusion, Delilah and their fight, it all seemed to feel lighter when Emily was holding her like this, and she was holding Emily. It got easier to breathe, the anger vanished and instead she felt like she could deal with anything. She felt stronger. And from the large sigh that came from Emily, who had buried herself into the nook of her shoulder, JJ reasoned that the same thing was happening to her, because she could also feel the other woman's body relaxing against her own.

''I've been called a lot of things in my time, all because of who I am and where I come from. I expect it, I deal with it. But no one has ever believed I'm here to willingly cause trouble and to pass damning information along. I'm not that person, JJ, you have to believe that. I'm not here with any hidden agenda, particularly a political one.''

Emily muttered, desperate for not only faith from someone that she wasn't a mole, but for JJ's faith. If there was going to be one person that rooted for her, _really _rooted for her, she wanted it to be JJ. Something had happened in that elevator two days ago. Something that was theirs and that they both recognized and acknowledged. And she believed it when JJ said she didn't think she was spoilt, didn't think anything less or even more of her because she came from money and highly known parents. So it became important for her to make sure JJ continued to think that, to understand what she wasn't, so she could keep on finding out what she was.

''I know you aren't that person Emily; you don't have to prove yourself to me.''

Emily believed that too. She let out another breath, relieved. It was kind of freeing to be believed in, especially when you hadn't experienced a lot of belief from others. Especially when she desperately needed it. It was difficult, so very difficult to transition into a unit like this. But she wanted it. She had sounded off about it until she had finally gotten in, only to be disheartened by how she was being received. But Emily wasn't a quitter. She didn't give up and she didn't break too easily. All that damage she spoke of, all the pain, she carried it. Because if she didn't, she would have given up and that's not who she was. If she weren't a fighter, she wouldn't be here. She would be in some fancy political position like her parents had wanted her to be. But she was her own person, and she had fought for that. It was why she was in the FBI, why she had defied and disappointed.

''Thank you.''

Having someone helped. It helped probably more than JJ realised. Because she thought she was only a small town girl playing in the big kid's sandpit. She wasn't, and what she did rippled throughout so many lives Emily couldn't possibly tell her. She had read reports, past cases and seen JJ work her magic on the TV. She knew that before she started here. She also knew that JJ sensed that all of this came from some old rooted family issue, and she was right. She had yet to understand the true depth and complication of it, but she instinctually knew how to help without knowing. It was those instinctual tendencies that made JJ so appealing to so many people. The way she could put people at ease and cure their distress was amazing, and just what this team needed.

Emily couldn't help but notice how good the slightly shorter woman felt in her arms. How they seemed to fit together so seamlessly and how much she liked JJ's weight pressed against her. She could feel her breath, feel her warmth and the essence around her that she carried, and she liked it. It made her feel warm too; made her feel calmer and the rhythm of breathing made her feel comfortable. JJ smelt so good, so fresh and crisp and clean. She smelt like air, she smelt like radiance and warmth and pureness. Her skin was so soft and her hair was like silk, holding its own smell from the shampoo that still lingered in golden strands. JJ smelt like home.

As everything began to register within her, Emily found it hard to keep her breathing under control. She found it hard not to think about how much she wanted to kiss the blonde, and as she pulled back just enough to look into those beautiful eyes her tongue rolled over her lips in anticipation, her breath catching in her throat. JJ didn't pull away, but only let her eyes flicker down to her own lips for a moment as she too dropped into a shallow breathing rhythm. Emily couldn't stop herself from reaching up to brush some of JJ's hair before tucking it back gently, letting her finger trace the side of her face. She swallowed, hard, letting her hand pull away even though everything in her was screaming to do just the opposite.

This was not the place, it was not the time and it was definitely not how she wanted anything to happen between them. She had to remind herself that she was playing a chess game here, and if something were to happen now then it would be regretted and it would push JJ too far. It would inevitably put a stop to anything and everything. Emily had yet to figure out some things, about herself and about JJ, before anything could happen. She couldn't just skip half the moves of the game. Not that she saw JJ as a game, but she still had to play her moves like so. And when she let her eyes look up at the blonde again, she knew JJ understood.

This could not be rushed. This would not be rushed. They had yet a lot of things to discover.

**Later that day**

JJ sighed, lifting up her left hand to rub her forehead slowly. It was branching out into the late afternoon, and JJ knew that one of two things was going to happen. Option one was that there would end up being nothing more they could do and be sent home to get some rest for the night, whereas option two would be working long into the night. JJ had to think about which one she would actually prefer right now. Option one sounded good in theory, she was tired and having the chance to actually go home during a case and crash was limited for them. However, her fight with Delilah was severely putting her off that option, because she didn't want to deal with the chance that she was being waited for at home. Even her little couch looked a hell of a lot better than going to her apartment right now because of that. She was still indignant, offended and hurt over what had happened.

However, the prospect of working late into the night wasn't exactly appealing anyway. Not that she was begrudged to doing so and helping to stop a vicious killer and save innocent women. She could and she would without hesitation. But this night, JJ had a feeling that they would end up chasing their tails and wasting time. The air was still thick from the incident that had transpired between Hotch and Emily. Although everyone else didn't seem to notice, or at least said nothing if they had, JJ did because she knew what had happened. They weren't being unprofessional. Actually, to the unknowing eye it would appear that nothing had happened. But there was just something in the air that JJ could see, some residual presence of it. She felt bad for Emily. Not in a pitying way, but just bad for her because she knew how it was to be tarred with the wrong brush. She hoped Hotch would just hurry up and see her for what she was already.

For some reason, JJ chose that moment to think about home. She had no idea why, really. But the flash hit her anyway, and she thought about the place where she grew up. It was beautiful there, and as it was it stood up to a lot of beautiful sights that JJ had seen around the country. Maybe it was nostalgic bias, she wasn't sure. Sometimes she missed it, other times she couldn't bear the thought of going back up there. The whole town looked exactly the same as it had when she had been a child. The one high street hadn't changed, the houses and the people, they hadn't changed either. For some people, that was a good thing. For others, not so much. Back home was a place that was like the flip sides of a coin. One good, one bad. What JJ did know, was that a fair few people had been glad to see her leave for college, and got mighty uncomfortable when she visited her parents.

It didn't matter to her. She had long ago grown accustomed to the traits that narrow mindedness, strict religion and homophobia brought out in people. Her town again came down on the flip of 50/50. It wasn't a wholly religious town, but it had enough zealots and believers in it to make her life difficult enough when she was there. Nothing was kept a secret there, including her sexuality. There were two Jennifer Jareau's up there. One Jennifer was a sexual deviant, corruptor and whore that had strayed from gods will. The other Jennifer was sweet and talented, intelligent and making it out there in the big city with a badge and a gun.

The funny thing was, she was always trying to decide which Jennifer she was. Not that she thought she was anything remotely near the first, but she never knew if she was exactly the second, either.

Unsurprisingly enough, her family was also a mixed bag. Her parents weren't devoutly religious, far from it. With the amount of cheating that went on under their roof it was a good job they weren't. But it didn't go to say that they had completely understood her choices in life either.

She was the first and thus far their only child to aspire to college, not settling on scoring a job in town and settling down. She was the only one doing anything tied in to law enforcement, and they were still a little weary that she carried a gun and held such a dangerous job. They didn't like the idea of the big city. And although they had never discouraged her, they hadn't exactly encouraged her either. As far as Delilah was concerned, along with every other girl she had dated even if she hadn't told them about any, and the lifestyle she led, they were confused. There had been no major overreaction, just questionings on what they had done and why she wanted to be so different. They had told her it was too far, that it was just a rebellious phase. After it was apparent it wasn't a phase, they had accepted the situation for what it was, but were still confused over it. They'd told her they would love her anyway. JJ wondered when it became an option.

Pushing the thoughts from her brain, JJ blinked to force herself to come back to reality, reminding herself that she had work to do. She hadn't meant to seep into thoughts about back home, and she didn't care to muster up a reason as to why she had either. Maybe she could muse on it later, but right now she just wanted to concentrate on her work and stop this unsub from killing more women.

Coffee helped in the aide of catching unsubs, at least for this team it did given their working hours, so the troubled blonde lifted up from her seat, dropping her pen and walking around her desk to head out into the hallway. There were only a scattering of people about, and she nodded or smiled faintly at people as she past them by out of sheer politeness. Pushing her way into the bullpen, she headed straight for the kitchenette, grabbed a mug with one hand and the coffee pot with the other. Swirling the liquid in the pot, she tipped it and poured it out, filling it until it was almost at the brim. She was going to forgo milk this cup, only interested in the fix a black coffee would give her. After shoving the pot back, JJ quickly lifted the mug to her lips and took a long, satisfying sip.

She dread to think what the world would be without coffee. Or what she would be like without it, given that she basically lived off the stuff. Taking another sip, which actually turned into a gulp this time, JJ's eyes began to roam the bullpen over the rim of the glass. It was getting late into the afternoon, which meant it would be round about now that people would start disappearing. She saw members of her team moving around doing what they needed to, though saw no sign of Emily. However, as she was about to go over and have a word with Reid, JJ's eyes flicked past the glass doors, then flicked back over as she thought she saw something familiar. As her eyes confirmed her belief, her stomach jumped into her throat, and JJ discarded her coffee onto the side before moving swiftly out through the doors and back into the hallway.

''What the hell are you doing here?''

The usually passive blonde demanded in a hushed and angry tone, coming face to face with her girlfriend. God this wasn't happening to her. Not right now, she couldn't handle it right now. Delilah had absolutely no business just showing up at her work like this, especially when she knew she was working a case. Especially after what had happened. And with flowers no less. Could she be more obvious? It wasn't like her team didn't know she was gay, or that they didn't know Delilah, but the rest of the FBI? They didn't and she didn't really want it broadcasted. Particularly to one individual, that she had yet to inform of her sexuality.

''I came to talk. And to apologise.''

Delilah stated, a little perturbed at JJ's reception and yet also softly, indicating the guilt that she obviously felt. The lanky brunette shifted slightly as JJ gaped at her, becoming uncertain and even pleading. As her mouth went dry, she swallowed softly, eyes drifting to glance across the hall for a moment, unable to meet her girlfriend's furious glare. Well, it was more like a withering death glare; one that JJ was scarily astute at giving out when she wanted to. Sometimes she didn't need to say a word, the look would suffice and right now was no different. She was still furious. Delilah supposed she had a right to be. The row had been stupid and JJ had been right to tell her to go to hell for not believing in her. Ever since she had, Delilah couldn't stop thinking about coming over here and apologizing, so here she was.

''Delilah, I'm at work.''

JJ stated incredulously, raising her eyebrows and waiting for some acknowledgement in Delilah's face that she realised that this was so inappropriate in so many ways. There was no sign. Seeing movement across the hallway, along with some questioning glances, JJ took hold of Delilah's arm and began to shove her in the direction that the nearest shelter was, Garcia's office. From where they were, it would take longer to march Delilah into her own office, so she opted for that of her best friends domain and just hoped she wouldn't mind the intrusion. Though, given that she was so frightfully angry at Delilah right now, that wasn't really on JJ's mind. Instead she just concentrated on marching Delilah into the damn office so she could yell at her some more in peace.

It failed to come to her attention, however, that Garcia was far from alone with her computers. It completely escaped her notice, as she slammed the door shut, that Emily was sat with Garcia going over something that the computer goddess had unearthed. They both jumped at the sudden bang of the door, each looking around, surprised to find an irate JJ and the dark haired woman. Instantly, Garcia knew something was wrong. Very wrong. She knew her friend, and she knew what that look in her eyes meant. They were dark and when JJ got so angry, they looked dangerous too. Because JJ in this mood was extremely dangerous. Emily however, could only frown in absolute confusion, mouth falling ajar slightly as she tried to work out just who the other woman was. Clearly, someone of importance and someone personal to JJ, although she did carry a badge and a gun. She didn't make a sound though, her eyes deferring to look at Garcia for a moment before moving back to the scene before her.

''I just…I cannot believe you. First you don't believe in me, then you try and tell me what I can and can't do, and _now_ you turn up _here_? At my work Delilah! Jesus this isn't some casual place, this is the FBI and you pick right now and right here to try and make it up to me? You must be out of your goddamn mind! _My boss is right down the hall_!''

JJ yelled sternly, still incredulous and that level of angry where you almost laughed because you were so full of fury. She was still having trouble accepting the fact that Delilah had really turned up like this after that fight. After she had expressed the wish for her not to even come to her apartment. Briefly, she hoped that she had just dozed off in her office and all of this was just a dream of a worst-case scenario. She would actually try and hope for it, believe it could be true even, but she wasn't that damn lucky.

''What was I supposed to do if you wouldn't answer my call?''

Delilah squeaked in return, not having expected this level of anger. Sure, she knew JJ was pissed at her, but this? It was actually unnerving her. She frowned in troubled confusion as JJ groaned, scoffing as she shook her head, flailing her hands in the air emphatically.

''Damnit Delilah, you don't even get it do you? You don't even know why I'm fucking mad! What the hell gives you the right to make you _think _you can do this? This is my _job_; it's my _work _do you get that? After everything that _you _did, why do you think you could turn up here?''

As JJ flat out yelled now, holding nothing back as she did, Emily's mind threw the pieces together so fast that it was disorientating. There had been more or less no doubt in her mind that JJ at least took some interest in women, if not all her interest. The pull between them, the one that felt like gravity that had her lying awake at nights as she thought about the mesmerizing blonde, that was unmistakable. They had chemistry, a lot of it. The moments they shared, though nothing had happened within them, hadn't even been voiced, had been significant to her. She had never been gravitated to someone so quickly. Never felt like she knew a person within the first few moments of meeting them. It wasn't a surprise that she had her musings that JJ was attracted to women confirmed, it was a surprise that there was actually a woman. Because this, this right here right in front of her, this was a relationship. This wasn't just some 'I never called you back' or tender interest gone sour, this was a flat out lovers row, one that was born only out of deep relationships and commitments. So it begged the question, what had their moments been all about?

''Because I love you, that's why! And you're supposed to love me back, or doesn't that matter when you step into your precious work? I didn't realise you stopped being Jennifer Jareau when you became Agent Jareau.''

JJ snickered again, not in the least bit disturbed by Delilah's own dark glower as she started to fight back.

''Yeah okay, let's blame me shall we? That's so typical of you, always assuming I'll drop whatever I have going on because you want me to? Everything else be damned. It doesn't work like that, sometimes I can't. Sometimes I don't _want _to. Why should I if you treat me like you did this morning?''

''You're being unreasonable JJ.''

Delilah provided, like it was the be all and end all definition of why this was happening and there was no questioning it.

''I am _not _unreasonable.''

''Yes you are, what do you call this?''

''How about an understandable reaction? You love me, I get that, but where was that this morning when you felt it within your right to treat me like I didn't matter and like you _owned_ me? Huh? Do you know how that made me feel? I have been with you for 5 years Delilah, and you _still _don't understand me, do you?''

Delilah scoffed, turning away at the insult and opening her mouth to respond but falling short. Huffing again, she ran a hand through her hair as she shook her head in disbelief.

''You know what, I can't talk to you when you're like this.''

''Well I'll tell you what, why don't you just get the hell out of my face and try to get over yourself and actually think about why I can't even look at you right now. Get out.''

In the face of such a forceful finality, Delilah huffed as she turned on her heel, not so gently yanking the door open and walking out, slamming it behind her as she left, leaving a deathly silence in her wake. JJ just stood there, rooted to the spot, panting at the energy it had taken from the confrontation. She couldn't remember when she had been this angry, particularly at Delilah. The woman pushed her buttons sometimes, but it had been a long time since it had been this bad. Though, in hindsight, she supposed she should have seen it coming. They had been heading for something, big, and she supposed this had been it.

Emily looked at Garcia uncertainly, silently asking her what they should do, if anything. She didn't even think that JJ realised they were there. The younger blonde just stood there, almost in a state of shock, the only movement being her breathing and as she lifted a hand up to rub her forehead. But after a moment Emily realised it was more than that, as she heard the softest indication of a sniffle coming from her. She was crying.

Upon realising this too, Garcia stood up in one swift motion, approaching her friend sympathetically, full of concern. She reached out, touching JJ's shoulder to indicate that she was there. The other Agent didn't do anything for a moment, only flinched at the sudden touch, but after that moment, when Emily guessed that she couldn't hold it in anymore, she turned into Garcia who was ready for her with open arms. JJ clung to her like Emily would see a child cling to their Mother. Her arms wrapped around Penelope, who made soothing noises and whispers, rubbing JJ's back as she held her almost protectively.

Emily had never seen JJ cry. She had never even thought about it. Seeing it now, in front of her in this intensely intimate moment, it made her heart want to break. It made her angry at this other woman without even knowing her. She had heard enough to know that this woman, Delilah, would never find a saving grace within her, because of how she had just treated JJ. Of how she had treated her even. She didn't need to know the ins and outs, JJ's outline thrown in Delilah's face was enough, and the darker woman hadn't denied it. Just tried to turn it on JJ. It was wrong, in so many ways but especially because it was JJ. Emily felt outraged for her, and also because she knew she would never have done the same thing in Delilah's position. How could anyone be so stupid? How could anyone ever want to control JJ? How could anyone think they could keep something so elusive and radiant trapped in a box?


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note - I am part of the team of moderators on a community in Live Journal called Woman_In_Kevlar. The girls and I are currently holding the 2010 Femslash Awards, and we would like you to be part of it! The nomination process has just started, and there is pretty much a category for everything you can imagine, and includes fics, graphics, videos and the like. You do NOT have to be part of Live Journal to nominate and then vote. If you check out my profile, I have the email you can contact the team with to receive the ballot, and the run down of the processes and rules. Thank you :)**

XXX

Emily nursed the glass of aged whiskey in her hands, head ducked down slightly as she stared at the warm brown liquid. Neat, no ice for her tonight. No, tonight was a night that she wanted water far away from her liquor, wanting nothing to do with an impurity of it as she drank. Emily wanted it as strong as it could possibly be.

Lifting the glass up, the dark brunette swirled the liquid in her hand momentarily before lifting it up to her lips. Her eyes drifted closed, her senses appreciating the delectable taste as it tipped over her lips, flushed into her mouth and eased down her throat. She had drunk enough not to feel the burn now, but not enough to miss the appreciation of a very good bottle. She supposed it was one of the reasons that she came here.

Not only did the upscale, though out of the way bar take discretion beyond its literal definition, it proffered its loyal customers only the best liquor around. Of course, if you wanted the best you had to fork out for it, but Emily had no problem in doing that. She did after all, value the beautiful and exquisite things. And though a good bottle of wine or liquor could be described as neither of those things, there was still a living art form to them that she put stock in.

The profiler sat on a stool at the bar, the black sheen of the smooth top reflecting slightly the wall lights behind the bar. It showed the full extent of the liquor bottles lined up perfectly on different levels. It also reflected the blue lights that lined the entire wall to ceiling meeting throughout this place. She liked it here because it wasn't garish, it was simple in its tones, sophisticated without being too obnoxious, and it was a little darker than most places. You could get peace here, and at the same time you could seek the time of your life.

Emily however, simply sought her chosen drink for the night. Had skipped beer and gone straight for the hard stuff. She wasn't in the mood to mess around. Not when she slipped into this kind of brooding. Not when she imagined that Jennifer Jareau would be however many miles from here, most likely fucking her girlfriend senseless in the hot and rough sex that only came post fight. And after a fight like theirs, Emily's jaw clenched at just how good that sex would be. How undeserved it would be. Not for Jennifer, but Delilah.

After JJ had gotten the wave of emotion out of her system, Emily was sure that the inevitable would happen. That she would have returned home, still angry but a little more willing to listen to her lover. They would have fought some more, and Emily was positive it would have been JJ to make the first move toward ceasing the words and entering into the phase where the only thing left to do was to fuck it out instead. She didn't know how she knew, but she did. Not that she wanted to. The only person she wanted to imagine touching JJ was herself.

5 years was a long time. A hell of a long time, actually. Emily had never made it to 5 years in a relationship herself, though she had only just fallen short. It wasn't that she didn't have the staying power particularly, but more that she had never stumbled across anyone that wanted her to exercise it. JJ was doing an impressive job if she didn't say so herself. Younger and better at committing to the cause. Anyone else would have been completely deterred. And for tonight, Emily knew she would be. Emily was angry and indignant, disappointed and disheartened. She would drown her sorrows in this fabulous whiskey, her mood dark because of the scene that she had witnessed earlier.

But tomorrow? Tomorrow was a new day, and tomorrow she would have knowledge that she didn't have yesterday. This morning even. Tomorrow she would know that what she had perceived as moments between herself and JJ wasn't in her imagination. Tomorrow she would know that she actually stood a chance. Tomorrow she wouldn't give a damn that JJ had a girlfriend, because tomorrow she would really acknowledge what today had brought her. And that was JJ's discontent in her relationship. Something the blonde was either truly unaware of yet, or that she was trying desperately to ignore.

But there were no taking back the one sentence that JJ had uttered at Delilah. They rang clear as a bell in Emily's head right now. _I have been with you for 5 years Delilah, and you still don't understand me, do you? _That's all Emily needed to know.

''Hey there.''

Emily blinked, the flow of her brooding thoughts interrupted by the lilting voice that had floated from beside her. Looking up, the profiler met eyes with a dark haired redhead, complete with brilliant green eyes. Green eyes that literally purred out their interest in her, so there was no mistake of why she had been approached. Though Emily had expected to have a few drinks and leave, to tumble into bed and lose herself in a fitful sleep, she wasn't adverse to the idea of having company in her bed tonight. She wasn't about to turn a blind eye to the woman before her, or her blatant appreciation of her.

''Hey yourself.''

Emily didn't make any grand movements, simply let her eyes roam up and down the redhead's form. She was tall, maybe an inch or so taller than herself. Emily would have put her at between 38-40, slender and radiant, with an enticing smile. The silver, spaghetti strapped dress clung to her in all the right places, accenting her very generous and inviting curves. She was beautiful, and Emily really did have that weakness.

She herself was still in her work attire, black pants, blue shirt, black pull over. Her credits were in her back pocket; her gun was still clipped at her side along with her cuffs. She had left her coat strewn in the back of her car, which she had parked outside and planned on collecting in the morning. Emily knew her limits, and although she thought she could easily make it home behind the wheel of her own car, she certainly wasn't going to gamble it. Never had, never would.

''Can I buy you a drink?''

The woman offered, an eyebrow rising not particularly questioningly but suggestively. Emily glanced at her glass; it still had a generous amount of liquid in it. The redhead saw her look, and smiled as she slipped onto the neighboring stool, leaning on the counter but toward her rather than straight out on it.

''How 'bout you buy me one then?''

She suggested, obviously not put off. Emily looked at the stranger for a moment, before moving her eyes toward the bartender who she gestured her head at, indicating he pour something out for her new friend. As he moved to, Emily took in a slow breath, lifting her glass up to take another sip, her eyes still studying the woman next to her.

''You a cop?''

The redhead wondered generally, having spotted the sidearm and the cuffs. Emily swallowed her whiskey slowly, eyes now trying to read if there was some specific reason that this woman wanted to know. Sizing her up, she began to speculate on what exactly her story was. This place wasn't known for any kind of call girls, but she supposed it could happen. After this case, she supposed her mind was still somewhat suspicious. The suspicion must have shown, because the woman chuckled softly, taking the glass the bartender gave her and lifted it up instantly to take her sip, looking away for a moment before swallowing, then looking up to regard Emily again.

''Relax. I'm a Doctor, not an escort. Just making small talk.''

She eased, tone un-offended and slightly amused. Emily tipped her head once, with a tip of her hand that held her drink in her hand, making the brown liquid slosh gently.

''Yes, I'm a cop. Or something like it.''

The woman nodded, refraining from asking what that actually meant. Emily supposed she was smart enough to work out that she was in law enforcement and she really didn't want to talk about it.

''What's your name?''

The Doctor asked, glancing around the establishment that surrounded them, before those gleaming green eyes landed back onto Emily. There was this moment that both of them understood, that both instantly recognized and didn't apologise for. And that was the internal deliberation on whether they would tell the truth or not. Whether they would provide something false, something that could be forgotten about easily, rather than make it real by providing something real.

For Emily, there wasn't much contest.

''Emily.''

She didn't often play games. Didn't often decide on taking someone home without knowing what she was doing and why. She didn't shy away from her decisions, her choices were her own and she didn't see the point of ducking out of them by pretending to be someone else. She wanted this woman, wanted to lose herself in her, have something strong and passionate. Emily had no urge to detach herself from it, because for her, it would detract from the experience. And no matter how she would feel about it tomorrow, next week, a year from now, it was her choice.

''Kate.''

The profiler knew instinctively that she had gotten a real answer too. Seemingly, Kate had taken her cue, and upon seeing the truth of her answer and also answered honestly. There was no pretense, Dr Kate was hiding nothing, and neither was she. They were here, they were attracted to each other, and for their own reasons, this was needed, wanted and would never happen again. Because there was no game around it, there was no awkwardness, no difficulty and no unease. Neither felt bad about it.

''So, Kate, small talk is over rated. You want to get out of here?''

She didn't see the point of sticking around, not when they both knew what they wanted. Kate smiled, sitting up with a brief nod in agreement. They both swallowed their remaining drinks, and as Emily stood up she pulled out the notes in her pocket, putting down more than was necessary on the bar and giving a heads up at the bartender before she turned, and Kate followed her through their quiet surroundings out into the fresh air.

By the time that they had reached Emily's apartment, after she had paid the cab and they had journeyed up in the elevator and the profiler had opened up her door, there was no more small talk, only the action of what they were both seeking.

**6:31am**

The shrill of the phone pierced the peace of the air, hammering between Emily's dreams and comfort. Unfortunately, she had conditioned herself long ago to respond to the beckoning of her cell phone, so groggily she began to stir. Forcing her head to endure the pain it received as she opened her eyes, Emily rolled over in her bed to grab for the insistently annoying gadget. As she did, her bleary eyes managed to spy the time, causing her to groan as she grabbed the phone and rolled onto her back again, answering the call before she even looked at the ID display.

''Prentiss.''

Her voice was gravelly from the whiskey and broken from sleep, a little hoarse too, considering the sounds that the woman that was still in her bed had managed to elicit out of her. The woman that stirred slightly, obviously awoken by the disturbance. Emily swallowed hard, trying to force her body to wake up, trying to make her voice a little stronger as her hand lifted up to tangle in her hair as she starred up at the ceiling.

''It's fine, JJ. What kind of case?''

Emily felt a small frown appear on her forehead as she listened intently to JJ's regretful apologies for waking her up, and oh so professional explanation of why. Emily didn't know how JJ could sound quite so professional at 6:30 in the morning, but she figured that the blonde had probably been awake longer than she had. Undoubtedly, some poor soul of a desperate Detective or someone like that had found it urgent enough to call the liaison at the butt crack of dawn. And she had come to trust that when JJ thought it was urgent enough to call at such an hour, then it was definitely urgent.

''I'll be there in 45 minutes.''

Emily ruffled her hair lightly, ending her call and sighing slowly. The mantra that she loved her job kept playing through her head, reminding herself that she really did. When she was showered and had poured a jug of caffeine down herself, she would remember. Until then, she was sleepy and comfortable in her bed and she would have given anything to get a little more sleep. Instead, she cleared her throat, turning her head toward Kate, who simply looked back speculatively.

''Work?''

The redhead guessed, probably not unaccustomed to being beckoned to work at irregular hours. Emily nodded lightly, grateful at the understanding look in sleepy green eyes. At least she didn't have to explain what it was like.

''I'm usually somewhat more accommodating, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave.''

There wasn't an apology in there, because Emily saw no reason she should have to. If the phone call had never come in, if she hadn't have needed to start getting ready and go pick up her car, she would have indeed been a much better hostess to this woman. Offered her coffee and breakfast, let her shower and dress in peace and without rushing her. She wasn't so cold as to refuse that. Not unless she had to, but even then, it wasn't because she wanted to get rid of her quickly.

''No problem. I just need you to call me a cab, Agent Prentiss.''

Emily frowned, maybe a little petulantly, as she sat up and dialed at the same time. She watched as Kate rolled out of bed, completely at ease at roaming her bedroom completely naked. Though, why should she be embarrassed now, it wasn't like Emily hadn't seen her naked already.

''How did you know that?''

The Agent wondered, listening to the ringing of the phone. Kate smiled softly, slipping on her underwear as she found it.

''I saw your badge last night. You answered the phone with your last name.''

She responded easily, flicking a hand in the simplicity of the reason as she spied her discarded dress and moved over to pick it up. It didn't really matter to Emily that Kate knew her full name and status now. No more than it bothered her to actually supply her real name last night. Concentrating on the phone, she spoke to the cab service and she gave them her address and indicated to Kate that they would only be a few minutes.

The redhead thanked her for the night and said goodbye, and Emily locked her door up again before shaking herself out of it, her only movements now centered around getting ready. Showering quickly, Emily threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt, and slipped on her shoes before grabbing her cuffs, gun and badge. She called for her own cab, grabbing a jacket and her go bag along the way after she added another suit to it, figuring she may need it considering they would be dealing with what sounded like the snobbery of Newport, California. Then she was on her way. And after picking up her car, she drove herself into Quantico, reaching the doors of the BAU bullpen pretty much exactly 45 minutes since she had answered JJ's call. Looking around, the area was deserted, but there was movement in the conference room. Putting her bag and her jacket onto her desk, Emily cleared her throat as she strode up the steps and down the walkway into the round table room.

''I'm the first one here?''

She asked, unnecessarily given that the only other person in the room was JJ. The blonde turned, having had her back to her as she finished putting pictures and pieces of information up on one of the boards, smiling warmly but tiredly. It wasn't the same. Immediately Emily felt the slight awkwardness, saw it in bright blue eyes even. JJ only looked at her for a moment, nervously lifting a hand up to push a blonde strand out the way of her face, before she glanced down at the stack of files she had in front of her chair.

''Yeah. The others won't be long.''

Emily nodded, hesitating still by the doorway as she suddenly became unsure of herself. There had never been this kind of awkwardness between her and JJ before. Tension maybe, because they were both highly aware of the something between them, but not this. She didn't like it, it was unpleasant and uncomfortable. And it had everything to do with Delilah.

''Can we talk, for a minute?''

Emily asked, frowning in hope as her voice dropped soft and let out the uncertainty she was feeling. It made JJ look up again, and there was a pause before she nodded lightly. Emily gestured toward the coffee pot at the side, and they both moved over to it slowly.

''I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I mean, you were pretty upset yesterday and I just wanted you to know if you need to talk or anything, I'm around.''

JJ let Emily speak as she watched the brunette pull out two cups and fill them with the coffee, seemingly not thinking about it as she put a sugar in one and then tipped some milk into it, stirring before lifting it up and handing over to her. The thing with her was that everyone knew she loved coffee, but she varied on how she took it. Sometimes black, sometimes white, sometimes cream, sometimes with sugar, sometimes without. Emily didn't hesitate in making her it, so JJ wondered how the brunette knew how she had wanted it, because she had gotten it spot on.

Yesterday had been emotional for her, it was true. After the shouting match between her and Delilah, and then her cry fest on Garcia's shoulder, JJ had only then noticed that Emily had been in the room. The only real word she could come up with to describe how she felt upon seeing her there, was mortified. For no other reason that she was embarrassed by the behaviour of her girlfriend, and her own resulting behaviour toward her. JJ didn't want Emily to think she went around getting into unprofessional and personal arguments at work. Didn't want her to think that she just lost it at the drop of a hat. She had also hoped to keep one world and the other separated, because the idea of Delilah and Emily clashing together was less than appealing. It made her uncomfortable and nervous, but she supposed it was her own fault. If she wasn't behaving and feeling so inappropriately with and for Emily, then she'd have nothing to worry about.

''Thank you, that means a lot to me. I really wanted to apologise for that, it is _not _my typical standard behaviour.''

Emily nodded, taking a sip of the gloriously strong coffee, already knowing that JJ was being sincere. She could also sense the relief of the younger woman, and the awkwardness began to lessen a little.

''I know. Such is life though, right? Sometimes things happen that are completely out of our control.''

Emily wondered if she was talking about what happened yesterday, or the chemistry that had cropped up between them now. Saw that JJ was harboring the same wonder, although still relieved and even more relaxed by her earnest tone and the complete lack of admonishment or petulance of not having been told about Delilah before. To be honest, Emily didn't care why. After all, she was still the newcomer and she was still trying to figure out and get used to whatever was going on with JJ, just like the blonde, so it wasn't particularly surprising.

''Yeah, I guess. So, I mean…we're good?''

The blonde probed, frowning in confusion slightly as the little squeak of hope escaped through her words. Emily shrugged and nodded nonchalantly.

''As far as I'm concerned. As long as you're doing okay.''

JJ smiled brightly and warmly, thankful for both Emily's understanding and her seeming concern over the situation. That pit of lava in her stomach vanished immediately; a small weight lifting off her shoulder that what happened yesterday hadn't ruined any professional or personal connection with Emily. Friendship being the personal, of course. She had to keep telling herself that, because she had a girlfriend.

One that she had returned home to last night, tired and grouchy. She hadn't particularly wanted to deal with everything there and then, but Delilah had forced her hand. But after getting home, JJ had ended up being willing to argue some more, pushing for some answers. Sometimes the best thing to do was to fight, and she had to admit, when she and Delilah fought they did it well. The brunette had been furious for basically being thrown out of the building, and for a while JJ thought they were going to go around in circles. But at last Delilah apologised, and seemed to have a little of a better grasp over what she had done than when she had appeared at the BAU. After a while, JJ had been too fed up to fight anymore, and it all ended up where it usually ended up with them. In bed.

''Yeah, I'm okay, thanks. We talked it through, she apologised for turning up like that.''

Emily nodded, swallowing her mouthful of coffee as she looked down at the cup in her hands briefly.

''And the rest?''

She asked, in subtle and quiet challenge. Looking up again, she saw the flicker of the stall JJ felt at the question.

''She's…not the greatest at admitting that she was the one at fault. But, she said sorry and that she believed me and it wouldn't happen again.''

JJ cleared her throat, knowing that she didn't sound perfectly convinced of that. To be honest, everything was still so fresh and she was still shocked herself at the fact Delilah had reacted so badly. Most of all that she had attempted to lay on some control like she had the right to. It was that that was still troubling her, rather than anything else. And when she looked at Emily she knew that she knew, and it made her feel vulnerable and exposed. It made her feel uncomfortable, because she kept looking at her relationship through the brunette's eyes, and it made her cringe at what she saw.

''You saw the bad side of us both yesterday; we're hardly ever like that. Delilah's done a lot for me, I love her.''

She continued, trying to stop that feeling. It was wrong that she cringed when she saw it from an outsiders point. Everyone here loved Delilah; they got on well with her. They had known Delilah as long as they had known her; so of course they were friends and sometimes it was harder to spot the flaws when it came to friends. But Emily? She didn't know her, she was new and she could look at it differently and with fresh eyes. With more scrutiny.

''I'm sure you do.''

Emily bit her bottom lip, looking down again as she breathed in deeply. She had a vague inkling that JJ was trying to convince herself more of that than her, but hearing her say it wasn't exactly fun either. It wasn't the strongest profession of love she had ever heard, but there was some truth behind it.

Emily couldn't tell yet though if JJ really did love her, and they were just going through a rough patch, or whether she just loved her and didn't want to hurt her by leaving. There was a big difference between loving someone and being in love with them, Emily knew that much. And although she needed to work out what JJ felt for Delilah to indicate what their moments had been about, and whether they had any kind of development to come, Emily also was a little afraid to. She already had had some strong reactions and feelings toward JJ; she didn't know what would happen if she found that the blonde really was in love with Delilah. But it also scared her to think that she wasn't, because it gave her an opportunity. And the prospect of something happening was scary too. JJ seemed to see right into her, and Emily had gotten so used to not being known that it was frightening to accept that she would be.

**One week later - Sunday**

''_Delilah_!''

JJ screamed, springing up in bed till she was sitting bolt upright, the breath having been stolen from her lungs causing her to gasp heavily as she searched the room frantically with her eyes. Where had the bar gone? Where had the people gone? Lifting up her hands, she stared at them in total confusion, frowning deeply as she inspected them. She didn't understand. She lifted one of her hands up further to brush against the side of her head, pulling it back to inspect her fingers again. There was no blood. Why wasn't there any blood? The only pain she felt was in her strained lungs, and her eyes that throbbed with the sudden onslaught of light. How was that possible?

The blonde's body had a fine sheen of sweat settled on it, and she began to shiver lightly. Whether it was from the cooler air now the covers were pooled in her lap, or because of her distress it wasn't clear. Her head was spinning, and although she vaguely recognized where she was, she couldn't shake what had just happened. It had been so vivid, so potent. So violent. Why was she here now?

''Hey, hey, I'm right here.''

JJ flinched, her body jerking wildly as a hand touched her shoulder. Her head turned though, toward the familiar voice, and her heart threw itself into her throat as she set eyes on her girlfriend who sat up beside her, a look of concern all over her features. Instantly, JJ gasped, immediately throwing herself at the brunette, arms wrapping around her shoulders tightly. She felt the hot sting of tears in her eyes, and her body continued to tremble against Delilah's in the overwhelming shock she had just been through. From intense fear, to utter confusion to pure relief. It had been so real. She could still smell the blood, could feel it hot against her hands.

''It was so real.''

She muttered between sobs against Delilah's shoulder, not loosening her grip on her as the images flashed through her mind's eye again. She felt the slightly younger woman move her hand up to weave into her hair, glad that she held onto her just as tightly. If she was here holding her like this then she was okay, everything was okay.

''Shhh, it was just a dream. We're okay.''

She soothed softly, worried as the blonde still shook in her arms. JJ hadn't been like this in a long time, and to be honest Delilah thought that the nightmares had come to a stop. About this at least. There were here and then work related dreams, but she could always tell the difference between those and this. This was distinctive and different.

''But he stabbed you.''

JJ insisted, sucking in a breath and pulling back, the realisation covering her face making her look down and her hands pull the cover aside so that she could see Delilah's abdomen properly. Immediately her fingers sought out the scar there, eyes searching intently for anything untoward.

''It was a long time ago JJ, it's okay now.''

Delilah put her hands over JJ's, but didn't stop her from inspecting her long since healed wound, knowing it was something she just needed to do to shake off the dream and really realise that everything was okay. They were in Baltimore, safe in her apartment.

''I…I'm sorry, I guess I just…jesus…''

JJ looked up into dark eyes, breathing deeply as the world between dream and wakefulness became stronger again. Her confusion had been so disorientating, but these nightmares always took a little time to shrug off and realise that's all they were. Just images in her head. Breathing in again and letting it out, she lifted up her hand and ran it through her hair, sitting back as she did. Troubled blue eyes blinked, the panic still running through her veins slightly.

''What brought this on?''

Delilah wondered lightly, reaching out to cup JJ's face for a moment, stroking soft skin with her thumb. JJ shook her head, shrugging half heartedly as she looked back up.

''I don't know.''

She uttered, her sight dropping to gaze at the scar again. It was a straight line down otherwise unmarred skin, neat and around 5 inches long. The surgeons had done a good job, it wasn't garish and to be honest most people didn't notice it. She didn't even think about it herself most of the time, it was just there. Like Delilah said, it was a long time ago. But she did remember the blood, the pain that Delilah had suffered. She didn't know why she had dreamed about it now though. There was no reason she should have, no trigger or anything like that. But her heart throbbed at the memories, the lump forming in her chest at it, at what Delilah had done for her. She owed her so much. She refused to not give her that.

**Monday Evening**

''I'll follow you inside in a second.''

Both Emily and Garcia nodded, leaving JJ standing just outside of the doors of the bar they had chosen to go to after work. The blonde smiled at them and whatever it was that her girlfriend was saying on the other end of the line.

Emily followed Garcia, weaving through people toward the bar. She had accepted the invite for drinks after work, figuring it would be a good way to unwind. As Monday's went though, it had been a relatively good one. Though, getting hit in the head by one of Reid's ''rockets'' hadn't been expected. She had enjoyed the display of 'physics magic', enjoying the laughter and it had to be said, JJ and Garcia's pathetically but very charming girly squeals as the thing had taken off. Even Hotchner had made her laugh.

''So, what's JJ's girlfriend like? You know her, right?''

Emily asked, trying to sound casual about it as she and Garcia leant on the bar and waited to be served. The quirky computer genius grinned, nodding enthusiastically.

''Yeah I do. She's an angel, and let's be honest, totally scrumptious! Even I get charmed by her wily Portuguese ways.''

Garcia cooed merrily. Emily just nodded lightly. She wasn't one to do this, go about gaining pieces of information on the sly. If she wanted to know something, usually she'd come right out and ask it. But the idea of asking JJ about Delilah just yet made her uncomfortable and she thought for some reason that it would be awkward, because of what had happened, because of everything that was happening. Whatever this thing was that had cropped up between herself and JJ, it was still nameless and random, still unknown. Emily didn't do so well with the unknown, it's why she was a profiler; she liked to work things out. She wanted to work JJ out, and the feelings the blonde provoked in her. She also wanted to work out this other woman, work out the dynamic of their relationship, because for some reason, something wasn't sitting right.

''She's a cop, right?''

''Oh yeah, Baltimore SVU.''

Emily raised her eyebrow immediately, the fact that Garcia had said Baltimore intriguing her. It surprised her, more than anything else. Wouldn't that put at least an hour's distance between the two of them? It was an interesting tidbit to have, and she would have asked about it further if not for the hand on her shoulder. She turned, at the same time Garcia did, realising that the blonde had reached out for both of them, a serious and worried look in her eyes.

''We have to go, Morgan's been arrested in Chicago.''

**A day later**

''Do you mind if I open the window a little?''

Emily asked, voice somewhat rough and husky. She thought the shower she had just taken would have helped a little, but it hadn't. She thought maybe now that a little air would do the trick.

''No, go ahead.''

Emily nodded at JJ's answer, propelling herself forward and therefore past her own and JJ's beds, toward the large window built into the wall. She honestly didn't know how she was actually handling this, but considering that she hadn't pinned JJ to the bed and had her way with her yet, that was a sign that she somehow was. Though, it was taking every single stitch of her will power that she held within to do so.

They were still out in Chicago, trying to sort all of this crap to do with bogus murder charges out with Morgan. Reluctantly, the team had retreated to their motel for a scant few hours of rest, and whether it was fortunate or unfortunate, Emily and JJ had ended up having to share a room together. Emily was trying to figure out whether it was a good or bad thing, but either way it was wrecking havoc on her libido. Hormones surged through her, and she honestly didn't know how she was resisting them. Every image of what she could do and wanted to do to and with JJ flashed before her eyes, making it hard to think, to breathe even. Emily didn't think she'd been so attracted to someone in her life, so lustful of someone in her life. And the blonde hadn't helped matters either, only twenty or so minutes ago, when she had walked out of the bathroom clad in a towel.

JJ smelt like vanilla and cocoa, so simple and soft yet so elusive and tempting at the same time. It was warm and sensual, inviting even. Her hair had been darkened from the water, dripping wet along with her body that had droplets rolling down smooth, honeycomb skin. A lot more skin than she had been prepared to see so unexpectedly, and it had stolen the breath from her lungs as her eyes had feasted greedily on every inch that there was exposed. God that woman was glorious. It had taken everything in the brunette to resist from actually having to bite down on her knuckles the view was so provoking. Her hands twitched at the idea of exploring that skin before her, the skin of her own body burning slightly at the anticipation of sliding against JJ's, her lips tingling in the same anticipation of exploration, because she truly did want to explore everything.

In result, her own shower had been an extremely cold one, and she had just stood there, trying to force the images, even the sounds and smells out of her head. She was here to work. _They_ were here to work. Morgan was in trouble and they were here to make sure he got out of it. She had to remind herself of that, constantly. Because despite her being the new kid on the block and all, she knew damn well that Morgan was no killer. Especially that he was no serial killer, the notion was ridiculous. She was slowly starting to get some trust from the guy, and they were slowly starting to talk more and become a little friendlier. He was a good man, that much was very obvious to her. They were just dealing with pig headed, narrow-minded jerks that couldn't be reasoned with.

''God, I can't look at these anymore, my eyes are actually _burning_.''

JJ sighed loudly; dropping the crime scene photos onto the bed as she screwed her eyes shut tightly and bowed her head so that she could drop it into her hands that were elbowed in the knees of her crossed legs. There were files and reports and photos scattered around her, and as much as she wanted to, she just couldn't look at another single one. She desperately wanted to help Morgan. He was her friend and he would do the same for her, but she couldn't do that if she didn't get a little sleep.

Emily turned, having been lost in staring out of the window, appreciating the cool air that drifted in and splashed over her face. It started to give her a little clarity, which she was grateful for. Turning around, she looked at the stressed out blonde, endearingly sitting in the middle of her bed cross legged with her now dry hair loosely tied up, clad in dark blue short shorts and a short sleeved faded yellow UMBC Retriever's t-shirt. It looked as though it was a sports t-shirt, but Emily couldn't quite make out some of the smaller writing.

''I thought you went to Pittsburgh?''

JJ looked up tiredly, her expression full of confusion at the comment. Emily just gestured toward her as she began to make her way back around the room again, first switching off the bathroom light before pulling her bed covers back. JJ watched her for a second, momentarily stalling in her answer now she understood what the brunette was talking about, just taking the moment to watch her movements. She was wearing light blue cotton pants, with a spaghetti strapped soft pink vest. Not remotely what she had expected Emily to be wearing for bed, and when she had emerged from the bathroom, JJ thought she caught a hint of shyness and a touch of embarrassment because of it. JJ just smiled inwardly, she thought she looked gorgeous.

''Yeah, sorry…I did. UP Panther all the way! I stole this from Delilah and 'forgot' to give it back! It's comfy.''

Stuttering at first as she came back to reality, JJ began to collect all the things around her together, stacking it into a nice neat pile which she put on the floor next to her bed, before squirming around to pull out the covers from underneath her in effort to get into bed. She smirked for a second, thinking about how much she rocked because she had almost gotten Delilah to believe that she had lost the t-shirt, when she'd had it all along. Her girlfriend was bound to find it at some point, and she'd be in serious trouble for keeping it, but until then the thing was hers and she would wear it when she pleased. It was soft and comfortable, and it brought her comfort. A little something of the longhaired brunette she was able to keep with her wherever she went. Somehow, JJ even thought it still smelt like her.

''So she went to UMBC?''

Emily enquired, shuffling into the single bed, enjoying the coldness of the sheets.

''Yeah. Played softball there. Actually, you know what, she fences too. I forgot 'cos she doesn't get to do it too much now, but when she was moaning about it the other day, I remembered you said you did.''

Yawning, JJ continued to babble lightly, snuggling down into her pillows and lying out on her side so that she was facing Emily. She looked across the short distance sleepily, thinking how much nicer it would be if they didn't have that distance between them. She wondered what it would be like, falling asleep in her arms, resting her head on her chest so she could slip into slumber listening to her heartbeat. It would be so warm, so comfortable and so easy. It was exactly the things she should have been thinking about. They were even talking about her girlfriend and she couldn't keep her mind solely concentrated on her. This was getting ridiculous. She didn't understand what it was about, and she couldn't talk to anyone about it. Her automatic urge was to go to Garcia, but she was too afraid of what the shorter blonde would say about it all. She didn't want her best friend looking at her with an ashamed or disappointed expression.

It wasn't as though she didn't love Delilah. She did. When she looked at her, like she had the other night, she could see why she had fallen for her. She could see her beauty and her grace, and she could see her spirit and strength. JJ knew that she had been through a lot, and just how remarkable she could be. Delilah was pretty much the best thing that had happened to her, relationship wise. She'd stuck with her, called her on her crap and of course, there had been that incident. Delilah had risked her life for her, and she couldn't turn her back on that. Just because she had started seeing a lot of her faults, started seeing how they could differ so drastically, did not mean anything. It didn't. Delilah had been there and had chosen to risk her life to save her own because she loved her, and JJ couldn't just look past that, it wouldn't be fair. She owed her.

''Softball and fencing. Odd combination.''

Emily mused, yawning lightly too as she shuffled around in her bed, a light and petulant scowl forming on her forehead as she tried to right out her pillows, distracted but still listening to what JJ was saying.

''Odd girl. God, can you still believe we're here trying to get Morgan off the hook for murder? I mean c'mon, it's _Morgan _for crying out loud.''

JJ's line of thought got sidetracked away from her girlfriend and her choice in sporting activities as her eyes glanced at the little pile of information she could just see from the angle she was in. Those damn Detective's were unreasonable, she had tried every trick in the book but they still hadn't budged. Usually her skills at talking people around, even if it was just enough to get a foot in the door, were unparalleled, but there was none of that here. Their man was Derek Morgan and that was that, no listening to reason or looking at the evidence properly. They had twisted everything around to make sure he was a suspect, and it pissed her off. Not only because she knew Morgan was capable of nothing like that, but because it's not what anyone in their business was supposed to do. That's how more people got hurt and killed.

''We'll make it right.''

JJ blinked, looking across at Emily who was now lying in a relatively similar position on her side so that she was facing her too. The depth of sincerity in her eyes at least gave JJ some sort of peace that they would do exactly that, enough to feel the tug of sleep starting to inch over her. She had pushed it off since the moment she found out Morgan had been arrested, but now it was baying at her and she had no choice but to begin to let it drift over her slowly.

It was oddly calming, sharing a room with Emily. She liked the feeling of having another presence here with her, liked having her so close. Close enough to smell the white musk shower gel, to see the sleepy whirls in her eyes. She could hear her breathing, rhythmic and soothing. Emily made her feel comfortable and warm, like it was okay to go to sleep. It's something that not a lot of people gave to her, not even Delilah. JJ loved her sleep and all, but it took her longer to slip into it most nights than anyone else she knew, it had always been that way. But right now, she felt safe.

Emily reached out to the table between the two beds and switched the small lamp off, letting darkness sweep over the room. In all honesty she could have left it on so she could lay there and watch JJ sleep all night, but she knew she couldn't. They needed sleep and they needed to help their friend out. The thought was still tempting though, and as she rolled over onto her back, folding her arms behind her head, Emily narrowed her eyes toward the darkened ceiling, watching as different shadows began to emerge in the strange room. She hated random hotel rooms, and there was something nice about being able to share with JJ because it didn't feel like she was so alone.

''Jennifer?''

She whispered into the darkness before she could really stop herself. Before she really knew what it was she was going to say.

''Yeah?''

Emily took a long, light but deep breath in, actually comfortable with the thoughts drifting across her mind.

''The first time I kissed a girl I was 14 years old. It was the height of summer in France, and it was magical. Her name was Nanette Beauvais. Our families were friends. I thought she was beautiful. We were so young, so innocent, but I still look back on that summer as one of the most powerful things that ever happened to me. That kiss started making things fall into place for me, it was liberating and wonderful. It gave me something to believe in when I went off the rails a little in Rome when the summer ended. It helped me figure out who I was. Who I am.''

Emily's voice was full of wistful memory and meaning, layered with a deep-rooted importance and even love. It was enough to convince JJ that maybe Emily, in an innocent way, had loved this girl. This Nanette Beauvais. The girl that had helped her discover something. JJ could relate to that, she'd had a girl to help her discover it too. The thing was, she wasn't shocked about anything as Emily spoke. The blonde understood instinctually that this was Emily's way of telling her that she was gay, that she was offering this to her for a reason. Even though Emily was wistful and light with her memory, the statement was loaded, the implications deceptively heavy. And it made JJ's heard skip and quicken, made her breath flutter in her throat.

Emily wasn't only trusting her with an obviously beautiful memory, trusting her enough to open up to, but she was telling her that she was here. That she was putting her hat in the ring, standing up to be seen, putting herself in the running and bringing something real into this unknown game of theirs. It excited and scared JJ at the same time, because she had already worked out that in due time, Emily would make her move. And the thing that excited and scared her was that she wanted her to.

XXX

''Oh my god!''

At Emily's gasp, which had a distinctive thrill running through it, JJ's head popped up from below the kitchen counter, where she was bending down to rifle through some of the underneath cupboards there.

''What?''

She squeaked, interested what Emily had discovered, but not quite making out what she was staring at. Actually, she couldn't quite see her from her position, but she was still searching blindly in the back of the space to snag what she was looking for, so she had no real idea where Emily even was. All she knew was that the brunette was undoubtedly raiding through her stuff.

''Jennifer Jareau, you closeted music nerd!''

Emily accused, staring at JJ's hidden gem mine with wide and appreciative eyes. Being a little bit tipsy, Emily had had no problem in rifling and rummaging. And she had hit the jack pot, seriously hit the jackpot. In front of the couch, set against one of the walls, was a long, waist high cabinet, which blocked the view of its contents by smooth wooden sliding doors. Curiosity having gotten the better of her, Emily had knelt down to explore by pulling one of the doors open, finding inside the deceptively deep set compartments sets of perfectly organized music CDs and even records. She had opened door after door, and each one proudly held what had to be hundreds of albums. And JJ picked on _her_ for being a nerd?

''_Wow_, you caught me, I love music! It still beats comic books my geeky friend…ah ha, _gotcha_!''

JJ grinned widely and also smugly as her fingers came into contact with what she was rummaging for. Hidden deep sat two bottles of Irish crème, and she grabbed one of them and stood up, plonking the bottle on top of the counter. She chuckled, rolling her eyes and shaking her head as she looked at Emily who was still squatted by the huge music collection, her finger trailing artists and her mouth slightly agape as she did so. JJ had to admit, she was enjoying the opportunity to have a good stare. Particularly because Emily was right here in her apartment.

It was the first time that she had been by, but they had been doing more and more together lately. At first it had been hitting the gym, just like when they had bumped into one another a while back but organized and with less of the getting stuck in elevators. Then it had been drinks, many of them with Garcia, even Morgan and sometimes Reid came along too. But there had been quite a few with just her and Emily, and they had talked and talked for hours.

JJ felt like she knew the brunette so deeply already they had talked about so much. It was slightly startling sometimes, but it felt good. Emily was interesting. She had a lot of experience, a lot of stories to tell, and she was funny too. JJ found herself wrapped up in every story the brunette had to weave, always right there with her in the middle of it. And she was never scared to offer her own either. It was a deepening friendship; she trusted Emily and Emily trusted her. Their connection, whatever it was, was never completely out of sight or mind, but it didn't hinder their ability to just relax as friends, to get to know one another.

''Can I put one of these on?''

Emily asked, still completely engrossed in the music collection. In all honesty, she didn't think she had ever clapped eyes onto one as big as this, and that even included hers. And she was somewhat of a music lover too. Yet another thing that they had in common. She had found that had happened a lot, that she and JJ had a lot in common. They had had two completely different upbringings, but there was so much to be shared, and it interested her when JJ would come at something from a perspective that she had never even thought of before. Her mind was so intriguing, so fascinating. Their discussions and debates could get passionate and heated, but always in the best way. Always in the engaging way, never the negative way.

''Put anything you want on Em.''

JJ responded automatically, the smallest of frowns moving in over her forehead as she concentrated on pouring out some rather generous portions of the Irish crème, wondering in the back of her mind why on earth Emily was asking her if she could put some music on. She had forgotten that the older woman had never been here before, and she was only being polite by asking her permission. But that's how natural it was to have Emily here. Normally, she would have been guarding her collection with her life.

Emily hesitated upon being spoilt for choice, and then decided to leave it to the odds. Closing her eyes, she reached into the cabinet she was squatted in front of and carefully removed one of the CD's. She looked up, spotting the rather impressive stereo system in the wide alcove to the right of her, and stood to her feet again as she moved toward it. JJ had already switched a couple of the spread out lamps on, along with some different coloured and sized candles. It was so peaceful, so warm and inviting and for a few moments, Emily felt like she belonged here. Like she had been here before and that it was a regular thing. It made warm ripples in her stomach, and she found herself smirking slightly as she put in the CD and turned the system on, happy with herself as smooth tones began to float out of the system. It was a lucky pick she thought, a Conjure One album, giving them funky yet peaceful vibes.

''Is this yours?''

Curiosity piqued, Emily squeaked quietly as she reached for the neighboring framed glass case that sat on the same shelf as the stereo. She lifted it carefully, gazing beneath the glass to what lay beneath it, a large butterfly with black edgings and a fine blue shading in the middle. Simple, yet extremely striking. Inscribed inside was 'Papilio Ulysses. Blue Mountain Swallowtail'. Emily couldn't stop her eyes from fixating on the creature, the impressive simplicity of it, the striking colour. The blue reminded her of one particular shade of JJ's eyes, and for a moment she wondered if that was why she had the framing of the butterfly.

''Yeah. I used to collect them, when I was young? I still have a couple back at my parents, but I only really keep this one.''

Emily turned her head but didn't move, finding that JJ had at some point come to stand at the side of her, also looking at the motionless butterfly inside of the case.

''It's pretty.''

The brunette murmured, turning back to look at it for a moment longer before reaching out to put it back where she had picked it up from.

''Try telling Delilah that, they absolutely freak her out! Honestly, she can't understand why I collected them in the first place, or why I keep this one.''

JJ scoffed with amusement, handing Emily her glass of Irish liquor as she smirked and rolled her eyes, lifting her own glass up to her lips and sipping the warming liquid. Sometimes she wondered on just what it was that made her and her girlfriend so compatible. When she thought about it, they varied on so many things, this being one of the many. Delilah hated it being here and would take any opportunity to try and talk her into getting rid of it. To her, it held no value or purpose, no decorative meaning and was nothing more than an annoyance. To JJ? To JJ it spoke volumes about herself, but she had never quite dared to tell Delilah that because of her hatred of them. No matter how many ways or times JJ could explain it; she knew her lover would never understand. So she just stuck with the same argument, that it was her favourite and it was staying.

''How'd you guys meet, anyways? I don't really know that much about her.''

Emily asked and admitted. Talking about Delilah wasn't exactly her favourite pastime, but she figured now she and JJ were getting even closer as friends, she'd need to know more information than that her girlfriend was a cop from Baltimore called Delilah. That was pathetic. After she had broached Garcia about her a little bit since in the bar, Emily had only heard bits and pieces about the woman. Here and there comments, like the time in Chicago in the hotel room.

JJ had dropped something in the bullpen a couple of days ago and come out with a rather crude expression that no one else but her had understood. It had made her snicker, the fact that JJ knew how to curse like that, obviously having picked it up from Delilah. They had organized drinks with her a couple of times, but one of those times had been cancelled due to their work, and another had been cancelled because Delilah had gotten stuck behind a major road accident and by the time she had gotten into town she had simply gone to JJ's apartment to get some sleep. So Emily yet had the pleasure to meet her properly.

''Oh god, _really_? You _really _want to know?''

JJ cringed, slapping a hand over her forehead and eyes dramatically as she did. Emily chuckled, following the blonde over to the couch.

''Well if I didn't before I certainly do now!''

The older woman laughed, watching JJ squirm into the corner of the couch, her free hand ruffling through the back of her silky blonde hair as she propped her elbow on the back of the comfortable couch and tucked her legs underneath herself. She groaned, looking off to the side for a moment as she half smirked half grimaced.

''I was training at the Academy, and my friends and I went to this bar we used to hang out at to celebrate rocking the obstacle course we'd done and passing our firearms proficiency. There were drinking game gauntlets thrown, merry fun to be had and all that stuff…''

Emily arched an eyebrow, already engrossed in the story and letting her minds eye produce an image of a drunk, hyper JJ.

''So you were wasted.''

She summed up, making JJ go a slight shade of pink.

''_Slightly_! My friends, being the cowards they are, wouldn't play darts or pool with me. Delilah was at the bar, I guess she overheard us, and she said she'd play. So with a _lot _of flirting and drinks later, we stumbled into my dorm room. That's kinda when I found out what her name was!''

JJ rolled her eyes at herself, still a light pink as she shook her head before taking another large sip of her drink. God she couldn't believe she was telling Emily this.

''So basically what you're telling me is that your relationship stemmed out of a drunken one night stand?''

Emily drawled, slightly surprised. Not at the one night stand part, after all she was one to talk, but the fact that it was 5 years later and they were still together. When did that ever happen? TV and film maybe, but Emily couldn't think of one of her friends that had ever made something from a one-night stand. It added another interesting dynamic to her perception of the relationship, that was for sure.

''Pretty much! Weird, I know. But somehow it worked out. We talked, things progressed, things happened to make us closer, and this is just where we ended up.''

As JJ talked, her tone got a little more serious though it was still light. She looked around the room, her bright blue eyes thoughtful as she reflected. Emily picked up the sigh afterward, and the drop of those penetrating eyes. She stalled. For whatever reason, and however silent and unnoticed as it was meant to be, Emily had seen it.

''Are you happy, where you ended up?''

The profiler dared to probe, looking into her drink as she circled the glass in her hand, her tone nonchalant and none demanding, not wanting to push JJ into an awkward corner but severely interested in knowing the answer. She couldn't help herself, if she was going to get a good read on the state of this relationship, on where JJ stood with it, she needed to know. The blonde expelled a puff of air lightly, shrugging slowly as she opened her mouth but stalled, obviously trying to figure out how to say whatever it was in her head.

''It's…it's not easy, I know that much. It used to be, but now? Now it feels like a constant struggle. Everything gets lots in the void between us, and we have more hard times than good times. Which sucks, because when we're good we're great. I don't know if it's the distance catching up on us, or something else.''

JJ admitted, finally dragging her eyes up toward Emily's, showing her the confusion and discontent within them. She drew in another slow breath, the thoughts still fully observable in pools of blue making Emily remain silent so JJ could gather her thoughts and continue.

''Lately…god…lately I feel like she only wants one thing from me. I feel like she doesn't care so much about understanding me, as long as she gets to be in control and as long as the sex is still good. I haven't said that to anyone, even out loud to myself.''

The blonde's voice got quieter, more vulnerable and exposed. The combination was enough to make Emily's heart sink a little bit, because she couldn't bear to think of anyone doing that to her. She leaned forward, firstly moving her fingers to tuck under JJ's chin to get her to look up, before moving to take her hand, slowly interlocking their fingers.

''I'm your friend, Jennifer, you can tell me anything.''

JJ locked her jaw, trying to stop the sudden wave of upset from washing over her. She lost the battle of course, the tears formed in her eyes and she couldn't stop her jaw from trembling slightly as she squeezed Emily's hand, relieved at the fact that she at least didn't have to acknowledge that properly on her own. It was probably a betrayal to her relationship that it was Emily she was confessing this to though, but she needed to say it to someone. She'd pushed it down for long enough and she couldn't fight it anymore.

''JJ, don't take this the wrong way, but if you feel like that, then why are you still with her?''

Emily continued, frowning in confusion but not judgment. Obviously there was something, obviously there had to be something about Delilah that stopped JJ from walking away. JJ didn't strike her as the kind of person that would just stick in this kind of situation for no reason whatsoever.

''I can't hurt her, I love her. And I know she's in love with me. I keep thinking maybe it'll get better, that this is just a bad patch because it's not always like that, like this. She's trying to get transferred over here and we're going to look for a place together. Maybe then we can get back to being who we should be together. She's done so much for me Emily, I owe her.''

JJ answered, her words rushed and panicked, almost like the notion of doing anything that could have the possibility of hurting Delilah was too alarming. She sniffled lightly and cleared her throat, and her eyes dropped again momentarily. It wasn't all bad, they still had good times. Just, right now the good was wrapped around a lot of bad. Didn't everyone go through rough patches? She had to work at it, she knew that. Everything else, including her attraction to Emily, it must have been some kind of by product. Things were difficult so she was really paying attention to the temptation around her. That had to be it. She could handle it, and even if her attraction never went away, she could deal with that and put it aside because she couldn't leave Delilah.

''Owe her? You've said that to me a couple of times now. It's an odd expression in that context. Why do you think you owe her?''

JJ swallowed, hesitating momentarily. She cleared her throat and looked at Emily's befuddled eyes, and felt a little guilty for finding so much peace in those amazingly deep eyes. She could get lost in those eyes, happily so. She didn't feel vulnerable under that gaze, and thought of the many ways those eyes could be watching her and why. Some of those ways sent shivers down her spine.

''It's…it's kinda complicated. I'd rather talk about something else for a while; things have gotten way too serious. We're meant to be getting happily drunk, remember?''

Emily got the hint. But she also got the impression that even with what had already been said tonight; JJ and Delilah's relationship was a lot more than what met the eye. She'd have to dig deeper, that was for sure. Especially if JJ was convinced that there was a reason she had to stick at this, even when she was obviously unhappy. There was a chance that maybe she was right, maybe it was a bad patch, but there was a certain element of truth and knowing that Emily caught in the other woman's eyes that spoke volumes. But for now, she'd pushed her enough, and she was right. They were supposed to be letting off steam, and Emily was going to make damn sure that JJ had nothing to worry about now. Was going to make her feel comfortable and free, the complete opposite of what she was feeling with Delilah.

''JJ?''

''Yeah?''

''You collected butterflies because they reminded you of yourself. Reminded you of growth and potential that was trapped by the place you came from. You keep that one there to remind you of what you escaped, but never left behind because it was always a part of your development. Just as a butterfly has to struggle to gain freedom from its constraints, so did you. And you also keep it to remind yourself that you're flying.''


	6. Chapter 6

After this last case it felt good to be out. And Emily had to admit that it felt even better to be out with the team. Although things weren't outrageously steady for her yet, they were getting better. But after an encounter like this, after crossing paths with Frank, and losing, it was hard not to feel the bonds pull tighter that surrounded this team. One man had beaten them. One highly experienced, extremely prolific killer. He had had it all planned in his head and they had been so many steps behind that they hadn't even seen it coming. It was perturbing that he was out there. Somewhere out there free to keep on killing, having Jane at his side.

Emily thought that was one of the worst outcomes of this case. They had gotten the children but lost Jane. She was so sweet and innocent in her own way that Emily actually despaired a little that the woman had chosen to go with him. Her experience all those years ago had altered her life's path and never released her so that when she came face to face with her would be killer again, she thought he loved her. He didn't. He couldn't. It wasn't possible. But Jane was consumed with him and the 'gifts' he had sent her, so naïve that she believed him.

Emily honestly didn't know whether it was disturbing or admirable that someone could believe in something so much that they ignored the horrifically obvious. Wherever they were, Emily hoped that Jane was okay, she had felt for her.

It had shaken her superiors. It had been written all over Gideon's face, and he was an artist at what he did. Actually she didn't think that encapsulated Gideon's insight into the human nature, into the minds of these people they hunted. He was cursed in many ways, she thought. They all were. But for her, for them, it was hard to see such a prominent leader shaken and rattled. Him and Hotch both. And despite her turbulence with Hotchner, Emily couldn't get his stunned look out of her head either. And his words. He thought he had seen everything. And if he hadn't, if Gideon hadn't, Emily was left to wonder just what the hell the rest of them had in wait.

''Prentiss.''

The brunette blinked as she was shoved unceremoniously. Her body lurched to the side but as she snapped out of her daze she corrected herself almost easily. Almost because there was a fair amount of alcohol in her body right at this moment, and although she was still a few drinks away from being drunk, she could still feel it taking its steady hold of her.

It had been Morgan who had given her a shove and when she looked up at him he was grinning at her smugly, gesturing forward to indicate the darts board they had been playing at. Her gaze remained on him for a moment, until she suddenly realised that they had supposed to have been playing. She turned her head to look at the board only to see that during her daze, she had made her last two throws. Unbelievably crappy throws, actually. And Morgan had clean wiped her out. There had been no contest really; he had beaten her hands down.

''Oh what?''

She squeaked in disappointed exasperation at the fact that she had been beaten. Again. Not only beaten but she actually couldn't remember taking her turns. That would teach her to zone out while playing board games with Morgan. Though, Emily knew she probably would have lost anyway, she had no real idea how to throw these things accurately. But if she ever got Morgan to go riding or fencing with her, she'd show him a damn thing or too. And she was pretty good at pool, too. But darts? Evidently not so much.

''I believe the next round is on you.''

Morgan reminded her of the deal they had struck. It was a damn good job that she didn't care about how many rounds she bought because this was the third time she had been beaten, and probably the fifth time it would make it 'her turn' to do the honors of hitting the bar. Emily had begun to suspect that this was some kind of hazing ritual. Get the new girl to pay for the drinks all night. Damn good job she didn't care.

''Aww honey, never mind! Another Cosmo for me please!''

Garcia cooed and then chirpily and readily wiggled her empty glass in the air as she continued to chuckle at their shenanigans. The quirky blonde was sitting on her stool at the high table nearby that they had snagged. Both she, Reid and even Hotch were laughing lightly about the fact that Emily had been royally beaten yet again. The brunette smirked at seeing their humor, pretending to give Morgan a death glare as she grabbed her purse.

''I will beat you one day, you know?''

The slightly older man scoffed and flailed a hand in the air, his face an expression of ultimate disbelief and amusement.

''And on that day I will forsake sex!''

Emily cringed and groaned, as did Reid and Hotch. The young boy genius rolled a piece of paper he had been scribbling on and threw it, reasonably accurately, to hit Morgan on the head. Obviously none of them wanted to hear anything about his sex life tonight!

''And for you kind gentlemen?''

Emily wondered as she eyed the three men in turn. Gideon wasn't present; he had chosen to take solace somewhere else alone.

''Beer.''

''Same for me.''

Morgan and Hotch replied easily, leaving only Reid who looked rather thoughtful. Emily arched an eyebrow and rolled her hand in gesture that she wanted him to hurry up.

''Soda?''

Everyone one of them scoffed.

''Yeah I'm getting you another beer Reid. What about JJ? Where is she, anyways?''

Emily flicked a hand at the young man dismissively and he didn't argue against the fact he was getting another beer. The brunette looked in the immediate vicinity for her blonde friend; she swore JJ had been sat there two minutes ago. Although given that she had completely zoned out Emily figured she could be anywhere by now. Could have left for all she knew. But Garcia pointed in the direction behind her and Emily turned around to scan the dance floor.

''The girl is working up a thirst, you'd better get her another beer too.''

Garcia said in amusement as everyone turned their attention onto JJ. JJ who was currently slap bang in the middle dance floor, happily moving with the music that boomed overhead. From what Emily could tell JJ wasn't in the slightest bit bothered that she was out there alone. Not in the least bit ill confident to be showing her talents as she did. And there was definitely no reason she should have been.

Immediately Emily felt her mouth water. She felt every single fiber in her body come alive; her eyes gluing themselves attentively to the blonde vision across the space of the lively bar. Suddenly everything else was forgotten, for this instance she only could focus on JJ. She only saw JJ.

If she had been aware that this was the image on offer to her, rather than getting her ass kicked at playing darts, she would have been paying attention within a heartbeat. Her breath was stolen by how beautifully her younger friend moved, how free she was doing it. Her body just letting itself go, only adhering to the music. She looked so relaxed, so at peace. Emily didn't think she could have been so comfortable like that. She loved to dance, sure. But the confidence it took to be so comfortable and to just head out on there and go for it, that was something that JJ obviously possessed unlike herself.

The blonde's movements were so graceful, so raw and smooth and instinctual. Almost feral, in that she was aware of every part of her body and so at ease with it that she just felt her movements rather than thought about them. It wasn't an arrogant expression that JJ had, an arrogant confidence. Far from it. It was just natural. As always, JJ was so natural. Alluring and beautiful and mesmerizing. She was truly breath taking. And it wasn't just because she was physically remarkable. It wasn't that she was striking beautiful or that her body was lithe and flexible and tempting. It was everything about her. It was her spirit, her essence and presence. It was the life JJ had around her. It was what was so remarkable, just the sheer presence she held, it was awe striking.

Emily loved the opportunity to watch her so openly. To see her like this. Because this was the true Jennifer Jareau. The one that got to be who she wanted to be. And every instinct inside of Emily was right now telling her that the person JJ wanted to be, she was hiding around the ones she loved. Around the woman that loved her. It made her heart break and her anger rise at the same time. Emily could see her and knew that she had yet endless things to explore. But Delilah? She had stopped recognizing that. Maybe she had never recognised it, Emily didn't know. But one thing she did know was that she was the outsider. She had walked into all of this, and outsiders tended to be able to see better than the insiders. People thought that JJ was unbelievably happy, and Emily could tell that something wasn't sitting right. But she could also see that the blonde was resisting that, would resist her if she told her that or came on too strong. Emily could see that she had to bide her time.

Right in this moment, JJ was happy. Emily swept away the rest of the crap knowing that tonight she along with JJ and the rest of the team, needed release. And she was happy that JJ was getting it her way. Right out there on the dance floor, enjoying the rhythm. She even smiled and laughed as she danced with some of the guys around her, just maybe a little harmless flirting going on despite that she knew they didn't stand a chance. One of them in particular leaned in and JJ gave him the good grace enough to bow her head to listen to what he wanted to say, and Emily couldn't help but smile as the blonde grinned graciously as she pulled back and shook her head, playfully pushing the handsome guy away a little bit. He laughed a little too, respecting that she was just out there to dance and nothing more.

Clearing her throat, Emily blinked as she forced herself to turn away. If she stared too long everyone would know what she was thinking and feeling.

''Yeah, I'll get her a beer too.''

She muttered loud enough to be heard before turning to head toward the bar. She'd definitely be getting another shot of something whilst she was there.

Almost ten minutes later and Emily found herself still standing at the bar. It was pretty busy tonight, but Emily had an inkling that it had more to do with the fact one bartender was a moron and the other two were trying to do their damndest to serve, clean up and work around their clumsy colleague.

''We're dying of thirst out there, where's our beer?''

Emily looked around at the distinctly familiar voice and smirked at the playful sarcastic tone that JJ had used to address her. The blonde narrowed her eyes mischievously and held a rather big grin on her face as she slipped past two big burley guys to come to and stand next to her. And it was a rather close place to be, Emily couldn't help but notice. She herself was leant on the bar but JJ was stood so that she was slightly pressed into her side, because there really wasn't any other room for her but she was small enough to fit in the little space.

Emily scanned the blonde quickly. JJ was still in high spirits and her hair was a little messed up from all the dancing she had been enjoying. Clearly the younger woman was a little flustered with heat, her usually honeycomb skin had a tint of flush due to her exertion but it caused her to glow. Emily was always shocked at how JJ continually proved her wrong when she thought she couldn't get any more radiant. God she was so stunning. So unbelievably stunning and wonderful and mysterious. Even now it floated behind those bright blue eyes of hers that were happy and content. She didn't even know her own appeal.

But that's what Emily liked about JJ; it was high on her list of what was the best about her. The soft obliviousness of her own appeal. The blonde of course recognised that people could be and were interested in her but never in an egotistical way. Never so that it actually went in. She had enough confidence to realise she was pretty and she could be free to just enjoy herself, which meant being relaxed and comfortable for JJ. Which was now. In her dark blue form fitting jeans and her black, spaghetti strapped vest. So simple and so devastatingly gorgeous.

She smelt like warmth. Like a fresh and warm summer day, so crisp and clear and bright. So natural. And with her standing so close Emily could breathe it in. Breathe it in like it was her last chance to draw breath and that smell became more important than oxygen. And only for a brief moment did she wonder what was happening to her but she didn't really care, because JJ was standing right against her. She could feel her warmth, feel her skin, and it electrified hers. And all she wanted to do right in this very moment was touch JJ. Touch her properly, touch her and show her, prove to her, that she'd never want to be touched by anyone else. She wanted to run her hands through that ridiculously sunshine silk hair, wanted to kiss those magnificent looking lips and discover everything about her. Her heat, her taste, her smell. Everything. She wanted to feel her heart underneath her hand, listen to it beat. She wanted to her that sultry, lilting voice break in every single way it could.

Emily was abruptly snapped out of her coveting reverie by the bartender, and she was extremely surprised at herself that she remembered what the hell she was stood here for. But she managed to place the order, and get the shot she very much needed. She also ordered an apple sour for JJ along with her beer. The blonde smiled and looked at her a little surprised but also knowing that Emily was thinking something but knowing that right now was not the time to ask. So she drank her shot.

A half hour later and Emily found herself laughing hysterically as one very timid Spencer Reid tried his hand at dancing after Garcia had literally dragged him over onto the edge of the dance floor. The kid was blushing and bowing his head and moving so awkwardly, his hair falling over his face as he went along. JJ was currently taking pictures of the poor scenario and even Hotch and Morgan had stopped midway through their darts game to laugh.

''I don't know what you're laughing at Prentiss, you suck just like that at darts!''

Morgan scoffed as he caught Emily laughing. Immediately she gave him a murderous glare and stuck out her tongue. Childish, but effective.

''I do not!''

She protested in what she had to guess was a pretty surprising squeak even for her.

''Oh, are you denying the fact that you suck? 'Cos I'm pretty sure I kicked your ass three times in a row my friend.''

The profiler gloated. Emily grunted and took a mouthful of beer out of her glass as she glowered petulantly at him. But that's when JJ turned around, her phone now firmly in her hand and a kind of dangerous glint in her eyes that she trained onto Morgan.

''How 'bout you play me, Morgan? If Emily is too easy for you?''

She challenged knowingly. Morgan gazed at her, stalling slightly as he swallowed, hard. Emily sat up, very interested in this look of fear that danced across his features. Hotch stepped back slightly as the battle of wills commenced between the two of them. That was until Morgan shook his head.

''I'm good.''

The team's beefcake gave in, holding up his hands. Emily quirked an eyebrow in surprise, lurching forward in her stool to point toward JJ as she stared at Morgan with her mouth slightly ajar and a shocked frown along her face.

''You're scared to play JJ?''

She gasped like it was some sort of conspiracy that had just come to light.

''Everyone is scared to play JJ!''

Morgan defended himself, not liking the smug grin JJ was shooting at him and the teasing one Emily was now. It was really rather gratifying to see the 'man of steel' bow down to a girl!

''You play darts?''

Emily then squeaked as she turned her look onto JJ. She hadn't known that. Actually, now that the gloating was passing that Morgan feared a girl she was really surprised that JJ seemed to be great at the game. She'd never really said anything before. But the blonde nodded and gestured Emily to come over.

''I do. C'mere, I'll give you some pointers. Game's over boys!''

JJ shooed the boys away from the game area, who gave her pretend reluctant groans as they vacated. She knew they really didn't care, besides, anyone who knew darts could see that Hotch was going to win anyway.

JJ ran a hand through her hair as she approached the board to collect the already thrown darts before walking back over to Emily, who was stood rather awkwardly in wait.

''Okay, first of all, relax. It's a game not an endurance exam!''

She chuckled softly. Emily blushed slightly and looked down, rolling her tongue along her lips softly. JJ loved it when she did that; it was both adorable and sexy. She put the darts down on the nearby stand and stood in the position that she took when she was playing. Without even thinking about it she reached out as she turned a little bit, putting one hand on the small of Emily's back and the other on her stomach.

''Relax, Em. Just stand like me.''

She husked lowly, not expecting such a fast and ready response from touching the brunette. Her throat immediately dropped dry as she felt the heat of Emily's body, the flex of muscles beneath her hand and the feel of her body between her hands. She felt so good. So damn good and her mind dizzied over a little by that feeling. Emily tensed for a moment under the touch but within an instant she relaxed into it.

JJ picked up a dart and held it first, before taking Emily's hand and opening it up, her breath shaking just slightly as she did. Her skin felt so good, so electric, and she wanted that hand to be doing more than touching the stupid dart. She wanted it all over her. But it wasn't just Emily's hand JJ wanted all over her, and she had to force that out of her head. Yet again, she had to remind herself that this was not appropriate. She had a girlfriend. She loved her girlfriend.

''Okay, so you want to grip it like this but not too tight. That's good.''

JJ cleared her throat and trooped on, physically shaping Emily's fingers around the dart until she had a good hold on it. Emily remained silent, letting JJ mould her hand as she just relaxed into her touch, breathing in the closeness between them as the rest of the bar seemed to fade away. It was her and JJ here, everyone else were blurs in the background, just distant noises of voices and music.

Her calm but shallow breathing hitched however as JJ moved effortlessly to stand behind her, their bodies coming into contact with a slow, burning pressure. It caused Emily to release a slow breath as she swallowed hard, eyes fluttering closed just for a brief moment as her senses were overtaken by the exquisite blonde. She wondered momentarily if JJ had any idea what she was making her feel. Wondered if she fathomed about the havoc she was wreaking on her body. The brunette knew that JJ was aware of this gravitational pull between them, but right now she was just supposed to be a friend teaching her how to play darts. For all she knew she was completely reading this wrong and taking advantage of the situation. But most of her thought that the blonde probably knew somewhere what she was causing, probably enjoying it a little herself, too. This was dancing on the edge of a dangerous game.

''Here, take in a breath…''

JJ felt Emily do as she said as she wound her left hand around the brunette for her hand to settle on Emily's stomach again, her right hand still molded around the profilers. Being this close, having her in her arms like this, smelling her like this, it made JJ feel so incredibly safe and so incredibly not at the same time. Emily was so inviting. Her presence wove its way through her skin, laced into her muscle and ran through her blood and it still terrified the blonde. Her mind kept latching onto these feelings but she resisted them. She resisted them because she owed someone her life. She had made a promise. She was too afraid to turn into her parents, so instead she was trying to construct a brick wall around all of this. Brick fused with steel, her fortress.

This could be so easy…

''Don't aim, just visualize. See it, feel it…and then…''

JJ drew Emily's hand back after she whispered so low she wondered if the brunette would have heard her. But Emily didn't withdraw against her movements but rather gave up her control instead. She let JJ lead her into drawing back and throwing the dart, their bodies arching forward just slightly together as she did.

JJ hesitated for just one more moment. Just lingered where she was to take in another breath, to just feel the older woman against her. To steal this moment. Emily was the forbidden fruit.

After that moment had gone, however, the blonde smiled as she stepped back. Intense blue eyes swirling as the splurge of feeling began to retreat so it would go unnoticed, and watch as Emily blinked and began to surface out of her daze. The brunette turned to her, and JJ could see that she was trying to do the same. That they stood in yet another moment of knowing what could be, what could very easily be. What they didn't know was what it would be beyond what they wanted.

JJ quirked an eyebrow and pointed toward the board.

''Look.''

Emily turned her head around to look and couldn't help but smirk lightly as she saw the dart in the red bulls eye. Now she was starting to get why Morgan didn't want to play her.

''Try it on your own.''

Emily nodded at JJ's suggestion and picked up another dart. She felt a little bashful now that everything had come flooding back to her, the bar and the noises and smells. But she remembered what JJ had said, remembered how she had been positioned, and she did the same again and released the dart. There was a cheer from Morgan from the table as she hit a good section. The first time she'd ever landed a dart in one.

''Prentiss got some game!''

Morgan heckled from the sidelines, only laughing as she threw him a playful scowl before looking around at JJ again.

''Thanks.''

''You're welcome.''

''Hey, look who's here!''

Hotch caught everyone's attention as he pointed behind the two women who turned around as he did. On the edge of the dance floor where Garcia had been torturing Reid stood Delilah, currently being held onto by the chirpy blonde who was leaning in and telling her something. Delilah laughed and Garcia stood back, and then gestured toward their table obviously letting the Detective know where her girlfriend's whereabouts was.

Emily had to hand it to the younger woman, she was very beautiful. She could reluctantly see why JJ's head had been turned those years ago in that bar. And if it had lasted this long, she was sure there must have been something about her to make JJ want to stay with her. To make her so resistant to the cracks that was sitting there for her to see. But like she had thought earlier, it was easier for an outsider to see. And then there was this 'I owe her' business; she still needed to get to the bottom of that.

The Baltimore SVU Detective smiled as she made her approach. She looked good, jeans and a white t-shirt, black leather jacket. It suited her. The long dark hair was down and it framed her face perfectly. She was a head turner that was for sure. And her dark eyes sparkled as she gave a nod of greeting toward Morgan and Hotch, but even more so as she focused on JJ. The well of feeling she held for her lover was quite obvious, that much was true. Her smile widened as she got nearer and JJ turned around and took a few steps to close the space between them.

''Hey! I thought you were stuck at work?''

JJ greeted in a surprised yet happy tone as she wrapped her arms around Delilah's neck and pulled her in for a hug. As she did the cop wrapped her arms around her, too.

''Yeah I umm…closed my case.''

JJ pulled back as she let one of her hands tangle in Delilah's hair gently.

''Well I'm glad you're here.''

''Me too.''

Emily wasn't sure if she could actually stomach the sight of them kissing. And as it happened she found herself both compelled to watch, but after a few seconds she dipped her head and turned away. Instead she opted for picking up her drink and taking a couple of heavy gulps, before her eyes found their way back to the couple that were still sharing an intimate but deep kiss. It was like stopping to watch a car wreck, morbid fascination. What if JJ was actually happy? What if it was just hard for her right now? The distance and all that stuff? Relationships weren't always easy, what if she was making it harder for the blonde? What if she had read Delilah wrong? That she did deserve JJ, and that the blonde wasn't too much for her?

''You kicking these guys asses at darts baby?''

Delilah brushed some of JJ's hair back as she smirked and asked after they finally pulled apart probably to do with a lack of oxygen. JJ grunted as if confused, but then turned to look at the darts area they were still occupying before looking back at her girlfriend.

''Oh, no. They won't let me play them anymore. I was just giving Emily some pointers.''

JJ rolled her eyes and shook her head lightly with a small chuckle as she mentioned the fact that she had been 'banned' from inter team darts playing. She was only just barely allowed to play pool, and she had a sneaking suspicion that they were going to revoke her poker privileges soon too. The only time she was 'allowed' to play was when she threatened to smack them or they were playing someone else and they wanted the BAU to win…meaning she had to kick ass for them.

''You haven't been introduced, have you?''

Morgan asked with a thoughtful frown as he wiggled a finger between Emily and Delilah. Emily had now slipped back onto her stool, and she smiled in soft politeness as Delilah looked at her and shook her head. JJ turned around, tucking her hair behind her ears as she cleared her throat, suddenly dropping a little sheepish, Delilah wrapped her arms around her and guided herself and JJ forward a couple of steps before leaning forward around JJ to offer Emily a hand.

''No, we haven't. I'm Delilah Forrester, nice to meet you finally.''

Emily smiled a little more as she took Delilah's hand and shook it, being very careful to avoid JJ's line of sight right now.

''Emily Prentiss, likewise.''

Oblivious to both the desire and intention Emily had toward her girlfriend, Delilah smiled warmly as she gave JJ a little squeeze.

''You wanna dance?''

JJ immediately got a comical and cheeky look on her face as she turned her head the best she could toward the brunette.

''With you?''

''Hey!''

JJ laughed and then nodded, stepping away from Delilah to let her shed her jacket and leave it on one of the empty stools. After that, the blonde pulled her toward the dance floor by the hand.

Another half hour found everyone but Hotch gathered in a circular booth after the team had abandoned their high table for the comfort and privacy of it. The Unit Chief had said his goodbyes not long after Delilah had arrived, wanting to get home. It had left Emily and Morgan to talk between themselves until Garcia finally let Reid come back to the table, and as the analyst had proposed the table switch, Morgan had gone to the bar, JJ had come back to the table and Delilah had gone to help Morgan get the drinks. Now they were all sat around together, talking about random things and laughing at each other's stories and experiences.

''Hey, so JJ told me that you fence?''

Emily looked up from watching Morgan and Garcia flirt and bicker lecherously as Delilah turned to her. They were sat side by side, with JJ sat next to Delilah but her attention was currently focused on Reid. Emily didn't fail to notice however, the fact the two were holding hands under the table.

''Yeah, I do. She mentioned you did too. Said you were having trouble finding good places or something?''

Emily narrowed her eyes slightly as she thought back to when JJ had mentioned it whilst they had been in Chicago. It had been something to that affect, but in all honestly she hadn't really had much call to think about it since. But as the Detective nodded Emily guessed that she had remembered reasonably correctly.

''I am. Would you mind giving me a few ideas where the best places are?''

Emily drew in a breath, knowing she was probably going to regret this.

''Well, the best place is the club I go to. You should come sometime, I'll sign you in as a guest.''

''Really? You wouldn't mind?''

Emily really, really did mind. But that same morbid fascination made her compelled to go through with the invitation. And plus, she had to be nice to this woman for JJ. They were supposed to be friends, after all. Everything else aside Emily valued that and if it turned out she had been all wrong and JJ really was happy with Delilah, she didn't want to burn her bridge to that friendship. But also this way, she could get a better read on the Detective.

''Not at all. Just let JJ know and we'll organise something.''

Delilah smiled brightly.

''Thanks! Wow, was I ever wrong about you.''

''How'd you mean?''

''Well, I thought all rich people were generally the same, you know? Jenny told me I was wrong, and it looks like I really was. I guess you're not all snobby spoilt brats after all.''

Emily snickered lightly.

''I left that part to my cousins, trust me, they have it covered.''

Emily cringed slightly. She really didn't like most of her family. And for pretty much the reasons that Delilah had just stated.

''Family can be a pain in the ass, can't they?''

Delilah laughed lightly before taking a drink out of her glass.

''They sure can.''

''My cousins aren't so bad though. It's my Mom. She really, really hates JJ! Complains about her and doesn't think she realises because she's doing it in another language.''

Emily nodded as she chuckled.

''Yeah, I got that last week when she came to work and asked me what cadela meant.''

Delilah looked at Emily properly again and lifted an eyebrow.

''You speak Spanish?''

''I do.''

Delilah grunted in surprise and Emily didn't feel it particularly necessary to state that Spanish wasn't the only language she could speak. She couldn't believe she was sitting here having what passed for a decent conversation with Delilah Forrester. Who, she had to admit, was being genuine and honest with her. It only made her feel just a little guilty though. She still had a hardened opinion of the other woman because of the argument she had seen her have with JJ.

Emily wasn't even sure what she was feeling. Want, sure. She wanted JJ. Craved her so much that she could feel it in her bones. But what else? Emily knew she had never been attracted to anyone like she was JJ, but she still didn't understand what that meant. And even if she did, even if she knew exactly what it all meant, Emily wasn't even sure if she would be strong enough to do something about it, to say it. She had been in relationships, she had told people how she felt and meant it, but only once had she not backed out when it had come to the crunch, and on that one exception, it had been them to flinch at the last moment.

It turned out to be an oddly interesting conversation that Emily had with Delilah. It definitely was an experienced that got filed in her 'surreal moments' category. Talking to the girlfriend of the object of her confusing desires and finding it interested? Yeah, Emily thought she was either losing her mind or had had a little too much to drink. Either way, by the time she rolled on home, all she wanted to do was lapse into a coma.

It had been an awkward goodbye between herself and JJ. As everyone filtered out, it had been her and the happy couple left waiting for a cab. Delilah had been completely unaware of the unease as they waited outside the bar, the looks crossing their faces as they had no idea how to act around each other with her right there. To be honest it had been fucking awful. Emily had hated every second of it and had just wanted the earth to swallow her up whole.

Emily had that downfall for beautiful things. And right now, after she had stripped and changed for bed, she really wished that she didn't. She wished she could just leave JJ to her peace, just stop all of this because not only couldn't anything happen, she didn't know what any of it really was. And most of all, even if they were free to do as they pleased with each other, it wasn't like she could offer JJ anything. Absolutely no grantee that she could hand out. Emily had that downfall for beautiful things but when it came to love, commitment and all the rest of it, she was a coward.

XXX

It wasn't at all difficult to take the opportunity of JJ's advances as something meaningful. The blonde had flirted with her at the bar, and for a good while Emily thought she was simply hearing things. She thought all the innuendos drawled out by the beautiful younger woman had been wishful thinking and that JJ was only taking the opportunity to have a little fun at the bar while she could. Emily had even thought that maybe a few of the touches were innocent, and that JJ didn't graze her on her way past on purpose. But what Emily hadn't been able to ignore were the touches when JJ had been teaching her how to throw a dart properly.

In all likelihood they had been stood there being watched by every horny guy in that bar but Emily didn't remember that. She remembered standing in front of the darts board with JJ stood next to her, pressing into her as she looped an arm around her. She had talked her through the technique softly, voice lilting and intimate. Her touches firm but gentle. Emily had swallowed hard at the proximity of the blonde, at her intoxicating perfume. The feel of her against her was almost too much to take, and Emily had found it a struggle to breathe as she let JJ mould any part of her body that she wanted to. If the lingering touches, made in sweeping motions that were just a little too intimate to be friendly, if they weren't enough to start to convince her that JJ really was coming onto her, the blonde letting her hand drift from the small of her back and onto her ass did. It was the moment she had released the dart toward the board, and after she had Emily turned her head to look straight into JJ's eyes.

Radiantly sparkling eyes showing nothing but the truth inside of them. That half lop sided smirk creeping onto her lips suggestively. Emily hadn't been imagining things. Her throat had gone dry for a moment because she wasn't too proud to admit that she stalled for a second. JJ wanted her. JJ really wanted her. It was real. It was happening. And it hadn't taken a second thought after that had sunk in to follow the series of inevitable events that led them to her apartment. They had excused themselves from the group, feigning tiredness and barely thought of excuses and promises to make next time better. In their haste they had forgotten that they wouldn't pry themselves an inch away from one another, bodies far too reluctant to give up the heat between them. They were gone in a matter of moments knowing that they were only heading for one thing.

That one thing happened to be Emily's apartment, Emily's bed, because it was nearer to the bar than JJ's. The atmosphere was charged, was combustible and both women knew that the shorter the ride the better right now because who knew just how long they would be able to keep control of themselves? As the cab driver had been ranting aimlessly at the radio talk show he was listening to the two women stared at each other intently, leaving everything unspoken because they had already connected so deeply that not a word needed to be uttered. Emily's hand found JJ's and they had remained that way the entire way home. Barely controlled breathing, connecting hands and a look so deep it reached the very core.

JJ had been the one quickest to reach into her pocket and throw a few notes at the cab driver hastily, dashing out as Emily did. It occurred to no one but the driver that the fare was less than $10 and JJ had given him the grand total of $55. It bothered not one of them. Particularly not the blonde that followed the brunette into the prewar building and up to Emily's floor. As the older woman fiddled with her keys in the lock JJ hadn't been able to resist anymore. She had pressed into the back of her, one hand slipping around onto Emily's hip as the other pulled silky dark brown hair to the side so her mouth could kiss along the back of a smooth neck. The attention made Emily shudder and it didn't help her co-ordination either. Eventually however she managed to get her door open and they stumbled into the darkness awaiting them.

That had been it. All bets had been off. Emily took the chance to take charge as soon as the door shut, whirling JJ around to press her up against the wall and move in to do what she had been dreaming of doing for so long. Her hands held onto the blonde's hips, keeping her in place there as she kissed her. Not a fleeting kiss but an instantly connected kiss, deep and raw and passionate. So intense that she not only felt it to the very marrow of her bones but she felt JJ feel it too. The woman pressed against her groaned as their tongues dueled, hands moving in two opposite directions, one in the hair and one on the ass. Emily definitely liked JJ's style. She liked her smell, liked her body, and liked her kisses. She was intense, she was raw and passionate and Emily liked that a lot. It was beautiful. And she liked beautiful.

Keeping their furious lip lock, Emily's hand moved to sneak under JJ's shirt to find exquisitely soft skin underneath and immediately her hand began to explore the toned muscles she found there. JJ was a runner and an athlete so she wasn't surprised to find just how strong she felt under that gentle and slender frame. She needed to feel more and that was the only reason she pulled back from the kiss, to pull the shirt over JJ's head quickly before descending her mouth upon hers again. It was welcomed by the just as eager blonde whose nimble fingers had now begun to work on the buttons of her own shirt. It didn't take long and Emily helped shrug herself out of it before bowing her head and kissing down an exposed neck as she groaned at the feel of JJ's fingernails running along down her back.

She couldn't wait. She couldn't afford to exchange pleasantries or offer foreplay. That could and would come later. Right now she was on fire and she needed to feel. Her hands moved to JJ's belt and unbuckled it quickly as JJ did the same. They both had the same idea. But as Emily managed to slip her hand down the front of JJ's jeans the blonde pushed her back and didn't give her the decency to be able to look confused. Instead Emily found herself pushed up against the counter top of her kitchen within seconds and didn't have the state of mind to ask why JJ was ushering her up there. She just got up and let JJ pull her jeans off of her after yanking off her shoes and socks. Emily shifted backward along the side so she could stretch out and watched as JJ simply shrugged out of her remaining clothes and hopped up too, crawling along the counter and over her. She leant down to capture her lips again and Emily's hand automatically moved to cup JJ, making her groan. But again the blonde pulled back. This time though Emily did give her a confused look which only made the younger woman smirk devilishly.

Emily couldn't believe she was stretched out along her kitchen counter, practically naked and barely able to breath, over ridden by the arousal that the naked woman hovering over her was eliciting. She couldn't believe she was touching JJ in the most private and intimate of places, and her breath hitched at how hot she was, how wet she was. But that feeling slipped away from her as JJ began to move down lower along her body, placing a trail of licks and kisses as she went. Emily suddenly wasn't so confused anymore. She let her shoulders and head drop back onto the counter instead of propping herself up with her elbow, and let the blonde bend her leg up so her foot was flat on the surface. Instinctively that knee bent outward, opening up to her soon to be lover and exposing herself to her. Her hand wove into JJ's hair, and her jaw dropped at the feel of having the heat of JJ's breath caress her inner thighs.

JJ didn't waste much time in entering her with her tongue, hot and warm. And immediately Emily bucked underneath her causing the blonde to temper her hips down with her hands. She continued her tongue's travel up and down the length of the squirming brunette, moaning at the taste of the perfectly delectable liquor she found there. She made sweeping motions and patterns along her travels, all the while hearing Emily moan and mutter as her hand encouraged her and gripped at her. She liked making the cool, controlled Emily Prentiss come undone, it was fun. Her tongue next dipped right into Emily's very core making her yelp and buck harder this time.

''Fuck, jesus christ JJ…oh god!''

Emily knew she didn't have long. She knew that that wasn't ordinarily the case, nor was she always much of a vocalist. But when her buttons were pushed the right way , and JJ was pushing every right button, she was. Her mouth worked magic on her body and she could already feel that wave of unadulterated euphoria approaching with every single movement. And as JJ began to work over her clit it came faster and faster, causing her other hand to grip onto the side of the counter desperately for some purchase as she was held in the brink, on the edge.

''Right there…I'm gunna cum.''

And cum she did, hard and fast and devastatingly gloriously. It was like a bomb going off inside of her body, making waves and waves of pleasure shoot through her leaving her seeing stars and fireworks. Her chest heaved as her body rode out her orgasm. Something she had been waiting to happen with JJ for the longest time. To have JJ touch her, feel the inside of her. Feel the want she held for her.

Barely raising her head enough to look down toward JJ as she panted, Emily frowned as the blonde began to withdraw. She slipped off of the counter and looked at her with the oddest expression Emily had ever seen. The brunette tried to say something but she didn't know what, so she could only watch with growing panic as JJ began to step back slowly, back toward the shadows.

''JJ…what…?''

And then Emily knew what was wrong. It was Delilah. She was always fucking there, always hanging over their heads. She stepped out of the darkness now, slinking up behind JJ who just stood there motionlessly. Emily could only watch in dismayed horror as the cop from Baltimore wrapped her arms around the blonde possessively from behind, those eyes only looking into hers with a harsh and aggressive glint, her hand moving down to slide into JJ. To be where she should have been.

''She belongs to me.''

Emily yelped as she sat bolt right up in her bed, chest desperately gasping for breath so hard that it actually hurt. A fine sheen of sweat had covered her flushed skin, and her body tingled and throbbed, signaling to a disorientated Emily that not everything had been a dream. She sat there for a moment, trying to control her breathing as dark eyes scanned her bedroom. She was alone. It had been a dream. A fantasy that had turned into a nightmare.

''Holy shit.''

The profiler swallowed hard, running a hand through her hair as she tried to get her bearings. What the hell was that all about? What the hell was going on with her? She and JJ had been getting closer and Emily knew it was so far beyond true that she wanted her, but this? That had been something else. It had been so very real, so tangible and vivid that she actually mourned the loss of it not being real. Her body actually missed JJ's presence when it had never been there. It had been tricked into thinking she was.

Lifting up her blankets Emily looked down and sighed when she rolled her eyes. Her body had definitely thought it was real. If this kept happening, it was going to be a very long night.

XXX

Time was dragging its ass. JJ blinked up at the ceiling again and sighed softly. She was wide-awake, again. That seemed to be happening a lot to her recently. More so than normal, anyway. She had gotten some pretty damn good exercise out of nights like these but that was about all. Her thoughts all littered her mind randomly. What would work bring on Monday? How were the family she had spoken to today going to go on without their loved one? Did her parents actually miss her? Did she replace the vanilla ice cream from the other day? Had she remembered to pay the water bill that came through three days ago? What was Emily doing right now?

Of course that was the most significant question hounding her right now, wasn't it? Not what Emily was doing, per se. But Emily in general. JJ was trying to figure out yet again what the other woman was to her. Why it was happening now and what it meant for the future. What it meant for her and Delilah. Because their relationship had fallen on rocky waters and it was so dangerous to be thinking about another woman. To actually be lying awake thinking of her. To have burnt the smell of her hair into her memory, and the smell of her skin. To know the exact shade of her skin, and the exact movement of her walk. To hear the lilt of her perfectly articulate voice inside of her head, and the smile of her lips. All of that was dangerous and JJ knew that.

JJ knew it wasn't about Emily, right? It was about her and Delilah, right? Because they were drifting and they didn't know what to do about it. A million things had caught up with them and were pressing into them relentlessly. That gave JJ an immediate sense of panic, she didn't want to lose her girlfriend, she did love her after they had been through some rough times together. Delilah had literally saved her life.

''I can hear you thinking.''

JJ scoffed ever so lightly, rolling over to spoon into the back of the girlfriend that she had just been thinking about and had thought had been fast asleep. It wasn't all bad times. There were still good times, tonight being one of them. All of this was just panic and uncertainty, right?

''God I hope not.''

She responded, muffled by Delilah's hair and neck as she nuzzled into the crook of it. Her comment made the brunette laugh lightly but JJ didn't find it funny, she found it awful. She found herself awful. How could she keep going in this damn circle? So they were going through something, so what? Did that give her the right to want someone else? No, of course it didn't. She needed to get Emily out of her system and get Delilah back in.

''You're not having anymore nightmares are you? Is that why you aren't sleeping?''

Delilah asked softly as the concern filtered through her voice. She rolled onto her back, making JJ move too. She still stretched out on her side, but this time rested her head next to Delilah's on the pillow. She shook her head lightly as she looked into dark eyes, her hand moving almost instinctively to Delilah's stomach and fingers tracing the scar lightly.

''No. No more nightmares.''

Delilah looked at JJ for a second longer until she was satisfied that she was telling the truth. Looking up at the ceiling for a moment she let out a slow breath, just letting JJ trace random patterns across her abdomen that was exposed as the sheet they had been tangled in was strewn haphazardly across the bed. It was a soothing motion, one she had always loved JJ to do.

''Do you remember when we would just take off somewhere? Like, at a moments notice we'd just get in the car and drive for a couple of hours?''

The brunette asked lightly with a hint of nostalgia and whimsy running through her tone, eyes bright in the darkness. JJ smiled and chuckled lightly at the fond memories.

''Yeah. That was so much fun.''

Delilah quickly turned her head toward her.

''We should do it.''

''What?''

''Let's go. Let's get in the car and drive.''

JJ just starred at her girlfriend like she had lost her mind but she couldn't deny the excited buzz that began to stir inside of her stomach. They were indeed some fond memories, some great times. They couldn't be the most spontaneous people when it came to things like this, given their jobs. But they had usually made the best of it, never going too far but far enough to make it interesting and fun. And right now JJ found herself missing those times, missing how they had been together during them.

''We can't, Delilah.''

She said softly, a little sadly, wanting to diffuse the situation and the almost childlike excitement that her lover was exhibiting. They just couldn't, could they?

''Sure we can. It's Friday night. We'll get dressed and go grab some coffee and just drive. Find some creepy motel to stay in where the manager frowns at us a lot because he's some backward religious freak that thinks we'll burn in hell! We can piss him off, c'mon Jenny it'll be like old times!''

JJ hesitated, a smile creeping up onto her lips.

''You're crazy.''

She pointed out, sorely tempted to just do it. Just give in and get out of here and bring back some of that fun.

''Crazy is why you love me. You know you want to, I can see it on your face! We haven't done anything like this for so long baby.''

Delilah replied, absolutely adamant to present her case for just taking off, obviously desperate to win it.

''Right now?''

JJ squeaked questioningly, biting her bottom lip as Delilah smiled and nodded.

''Right now!''

So things hadn't been the best between them. Despite things with Emily, it had been harder lately. They had been surviving on good moments between the bad, on sex and sheer determination not to hurt one another. But this? This was better. This was them. And JJ could tell from Delilah's eyes that she knew all of that.

''You really wanna do it, don't you?''

''Yeah, I really do. I think it'd be good for us.''

The Detective spoke so softly but so sincerely, that it was heartening. It made JJ's resistance falter and drown out.

''Me too.''

''Yeah?''

''Yeah! Let's just do it, let's go.''

''Hell, freaking, yeah!''

Both of them giggled like kids as they wriggled out of bed and began to move around to get dressed again, enthused and excited. This had to be good, it had to be a step in the right direction. Just them alone together somewhere unfamiliar, somewhere they didn't have to focus on anything but themselves. Reality could mean nothing and they could just take a break, breathe properly and try and get back something that had been lacking lately. It would be good for them. It really would.

XXX

It didn't hurt anymore. The pain had gone. Ceased to exist. Given way. Jennifer wasn't too sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing right now. Part of her was glad that the relentless throbbing sting and ache had desisted. It had been soar and the twinges of pain had shot straight to her stomach. It wasn't the worst injury she had ever suffered, but it was a tender one and the fangs of the dog had gone deeper than she had first thought.

JJ closed her eyes as a slight wave of said nausea rumbled in her stomach. It wasn't that she could feel the wound on her arm right now, but knowing it was there, having the memory of that one lone dog that managed to get to her…it was enough. Enough to cause her stomach to churn yet again.

The other part of her wanted to feel it. She wanted it to run as deep as it could, wanted to be forced to endure every single spike of pain. That side of her was the darker side that told her that all of this was her fault in the first place. Reid had been her responsibility, everything had been her responsibility. She was supposed to take care of him, look out for him. And she hadn't. They had separated and she was sure everyone hated her for it.

That was the real reason that she was here now. Sat on the stool of a bar. Alone. Whiskey in hand. She couldn't go home. Delilah was at home. Waiting for her in what was supposed to be her sanctuary. But it wasn't tonight. She had gotten as far as her front door before she had turned away again. Just walked out and left to head here instead. There was no way that she could face her girlfriend tonight. Or at least, definitely no way she could face her sober.

JJ hated feeling weak. She hated feeling so recklessly angry. She wasn't exactly sure who she was angrier at. Herself, Reid, Henkel, his abusive Father even. She felt guilty for being angry at Reid. She loved him. She took care of him. She knew he loved her, not so long ago in more than a friendly. He doted on her and he had never done anything to make her angry at him since she'd known him. Except this one thing. They hadn't been prepared to split up out there; they hadn't made any sort of plan. If he had just waited a few moments, maybe it would have been very different. But he had been almost giddy and he had rushed off into the darkness where a predator was waiting.

It should have been her. She should have caught him, should've stopped him. But at the time she could have sworn he was in that damn barn. And that's where her anger came in. She was usually so in control, but nothing about what happened that night had been in her control.

''Top it up.''

JJ didn't need to look up to know that the bartender was looking at her with uncertainty written across his face. He was young, not Reid young but young enough to still hold a little of a baby face and not know quite what to do yet when a customer sat at his bar with the world on their shoulders and dullness in their eyes. She knew that she was frightening him. She was just sat there, talking to no one, barely even looking up at anyone, with a bandage around her forearm and a gun strapped to her hip. She scared him alright, because he could tell that she was scaring herself.

''In fact, why don't you leave the bottle here. It'll save you some energy.''

JJ suggested. The drink had stopped the pain. She had drank enough for it to dull her senses, the alcohol stopping the throbbing in her arm and starting to ease her demons. Drown them out. But her words did not slur, and as she looked up at the poor boy serving her, she had a clear focus in her eyes. She may have been drunk but she was nowhere near wasted.

The boy gave the hint of a nod before walking up to her with her whiskey bottle. He politely poured some into her glass to top it up before he set the bottle down just in front of her. He looked at her with not a note of sympathy, but something akin to it. Not quite empathy. He wanted to understand, but he held the knowledge that he'd never know why a young, beautiful blonde had walked into his bar, injured, downhearted and having such a weight resting on her that she needed the whiskey to take it away.

JJ offered him the ghost of a smile in appreciation before he walked away. She was relieved he wasn't trying to make her talk, cutting her off, or hitting on her. All she wanted to do was sit here and drink.

It was funny then. If she simply wanted that, why had she done what she had just not so long since done? Because by her internal clock, and every instinct she had for the woman, it should have been any minute now…

''That was fast.''

Yet again it wasn't something JJ needed to see. She just knew. She just knew that Emily was stood behind her. She could feel her, smell her even. And right now she knew the brunette was a mixture of worried and surprised that she had known she was there before she had even had chance to say a word.

''Not much traffic.''

Emily mused. Her eyes didn't move from JJ as her body moved as she pulled the stool next to her friend out before she stepped around the front of it and slipped up onto it. The silent understanding between them was that there was no traffic because it was approaching 1:30am. JJ had stirred her out from sleep when she had called. A rather fitful sleep but relatively deep. The phone had pierced through it like a glass shattering on the floor, jolting her awake, a fine sheen of sweat covering her as she breathed erratically and looked around until she had realised that her phone was buzzing across her nightstand. As soon as she had answered the call to JJ, as soon as she had heard the blonde say her name, she had known, had been pushing her way out of the covers and getting out of bed.

So here she was.

''Can I get you anything to drink?''

Emily changed her glance from JJ toward the bartender.

''I'll take a club soda, thanks.''

The boy nodded and wondered off to fix her drink. In all honesty Emily was tempted to share what was seemingly JJ's bottle of whiskey, but she was driving and someone was going to have to get the inebriated younger woman home. Seemed that that someone was her.

''How did you know I was there?''

Emily enquired. JJ turned her head to look at her. The explanation pooling in her eyes in that silent language that was becoming stronger and stronger. Something that was too dangerous to vocalize, too dangerous to admit. For both of them, and for her relationship with Delilah too. Because it was everything to do with this taboo chemistry of theirs. It was everything to do with the fact that her body seemed to be wired into Emily, and she could just sense her. Like it was on hyper alert every time the brunette was near. Plus Emily had this scent, this wonderful, pure and unforgettable scent.

Right now JJ felt like her body not only wanted Emily, but needed her. She yearned for her. It was a way she had never yearned for anyone or anything, not even Delilah. And it terrified her. But the whiskey made it hard to over analyze so she was left just to feel, and to come closer than she ever had been to crossing that line. Once her brain stopped its incessant introspectiveness JJ knew she was a goner. In that moment she knew everything primal and instinctual would just take what she wanted, consequences be damned.

And her mind right now was so numb. So disorganized. So out of control. She had forced the image, lied to her coworkers, put on a front. When Reid had been safe and they had finished up and she had dealt with the media and the police and the Agency and everything damn well else. Had pretended to sleep on the plane when she never really slept. Not one second. She had still felt out of control. Because what was she flying back to? A life that was beginning to feel like it was out of fucking control.

She felt numb. So very numb and cold and empty. She had a girlfriend she was beginning to think maybe she didn't love after all. A woman that had saved her life by almost loosing her own. She had these tiny voices in the back of her head that were whispering to her that if not for that she wouldn't be here now with Delilah, that they were here because of her relentless loyalty to the Detective, 'owing' her for the willing sacrifice she had made. Was that it? What her whole relationship, her whole life as she knew it, based upon that one event? That knife coming toward her and being intercepted by Delilah? Had she convinced herself that she loved her? Had she loved her then? Or had that come after?

And now what? Now Emily had walked into her life and things were starting to fall apart? It wasn't right. It wasn't supposed to be this way. She wasn't supposed to feel more like herself around Emily than she ever did with Delilah. She wasn't supposed to share anything with her, no touches, no looks, no silent language. Certainly no desire to fuck her senseless, to feel her and taste her until the sunlight broke through the blinds. Certainly no desire to love her. To fall asleep in her arms only to wake up in them the next morning. To talk to her about pointless random things, make her breakfast in bed, read to her in the sun with a picnic next to them and stroking through her hair. She shouldn't ever have wanted to share all the things she wanted to share with her. She should have felt like Emily already understood her better than Delilah did, despite she hadn't known her for all that long now.

And what certainly, certainly shouldn't have happened, was that she had only heard Emily's voice in that barn. Morgan had sounded like a dull echo. Just a deep booming in her head. But Emily? Emily had spoken and she had responded faster than lightening. Still scared and confused but a slave to Emily's voice. Morgan had been her friend for a long time, yet he hadn't come close to getting through to her. Not like Emily had.

She had been there for her every step of the way. Watching her, being close to her. Making sure she had something to focus on. Taking her out of that damn house, letting her breathe. Never looking at her like she was weak, like all of it was her fault. Never looking at her like it was stupid to be so afraid of three dogs. Because Emily understood. She understood that it wasn't that it was dogs, its what JJ had seen the aftermath of what they were capable of. Walked into a gory murder chamber and realising that this woman had been literally ripped apart. And then in the same instance realising that they were going to do the same to her. Realising that if she didn't shoot at the best of her ability, she had a very painful end coming to her.

She flinched as her arm twitched again and her eyes diverted to the bandage. Already hazy blue eyes glazed over a little more as the memory flashed through her mind. She had managed to shoot two of them. She was a good shot and had always been best at moving targets. She wasn't sure why. But her instincts were sharp and quick but she had been terrified. The smell of blood had engulfed her and she hadn't been able to see them well in the dark with just a little torch. And they had come at her from three different directions. And the last one had gotten to her. Sank his teeth into her and watched her with dark intentioned eyes, snarling into the bite as he shook his head to cause more damage. He'd knocked her over, and she'd had to lift her gun up and press it against his head. It had taken a moment for his jaw to relax after the shot, after the splash of blood and the small yelp. But it had gone limp and relinquished her arm.

Three dogs. Three bullets.

Next thing she knew Emily had been there. It had been completely dark after the dogs and complete silence from outside. With absolutely no way to know if Tobias Henkel was out there or if there were any more wild dogs on the property. No way to know where Reid was.

''It wasn't your fault, you know.''

Emily stated firmly but not loudly or coldly. With belief behind that rich voice of hers. JJ snapped out of her thoughts as she looked at the brunette again. The bartender had given her the club soda and vanished again somewhere in the midst of her thoughts.

''Isn't it?''

''No, Jennifer, it isn't. This was an exceptional circumstance. And if you think the rest of us wouldn't have separated you're wrong, we do it all the time. And JJ? Reid told me that he didn't give you a choice. That you wanted to stick together and he ran off before you could stop him. It wasn't his fault, and its not yours either. The only people we can ever blame is the unsubs.''

JJ let out a long, slow breath that was barely audible. She could see the sincerity pouring out of penetrating brown eyes, the honesty of it all. Like Emily had given her something whilst they were out there to get her through it, she was doing the same now to try and help her ease her heavy consciousness. To try and take away some of that anger and give back some of that control. To give her some feeling back, stop the numbness.

The blonde picked up her glass as her eyes dropped and she took another couple of mouthfuls from it. The liquid didn't burn its way down anymore. That stage was long past. Surely a sign that she had had enough.

''I should take you home, JJ.''

Emily pointed out.

''You can take me to a hotel, I don't want to go home.''

JJ corrected. She could just check herself into a hotel and stumble into bed and into a coma, not having to worry about being disturbed.

''A hotel? What're you talking about? Why not home?''

Because everything in her gut was telling her not to go, telling her she didn't want to go. Even through the haze of drink JJ knew that her lover wouldn't understand what had happened to her out there. She would look at her like she was crazy, like she was weak or something like that. Wouldn't understand what it was to look into that creatures eyes and put a gun to its head and pull the trigger. It'd be lost on her, all of it. And she couldn't face that tonight. She felt so beaten down, so close to an edge, so ready to fall. And going home to someone that didn't understand her was just going to devastate her.

''I can't…I can't go home to her tonight. Not tonight. She wouldn't…couldn't, understand. I just…not tonight.''

Emily flinched slightly as JJ looked back up at her with the shimmering of tears in her eyes with a look that she couldn't mistake. The blonde was begging her to not make her go home. It was a heartbreaking look. One that showed the devastation within the blonde that was everything to do with her relationship with Delilah. It was in that very moment that Emily grasped how deep that crack between them was beginning to go in the blonde, but right now she was drunk. She was in pain and reeling from a hard case. She was numb and scared and trying to figure things out in her head. Her instincts were telling her that going home was a bad idea, and that was enough for Emily. She didn't want to use this moment; she just wanted to help her friend. JJ needed her as her friend, right now.

''I have a spare room, you can stay with me. I'm not letting you stay in a hotel by yourself, you don't need that either.''

Emily stated again in that firm but soft voice. It told JJ that she wasn't leaving her room for any argument. That she understood, she really did get it. But she wasn't willing to leave her on her own tonight, and tonight was not about anything else other than that. Than friendship and understanding.

''I'm sorry that I implied that you were cold. I never meant it like that.''

JJ whispered as she looked back up at Emily, no fight inside of her to object.

''I know.''

Emily nodded with an earnest smile, and JJ felt relief. One of the first things she had felt all night. She watched as Emily waved the boy bartender over, indicating with a nod toward the bottle that it could be taken away before she reached into her pocket and pulled out some bills to pay, ignoring JJ's efforts to stop her from doing so.

''Umm…''

Emily smiled lightly at the boy bartender as he sorted the notes out and held the rather substantial one left over up. She could tell he knew it was for him but didn't know how to react to it.

''You looked after her. Thank you.''

Emily didn't mean it in a patronizing way. She didn't think JJ needed looking after in that way, in that 'little woman' way. But it was a hard time for her right now and she didn't need to get a run down of JJ's presence here to know that this kid had been good to her and hadn't pushed her, had kept an eye on her not because he thought she needed to be taken care of either, but just because he was a nice kid that knew when someone was carrying something painful. As she glanced at JJ she could see the truth in it, saw a small sparkle pierce the haze and emptiness long enough to look at the boy thankfully. He blushed a little and nodded, taking the money for the drinks over to the register.

''I mean this in the nicest possible way, but can you stand?''

Emily asked seriously but with the dry humor weaving through her voice and eyes as she looked at her whiskey drunk friend as she turned to her properly. Even now, even in such a state of shock and pain and rawness, the blonde looked so beautiful. She was so defined, and Emily cursed herself for paying attention. For thinking that even with that look in her eyes she was still the sexiest woman she had ever set eyes on. Now was not the time. She was here as her friend, and it was outstandingly obvious that it was what JJ needed right now.

However much her blue eyes betrayed her tonight, she was reeling from the case and she was drunk. Emily knew that was a line she'd never cross.

JJ gave the brunette a lop sided smirk as she eased off of her stool slowly. One hand holding onto the edge of the bar she raised to her feet. Sure, she felt a little lightheaded from the movement. It had been the first time she'd moved from her perch since she had started drinking, so the alcohol surged through her again and she had to momentarily still to get used to it. After a moment it subsided again. Though she was left face to face with Emily. Emily who had reached out to touch her elbow lightly but firmly enough to feel the warmth of her skin through the sleeve of her rolled up shirt. She could smell her again. Feel the warmth of her body. And those understand eyes. God she was piercing through every inch of alcohol and defensive wall.

It was instinctual. JJ didn't even realise she had done it until it was happening. Until the taste of Emily's mouth reached her own. Until the body she had been coveting was flush against her own, that amazing body. Until her tongue was in her own mouth, along with a vibration of a soft moan.

JJ's hands wove themselves into Emily's hair, so soft and silky and wonderful. Her body was pinned between the bar and her own and JJ could tell that the brunette had never for a second expected it. She still wasn't sure how it had happened, her pinning the older woman up against the bar top. But it was happening and her mouth wouldn't relinquish its discovery of Emily's, it's divine exploration. She was beyond thrilled that Emily was kissing her back, exploring her own mouth with a skilled tongue. She wasn't kissing her back in such a way that promises later things to come, but in a way that she didn't want to rebuff her. That she knew this was somehow what she needed and she wasn't going to argue with her, she would give it to her willfully. JJ didn't understand the whole of it. Her mind had been numb and now it was coming alive again, because here she was, pressed up against someone that saw her, that knew her, that understood her, and that respected the parts that she never would.

JJ never wanted to give this up. Never wanted to stop. Emily felt so good against her, felt so good kissing her. She liked the feel of her tongue, of her mouth and her lips. She liked the way she kissed, the way she tasted. The way that even through a kiss she could convey everything she felt. It was deep and passionate and meaningful, it felt like everything. It felt like the world had just dissolved around them. No boy bartender, no bar, no case, no wound, no girlfriend, nothing but JJ and Emily.

Eventually it had to stop. Though, it didn't just end. Their mouths slowed gradually until they stopped, prying apart mere millimeters before single kisses were given and received, eyes still closed. However, the sounds and smells of the bar pierced through their blissful ignorance of the world. Reminded them what reality was.

As JJ pulled back and opened her eyes, Emily could see the vibrancy within them again as she opened her own. Her body, her mind, her mouth, they all tingled in reaction and awe as to what just happened. She had been up against the bar before she'd had even chance to blink, with a determined mouth demanding access to her own. It had been…she didn't think she had a word. Even phenomenal was an understatement, even in this situation. JJ was a force of nature.

''Jennifer…''

She whispered just barely on the audible scale, still wowed by that kiss. She saw the life and the warmth and the brightness starting to pool back into those eyes she adored so much. But also the realisation and the panic. The guilt too. Not for Delilah, but for her. Like JJ was immediately guilty for 'using' her.

''Em…I didn't…I mean…I'm sorry…''

''JJ don't, it's okay.''

JJ shook her head; her eyes widened a little as she frowned not at Emily but at herself.

''No it isn't. I wanted to feel something. I should never have…''

Emily shook her head and reached out to push a few strands of errand blonde hairs back into place at the side of JJ's head. The movement caught the blonde by surprise and therefore stopped her mid-sentence. She looked at Emily, frowning almost in surprise and confusion as she quirked an eyebrow ever so softly. It was such an innocent look, in Emily's view. Made her smile a little more.

''Don't freak out, please. I know why it happened, it really is okay. I think we both know that there's something between us, some chemistry. But that aside, we're friends. Good friends. Actually, at this point I'd say you're my best friend. I trust you implicitly, and I'm here for you. You can trust me with anything. This doesn't have to damage anything, honestly. It was what it was. You connecting back to your feelings, wanting to feel human again, finding that what makes your eyes glow again. You needed it and you didn't use me, I wanted to give it to you. It can be just part of our friendship okay? Something left to just you and me, no one else needs to know.''

Emily didn't think her words were a satisfactory form of what she was feeling, but they would do. She didn't want to leave her understanding just to their silent language, she needed to vocalize them. Mainly because she knew it would ground them both, but particularly JJ. She didn't want the younger woman panicking that she had screwed up their friendship by kissing her. That's not at all what she had done, entirely the opposite.

The chemistry aside, Emily felt very privileged that it had been her that JJ had trusted enough to turn to tonight. To know that she could call her at any time and she would always take her call and come to her if she wanted her to. Emily knew how things could get twisted, particularly work things. She may have spent quite a chunk of her career at a desk but not the whole of it. The cases, what people could do to each other, it could hit you hard. But particularly something like this, something that had been experienced and physical. It had scared her too, the whole team. So she knew that JJ was feeling vulnerable right now, about everything. It was why she hadn't gone home, why she didn't want to go home. She felt too exposed, and Emily understood that JJ was too emotionally, physically, wounded right now to walk into her apartment and not be understood. But in that state, she had called her, asked her to come here.

JJ had trusted her with that. To see her like that and not question her, not judge her, to just be there with her. Not patronizing or sympathetic, but just herself. And she had trusted her to gain back a spark of normalcy, to feel. She must have. Otherwise, even if it were just on gut instinct, she wouldn't have kissed her. Somewhere inside, Emily knew that JJ felt like she was safe with her. And that's what she wanted. For JJ to know that, to know she was safe and that she'd never belittle her, never let her have to cope with anything on her own, that she would always be there for her.

''Ours.''

JJ breathed out, still on the hyper alert she had been about to spin out of control with, more so out of control, but now understanding that she didn't have to.

''Ours.''

The brunette agreed, relieved and glad that JJ knew she could have the experience and not worry about any fallout. If it had helped her feel something then that's all that mattered.

Breathing out slowly, Emily reached out to take JJ's hand in her own and squeezed it softly. She pushed herself off of the side of the bar and looped her hand around the younger woman, wanting a purchase on her as she guided her to turn around and walk out of the bar.

On the drive home JJ had dozed. At her apartment Emily had given her friend some close to change into, and in the darkness of the spare bedroom save from the glow from the city, she had helped the blonde changed as the emotion had poured out of her in the form of tears and sobs. She had held her tightly, giving JJ the chance to get it all out where she knew she was safe and cared for and not being thought of as silly or weak. Emily held her and whispered to her, stroked her back and through her hair, eventually lying down with her until the blonde had cried herself to sleep.

Emily had remained there for over an hour. JJ had made her her human pillow, head resting in her shoulder and her arm looped around her, fingers clutching part of her shirt like she was afraid, even in sleep, that if she let go she'd lose her. After a while though her grip loosened and Emily eased out, taking care not to disturb her friend and to cover her up with the blankets so that she was warm and comfortable. She looked so beautiful while she was asleep.

With one final kiss Emily left the bedroom, moving down the hallway to her own.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N - Thankee to my ever loving girl:) Excuse the delay and sign the petition to CBS to keep our girls. Damn the man, save the empire!

XXX

She leant on the doorframe of the room. Perhaps she shouldn't have been watching her like this, but she couldn't help herself. Despite the case, despite the alcohol and the break down and the exhaustion, Emily thought JJ was still so beautifully radiant. Simplistically elegant, truly the most beautiful of all elegances, even in sleep, even after such distress. It wasn't with a sexual coveting that Emily was looking at her friend with right now. It was sheer respect. The opportunity to look upon something so wonderfully beautiful, perhaps even innocent in a way, so authentic and congruent and breath taking, she hadn't been able to resist the temptation.

Temptation. That's what it all came down to. The fact that Jennifer Jareau was a living, walking, talking temptation. Emily had never had so much difficulty in her life. She had been tempted by a fair few women in her time and she had had them. Never had she felt this. It scared her a little bit. It scared her that she could lose herself in JJ, and it scared her that she would be willing to. That she could lose herself in life. Emily had never walking in the light but instead stuck to the shadow and that had always been okay with her. She could watch and learn from her safety zone, and she always had what she needed. But JJ? JJ was something else.

Emily loved the way she would close her eyes and sigh softly at the first sips of a much desired coffee. She loved the way she would make soft grunting sounds at the boys when they were fooling around and maybe smack one of them upside the head. She didn't realise how much they adored her, and even though Emily thought that the blonde and Morgan might be awkward for a little while, she saw how much respect they had for each other. She loved the way JJ would look after everybody, including Hotch and Gideon. Like she didn't even think about her actions and it was just so deeply instinctual. She loved that JJ always looked so professional yet still held her own sense of style. She loved how she still found time to smile and hum and be exceptionally nice to people, though being nice didn't mean she was a pushover. Emily seriously respected JJ as a professional, and every rumor she had heard was true, the woman was a rock star at what she did day in and day out.

Emily liked JJ's essence. Her spirit. The strength she had. They all came in abundance and there came a lot more than those too, her loyalty and determination and the face she was so genuine. JJ wasn't afraid to experience things for what they were.

It was these thoughts that made her feel a little guilty. Here she was admiring the very things she liked most about the blonde that she was also compromising. She had become a complicated in Jennifer's life, she knew that. She just couldn't seem to untangle herself from it either. Despite her fears Emily's gut was telling her that she couldn't walk away. How it would turn out, how anything could possibly resolve itself when Delilah was still in the picture, the brunette had no idea. This was possibly the messiest situation she could have landed herself in, and nothing truly significant had happened yet.

''Yeah, if you call all but falling for someone in 2 seconds flat insignificant.''

Emily sighed again as she realised what she had just whispered. God she was freaking herself out. Deciding that she should let JJ continue to sleep in peace the brunette turned round to head downstairs to start some coffee. Something told her that her blonde friend would need the boost when she awakened.

Little did she know that as soon as she left the doorway JJ opened her eyes.

It was thirty minutes later, when Emily had sat down on her couch with a second mug of coffee and scanning the morning paper. There was soft music wafting from her stereo from the radio station she liked because it had less talk and hardly any adverts for when she didn't want to listen to talk radio. It was getting on a little but she had had breakfast and had set out a towel for JJ so that she could shower when she woke up. She'd also set out some clothes for her too, considering that they hadn't gotten the blonde's go-bag, they had been left with the blonde's car outside the bar.

''Hey.''

Emily's head looked around at the shy but warm greeting. She smiled softly as she put the paper aside and got up, turning to face JJ as the younger woman walked down the stairs slowly. She'd obviously known what the stuff set out had been for, because she had showered and was currently wearing the clothes left for her. A pair of jeans with a red top. The bandage on her forearm was still in place; Emily guessed that JJ had managed to unwrap it for the shower, leaving the waterproof patches underneath on and then wrapping it again. The hospital had said to leave it on until the following day.

''Hey, good morning.''

JJ smiled softly as she quirked an eyebrow.

''Barely!''

Emily just chuckled softly and nodded.

''Doesn't matter. How're you feeling?''

JJ cleared her throat as she got to the bottom of the stairs, sliding her hands into the jeans pocket a little as she hunched inward slightly and rocked on the balls of her feet. How was she feeling? It was an incredibly good question. Up until now she had always considered herself an honest person, steady and pretty much knowing what she wanted. There were times of course, like there was for everyone, when those hadn't rung quite as clear but at least she had always been able to feel them. Right now she didn't. Right now she was a girl in the middle of a maze, with everything she had believed about not only herself, her job, but her relationship too were things to be found along the way.

She thought she loved Delilah. But here she was. Not just attracted to another woman, but literally yearning for her. Turning to her in a state of crisis and distress and trusting her to hold her as she fell apart instead of the woman she had been with for the past 5 years. Here she was imagining what it would be like to not only be with Emily, but to imagine life with her. Here she was knowing that the brunette felt the same. Dangerous waters but still unable to drag herself away from her. She should have been doing everything she could to avoid Emily, to just be professional. But she couldn't.

''A little better.''

''Good! How's your head?''

''I'm fine. I don't really do hangovers so…''

JJ shrugged as she trailed off lightly. Emily nodded in understanding as she remembered that her friend somehow managed to usually avoid the pesky outcome of hangovers. Something that she was teased about at work because everyone wished it was the same for them.

''You want some coffee?''

''I would love some.''

Emily nodded again and gestured toward the kitchen. She walked past her friend who followed her, and as Emily walked into the kitchen JJ slipped onto one of the stools on the other side of the countertop. She leant forward slightly to lean on it as she watched Emily pour out a mug of coffee.

''Emily?''

Emily looked up.

''Yeah?''

''Thank you, for looking after me last night. I'm umm…I'm a little embarrassed but I really appreciate you being there for me.''

The blonde stated earnestly. Everything aside, Emily had really come through for her last night and the least she could do was say thank you. It did mean a lot to her. This job pushed all of them and JJ had had her moments of erupting emotions before, but last night had possibly been the worst one. And she had been made to feel so safe and cared for. Emily hadn't brought anything about 'them' into it; she'd just been there for her to lean on. No pressure, no taking advantage of her, no judgment. It had been exactly what she had needed, what she knew she wouldn't have gotten at home. And no matter the complication that last night caused between them, it was out of friendship and already she felt like it had bound them closer as friends. She was still, as she said, somewhat rather embarrassed at her actions, but she believed Emily when she said it was okay as far as they were concerned. What she probably had to worry about a hell of a lot more was her actual girlfriend.

Emily turned toward JJ properly as she shook her head, passing the coffee toward the blonde who accepted it gratefully.

''You shouldn't feel embarrassed; this job is…yeah, how'd you really describe a job like ours, right? It's best you let it out. And as for us, I'm just glad that you knew you could trust me, glad that I could help.''

JJ smiled and Emily was so beyond relieved to see that sparkle in her eyes again. Still not as strong as normal, her eyes a pale blue from the distress and the exhaustion and the weight of everything. But it was there and it was still beautiful.

''What you said…did you mean it?''

The blonde whispered lightly as she looked into the brown liquid in the mug, hands wrapped around it. When she was met with no reply JJ looked up to see Emily's almost startled eyes.

''About how you consider me your best friend?''

She supplied. Emily rolled her tongue across her lips as she let out a breath she had been holding. JJ knew what the brunette had been thinking. And of course, that's the real question she had on her mind. Had she meant what she had said when she was watching her in the doorway earlier? But she couldn't ask that. She couldn't listen to the answer either. It would stop her ability to keep lying to herself.

''Yes, of course I do.''

JJ smiled lightly and lifted up her cup to take a sip of coffee, wincing slightly at the tug of the wounds in her arm.

''You want some painkillers?''

Emily asked obviously seeing the wince and knowing what it was from. The woman was outstandingly intuitive, no matter how much she protested that she was socially inept. Emily might have been a big assed nerd but it didn't mean she was oblivious.

''JJ?''

JJ blinked and looked up again, realising that she must have zoned out.

''Huh?"

Emily frowned lightly in concern.

''What's wrong?''

She asked just as lightly. JJ ran a hand through her hair as she shook her head and shrugged lightly.

''Oh, uh, nothing.''

The brunette tipped her head and gave her friend one of her best 'not buying it' looks. Clearly there was something going on in that head of hers, she could see it in pale blue eyes. All the thoughts and the weight that was still squarely placed there. There was something just a little different about JJ's eyes now. Emily wasn't sure if it were the case or…something else.

''C'mon Jennifer, you can talk to me.''

''I know.''

''Is it the case?''

JJ sighed and shook her head.

''No. Well I guess, but no. I was umm…I was thinking about Delilah.''

''Oh.''

''Yeah.''

Emily looked at the countertop for a moment, as the air got a little awkward. She supposed it was only natural for JJ to think of her girlfriend right now. Now she could tell that that was some of the weight in her eyes. The complication. And that feeling came back to her, the one that told her that _she _was centered around that complication.

''I have no idea what to tell her.''

JJ whispered, now more slumped than leaning on the countertop. Certain realizations began to sink in for her. Like the fact that she had kissed another woman. Attraction was one thing but turning it into something physical? JJ was starting to feel the line that she had crossed last night. Started to feel the burn of it, feel the guilt. She had _kissed _someone else other than her lover of 5 years. She had betrayed her trust, broken her own loyalty to the Detective. In more ways than one, that was the kicker. The lack of trust with the emotional and then making it physical? That wasn't the person she was supposed to be. She wasn't supposed to become like her parents. No matter what the situation had been.

''She doesn't need to know. I mean…what I'm saying is, I'm not going to tell her or anything.''

Emily broached softly as she saw the quiet but clearly saw the thoughts and emotions clashing within JJ's eyes.

''You don't think I should?''

''No.''

The brunette shook her head definitively, making JJ frown slightly in questioning.

''Why?''

Emily shrugged lightly as she let out a puff of air. She didn't want this for JJ. She didn't want this worry to infect her, didn't want to be the constant reminder for her. She felt bad. But she also wanted more that their friendship didn't take the hit over this. There was no reason to in her eyes. It was a one-time deal, right? Never again to occur so why make a mountain out of a molehill when they could stop that happening right here, right now.

''Because it was what it was. Why make something out of it? You didn't do anything wrong.''

JJ smiled softly. She honestly did appreciate Emily's statement, knew that she believed it. But the feeling in her chest told her that it wasn't true.

''I appreciate that Em, I really do. But yes I did.''

She had watched her parents closely growing up. Observed them so that she could recognise every little detail of what she didn't want to be. Of course she loved them, they were generally good people. Just not in certain respects. And she had worked hard to be entirely different. She did trust Emily and knew that their kiss could be held within a certain context, but it still didn't stop the ramification of the rest of it. And that's something she had to deal with. And she had done something wrong. There was nothing right about kissing another woman like that.

XXX

It was the middle of the afternoon by the time JJ unlocked her front door.

Emily had managed to get her to eat a little, and they had talked about the case some more. She had tried to call Reid, but his phone had constantly gone to answer phone. JJ didn't like it, but she was willing to give him his space…for now. If she didn't hear from him by tomorrow she decided she would turn up on his doorstep instead.

The whirling thoughts in her head had persisted. Although she had managed to air out a lot of what she felt about the case, JJ had classically managed to avoid any further real talk of Delilah and their relationship. After Emily had driven her back to the bar, JJ had thanked her yet again and promised she'd have her clothes back to her. Emily said she wasn't bothered about getting them back. So JJ had gotten into her car and watched Emily peel out before sighing and just sitting there for a few moments. After that, she had decided to drive around for a little while, although a 'little while' turned out to be an hour and a half.

Until she had parked up and grabbed her go bag out of the trunk, slinging it over her shoulder as she made her way up the building and to her apartment.

The apartment that smelt and felt like Delilah.

''Baby?''

JJ nodded faintly, the irony of the greeting hitting her stomach.

''Yeah.''

A couple of soft sounds of movement later and Delilah appeared from the hallway to the bedroom. JJ braced herself for inquisition, her gut churning so violently in her stomach she thought she might throw up at any given moment.

''Oh good, you're back. You okay?''

JJ blinked and looked down at her arm as Delilah gestured toward it.

''Oh, uh…yeah. Yeah I'm fine. Couple of scratches is all.''

She wouldn't understand, so she lied. JJ didn't lie. But the words had just come out of her mouth. Delilah wouldn't have understood, couldn't have. And she was supposed to. She was supposed to understand, supposed to be safe. Like Emily.

XXX

''She is _so _good with kids.''

The elegant eyebrow of Jennifer Jareau arched slightly as she turned her head toward one of her long time friends. Long time from the Academy where they had trained together. Claire Watson had been one of the friends and fellow Agent's there at the bar the night that she had met Delilah, which is who she was referring to right now.

''Huh?''

JJ asked ungracefully as she just frowned at the light brunette in confusion. She had been midway through a conversation with Jeanette Collins, a friend she had met through Claire a couple of years ago, when Claire had wondered over to them to obliviously interrupt.

''Delilah. She's so good with them, look.''

Claire gestured over toward the woman in question again, smiling lightly as she watched the Detective easily handle the gang of kids from various people that were attending the barbecue here. They were all laughing and squealing and Delilah was chasing them or running around, hatching plans with them and basically having a grand old time.

It was a decent day for the barbecue and everything was going according to plan. JJ hadn't honestly felt like coming this morning, but she had promised Claire she would and Delilah had been twittering on about it the whole morning, so she pretty much didn't have a choice. It wasn't for a particular reason that Claire and her husband Daniel were throwing the get together, just a chance to relax and eat, drink and be merry!

For the past couple of weeks JJ knew she hadn't quite been herself. Everyone thought it was only the case, but it wasn't. Although she was still worried about Spence and still getting her equilibrium back. It was what had happened at the bar that night that was starting to weigh on her. That she had essentially cheated on her girlfriend. She had, right? A kiss was the same as sex really, wasn't it? Did it matter how far it went when you crossed that line? You still crossed it. Or had she? Did it really mean anything in the context it had been in? God she was so confused. Confused with no one to turn to to ask.

JJ had been a little shy around Emily as of late. Still talking and such, but it was like she had a blanket over her perception of reality. Felt like she just floated in and out of places, avoiding any real contact so she could give herself time to work out what was going on inside of her. Work out who she was…or who she had become.

There was no way she could talk to Garcia about it, not yet at least. She didn't even know what to say in the first place. And although JJ knew without a doubt her technical genius of a best friend would be there for her, she knew that Penelope loved Delilah and she didn't want to make her dislike Emily. The boys weren't going to be easy to talk to either. Nor her siblings, or her parents. Her friends here today all liked Delilah too, and Delilah herself obviously wasn't an option. It was her that she was trying to spare from hurt after all.

And honestly, she had no idea what she could tell people anyway. She didn't even understand it herself. She needed to get a handle on things before she could even begin to talk about it.

''No, she _is _a kid, that's why she's good with them. She's one of them!''

JJ amended pointedly with a scoff and a roll of her eyes. Mostly playfully sarcastic but with an ounce of truth slipping in there too. It only served to amuse Claire and Jeannette however.

''Well when you finally get hitched and you start a family at least you know she'll be good with your kids!''

Jeannette teased lightly, making JJ look away from her girlfriend and her horde of followers and toward her again. There was a distinct lump that just appeared inside of her throat.

''_Kids_?''

She spluttered like she had never heard the word or thought about the concept of children before. Quickly she began to shake her head.

''No, no! No kids!''

The alarm was evident in her voice as she swiftly followed her squeak up with the conviction of no children.

''You don't want children?''

Jeannette asked in surprise. Again JJ shook her head.

''No, I don't.''

''Yes you do.''

Claire objected as she frowned slightly in thought and crossed her arms, causing the other two to look at her.

''I've heard you say plenty of times you wanted kids. We talked about it when we were training, remember?''

Damnit. JJ had forgotten that Claire knew that stuff about her. They had talked about families when they had been training, it was true. Mainly they had been talking about their future careers in the FBI and how it would impact on families, but JJ did distinctly remember her and Claire's particular discussion about wanting children. They had talked about how many and names even. The blonde could have slapped herself on the forehead right now.

''Barely, I guess. But I don't. And really, with my job, how could we? Besides, I suck with kids.''

The blonde tried to shrug it off quickly, determined to make them believe that she didn't want them. Or more like determined to make _herself_ believe she didn't want them. Kids in the picture would only make things worse. She honestly couldn't see that between her and Delilah, not because she didn't want them, oh no it was much worse than that. Much more unspeakable than that. She just didn't want them with Delilah.

At the moment she could barely stand to be in the same room as her, JJ swore to god she was loosing her grip on reality. She still hadn't explained what had happened in Georgia, hadn't talked to her about anything to do with staying at Emily's. All they had done for the past couple of weeks was work or have sex. Not much talking in between those two. And sex was becoming a process. Just a series of actions that she went along with to keep up the façade to hide the sudden crack that that kiss with Emily had caused. The one that was leaving her scrambling to mend. The one that made her wish it was Emily kissing her every time Delilah kissed her.

If she was so determined not to be her parents, and yet so determined to give Delilah her life because she owed her it, JJ thought that there was no way she was dragging children into the mess. No matter how much she wanted to have them.

XXX

''Okay, I will let you know when I get there!''

Emily smiled at Morgan as she wiggled the book softly in her hand. It was good to see him smile. Genuinely smile. This case had been difficult for him and although she didn't know him all too well she still considered him a friend. He was starting to let his guard down around her and she was glad of it, he was a nice enough guy she thought. Mother Night being at the airport was just a stroke of luck for her, considering their conversation about Kurt Vonnegut the day's prior. A good bonding moment and a chance to be geeky without looking stupid for her! She was glad now that she had let her guard down a little too, it seemed to have done them good.

''Alright you do that!''

She just scoffed lightly in amusement as she turned away and began to walk down the isle of the jet. His smile had turned into that cocky, confident and charming one that she had seen him shoot at more than a few girls. It made her roll her eyes and shake her head incredulously but still in amusement. He was definitely one of a kind.

As Emily was about to head for the seat next to the window to her right, she saw JJ stretched out along the couch and she faltered slightly before changing her mind. Instead of moving right she continued a little further to the bottom of the couch, using her book to tap the blonde's leg lightly to get her attention. JJ had been engrossed in whatever she was reading to notice her. But at the movement those precious blue eyes of hers looked up.

Emily wiggled the book toward the end of the couch where JJ's feet were, silently asking permission to sit down. Wordlessly JJ lifted and bent her feet up and back to give Emily the space she needed to sit down, understanding without having to ask that that's what she had wanted.

''Hey.''

The brunette breathed out as she sat down, glad that JJ hadn't refused to move. They had worked together just fine on this case but things hadn't been quite the same since that kiss. But it wasn't only that that caused Emily to sit with her right now. She wanted their dynamic back, sure. JJ was her best friend and she had missed their normal way. But she was also a little worried about the younger woman too.

'Hey yourself.''

JJ's voice was low and tired. She waited until Emily was comfy before stretching out again; just like she had been except now she just rested on Emily instead of the bottom of the couch. Actually she hadn't even thought about it. The fact that her legs were now draped over her and they were in plain view didn't even occur to her. It seemed perfectly natural.

''What you got there?''

Emily wondered, trying not to seem too thrown by JJ's move. With the slight distance between them lately Emily hadn't been expecting it. It wasn't that JJ had been overtly trying to keep away from her; they had talked about things and worked together. There had just been that certain something since the kiss and just a slight lack of the touches and the looks. Until now. JJ didn't even seem to think about stretching out on her. And already Emily knew she liked that warmth, liked the weight of the blonde.

JJ lifted up her book for Emily to see. It was a book about Bob Dylan, and Emily pulled an impressed face before she took in a breath. Ducking her head for a moment she pushed some of her hair behind her ear and cleared her throat. Looking up again she quickly scanned the plane, everyone else was engrossed in their own things so she looked back at JJ.

''You been okay?''

She asked lightly, trying to sound conversational but not confronting as well as pointed.

''Sure, why?''

Emily took another breath in and shrugged lightly for a moment, hesitating whether to say things she had noticed or not.

''You just…you seem tired Jay.''

JJ scoffed in amusement, nudging Emily with her legs lightly.

''Thanks a lot!''

Emily nudged back playfully as she smiled at JJ's pretend grouchiness.

''You know what I mean. Have you been sleeping?''

JJ looked at her for a moment, the playfulness giving way so a serious truth that indicated that she hadn't been. Emily didn't like that. She didn't like to see JJ struggle with anything, and she knew it tended to be a rare thing. Of course she was probably part of the reason, though. But it did make her heart sink that the blonde wasn't sleeping. Knew that Hotch had made both her and Reid go to a couple of sessions with the shrink, but Emily had the sneaking suspicion that the both of them knew exactly what to say to get out the fastest.

''There's…I have these, nightmares. Just sometimes. That's all.''

JJ admitted almost sheepishly. She looked away for a moment, frowning in thought before she looked back up again.

''About what?''

''Just…anything. Everything. I get plenty of material from my office alone.''

Emily nodded almost sadly. People tended to avoid JJ's office. JJ herself tended to avoid her office. Because stacked in there were the reminders of the work they had yet to do. The work they couldn't lend a hand to and the work they might not have time for. The pending cases that had to sit in a queue because they were so inundated with cases that they were all swamped. JJ tried her best to not overload her Agent's but the cases had to be assigned. Emily knew it was hard for the blonde to make those kinds of decisions. Wondering if she got them right. Slaving over them to squeeze out every last detail to help her choose. Jennifer Jareau maybe didn't talk about her work much, or complain about it, just made it look easy, but she didn't take it lightly and it was far from easy.

When Emily thought about it, they tended to concentrate on select files that they were given but JJ concentrated on each and every one. She controlled pretty much everything that went through the BAU and she knew all of those details, the ones they didn't take that no one else had to see but her. The ones she had to reject. Emily also knew JJ hated that part of her job. Felt sometimes that she was letting people down because she had to say no. Had to be the bad guy because that was her job, to be the bad guy and the face of the BAU.

Instinctually and subconsciously, Emily's hand moved to rub JJ's leg.

''You see a lot of things we don't. You get the calls at all hours of the day and nights; listen to the pleas for help. It's not surprising you'd dream about it.''

Emily observed lightly. Not with flippancy, her voice was anything but flippant. But she had to keep her voice down and she didn't want to put any pressure on JJ or worry her more. Make her think that she thought she was weak.

''I guess.''

JJ sighed slightly as she gazed at the motions that Emily was making on her leg. It didn't really even register to her, even as she watched it, what was happening. Her friend was just comforting her. The woman she could trust and confide in. The one that understood her without making her feel stupid or like she couldn't handle anything.

''It's not just the dreams, is it?''

It wasn't so much of a question than a statement. Still light but distinctly pointed. It made JJ look up again and her breath stalled in her chest as Emily looked at her, all that knowing swirling in her deep brown eyes.

''I don't want to talk about that. Not right now.''

The blonde declined lightly. It wasn't that she was rebuffing Emily or her help or support, she just did not want to get into the dynamics of her relationship with Delilah right now. Not on a plane back home to Virginia so late, just after a tough case. She didn't think it was a good idea, just like she didn't think it was a good idea to let it spill onto the dynamics of things with Emily. Not their silent goings on, anyways.

''Okay.''

''Em…hey…I just don't want to talk about her. That's all. Please, let's talk about something else. Anything else. I miss you.''

Emily looked up from watching her fingers pick imaginary lint from JJ's pants, heartened by the blonde's words after she had felt a little rejected. The way JJ had said that she missed her, so softly and heartfelt, it made an almost shy smile tug at the corners of her lips.

''Yeah?''

JJ nodded, eyes sparkling nicely as she bit lightly on her little finger. God that was so damn gorgeous when she did that. Emily wondered if she knew it was a sexy move or not, but either way it drove her nuts when the younger woman did it.

''I missed you too.''

Emily squeezed JJ's leg as they shared a look. Silent but not needing to be verbalized or explained or expressed in any other way. It was theirs and theirs alone. But so lost in that look were they that neither of them noticed Morgan stand up and stretch lightly. He stalled for a few seconds as he looked over at them, frowning lightly as he took in the rather intimate position. The look that they were sharing. He had no idea what to make of that.

XXX

''JJ, that is the biggest plate of fries I've ever seen! And they're a _side_ dish!''

Emily scoffed in amusement at just how much food her blonde friend had ordered. There was a round of chuckles from the rest of the table as everyone looked at JJ's order after the waiter had set them down. Them being the pointed out big ass plate of fries, along with a big ass cheeseburger with extra cheese, with bacon and a side salad.

''_What_? I'm hungry!''

JJ protested almost innocently as she pulled a face at her friend, already chomping on one of said fries. She laughed lightly at Emily's deadpan 'no shit' look, pretending to look all innocent and sweet.

''Yeah…for such a little person, you eat a _hell_ of a lot Jennifer!''

Emily pointed out just as mockingly sarcastic as an eyebrow arched playfully. JJ simply nodded in agreement, chuckling lightly as she gazed over at Emily as she chomped on another fry. The blonde nudged her friend lightly as she glanced just behind her, making Emily turn around to see that the waiter was approaching with her order now too. What they didn't see was Morgan, Garcia and Reid all looking at them. Reid just smirked, quite enjoying the antics that they were displaying but to the less oblivious profiler and technical genius, they were watching in wonder.

Neither had seen either JJ or Emily act quite so…like they were, which was a little beyond description right now. Sure, they didn't know Emily all that well yet, but it was still odd for what they had uncovered. Not that she wasn't funny, or fun to joke around with. They had been finding that out more and more recently. But this wasn't specifically what they had seen. This was something that happened around JJ. Actually, now that both of them thought about it, a lot of things only happened around JJ.

''Wow! I can't believe you got away with that.''

Morgan snickered slightly in amusement, glancing at Garcia who was sat next to him before looking over at the other two as they looked over at him obviously confused. However, from the look that his excitable blonde and pink haired friend was giving him she had caught it too.

''Got away with what?''

JJ asked confused, still trying not to giggle anymore as she pushed some strands of hair out the way of her face.

''I do believe what my chocolate god of thunder and steel was referring to was the fact that Emily called you Jennifer.''

Garcia supplied chirpily, making Reid roll his eyes silently at the descriptive remark about Morgan and his muscles. His attention however went back to Emily and JJ who gave one another an odd look before looking at Morgan and Garcia like they had grown new heads. Clearly they had absolutely no idea what the hell they were talking about.

''So?''

JJ asked lingeringly, narrowing her eyes as she waited for a point. Emily sat beside her looking as lost as she did.

''So? Girl, I cannot believe you. I once _jokingly _called you Jennifer and you _growled _at me! And the boy wonder there attempted it one time, you almost made him cry! _And _Agent Anderson is still afraid of you after you almost clean took his head off for it!''

JJ opened her mouth to protest but stopped short as she saw three nodding faces in front of her. Surely he couldn't be right, right? It was an over exaggeration, it had to be. But JJ was unsure with the fact that both Garcia and Spence were agreeing with him. Plus she remembered each instance that Morgan had recounted. Probably there were more.

''Oh! And let's not forget every time you speak to the Director! You kind of cringe almost as if you're in pain when he calls you Jennifer!''

Reid added excitably, making everyone but JJ chuckle. Even Emily had to chuckle at that because it was true. The Director wasn't a man you could hardly tell off, and although they all thought JJ would, she wasn't about to do it over her name. Everyone else however…

''Oh good lord, do you remember when Elle called her Jenny? I thought there was going to be shots fired!''

Garcia howled as the image of Elle's terror popped into her head. And that girl hadn't been extremely easy to scare. Not then, anyway. It had only been within her first couple of months and she had said it without really thinking about it, but JJ had gone a little nuts.

''I would _never _call you Jenny!''

Emily declared, wiggling a hand in the air to physical made a line there to indicate her limit. Deep down she knew that their friends were right. They had picked up on something that most people wouldn't have, but that's what you got for hanging around the people that worked in the BAU. She did call JJ by her full name more than just sometimes, and she knew JJ didn't mind. Actually, she tended to like it. They both knew why.

''I thank you!''

JJ said in a funny voice, nodding her head thankfully toward the brunette as she lifted her beer class up and clinked it with Emily's wine glass that she was holding.

''Emily what the hell is that?''

The blonde drawled as she spied a glance toward Emily's plate. Her eyebrows furrowed slightly and she cringed softly as she tried to make out what the hell was on the plate. Part of it actually looked like sludge!

''I told you, it's the sea food platter.''

JJ looked at Emily properly, her nose still turned up, and pointed at it.

''You pick on my burger and fries and then eat _that_? What is that?''

Emily rolled her eyes and nudged JJ with her shoulder.

''Try it!''

''No way!''

''Stop being a baby, here!''

Emily scooped some of the mush from her plate up with her fork and proffered it out to JJ who drew her head back immediately.

''Come any closer and lose an arm Prentiss!''

Emily laughed, shaking her head as she put the fork down. Instead she picked up something else that she could hold herself, it was cute like a long thin piece of carrot would be.

''Try this instead then. It's nice, honestly. Trust me.''

JJ looked at Emily seriously but also hesitatingly for a moment. The powerful brown eyes she looked into were convincing and sincere, and the blonde already trusted Emily with her life let alone food. For a brief moment she forgot, yet again, the reality surrounding them. She forgot enough that she leant forward slightly and opened her mouth to accept the funny looking stick thing, letting Emily basically feed it to her. They never broke eye contact. Not even as JJ pulled back a little bit as she ate the salty tasting bite.

''Wow that's actually…pretty nice!''

The blonde admitted, not even reluctant to admit defeat. A pleased smirk spread across Emily's lips and JJ had to fight down the urge not to lean forward and kiss her. She may have been drunk that night a little while ago but she remembered very distinctly the feel of Emily's lips, the power of her kiss. She remembered every glorious damn second of it. It even ghosted along her lips right now.

It was like they were lost in their own little bubble. Normally Penelope Garcia would have just passed it off as close friendship, but this wasn't just all there was. It was outright flirting. It was seductive and something a little beyond friendship. It incorporated chemistry and oh so many things that tended to belong to relationships. Yet here they were, right in front of them. She had no idea what to make of it. Morgan had said something odd about JJ and Emily being 'close' on the plane ride home not so long ago, and she had just thought he meant that they were comfortable around each other. Everyone knew that JJ had befriended Emily first and quickly, taken her under her wing. But this was different. And it was dangerous. And maybe she wouldn't have thought it was dangerous, if it weren't for the fact that her best friend was seriously involved with another woman. But at the same time, she didn't think JJ or even Emily for that matter quite knew how they were behaving. She could see in their eyes they recognised something, but how much of it she did not know.

''Why wouldn't you call her Jenny?''

Reid voiced up thoughtfully, as though he had been turning Emily's statement over in his head for the past couple of minutes. He was seemingly oblivious to what Garcia and Morgan had noticed. Instead he was thinking and eating.

''Umm…because she hates it, Reid.''

Emily supplied as she came crashing back down to reality. In all honesty she had forgotten they were even there. As she looked at the young man, he looked completely puzzled and surprised.

''You do?''

JJ smiled and nodded.

''With a passion, Spence. I'd rather be called Jennifer!''

She answered softly before clearing her throat and taking a drink of beer. She looked at her best friend briefly, but she couldn't hold the eye contact for long. The way Garcia looked at her made her stomach flip inside. She was looking at her with a certain amount of suspicion. In that way that told her that she had noticed something. When the hell had she let her guard down so much to let people see?

''That's interesting.''

He mused thoughtfully.

''How did you know?''

He asked eagerly. Emily lifted an eyebrow.

''I just…did. Why is it important?''

Emily felt somewhat uncomfortable. She didn't know how to explain her reasons for knowing that JJ didn't like to be called Jenny. It was just simply because she _knew_ her.

''Well I find these kinds of social interactions and understandings very fascinating. I often find it odd how people exhibit personal affections toward each other, like how JJ is the only person that calls me Spence. My Mother calls me Spencer. But most of us call each other by our surnames, but I wonder if that's due to personal preference, the FBI itself, or the level of intimacy involved.''

The genius rambled on with an enthusiastic bounce in his tone and demeanor. Indeed he did find this a fascinating thinking subject. However he didn't realise that by saying 'intimacy' would make JJ cough around her fries. Seeing that she was alright, he continued on again.

''It surprises me that you don't like Jenny, though.''

''Oh? Why's that?''

Reid shrugged simply.

''Because it's what Delilah calls you.''

JJ looked at her friend for a moment. He didn't really know what he had just said, he just thought it was an observation. But to her, to Emily, and now probably to Garcia and Morgan it had been much more. It had been a clear cut ringing announcement that her girlfriend called her something she hated, therefore wasn't aware she did whereas Emily did. It spoke volumes. This dinner just kept getting better and better.

XXX

Derek Morgan loved his job. He honestly did. He loved to not only help people and bring a little justice into the world but he loved to hunt these vicious monsters down to prevent them from hurting anyone else. The sense of satisfaction from that was overwhelming. He didn't even mind the hours and the travelling so much. If that's what it took, then that's what it took.

However, on some mornings just every now and again, he wouldn't have minded just another hour or so in bed. A half hour even! Considering that the BAU had a completely different schedule to most of the FBI, he wouldn't have minded more of a chance to get some good shut eye in.

But that's what the coffee in his right hand was for. Though, it wasn't having much of an affect. Morgan had decided to ask JJ to make him a cup; she always made it with a kick!

Taking a deep breath in, he pushed himself off of the back of the elevator wall where he had been leaning. Lifting his hand up he rubbed his eyes at one last attempt at coming around properly. It had been a hard few months. The cases had been piling in and of course they had been going from place to place to sort through the disturbing events of cases. Emotions had been running high and Morgan had noticed that all of his primary team members' values or emotions or convictions had been pushed or tested, or just simply they had witnessed some heartbreaking things. Things that they had to hold now, because that was the nature of their jobs.

They kept each other going. He honestly didn't know what he would do without his friends. All his focus was on work, and the people in it. He didn't have much outside of it. Not like say, Hotch or JJ. His boss had his wife and his son, like JJ had Delilah. Though, he knew it could be hard for them with the distance and the fact that it wasn't easy being 'different'. Society got all uppity about sexual orientation. To him it made no sense. To him, if someone was happy they were happy. As long as no one was getting hurt, why bother getting up in arms about it? There were much worse things. He knew because they saw them every single day.

The thing was, now that the subject of JJ and her girlfriend had popped up into his brain, he wasn't sure if everything was peachy keen right there. Whereas once he had looked at them and thought they were a 'golden couple', going to undoubtedly spend the rest of their lives happy together, he didn't anymore. Now there was something different, something off. Now he was starting to think there were cracks. Starting from when and why he wasn't sure. But he had definitely noticed. Like he had noticed the extreme closeness between his blonde haired friend and Emily.

As Morgan strode off of the elevator his dark eyes scanned the hallway. Usually it wasn't stupidly busy at just this time in the morning which is why he usually got here at this time. However, he usually had a chance to wonder to his desk, dump his bag which was currently slung over his shoulder, and then meander to Garcia's office for a little morning chit chat and flirting. Today however, that quirky technical analyst of his was practically marching down the hallway.

''Good morning Baby Girl!''

He cooed, smiling as he waited for his friend to stop her marching. However she did not. Garcia barely even acknowledged his presence, and that just wasn't like her at all.

''Garcia?''

He stopped as he watched her march down the hallway and push JJ's door open. She stood there for a second before whirling around.

''Have you seen JJ?''

The little blonde asked…or more like demanded. Morgan drew his head back, beginning to get a sinking feeling in his stomach. This was seriously how not to start a day at the BAU. In fact, it was a big damn omen for the rest of the day to come. Penelope Garcia just did not get mad with Jennifer Jareau, ever. He had never seen it, not even once. Garcia adored JJ. Yet right now he could tell that she was just downright angry at her.

''No, I just got here. Why?''

Garcia growled, actually growled, and started her marching again. He blinked in a state of shock as she moved up the corridor and flashed him a dangerously dark look, one he had never seen before. He wasn't used to this side of her. Actually, he hadn't known it existed. Penelope had always been the extravagant and eccentric one, sure, but for all of the time she was an anchor to all the sweet innocence of the world that they needed reminding existed with all that they saw. Somehow, she was always a beacon of light in the darkness.

His little irate friend practically burst through the glass doors of the BAU, and like a moth to a flame he followed her. With morbid fascination he barely blinked as he realized that JJ was standing in the corner of the kitchenette with Emily. He heard laughter and as he watched the whirlwind that was Garcia, he realized they were standing close, laughing at something private as they made coffee, passing each other things as they went.

Somehow he got the idea of what this was going to be about.

Emily Prentiss caught movement in the corner of her eye and looked up to see that she and JJ were being approached by Garcia. She opened her mouth to speak, to say good morning, but she didn't get the chance. Stopping short, she frowned in confusion as Garcia walked up to them with a completely unimpressed look on her face, throwing her a dark glance before taking hold of an unsuspecting JJ's elbow.

''Can I have a word please?''

The technical analyst ground out without stopping in her movement or waiting for JJ to reply. Instead, with a secure grip on the slightly taller woman, Garcia pulled JJ away past the kitchenette and toward the door that led down toward the interrogation rooms, ignoring the look of complete shock from Emily and ignoring any objections JJ would make if she weren't too startled herself at being yanked away unceremoniously.

JJ's mind world, she had no idea what was going on. One second she had been joking around with Emily and the next she was being carted off. She hadn't even had chance to grab her coffee!

''Whoa…what're you doing Garcia?''

Getting over her surprise JJ managed to squeak out her question, though still too surprised to sound annoyed or angry but just squeaky and confused instead. Seriously, she had no idea what had gotten into her best friend. However, despite the fact that she was a trained FBI Agent, with a gun, she was pushed into one of the interrogation rooms roughly before the door was slammed shut.

''That's exactly what I was about to ask you.''

JJ began to wonder if she had woken up in an alternate dimension. This was starting to get freaky. She had never ever seen Garcia like this, a little annoyed sometimes at a few here and there things, but never…irate. And never at her either. She began to wonder what she had done wrong, but as her brain tried to think she couldn't come up with anything. In fact, she hadn't seen Garcia at all yet this morning, how could she of pissed her off already?

''What? What're you talking about? What's wrong?''

Garcia crossed her arms furiously as she stood in front of the door still, watching as her concerned best friend slid into one of the seats at the table. She honestly had no idea, did she? Absolutely no idea about why she was so freaking mad at her. And it made her madder that she was mad, because she loved her little sweet farm girl, she really did. JJ had honestly never done anything to piss her off before, not really. Besides not knocking on her office door a couple of times, but really, those moments passed when her heart went back to normal again. Now though she couldn't help but look at her bright eyed girl in a different light, and it was hurting to do that.

''Care to explain exactly why Delilah called me last night, still thinking we were working a case?''

The colourful hacker demanded sternly. She knew she was right because immediately JJ's expression went instantly from concerned to panicked, her body stiffening up rigidly as her breath caught. JJ wasn't a liar. She had never been one. Garcia couldn't think of one single time that JJ had been dishonest, apart from maybe little sneaky tactics with the press. But that wasn't lying, that was doing her own job and helping people. She always made sure they got the correct information, even if she had to play them at first to get it. But this was being dishonest.

JJ could feel the lump forming in her throat. It felt like tiny sharp knives as the butterflies whirled in her stomach, not in a light fluttering way but a churning way.

''She…Delilah called you?''

She swallowed, hard, feeling the pangs of guilt stir in her stomach under the scrutiny of one Penelope Garcia. Not that it hadn't been there before. It had. In all honesty it had been there just a little since she clapped eyes on Emily. Which this was about, of course. Penelope Garcia was not a stupid woman and although JJ had been trying to play it cool in front of her, she had known this moment would come at some point. Knew that her friend could sniff out bullshit in a fog storm faster than a blood hound.

''Yes.''

It had been since that dinner. That's when it had started. When she knew Garcia was suspicious that _something_ was going on. That's when she had started paying even more attention to everything. But she had been pushing it down, putting off thinking about it. Trying to act like everything was normal.

Well nothing was normal. JJ put a calm and cool act on, but inside she was going crazy. The only still moments inside of her head that she had anymore, were the ones when she was with Emily.

''Why?''

''Because she couldn't get through to you. She seemed to think we were still working.''

God this was bad. This was really, really bad. On one hand she couldn't believe that Delilah had called around looking for her, that in itself was somewhat irritating and a little oppressive. She had told Delilah that she had been at work, for crying out loud. That she'd call her when she could. Sure, that had been a complete lie, but still.

The lie. The panic flushed up within JJ once again, suddenly terrified at what her friend had told her unsuspecting girlfriend.

''What did you tell her Penelope?''

JJ asked seriously, fixing Garcia with a matching stern look. The irrational side of her told her she had nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing was happening. Not if you called lying to your girlfriend of 5 years about working when what you were really doing was staying over at another woman's place.

It wasn't the first time that she had spent the night at Emily's. It had started with that one night. The night of the kiss. The night she had trusted in Emily more than Delilah to take care of her without misunderstanding her or molly coddling her. Things had been a little distant after that, yes. But after that talk on the plane, then with the cases and the emotions…it had just happened.

Absolutely nothing physical had happened. All they did was hang out. The first time she had lied to Delilah was simply because she couldn't deal with her girlfriend's jealously. She had had too much wine watching DVD's with Emily, and the brunette had offered her the guest room. That was it.

Only, that wasn't it. They had done it again. And then again. And now it was almost becoming habit. They would make dinner together, or order take out. Listen to music and talk or watch films or things on TV.

That wasn't so bad, was it?

''Oh I told her we were still working and you were in here with a suspect. I _lied _JJ! For you! So you better tell me what the hell is going on!''

''Nothing…''

''_Don't_!''

JJ jumped so hard that the chair actually scraped against the floor as Garcia shouted. JJ had never actually heard her shout before, and she swallowed hard again at it being directed at her.

''Don't tell me it's nothing! You think that I haven't noticed? This thing with you and _Emily_? You were at her apartment last night, and I covered it up for you. You owe me an explanation.''

That was the first time it had been said out loud like that. Well, the first time by someone else, anyway. The words made JJ stall. 'This thing with you and Emily'. God that made it so much more real. Her mind began to wonder if anyone else had picked it up besides her angry friend.

Why couldn't she hide it? Why did she have to feel so good around the brunette? Feel like herself. And that's what happened around Emily, she felt like she could be however she wanted to be. Knew that she could let her guard down, let the cooped up Jennifer Jareau out for some air. Emily let her breathe, and she had become addicted to it. She became addicted to feeling so alive around her.

She had no idea what was happening to her. She wasn't a dishonest person, she really wasn't. In fact she was usually the crappiest liar. Even that stupid Detective in New Orleans had told her that when he'd been hitting on her. Though he had stopped promptly when she'd told him that she was involved. But he was right, she was a crappy liar. Yet she was desperately holding onto one, wasn't she? Had become so used to it, so needy of it and so convinced she had to hold onto it, that she was lying to keep it intact whilst trying to resist being pulled the other way.

Part of her desperately wanted to confess everything to Garcia. Every single thought and feeling and tell her to fix it for her. But the private and stubborn part, the part that wanted to protect what she was trying to hold onto and what she was being drawn toward at the same time kicked in.

''Look, it's not what you think okay? We were just watching movies and stuff. The last case was hard on her, she has issues with her Mom…she just needed some company.''

That part was true. The case with the Russian mob had been hard for her brunette friend, simply because of the presence of her Mother. Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss was certainly an extremely commanding woman that drew a certain presence around her. In all honesty she was somewhat intimidating. JJ could see straight away everything Emily had talked of to her before, seen her friend draw into herself for protection. She had her own parental issues but at least JJ had always known that she could go to her parents for pretty much anything. They might not always agree or whatever, but she could at least talk to them. Emily…it had been like she had been expected to raise herself. And now she was this wonderful, insightful, gracious woman. A true friend, loyal and compassionate, willing to be there with someone no matter what it took. She was intelligent and brilliant at her work. And all that didn't even seem to matter to the Ambassador, she didn't even seem to notice. And the hurt it caused inside of Emily, that wounded look in usually strong eyes, it had made JJ's heart break.

So yes, she had lied to her girlfriend. Delilah had been at home in her apartment, and JJ could easily have gone and spent the night in her arms. Done little couple-ish things and taken some comfort in the woman that loved her.

''That's it?''

''We're just friends, Garcia.''

Instead she had accepted Emily's invitation for chick flicks and pizza, beer and ice cream. She had wanted to comfort her, in any way she could.

''If you're just friends, then why did you lie to Delilah? And why are you lying to me now?''

''I'm not.''

''Yes you are. How many times have you stayed over at Emily's in the last months? I'm guessing your girlfriend is completely unaware of those times too.''

Garcia challenged, beginning to push JJ's buttons. Particularly over Emily.

''It's not…look I already told you. And do _not _bring Emily into this. She hasn't done anything wrong either. Just drop it and back off.''

JJ rose from her chair, a protective and defensive tone stirring within her voice. The last thing she wanted was for any of this to come back on her, she wasn't doing anything wrong. In fact Emily had simply been there for her, no matter what the situation. She hadn't made any advances onto her, though they both knew she could have. She just wanted to be there for her how she could.

''Stop fooling yourself Jennifer. The looks, the touches, the intimacy. You two are on a dangerous path and someone is going to get hurt. Wake up. How could you do this?''

Garcia fired back, though her voice cracked into a softer, almost disappointed tone.

''_I'm not doing anything_! Emily is a _friend_!''

The younger woman exasperated, feeling frustrated and trapped now. She didn't like being shoved into a box and questioned like this, she wasn't an unsub. She breathed heavily with the frustration, running her hands through her hair as she did, before glaring at Garcia again, who was still looking at her with accusing eyes and blocking the doorway.

''Yeah? I'm your best friend. When's the last time you stayed over at my place?''

''I…''

She couldn't answer and they both knew it. She had always been able to tell Garcia everything, but not this. She couldn't even admit this fully to herself. She couldn't, she wouldn't. Maybe Penelope was right somehow, maybe this wasn't wholly above board, but she didn't care. Her and Emily's relationship was still one of friendship, that was it.

''Of all people JJ…''

The analyst whispered softly, eyes dropping to the floor. It was JJ herself, and she knew what had happened with her parents in the past too. And that's what made JJ unwilling to stand here anymore and discuss any of this. It was far too real.

''Oh don't. If you're my best friend then stop judging me, I haven't done anything wrong. I have work to do.''

Approaching Garcia the FBI Agent gave her a steely gaze, silently ordering her to get out of her way. Penelope did. She stepped aside, watching almost despondently as JJ opened the door quickly. She felt like crying. This was unprecedented in their friendship, they'd never fought before and she had no idea what was going to happen between them. But she knew she had to be honest with her, whether JJ wanted to hear it or not. Whether they lost their friendship over it or not.

She loved JJ to the bottom of her heart, she truly did. She loved Delilah too. And she really liked Emily, but she couldn't stand by and watch this. She couldn't see Delilah get hurt because of the newest Agent on their team. Who probably hadn't done anything wrong, like JJ had said. But it was clear that she wanted to.

''JJ? Don't hurt her, she loves you. You're her world, you've been through so much together. She risked her life for you, don't betray her like this.''

JJ stalled as she was halfway out the door, unable to move. Somewhere in the back of her mind, in the bottom of her gut, she knew that's what this was all about. Delilah had saved her life, and now she owed her hers. And everyone obviously thought that too.

''Just back off Penelope, it's none of your business. And don't you dare do this with Emily, either. I won't forgive you if you do.''


	8. Chapter 8

**Title**: Bloodsport  
**Author**: darkbardzero  
**Fandom**: Criminal Minds   
**Pairings**: Jennifer Jareau/Emily Prentiss  
**Ratings**: 18  
**Summary**: ''Love is just a Bloodsport.''  
**Disclaimers**: All things Criminal Minds belong to people other than me. I just write stuff.  
**Author's Notes**: Well, this is something that was originally part of a drabble I wrote in the CM music challenge. Back then, I was nudged and encouraged by Steppenwolf_20 to write it full length. So here it is! It's been in the works for quite a while due to various reasons, but it's on the tracks now.  
**Thank You**: To **Steppenwolf_20** for suggesting it, **Sofia_Lindsay** for not letting me give up on it early on, and **Heidimaggs22** for supporting me, batting ideas around, putting up with rants and waffles and for being my rock! Ta to **Heidimaggs22 **and **Sofia_Lindsay **for beta'ing.  
**A/N** - I needed to take a time out, from this world and a lot of the real world. But I'm back, so if you'll indulge and forgive, I shall have this story finished for you.

XXX

Emily Prentiss has always had a tendency to panic. Not always. Oh no, no this tendency was only reserved for the random and personal. She supposed it gave flight to the geekier side of her. Brought up in a world of old money, elitist, political and professional snobs Emily had always been the odd one out. Amongst her 'friends' she had always been the odd one out. The air quotes were necessary when referring to the kids she grew up with. They were less her friends and more like the kids of the people her parents worked with that she got stuck with, given that they were mostly out of the country until her teenage years.

To them appearances had been everything. Emily had listened reluctantly to each and every one of them droning on about fashion or something that she equally wasn't interested in. Granted she had been a little swept away by a healthy dose of rebellious behaviour, but what teenager didn't? The most appalling thing Emily had had to put up with was listening to the ranting of those people, the judgments they made. Like life revolved solely around them. It had pissed her off then and pissed her off now. People didn't have a right to treat others like crap because they had money. To be honest Emily sometimes had thought of it as a disadvantage rather than an advantage. It was a fine line of like and hate coming from old money. While she appreciated every opportunity she was granted, every experience and such a stellar education, there were things that Emily had never gotten a chance to have too because of it.

Those things she had tried to compensate for, or compartmentalize, or just damn well try to push them into oblivion. Some worked some didn't. But she thought she had turned out more or less okay. It had been her mission to be different and walk away from the attitude that was so prevalent amongst the circle she had been brought up in. The values that she didn't see as really being values, the principals that had been contorted beyond recognition. She had done her best to step away from that because truly, that wasn't who she was.

People fascinated her. They had always fascinated her. And while she had watched this circus she had grown up in, studying behaviour, she had also learnt the protocol. Emily had learnt the ins and outs of presentation, of polite conversation, of putting on a mask. She had studied what it meant to be a Prentiss and although she had never wholly felt it inside her chest she had learnt to fake it. It hadn't been hard really, all it took was holding yourself with a little decorum and not letting anyone see how much you were squirming underneath, how much you loathed it. How you would be so much more comfortable doing something you wanted to do.

So she had her geekier tendencies. Emily freely admitted that she was a nerd. She was widely read, she had spent hours upon hours at museums and galleries and national treasures around the world. And as she had learnt not only about the politics of the world, but also the politics of her family, Emily had also learnt how far her imagination could take her. While in Egypt she had studied the people and customs, just like she did the other countries. She absorbed his information faster than a sponge, storing it away as she yearned for more. Despite the unsavory taste that politics left in her mouth she had still learnt it, destructive as she thought it was.

Emily Prentiss had never hit a grade lower than an A. She spoke not one but five languages, with tentative abilities in two others. She had gained a degree and masters under her belt, along with some other literary achievements that she was personally proud of. She had graduated the top at the FBI Academy and she had made it to her ultimate dream job. Yet sometimes it didn't seem enough. Emily felt, or knew, that she always fell short in some respect. Because she was different. She wasn't made of the same substance as her parents. She was introspective and conceptual, had chosen to stray from her given path for something that wasn't 'worth while' of a Prentiss.

Emily honestly didn't see the hang up there. How anyone on this earth could consider a career devoted to catching the most prolific serial offenders out there unworthy. Yet it was with a reluctant acceptance that her parents greeted her with and continued to try and cow her into leaving it to do something more desired.

So there she was. Emily was a contrast. It was difficult sometimes, to be so confident yet so painfully skittish and shy sometimes. To have such steel in one stroke and be the complete opposite with the next. It had always confused her how she could go from one end of the spectrum to the other. But she supposed she adapted to the situations at hand.

This situation though? This was hard to adapt to. The things she had been feeling lately, all the things she had been thinking about, it was hard for her to know what to do with. Caught between going for what she wanted and being terrified of it. Being terrified of JJ. God she wanted her, so badly. But until she worked out how she wanted her, was it fair to try anything? After all, she had to face up to the fact that JJ was involved with somebody else. She may not have liked it, she may not of agreed with it, but wasn't that JJ's choice? Did it matter if she saw the cracks there? Did she have a right to use them to her advantage? Did she have a right to do anything? Had she done anything?

It was a tangled mess of doubts and questions inside of her head right now. And what made it worse? Being here with Delilah Forrester herself.

Emily could honestly not find the answer to why the hell she had agreed to this. But not only agreed, oh no, she had _offered_. Was it morbid fascination? Was it sizing up her opponent? Was it trying to prove something to herself? Or to prove something to JJ? Whatever the reason, the highly educated profiler could not work out. When she worked herself out, she was sure the answer would be there but until that time she was stuck here.

As juvenile as it was however, part of her was secretly looking forward to this. She had Delilah all to herself right now. And not only that, she got to literally attack her. Whether this was her intention or not, Emily recognised the opportunity in front of her. To figure out the woman in JJ's life, take a look at how she operated. How she played her moves. Emily wanted to see her strategize so that she in turn could strategize.

Fencing, they said, was chess with muscles. And if she didn't say so herself, Emily was a damn excellent chess player.

Fencing relied on the complicated strategies, the thrusts and parries that punctuated a duel. It took a lot of effort and training to hone the skills, to hone agility and quickness and the subtlety of movement. It really was like a moving chess game, you had to think steps ahead. To know your own skills and learn those of your combatant. It was a spar, a duel.

Emily began to wonder just what she was going to be dueling for.

''So, how long have you been doing this for?''

Emily regarded her combatant speculatively. Delilah didn't seem nervous. In fact she seemed almost excited. The Detective kept looking around the club as she signed in as a guest under Emily's name, smiling at the desk clerk as she handed him back his pen politely. She seemed enthused. Unawares.

Emily didn't know how to feel about that. The younger woman did seem genuinely like a nice girl. She was obviously smart, and a decent kind of person. Emily knew that Delilah loved JJ, but there was just that something that didn't sit right. The fact that she couldn't grasp the blonde whatsoever, couldn't see who she was or what she was, it annoyed Emily. But it annoyed her too that Delilah seemed to be so damn likeable.

''I started training when I was 12.''

Delilah gaped at her with wide eyes. Emily didn't fail to admit to herself that she felt just the slightest pang of satisfaction to see a brief flash of intimidation run through the other woman's eyes.

''12? Jesus! You must be pretty good. I only started in high school.''

As Emily lead Delilah through the club with ease, carrying her gear bag along with her, she quirked an eyebrow, momentarily forgetting about the combat and its literal and metaphorical meanings. Today she didn't have a gun strapped to her hip. Today she wasn't striding with confidence because she was an FBI Agent, holding her go bag ready to fly into action. Today she was confident for another reason. Not because she was skilled with a gun but skilled with all three of the swords, the foil being her strongest talent but she was also highly trained and skilled in the epee and the sabre. In her gear bag were the three different swords, in their own special holders. Not only that, but her fencing uniform, her metallic lamé and her mask, shoes and gloves. Once upon a time Emily had thought about maybe going into the sport professionally, but she had been drawn toward a different path. This path.

''It was an option at your high school?''

Delilah scoffed dismissively as she shook her head.

''No. I just had my heart set on getting into college, I was already doing the softball thing but I thought a second sport couldn't hurt. It was interesting and challenging, so I took it up privately. Had to get a second job to pay for the lessons!''

Now Emily really did feel somewhat like a spoilt brat. She had never had to get a job for anything if she didn't want it. She'd never needed a first one. She'd been sent to all the best schools, had all the best tutors, had been free to do whatever she had wanted. And although she had very rarely abused that privilege and she wasn't the brat everything would have her be, she still felt a little guilty sometimes. She could honestly quit the FBI this instance and do anything she wanted without worrying about money. She just had to remind herself that money didn't make the person. She had to make the type of person she wanted to be.

The next half hour became that of inane conversation. It wasn't really inane, but Emily really wanted it to be. The truth was she quite liked hearing Delilah talk. She had never listened to her like this before, in such a setting. About something they had in common other than JJ. And really, Delilah didn't realise just how much they had in common over JJ, so it couldn't really be candid anyway.

It annoyed her that right now she couldn't specifically dislike Delilah for being Delilah. When not thought of in context of her relationship with JJ, she was pretty nice. Damnit.

The worst thing was that right now, Emily had that feeling. That feeling that she didn't know herself. With that Emily knew she could panic or freeze. But she was determined not to. She began to let herself slip into what she knew. She knew how to do this. She knew how to fence. How to size up her opponent and scrutinize their skills and go for what she needed to win.

The brunette had booked the fencing room for a good couple of hours. Whether they were there for that long or not she wasn't sure. She had no idea what was going to happen but she was determined to come out of this experience with something. With knowing more about herself, her feelings, and Delilah as someone she may have been going up against in more ways than fencing.

They had decided to go with the foil. Delilah was only trained in that so it wasn't as though they had much of an option. After getting their electric score keeper set with the wiring they were good to go.

As Emily pulled the mask over her head she could only hear the sound of her own breathing. It was focused and regular. She wasn't nervous but she stilled herself for a moment to let herself close her eyes and breathe. To clear her mind, to become intently focused on just this moment. The moment that would lead to the next and the next. To compartmentalize that which she did not need.

Instead she thought about her strategy. About her movements, her thrusts and parries. She thought about the duel ahead. Her strengths and her weaknesses. She felt the weapon in her now gloved hand. It was her own; it had been made just for her. It was the perfect weight and the perfect feel. The modern version of the dueling rapier with a flexible rectangular blade, which was approximately 35 inches long and weighed less than a pound. She knew this weapon. It had been crafted for her. She knew these surroundings. And she had the advantage of being a profiler too. She didn't over think her actions but she has a gut instinct due to her occupation.

She would not panic.

After warming up they found themselves ready for the bout. Delilah was a lot quicker than she had expected. And a lot more skilled than she had anticipated. Emily found her to be an aggressive combatant. She wasn't afraid to go in for the shot. She was agile and her movements were congruent and assertive. She was confident. Emily let herself be pushed back. She purposefully let Delilah invade her space and be dominant in the bout. As she did she learnt everything she could.

There was definitely one big weakness that the Detective had. And that was arrogance. Arrogance combined with ignorance. It gave her a huge weakness to be taken advantage of. She didn't see it and that's where the flaw came in. She didn't see what was right in front of her. Something that Emily thought was extremely telling for her as a person. As a girlfriend. It confirmed what she thought before. She didn't really see JJ. And she would be too arrogant to perceive anyone as a threat that could.

''You're holding back!''

Emily looked through the mask slat to regard the younger woman, noting that she seemed irritated. At least she could tell that she wasn't giving it her all.

''I am.''

''You don't seem like the kind of person that holds back Emily.''

''Not really, no.''

''Then stop holding back and bring it on.''

They started again and Emily gave Delilah what she had asked for. She didn't hold back. She moved with precise strokes and parries, thrust and jabbed. She was better than Delilah and she used the knowledge she had gleaned from the bout previously. She used it to her advantage as the duel continued. An aggressive one. Delilah was over eager but she was also quick. Emily had to match and do better than that. Whereas the younger woman would be so aggressive that she could lose control Emily held that control. That's how she won her points. Its how she started to take all the advantage, take the lead. And the more she did it, the more she tired Delilah out which lead to more open vulnerabilities.

It was surreal. For a moment Emily really did slip into the idea that they were honestly having a 'gentlemanly' duel. Settling their differences through the sword. It was almost archaic in a way. Yet still, as she watched her opponent fall, as she has a few times, and stood over her, the foil pointed at her chest, Emily felt prevailing. She had bestest her opponent and proved herself the better swordsman.

''You had enough?''

Emily didn't move. She continued to hover over her fallen competitor, sword still pressed to her chest. Delilah had propped herself up on her elbows, her breathing was fast and erratic and the profiler was pretty damn sure that underneath her mask she looked more than pissed off at loosing so royally.

''Yes.''

Emily nodded at the sound of defeat. She finally let her sword drop as she extended her other hand down to Delilah. The Detective took it with a sound of reluctance and Emily helped her up onto her feet.

''You're a lot better than you telegraph. You're quiet about your strengths.''

The Detective observed as she pulled her mask off. Her face was flushed and she still fought to control her breathing.

''I don't need to advertise them. I use them when I need to.''

Emily responded.

''Is that how you do your job? Get around people? By underplaying yourself?''

The brunette shrugged as she pulled off her own mask, ready to show herself again.

''Sometimes.''

''I think that's underhanded.''

''Oh yeah? Why's that?''

Delilah shrugged as she walked to the edge of the room where a wooden bench sat along the wall. She picked up her bottle of water and put down her mask. After taking a drink she turned to look at Emily again.

''You need to let those perps know who's in charge, not do all that sneaking around shit. That's just for TV. If you're not aggressive and assertive with them, they'll walk all over you.''

Emily pulled off her gloves slowly as she considered Delilah's words. In a not so subtle way she had just called her underhanded, but she still didn't perceive the threat she could be. She was still arrogant enough to believe that she was right. That she couldn't be beaten. That the woman she didn't truly see would ever want to stray. Delilah, Emily knew, thought that she had JJ all worked out and put in a nice little box that she had the key to. And she was so beyond wrong.

''Delilah, have you ever looked into the eyes of a serial killer?''

''I deal with scum every day.''

Emily nodded and looked down for a moment, rolling her tongue along her lips.

''Yeah, I know. And that in itself is abhorrent, don't get me wrong. But, in your work, have you come across someone so empty, so full of nothing that it makes your skin crawl? Someone that you know has taken joy in human devastation? We're trained differently for a reason. JJ could tell you that.''

Delilah simply scoffed.

''Not really.''

''What?''

The Detective shrugged as she breathed in, seemingly searching for what to say.

''She doesn't do what you do. She's just the public face, right? She's there to inform everyone what the bosses want her to and do the paperwork. She's there for the cameras, that's it. It's a good job she likes attention.''

_That_ Emily wasn't expecting. Didn't everyone know that JJ _hated_ the attention? She knew Delilah had her girlfriend wrong but this was something else. This should've been fundamental. Like she should have also known that the blonde did a hell of a lot more than that. She did more than anyone really knew, but at least they knew she did that.

''You think she just likes the attention?''

Again, Delilah shrugged flippantly.

''Why else would she be in the FBI?''

XXX

''Oh come on!''

Emily smirked lightly in amusement as JJ cried out and flailed at the huge TV screen that they were currently watching the football game on. She, along with all the other football fans in here, did not seem too impressed by what just happened. Emily honestly wasn't too sure what had happened, but by the distressed yells and groans that drowned out just a few cheers from the opposing fans, it hadn't been any kind of good. Despite that it was a so-called 'friendly' game now that the Superbowl had passed.

The blonde groaned in absolute frustration as she put her hands on her head, eyes darkly focused on the screen. Emily mused that if looks could kill the football player that had just pissed everyone off would have withered up and died a thousand deaths by now. It was so unbelievably adorable how much JJ was into this game. She wasn't at all surprised to find out that Jennifer Jareau was a football fan. Given her talent toward sports and all. Emily herself knew nothing about football, soccer, but not football. But she was thoroughly enjoying the time here both with the team, and watching all of JJ's little quirks and passion for the game. It wasn't even her team playing, but it didn't matter, JJ knew the other two teams extensively.

It had been hard to look JJ in the eye tonight after another dream like the first she had had. There had been another like it since, not quite as drastic as the first thankfully. This time Delilah hadn't made a cameo in it. She was here now, sitting on the far end of the big table they had to watch the game at, chatting with Hotch's wife and Reid. The three of them weren't interested in the game, and she technically wasn't either. But she was just having fun sat in the corner, watching and experiencing. Morgan and Hotch would mutter something occasionally and yell at the screen just like JJ too. It was kind of sweet. But her attention was definitely more pointed toward the blonde that was sat next to her.

''I take it that was bad?''

Emily teased as JJ relaxed and sat back into the booth seat properly. She scoffed lightly in quiet amusement as she turned to look at her, running her hand through her blonde hair. Emily thought she looked good like this, the passionate fire in her eyes, the slight fluster it caused to sweep across her face.

''Very bad!''

JJ avoided splurging into the details. She knew Emily would listen but doubtfully understand. Maybe one day she'd explain the game to her but not right now in a bar. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to learn, Delilah never had. But she did seem quite amused at everyone's antics of getting into the game.

''You'll have to teach me sometime.''

The brunette said as though she had been reading JJ's mind. It caused the blonde to stall momentarily, just looking at Emily as the rest of the world continued on around them. The game kept going and the play was still on, there was shouting and cheering and laughing booming around them, but neither of them hardly noticed. And as fast as it had come about, it went again.

It was JJ that reached her hand the small distance toward the brunettes and without breaking the eye contact she slipped her hand over Emily's and interlaced their fingers together. It was a risky move right here but she hadn't seemed to be able to help herself. She just wanted to touch Emily all the time. It was happening more and more. The looks and the touches. She knew that's one of the reasons why Garcia had seemingly picked up on something.

Garcia. JJ had felt a little guilty for going off on her like that. But she had felt trapped. Exposed even. She was unwilling to let go of the denial she had left and her best friend had threatened that. She had apologised, and tried to explain that she was stressed and that she really was just friends with Emily. That there were just a few things they had in common that no one else did and it was easy to talk to her and she had needed a friend. Though Garcia had been a little hesitant, she had accepted the explanation. It hadn't been a problem since.

What had been a problem was keeping up appearances with Delilah, both in private and in public. Even right now they were separated. JJ was honestly grateful for the break, she was glad that her girlfriend wasn't taking an interest. It gave her chance to breathe. The slightly younger woman had been all over her recently, and it was harder than ever right now to remember why they were together in the first place. JJ knew it shouldn't have been like that, and she felt guilty for it. But it was happening all the same. She was vaguely aware of the line she was teetering over.

But when she looked at Emily it all faded away.

''Son of a bitch!''

It was Morgan's loud yell that snapped them both out of it, and they looked away from one another so fast they could have sustained whiplash. The blonde looked up at the TV screen almost numbly as Emily took a sip of her drink before she cleared her throat lightly. Again, she was suddenly aware of just how close JJ's body was, and she was positive that her friend was noticing the same thing as her. JJ glanced at her sideways, the truth in her eyes before she pushed it back and looked back over at the screen.

They had spent more time with each other, just simple things. Even going running together most of the time. It was getting harder to stay away from JJ. From not acting on her want. Especially after spending more time with the Detective. Definitely more so after they had had their fencing duel. She'd had to really clamp down on telling JJ what Delilah thought and asking her why the hell she was with her. But she couldn't do that. Not now, maybe not ever. She still wasn't sure if it was her right to do or not, and she didn't want to ruin the friendship she had with JJ.

So right now they were stuck.

XXX

''Hey, do you want wine or beer?''

Emily mused casually as she stood peering into her fridge speculatively. She had gone to the store after they had flown home so that at least she had some supplies. It was a good thing too given that she had her now almost regular guest here. Her brown eyes lifted up and looked up the stairs as JJ began to walk down them. She had put her stuff into the spare room and undoubtedly talked to Delilah on her phone, telling her she was at work or something. JJ had also changed into some shorts and a Redskins t-shirt. Emily thought she looked adorable.

''Either works for me.''

JJ smiled softly as Emily nodded and wondered into the living area. She picked up the three DVD's on the coffee table and picked one at random to take out and put into the machine. Given the case they had just worked both of them felt like a little easy going movie night was in order. JJ knew that Emily had been jarred by being up on that mountain and had started to worry about the links between them and the unsubs, the realisation hitting her that they weren't all that different. And Emily knew that JJ had hated to yet again give someone the worst news of their life. Not only that but guide a young Sheriff through doing the same too. JJ hadn't lost her professionally or anything, she did her job and she did it well, but what everyone knew she wouldn't say was that one of the worst parts of her job was delivering the news.

It seemed like so long ago that they had been in that bar. As JJ looked over at the brunette who was busying herself in the kitchen, the blonde remembered Emily's playful antics with 'Brad the FBI Agent' and she couldn't help but smirk. She couldn't fault the idiot for trying to come onto her friend. Who wouldn't? She had looked so beautiful that night. She always did. It's why she wasn't shocked when Penelope had been surprised at the immediate interest Emily had had.

''Beer! The popcorn is ready; the food is on its way. I think we're ready for the chick flick marathon now!''

Emily declared as she juggled the bowl of popcorn and said beer toward the living room. JJ chuckled as she grabbed the bowl and set it down on the table, to which Emily grunted at her thankfully. They had ordered pizza and they were prepared for comfort with pillows and blankets. They were doing everything they can to put the case behind them, forget it just for tonight to get some comfort and some sleep. Tomorrow they could think about it again and absorb it, but right now it was more haunting than anything else. And haunting could be devastating.

The two of them got settled onto the couch and got comfortable, finding it much easier to laugh lightly as they went about it. It always seemed easier to relax in each other's presence. With one of them at each side of the couch, sprawled out a little so heir legs were in the middle, Emily pressed play on the remote and they started to relax even more. Laughing and commenting on the movie as it began to play, passing the bowl between each other and drinking their respective beers. It felt as good, if not better, as all the other times they had hung out like this. So natural.

They didn't talk about anything serious. Just chattered about anything and everything. The pizza came and Emily once again teased JJ about how much she could eat, making JJ nudge her with her feet! The case was forgotten bit by bit, giving way to a bond that whether it was right or not, was strong and anchoring and comforting.

It was the bond that made it so easy for them to fall asleep together on the couch under the blankets they had, halfway through the third DVD. In their sleep, they had shifted until they were cuddled and stretched out together. Holding onto someone had never seemed so normal and right.

XXX

Jennifer Jareau sighed in relief as she walked off of the elevator and onto the relative safety of her own floor. To be honest, anywhere was safer than the one she had just practically run from. Two floors up where many of the plush executives reined their administrative terror. She had been up there for her monthly 'this is why we picked this case and these are what have been worked on also' meetings.

Basically the continuing justification of why the BAU existed and did what it did. Like it needed justifying, all you had to do was turn the news on and see what was happening out there. It's why her office was inundated with requests and pleas, why she was bombarded all day every day by all kinds of people in all kinds of professions, even other countries. And the big wigs that had never stepped foot in the field thought it needed for her to step in front of a firing squad every month? It was insulting. She understood the necessity for procedure and even the necessity for regular assessments, but not like that. Not like the ones she attended, or rather, was dragged to.

Thankful that this months meeting was over with, unless someone found it fun to drag her butt back for some reason before the next one, JJ carried the small stack of files in her arms as she also carried her satchel that had the units paperwork and progress reports in it. Everything you could possibly imagine that could be kept on file about something was. And she was the gatekeeper of every last inch of it. Reports, statistics, personnel, incident reports, requests, questions, media coverage, you name it and JJ had it. She knew every last inch of the paperwork that flowed in and out of this unit. She knew every member of this unit from the boss to the cleaner assigned here, she knew what everyone was working on individually and had assigned most of them their caseload. She knew the calls she had to catch up on and her own reports to complete.

And then after that, there were the other million and one other things to do.

''I need an assistant.''

JJ grumbled as she pushed her door open just before she realised she had closed it on her way out. Looking up she saw Emily standing in the middle of the office, one hand holding a file and the other wrapped around her coffee mug. JJ haltered in the doorway, surprised to find someone just standing there waiting, especially Emily. Emily who looked at her in quiet amusement.

''You do?''

She asked lightly, knowing that JJ had been talking to herself but not being able to resist asking anyway. She could tell that JJ was somewhat flustered from her meeting, as she often was when she had to go up to the powers that be.

''The damn White House press sectary gets one. Ever seen The West Wing? I'm CJ Cregg for the BAU. Just…with a gun.''

JJ responded, taking the opportunity to get her grievances out so that she could shed the frustration and get on with the rest of her afternoon. Walking past Emily and around to her desk, the blonde set her satchel and files down, sighing almost contentedly and thankfully that she was in the safe haven of her office, and ran a hand through her hair slowly.

''CJ Cregg huh, she's kinda foxy.''

Emily mused easily before the mental image of JJ standing up behind that podium popped into her head. It wasn't a bad image.

''I could see you in that job.''

She added honestly. JJ was intelligent and forward thinking, unafraid to get in the thick of things and thrived on the chaos and pressure of continually changing situations. She was confident and could hold her own with the best of the best, Emily had seen it for herself. The way she worked the press, sparred with them and had a way with them on mass and individually. She was networked to high heaven, something that Emily was just finding out about the 'quiet' blonde Agent, and she had that mentality that if she didn't understand something right away she'd go and make sure she did, she had an open mind and a resolve and determination that was admirable. Yeah, JJ could definitely do that job.

''What job?''

Emily blinked, focusing again to see that JJ had gotten lost in flicking through five or six messages that had been left for her on her desk during her absence.

''White House press sectary.''

JJ looked up thoughtfully, letting her hands drop for a moment but still hold the messages, as she looked out into space and the imaginings started to filter into her bright blue eyes.

''Yeah, I'd kinda rock that job wouldn't I?''

She asked in almost a whisper, more so because she was daydreaming about having said job. It made Emily chuckle lightly, finding JJ utterly adorable right this very second. Or more so adorable, anyway. It wasn't as though she could deny that she had a huge soft spot for the younger woman. It didn't mean that her assessment of how remarkably capable JJ was was because she thought she was the most beautiful woman she'd ever seen, though. That was an unbiased opinion.

''Totally. I can see you roaming the halls with Josh and Toby trading fast paced barbs and dry insults, battling out with congress and organizing absurd press events for the President. Which assistant would you pick?''

''Donna. She's the wittiest.''

Emily nodded in approval.

''True, but you'd have to give up the gun, I'd expect.''

The brunette pointed out playfully making JJ blink and look at her properly, a small smirk drifting onto her lips.

''Eh, I don't think the BAU is ready to get by without me anyways, not that you're allowed to repeat that to anyone.''

Emily chuckled again and held up her hands slightly in surrender, still clutching her file and her mug.

''Wouldn't dream of it. I would have to agree with you anyway, you more or less run this unit, I doubt the rest of us could cover if you gave us a book entitled ''JJ's job for dummies'!''

At that JJ laughed, making Emily smirk before lifting up her mug to sip at her coffee. Her aim had been to make the blonde laugh, not only to shake off her meeting and put her in a better mood to finish the day on, but also because there was something so mesmerizing about watching JJ laugh. Emily thought if they could make it into a drug everyone would be high. She was gracious and radiant, so intrinsically beautiful in a way that JJ just never seemed to realise fully.

''I needed that, thank you.''

JJ said appreciatively as she continued to chuckle lightly, shaking her head a little as she finished reading the last couple of messages.

''No problem, happy to help.''

''What were you lingering in my office for anyway?''

JJ asked as she looked up toward Emily again. Those deep brown eyes got her every time. They were so deep, so inviting and complicated. Emily had layers, a lot of them. And that's just how JJ preferred her women. Complicated, passionate, genuine and smart. Emily fit all those categories and then some, not to mention that she was as sexy as hell. A stone cold fox actually. Plenty of times JJ had found her eyes lingering on Emily, her teeth biting her bottom lip lightly as she did as she would drink her in. It wasn't just the physical appeal, although that in itself was damn overwhelming. It was just something inside of her too, an essence.

Oh yeah, it was definitely getting harder. She had to stop these thoughts, these feelings, before everyone got hurt. She had a girlfriend. A girlfriend that she felt disconnected to right now sure, but she was her girlfriend nonetheless. Being with Delilah was now getting somewhat awkward. The Detective had tried to snuggle with her the other night and she had actually flinched at the touches and had to force herself to relax just because she knew it wasn't Emily. She'd had to imagine waking up in Emily's arms again that morning on the couch. The morning she had pretended to be asleep with the brunette woke up, just to make it last longer.

''Oh, I needed you to take a look at my report and add some details for media suggestions and ways to do some of the things I've suggested without drawing too much attention and realisation.''

Emily explained, a somewhat more serious tone edging into her voice as she lifted up the file and outstretched her arm toward JJ. The blonde took it and furrowed her eyebrows as she opened it up so that she could scan it quickly. Emily wrapped both hands around her mug now, looking around JJ's office again as the blonde occupied herself with looking over the report.

Emily liked it in here. It always felt like JJ, smelt like her even, and despite the fact that it looked severely disorganized, Emily knew it wasn't. Emily knew JJ knew exactly where everything was. Had seen her go straight to something when she was asked to produce it. The girl kept track of everything. Her notice board was full of odds and ends, some related to work some not, some paper cut outs and some schedules on the teams mandatory training sessions too. It was frightening sometimes the amount of information JJ was the master of. Actually, she wondered who wielded the scariest amount of power in that respect, JJ or Garcia? Or in the other respect, JJ or Hotch?

''Okay this shouldn't be a problem, I'll have it back to you in an hour.''

JJ said eventually, quietly as though she were still thinking to herself. Her eyes still lingered on the report, finding Emily's work fascinating. In all honesty she loved to read her teams reports because she found them interesting, but sometimes didn't because she had far too much work of her own to get through. Every single case that hit her desk she had to comb through whereas the others only did what got passed her. They were so insightful and she had learnt a lot from there. She had hit the ground running with this job, had barely a transition period from graduating the Academy to taking over this office, and she'd loved every grueling minute of it. It had given her chance to really sink her teeth into something and gain a lot of experience. She'd developed a lot of skills on the fly, and one of them was her ability to go through these cases and act on the unit's behalf. Basically a different version of profiling, just with her own specialty thrown in there too.

''Thanks. Hey, is that you?''

Emily propelled herself forward toward the notice board as she saw a glimpse of a photograph and a familiar blonde smudge of hair. With a warm smirk she moved the papers surrounding it, and pulled the pin out so she could remove the photo from the board.

''Oh, yeah it is.''

Emily's smile widened a little as she just gazed at the picture, holding it gently in her hand. JJ had barely changed. She looked as radiant as ever, that big smile reaching deep into her eyes as she grinned toward the camera with her two friends. Her arms were looped around their shoulders affectionately, and from the way they all leaned into each other Emily could tell that they were close. JJ was holding up her finger in an indication of 1, and she looked so carefree and happy. It was nice to see her like that. Emily loved those moments, when she'd see JJ goofing around or something. Laughing with the boys or Garcia, with her even. She could see that her sweet nature and charm had developed a long time ago.

It was so apparent to her that JJ didn't show everything of herself to everyone. And that was a little sad. She hid things in order to keep those things safe within herself. And Emily was finding it ever difficult to shut up about the fact that the blonde closed off so much around her girlfriend.

''How old were you in this?''

Emily wondered. JJ breathed in, frowning slightly as she tried to remember exactly when the picture was taken.

''Almost 18, I think. I have a hazy memory of my Aunt taking it before a game. It was Varsity soccer at high school, I was Captain and we were coming up to some important games. There were scouts all over.''

JJ explained fondly. It had been a lot of pressure, just like she had told Hotch on the plane home after the case near her hometown. It had been worth it though. Not just because the athletic scholarship had gotten her into college, but because she had learnt a lot. She had learnt about being a team, and learnt a lot about her ability to lead one. To make critical decisions and organise. To be able to think ahead, to foresee what the other team were going to do.

''Did you win?''

JJ smiled and nodded.

''Yeah, we won.''

Emily nodded, looking at the picture a last time before putting it back on the notice board where she had found it.

''Are you close to your family?''

She wondered lightly, taking the opportunity to continue. She turned back to JJ who cleared her throat and narrowed her eyes speculatively as she shrugged lightly.

''It would depend on what you consider close, I guess. It's complicated.''

Emily nodded as she rolled her tongue along her lips and looked at JJ apologetically.

''Right, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry.''

Ducking her head she cleared her throat, a lump forming in her throat as she panicked that she had over stepped her boundary. She knew JJ was private, should have known better than to try to wheedle information out of her. It was just hard to contain her interest of JJ, her fascination.

''No, I didn't mean it like that Em. I know you weren't prying, I just meant that it's a long and boring story is all.''

''You sure, 'cos I tend to switch foots to put in it regularly, you can say if I have.''

JJ smiled warmly and shook her head at Emily's raised eyebrows and big worried brown eyes. She was so sweet sometimes.

''Honestly, you haven't. I know I'm all mysterious and private, but I do have people that I talk to and share things with. I'd consider you to be one of them. You know I trust you, with everything I have.''

Emily opened her mouth to say something and found that she couldn't say anything. She did know that JJ trusted her. With everything that had happened between them in such a relatively short period, plus the unspoken feelings in their eyes, she definitely knew. JJ had turned to her rather Delilah on more than a few occasions now.

''Thank you; I'm touched by that. And I hope you know it works the other way around too.''

''I do.''

JJ responded simply but earnestly. Emily had turned to her too. One thing that she hadn't admitted to anyone as of yet, was during the case to New Orleans when Detective Will LaMontagne had flirted with her she had politely told him that the woman that bought him a drink had more chance with her than him. Before they found out she was the unsub, obviously. But he had automatically assumed Emily was her girlfriend. She had corrected him, but the experience had stayed with her. A total stranger that they had barely spent any time with had spotted something enough to think they were together. She really hadn't absorbed that yet, or the many things it could hold in meaning.

''I know. I think you know exactly what I think of you, too.''

Emily hadn't expected herself to say anything like that. Nothing quite so bold yet available to quickly change the meaning of. But something propelled her to say it and she thought if she at least tested the waters she would be able to figure out what was going on and how to precede. She had her instincts, but there was such a thing as wishful thinking. She really liked JJ. Actually she pretty much adored JJ. Despite not quite knowing what she wanted from her, or with her, yet, she was starting to gain some insight. And she was loosing the will power to resist. JJ was so beautiful, and she liked her beautiful things. She wanted to set her free from the box she had been trapped inside of.

''You would be correct about that.''

JJ responded elusively, seemingly taking an ounce of pleasure in not giving Emily an inch on what she felt about that or her. Her blue eyes sparkled intently as they gazed across toward the brunette, a soft curve of the side of her mouth indicating that she was playfully teasing and liked it. Emily wondered what she was getting into. But was thrilled by that wonder. Everything about JJ compelled her; it was like a gravitational pull. And she had never been one to be attracted to serious women. She liked a challenge; she liked the mysteriousness and the playfulness. She liked knowing that the girl she wanted would be a handful, would be a force of nature and JJ was definitely those things and then some. The only obstacle was Delilah.

Nodding, as she knew she would get nothing else but knowing the answer anyway, Emily smirked and inched toward the door.

''You free this weekend? After this house cleaner case it'd be nice to blow off some steam.''

The brunette wondered, making JJ's eyes narrow slightly as she cringed faintly.

''Yeah…Delilah took it upon herself to invite the team to a bar they like. It's umm…it's a karaoke bar. Don't ask. But apparently drinks start at my place. I doubt it's going to be fun but…you wanna come? Save me from being mocked and bored?''

Emily smiled and nodded.

''Sure. However, I refuse to sing!''

JJ laughed and nodded in understanding, just relieved that Emily would be there to save her from the normal routine a night like that would be for her. Everyone would get merry to drunk, and everyone would tease her inability to sing. Delilah usually started it off. JJ didn't honestly know why she had never argued against it. It's just, her parents had never seen the value of it rather than concentrating on sports, and Delilah was so full of her own voice that she assumed no one else could sing. She based the assumption that she couldn't by the humming in the shower. So JJ had just thought if she assumed something like that, she wasn't going to hear the real thing.

JJ just watched as Emily edged out of her office with that look in her eyes and a smirk on her face that made her shiver. She gaped for a moment longer before smirking, taking a large breath in before looking around her office as Emily popped her head back around the doorway.

''Oh and JJ? If you think back, I think you'll find that I called you foxy!''

After that, Emily disappeared again leaving JJ to muse on their conversation. A thousand watt smile emerged on her face as she realised that Emily had actually called her that, albeit very subtly. Chuckling as she shook her head, the blonde took a seat and opened out the brunette profilers file to work on, smirking as she did.

It never really occurred to her on a functioning level that she and Emily had just been flirting. Maybe not too outrageously but more than they really had specifically before. In the past it had been more innuendo through friendship, a feeling or something like this. But this time, it had been flirting.

XXX

''Emily!''

Emily blinked at the surprised squeak of a greeting she received when JJ's front door opened up not to reveal that particular blonde but another blonde. One Penelope Garcia. She seemed as lively and eccentric as ever, with her hair in little bouncy ponytails and as usual she was dressed in her own unique way. However, as she peered through her glasses the technical whiz seemed surprised. As surprised as Emily was at having her answer JJ's door.

''Hey Penelope.''

The brunette greeted with a mixture of friendliness and her own surprise. She really did like Garcia. They had been talking a lot more and she found the woman to be very warm and affectionate. And that was hard given what she saw day in and day out. She had a sweet essence and it must have been torture for her to do what she did for this team. But Emily knew it would've been torture for her not to.

''What're you doing here so early?''

Garcia wondered, still confused. She watched as Emily lifted up some wine and a bag, and shrug lightly.

''I came to help. JJ wanted me to make things.''

Since 'drinks' had turned into 'drinks and snacks' according to Delilah and then passed on to Emily through JJ, the blonde had asked her if she'd be willing to make the snacks she had made for her once. They were Italian based and it had amused Emily that JJ had gone nuts over them. So when her friend had asked her to come early to get them going, she'd been happy to agree. It meant more time with JJ, even if it was around other people.

''Ah I see! Come on in, the lesbian lovelies are tidying and setting up.''

Emily smiled despite herself. Garcia had a very unique way with words! Emily followed Garcia into the apartment, closing the door behind her. She really didn't know what would come of tonight. For some reason it felt different. In all honesty Emily felt almost detached from everything, as though she was in a surreal position of watching over everything that happened, including her own actions. She could shake the feeling that something was going to happen. Her gut was telling her like a house alarm would go off. It was loud and distinctive and she wondered what the hell was going on. Maybe she had finally got to the point of working in the BAU where she thought a call would come through simply because they had all planned something? But her instincts leant more toward her status with JJ.

''Your first guest has arrived! Although, is a guest really still a guest when they're being put to work?''

Garcia mused teasingly, gaining both JJ and Delilah's attention as they chattered at the cooking island. They looked pretty normal there together. Muttering something that was probably personal and goofing around as they did whatever they were doing with food. Before Garcia had said anything Emily had caught a movement from Delilah that had nudged JJ lightly, and the blonde had scoffed lightly. Now though when she looked up at her, her eyes sparked with a different kind of electric.

''Oh you so know you like being our slave!''

Delilah teased back toward Garcia before nodding a greeting at Emily. Garcia purred slightly, it was rather disturbing but she smiled crookedly as she tried to play it coy.

''Well you've found me out sugar! JJ might have some competition!''

Delilah laughed lightly as she glanced at JJ and then back toward the shorter blonde.

''If you're talking about singing, I wouldn't worry, she doesn't pose any competition!''

The Detective snickered, making Garcia laugh in the process. Emily glanced at JJ and caught the flash of anger in blue eyes. JJ tensed up immediately, almost like she had flinched or something. The comment had been a blow, and she was guessing from the sounds of it, a repeated one. There was something else in those eyes she had studied so closely. Something that caused JJ to open her mouth to say something but she stopped herself. There was something under the surface. And as she had seen before, JJ was closing herself off again. Emily began to think there was more to this than anyone in this room knew.

''Oh that's right! What was I thinking?''

Garcia giggled playfully. She beamed toward Delilah who laughed as she wiped her hands on a dishtowel and leaned in to kiss JJ on the cheek. JJ however still didn't look impressed, not that Delilah noticed.

''Okay baby, we need to go to the store now if we want everything done in time. We'll be back soon okay?''

JJ nodded silently and Delilah moved around from the kitchen and into the living area.

''Ready?''

Garcia nodded as she grabbed her jacket and waved toward JJ and Emily as she followed Delilah out of the apartment. It was somewhat awkward when they were left in silence in the wake of the other two women. Emily stood where she had been, almost rooted to the spot. She had never felt uncomfortable in JJ's apartment and she refused to now. She was here to make sure that the blonde didn't have a rough time. She was here for JJ.

''Sing.''

The brunette said breaking the silence that had floated over them for a moment. JJ looked up, face full of surprise and caution. But peaking out underneath those was temptation.

''What?''

Emily shrugged lightly and smirked every so softly.

''Get it out Jennifer. I know you're holding back. So let it out. Sing.''

JJ looked at Emily as she stalled. How did she know? How could she possibly have guessed? Just from that one interaction? Just from her reaction to Delilah's comment? But she hadn't said a word. Though this was Emily. She was astutely keen, always aware; she now knew quite a few things about her that no one else did. She couldn't be so surprised that she had picked up on this.

JJ didn't feel the same stalling that she used to when she was younger. The thought of singing in front of someone had terrified her. After hearing that there was no point over and over again, and the disinterest in anything other than her soccer and studying, she had just stopped. Only singing when she was alone. But this was Emily. She didn't need to fear Emily. The brunette respected her; she wanted her to do this. And JJ knew it wasn't for Emily's sake, the brunette wanted her to do it for her.

The blonde wiped off her hands and moved around to stand in front of the island. Despite the fact Emily gave her confidence enough to sing she was still a little shy about it, it had been a long time since anyone had heard her. Her hands slipped into her pockets and she rocked a couple of times on the balls of her feet as Emily moved nearer and pulled out one of the stools at the island to sit on opposite her friend.

''I haven't done this in a while…I mean, in front of anyone.''

JJ whispered almost timidly. Emily smiled softly.

''Take your time.''

JJ nodded and ran a hand through her hair for a moment as she cleared her throat. She didn't know what to sing, but as she drew in a breath one song in particular popped into her head. She didn't know why but she went with it. She knew it, she liked it, and it was a good song. She was stood in front of Emily, and she knew she was safe.

''_It's late in the evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear. _

_She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair. _

_And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?" _

_And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful tonight."_''

As Emily suspected JJ had really been holding back. It shocked her just how much. It really shocked her how her girlfriend of 5 years didn't know she could sing like that. JJ's voice was…well…it was amazing. She held every note perfectly, she really felt the words, it was beautiful. It was so raw and powerful. The blonde had closed her eyes, and the hand that she had ran through her hair with gently moved with her tone. It was definitely a talent. One that was astounding. Emily had figured maybe JJ could sing but there was singing and then there was _singing_. Yet again the blonde had awed her and now she had heard just a little she wanted to hear so much more, all of the time.

''_We go to a party and everyone turns to see _

_This beautiful lady that's walking around with me. _

_And then she asks me, "Do you feel all right?" _

_And I say, "Yes, I feel wonderful tonight."_''

Emily sat straight up, mesmerised by the words and the voice behind them. Momentarily she forgot everything apart from JJ and this very moment. JJ opened her eyes a little and looked straight at Emily.

''_I feel wonderful because I see _

_The love light in your eyes. _

_And the wonder of it all _

_Is that you just don't realize how much I love you._''

Emily swallowed hard. It was only for those particular lines that JJ kept her eyes open and looked right at her. Was she telling her something? Was it meant for her? Or was JJ just seeing her reaction?

''_It's time to go home now and I've got an aching head, _

_So I give her the car keys and she helps me to bed. _

_And then I tell her, as I turn out the light, _

_I say, "My darling, you were wonderful tonight. _

_Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight."_''

JJ breathed in slowly as she finished the song and Emily watched in continued fascination as she did. The blonde didn't move, didn't open her eyes yet, as if she needed a moment to be able to. Finally though, as she did start to see those shining blue orbs of hers she offered her a genuine smile.

''That was beautiful. You're beautiful.''

This time JJ did know how it happened. This time there was no whiskey involved. No horrific case with personal harm. No dogs. It was just them in her living room where they had been together many times before. Only JJ had never sung for anyone in this room, or her apartment as a matter of fact. And the only woman she had kissed here until this moment had been Delilah. Until this moment.

Because right now she didn't need to reconnect to feel human like last time. This time she had just wanted so badly to kiss the brunette that it had become overwhelming. She had made the decision and had stepped forward, taking Emily's head into her hands and kissed her. And like before it wasn't a small kiss. It wasn't hesitant or soft or fleeting. It was an open mouthed, wanting, deep and languid kiss. She wanted to explore Emily's mouth without the numbing of liquor in her own. She wanted to taste her. She wanted her to feel what she felt.

And what she felt was right. What this felt like was right. There didn't seem to be another reason for being right now other than to kiss Emily Prentiss like there was no tomorrow. And JJ was eternally grateful that Emily kissed her back. Not in the same way as last time, but with every ounce of want and feeling as she was making clear herself. Emily's hands had moved to her hips and the warmth of her hands seemed to burn through her clothes.

This may have been so wrong, but it was so right at the same time. JJ didn't want to let go. This feeling was so pure and this kiss she could feel to her very core. She could feel it in her bones. She didn't want to relinquish that. Because when she did she knew it wouldn't be real anymore. She knew all the complications that were waiting like hounds baying at the door. She knew she had walked over that line like it or not, and she didn't know what kind of willpower she had left anymore. She owed Delilah her life, but she wanted Emily so badly.

''JJ I…''

JJ shook her head softly. There lips were still touching each other's, their breath fast and hot.

''Don't. Don't say anything. It's okay.''

Emily didn't say anything further but she accepted another kiss. A little slower this time, but just as deep. She realised upon the first kiss that she had been longing for this as though she had been holding her breath. The chance to kiss JJ again. To taste her mouth and feel her against her. Her own hands sought skin and snaked under JJ's t-shirt, reveling in how soft and warm she was.

''What do we do about this?''

JJ asked lightly as she leant her head against Emily's. She didn't move away from her yet. She couldn't, she wasn't ready to. Those hands from her back moved up to stroke through her hair.

''I honestly don't know.''

''Do you know what you feel? Besides…well, this?''

Emily swallowed again.

''No. Do you?''

JJ shook her head.

''No.''

They were both lying. But they were both telling the truth too.

XXX

It was uncomfortable to sit through the painful caterwauling of the man on the stage who was clearly drunk and emotional, trying his best to stagger through the bars and lyrics of a Neil Diamond song whilst swaying and tilting so far that JJ was cringing in anticipation of the inevitable toppling over. The large, inebriated man paid no attention to the snickering and yelling from faceless and nameless people in the audience. Not so much not paying attention, but completely oblivious to it. As though they didn't exist, he just got up there and tried to sing to his hearts content.

She had to give him a little credit for that. Maybe he was too drunk to care, but maybe he just didn't care what people thought. Maybe he just needed to get up there and sing his heart out as best he could, whether he was tone deaf or not. Maybe whatever was plaguing his mind enough to get so drunk needed to come out like that. He could've been proving something to himself, or remedying something. At least he was brave enough to.

JJ couldn't help but envy the man in some warped way. He was well-dressed, clean cut, even hansom in a weird way. He was clearly a businessman. He had that look. He had a wedding ring on too, but JJ didn't see anyone he seemed to be singing to in the audience. He had come alone. Maybe that was the reason he was getting drunk in a crappy karaoke bar and swaying up on stage as he droned out the words. Maybe he was trying to vent some emotional disturbance with his spouse. She could relate to that, almost.

Delilah wasn't her spouse but she might as well have been. JJ knew that the Detective had their life all planned out. All it needed was the kick-start of the transfer to D.C from Baltimore and it would all happen. She had caught her lover looking through apartment listings, even a few house listings. The other morning she had been debating which would be better. A bigger apartment or a house, a house would be more but it would be an investment for their family. At that point, JJ had almost choked on her orange juice and quickly declared she was going for a run.

Family? She had started to seriously think about a family? It had always been a floating issue. JJ had never been overly comfortable discussing family. She had done, but now more than ever it seemed like a subject that made her heart thud and her lungs grind so she couldn't breathe. It felt like as soon as the word came up, she was backed into a corner somehow. To her family was a long way off. But to Delilah, it was already here. A foregone conclusion. She had come from a big family; it was a big thing for her. However as much as JJ loved her own family, everything that had happened within it had made her cautious of having her own. She knew she wanted kids, maybe, someday. But not now. With Delilah, she couldn't help it, but not ever.

Plus there was her work. She loved her job; she gave everything to her job. She had fought to be respected within the FBI. She had put in the effort and the hours, the blood sweat and tears, to build up a damn good network. To forge connections with people so that they would come to her. She worked hard to be respected by the people that were above her, the people she had to make reports to and sell reasons to when she went to bat for her unit. And then there was everything that happened out in the field. Harrowing things, heartbreaking things, and downright evil things. The things that could crawl into your head in the middle of the night and infect your dreams, turn them into nightmares. The things that could keep you awake for hours, days even. Each one of them opened up to a million evils, but they did it for a reason. They did it to help, even just a little. They did it because they believed in something. And JJ knew that when it came to it, Delilah would expect her to just walk away from it. JJ knew that it was a foregone conclusion to the Detective that she would be the one to give up her career to be the perfect housewife. And JJ didn't know if she could be that for anyone, ever. It wasn't that she thought it was beneath her; it just wasn't who she was.

And then, of course, there was Emily. Emily that would never expect her to be anything she wasn't or didn't want to be. Emily that didn't even attempt to put her into a little box, that looked right inside of her and let out whatever had been closed off in there.

JJ glanced across the table to look at the brunette. The brunette that she had kissed only hours before. And despite the food and the drinks, JJ swore she could still taste her in her mouth. Could feel her lips still ghosting against hers, making her lips tingle. What she wouldn't give to just walk around the table and kiss her again right now. But she couldn't. Emily wasn't hers, and she wasn't Emily's. As much as she wanted to be, she wasn't. She couldn't be.

Could she?

The blonde lifted up her beer and took another long drink. Those thoughts had started to drift into her head more and more lately. It was compromising everything she felt, everything she thought she was. It was making it hard to breathe. She still couldn't make head nor tails of her feelings, but she was beginning to feel everything. Was she just the product of what her parents, copying what they had displayed to her? Was she scared about her future, reacting in a way that would sabotage herself? Did she love Delilah like she thought she had all these years? Did she really feel anything for Emily?

She looked at the woman in question again, trying to figure out what she felt, and of those things, were they real?

The things she couldn't deny were the things like today. Emily had known, just known, that she could sing. Despite Delilah and Garcia's joking, she hadn't assumed. She had looked at her, saw her, and just known different. She had been there for her, time and time again. Every time she needed someone, Emily had been there. She had known about the butterflies, she had known about the dogs, she had known about everything. She had been there to lean on. She didn't belittle her, personally or professionally. She loved to listen to anything she had to say, whether it was significant or not. She loved that she loved music so much; she loved to hear her stories, and hear her jokes. Emily had been there when she could have unraveled and she had given herself over to be held onto. She had kissed her, knowing exactly why it happened. And tonight she had kissed her again. Seeking nothing more from her, expecting nothing, demanding nothing. JJ knew Emily wanted her, but out of respect she wasn't pressuring her. She was just there for her, whenever and for anything.

That morning, when they had woken up together on Emily's couch, it had just been nothing short of perfect. Waking up with the older woman against her, her arm around her, so warm and comfortable. It was as though their bodies had molded around one another, fitting perfectly. Her body was desperate for that feeling again. And that was a dangerous feeling.

JJ flinched a little as her girlfriend blundered into her thoughts by not only slipping her hand around her leg to hold the inside of her thigh, but also laughed loudly along with Garcia and Morgan. The three of them had been cackling and joking away together since they got here. In all honesty they were all edging toward drunk. It was one of the reasons that JJ had first hoped that Emily would come along with them. They tended to get drunk and loud, and cast judgments on the people that got up to sing. Delilah would get up, then when he was just drunk enough Morgan would go with Garcia's coaxing. Reid never got up, so he usually sat with her throughout the whole night, trying not to cringe like she did. However, he and Emily had been talking for the past half hour about some comic book or other, which was sweet. JJ had been content to just sit back and watch, zone out, listen to the caterwauling of the drunk businessman.

''Don't.''

JJ pushed Delilah's hand away from her, making the Detective look around in slight surprise that she had objected.

''What's wrong?''

''Nothing. Just don't.''

''Jenny…''

''Stop calling me that.''

It wasn't the strongest objection she had ever mad, but for some reason she didn't feel angry she felt hurt. JJ sighed as she looked down for a moment, not wanting to see the look on her girlfriends face. Any maybe more so, not wanting Delilah to see the guilt in her own eyes. Despite her confusion, her questionings, and despite their less than stellar relationship right now, JJ knew that it had been wrong to kiss Emily.

''What's the matter with you?''

JJ scoffed and looked up with a frown of irritation at Delilah's immediate indignant response. It wasn't concern; it was that damn arrogance again.

''Nothing is the matter with me. I don't like it.''

''Since when?''

''Since always.''

JJ snapped. She was aware that their friends had looked up from their conversations. While Garcia and Morgan looked weary and almost suspicious, Emily and Reid looked supportive. The drunk businessman had stopped singing now, and since there was no volunteer to sing at the moment the band were just playing to the crowd. Voices drifted, laughter rolled over from some areas and glasses clinked.

''Yeah okay, whatever.''

''Do _not _whatever me.''

And there came the anger.

''What the hell crawled up your ass to put you in a bad mood? Jealous that guy was better than you or something?''

JJ huffed, drawing her head back slightly in reaction to the insult. It felt like a slap in the face, in all honesty. Maybe she was being a little bitchy, maybe projecting her guilt, but she didn't deserve that. For the whole 5 years of their relationship she didn't deserve that. To be overlooked in such a devastating way.

Clearing her throat JJ looked over toward Emily. She could tell that the dark haired woman was seriously unimpressed, angry even at Delilah's behaviour. But those deep brown soulful eyes of hers looked right back at her, speaking to her in their developed silent language. Firstly calming her down, telling her that she was right here for her. And also giving her enough confidence to actually do what she was thinking of doing. Spurring her on, telling her she was good enough, that she'd be there for her and she should do it. Telling her not to hold back.

''You know what…''

It was a mutter really to herself, though everyone heard it as she put her beer down and stood up, the look of pure determination spreading across her face. JJ walked away from the table, her heart thudding against her chest because it knew what she was about to do. But if she could handle a bunch of reporters day in and day out, she could handle a room full of people. She could sing, and though she didn't like to in front of people, she was determined to prove that she could. To prove who she was. To let out something she shouldn't have had to keep locked away.

''What the hell is she doing? She's just going to humiliate herself.''

Delilah exasperated with a pissed off frown.

''Why don't you just give her a chance?''

Emily interjected, the lilt of anger mixed with a little disdain. She glared across the table with maybe a little too much obviousness that she did not like the younger woman in front of her. Right now though she didn't care. She deserved the rude awakening that was about to come her way.

''A chance to do what? She can't sing!''

''You know that for a fact, do you?''

''I've known her for five years, of course I fucking know. She's my girlfriend.''

''Well maybe you should start paying a little more attention to her. You might know her a little better then.''

''What the hell do you know? You've known Jenny for what, 5 minutes? Stay out of it.''

Emily quirked an eyebrow.

''Well _Jennifer _and I are friends, and maybe you've gotten a little too complacent with her Delilah. Maybe you all have.''

Emily glanced particularly at Garcia and Morgan. They really hadn't helped the situation any. She knew they loved her but why couldn't they see that she was unhappy too?

Before anything else could happen however the host of the bar introduced JJ on the stage. She looked good up there, a little shy and embarrassed at the light applause for welcome and encouragement, but good. What half surprised Emily and half didn't, was that JJ had walked on with one of the guitars that people could use. She looked comfortable with it, like it was just natural. JJ was definitely full of little hidden surprises. Things that she had kept safe and tucked away. It made Emily feel both pleased for her and proud of her right now, as she was about to do something like this. Expose a side of her that she had carefully protected.

It was a little hard to see anyone from the stage, but that kind of worked out a little bit for JJ. However, she could catch a glimpse from their table and once again she looked over toward Emily. Emily who was smiling and still encouraging her and being there for her. Making her know she could do this, because she was capable. And JJ didn't know why all of a sudden, that she had ever held back, it wasn't her.

Closing her eyes JJ steadied her nerves and let her fingers take over, strumming the strings of the guitar. Once it started, it just took over naturally. She barely heard the hoots from the crowd as she did it.

''_The dawn is breaking _

_A light shining through _

_You're barely waking _

_And I'm tangled up in you, _

_Yeah_''

Emily was lost in JJ's voice again. The workings of her guitar. She could honestly listen to anything she sang for the rest of her life, quite happily. She did however, take note of the shocked faces of the four others around her. They were completely bowled over. Reid looked not only surprise but happy, with the edge of a smile on his face as he listened. The others looked shocked in a different way though. Maybe for two particular FBI employees a little guilty.

''_I'm open, you're closed _

_Where I follow, you'll go _

_I worry I won't see your face _

_Light up again _

_Even the best fall down sometimes _

_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme _

_Out of the doubt that fills my mind _

_I somehow find you and I collide_

_I'm quiet you know _

_You make a first impression _

_I've found I'm scared to know _

_I'm always on your mind_''

The profiler desperately wanted to believe that JJ had picked this song for a reason, that the words were meant to speak to her. It wasn't so hard to believe as the blonde opened her eyes again to look over toward her for those lyrics in particular. Was she saying she knew how much she thought about her? About what she'd like to do? Was she saying that she was falling? In more ways than one? Not just that she was falling when she was supposed to stand strong by her girlfriend, but maybe, just maybe, it was an indication about what she felt? Emily found herself starting to want that. But it also scared her too. How JJ had so deeply wove herself into her entire body, and her mind, Emily didn't know. But she was helpless to stop her and even if she wasn't, she doubted she wouldn't wanted to.

''_Even the best fall down sometimes _

_Even the stars refuse to shine _

_Out of the back you fall in time _

_I somehow find you and I collide _

_Don't stop here _

_I lost my place _

_I'm close behind _

_Even the best fall down sometimes _

_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme _

_Out of the doubt that fills your mind _

_You finally find you and I collide _

_You finally find you and I collide _

_You finally find you and I collide_''

There was a massive round of applause from the audience as JJ finished. After briefly opening her eyes half way through she had closed them again, but as she opened them once again she blushed as she said thank you and wondered off the stage, taking the guitar off from around her and handing it back to the host before trotting down the steps and weaving in and out of tables back toward her own. She said thank you politely to a couple of people as she passed by, and couldn't help but smile, seemingly a little proud of herself. There was definitely a little glow about her that she hadn't had before she had stepped up there and sung.

''JJ that was amazing.''

The blonde smiled at Reid's earnest compliment as he stood up and gave her a hug.

''Thanks Spence.''

Pulling apart and turned around to Emily who had stood up behind her. Without even thinking about it she leant forward and hugged her too, wrapping her arms around her neck and pulling her close. She wasn't in the least bit bothered if it looked suspicious or not. She just needed to hold her; she had been the one to give her enough confidence to do something like that.

''Thank you.''

''Always.''

Emily gave her a little squeeze, and reluctantly they drew apart. There was a difference between two friends hugging and two friends hugging for much longer than necessary. She had been comfortable with Spence and Emily. But turning to the others she felt awkward. Even facing her best friend she felt awkward, and her girlfriend. Because she'd never once let onto them, and they had been mocking her for all this time. Even though it should have been them feeling awkward, she still couldn't help it. She knew her own strength, she did. She knew how good she was. But it had always been made insignificant and it was hard to just let that go within a couple of hours. But this was a good start.

''JJ, I take it all back. That was tight my friend.''

Morgan apologised in his own sincere way, his hand on his heart. He was always first to admit when he was wrong and JJ respected him for that. She smiled and accepted his hug too.

''Thanks Morgan.''

Before she knew it, as they pulled apart, JJ couldn't help but huff as Penelope flung herself at her, almost knocking her over. She could hear the mutterings of her friend as the quirky blonde had buried into her shoulder, and she smiled as she hugged her back. The muffled 'I'm sorry's' turned into one never ending sound.

''Penelope, it's okay! Breathe! And let me breathe!''

JJ eased her friend's extreme grip into a looser one and laughed when Morgan put his hands on Garcia's shoulders to pull her back gently. The analyst looked a bit sheepish, it was actually sweet. JJ just smiled and leant in to place a kiss on her friend's cheek, signifying that everything was fine.

However, as she turned to her girlfriend, she didn't even get chance to speak. Delilah turned on her heels and walked out.

''Back in a minute.''

JJ muttered, sighing as she walked after her girlfriend. She supposed she could have broken it to her a little more gently than getting up on stage like that. But then, it had been 5 years, she shouldn't have had to do it like that anyway.

''Hey!''

JJ called after the brunette as she pushed open the door and followed her into the night air. Delilah spun around, clearly worked up as she flailed a hand in the air.

''What the hell was _that _Jenny?''

''What was that? That was _me_ Delilah!''

The younger woman laughed a little in shock and even a little bitterness as she tried to figure out still what had just happened and where it had come from.

''5 years. 5 fucking years and you do this now?''

''Yeah, I do this now. Because you never once bothered to ask me. You heard me humming in the shower _once _Delilah, back when we started. And ever since you've just presumed and put me down. You hate my music, you think you know something about me and it becomes almost a law unto itself. Do you know how that makes me feel? That you're so damn arrogant to look past what _you_ think to know is true? You take absolutely no notice in anything I do. The singing, the playing, soccer, anything! So I stopped, and I shouldn't have. You had no right to make me feel like that.''

JJ ranted, flailing a little herself now as the words just came up from seemingly nowhere and poured out. Or not nowhere. They were coming from somewhere. A place that she had been shoving down and fighting because that's what she thought she was supposed to do. But as she yelled the words, she knew they were right. She shouldn't have pushed down anything about herself, and Delilah had no right to make her feel like she had to. She was a strong women, independent and smart. She couldn't' believe she had let it happen.

''Don't put that on me, don't you dare. I've never done anything put love you and protect you. And this is how you repay me? I almost _deid _for you JJ!''

JJ scoffed lightly as she looked down for a moment and ran her hand through her hair.

''Don't bring this into it. This hasn't got anything to do with that.''

''It has _everything_ to do with that! I gave you my life and you can't even tell me you sing? You tell Emily who you barely know? How is that fair? I'm the one that stepped in front of a knife for you, remember? You wouldn't be alive if it weren't for me. You should treat me with a little more respect than you did in there tonight.''

JJ grit her teeth lightly, trying to keep her calm as she sniffed slightly and pushed back the tears that had threatened to come out. It always came back down to that didn't it? The defining moment in her life, in both their lives. The pivitol aspect of their whole relationship. And obviously what Delilah believed to be all she needed to do to gain anything she wanted from her.

''You know what, Delilah? Fuck you. I never asked you to do that for me. I have thanked you in every way possible for saving my life and you still hold it over my head. Well here's news for you baby. I've had enough of it.''


	9. Chapter 9

A/N - again, sorry for the time gaps, we're working on shortening those! I do have chapter's ready, they just need reading through to correct my many many mistakes! So working on that, this hasn't been beta'd so all mistakes, as normal anyway, are mine. My lovely beta reader who happens to be the lovely Maggsie who is my lovely girlfriend is run off her feet at work...seriously...sometimes I forget what she looks like!

XXX

''I love you. So much.''

JJ didn't know what was happening to her. She didn't know which way was up or which way was down anymore, but it didn't matter either. She didn't need anything to hold onto except for the woman that was wreaking such heavenly pleasures upon her. Touching her all the ways that the blonde had ever imagined. Even the simplest of touches making the ethereal arousal catapult throughout her body, devastating it with exquisite pleasure. It was everything she had ever thought it would be. Everything she had ever conjured up within her mind.

''I love you too.''

The young FBI Agent didn't even realise that she had been about to speak, her own words even seemed a surprise to her own ears. Her response was heartfelt and authentic though, obviously needed no prompting or thought to say those words that meant so much.

Everything was perfect. Too perfect, perhaps. Everything was right. Which must have meant that something was wrong. Something was very wrong. Something fundamental that she couldn't put her finger on. It was edging on her awareness, along the very periphery of her consciousness. There was definitely something that was wrong, or misplaced. But she was suspended within the glory of delight and her mind was too muddled to work it out. She couldn't work it out; if she had the inclination to push harder it didn't matter because her body was pulling her along with it. It was begging for release whether her mind was satisfied with its doubts or not.

Opening her eyes, the lightest of blue eyes looked up toward the antagonist, the conductor, of the feelings sweeping through her body. Emily's face was framed with her dark hair and looked back down at her with pure fascination. With shining brown eyes full of not only everything she had already shown her, but so much more. Revealed were the things the brunette had kept hidden, and exposed were the promises for so much more. Promises that somehow JJ knew would be kept. She felt them now, seeping into her as Emily moved inside of her.

It was as though a veil had been lifted. That she could all of a sudden see Emily's intentions. Not that the older woman meant to keep anything from her, but there were reservations. Reservations because of herself but also because of their circumstance. _Her _circumstance.

It was far too late to figure it out now. Within the second her mind began to reel at the truth of the situation her body plunged into a ripping orgasm that wreaked havoc with her senses. Made her eyes screw closed as she had no choice but to follow the release, drown in the slamming effects of cumming so hard. She gasped and jerked, breath strangled as she momentarily lost all sense of herself.

However much her body, the betrayer, had needed that release as the fog cleared just a little her mind reeled. JJ swallowed hard because she was trying to force herself to accept untruths as truths, trying to prepare herself for the shattering of her dream. Was it a dream when you were fully awake? Was it an hallucination? Was it punishment?

Punishment for her ill deeds? A warning to tread no further? A sign of things to come? The traces of the self loathing she was dangerously on the boarders of slipping into?

Whatever it was it was sealed with a physical act and she had no choice but to experience it. To come back to reality, as stark as it may have been. It wasn't the fantasy that had felt wrong, Jennifer worked out. It was the actuality.

JJ opened her eyes to meet it. To see that her suspicions were indeed true. It wasn't Emily that was above her, it was never Emily. Her vision had come to her aid. To take away the qualms about having sex with her own girlfriend. To trick her body into responding to her touches. To be able to give herself over.

She felt like a whore.

It was the first time since the incident at the bar. It has been almost two weeks and she hadn't let Delilah touch her once. They had barely kissed. Much to the frustration and irritation of her supposed to be lover. The woman that still couldn't understand why JJ had said what she had. They had spoken sporadically about it. In the face of such confusion JJ was stunned, the revelation even just to herself that all she had held as certain was not so at all. Those things she had been holding onto were prying loose. The very ground under her feet was crumbling. It was as though she had created her own fortress within herself and now it was falling apart.

Emily had knocked upon its door and now it was starting to collapse. Breathing out long held feelings that had been pushed down to the very pit of her being.

It had happened because of Delilah's insistence. Not only was she frustrated that all was not right she was just plain frustrated. The Detective had been making a considerable effort particularly in the past few days to get into JJ's pants and it seemed that this morning was her lucky day. She had been talking about things that scared JJ. Pushing her transfer request, finding an apartment, getting married. So she had done the one thing she didn't want to do, she had given in. Not only emotionally but physically. Because everything was fixed by sex in Delilah's world. Now she had been allowed entrance and free roam of her body JJ knew the younger woman would consider it a sign that everything was fine.

What did it say about a relationship when you had to convince yourself you were being touched by another instead of your lover just to get through the act?

XXX

The question kept on littering her mind even throughout the day.

After she had given herself over to placate her girlfriend, the situation, JJ had numbly gotten into the shower and tried to wash it off. But she couldn't have enough water to rid herself of her feelings. She had sat on her couch huddled up, hair wet, meant to be listening to Delilah talk about the future, about how everything was just oh so fine. Instead JJ had phased out. Starred into space, looking at nothing but contemplating everything. Questioning the very foundations of herself. She had vowed to herself, promised herself that she was not the same as her parents. That it didn't matter the upbringing if she changed everything. She had prided herself on being honest to a fault. Above reproach.

Now what?

Was she dishonest now? Deceitful? Everything she had run away from since her childhood? The things that had dictated who she had become, despite the fact that she resented it. She had spent her entire life believing that it had been her to make herself but really, had she just been kidding herself? Running away as fast as she can from the things she hated only to run in a full circle and collide with them anyway? Whatever the answer JJ wasn't about to lay off responsibility on her parents. They had done what they had done. She had her own freedom and choices, and she had chosen to kiss Emily. She had chosen to stay in the relationship she had been in for 5 years. The things she needed answering now were why. Why she had done the things she had done, what was driving her and what she was going to do about it now?

After Delilah had finally left JJ had dragged herself back up to get ready to work. Drying her hair and pulling on her clothes one by one. It was like pulling on a suit of armour. Today she had decided on a pretty stereotypical outfit for the FBI. Almost like she wanted to shed her identity, to get lost within the institution. It could be comforting sometimes. Her amour would protect her from herself. Help her to step away from everything that had happened in her personal world. In the FBI the personal world didn't matter. Once she hit that base, walked in through the front doors of the Quantico building and hit her floor, she wasn't Jennifer Jareau anymore. She was Special Agent Jareau. She was the go-too colleague. The hard worker who had piles of files in her office to work through, meetings to go to, phone calls and emails to answer, journalists to talk to. Hell even a couple of media corporations seeking information on the ins and outs for TV and film purposes. It was all left to her. She had masses of work to throw herself into, to consume her. A world of blood and gore and evil and death. A world of sick minds. Things she could help to stop. That was her purpose. And she was a professional. If there was one thing she could ever count on, one thing she could ever lean on, it was her job and her professionalism.

So she dressed in her suit of armour. She took her badge from her dresser top. Took her weapon and harnessed it on her hip securely. And she took a breath in, preparing herself for the day to come.

The day to come turned out to be distraction heaven. It was fast and chaotic and unmerciful, and it was exactly what she needed. To just lose herself in it, give herself over to it. Jennifer didn't exist but Agent Jareau was on top form. She had even managed to avoid pretty much all of her co-workers for most of the day. Aside from going into the bullpen a couple of times to toss files on desks, grab a junior Agent to tell him his report was sloppy, and check in with Hotch, she managed to hide either in her office, or on meetings in other rooms or floors.

She had set eyes on Emily three times. The first was during the morning. When her caffeine addiction had kicked in and she hadn't been able to resist stealing into the bullpen kitchenette to get one. The only problem was that Emily was there. Talking to Rossi, well, listening to Rossi and pretending to not watch her. But JJ had felt those eyes on her anyway. She had hastily gotten on with her coffee making and left without a word.

The twice after that were two of the times she had had to go into the bullpen for actual work. When Emily had been sitting at her desk working. One of the times the brunette hadn't seen her. JJ had managed to get in and out without being seen. She had noticed how good the older woman looked today. She was so beautiful. So irresistible. It wasn't just a question of her external beauty, the features that made her so beautiful, the way her body made her mouth water. It was everything inside too. It was the essence of Emily, her spirit, her determinism. Her openness and congruence. In some way she had an innocence too, and after all she had been through and all she saw that was extremely rare to have. She was so strong. Strong not just because she could strap on a Kevlar vest and kick down doors, take down unsubs and wield a gun, but also because she could show her vulnerability. If she trusted you, she would let you in. And that was strength too. JJ had been so wrong about her at first, about Emily not flinching. She flinched but she didn't let anyone she didn't want to see it.

That's why she was so beautiful. She was like air. Fresh and clean and impossible to live without. The question that was floating above all of the others now was could she?

''JJ.''

JJ turned automatically, though cautiously at the sound of the familiar voice. Clearing her throat, the young Agent lifted troubled blue eyes up to meet the eyes of her friend. The one she had managed to avoid for the entire day. Because if there was one person besides Emily herself that could see her thoughts and questions if she looked closely enough, it would be Penelope Garcia. And if there was one person that could stop her, it was Penelope Garcia. And at this point JJ didn't know if she had a choice left in her anymore. She thought that perhaps she had already made her decisions. Now she just had to force the feelings and questions and herself to catch up.

''Is there something you need?''

JJ asked lightly, a crack in her voice as she pushed away a strand of blonde hair from her face and lowered her eyes for a moment toward the floor. She heard the soft exhale of exasperation from the technical analyst and her stomach flipped a little in guilt. She was being cold, she knew it.

''Is there something I need? Jayj...''

''It's just, I'm on my way home Garcia. It's late.''

JJ lifted her eyes up again, resolved that despite her guilt and her awareness of her coldness she was going to pretend like nothing was wrong. Denial was a wonderful thing.

''Please JJ, please talk to me. I can help you. This doesn't have to happen. You're just going through a rough patch. Just talk to me.''

JJ offered Garcia a generic smile that came nowhere near meeting her eyes.

''Have a nice evening, Garcia.''

With that JJ stepped into the elevator that timely opened up behind her. She didn't look at her best friend as she pressed the button, shrugging the strap of her bag higher on her shoulder as she cleared her throat and rocked on the balls of her feet once as she waited for the doors to slide closed again.

She took the ride down, trying to think about anything but Emily. About the pressure that had slowly built, not just throughout the day, but this entire time. Starting from the very second she had laid eyes on her. Building with every second spent in the presence of Emily, and even out of it.

It was too hard to fight. JJ felt disorientated with it. Feverish, delirious in a way. She had never felt like this in her life.

''Drive home Jennifer. _Home_.''

The blonde instructed herself as she slipped behind the wheel of her car. She sat there for a few moments, just limp in the seat of her car. She stared at the wheel. Stared at her key sitting in the ignition. Finally she lifted her hands up, turning the key and starting the engine. Driving slowly out of the base. It took her every ounce of will power she had to turn left, and not right. Left was home, right would have been toward Emily's.

She managed to get home, but being in its safety did not alleviate the pressure threatening to reach boiling point and blow, ripping her apart completely. She did everything she could. She took a shower. She turned on her music loud. Walked the length of her apartment. She picked up her basketball and bounced it as she paced. Finally, she pulled on some running clothes and hit the streets, pushing herself to run harder and faster. Trying to burn Emily out of her very muscles. To force her out. To relieve the pressure.

It didn't work. The only thing it managed to do was create more pressure. She came home exhausted and burning yet still full of the feelings she had been feeling. It was like the very fibre of her being was gravitating to where she knew she shouldn't allow herself to go. So much that it hurt. Physically hurt. She tried another shower, hotter than the last this time. Scorching almost. Again, it did not work.

JJ was left to pace once again, trying her damndest to do the right thing. To be the person she should be, to do what she was supposed to do. She had no right to do otherwise. She had to do what was expected of her. What her relationship dictated her to do. She had to fight.

But the strength and the resolve to were quickly slipping away from her. Like sand slipping out from between her fingers, she had no control to keep them.

How could she fight against a power like Emily Prentiss? A natural force. A menace or a saviour? Here to free her from the cage that she had come to being realising she was in? Or here to make it that ever more complicated? JJ wasn't even sure if Emily even felt for her in any other way than loyal friendship and attraction. But she could breathe around her. She felt safe and independent at the same time.

''Enough.''

Something snapped. Something gave way. It had to happen, it was inevitable. She couldn't keep up the way she was going forever, it was impossible. Something had to give and it did.

Jennifer took her keys from the breakfast counter top, along with her gun and her badge. She may not have needed them where she was going but she was still an FBI Agent and rules were rules.

The road had seemed to pass like a drifting of mist on a darkened morning. She scarcely remembered driving her way across town toward Emily's apartment. She didn't have to think about where she was going, her body was on autopilot. It knew where to turn, where to head. And before she knew it JJ was pulling up outside the building and letting herself in. The security knew her now she had been here enough. They made no objection to her passing through to the elevator and getting in. She jabbed the button to Emily's floor and began to pace the small space silently as the contraption began to move. Taking her closer and closer to the woman that her entire body was craving, was humming for.

She had never experienced anything like it. Had never felt such urgency, such a dire need to touch and be touched. She felt ready to combust. Her throat was dry and her chest felt tight, her head hot and dizzy. She could hear the blood pounded in her ears, could hear her own breathing echoing there.

She didn't want to do this. She honestly didn't. She didn't want to be a betrayer. She didn't want to succumb to her urges, didn't want to let Delilah down so badly. Despite their problems she knew that the Detective did love her. She didn't want to be a liar, a cheater. She didn't want to be the monster in the relationship, the sinner. Already it hurt. But she couldn't stop. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. She felt like she was shutting down. Everything inside switching off one by one and the only way to revive herself was through Emily.

She had no choice. It was true and untrue at the same time. She could have done something, anything. Talked to someone. Stayed with Garcia. Handcuffed herself to the damn bed post at her home if that's what it took. But she'd had her chance. It wasn't that she had no choice; it's that she had made it already.

The blonde walked the hallway to Emily's door and knocked on it urgently. She heard soft music being switched off and a muffled series of noises before just as soft footsteps nearing the door. Her anticipation leapt into her throat, flooding through her. Just the thought of being with Emily was turning her on, making her blood boil and her skin flush hot. The core of her rippled and danced the dance of arousal, heavier and more consuming than ever before. Delilah and every past lover, seemingly paling in comparison to what Emily was making her feel. And she hadn't even touched her yet. She'd never laid a hand on her, save for those two separate kisses and the soft touches and hugs, and the time they had slept on the couch together. Never had she touched her in any sexual way, yet she was still causing this reaction.

''JJ! What're you doing here, is everything okay?''

Emily asked immediately in surprise then concern as she saw the flush across her friends' skin, the darkening of her eyes and the flickering of heat circling within them. JJ was breathing deeply, one hand gripping so hard around the doorjamb that her knuckles were literally turning white. Somehow, as soon as she looked properly into her eyes, Emily knew what was happening. It took a second for the realisation to catch up but when it did it slammed into her, hard.

''I can't do this anymore.''

''Jennifer...''

Emily didn't expect the blonde to step forward so quickly. Didn't expect to feel the blonde's hands on each side of her face before gloriously soft lips crashed onto her own lips. Emily was momentarily disabled. Unable to do anything but submit to JJ's demanding mouth, to yield to her wants. It wasn't that she didn't want this. God knew she did, so very badly. The more time she spent with JJ the more she became preoccupied with her. The more she was unable to stop her eyes from studying the tone of the blonde's body, the brightness of her eyes, the curve of her cheekbone, the softness of her mouth. Emily had turned studying someone into an art form, because she was pretty damn sure she could describe the details of JJ's skin perfectly. The only thing she could describe was the remaining skin that she had left to see.

And she had to admit that Emily didn't think she had the resolve in her to stop this. To explore every single inch of the divine body being pressed against her own. She had fantasised about JJ on more than one occasion, and right now they were already starting to pale in comparison. JJ had kissed her, sure. But this was different. She hadn't kissed her like this before, like it would be like going without air if she were to stop. The blonde was urgent and demanding and consuming, so very skilled and wondrously exploratory and eager. Before Emily had even realised what was happening JJ had flung them into an earth shattering kiss, all devouring and tongues roaming, open and wanting. Such its own forceful phenomena that the brunette swore she went a little light headed.

Emily didn't know what had happened to push JJ to her door tonight, but part of her didn't care. And she knew that technically made her the bad guy. JJ was in a serious relationship and Emily knew damn well that she shouldn't be stepping a foot near it. But this was Jennifer Jareau. This was the woman making her feel things she had never felt before and doing it without, so far anyway, involving sex. Emily knew she wanted to have it, but with JJ it was another level too. It still scared her, but she couldn't stop.

Delilah Forrester was her competition. Competition that she had already sized up, already assessed and thought about and analysed. Emily knew very little for certain but what she did know was that if she did compete for JJ's heart, then she would beat Delilah. She would find a way around JJ's defences and her belief that she had to stay with the Detective no matter what, and challenge and break down the belief that she owed her. The trouble was that Emily also knew that if she did win JJ's heart, she wasn't sure what she would do with it. She would have absolutely no problem loving this woman. Deep down a part of her knew she did already. But that's what scared her. She wasn't like JJ. She didn't handle commitment all that well, didn't know what to do with a heart that was given to her. She had hurt people and been hurt too, and she was trying to figure herself out in this harsh world they worked in. The question wasn't over JJ, it was over herself. And whether she would be good enough for the blonde. Better than Delilah, she knew that. But probably still not good enough for what JJ deserved.

Emily pushed all that confusion and questioning out of her head as she found herself to be thrust up against her front door. Right now none of it mattered. Her fears, JJ's girlfriend, the line of their friendship being crossed, none of it mattered. Right here and right now, them together, that mattered.

''Oh god…''

JJ enjoyed the flustered and cracked mutter that came from the brunette as she kept her pinned between her own body and the door. Currently kissing, nipping and licking along Emily's neck the blonde was in complete control, having the ever so composed Emily Prentiss at her mercy and will. She loved it. Emily was so soft and so strong at the same time. Her skin was warm and smooth and she smelt amazing. She sounded amazing. Her body against her own felt phenomenal like this, their breathing heated and the heat searing between them. She could feel it all coursing through her body too, its what Emily made her feel.

Taking the brunette's hands JJ lifted them up to pin them too against the door, her mouth continuing its festivities along a tilted and offered out neck, moving down ever so slightly to Emily's exposed collar bone to do the same before making her way back up toward that glorious mouth. They fell into a deep kiss once again, and JJ let Emily's wrists go free as the blonde moved them, one wrapping around the back of the younger woman's head as the other slid across her side, both pulling her closer.

''You have no idea how much I want you.''

Emily practically growled out against the blonde's mouth, letting her hands shift their positions to pry open the buttons of the blonde's sweater. She was on fire, her skin was on fire, making her believe that if she didn't touch JJ's with her own then she would literally combust. JJ laughed ever so lowly as she let her pull the offending item of clothing off and throw it somewhere else.

''Oh I think I can imagine.''

She really could. She already knew how much Emily wanted her. All of this had been building up from the second they had clasped eyes on one another. Maybe it was always going to happen. Maybe JJ had been torturing herself and finding excuses for it not to in vain. She knew how much Emily wanted her because her want for Emily was parallel. JJ looked the brunette in the eyes, those almost black, stunning eyes, as she began to yank the open shirt off of her, eager also to rid the pesky indulgence of clothes in order to expose and explore skin.

They fell into their kiss again with reckless abandon, fighting for dominance as hands began to roam eagerly. Once JJ had managed to rid Emily of her shirt, she began to pull out the white top that had been underneath from the woman's jeans, making no effort of pulling it up over her head and tossing it into the apartment. It left Emily in only her bra, black as JJ had suspected. Immediately their mouths met again, JJ's hands possessively roaming the heated skin she had just exposed, gliding up to quickly push her palms against full breasts, making Emily moan into her mouth as she squirmed slightly on the spot.

She was so fucking hot, so fucking beautiful. JJ could hardly contain herself at touching the brunette, her breathing hitched and faltered and she was practically shaking. There was so much bottled up that it was making her quake, just the sheer thought of touching Emily like this and JJ was ready to explode. And already she could tell that she could spend a lifetime getting lost in Emily's oblivion. Happily so.

It was JJ's turn to be rid of her vest now, and she swallowed as Emily's hands smoothed over her skin, closing her eyes momentarily as the feeling washed over her. She had never been so aroused, she was so ready, every inch of her pulsating, begging for release. God she was so, very, wet. Wet for Emily, ready for Emily. She opened her eyes, regaining her senses again as she attacked Emily's mouth with gusto, moving to unhook her bra and let it fall down between them, hands eagerly returning to cup bare breasts, making both of them gasp and moan at the feeling. She had Emily squirming against the door, head pushing back into the wood as she squeezed and teased, rolling already hard nipples till they became even harder. And she left the heat of Emily's mouth to dip down so her mouth could engulf the left nipple, sucking and rolling circles with her tongue, making Emily groan loudly in pleasure, her hand gripping into her hair tightly, urging her on. Not that JJ had any intention of stopping.

Emily had begun to lose it. She had honestly never been pushed so far with only this having happened so far. She had always been a fan of foreplay with the right person but dear god it had never been like this. JJ was already touching her in exactly the right places in exactly the right ways. Her pleasure drunk mind was on overload, her world now only in sensation now. She still burned to touch JJ too, her hands leaving their grip on silky blond strands and easing down to JJ's own bra and undoing it quickly, fingernails immediately raking up the length of a smooth back. She enjoyed the vibrations of JJ's moan around her breast.

As soon as the bra was out of the way, JJ's hands moved to hastily begin to undo Emily's belt. That fucking lop sided belt buckle drove her crazy. It made her think about fucking Emily all the time, because it always gained her attention. Whether Emily knew it was sexy or not, it worked like a charm on her. She couldn't wait any longer. And she knew Emily couldn't. This was going to be fast and furious. They could indulge on exploring later, they could fuck into the small hours of the night, but right now they both needed a quick release and no more teasing. They needed that pressure valve to vent.

JJ brought her mouth back up to Emily's, popping the buttons of her jeans and rushing down the zipper as their mouths fused once again. Emily's hands pushed into the back of her jeans, slipping inside to mould around her ass, pulling her closer still. JJ moaned lightly before pushing her own hand into the front of Emily's pants, her fingers moving beneath her underwear and delving into heated and wet folds welcoming her.

''Oh fuck JJ…''

Emily choked out, gripping onto the blonde for dear life as she tried to absorb the feeling of the younger woman inside her. She couldn't believe this was happening but she was so damn glad that it was.

''Emily…oh shit. Fuck!''

Emily could barely understand what was happening. Besides JJ's voice, and her own as well as her heavy breathing, she could hear a dull rhythmic echo. She became distressed, alarmed even, as JJ drew away from her, and Emily began to realise what that noise was. It was JJ's blackberry.

''Don't.''

The one word carried the pleading she felt inside, she didn't want this to stop. They were so close, she was so worked up.

''I have to, it's work.''

JJ pulled away, governed by her loyalty to her work. It wasn't as though her duty to it had never interrupted before. There had been more than one occasion where it had destroyed her night with Delilah, and definitely on more than one occasion that it had called in the midst of sex. JJ answered every single time. Just like she was doing now, because that was the burden she had taken on by stepping into her job. The others didn't get it, they were called at odd hours sure, but it was nothing compared to her. JJ would work under the radar. She would accept the all hours calls and work on how to make it so she didn't have to call her team until a reasonably decent hour.

As she stepped away the blonde felt cold, shivered even. The loss of Emily body, the heat she provided, the bursting of this bubble let everything come rushing back at her. The entire day hit her all at once, the whole concept of having feelings for another woman, of betraying her girlfriend that loved her. What the fuck has she been thinking?

JJ turned away from Emily, unable to look her temptation in the eye as everything slammed back into her. It wasn't Emily's fault, it really wasn't. It was hers. It was her mistake, her sin, her betrayal.

''Jareau.''

Her voice was still husky and shaky and she hoped to god that Hotch didn't notice.

''_What_? When? Is he okay?''

From the shock and concern in JJ's voice Emily knew that it was serious. She was still put out for being interrupted like this, still a little petulant about it, but she couldn't do anything about it now. It was over. And with the crashing of reality, the brunette knew that it had hit JJ hard. She had never turned away from her like this for anything before. And that's what made a lump form in the brunette's throat. JJ had stepped over a line and Emily knew that it was going to hurt her.

''I'm on my way.''

JJ hung up, lifting a shaking hand up to run through her tussled hair. As though all of this wasn't bad enough, wasn't confusing enough, but now this? Now a murder at Gideon's place? It was a lot to take in. Timidly and guiltily JJ looked back at Emily who was still against the door. She couldn't hold her eyes for more than a second, instead she ducked down to grab her clothes and start putting them on.

''Something's happened. It's Gideon.''

She offered the silent brunette who she could feel was still watching her. She couldn't bare it. She couldn't bare her newfound title of cheater. This was such a deceit to her lover. It hadn't gone all the way but it had gone far enough. She had intended to let it go all the way. She couldn't do this. She couldn't handle it. Everything was starting to crack and crumble and she had no idea what to do. She felt like she was holding onto a dead weight, trying to keep it afloat and breathing.

''JJ…''

''Don't!''

Emily stopped short, even jumped slightly at the anger and guilt in JJ's voice as she snapped at her. The blonde had dressed exceptionally quickly and Emily moved as the blonde headed for the door. But as she opened it, the younger woman hesitated and looked back a little, still unable to look Emily in the eye.

''I'm sorry.''

After that she was gone. The door closed in her wake and she was just gone. Emily stood there, her breath still ragged and her body slowly trying to come down from its high. She blinked as she tried to work out if what happened had been real or a dream. Tried to push down the sudden flare of fear because this would affect the best friendship she'd ever had. She didn't want to lose JJ, but the whisperings in her head told her that this had terrified the blonde.

''_Shit_!''

It was her own phone that began to ring then, and bit by bit the composed Emily Prentiss began to push things into her neat little boxes. Began to filter it out. She couldn't worry about this now, it had to wait. She too was a slave to her job, and one of their own was in trouble. She didn't know why yet but it didn't matter, they were a family.

JJ would have to wait.

XXX

''Conflict of interest – there's no way they'll ask for our help.''

JJ was used to the ways of local authorities. They seldom liked 'outsiders' on their turf, usually begrudged having to ask for the FBI's help. She had dealt with all the drama's and tensions before. Had to sweet talk her way around sensitive situations and police pride. They weren't bad people. But turf wars were turf wars. They might have all been on the same team but they still stuck stringently to their corners. They might have all carried badges, but those badges came in different shapes and sizes. JJ had to admit that some of the FBI was less tactful and subtle about lording it about over police and simply taking jurisdiction. But they had a different policy. It was all tact and negotiation when they got involved. That was of course, they had no other choice and too much was at risk.

But right now the police had closed ranks. Officers glanced at them with deep suspicion, like they were all responsible for this butchery because it had taken place in the home of one of their own. Not just an Agent, but also a legend. Jason Gideon's reputation reached far and wide but right now he was not a trusted man. And neither were they to be trusted either. Their hope of getting in on this investigation was slim to none right this very second.

''Which he needs badly right now.''

''Well who spoke to him last?''

''I did about two hours ago.''

JJ folded her arms across her chest as a chill ran down her spine. Not just at this situation. Not just out of the worry for her co-worker, mentor, and dare she say it, friend. And not just because she faced the blood-splattered bedroom where the mystery woman's lifeless corpse laid. But also because Emily had stepped into the apartment. JJ had known it before she had even seen her, but as Emily stepped into her visual range JJ shuddered again and had to suppress the memory of the brunette's body. Instead she focused on this. And she had a looming feeling, like something heavy was hanging over their heads, about to fall at any moment.

As the questions kept being posed, mainly to Hotch, JJ noticed that Emily remained close. She didn't begrudge her that. Not right now. Not when they were all so uncertain. All looking toward Hotch for answers, to understand and be told what to do. Like looking to a parent. He knew Gideon best, and they had never been in this situation before. They were all remaining close, it wasn't just Emily. And to be honest, the brunette comforted JJ too.

She broke away however to quietly sneak some photo's of the crime scene. No one ever really suspected the blonde 'girl next door', and she was very good at doing things under the radar. She thoroughly captured everything and sent them to her best friend before calling her. She expected to be greeted with questions about her night. Garcia had been anxious earlier about her going home alone. Or rather, her not ending up alone. She had expected Garcia to ask if she had changed her mind about staying with her, but instead she was greeted with the usual bouncy and unique wording of the quirky analyst who had apparently been out on a date. JJ mused for just a second that she must have been willing to cancel that for her earlier, it was nice to have friends like that. However, the current situation prevented her from thinking about it for long. Or for Garcia's lightness to remain in her voice.

JJ left the crime scene behind with the images of Gideon's friend carved up like that. She had seen hundreds, maybe thousands of bodies during her four years in the BAU. Would see so many more. But there was always something so chilling about a personal connection to a body. It wasn't hers, or anybody else's except Gideon's. But that was enough for them all.

Along the way she got updates from someone. None from Emily. Reid mostly, along with Hotch and Morgan sometimes. They had figured out that Frank was back. There was that explanation for that looming feeling. Frank had beaten them the last time. He had been a step ahead at every turn. And now he was back and it was more personal than ever. The good news was that Gideon had made contact. Garcia was driving to get him so JJ knew she would be alone when she got to the office. She had never minded working alone. She cursed herself a little for hitting Emily's speed dial rather anyone else's, but that professional suit of armour she had used earlier in the day, it was back. It was something she could hold onto, that she could used, to get the job done. So she set about her work to go through their files and recreate the list that Gideon had savoured that now was in the hands of one of the most prolific hunters they had come across. That, and liaising with Washington MPD and getting Jane and Frank's images out to them and also to the media. The quicker they were located the better. And any lead was better than nothing right now.

The lead they got however was one they didn't want. One that horrified them all. It wasn't supposed to be like this. They had done their job. They had saved Rebecca before. In another personal case. One of their own had been hurt then too. Elle had taken a bullet in her own home, like Gideon had lost his friend in his. It was insane. It was terrifying and it was so unfair. Rebecca was supposed to have her second chance, she was doing okay now. Until Frank.

XXX

Emily sighed as she lowered the phone, having been effectively cut off by a terse blonde on the other end of the line. She had tried to ask JJ if she was okay, given that a girl they had already saved was dead. Given everything. But she had been met with that well constructed iron and steel fortress wall of JJ's.

The brunette bit her bottom lip lightly as she pushed the phone into her pocket, wondering when everything had gotten so damn complicated. Wondering when it had stopped being okay to comfort her friend, or to try and seek solace in her for herself. Emily had never been an especially vulnerable woman. She had her moments of course, everybody did. She felt so much so intensely that it could be exposing just to mention it to someone. But with JJ being vulnerable and exposed had never been that difficult, or that frightening. Until tonight. Until she had let JJ take control of her, let her cross a line, let her feel and touch and see and taste the things that made her up. Only to be cast aside. She wondered momentarily what would have happened if this wasn't happening. If they hadn't have been interrupted. Would the blonde have had a moment of clarity and bolted or would they still be consumed with each other in the still of her apartment? All she knew was this was happening. And now, she did feel vulnerable with the blonde, in a way that made her so very uncomfortable. One by one she felt her own steel reinforced barriers start to lock everything up too.

''Em, you spoken to JJ?''

Emily snapped out of her daze and turned her head to the side to look at the enquiring Dr Reid.

''Yes.''

She snapped bluntly, making the young man waver in his step briefly, his eyes dropping from her instantly as he was met with a disgruntled reply. Emily closed her eyes and sighed, holding up a hand.

''I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap.''

She opened her eyes to look at him, and though he looked like a wounded puppy still he gave her a weak smile.

''It's okay.''

''No, it's really not. I didn't mean to snap and you didn't deserve it. Especially not now. But I did speak to JJ, they're holding Jane for us.''

Reid nodded as he noted that Emily still had a small frown across her forehead and her eyes were pushing something out. It was like she was struggling. He could be oblivious sometimes but he could tell that something was bothering her that wasn't connected to the case. Something personal. They all had lives too, he figured something must have happened in hers before they had gotten this call. But he remained quiet for now. Probing Emily when she was in this mood would be hazardous to his health, he knew that much. And now wasn't the most appropriate time.

XXX

''You don't choose who you fall in love with.''

JJ had been watching her. Watching at how good she was with Jane. The woman was tormented. Had been tormented and broken for so many years. The confused and driven crazy lady that had been consumed by that one defining experience so long ago. It had become her life's focal point. Not only hers, but Frank's too. It was like they had had a silent relationship. Obsession and sickness warping and bending into some kind of grotesque love.

By all accounts Jane had been lonely and broken before. Driven mad by her inexplicable almost murder when she was young. The blanks and hazy memories had been filled in with paranoia that had grown stronger, until she had found out the truth. She thought that Frank was her guardian when really he had been prepared to murder her. The only reason he didn't was because somehow, through all that confusion, she had shown him no fear. She had become to him a component of his Mother. Having nowhere else to fit in however, she had gone with him.

Now though, looking into her eyes, watching the sadness that travelled inside of them, it seemed she had broken further. That somewhere inside all of that confusion Jane knew the truth. Understood that Frank was not a loving man, he was a bad one. One that inflicted pain without mercy, without remorse, and who would not stop. And she was conflicted by that, because she still felt that odd connection to him. That warped love. Because it's all she had. It's all her life had been since their paths had crossed.

It wasn't just Jane that JJ watched. It was Emily too. It was hard not to. She didn't think about the experience they had had only hours before, but just about her presence. The way she handled herself. The way she handled Jane. They seemed to connect somehow. Jane barely looked at Hotch or herself, but instead remained fixed on Emily. She responded to her. There was something about Emily that Jane obviously found comfortable enough to reach out to. To wade through the things in her head to try and give her the answers.

It didn't surprise JJ. Whether she knew it or not, Emily was an open person. Maybe at first someone could possibly hesitate on whether they could turn to her or not. But if they did, they didn't for long. There was just something about her, some air or presence. Emily could be awkward and clumsy sometimes and a little socially lacking, but those things weren't lasting. Those things were imposed by Emily, not dictating to her. There was a humble nature about the older woman. And JJ suspected that growing up as she had had somehow made her go the other way to the rest of what most of the social elite did. Instead of following in footsteps and taking on the persona of the rich high and mighty Emily conducted herself in the complete opposite manner. It was one of the things JJ respected her for. She didn't centre her life around money. Emily had a lot of it, everyone knew that. But she worked hard, she cared, she wasn't some spoilt rich kid looking for glory, she was in it. Just like they all were. She really was confident, but JJ sometimes thought that the lack of confidence, particularly in the social setting, was because Emily had imposed it on her personality. It curbed any chance of her getting too cocky and loosing herself into something she didn't want to be. And to do that, you really had to be exceptional. And Emily Prentiss certainly was.

She was also crafty. The brunette didn't look up, or make any movement whatsoever, but JJ heard and felt her heart thud, as the words were spoken. Spoken to her, as well as to Jane. Two messages in one simple sentence, ever the linguist.

Emily was trying to let her off the hook. Even now was trying to provide her with comfort by telling her that it was okay. That she didn't get a choice on who she loved. Though it did make JJ squirm just a little, because Emily wasn't just taking the presumption that she loved her. She just knew. And that was something that JJ found hard to admit to herself let alone her. She couldn't love her, it just couldn't happen. She had Delilah. But then of course, that was the next part of that little message there. You don't choose who you fall in love with, but when it came to Delilah, JJ really had. She hadn't fallen in love; she had chosen to believe she had fallen in love. Out of duty and compassion. And although it might have felt real for a while, as much as she did love Delilah in a way, it wasn't what it was supposed to be. Because love wasn't supposed to be constructed. You weren't supposed to choose it. It choose you.

XXX

''_JJ_!''

Spencer Reid squeaked as JJ shot across another lane in the traffic. He trusted his friend he really did. Her and her driving skills alike, but all the same he really didn't enjoy zooming through evening traffic so fast.

''Can you please slow down?''

He begged, his knuckles turning white as one hand gripped onto the handle on the door and the other wrapped around the edge of his seat. The sirens were blaring and currently a very determined and stark JJ was tearing her way toward New York. Her knuckles were a soft white as she gripped the steering wheel, intense blue eyes focused on the road ahead. It seemed almost effortless for her to weave in and out of the lanes, overtaking anything on the road.

''No.''

Came the curt reply. Reid gulped as they swerved another car.

''Frank is at the train station, Tracey isn't in any immediate danger.''

He tried to reason.

''_You don't know that_!''

The younger man drew is head back quickly. This was the second time tonight that he had been snapped at by a member of his team, a friend. Emily had snapped but this? He was unaccustomed to JJ snapping at him, even less with her yelling at him. She was like the big sister he'd never had, she looked after him. Plenty of times she had stopped Morgan from teasing him with a slap or a pointed look or glare. Reid didn't know how she did that but he was often relieved she could. He wasn't used to her like this. Even in the most intense of situations she very rarely lost her cool, and she had never yelled at him. Something was wrong. Something was off. He could sense it, he just didn't know quite what. But there was one little voice in his head telling him that this had something to do with Emily.

''Spence, I'm sorry. It's just…we saved her already. I held her in those woods and she was so scared, and so relieved. God knows what she must be feeling now. I'm not about to let her down. He can't have another one, they're ours.''

JJ didn't take her eyes off the road but her voice softened a little for her apology before returning to a tone full of resolve. That really was the reason that she was hauling ass right now, but a tiny self-indulgent part of her wanted to right a wrong for today. Doing what she had with Emily had been wrong, but if she could save a little girl, didn't that turn the tables? All that mattered is that they got to that girl, she was probably terrified. And she'd be damned if Frank was going to get his way anymore.

XXX

Emily was speechless. Honestly speechless. She didn't think she had seen anything like it. She had seen the fear in Jane's eyes, the realisation that she held somewhere in her confused mind about the man that she 'loved'. There had been so very many things that were telling her to run. She had run to them. Fled from Frank and right into their arms. He had tried to kill her, again. But all of that, it just didn't seem to matter. She had escaped this life with him in the most final of ways. Taken such a leap of faith…such a leap of love, that left them all unable to register what had happened for a moment.

Emily couldn't understand it, but at the same time, she could. Her whole life had been about Frank, she had known nothing else. And no amount of intervention at the end was going to break that. She loved him. Maybe not love in the sense that most people knew it, but she did. And as warped as it was, he said he loved her. They knew it wasn't possible, but life was strange. They had taken that leap together, as a couple. Just in the most twisted way possible. This wasn't a love story it was a tragedy. But in a way, Emily could understand them. If you truly loved someone, you'd be prepared to give them your life. Even if that meant ending it.

It was another couple of hours before things got sorted. After the commotion at the train station was settled the team slowly began to collect themselves too. JJ had called to let them all know that Tracey was safe and she had been checked out and was perfectly fine. Except being cared and tired, and a little thirsty she was in good health, and grateful to her rescuers once again. They were bringing her back home to her parents, and knowing that a little girl was safe again gave everyone some solace. Even to Gideon, who was more withdrawn and empty than anyone had ever seen him. Understandably.

It had been a rough couple of days. Personally and professionally. After everything Emily just wanted to crawl into a hot bath with some wine and then fall happily into a coma. Her body was exhausted and wound up, both from the other night with JJ and everything that had gone on. She wished she could just pushed it away, all off her shoulders so that she could be free of it for a while. She desperately wanted to just go back to normal with her best friend, to just have everything be okay. But Emily knew it wasn't going to work quite like that. They still had to talk, they still had to face up to things and work through their respective feelings, and the brunette thought that she was beginning to get a sense of some things too.

With Gideon shut in his office, and Hotch being called up to Strauss' office, everyone was restless. Everyone felt the weight of the case, the loss that had been suffered. Each of them silently understanding, and trying to make it better. With the last of the paper work and the distributions being done, they were finally able to leave and take their weary selves to any sanctuary they saw fit. Morgan tossed the baseball in the air a couple of times before getting a mischievous smirk, eyeing up the unsuspecting Dr Reid. As Emily passed him, Morgan threw the ball to the bumbling genius, JJ flinching behind him knowing that it was unlikely that he would catch it and aware of the possibility it could hit her instead. However, he did catch it, much to his delight and shock. They all laughed at his triumphant cheer, feeling better because of his childlike joy. Especially as Emily reached out to grab him and he flinched and dropped everything, making everyone laugh harder.

Knowing where JJ was headed, Emily jogged up the steps and hesitated slightly, still laughing, as JJ came up the stairs too. They looked at one another, momentarily suspended in this bubble. Neither of them thinking about their personal circumstances for just right now. Instead, they made a couple of teasing comments about Reid as they walked toward the briefing room. Emily was first in, and JJ strolled past her lightly as she went bout collecting some files and putting others down. She didn't notice right away that Emily hovered by the door, not until she heard it click shut anyway, and that's when she looked up.

They held their gazes for a moment, just silently looking at one another. No anger or guilt swirling in their eyes, no silent language, just holding each other's eyes. That was until Emily cleared her throat, looking down for the briefest of seconds, before she looked up again, a wave of almost knowing and determination dancing across penetrating eyes and a beautiful face.

''Delilah did something for you, didn't she? I mean…not just anything. Something life changing.''

No one had really told her anything about the circumstances of JJ and Delilah's relationship, but after this case, things seemed to begin to get just a little bit clearer in her head. All this angst JJ was putting herself through, it was happening for a reason. Because Jennifer Jareau was honest to a fault, and there had to be something so drastic, so life changing, to make this happen. To begin it and to stop it.

''She saved my life.''

JJ confirmed softly, nodding lightly. She knew she owed Emily any explanation she wanted. After what had happened JJ knew that the brunette was bound to be feeling a little vulnerable, she would have in the same position. Maybe it would be different if it had gone all the way, or hadn't at all. But having it get so far to come to a screeching halt, that was making it worse.

''It have anything to do with that scar on her abdomen?''

The older woman asked, still with a soft and light voice. It was almost like this was just a nice conversation between friends. One confiding in the other. Which in a sense, it might have been. Or could have been. She didn't really know what they were anymore.

JJ cleared her throat as she nodded, pushing her hair back a little as she moved to lean on the edge of the table facing her.

''We had only been dating for a little while. We were just having fun, things were going well. One evening we went out and I don't know if it was just bad luck, or a bad group of guys or the wrong bar we ended up in, but it ended in violence. Everything happened so fast, sometimes I can't even remember it properly myself. Fighting broke out, and we got hurt. And all I know is that this one guy had a knife, and I didn't have my gun. And Delilah saved my life. She took a knife for me, knowing that anything could happen to her, because if he had gotten to me he would've killed me.''

Emily bit her lower lip lightly, just studying JJ's frame as the blonde looked down for a moment as the memory of what she was talking about must have caught up with her.

''She loved you.''

JJ nodded once.

''Yes.''

''Did you love her?''

Emily supposed she probably had no right to ask that. This happened long before her arrival and what went on in JJ's relationship technically wasn't her business. But it was. It had become her business, somehow it just had.

JJ looked up at the older woman quickly, the whiplash of hurt freshly stinging within her eyes. The blonde remained silent, she couldn't face the truth out loud yet. She couldn't face it inside. But the pouring of emotions sank into her chest deeply, threatening to make her lungs and heart seize. Almost as if the silence, the insinuation, was too much to bear, her shoulders shrugged weakly.

''I don't know.''

She admitted hoarsely. JJ wanted to tell Emily that she had loved Delilah before that night at the bar, but she couldn't. She couldn't honestly say yes, though she couldn't honestly say no either. She had an inkling on which one it was, but that was so very painful to think about.

Emily nodded and looked down at the floor, frowning a little as she thought. It seemed clear to her. Clear that Delilah did love JJ, enough to risk her life that night. And it was so very easy to convince yourself that you loved someone in the face of that kind of bravery. That kind of blatant love. She had seen the scar on the Detective, it wasn't a mild cut. It was deep and it obviously had been severe. And perhaps JJ had loved her, perhaps she had been working up to loving her, who knew? The younger woman before her seemed to be confused over the issue but Emily didn't know if it had always been like that, or if it was just her presence and seeming temptation that was making JJ question herself.

All she knew was she had never been in this kind of position before. Never had such a deep tangled web of feelings and questions.

''Do you love her now?''

She finally asked. JJ looked at her, choosing to remain silent.

''Do you…do you love me?''

The profiler asked unsurely, even nervously. She didn't dare look at JJ as she asked, and instead tried to stop the pounding of her heart just in case it could be heard. But movement from the blonde made her look up slightly, watching JJ step closer to her.

''I have feelings for you, Em. Strong one's. Feelings that I shouldn't have at all. Right now I just…I don't know anything. There is so much going on in my head. I need some time to think. What we did…what _I_ did…was wrong. It crossed a line and I've betrayed the woman that's been in my life for five years, and I betrayed you too. And right now it's eating me away and I don't think anything is going to get solved quickly. I need to do some serious thinking.''

Emily's heart was still thudding against her chest, she thought even harder than before now. She didn't object as the blonde reached for the door handle beside her. However, JJ hesitated for a moment.

''I heard you, Emily. When you thought I was asleep, I wasn't.''

JJ knew that Emily would know what she was talking about, and as she turned her head to look back at her she knew the brunette had instantly known she was talking about after the Henkel case.

''I'm sorry.''

The younger woman added.

''For what?''

''Hurting you.''

''You haven't hurt me JJ.''

JJ nodded.

''I wish that were true, but I know I have. And I'm going to again, because you know that I'm going home to someone else.''

''Yeah well, she's your girlfriend. She did a hell of a thing to earn that and she knows what she wants. She's ready, ready for a life with you, that doesn't scare her. I'm not ready, you deserve more than what I could give you.''

JJ opened her mouth to reply but nothing came out. She frowned slightly, trying to work out what it was Emily wanted from her if it wasn't what Delilah did. It hurt too.

''It…it'd just be physical? Just the sex?''

She whispered in a numb essence of shock.

''Yes.''

Emily knew it wasn't true. It wouldn't just be the sex because it wasn't just physical. She felt for JJ too, and yes she even loved her. But she still didn't know what she could offer, still didn't feel ready. In her mind JJ deserved better than that, even if better was Delilah. At least the Detective loved her, more than life evidently. She had proved that and whatever issues their relationship held perhaps they were just temporary? Maybe she hadn't helped whatsoever, and if JJ thought she didn't feel for her enough to be with her, she would stay with Delilah and they would work everything out and be happy.

She didn't make a move to stop JJ from walking out of the room. As the blonde exited something inside Emily twisted and dulled, there was a pain in her gut and she felt like she couldn't breathe. All she could do was keep telling herself it was better for JJ.

And if all of this wasn't enough, Section Chief Strauss did not make life any easier or any simpler. The last thing Emily was expecting when she had been called into the dragon's den was to be asked to serve up the BAU's dirt on a silver platter. The realisation of why she had been put in the unit to begin with hit her hard. It made her feel like a fraud.

Emily felt trapped. She felt as though if she told any of her team, if she told Hotch, then they would blame her. Would think that this was her intention all along. Hotch had thought she had come here with an agenda, and no doubt if she confessed to the meeting in Strauss' office he would take it as proof, and not trust her after she had worked so very hard to try and be trusted. To be part of this team. She didn't know what the hell to do, and that was a terrifying feeling for her.

The worst part was she couldn't talk to her best friend about it, because JJ was keeping her distance after what took place between them in the briefing room. And if there was ever a time she needed her best friend, it was now.

XXX

JJ was exhausted but she had made the commute from her home to Baltimore anyway. She didn't need to think about the journey anymore it had just become instinctual. The blonde had travelled these roads many times before. Sometimes it served as the only time she got for herself, gave her chance to think and feel and be herself. Sometimes she was fretful on this drive, sometimes happy, sometimes it was reluctant and sometimes it was eager.

Tonight there seemed to be nothing but a slow, dull buzz in the back of her head. Today they had spent half the day in the office finishing off some things, talking to superiors after the events of the last case. JJ had virtually barricaded herself in her office, her sanctuary. Only appearing here and there for coffee and paperwork. Emily hadn't looked at her once. She had been quiet and withdrawn, hunched over her desk and trying not to look at anyone. JJ hadn't asked why, assumed that she too was in a state of emotional numbness.

Now the blonde found herself in Baltimore once more, bag in hand as she keyed Delilah's front door open. The place was nice, though smaller than hers. It was comfortable though, though Delilah didn't tend to fuss over her place as much as JJ knew she did hers. Despite that she was often away from it, the blonde liked her apartment to be just so. Delilah had no such bother, and treated it more like a place to crash before heading out again. JJ sometimes liked that and hated it at the same time. Hated it because it could make her girlfriend lax in its upkeep and that annoyed her when it happened in her apartment, but it was also slightly endearing because Delilah was so streetwise. She liked to be out there, living it up on the busy streets of the city. She liked to be active and alert.

Right now though, as JJ walked through the door before shutting it again, things seemed still and warm. The sidelights were on and that always created a soft glow that was particularly soothing. It smelt like Delilah. For the past few years it smelt like home. JJ had never really felt out of place here. Sometimes it got hard at work living out of a go bag, but it had never really gotten to her when she came to stay with her lover. She had her own space for things and if she forget anything it was no big deal, because Delilah made sure she always got two of everything. She could be really thoughtful like that.

Which just made this harder. The smell of home made it all harder.

JJ dropped her bag, rooted to the spot as she couldn't stop the sting of tears from welling up to glisten in her eyes. God she was so tired and so confused. She didn't know what she felt anymore, didn't know who she was anymore. She had never realised how exhausting uncertainty was. So right now she just wanted to let go, she wanted to feel again. She wanted to feel safe and secure and loved, wanted to feel how she had always felt. How she had always felt about Delilah until that one fateful evening when she had met one Emily Prentiss. JJ was certain that's when everything had changed. When her life had fallen apart.

''Jenny?''

As she was shaken softly at her shoulder, JJ blinked and Delilah came into focus. She had completely zoned out, and between entering to an empty living room and now her brunette girlfriend had obviously come through. She looked deeply concerned as she kept a soft hold on her shoulder, almost like she was afraid to let go.

''Hey, are you okay?''

The younger woman asked softly, still peering into JJ's eyes. JJ just looked at her for a moment, not knowing what to say. How could she have done what she did? How could she let everything get so messed up?

''I'm just so tired Del.''

Immediately as the cracked and emotionally hushed statement came out Delilah pulled JJ forward and wrapped her arms around her. It was instinctual, it was protective and loving and nurturing. And for the briefest of seconds JJ could breathe again. She held onto her girlfriend tightly, burring her face into her neck as she couldn't stop the tears anymore. Delilah felt so familiar, and the Detective stroked through her hair as she held her. The blonde knew she didn't deserve to be held like this after what she had done, but she so very much needed to be. Delilah was the only thing she had known for 5 years.

''C'mon baby, let's get you into bed.''

JJ didn't argue as she let Delilah lead her into the bedroom. Soon enough after changing and slipping into bed, whilst holding onto the Detective as she whispered reassurances to her and stroked her hair, JJ fell asleep.

The only thing she could think of was that she had gone crazy.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N Hello again! Thanks to all those that sent me feedback, much appreciated and if I haven't gotten back to you personally, sorry about that. :) This hasn't been beta'd so all mistakes, as normal anyway, are mine. My lovely beta reader who happens to be the lovely Maggsie who is my lovely girlfriend is run off her feet at work...seriously...sometimes I forget what she looks like! Also been asked to drop this line - cheers :)

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XXX

It was wonderfully peaceful here. Had always been wonderfully peaceful here. Her town had always offered up tranquillity that she had never managed to find anywhere else. She supposed it was the nostalgia of home. Part of her, her essence or her soul, it still remained here. Anchored to the ground. Anchored to the trees, the very air and sky that belonged here. She had been raised here. Right up until she was 18 years old, and had departed with a walker's backpack and a holdall for college, never to truly return to this tranquillity.

The smell out here was something entirely different to the smell of the city. Even to the smell of the quiet suburban neighbourhood that she had come to settle in now. There was something so unique, so vividly fragrant here. She had been all over the country and out of the country, but there were a scant few things that could possibly beat the smell of home. The smell that had surrounded her as she had grown up here. It was the distinct and comforting and she found herself missing it at the oddest of moments. It didn't make her discount any other smells but sometimes she found herself longing for the smell of home to bring her a little solace when she was feeling particularly vulnerable or down. Even at her age she got a little homesick.

And right now she was in desperate need for a little solace and comfort. For some clarity on her life, and on herself. What better place to seek it than the safety of open space.

JJ had learnt to ride horses in the paddock at the side of the main house, and had subsequently broken her arm when she'd had a rough landing when she was 9. She and her siblings had played water tag around these fields, armed with a water rifle each with food colouring that their parents gave them so they knew who had gotten who.

She had lost a sister here, at far too young an age. And she had gotten lost in the thick of the woods when she was 12 after having a fight with her Father, and it had taken almost all night for them to find her.

At the grand age of 15, she had lost her virginity to her first girlfriend Stevie, seeking privacy inside the barn where she had never been caught then or anytime thereafter. A million and one things had happened here, and every time she looked around her parents' land, or the land around them, she could bring up a memory or two. It was almost like this land was a tapestry, portraying the first 18 years of her life that had been etched and sewn into it.

JJ had often related on how much she missed home. Sometimes, when they were out on a case, she would be lost in stories about her childhood. Sometimes when she was upset, or down, or just plain missed her family, the pain throbbed so hard it made her dizzy. No one lived closer than 4 hours away, and sometimes that could be incredibly lonely. Particularly when the one you were supposed to love, the one she had thought she loved, even lived an hour away. She had always been on her own.

It had been her choice though, she had worked hard to gain herself a scholarship to college and she had left for Pittsburgh and then Georgetown to make her own way in the world. She had never regretted that. There were many things in her life that she would regret, but leaving home had never been one of them, despite how she could miss being there.

She needed to do her own thing, she needed to help people and use her abilities and be part of something that helped get killers and rapists and child molesters. She needed to do her part and that's what she was doing. She wouldn't be who she was without that. And even though right now she was questioning herself, she knew that no matter what, it had been the best thing for her. No matter what happened in her personal life, she savored her professional one, and it was simply a part of her. It was who she was. Ultimately she and every other person in this town knew she needed more than the towns limits to run in. She needed the world.

''You miss it, don't you?''

JJ blinked, coming out of her reverie at the sound of another voice. A deep voice that approached behind her. She had come to settle on the edge of a long deck, more like it should be a small dock of sorts. It sat at the side of the acre of land in front of the house, down near the bottom. No one had ever figured out why it was there. It looked like it was supposed to be a jetty of some kind but the nearest water was the lake past the wood.

Nevertheless it was there and it was often used. Like now, JJ sat on the very end of it, her legs dangling off the edge, just looking out across the land and the edge of the woods down the hill. The sun was new in the sky, golden morning rays bathing everything in sight making most things glow. It was breathtaking and JJ could remember countless amounts of time when she had been young that she would get up early to come sit out here and watch the sunrise.

Turning her head just enough to catch a glimpse of the man walking toward her, JJ nodded softly. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she faced the sun. Her hands were wrapped around the large coffee mug that was almost empty now, legs still swaying as they dangled off the edge of the deck.

''Yeah, I do.''

As her brother got closer and was therefore easier to see as his figure blocked out the sun, JJ looked up and scoffed, rolling her eyes as she screwed up her nose a little.

''It is _far _too early for that sight, Prior.''

She teased lightly, still scrunching up her nose at her big brother. He immediately grinned, a sort of self satisfied grin as he patted his stomach proudly and inhaled deeply.

''Well when you're ripped like this you gotta show it off!''

He declared playfully, making JJ groan and roll her eyes.

''Oh that's nice. Real nice. That's a therapy bill right there!''

The blonde teased back as she snickered and shook her head. Although JJ did know that her brother wasn't an egotistical guy. He wasn't smug or arrogant or anything like that, he was just joking around. Prior wasn't the kind to be anything other than reasonably humble. He knew what his strengths were, and he knew he was an attractive man.

Since JJ could remember the girls had always swooned over him, pawed over him, basically done everything they could to hang off his arm. Prior though, he had never been too bothered. He had always set his eyes on one girl. The girl that he had married a couple of years after graduating high school. The only reason he worked out like he did was because he wanted to, plus he worked the farm and that was a workout in itself. But she and her siblings always had to tease him about strutting around like he did.

Like he was now, simply wearing some cotton sleeping pants and that was it. Even his feet were bear. His short light brown hair was ruffled up a little though, indicating that he hadn't touched it since rolling out of bed.

Prior chuckled as he moved down to sit next to his sister, mirroring her position by dangling his legs off the end. He took in a large deep breath as JJ sipped some more of her coffee, and for a moment they just sat there in silence. As many times as JJ could remember coming out here at dawn, she could remember Prior doing the same thing. Sometimes they would talk, sometimes they would just sit there in silence, watching. It had always been there thing and whenever she was here they had a habit of keeping it up.

''Ever think about settling back here?''

The older man wondered lightly, still glancing down over toward the woods edge before flicking his eyes to turn onto his little sister. JJ took in a slow breath as she shook her head, looking back at him with that honest and earnest look she had always held.

''No…''

She breathed out quietly, tucking an errand strand of hair behind her ear.

''You know I love it here, I really do. And I do miss it. Being away from you guys can be hard.''

Prior listened as JJ continued to explain, frowning softly but thoughtfully as she did.

''So why'd you go? How come you don't want to come back?''

He enquired. JJ let her eyes linger downward for a moment, trying to give Prior an honest and real answer. She knew he had always been a little confused about her choice to move away. She had been the first to leave, and he had watched her work hard to do it.

He'd been angry at her sometimes and they'd had arguments about it. He thought she was running from something and he couldn't understand it, he thought she considered herself better but she never had. He had even accused her of running away from their sister's memory, from the life they had shared too briefly with Tarrin. In their many early morning talks her moving away had often been the topic, and eventually he had let it go and believed her when she said it wasn't about the family or the town rather than herself.

''I don't belong here Prior, I never did. We all know it. I needed to be different…and different doesn't always tend to go down well here. And this work I do? I need to do it, I can't leave it. I have a life out there, and that's where it needs to be. I'm trying to do the best I can, and I'm trying to do right by all of you too. And all I've ever wanted was for you to understand that. Understand me.''

Prior sighed softly, ducking his head as he let her words sink in. She had always been different, he knew that much. Everyone had known that much. The way she would look at people, or look into space, you could tell that she was looking right through something, _into_ something.

You knew from the glowing in her eyes that there was a fire constantly burning there, but remained a mystery to everyone. Prior knew it could be hard to be different here, but it could be done. It wasn't the fact that she was gay that made her different and he knew that's not exactly what she was talking about. Although, there were of course a few grumbles around town about it. It was just her. It was why people were drawn to her or threatened by her.

He remembered their parents having to go down to school because JJ's idea of getting into trouble was to correct their English and math teacher, not in a cocky way but because she held value on something being right. She had threatened the teachers after that, and she'd been given a hard time because of it but it had never really fazed her. She'd stood up for something, and she knew it had been the right thing to do. Its kind of what she did now.

''Jenny, I'm not sure if anyone understands you. I don't mean that badly, but you've always been the elusive one, always had something behind your eyes. I love you, and I respect you, but I'm not sure I'll ever really understand you.''

He admitted, still keeping his eyes downturned toward the ground. He didn't want to see his sister's eyes at that point because he didn't want to see the hurt there. Because he knew her well enough, knew that she'd understand but still be hurt by that. But it was the truth. He'd always been honest and so had she. And his whole life he had been trying to truly get to the bottom of Jennifer Jareau and he had never gotten there.

He knew her, could feel her like he felt their sister and brother, including Tarrin, and their parents. They were connected and always would be and ultimately they would always be close. One of the things he valued about his relationship with her was that it was an honest one, they had always been straight with each other and whatever needed to be said was said. Ultimately it bound them together more than if they told each other what they wanted to hear.

''Is that why you never got to grips with my job? Because you couldn't understand why I wanted to do it?''

This time Prior did look up, his strong jaw fletching slightly as he took in a quick breath.

''I couldn't see how someone like you could fit into that world is why I didn't understand it. I can understand anyone wanting to protect people, wanting to help them. But you doing it like that? There could have been other ways, less dangerous ways. But you're so headstrong.''

JJ scoffed and smiled, sighing as she nodded and scanned the horizon slowly.

''Yeah, I am. But that's not why I do it Prior. I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone. I do it because I can. I'm good at it. I can't just stand back and know what goes on out there and not do anything about it. And that doesn't go to say that I think it makes me better or anyone else wrong for not doing it. People do what they need to do. And I need to do this.''

Prior lifted a hand up to scratch the back of his head, ruffling his hair as he did and sighed in thought. That made sense; he could wrap his head around that. He had just always had difficulty with the fact that his little sister was in so much danger so often. That she was exposed to things in this world that belonged in nightmares and horror movies, that she had to burden herself with using her weapon and one day would have to look her children in the eyes and explain why it was that she had taken a life.

''I worry for you. I know you don't need protecting but I'm your brother…it's what I'm supposed to do. I failed once, I don't want to again.''

He ground out with a little frustration. JJ inched closer to him, leaning in to push his shoulder with hers.

''You've never failed anyone, I can promise you that. Not anyone, including Tarrin and particularly not me. I never said I wanted you to stop being my big brother. I need you to be like that. It's you that gave me the courage to be myself, you know? I always looked up to you, always. You made me honest, you made me learn how to stand up and do something. You gave me my conviction, taught me how to be strong.''

''Yeah?''

That was possibly the closest thing that JJ had come to hearing Prior squeak, the thread of barely held in emotion running through his voice as the meaning of what she was saying settled in. JJ nodded, moving her hand up to the other side of his head to pull it down so she could place a kiss on his temple.

''Yeah.''

She knew she didn't have to elaborate any further; it was better left simple, as the rest of what she had said was enough. Maybe now, just maybe he could settle better with all of that. She understood why he felt the way he did, had never blamed him for it. And she knew he had difficulty with the things she had to be prepared to do. Like killing someone or wounding them, coming into contact with evil.

It wasn't exactly a great aspect of her job and she didn't enjoy it either, but it was something she had accepted when she had signed up.

''Funny, I always envied you for that. I always wanted to be as strong as you.''

Prior admitted eliciting a look of surprise from his sister.

''What?''

''You never seemed to get taken down by anything. All that being different stuff? You used it, you made it into something. Every time you hit the ground you got right back up and hit back harder. Every curve ball you got thrown you coped with.''

JJ ran a hand through her hair as she blinked and shook her head.

''You're talking about the girl that has messed up her life in so many unbelievable ways I should get a medal for it. The truth is I don't even understand myself most of the time. I envy you; you always seem to have it so together. You're so happy with Helen, the kids and everything, and I want that too. But right now, god Prior, you wouldn't believe the shit going on in my life right now. You wouldn't even recognize me. I have made such a fucking mess, and I don't know where to start with any of it. I don't know what I feel anymore, and it terrifies me.''

She ranted quietly, unbothered that the crack of emotion pierced through the morning lull she had been feeling. She couldn't restrain it anymore, and she bit her lip as her slightly trembling hand lifted up to wipe tears from her eyes. She thought about all the complication and drama, the uncertainty and hurt. Everything had turned so sour, so incomprehensible. She didn't even trust herself anymore.

''Jenny, just talk to me. I'm here to help. Things aren't going well with Delilah right now?''

Prior put a hand on his sister shoulder, frowning in concern as he watched her well up with such emotion that she shook. She was a calm person, or at least, she was extremely good at hiding things like this when she wanted to. But it was so raw, so painful; that it almost slammed into him it was so tangible.

''Understatement. I just…I don't know how to deal with it. I've done things I swore I wouldn't, and I don't know who I am right now.''

''You're you, Jennifer. You've always been strong, and like I said, stubborn. I may not understand you but I've always been proud of you. You do so much for everyone else, its not surprising you lost sight of what you wanted for yourself. But you're still you in there. Things may be messed up a little and you can't see things properly yet, but you will. You always do. You'll find your path, sometimes you just need a little time to accept that you know what you need to do.''

JJ swallowed hard, still fighting to control her emotions. She leant into her brother, closing her eyes for a moment and just letting the air pass by. God she hoped he was right. Was this something she would understand with time? Would she find the answers she was seeking up here, whispered to her in the rustling of trees? Could she be like Prior, the only one of her siblings to have settled so early, so easily.

''How do you know you're supposed to be with Helen? How'd you know you love her everyday? That you're not meant for anyone else?''

Prior breathed in slowly as he thought.

''I just do. It's not something you have to think about, it's just there. It's special. I knew it in school and I know it now. She's the one for me, the life in me. I can share anything with her, and trust her with anything too. It's like breathing, JJ. It just is.''

''You've never had feelings for anyone else?''

''No, never. I mean, of course I realize women are attractive and stuff, but actual feelings? Wanting to act on them? No. And no thank you, I love the woman I have. I'm not turning into Mom and Dad. It may have worked for them, but not me.''

JJ nodded softly, numbly, as she played everything that had happened so far in recent times in her head. Prior kept telling her she was honest, that she was strong. But she didn't feel strong; she felt the weakest she had ever been. She felt like she had been in the boxing ring and she was punch drunk, returning to the solace of home to seek safety as she licked her wounds. Despite the fact she had no right to seek the solace, given that it wasn't her that should have been hurting. That was meant for Delilah, her clueless lover.

The Detective was working, thinking that her supposedly faithful girlfriend was just having a visit home as everything at work quieted down some. With Hotch on suspension and Gideon having time off, things were at a lull. There was something wrong with Emily too, but JJ hadn't asked. She was still soar over their last conversation.

The blonde knew she had no right to be hurt that Emily only wanted one thing from her, but she was anyway. How was it that a woman that was so caring, so insightful and wonderful and considered you her best friend, could say something so hurtful? How could Emily care about her so much, share such chemistry with that gravitational pull, and not care about her at all at the same time. Obviously, Emily was more ruthless than she thought. Able to put things in boxes, seemingly that included their friendship and connection. JJ felt like she was a suitable best friend but evidently only suitable as a fuck buddy.

That thought left her so very empty. Everything that she had been feeling, everything she had sacrificed of herself, it was all for nothing. She had stepped over a line she promised she'd never crossed for nothing.

Seeing that his sister was thinking once again, Prior kissed her on top of her head before giving her a quick squeeze before moving to stand up. He reached down and took the mug out of her hands before handing her the one he had come down with, smirking lightly as she smiled at him appreciatively. Her striking blue eyes though didn't show much other trace of happiness right now. Just exhaustion, fraught and swirling emotions. They just looked at one another for a moment, knowing that what had been said was significant and that they were okay with each other. Then, Prior turned and began to walk back up the jetty to leave her to her thoughts again.

JJ breathed in deeply, listening to the sounds of the open land. Her family had welcomed her return yesterday. She had set off straight from Quantico, having packed her back and heading off when home time came around. She had told Reid and Garcia that she was heading home after they had caught her over lunch, but she hadn't talked to Emily today and only briefly to Morgan. Though, she was pretty sure that Emily had overheard Spence asking her how long the trip took as they were getting a coffee. Emily had been approaching from behind, but remained silent as she poured out a black coffee. The brunette had glanced at her a few times, but JJ had never held the eye contact for more than a couple of seconds. It hurt too much, and she couldn't give in to that slightly lost look in Emily's eyes that she was trying desperately to hide. JJ saw it, but no one else had.

Her family was letting her have her distance. They had welcomed her but not pushed her on anything yet. Maybe they wouldn't. JJ didn't know what to tell them even if they asked. She had yet to see her other siblings, Prior lived in the house just over a few yards from her parents' house. He and her Father ran the farm together. She knew though that today she would see everyone, they'd be coming over for dinner and to see her.

It would be nice, maybe for a little while she could not think of all this mess she had gotten herself into. She didn't know what she was looking for but the urge to come up here to look for it had won out, so she figured she'd find out in due time. Until then, she had to put up with the thoughts and feelings running around her head.

XXX

Emily leant her forearms on the railing of the balcony, enjoying the view of the new morning sun dancing across the sleepy sky. If she was honest she had always loved a sunrise much more than a sunset, although she wasn't adverse to them either. She had seen plenty of magnificent one's in her time from all across the world. It was one benefit of being a globetrotter's daughter. At least there had been an upside to the downsides.

Emily had gotten the chance to discover many things. What she knew a lot of people rarely or never got the chance to experience. The intricacies and beauty of different cultures, the ins and outs of their languages and traditions. She had listened to a thousand stories, folklore and fairytales and myths, getting lost in all of them. Had the chance to study first hand countless works of art and literature, able to absorb it all in. That, she would always be grateful for. She still had strong links with many people around the world, and they were a joy to know.

She had suffered loss like everyone else, suffered heartbreak and pain and loneliness had grown so strong in her sometimes that she felt like it had infected her bones. Even in all those wonderful places, even as she celebrated those cultures and customs, she had still been an outsider. Even in her own home, she had been an outsider. So the chance to trust had rarely visited her. Maybe that was why she had never settled for an overly long amount of time? Maybe that was why her relationships had never reached a certain time frame?

Or maybe she just hadn't been lucky enough to stumble across the right person.

As she watched the newborn light, she briefly wondered where JJ was now. Was she watching the same sky she was, or was she oblivious to it? The romantic in Emily hoped that JJ was watching like she was, making them connected somehow. But didn't that only happen in movies? This certainly wasn't a movie.

It hurt that nothing had really happened since that day. Since the day she had lied to her best friend. In the wake of telling JJ that she only wanted her physically, the blonde had shied away from her. Been cold and cautious. Emily couldn't exactly blame her; she had lied for a reason, right? But right now she needed her best friend. There was so much going on and she wanted to confide in her, seek her guidance. It wounded her to know that Strauss had placed her in the BAU for her own political agenda. That Hotch all along had his right to be suspicious. It never left her alone, the politics. It wasn't fair.

The only person she trusted enough to believe she had nothing to do with it, hadn't known about Strauss' plans, was JJ. But she wasn't talking to her. In fact, the blonde had made avoidance into a full-blown art form. She was professional, but distant. And aside for a momentary lapse in the blonde's cold front during their last case on the college campus, JJ had pretty much ignored her to the best of her ability. And in the light of what happened between them, it seemed the blonde had been overcompensating with her girlfriend. Emily had caught some conversations here and there, but mainly it had been Garcia gushing over them so much she had told everybody.

''Good morning.''

Emily turned at the sound of the voice that drifted on the air from behind her. She regarded the other woman, Kate, who she had happened to run into again at the same place they had met the first time. Only, the night didn't end at her apartment, but instead at the redhead's. It was nice. A nice condo with a beach view. Emily had woken up before Kate and had dressed to come out here and take in the sleepy morning sunlight.

''Morning. It's a nice view you have here.''

The brunette commented, accepting the mug of coffee Kate offered out toward her gratefully. She hadn't taken the liberty of poking around her hostess' kitchen, despite her craving for it. However, she had brought out her pack of cigarettes with her. She was halfway through her second one now, and had found it curious how in the last two weeks her need for a smoke had shot through the roof.

''Thank you. You know, you shouldn't be smoking, it's bad for your health.''

Kate said wryly as she stood next to Emily, holding a sardonic look within her eyes as she reached for the smoke and took a drag herself. Emily scoffed lightly, smirking as she lifted up her coffee to take a sip. Just what she needed.

''Don't worry, Doctor, it's not a regular habit.''

She appeased, making Kate smile as she handed her back her smoke. And for a moment or two there was an easy silence as they both looked out across the view. It was nice enough to give pause for thought, and Emily herself knew she had a lot to think about.

''So, who is it?''

Kate asked suddenly, though lightly and with a sense of knowing in her tone that made Emily turn to her in confusion.

''I'm sorry?''

''The girl? There's a girl, right? Someone you're trying to forget?''

Emily opened her mouth to respond, but didn't know quiet what to say. A small frown inched onto her forehead as she thought for a moment, wondering how exactly Kate knew that. She hadn't said anything…or at least she didn't think she had.

''How did you know that?''

She asked wonderingly rather than defensively. There was no point denying it when both of them knew it was true, and Kate didn't seem upset about it. She simply shrugged as she smirked into taking a sip of coffee.

''Takes one to know one?''

Emily suddenly understood. It seemed like they were a matched mismatch. Both having feelings for someone else, but for whatever reason, not being able to share them with that person. Only, Emily knew that if she gave it a shot, she could have won JJ over.

''I have no idea what happened to me. I was perfectly fine until I met her, and she just got to me. I don't trust anyone but I trusted her. She became my best friend, and she's rocked me to my core, turned my life upside down. And I'm pretty sure I know what it is that I feel for her.''

Kate narrowed her eyes slightly, just listening to the mysterious FBI Agent as she looked out over the view.

''So why are you standing here with me right now, instead of being with her?''

The Doctor asked softly, making Emily look back toward her again. There was a new depth, an exposure within her dark eyes that was doubtful to have been shown to many. Emily wasn't crying, but there was definitely a thin sheet of water within her eyes that she was trying to push back so it couldn't form into tears.

''She's with someone else. They've been together for five years. She says she doesn't know what she wants. And I'm not even sure I could offer her anything better than she already has.''

Kate nodded, once again taking the smoke to take a couple of slow drags before she handed it back to her guest. The atmosphere was that of quiet reflection, simply drinking their coffees and sharing the rest of the smoke. Emily wondered why she had confided in the woman beside her, who was more or less a stranger to her. She hadn't spoken to anyone about JJ, not even friends outside of work. What had happened between them had so far remained only between them. But the moment had felt relaxed enough that she had let it come out, and maybe it was easier to let it to someone she didn't really know. Someone she knew had her own situation like it.

''The kicker is…I already know her better than her girlfriend. She doesn't even see her, and I would never treat her so casually. But I think, in a way, I did. I lied to her. I lied to try and spare her the pain of figuring out what she wants. To spare me the pain of figuring out what I want, what I could really offer her if I pushed myself. Because I know, somewhere inside, that if we had that chance together, we'd make it. But it terrifies me to no end. So I lied, and now I've ruined the best friendship I ever had.''

Emily added in continuation, finishing with a soft but frustrated sigh.

''If you lied to spare her pain, then it's not exactly casual, is it? You obviously love her enough to take on that burden, does she know that? Because anyone willing to sacrifice like that…well they'd be a pretty good catch. But Emily, you have to remember, you're not just sacrificing your happiness to make her happy. If she worked out what she wanted, if you gave her that time, and it was you, then you've just sacrificed her happiness too.''

Emily hadn't really thought about it with that slant. What if she was making a mistake? What if denying everything between herself and JJ was wrong? The chemistry was coming from somewhere, right? And she had admitted it, she loved the blonde. But was love enough? That was the constant question that ran through her head, the question that never seemed to get an answer.

What if she did push herself? What could she offer a woman like Jennifer Jareau? What life could she build with her, where could it all lead? To happiness? A real life? Being known in every way by another person? A family?

Those kinds of thoughts had always been the scariest for her. She wouldn't know what to do with a real life, a family, if she read an instruction manual. Her own experience of growing up, of parenthood and Motherhood, had thoroughly frightened her away from doing it herself. She didn't even know if she wanted kids, despite that she liked them. Maybe one day, but right now, she had the excuse of work going for her. She had the excuse of everything going for her. If she went for it, she was a home wrecker, right?

But what if she wasn't? What if she could offer JJ a way out of a bad relationship? One that had been warped from the start? Of course, Emily couldn't say whether JJ loved Delilah or not. In some way, she had to have. They had been together for so long, it was impossible to be any other way. But she couldn't help but wonder, what if JJ had never gotten to that stage before that incident at the bar? What if Delilah saving her life had convinced JJ that she loved her? And all this time, gratitude and maybe even guilt, had been masquerading as love?

As JJ's best friend, which she hoped they still were and would be, could she let her live a lie?

''And hey, at least yours is a lesbian, right?''

Kate added with a sardonic amusement and chuckle. Emily snapped back into reality, giving the redheaded woman a sympathetic look.

''Oh no!''

Kate nodded.

''Oh yes! Alas, she is oblivious to my very existence…in that she's my friend, but you know what I mean.''

Emily smiled as she laughed lightly, nodding in understanding as she offered Kate the last of the smoke. For some reason she felt comfortable. She had met this woman twice. The redhead had supposed to be a one-night stand, never to be heard from again. However, she was beginning to feel glad that they had run into one another last night. They were good together, and this early morning talk was actually pretty nice. They connected in a strange way. Not on a way that would ever make them more than they were. Not destined to become close and fall in love. Maybe not even destined to become great friends.

However, there were people that touched your life sometimes. That entered it only for a little while, just enough time to effect you, before exiting it again, always to be looked back on favourably.

Emily began to get the distinct feeling that she and Kate would bond over their situations, being able to help each other just a little at certain times. Eventually they would move on, but remember one another fondly.

''I really do, yes.''

The brunette confirmed, not meaning just JJ. The ultimate rule of lesbianism was do not fall for a straight girl. Yet, almost every lesbian on earth could provide at least one example of exactly that. Her straight girl had been Alice Jones; they had fenced together a little while at Yale.

''Given our mutual predicament, how about this time we exchange numbers? Give each other a call when we need to?''

The redheaded Doctor ventured, not unsurely but not wholly overly confident. Mainly with a temptation and also some kind of knowledge behind her voice, like she was feeling the same thing Emily was about this strange bond, and what they could be for each other.

Emily really was a sucker for beautiful things, and Kate very much was. And she was in no position or inclination to turn the offer down. In fact, it could be a godsend. With her work, what was going on with it, and everything happening with JJ, it would have been good to have someone to call at the end of the night to get together with. She had no one to answer to, so why not?

''I think that sounds like a good idea.''

XXX

''Please?''

''No.''

''_Please_?''

''No!''

''Pretty please?''

Emily sighed. God Penelope Garcia was hard to argue with. She was currently trying her best to grab her things so she could get out of this building faster than light after she told Hotch that she had quit. Just the very idea of what she had just done made her sick, made her want to literally hang her head over the toilet and throw her vital organs up into it. In her way, she had done her best to compartmentalise. At least until she got home so she could drink herself under the table.

Tonight was a night that she was definitely going to use Kate's number.

She hated it, but it was the only thing to be done. She couldn't compete against someone like Strauss, but she couldn't exactly confess to Hotch without being the bad guy and the rat either. So her only option was to step away.

''Emily please, stop and think about this.''

The quirky and at the moment extremely distressed computer analyst said, following Emily around like she was her shadow. Garcia was going to be damned if she let Emily walk out of here easily. She had become part of the team, part of their family. And sure, there had been a few doubts cast her way, including from herself because of JJ, but that didn't mean Garcia wanted her to quit.

''I have thought about this plenty. It's what I want.''

The brunette lied sternly, not looking the blonde in the eye as she bounced next to her. However, Emily was too busy grabbing the things from her desk, putting her finished work in order. She was trying to pretend that it was easy to breathe, but it wasn't. She didn't want this, she didn't want to do this, and everything inside of her was screaming for her to stop.

''You expect me to believe that? You love doing this Emily, I've seen it. You have the same look as everyone else here. Why are you doing this?''

Emily sighed and rubbed her forehead.

''I told you Garcia…''

She ground out softly. In fairness, she had to admire the blonde's efforts. And it was a nice feeling, Garcia fighting for her. It made it that much harder to walk away. To walk away from them all, they were her friends. To walk away from this work, Garcia was right, it was what she loved. What she had dreamt about. But she had to. They would never know why, they didn't need to, but she'd be damned if she would be the reason for them being split up or worse.

''Politics. As if. Is this…is this because of JJ? Did something happen?''

Emily whirled around at the hesitant and hushed question, eyes wide as her defensive walls shot up immediately.

''What? No! This has got nothing to do with JJ, why would it? Nothing has or will ever be happening between us, okay?''

Garcia sighed softly, almost sympathetically.

''Emily…''

''No, Garcia. Leave her out of this, she has Delilah and that's the end of it. I'm doing this for me.''

''Does she know?''

Emily swallowed, not answering the question but the answer was clear in her eyes. She hadn't told JJ anything. Hadn't sought her out to tell her that she was leaving, no email, no note, and no text. Emily wouldn't even know what to say even if she did leave one. She thought it was best that if she was leaving, to just leave. Start fresh and clean, let everyone, including JJ, get on with their lives.

''You need to tell her, Emily, in the least.''

''I don't owe her anything.''

The brunette snapped.

''Yes you do. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but yes you do and you know it. Whatever is happening between you, right or wrong, it means you owe her at least a goodbye.''

The hacker insisted softly. She was torn over the goings on between her friends. JJ was her best friend, without a doubt. She was like a sister to her. But she couldn't approve of any goings on between her and Emily. Whether something had happened or not, it was clear that the potential was there. At first she had thought that nothing would come of it, until everything got to a head, and she was sure JJ was going to cheat on Delilah. But now, after the last couple of weeks, she thought maybe it didn't happen. From the way they were acting around each other, which was really not at all, it wasn't hard to figure out that something had caused them to be pushed apart.

But whether in that state or not, their chemistry was undeniable. They had a gravity between each other, some sort of bond that had really set in deep. They could talk to each other without ever muttering a word, and that was a rare thing to happen. Emily seemed to understand JJ in ways that no one had yet. She had pointed out things, like that night at the bar. They had all taken JJ for granted, and Emily had seen it right off the bat. Maybe she was right, maybe they had been too complacent with her.

However much Garcia loved Delilah, it was starting to make sense to her now that perhaps everything wasn't as perfect as it seemed. That Delilah had done the same as everyone else, and Emily had seen that too. Emily found it unacceptable. And even after having it pointed out, the relationship between JJ and Delilah hadn't seemed to have changed all that much. What if her friend was unhappy, had been unhappy for all this time, and had never been able to tell anyone?

''It doesn't make a difference, does it. Whatever it is, whatever I feel for her, it doesn't make a difference. And it would never be supported by anyone, because I'm not Delilah. JJ's a big girl, she doesn't need anything from me.''

With that, Emily wheeled around quicker than Garcia could manage to stop her and propelled herself toward Hotch's office. She wasn't going to do this. JJ had made her choice, obviously. She kept making it everyday by staying with the Detective. So maybe all of this was for the best? If she couldn't answer the questions inside of herself she could never really offer JJ anything anyway.

XXX

There was silence the whole way from the hospital to the hotel. Emily had taken to staring out of the car window, watching the scenery pass by her. The painkillers hadn't taken affect yet, so her head throbbed but she ignored the pain as best she could. The cut wasn't too bad, it would heal and it was unlikely that anything would be left behind to be noticeable. However, it was the bang to the head that had been the kicker. The Doctor had been surprised that she hadn't been knocked clean out. However, he had laughed at her comment of being too thick headed for that.

She hadn't wanted to go to the hospital, of course. However, Hotch had ordered her and with Strauss standing by with that scowl on her face, Emily pretty much hadn't had a choice. All they had done was poked and prodded her a little, look over what the paramedic had done in the field, and prescribed her some medication to take home. A waste of time as far as she had been concerned, but orders were orders.

It was a relief to be back though, and despite the smack to the head, she was happy to be. If that made her weird then so be it. She would rather be weird and doing something that she loved with a concussion than normal and dying of boredom in any other job. It didn't escape her notice about just how close she had come to loosing everything she had worked for. Loosing the people that had started to feel like a family to her. Even Hotch trusted her now. She had done the respectful thing, the only thing she could think of to stop Strauss' game dead in the water. Quitting had been her way of saving this team, her friends. She couldn't be the cause of its demise and she had been more willing to not be part of it anymore than to break it up to keep her job.

She hated politics.

The brunette glanced discreetly over toward the driver of the car. Even though her head was killing her, it was functioning enough to immediately see that JJ's body language was that of pure tension and frustration. It was obvious the blonde was uncomfortable, channelling all her focus on the road because she was trying to keep something in. It was a stark contrast to how she had been earlier.

Emily remembered the relieved smile she had seen earlier, as she had walked into that office with Hotch. JJ had been glad to see her, kept looking up at her. It had been a nice change after two weeks of the cold shoulder. Of complete distance. Emily had missed her friend, and she had been thinking a lot about what Kate had said. She wasn't sure what she was going to do yet, but she was thinking about it. And JJ had been so tender with her in that house. Touched her just so fleetingly, but it had been enough.

However, when JJ had been the one to turn up at the hospital to pick her up, it had turned into the cold shoulder again. The blonde had helped her to the car, and that had been the last they had spoken. However, the younger woman had watched her carefully as they went inside. Emily was astutely aware of the blonde's observation as they made their way into the small hotel. It had been the one that apparently JJ had provisionally booked, and given that they had all been on the go for so long and the plane couldn't take off right away, Hotch had ordered everyone to get refreshed and have a little rest before they made their way to the plane so they could go home.

The blonde took over getting themselves in through the door with key card, letting Emily go in first before following and clicking the door shut. And somehow, impossibly so, the air between them got even heavier. More awkward and uncomfortable, full of tension so thick that it could be cut through with a knife. It was horrible.

''I can't believe you didn't tell me.''

Emily stalled for a second, the gravity of JJ's voice hitting her hard. It was full of anger and steel, even a little betrayal. She didn't know whether to be understanding or pissed off at that. She turned around to face the blonde, finding that she hadn't moved away from the doorway. JJ's arms were folded across her chest, a protective gesture, and had a fire in her eyes and a scowl across her beautiful features. She was trying to hide the hurt from her, but Emily saw that too.

''And when exactly was I supposed to tell you, huh? Because you've been so damn chatty the last couple of weeks.''

She threw back with a calm, but low tone, her anger threatening to spill over. She was angry at JJ, she was angry at herself, hell she was just plain angry at everything. She hated feeling like this. Feeling like she had lost control of something she didn't even understand properly.

''Don't you dare blame me for that, what did you expect me to do?''

JJ seethed, not moving from her position near the door. It was both an aggressive and defensive position. She was effectively blocking the door form Emily, cutting off her means of retreat, but she was also at a position where she could easily retreat herself.

''You didn't have to shut me out!''

Emily's voice rose to an angry and incredulous shout, the frown across her face was twisted with that anger and also the pain and confusion that she had been feeling. God she barely knew what the hell she was feeling these days, it wasn't like her. JJ made her lose all sense of self sometimes.

''Yeah, well I'm sorry. You try being told you're only wanted for sex when you believed you were cared about.''

''JJ, I never said I didn't care for you.''

The brunette shook her head, lowering her voice a little to a sincere one. She didn't want the blonde to think that she didn't care, that hadn't been her aim or intention. Couldn't she see how much she cared? Didn't she know that she loved her? Even after what she had said, even after the distance for the last couple of weeks Emily thought JJ would still know. Would catch it in her eyes, her attempts to talk to her. Evidently she hadn't, or she was just too hurt to notice or admit it.

''Yeah? Well you sure have a shitty way of showing me that. What the fuck do you want from me Emily? You walk into my life, turn it upside down, you play on this thing between us only to hit me with that? I don't understand you.''

''I don't understand you! God, you are so smart JJ. But you're so fucking dumb too. I don't understand why someone like you, someone so aware of their strengths and competencies, would be with someone like _her_.''

Emily bit down to stop herself from continuing, seeing the dark, warning look looming in on JJ's face.

''You don't get to talk about her.''

''Why not? She's the problem isn't she? You owe her so much that you just blindly stay with her, cutting off parts of yourself to please her? That's fucking insane JJ. You're more than that.''

''You don't know that, you don't know anything about what I have with her. And it's not like you'd be prepared to give me anything more, is it? I'd just be another conquest to you, right?''

The blonde demanded challengingly. She watched as Emily bit her lower lip, looking at her with a heartbreaking honesty with threatening tears in her eyes. For that instance looking so vulnerable, so hurt. JJ just wanted to wrap her in her arms and tell her everything would be okay. That she didn't mean to hurt her, but her own hurt was getting in the way. Her life was getting in the way. Emily was shaking her head, and took a breath in before answering.

''It's not like that!''

''Yes it is! You said it.''

''I made a mistake, okay?''

''Seems you've been making a few of those lately.''

Finally, Emily's tears fell. Just one at first, then slowly, another couple more.

''I tried to talk to you! I wanted, I needed to talk to you about this. You weren't there for me. You fucking disappeared on me. I _needed_ you JJ, but you were too busy punishing me for everything that's gone on between us.''

''I know.''

JJ admitted quietly, breaking her eye contact and dropping it to gaze at the floor. She knew Emily was right, and she felt appropriately guilty. She should have been there. She saw the signs; she could tell Emily had tried to approach her with something. But she had brushed her off, let what happened come between them to the point that she left the brunette to deal with all of this by herself. She hadn't known it was what it was exactly, and Emily had quit because of it. Maybe if she had just listened, she could have helped before it got to that stage.

She had been making every effort to get out on work on time, make sure she was home, make sure she drove to Baltimore when she needed to. Had been making every effort to smooth over the cracks in her relationship, fill them with anything she could, so that Delilah wouldn't notice that anything was wrong.

''So stop yelling at me.''

Emily said softly, even a little petulantly, scowling almost in a pout as she crossed her own arms with a small sigh. If not in this context then it would have actually been very sweet and amusing. But there was nothing amusing with this situation.

JJ had that want to just snap her fingers and make everything right again. If she had the guts, if she wasn't lost in emotion and fear and some twisted loyalty, she might have been able to make things right. But she was in pain, and that caused her to lash out. She was feeling guilty, so that caused her to overcompensate with Delilah, and in doing so had neglected Emily. It had been wrong. The whole thing was wrong, and just like she had told her brother she felt like she had fucked up royally.

While she had been at the farm she had done a lot of thinking. Some things she had found answers to, but others were still evading her. She had taken some time to just forget, had enjoyed roaming the land there or talking with her old friends, her siblings and parents. And of course, as she did every visit, she spoilt her nieces and nephews rotten. They were so carefree and happy, unaware of any horrors in the world. Unaware what their Aunt dealt with day in and day out, though they knew she was a cop of course. They had a small fascination with her badge and a bigger fascination with her gun that they always wanted to see but she kept it safely locked away.

The desire to have what her siblings had one day had hit her hard. Of course she wanted kids, she had always wanted kids. But with recent developments in her life she had begun to reject the idea. She couldn't have children when this was happening, if she was so confused about her relationship. Once upon a time she had told herself that she and Delilah would make a great team as parents. Now however, that had slipped away and as thoughts and feelings had come up to the surface these last few months, JJ had decided that if there was any room for doubt, then it wasn't happening at all.

However, that idea as much as she was doing it for a reason, was still a hard pill to swallow.

''Sorry.''

The blonde mumbled, though it was an earnest one. She hadn't meant to go off on Emily quite like that, her fear had pushed through. When she had heard that Emily had quit her heart had seized up and jumped into her throat. She had felt hot and dizzy and she had panicked. She had tried to find the older woman, but with not so much as a word Emily had just left. And due to the impending case, the lack of Gideon and Hotch, JJ had had no time to spare after that. Which is why she had been so beyond relieved when Emily had walked into that police station today.

''You just…god you make me crazy. I don't want to feel this way, but I do.''

The brunette huffed, making JJ nod.

''We both do.''

Emily sighed, trying to catch her thoughts as they flew around her head. She couldn't think clearly around this woman half the time. So much had happened so fast that it was hard to know what to do or say first. She knew she probably shouldn't have left without a goodbye, but she had been petulant because JJ had ignored her. Their lack of dealing with what was happening between them, or between JJ and Delilah, was causing both of them to lash out like scorned children. She tried to focus and remember who she was, and what she wanted for the blonde. Which was, in the very least, for her to be herself.

''I…whatever happens or doesn't happen, in the _least_ Jennifer, you have got to stop bending and breaking yourself to her. You have got to stop living a lie. I _hate_ seeing you do that.''

Though somewhat calmer now, the anger fading into emotional honesty, Emily emphasised what she had been thinking. What she had picked up on almost immediately after meeting JJ. She did hate it, with a passion. Jennifer Jareau was so many things, had so many level and she wasn't being let free to be all of them, and that frustrated Emily to no end. It even got to her, made her hurt a little, that JJ had been overlooked by so many for so long. The blonde herself had probably not notice, it was just the norm, but Emily couldn't help but point it out. If she could help JJ with at least that, then she would be happier, no matter who the blonde ended up with.

''I know you do, thank you.''

JJ realised that what she had been talking to Prior about, about being understood, she had found that in Emily. It had been a nice feeling at first, just feeling a connection with someone. And then it grew into something more, and it had been a warm feeling. All those talks she and Emily had had together, not once had she felt embarrassed about something. She had been able to really be herself without fear or recrimination, and that had been a freeing experience. And right up until now, JJ didn't think she had realised just how big of a deal it was. How much it really meant to her.

A thank you was the very least she could give, though knowing it would never be enough. However, from the confusion covering her beautiful features, though a little paler due to her knock on the head, JJ knew that it didn't even occur to Emily that it was something to be thanked for.

''For what?''

The brunette echoed her suspicions. JJ found that even more heartening, that it wasn't something her friend had to think about, it was simply natural.

''Hating it. For seeing me the way others haven't.''

It wasn't because of Emily's profiling skills that she had seen those things. It was because she was Emily Prentiss, caring and sensitive and intuitive. There was a difference between profiling someone and seeing someone, and JJ knew that Emily had seen her. It was a liberating feeling knowing that. Especially considering she wasn't used to having it happen.

JJ was a private person, but somehow she had let big things go unseen even if she wanted them to be seen. The singing was a prime example. And she had no idea why or how it had happened, but it had until Emily.

''I like what I see. And even the parts that I don't like I like, because its you.''

Emily stated with an almost childlike and soft sincerity. Looking at JJ with big, brown and honest eyes that showed nothing but respect and adoration. She looked at JJ with the sense of reverence that she held for her, barely harnessed along with her awe and wonder. Because that's how Emily did see JJ. As someone to be awed, someone that deserved respect and so much more. Even her faults and flaws, which Emily considered generally few and normal, she liked, simply because they were JJ's. Frustratingly endearing, she supposed.

However, the quiet honesty had halted JJ, obviously touching her on a level that made her retreat into silence. As though anymore said would be damaging, would be upsetting for them both and right now neither of them wanted to cope with that. Enough had been broached, and Emily was satisfied that what she had said would sink in.

So quietly, she retreated to the bathroom so that she could shower and change, swallowing more painkillers in the process to stop the banging in her head. But the profiler suspected it had more to do with the weight of emotion now than the injury.

There wasn't much else said between them. From then on till Quantico.

XXX

''Thanks for the lift JJ.''

It was an unusual feeling to feel so awkward, so uncomfortable, around her best friend. Penelope wasn't used to it and she certainly didn't like it. Ever since yesterday she had been thinking about what Emily had said. The words had hit her like a freight train, hard and lasting. She had begun to think about her pretty little best friend, think about all the things that had happened recently.

Hindsight was a wonderful thing, but it was also a regrettable one. Had she really been there for JJ? Or had she gotten so comfortable with the way things were that she hadn't seen that things needed to change?

''No problem.''

JJ mumbled softly, with a sense of distraction. Her blue eyes, unusually dull, stared out onto the darkening road ahead of them. She hadn't spoken much since the team's arrival back to Quantico. As Garcia had fawned over Emily and her injured noggin, and also been met with a stern but appreciative look from Hotch, she had noticed that JJ had drifted off to be on her own. That was not a good sigh, and from the way Emily had tried to discretely look after her, with a glimmer of longing in her dark eyes, Garcia could guess that something that ultimately wasn't anything had happened between them.

The Oracle of All Knowledge had then realised that she had seen that same look in the blonde's eyes for a little while now. That sense of longing, of creeping unhappiness. She didn't know what had happened between her friends, part of her didn't want to, but the other part wanted to at least help.

''Are you okay? You've been quiet.''

JJ swung a quick glance at her friend, mustering up a weak smile that didn't meet her eyes as she nodded.

''Yeah sure, just tired I guess.''

''Kay.''

Garcia said, unconvinced as she nodded. However, her thoughts didn't stop, but she did notice the pause that floated inside of the car between them. And the elephant sat in the back seat staring at them, of course.

''Jayj?''

The hacker broke first, unsurprisingly.

''Yeah?''

''Are you happy?''

JJ looked at her again, going to open her mouth to respond but no words came out. It wasn't that often that anyone saw the controlled press liaison stall. JJ usually had an answer for everything, a comment ready to pull out. She was so natural like that, but right now, she stalled because the lie she had been prepared to throw out into the air would not come.

''No.''

The Agent finally whispered. Her eyes lingered on the parking break as though it was doing something interesting. It wasn't, she just couldn't look at Penelope. She felt exposed, vulnerable even. She felt like a fraud, and that her best friend was going to read her the riot act.

For as long as she had known Penelope Garcia the wonderfully unique computer whiz had been a refreshing and constant source of purity. She may have been delightfully perverted and flirty and probably did what the Bureau would consider sexual harassment, but that was all just her way. It was the sweetness in her that made it acceptable fun, rather than seedy and unacceptable. She was a paragon of virtue, and she made everyone around her honest. And right now, it felt almost like a betrayal to her that JJ felt unhappy.

''I'm sorry.''

The younger blonde's head jerked up so fast that she almost suffered whiplash because of it. That had been the last thing that JJ had been expecting Garcia to say. Why would she be sorry? She hadn't done anything. She on the other hand was messing everything up quite nicely, but that didn't mean Garcia had anything to be sorry for.

''What for?''

''I'm supposed to be your best friend, and you haven't been able to talk to me, have you?''

With soulful and regretful eyes Garcia looked directly at her friend, putting her hand on her arm gently, squeezing softly.

''No.''

JJ agreed in a breath, feeling it a little bit safer to admit that. It seemed that everything had gotten caught under the wheels of this thing with Emily and Delilah, even her friendship with Garcia.

''I can't…I can't believe I'm going to say this, because I think I know what it means…but…you should do what you need to to be happy, JJ.''

Penelope advised after a deep breathe. It actually made her ache that she was suggesting JJ end her relationship with Delilah. She loved Delilah, they were great friends and Garcia thought that she and JJ made a great couple. However, evidently that was turning out to be wrong. And though she loved the Portuguese Detective, her love and loyalty had always, and would always remain with JJ. It might have gotten a little tarred lately it had been pointed out, but it never meant it had abandoned her.

So if leaving Delilah is what JJ needed to do to be happy, then so be it. She would rather that happen than the young small town sweetheart live an unhappy life. And Emily had been wrong, because if she could wrap her head around JJ and Delilah splitting up, then she could wrap her head around Emily stepping into her place for JJ. If that were what the blonde wanted, if Emily was what she wanted, then she would support them. She thought a lot of Emily. The only thing she couldn't get on board with is if anything had happened between them whilst Delilah was still in the picture. She wasn't sure if it had, she would have liked to think not. Both JJ and Emily were honest women, they had ethics and principals and JJ especially had her rules. So in the end, she decided that it hadn't happened.

''It'll kill me, Penelope.''

JJ couldn't stop the crack from running through her voice as her eyes watered, a tear escaping to roll down her face. She turned to her best friend; crumbling under the look she was giving her. Crumbling under the knowledge of what she had done, which she knew Penelope wouldn't believe of her.

JJ knew that Penelope was not and would never advocate anything deceitful. She was telling her that if she wasn't happy then don't stay with the wrong person. What she didn't know was that JJ couldn't work out exactly who was the wrong person. She wanted to be with Emily, so desperately that it was hurting her very bones. That build up was starting to settle into her again, stronger than before, the one that had been impossible to get rid of until she had ended up at the brunette's door.

Was Delilah the right one, and she was just going through an insanely bad rough patch? Or was Emily the right one, even though she had made it clear that she only wanted sex? Didn't that make Emily and Delilah very similar? That's what was sought of her most often; despite that she knew both loved her.

But Delilah loved her in a box she didn't ever open. Emily loved her for who she was. Delilah wanted what she wanted, whereas Emily considered her feelings. The problem was, even though Emily said she loved her, she wasn't going to offer anything but the physical.

Maybe that's all she needed too. Maybe it would be what made her realise, what answered her questions. Maybe this was all her reaction to the ultimate commitment to Delilah, and to her old self that was unwilling to give up the thrill of the chase. Maybe it just needed to be worked out of her system.

The one thing she was sure of, was what she had told Penelope. This was killing her. JJ looked up at her friend as the analyst tenderly brushed away some of the fallen tears with her thumb.

''It's killing you anyway.''

XXX

''Forrester.''

JJ swallowed, hard, feeling like there was sandpaper and gravel in her throat.

''Hey…baby, it's me.''

She said hoarsely down the phone, almost shaking with nerves. It wasn't that she hadn't lied to Delilah before. She had betrayed her in so many ways already; this should have been a breeze. But this time, this time was different. It was real, and it was happening. She was becoming one of 'those' people. If they'd have been married, she would have been slipping off her wedding ring right now.

''Hey you, what's going on?''

JJ cleared her throat, watching a couple walking up the street on the sidewalk. They were arm in arm, looking happy as they talked and laughed.

''Just letting you know we'll be here until tomorrow. Just have some things to finish up.''

''Okay sweetheart. Everything okay out there?''

''Yeah, yeah, fine. Just unfinished work to be done.''

Again, JJ swallowed. She felt like Delilah was scrutinizing every word. What if she checked up on her somehow? What if she knew? But the blonde realised that it was the irrationality of her guilty mind.

''Call me when you're done?''

''I will.''

There was some sort of happy squeak from the other end of the line, and JJ closed her eyes, feeling more tears in the back of her eyes.

She loved this woman, she did. They'd had a great five years together, despite the problems. Delilah had been there for her at every turn. She thought back to the trips away, to Delilah defending her to her Mother, to the sweeter times like at the carnival. She thought about every time Delilah had indulged a stupid, girly urge and had snuggled up with her on rainy days. She thought about Delilah's passion for her, the desire to last the distance. The knowledge that for the Detective, she was absolutely everything.

''I love you so much JJ.''

''I love you too.''

''Bye.''

JJ thought about all of that. Yet still, she got out of the car anyway, and walked across the street and into Emily's apartment building. This time knowing she wouldn't be coming out until the morning.

XXX

Emily didn't even get chance to speak. She had opened her mouth in order to, but the words had never been given chance to form. Unlike last time, so it wasn't quite déjà vu. She hadn't expected visitors tonight, especially not this visitor. And she had initially begun to object. Things were fucked up enough, she had all but lost her best friend, and a re-enactment of their failed attempt to be together is not what she needed right now. Not when she was still feeling so used, so off her game, so un-Emily Prentiss. Not when her head was busted up, causing her thoughts and feelings to further blur and twist in her mind, making her that much more confused and disorientated.

However, her objections were not noted. Her blonde visitor became her blonde invader as she crossed the threshold into her apartment, evidently unwilling to take no for an answer. Stopping any objections by the immediate fusing of their mouths, swallowing Emily's resistance as she pushed her back forcefully.

The kiss was a phenomenon in itself, just like it had been each and every other times they had kissed. But there was something in this one that was different, even from the last. In this one Emily could taste the pure intent of her friend, the heat and the almost defeat to the gravity between them. It was intoxicating, and with every second Emily began to get drunk on JJ's want. The blonde had kicked her door shut, pushing her back until she found herself pinned between her and the wall. Her mind screamed at her, told her to stop, told her to do something. It told her that she couldn't do this again; she couldn't get so far and have JJ pull away from her again. However, that taste, the simple idea that she would go through with this this time, it made the screams of resistance and doubt morph into willingness and complicity.

Emily wanted her so badly, so strongly, that she let herself be overcome. She began to kiss back more fervently, letting her own want begin to show. She let her disorientation, her confusion and doubt wither, crumple in the face of feeling JJ's mouth on her own, her body pressed against hers. It sent shivers down her spine, feeling the heat from JJ's body, loving the weight of it pressed into her. Before she knew it, her hands had weaved into silky blonde hair, urgent JJ closer, their kisses turning into hot, wet, open mouthed demands, like they couldn't hold back, just wanted to consume one another.

All objections removed, Emily let her hands move to JJ's shoulders, pushing the jacket off so it fell in a heap on the floor. If this was happening again then it wasn't happening like the last time, she wasn't about to let JJ control the situation again. This time would be different, this time she was going to show the younger woman exactly what she had to offer, exactly how this chemistry between them could combust.

JJ didn't expect the turn around. With their mouths barely missing a second of contact, Emily managed to regain her control, pushing off the wall against JJ and turning the blonde around to pin her up against it instead. The younger Agent squeaked slightly at the impact, but didn't get chance to react, Emily's mouth too persistent and aggressive on her own. Tongues roaming and duelling for dominance. It sent pangs of lust shooting down to her core, the heated coil tightening up with every second. She enjoyed the sensation of being pinned by Emily, having her weight push into her, the brunette invade her mouth. Everything was pumping and pulsating, senses heightened, arousal so powerful that it pushed past the limit it had ever reached before. Emily was making her come alive, making every single fibre inside of her buzz with delightful electric.

Emily's hands moved down to the em of JJ's t-shirt unceremoniously pulled it up and over her head, tossing it aside immediately. Their mouths crashed together again, the moment of separation being more than they could stand. JJ moaned into Emily's mouth as the profiler's hands explored her flushed, sensitive skin. Taught muscles twitched underneath the burning touches, the confidence of Emily's actions showing through as she let her hands sprawl and move their way upward in their exploration.

It was a combination of Emily's mouth moving to explore JJ's neck and her hands cupping her breasts over the black lace of her bra that made JJ buck against her as she moaned, her head tipping sideways in order to give Emily the access she was seeking. It wasn't often that she let herself loose control, that she willingly let go of it, but she could feel herself letting go. Could feel the world around her dissolving, taking away the reasons that she needed to be in control. She could give it to Emily, could surrender to her, and let herself feel and experience rather than think about everything.

She reacted off instinctual need; grappling with the t-shirt Emily was wearing to rid her of it, her too needing to feel the potency of skin on skin. She had felt the delight of the older woman's skin previously, but not exactly like this. Despite the passion they had shared in those all too brief moments that night, it was nothing compared to now. Right now JJ felt like she could spontaneously combust. Right now her entire body was humming, the ache chased away by Emily's touches, her mere presence. This was the first time in a long time that something had felt so right, that something had felt so amazing, so potent. It was quite the ironic contrast that it was so wrong.

The heated kissing and touches continued as the two involved woman continued to move through Emily's apartment. It was lit only softly; the glare from the overhead lights had made the profiler's head throb more than it already had been. But with this development with JJ the pain had been long forgotten. And as they made their way, stumbling up the stairs as they were still unwilling to separate for long, toward Emily's bedroom, hands moved to tackle the nuisance of belts, feet urging shoes off. And as they reached the top of the stairs, pants were urgently shed, adding to the small trail of clothes from near the door to there, leaving them only in underwear.

Emily found it almost unbearable to resist the urge to just shove JJ against the wall and just fuck her right there. The thought had been in the mind since the door, as they passed the chair near there, the sofa, even the stairs. But she wanted to get the blonde into her bedroom. She wanted it to be different, wanted to show JJ that this was, and could be, more than that. More than just a fuck against the wall. Emily wanted so much with JJ. She was still afraid of what the blonde provoked in her, what she made her feel and want. Emily had lied to her for a reason, and now she was caught between the lie and her fear. JJ thought that she just wanted her for sex, and Emily still didn't know whether she could give to JJ properly, all that she deserved, all that she was worth. But she wanted this to be more than sex. She was caught somewhere in the middle. What she did know, was that she wanted to obliterate Delilah from JJ's mind. She wanted to overshadow her, wanted JJ to crave only her, see how it could be. She knew it was shallow and childish, but the competitor within her couldn't help it. JJ deserved more, and though Emily knew she was being hypocritical by attempting to show her more yet still not really offering it, she still wanted to.

The brunette also wanted to lose herself in the blonde. Her head was so turned around, her emotions had been running rampant when she usually had some kind of control, and to top it off, everything that had happened was still like an infection in her bones. The political games, the betrayal by Strauss, the sickness it had caused to know she had yet again been used as a pawn. It pissed her off. And to prove her allegiance she had quit the very thing that she loved, had worked hard for. The job that put her in just the kind of situations that got her smacked in the head, but hey, she was all up for that.

''Stop thinking.''

Emily blinked as JJ's heated whisper reached her ears, the blonde's mouth still close to hers and those darkened to sapphire orbs looking right into her. It sent shivers running along her spine, it had been a long time since anyone could read her like that.

Leaving her thoughts behind Emily kissed JJ again, this time a little slowly, but still as deep. It was a languid kiss, forging an even closer intimacy between them. JJ's hands weaved into dark hair, pulling Emily in closer as the older woman held her hips. They remained there for a few moments, lost in the kiss that became its own force of nature.

It was Emily that guided JJ along the hall and into her bedroom. The blonde had slept over many times, but she had only gone into Emily's bedrooms a handful of times, to either get something for Emily or to be shown something by Emily. The view from the wall window being one of them, they had stood in the darkness here once, a glass of wine each, just in comfortable silence, watching the lights from the city twinkle and sparkle.

It was dark now, as they entered the room, but the soft glow from outside was enough to able both of them to see. As they stopped in the middle of the room, Emily pulled her head back slowly, looking JJ square in the eyes as she also took a step back. There was no questioning look in JJ's eyes; she wasn't panicking about why Emily had stopped, seemingly knowing already what she was doing.

As both of them panted, their private bubble heated and electric, Emily looked at JJ. Hungry, appreciative eyes swept the blonde's figure, not objectively but with reverence. She let every detail of awe and respect and desire sweep through her eyes for JJ to see, didn't squirm at the intense intimacy it caused. In fact the intimacy was one of the things she loved most about sex, it turned her on, and given the level of it right now, she was on fire. Seeing JJ like this made her throat go dry, practically made her dizzy. She was truly stunning, the athletic detail shaping her body, her soft honeycomb skin so tempting and mouth watering.

Emily reached out, skimming her fingertips along JJ's abdomen, up along her breast and along her collarbone. Still skimming the soft skin, Emily moved around the blonde, remaining close and listening to JJ's shallow breath and hardly there sighs at the fleeting touches. The brunette smiled as JJ shivered and sighed softly as she slipped her arms around her waist, pressing up into her back.

JJ let her head drop sideways, letting her body relax and mould into Emily's. The profiler was in control, and she happily relinquished her control for the moment, shivering as Emily kissed along her neck. Her eyes closed as she took in the sensation of the kisses, the licks and nips and Emily's hot breath caressing over her skin. Those hands moulded around her hips, lightly massaging for long moments before they began to move.

Emily let her hands explore, moving along the expanse of exposed skin. Trailing along the blonde's stomach, down her sides to her hips again, moving down to the tops of her thighs, the small of her back. She felt so warm, so soft and glorious. Emily wanted to feel every inch of her, and as she did she knew she was building JJ up more and more. As she kissed along the back of her neck to give the other side the same attention, her hands skimmed the younger woman's inner thighs, making her suck in a sharp breath and groan at the same time. Again she yielded to Emily's ministrations on her neck, squirming ever so slightly as fingertips ran over a particularly sensitive spot on her sides. The blonde reached around to hold one of Emily's hips, her other hand moving to cup one of hers as they progressed upward.

Both woman exhaled in pleasure as Emily's fingers slipped under the lace fabric of JJ's bra, and the wave of heat was instantaneous, sending a pulse so strong that it thickened the wetness both were experiencing. Emily continued to caress those fabulous breasts, feeling the electric that touching JJ like this caused. She palmed the mounds, squeezing and rolling hardened nipples between her fingertips. It elicited more moans from the blonde, who was suspended in a state of pleasure.

Neither woman felt the need to rush, but to simply take their time to feel and explore. It was a slow dance, Emily continuing her ministrations, giving JJ's body the attention it deserved leaving no inch of skin unexplored or untouched. Her hands removed the ineffectual bra that JJ was wearing, dropping it to the floor before her hands found their way back to JJ's breasts. She urged the younger woman to lean backward into her, to rest her weight on her, and the blonde complied easily. Emily kissed her neck again, slow, hot and sensual, trailing one hand down her body. She could feel JJ trembling against her as her hand slipped over her underwear, her hand cupping her, fingers pushing into her as though she was massaging her.

''God Em…''

Emily smirked both at the groan, the hushed, cracked and heated whisper from deep inside JJ's throat, and at the fact that the blonde pushed herself against her hand trying to increase the pressure of the contact.

''What do you want?''

The brunette whispered hotly, increasing the pressure as JJ wanted.

''I want to forget. I want you.''

''Want me how? To do what?''

''I want you, all of you…I want to fuck you, I want you to fuck me. All night.''

Emily eased her hand under JJ's underwear, her fingers slipping into wet, slick folds. She was welcomed by the heat, the velvety feel of the woman she had been yearning for for so long. The woman that was asking her right now to do what she had dreamt so many times of doing. JJ wanted to forget, and so did Emily. For tonight, both of them would. They would forget everything outside of this room, and they would be suspended in this bliss. Their personal bubble, where it was just the two of them. They could pretend even if it was just for this night, that there were no complications. Simply JJ and Emily, together, just how it was supposed to be.

And it was a long, long night. There was no urgency, no rush. They took their time to explore, to build and build upon the desire and the pleasure. So much so that it was practically tantric, everything else became lost and at certain points, neither Agent could even remember their names. They felt each other in the very marrow of their bones, their bodies moulding together as though they had been made for one another. There was a silent understanding between them, the questions needing not to be asked, they already knew.

And by the edge of dawn, they were sated. Exhausted in the best way. Every inch of them having been touched and kissed and tasted. The exertion finally catching up with them, making them fall into deep slumber, limbs wrapped around each other.

This was the way it was supposed to be. And at least for tonight, it was.


	11. Chapter 11

''_I need to ask you something, and I need you to give me an honest answer.''_

_JJ stated grimly, seriously, as her thoughtful blue eyes stared into the swirling liquid of the coffee that had been placed in front of her just moments ago. She had wrapped her hands around it, numbly enjoying the warmth it had to offer. _

_She had put off the very thing she came here to do, to find out. Being here at the farm was a welcomed break from the commotion of the city. It was quiet and peaceful and the air was fresh. Though she hardly talked about them, she did miss her family. With all of the problems, the turbulence, the tragedy they had suffered, they were still her family and she really did love them. Maybe she didn't like them from time to time, when they clashed, but hey, that was family right? They didn't understand her all that much, but she had learnt to live with that._

_JJ had learnt to live with her Mother not so secretly wishing that she would give up her life and come home. Not so secretly wish that she would give up this 'lesbian phase', her 'obsession' with trying to be the Clarice Starling of the FBI, and just marry a man and produce as much babies as she physically could. Apparently her looks were going to waste, because of course that was the most important thing._

_JJ had learnt to live with her Dad trying to juggle the feeling of her being his little girl still, and the threat to his manhood that she was a trained, gun wielding professional that regularly strapped on a Kevlar vest and had the 'balls' to walk into danger with eyes wide open. _

''_I was wondering when you were going to ask whatever you've been working up to asking.''_

_JJ looked up at her Mother, the seriousness in her features, swirling in her eyes, not fading as she did. She had gotten used to the awkwardness that being more educated and more experienced than her parents had caused. That, amongst other things. They weren't stupid people, what her Mom had said just now proved it. But they constantly believed that she thought they were, or at least, that she was smarter. They never realised that when she needed answers, when she needed a break or just needed to break away and feel something again, home is where she came. Sometimes it wasn't that often, due to the frequency of her work, but when she could she would. In the very least she would call. However, that never seemed to occur to her parents. They assumed an awful lot about her._

_JJ studied her Mother. Constance Jareau, or Connie to most, was a slim woman with sandy coloured hair and brown eyes. She was an attracted woman, most of the town agreed on that. She had been popular in high school, a cheerleader, and had been homecoming queen and everything associated. She had been disappointed when JJ showed absolutely no interest in those things. Soccer and studying had come before anything else, not to the point of obscurity; JJ had still been popular because she was a nice girl. She hadn't been a bitch to anyone, and she hadn't been one to be part of the crowd either. JJ had been one of those rare people in high school that had been able to fluidly move between social groups and not be an outcast because of it._

''_Can you stop doing that and look at me please?''_

_At JJ's request, Connie sighed, her shoulders sagging lightly as she stopped washing the plate that was in her hand. Turning her head to look over her shoulder, she sent an irritated look toward the younger blonde._

''_Don't use that tone of voice with me Jennifer; I'm not your subordinate I'm your Mother. You're not at the FBI right now, so don't talk to me as though you are.''_

_JJ sighed, trying to stop the boiling irritation in the pit of her stomach and instead keep the peace. She rubbed her forehead as she flicked her eyes between her coffee and her Mother._

''_Then why don't you try talking to me like my Mother? I'm not trying to upset you I'm trying to talk to you, as your daughter. Can you just do that for me, please?''_

_JJ insisted and asked, almost hopefully. She hated the tension that could occur between them, but her Mother was a proud woman, until she could let go of things that had happened in the past it would always remain. _

_Connie pulled off the rubber gloves she had been wearing, tutting lightly as she huffed as though it was some great effort to stop washing up. JJ remained still and silent as her Mom took her own coffee from the side and walked to the table, pulling out her chair before sitting down. As she did, and after she set her coffee down, she locked eyes with her daughter._

''_Better?''_

_JJ nodded._

''_Yes, thank you.''_

_For a moment she stalled. She had been sat at the table since breakfast, just thinking. Now that she had her Mother's undivided attention, she paused, not knowing what to say. She had been ready a moment ago, but under the watchful eyes of her Mom it wasn't easy. This wasn't some suspect or witness she was talking to, just like she had pointed out. She wasn't one of her colleagues. It probably would have been easier if it were. _

''_Spit it out Jenny.''_

''_Why didn't you and Dad ever split up?''_

_JJ blurted out, biting the bullet at her Mother's behest. She had looked down into her coffee again, but as she asked she looked up again. The question had been in her head for years, she was surprised she had made it to almost 30 without asking._

''_What kind of question is that?''_

''_The kind that I need you to answer.''_

''_Jennifer…''_

_JJ shook her head, effectively stopping any clever dance of words around the subject. There was a reason she was so good with the press, she had grown up watching her parents skirt around a hundred and odd issues._

''_Mom, please. You owe me an explanation.''_

_Connie drew her head back with a huff of defiant offense, but also with a hint of fear._

''_I owe you no such thing young lady.''_

_JJ nodded firmly._

''_Yes you do, Mom. I need to know why you stayed with him. I need to know if you ever loved him.''_

_Connie stood up sharply, raising her chin._

''_Of course I love him.''_

''_You say that like it's supposed to be obvious, like we're just supposed to know. Well we don't, I don't. What the hell did you think your children thought Mom? That we didn't notice anything? You and Dad put us through hell, do you know that? Did you ever stop to think about us? About what you were doing to us? You damn well do owe me an explanation.''_

_JJ had tried to stay calm but now she had opened the door she let the hurt and the lack of understanding, the betrayal even, pour out. She had never really been overly confrontational toward her parents, because really, it would never have done any good. But her life had veered off the tracks and she needed answers. She needed to know if the things she had seen and heard as a child had helped her to fall onto this path. She needed to know if she had been so badly wounded that she had made a huge mistake, that she was somehow repeating their patterns. _

_The blonde Agent panted lightly, the silence deafening after she had shouted so loudly. At some point she had stood up too, giving her own look of defiance, as she was unwilling to back down. She wasn't a kid any more. _

''_I love your Father, Jenny. And he loves me.''_

_Connie replied quietly, briefly looking at JJ before letting her eyes fall anywhere else._

''_Then why all the deceit? How can you love someone, marry them and make a family with them, and betray them? So openly Mom, neither of you were exactly the height of stealth.'' _

_As her Mother's tone had dropped, so had JJ's. Still with the brunt of pain and confusion, but she wasn't shouting anymore, and that was an improvement._

''_Jennifer if you have to ask me that then you haven't fallen in love before. Because I do love your Dad. We made a commitment to each other, for better and worse. Things have happened in this family that maybe they shouldn't have, but we handled it the best we could. But you don't just forget a commitment like that. We both understood the decisions we made.''_

_JJ flailed, biting her lip briefly as she sucked in a breath, trying desperately to withhold the tears that were stinging her eyes._

''_I don't! Do you know what it was like growing up wondering why your Mommy was sleeping with your Math teacher and Daddy was screwing anything in a skirt? Everyone knew Mom, everyone. Why didn't one of you just leave? So you're the best of friends, so what? You made a commitment sure, but you didn't stick by it did you? You lied, and you cheated, and we're the ones that paid. You both acted like fucking schoolchildren, you made your excuses and went off to please yourselves, not once did you think of us or how we felt. Not once did you worry about the example you were setting for us. Why, why didn't you just get a divorce, it would have been easier.''_

_The shouting started again, and this time JJ could feel it in her chest. The solid, heavy thickness that she had been carrying around for so long. She couldn't help getting upset or angry, and she was aware that she was disrespecting her Mother by standing in her kitchen and demanding to know such personal details of her life, but she did deserve them. All she wanted was the truth. All she wanted was some guidance on how to handle what she felt, and what she had been prepared to do. Something that just like her brother, just like her siblings, had vowed never ever to do because of how they were raised. Not at all a bad childhood, but not exactly the picture perfect one either. They hadn't wanted a perfect one, but committed parents might have been nice._

''_Divorce isn't an option Jennifer. So we made mistakes, we're human. You're Father and I are wonderful companions, and we do love each other no matter what you think. Who are you to cast judgements on us? We showed you how to be a family, how to stand by your choices and decisions. We gave you kids everything we had, love and warmth and safety. You had food on the table; you had a roof over your head. By a lot of people's standards you had a pretty damn good childhood. And we supported you with every decision you ever made, even if we didn't agree with it. Nothing is ever enough for you, is it? You judge what you have no understanding of. If you're not happy with your life then don't blame it on us, it's on you.''_

_JJ let a breath out, ever so slightly bitter that her Mom was lashing out at her, more so at how close to home she hit. Her hand gripped the back of her chair, her elbow locked as her arm kept her propped up. Frankly, she needed the support._

''_That's not what I'm saying Mom. I'm not trying to judge you I'm trying to understand. Wouldn't you have been happier?''_

''_Without your Dad? No!''_

_There was a pause; a silent understanding of truce as voices lowered and both women took a moment to breathe. It had always been a family joke that the Jareau women were opinionated and passionate, strong and outspoken. They usually didn't lack the confidence to speak their minds, and when it came to this case of Mother and daughter, it had never been truer. _

''_You could have had the relationship you had without staying together. You say you made a commitment to each other, that much is true. But I just don't see how you can say you stood by it. Stood by your choices, because you were both sleeping around. Do you not get that? How can your commitment have been upheld when you were in someone else's bed?'' _

''_You don't understand.''_

_JJ shook her head in agreement._

''_No you're right, and I'm trying to. Explain it to me Mom, because I'd really love to know. You can't stand there and tell me you were happy.''_

_Constance looked at her daughter. JJ had always been different. Out of all her kids, it had always been JJ that had always done her own thing. She had never followed anybody, and she had never led anybody either. She was resourceful and smart and so damn perceptive. Out of all the kids, Connie had to admit she had always known that their infidelity had affected her the worst. Jennifer was right, she was owed an explanation._

''_I was, we were and still are. It's just…sometimes it's not enough. Sometimes you can have almost everything to offer someone, you can connect and have a soul mate, but you need something more. Love isn't all eclipsing Jenny; it's not some big romantic movie plot. You choose a companion to make a life with, passion you can find anywhere, it comes and goes. But companionship, that's hard to find. Someone that understands you, that you feel most comfortable around in your worst hour. That's true love. Your Dad and I know each other; we trust each other to raise our kids. And we've been through too much to let that go. We made a baby that isn't with us now; do you think anyone else understands that? Understands the feelings we have for every single one of you? We don't always understand you but by god we love you, and that we can't share with anyone else but each other. That's true love Jenny. You don't have to have everything, you can have most of it and the rest…well, the rest doesn't matter.'' _

_JJ shook her head, part of her regretting asking the questions and having the need to know. Because now she did, she didn't like what she was hearing._

''_But you're supposed to share everything, not just settle. You're supposed to have that companionship, the love, the trust, and the passion. It is supposed to be all encompassing, not just if and when. You don't stay with someone just because you can turn to them in your darkest hour.''_

_Connie smiled almost sadly, approaching her daughter to raise her hand up to her face so she could wipe away the escaped tears. It wasn't often that anyone saw JJ so wounded, so shattered._

''_You're so young Jennifer, so smart but so clueless too. I thought you would've understood doing the job you do, what it means to have that rock when you most need it. Have you never been so knocked down that you needed someone that knew you, knew your essence, to be there for you?''_

_The blonde nodded, peering at her Mother almost childlike and needy. She swallowed hard, a harder, darker edge dancing into her eyes. She had needed someone. She had needed someone just like her Mom was describing. It's just; she hadn't turned to the person that her Mother was describing._

''_Yes, I have.''_

''_Then you should be able to understand. I couldn't live without that, without your Dad to turn to, to share with. Could you really sacrifice that for an empty notion like passion? Love beats passion, every time, and people may believe they can have both but that is so rarely the case. Who did you turn to JJ? Because I guarantee you, that's who you're supposed to be with. If you have passion in your life as well then good for you, hold onto it. But don't you dare judge us for choosing love over it rather than instead of it. That's what we've taught you, that's the commitment. You stay with the one you love, the one you turn to. The one that knows who you are.''_

_Or had she?_

XXX

It was the soft, pale light that you could only glimpse just after dawn that stirred the blonde. It was a reluctant awakening, though soft and calm, but JJ didn't want to leave the state of comfort that she had been enjoying. Her whole body was relaxed, satisfied, in all honesty she had never felt so fulfilled, so content. It felt as though she could breathe, as if the monsters that they dealt with everyday didn't exist.

The early morning light stole through the vast window of Emily's bedroom, casting a beautiful, ethereal glow upon the city below. It was a truly breathtaking site to wake up to, a reminder of what beauty was out there for them to see. JJ had never seen the city quite at this angle, and certainly not from the position of a lover's bed, tangled up in limbs and the bed sheet, still wrapped in the warmth of the atmosphere that had held them.

It was a feeling that had become uncommon to her, to wake up so…so…peacefully, to feel her body hum, her chest light and the weight on her shoulders gone. To have her mind at rest, the frantic pace of her thoughts having slowed down so much they were almost still. It was a tranquil experience, one that transcended both her body and her mind.

JJ felt alive, truly alive with currents of electric running through her. They penetrated deep into her bones, relieving them from any weight and ache they had previously held. In a way, she almost felt weightless. As though if she hadn't have been pinned down by Emily's arm and leg, she would float right off the bed. It was a curious yet wonderful sensation to have.

In the blonde's stomach, butterflies were trying to make her fly. The thought of it reminded Emily of her observation, JJ had never admitted it but the older woman had nailed it. Not because she was a profiler, but because she noticed these things. Because she didn't look at her and take her for face value, Emily didn't stop there; she looked to the depths and beyond. She was observant, and what's more she wanted to see, she wanted to learn.

Emily Prentiss was an intense woman, in many more ways than one. As JJ had found out last night, it wasn't just the physical that she wanted, not just the sexual or the intimate. It was a combination that she sought. The blonde had never felt intimacy on the level that she had felt it last night, never felt so connected to anyone. Emily hadn't watched her to check that she was getting off; she had watched her to see inside. To learn her secrets, her deepest self that remained unknown and undiscovered, untouched and alone.

Emily had worshipped her, that was the only word JJ could get close to describing how it had felt last night. They had moved together as though it was second nature, as though they had made the dance many times before. It had been perfectly in tune, just how it was supposed to be and everything she had imagined and so much more. And looking at Emily now, turning her head to let her sleepy eyes roam over the brunette's peaceful and slumbering face, JJ didn't think the view outside compared to the view of Emily. She was even more breathtaking, especially in this state, so peaceful and natural.

The brunette hadn't had anything to prove last night, she had gone with the instincts and she had let JJ go with hers. It had been harmonious, and JJ thought she could quickly get addicted to that. She was already addicted to Emily, and if she spent the rest of her life just in this bed, making love to her, it would be a life well spent.

Unfortunately thought, she couldn't spend forever here. As much as she wanted to hide away from the world and curl into Emily and float back to sleep, she couldn't. As much as she wanted to spend all day in her arms, touching her, tasting her, she couldn't. Unfortunately the bliss of something new, something good, had to be put on hold. Because as always, they had work to deal with.

It had been the buzzing of her phone that had started her process of waking up. It was on silent, but she had heard it buzz from somewhere nearby, recognising it immediately. So, running a hand along the skin of Emily's face, JJ indulged in watching her for a moment longer. It made her heart sing to see the brunette so peaceful and it caused her to smile lightly, before she lowered her head and placed a kiss on the side of her temple. Gently, she began to untangle herself from the older woman. Evidently Emily was so fast asleep that she didn't stir all that much, and JJ made sure to be quiet as she went about finding the trail of clothes that had been left last night.

After she had managed to find everything and got dressed, JJ looked around the apartment. She really did love it here, it was truly Emily. Finding a notepad near the phone on the table, she grabbed it along with a pen, quickly scribbling down a few words before walking up the stairs again and entering the bedroom. She had to stifle a chuckle at the way Emily had sprawled out as she had been gone, and after she put the note on the pillow next to her, she leant down and once again placed a delicate kiss on the brunette's head.

Even with only a couple of hour's sleep, as JJ stepped into the fresh air of the morning, she had never felt so refreshed in her life.

It was almost two hours later, as the sun had gotten a little stronger in the sky and the air had continued to warm, that Emily stirred. With the bang to the head she had been out for the count, seriously in need of some recuperation time. Emily considered her night with JJ part of that time.

Unbeknownst to her, Emily awoke with very similar feelings running through her. Somewhat groggy due to her head, but so very relaxed at the same time. All in all, she felt glorious, and last night had been glorious. It had been everything she had dreamt of and more, and it felt like she had been holding her breath this whole time, right up until last night. She felt like JJ had let her breathe.

The happy, sated, sleepy brunette drew in a haphazard breath as she lifted her hand to wipe across her face, letting the breath out again as she turned her head slightly. Frowning upon seeing no one there, she manoeuvred her body onto her body onto its side, instantly disappointed that JJ wasn't lying there. She wasn't just not lying there, the side of the bed was cold, and there seemed to be no sign of the blonde.

The panic immediately hit her. Did JJ regret last night? Was she upset? Would she ever talk to her again? What did this mean for their relationship, their working relationship even? All the questions caused a thickness in Emily's head that she shook slightly to try and get right again. That's when she saw it.

Sitting up, Emily reached for the piece of paper that she recognised came from the message pad next to her phone downstairs. Picking it up, the questions immediately quelled as a small smile spread across her face as she saw JJ's neat, curved writing.

_Em,_

_Didn't have the heart to wake you, you looked so peaceful and beautiful and you need the rest. Remember what Hotch said, come in late. So eat something, take your time and I will see you there._

_Last night was…phenomenal._

_JJ xxx_

Emily read the note three times, letting the words sink in. It wasn't an angry or upset note; there wouldn't even be a note if JJ felt like that. And suddenly the worries and panic tapered, in their place a floating sense of lightness and happiness. Pangs of hope and everything associated fluttered in her stomach, making her flop back down onto her back, still clutching the note with a smile on her face.

XXX

''JJ seems happy today.''

Rather than concentrating on his work, the one file he had taken off the top of his small pile spread out across his desk, Derek Morgan had been letting his eyes follow his colleague. He had always liked JJ; she was trustworthy, funny, hard working and honest. He had pretty much always known where he stood with JJ and he admired her for what she did. They had gotten closer as friends in the last couple of years, which was nice, given that they both understood they were private people. But he thought he knew her quite well, he had spent time with her in and outside of work.

Morgan remembered when JJ had been introduced to the team. She had been polite, observant, sweet and a little quiet. Briefly, Morgan had wondered if JJ would fit in, a unit like theirs was full on intense, and JJ's job required all of that intensity; it wouldn't suit a quiet person. However, it hadn't been long until the blonde had let the team know exactly what she was made of. Within the day she had taken control of everything, and since then she had only progressed.

It had been after their first couple of cases that JJ was comfortable enough to reveal that she was in a relationship with a woman.

They had already dealt with two gruelling cases, as well as the cases they had overlooked in-between. It had been late as the team were sat around talking, no one able to sleep, and most of them with a tip of whiskey or some such liquor. Morgan remembered it as clear as day; just talking quietly with his colleagues to try and stop the thoughts that would haunt them all if they let them. It had been a gruesome case of warped love and twisted desires; something they all agreed on they didn't need in their heads to go home to any significant other's with.

It had been of course himself that had pried into JJ's personal life, asked her if she had a significant other. He remembered clearly her mysterious blue eyes buzzing with enigmatic electricity, a barely there smirk on her lips as she looked at him over her glass. She was curled up in an old, comfy armchair, looking warm and cosy and even serene. For what they were feeling at the time he always remembered it because of the contrast.

With her softly spoken words, the electric still in her eyes and the smirk still colouring her lips, JJ had replied that she did indeed have a significant other. Though with soft words it had been with a comfortable confidence that JJ had revealed that she was dating a cop from Baltimore…not just any cop, but a woman. JJ had clearly been interested in their reaction, but she had definitely not been overly reserved about it. In fact, she had smiled further on the subject of her girlfriend, just conversationally putting out there that she was gay, and that she was happy.

Morgan remembered thinking then that she did seem happy. He had seen her in many social settings, as they all took moments to goof around at work, he had seen her with Delilah and he had often observed how happy they were together. How they would look at one another. He really liked Delilah, she was good people, and it was obvious how much she adored JJ.

The thing was, Morgan didn't think he had ever seen JJ…glow, quite as much as she was doing now. And the fact that he had no idea why intrigued him to no end.

''Why is that unusual? JJ's usually happy.''

Reid muttered around the pen that was stuck in his mouth, unlike Morgan his attention was still on his file. There was a small frown across his forehead as he scanned the pages of his file quickly.

''Dude, have you seen her?''

Morgan looked at the younger man, it was obvious that Reid had barely looked up from his work given that he had already whizzed through three of his files. The air of absence was lingering in the genius' tone, making it more apparent that he was thinking less about the conversation and more about the facts flying around his head.

''Not yet, no.''

''Well look.''

Sighing, Reid blinked as though he needed the transition for ripping his eyes away from the pages to instead scan the bullpen. Almost immediately, he spotted JJ near the kitchenette speaking to another Agent. She had a delightful, warming smile on her face; her eyes shone so brightly that the sun streaming through the windows couldn't compete. Indeed she seemed to glow, vibrant and radiant even more so than usual. To be honest, now Reid had looked up, it was hard to look away, she was transfixing.

''Okay, I see what you mean.''

''The rest of us are exhausted from Milwaukee, but JJ's on fire. Damn!''

Morgan leant back in his chair, letting out an appreciative sigh as she folded his hands behind his head; not hiding in the least bit his staring toward JJ. Beyond his attraction though was interest, even fascination. Morgan sensed that there was something afoot, and he wanted to know what. He had a few theories, a couple that he hoped weren't true, and a couple he did.

However, Morgan's dreamy eyed look didn't last for long as the pain and surprise from a file being smacked across the back of his head pulled him out of his daze. He hadn't seen his attacker approaching from behind, but as he heard a snicker from Reid he caught a glimpse of bright clothing and knew immediately who had hit him.

''Eyes front Angelfish.''

The savvy computer whiz ordered quietly, not angrily but with a depth of thoughtfulness and something else he couldn't quite make out. It didn't surprise Morgan that Garcia seemed to know what he had been doing, and why. He watched, mouth-hanging open as he rubbed his head, his witty comment falling short as he watched Penelope sit on the edge of a desk, opening the file not to look in it but to look over it toward her friend.

''Is something going on?''

Morgan enquired, looking at his friend intently. Garcia's eyes moved toward him, and then she looked at Reid who was looking at her with interest as well. Sighing, she looked back toward JJ. A surge of guilt swept through her, a hot and heavy pain of responsibility. There was something going on, of course there was. There was only one reason in the world that JJ was how she was right now, and Garcia felt the burden of practically giving her best friend that permission. On the flip side, she had never seen JJ like this before. They hadn't even spoken, but even from across the room you could see, could tell, that she was. The vibe was clear, and it was nice to see. If in any other circumstance, Garcia would be smiling and rejoicing that JJ had found someone to make her so happy. But when it wasn't the one that she was in a relationship with, it was hard to join in her happiness.

''The world is going on, Sweet Cheeks.''

The eccentric blonde mumbled, her eyes following JJ as she bouncily walked out of the bullpen and turned in the direction of her office. As she sighed, she just stared toward the glass doors for a moment, and it was almost as if on cue that the reason of JJ's demeanour this morning rounded the corner and pushed her way in through the doors. Garcia hoped and prayed that the boys wouldn't notice that Emily had the exact same radiance and vibe about her as JJ did.

''Look who finally decided to join us!''

Emily simply scoffed at Morgan's ridicule and rolled her eyes at him as she placed her box down on top of her desk. To be honest, it was a relief to be standing here. Just the other day she had thought it would never happen again. The smell of stale coffee and the ringing of phones and background chatter were actually quite pathetically soothing, and the pile of work that JJ had left on her desk was even comforting. It was official; she was weird and a complete geek.

''Shut up Morgan!''

''How's your head Emily?''

Reid asked curiously, seeing that Emily still had a bandage on her head, although this one much smaller and discrete, she had obviously changed it. She didn't seem to look too worse for wear though, in fact, she looked good. Really good. Rested even. Reid assumed that her injury must have made her lapse into a deeper sleep. Getting conked on the head could do that.

''It's feeling a little better, thank you Reid.''

The brunette smiled appreciatively, Reid had a dopily sweet smirk on his face that told her he genuinely cared. Quickly she unpacked the things she had taken when she had quit and dropped the box under the desk. For a moment, she didn't notice the three pair of eyes looking at her. Although, as she did, she became a little self conscious, starting to pad herself down to see what they were looking at.

''What? What is it?''

The concerned profiler asked obliviously, patting her head gently to see if her hair was sticking up. It was quite hilarious in itself to see Emily Prentiss looking so clueless and sweetly checking if she had missed something.

''We heard what you did for us.''

''Huh?''

Was the ungraceful reply to Morgan's explanation.

''We found out why you quit, Em.''

Reid supplied quietly. Emily took a breath in and nodded, not so surprised that they had.

''You were stupid, but it was pretty awesome. Thanks girl. We could've gotten into some serious heat if you decided not to be so loyal.''

Morgan stated, getting a nod from Reid in agreement.

''Well I am…loyal I mean. I wouldn't drop you guys in it, we're a team.''

''Yeah Emily, we're a team. Next time, come to us before you quit, okay?''

Emily couldn't help but smirk at Morgan's boyish 'telling off' but saw the sparkle in his eyes. It had been a hard decision to quit this team, and not just because of JJ. But it had indeed been the only thing she could think of to do to keep her friends safe from Strauss, and also maybe actually prove herself once and for all. It was one of her nightmare moments of life, however, and she knew that she would simply have gone crazy working elsewhere.

''Deal.''

Emily laughed at Morgan's beaming smile as he raised his fist in indication for her to bump hers against, which she did. Reid smiled sweetly as Garcia only smirked, looking on with a kindness in her eyes yet the weight of something within her eyes too. Although, it didn't really register with Emily as she tried to subtly glance around the bullpen.

It wasn't that she didn't want to stand here and talk to these guys, she did. In truth one of the best part of her mornings was when she got to joke around with Morgan and Reid, especially with Garcia and JJ when they were in the bullpen. But after last night all she wanted to do was find the blonde, all she wanted to do is be near her. Briefly she wondered if they could see it, the electric running over her skin that JJ had left there, the need in her eyes, the almost bounce in her step. It was as though she couldn't contain herself to keep still, and although part of her was aware that it could be suspicious, she didn't give a damn.

''Have you guys seen JJ?''

The brunette wondered trying to be nonplussed. So far nothing had seemed to be noticed, and if it had, Emily thought that her friends had passed it off as excitement to be back. Morgan was occupying himself now by throwing little balls of paper at Reid's head, to which Garcia chuckled lightly. The technical whiz had yet to speak, and although she looked amused, she also looked thoughtful. Emily didn't really think much about why.

''Oh, she just went back into her office.''

Reid informed as he threw a piece of paper back at Morgan, pretending to be irritated by his antics. Emily backed away slowly, leaving the boys bickering childishly. She began to feel her heart thump against her chest as she passed her fellow colleagues as she walked to the glass doors, pushing her way through to step into the corridor. No one was any the wiser, no one knew their secret. No one knew that JJ's touches still burned across her skin, lingering there to remind her every second of every minute what she had done to her body. It was as though the blonde had branded her, now she was hers and she couldn't not be near her for another second.

It had been a long time since she had felt a buzz like this in her stomach. It had been a long time since she had felt truly dizzy, truly electrified and dare she say it, happy. The step that she had taken with JJ made her happy, it made the butterflies she had always thought were corny flap in her stomach and made her smirk for absolutely no reason.

As Emily neared JJ's door, which was open just a crack, the profiler glanced around to find the hall relatively empty. There were a few suits up by the elevator but that was about it, so the brunette snuck in through the door, carefully closing it and turning the lock quietly. There were three offices that had locks on them in the BAU, JJ's, Hotch's and Garcia's. Not even Gideon had a lock, though he barely closed his door so it didn't really matter. At the thought of Gideon, Emily briefly wondered when their wounded leader would show his face back in the BAU, however, as she looked at JJ all those thoughts stopped. Every thought stopped, every single whisper within her head, all her instincts and all her faculties ceased. All she could think about was the blonde beauty before her, all she could do was remember last night, and the sheer memories alone filled all her senses. She could feel JJ, she could taste her and smell her and it made her feel like she was floating. That was a new sensation for her, and all of a sudden she felt like a teenager again, goofily over excited.

JJ was stood by some cabinets at the side of her office; right next to the door that Emily had no idea what lead to. The younger Agent hadn't heard her enter and still had her back to her, so Emily took the opportunity to watch her for a moment, the excitement bumping through her veins in her very blood.

The moment didn't last overly long, however, as Emily couldn't contain herself anymore. She snuck forward, smirking mischievously as she slid her hands along JJ's sides, making the blonde startle. She didn't resist though as she turned her head slightly to see who was touching her, and relaxed as those hands of Emily's slipped further around her to meet at her stomach, her arms pulling her back into the brunette.

''I didn't get the chance to say good morning earlier, so good morning.''

Emily whispered lightly but quite seductively into JJ's ear as the younger woman continued to lean back into her comfortably, whatever she had been doing with her filing cabinet happily forgotten.

''Well you looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake you, plus…you needed the rest. It's not like you followed your Doctor's orders and got some sleep!''

The blonde drawled sarcastically with a smugly triumphant smile tugging on her lips. Emily chuckled softly as she squeezed the woman in her arms.

''Yeah, and whose fault is that?''

She teased back. This was the banter that she loved, a version of their old banter but now something more, something intimate. It was exactly what she had expected to happen and already she couldn't get enough. Things had only happened last night and she was already finding herself hooked on it. She loved to see JJ so easy and herself, just enjoying the moment, which was light and natural.

''Guilty!''

JJ admitted merrily before being spun around to face Emily, accepting the immediate kiss that followed it. God, it would be so easy to forget where they were, what they were supposed to be doing…or not doing, technically. But her heart was pounding and her palms were sweaty and she was even shaking, just ever so slightly. All she wanted to do right now is live in Emily's kiss, just be in her arms and have the world shut out.

''Em…wait…not here.''

It took an awful lot of willpower to break the contact, pulling away just enough to stop the kisses. Emily opened her mouth to question her, the confusion written along her face as she frowned slightly, but JJ shook her head. Taking Emily's hand, she opened the 'mystery' door, pulling the older woman into the space beyond.

For a second, Emily couldn't help but look around as she was yanked into the space. She had often been in JJ's office but had never ventured to find out what was behind this door. As it turned out, it was half a storage space, and half a closet. Mostly storage though. There were floor to ceiling shelves on two of the walls, stacked full with boxes of files. There were also two huge, tall file cabinets which were probably filled with the same things, then one more smaller cabinet with 'contacts/outlets' written across it in JJ's neat writing. Then there was a small section with a simple, steel rail on wheels that had a couple of outfits of the blonde's hung there neatly, a coat, and a box of something on the floor next to some shoes. Obviously 'emergency clothes', along with her go bag.

Before Emily could say anything about it however, she found herself being pulled into another kiss as JJ cupped her face in her hands. It was deep and heated and the type of kiss that was fused with excitement, unabashed wanting, just like she had been feeling a moment ago. The feelings of absolute desperate need to be touching, to be kissing, after the few hours they had spent apart.

It was JJ that pushed Emily up against the door, pressing her body into hers, enjoying the feel of the heat between them. Emily's mouth was so soft and hot, the feel of her lips was like velvet and she couldn't get enough. She couldn't get enough of the brunette's hands on her side, clutching, pulling her closer. Right now she felt like she would spontaneously combust, everything in her whirling and pulsing, all because of Emily. Her body had literally not come alive like this for as long as she could remember, possibly never.

''God I missed you.''

Emily muttered against JJ's mouth, her breathing ragged and shallow. She felt JJ nod sloppily, resting her head against her own.

''I missed you too.''

''No regrets?''

JJ shook her head this time.

''No, no regrets.''

Emily kissed the blonde again, this time softly and sweetly. It would be her dream right now to stay right here and hide from the world, just spend all day kissing JJ. However, she was aware that they were currently at work, and she also had to see Hotch before she started any kind of work.

''I wish we could stay in here all day.''

The profiler voiced softly.

''If wishes were horses, right? Besides, who says we can't slip in here from time to time?''

Emily snickered in amusement, once again letting her eyes roam around the space they were stood in.

''Yeah, this could definitely come in handy for us. How come I didn't know this was here before?''

JJ looked around too, shrugging as she did.

''Why would you? Not many people do so…yeah, it probably will come in handy for us!''

She agreed in a chuckle. As much as she loved her colleagues and everything, they still had no real idea what she did when she wasn't around them. She didn't mind, but it just seemed to fit that hardly anyone would know that beyond the door in her office would sit files and files of cases. Cases that had been closed, cases that were still active, cases from long ago. She had every active case on watch, there would always be a flag go up if anything happened, but the likelihood of many of them ever doing now was a long shot. Victims would go unfound, killer never to receive justice. And although her Blackberry was full of contacts, it couldn't hold all of them. JJ kept every contact, every person she had ever spoken to, and every person her predecessor had spoken to, every significant event that had happened within the media. If questioned, JJ could account for almost every box of files, even most of the individual files, stored in here. It was what she did.

''You keep clothes here?''

The blonde shrugged.

''Well, yeah. We do so many all nighters, things happen, and I still have to stand in front of a camera. I need them here.''

Emily nodded, it made sense and it was so very JJ. Smiling, she leant forward and kissed the other woman softly once again before letting out a sigh.

''I should go, Hotch'll be wondering where I am.''

JJ smiled warmly, nodding as her piercing blue eyes shone brightly as she lifted her hands to straighten out some of Emily's glossy dark hair where her fingers had ruffled it slightly.

''Go!''

Emily ducked in for another kiss, making JJ laugh into her mouth even as she tried to push her off as she manoeuvred Emily by the door so she could open it.

''Go!''

The blonde ordered again, still chuckling as she pushed the brunette out of the door. She closed it behind her, smiling at the giggling she heard from the other side. A little breathless, the FBI Agent leant against the wood for a moment, trying to get a grip on herself. If she didn't settle herself down she'd be too buzzed to sit and do her work. It wasn't easily helped though, Emily was like a drug. She never wanted to give her up.

XXX

_The small orchard was quiet, the light breeze shuffling through the leaves of the trees as the birds sang their songs happily, oblivious to the complications of the world below them. How freeing it must be to be a bird, nothing holding you back, able to simply take flight and soar above everything. Just able to glide along the wind, so peaceful and wonderful. _

_Right now, JJ wouldn't mind that life. Wouldn't mind shedding her human self to be one of them, to join them in flight, to forget about the complications and the weight, the evil and depravity. But she couldn't, what's more she wouldn't. Oddly enough, JJ knew she was far too attached to this life of hers, however hard it could get. She knew that evil and depravity was not the only thing this world had to offer, that people had to offer. Along with those she had seen some truly amazing things, and people constantly surprised not just her but themselves too. There was good in this world, good in people, life just had a talent at fucking you up and throwing you in the deep end of the waters. _

''_I don't know, this is the first time I've ever felt so lost Tar. I thought I knew who I was, and what I wanted. I thought I was happy with what I had…now? Now I'm just not so sure.'' _

_JJ sighed softly. She was enjoying the warm sun that she was lying in, comfortable on the soft grass as she looked up toward the sky. God it was so very quiet around here, it was like a sanctuary. One arm was bent up so her head could rest on it; the other was fingering the necklace around her throat. _

''_The last time I felt anything remotely like this was when you left. I didn't understand Tarrin, I was too young. I hated you for so long, what did you expect me to do? I was a child; I just thought you didn't love us. Love me. But I know you did. I do understand, I wish you were here, I wish I would have been the older one so you could have turned to me. Maybe I could have stopped you, maybe I couldn't. We'll never know. But I don't hate you anymore, I love you, and I miss you. And I bet your up there right now floating in the winds and laughing at me for fucking up my whole life, right?''_

_JJ sighed again. She let her eyes glance from the azure of the sky toward the plaque that had been placed for her older sister. She had spent a lot of time here; it had been one of her favourite places, so it seemed only right that she was left to rest here. _

''_I can't wrap my head around this Tar, I can't. If it weren't for Delilah, I'd be with you now. She saved my life; she's the reason I'm breathing. And she loves me…sometimes she has a shitty way of showing it but that's not her fault, she does the best she can. And it's not always this hard; it hasn't always been this hard. We've shared things, good things. I can't accept that it was never real Tarrin, it hurts too much. When I wonder if I made a mistake…if I only thought I loved her because of what she did for me…it makes me feel sick. I can't take that; I can't be responsible for that. I can't hurt her like that, not after she gave me everything. I owe her my life, I fucking owe her my life I can't keep doing this. I can't keep letting Emily get to me like this, it's insane. I can't keep letting her see the things no one else sees, she just…god she's so good at it, it's so easy to let her. I don't know how to stop this…I don't know how to not want her; I don't know how to get her out from under my skin, where Delilah should be. I don't have the strength to keep fighting Tarrin, I don't. I need help and there's no one to give it, everyone loves Del so much, they don't see anything else apart from what she did, how she acts in front of them. So what do I do? How the hell do I stop all of this?''_

XXX

Emily couldn't help but stare, couldn't help her eyes roam and explore and imagine the skin that lay beneath the confinements of material. Yesterday she had crossed those confinements, removed that material so that she didn't have to imagine what the skin looked like underneath. She had been able to see for herself, discover for her safe. Her eyes, her lips, her tongue, had all explored that smooth, honeycomb skin that mesmerised and consumed. She was proof enough; after all she was sitting here thinking about it. Sitting within a busy office no less, with profiler's surrounding her and the always curious and inquiring minds of nosey FBI Agent's and general staffers alike.

It wasn't as if no one ever looked at Jennifer Jareau with want in their eyes. In fact, contrary to JJ's belief, it happened a hell of a lot. If she wasn't getting flirted with, she was getting outright hit on, if she wasn't getting hit on, she was being adored or getting stared at. Emily was convinced that if not for her easygoing, sweet nature, more women would be envious and even jealous of her. It wasn't a stretch of any woman's imagination to think that JJ could ultimately steal their man. However, because JJ was JJ, that threat didn't seem to occur to too many of the said women around the office. That, and JJ's relatively open and casual attitude toward the secrecy – or lack thereof – of her sexuality. It wasn't exactly a secret, but it wasn't broadcasted either. Though Emily knew that rumours had picked up after Delilah's appearance that day.

The point was, everyone knew that JJ was a looker. That JJ was a steal, and could steal. That JJ was desired after, wanted, and so much more. Yet she was such a nice person that it didn't cause confliction. So it made Emily wonder if everyone knew what she had done with JJ last night, would it cause just a little? Most likely. If JJ were so coveted after then it would mean that she would be the subject of much jealousy that she had gotten to do more than stare.

Every fibre in her right now was on fire. She could feel the ghosts of JJ's touches, her kisses, her breath, and it made her shiver. All she wanted to do was drag JJ out of the BAU and to that convenient little closet in her office and have her way with her. However, that would be a little hard to do given that she was making her distributions, talking to various Agents' along the way. Two junior Agents' flagged her down for help, and she was currently walking through something in the file and signing off at something else. Plus, Hotch was waiting on the walkway outside of his office, waiting for her as he beckoned her over though with no rush.

It was just typical that JJ had to be so damn busy!

''Jayj, do you have a moment to talk in my office?''

Emily ripped her eyes away from JJ, turning her head to watch Garcia walk up toward JJ, interrupting the soft mutterings of the small group the blonde was standing in.

''Oh...''

JJ snapped out of her concentration, blinking as though she had just snapped out of a daze. Lifting up her hand, he looked at her watch and frowned.

''Is it urgent?''

''No…not urgent.''

''Right now is not the best time Garcia, unless it's super important maybe I can squeeze you in. But I have to go over with some things with Hotch, we're kind of picking up some slack of Gideon's…we have a late meeting with Strauss and the Director, so…''

JJ began to explain in a very sweet, though professional ramble. It made Emily smirk; if possible JJ was all the hotter in her super professional, kick ass state. Things indeed had been a little chaotic around her, and JJ was all over it. Plus, she kept checking on Reid too, which the brunette found sweet too. They were all watching out for the kid, he wasn't staying much right now, but he would.

''It's okay, it can wait.''

JJ was simply too busy to notice the look in her best friend's eyes, but Emily wasn't. Glancing across the room with interest, she saw the knowledge in Garcia's perceptive orbs, she her watching JJ as the young woman went back to discussing whatever she had been with the junior Agent's. It didn't take a giant leap of faith for Emily to ascertain that Penelope Garcia didn't want to speak to JJ about work. It wasn't a huge jump to a conclusion to know that the computer analyst knew. And that thought made her stomach flip slightly. It wasn't that she thought Garcia would say anything around the office, but Emily wasn't exactly ready to have anyone else know either. And she was pretty sure that JJ felt the same way. Things had only just happened; the last thing they really needed was onlookers.

Emily quickly turned back to her work as Garcia began to turn, pretending not to have noticed anything. Though, as the quirky blonde passed her by, she could feel her eyes on her too.

It was at least half an hour when JJ managed to find her way out of Hotch's office, with a quick pace in her step and yet again glancing at her watch. Emily had gotten some work done, still squirming in her seat just a little as flashes of last night invaded her thoughts. But as soon as the door opened her head snapped up, and her thoughtful, watchful eyes followed the blonde down the stairs and across the bullpen. It was quieter now; many were leaving or getting ready to leave. Even Morgan was rattling around his desk in efforts to get out of here. Still, the blonde looked preoccupied, again not noticing that she was being watched.

But she was being watched, and as Emily spotted that JJ turned right out of the glass doors rather than left, the brunette shot up out of her seat, not bothering to say anything to the boys who looked at her in bewilderment. Instead, she quickened her pace to follow JJ out of the doors and down the hall. She made it into the large toilets just after JJ, and with a quick scan she saw that it was empty, all the stall doors open, meaning that they were alone.

Quickly, Emily snuck in behind JJ, making her squeal loudly as she wrapped her arms around her and guide her toward a stall, laughing as she did as well as trying to shush the blonde. Suddenly she felt like she was a kid sneaking into the janitor's closet to make out. The excitement and giddiness were mixing together to create a generous high, or was the high simply JJ? Either way, it was very intoxicating and very strong. Seemingly for the younger woman too, because she was giggling like a schoolgirl too.

''_Emily_! What're you doing?''

The blonde squeaked through her laughter, trying her best to not be too loud in case anyone heard from outside or happened to come into the bathroom. She was fairly confident that they probably wouldn't, it was finishing time and most people just made a break for the door at this time.

JJ let herself be turned around by the brunette so that she was pinned against the wall of the stall, watching as she locked the door behind them.

''_You_, my dear, have been driving me crazy all day!''

Emily drawled out, looking back to focus on JJ again. Their bodies were pressed in together, their faces, lips, mere inches apart. Close enough that they could feel each other's breath on their skin, could see the flickers within each other's eyes. JJ took in a long, purposeful breath, letting it out again in a long, lazy sigh as she stretched out her arms to loop around Emily's neck.

''Finding it hard to contain yourself, Prentiss?''

She teased lightly, finding it rather insanely hot that Emily had been thinking about her all day. It wasn't that she hadn't been thinking about Emily, but she'd had _so _much to do that she had been running around like a blue assed fly all day. Every time she turned around, someone had needed her; there had been files to go through, phone calls to take or return, meetings to fit in, reporters to yell at, and personnel to organise. It had been insane, all day long. In fact, now that she thought about it, JJ had forgotten to eat. Coffee had been her fuel today, and apart from one quick snack in the form of a muffin, she'd eaten nothing.

''Very.''

A shiver ran through JJ at the husky reply, and she accepted the kiss that the older woman leant in for to initiate. It was slow and long and deep, languid and glorious. Just what she had needed. Forgotten was her need to pee, instead all her body was infused by Emily, all her senses skyrocketing as she surrounded her.

''God you smell good.''

Emily mumbled as they finally parted for air. Never had she been affected so much by just a kiss, never had she experienced how it could quite be its own phenomena. She'd shared good kisses before, damn good ones, but they all paled in comparison to the event it turned into when it was Jennifer Jareau. As she tried to regain her breathing, her head nuzzling JJ's, she couldn't help but say her thoughts out loud as JJ's fragrance engulfed her.

JJ lifted Emily's head up to kiss her again, slower, but with as much depth and passion as before. If she could have it her way, she would stay in here and keep kissing her.

''Dinner? Tonight?''

The older woman suggested, wanting to have JJ all to herself without the threat of interruptions.

''I would love that, but I can't, Em. I have a late meeting, in about 5 minutes actually.''

Emily groaned as her head flopped onto the blonde's shoulder.

''How about tomorrow?

The younger Agent suggested quickly, just as keen as Emily was to spend some quality time together that didn't involve work. Hiding in closets and toilet stalls was all good and fun for a while, but it was just infuriating when your mind, body and soul were demanding something more than just a fleeting encounter.

''It's _far _too long, but okay!''

JJ chuckled lightly at Emily's reluctant and sweetly petulant response.

''Kiss me, Agent Prentiss.''

''You're wish is my command Agent Jareau.''

Dutifully, Emily did lean in and kiss JJ again. They remained there for a few minutes, finally pulling apart for both air, and as JJ started to gently ease Emily off of her. She laughed as Emily kept stealing kisses; right up until the moment that JJ pushed her gently out of the stall and closed the door behind her so that she could finally pee. It was bad enough that she would be going into her meeting with thoughts of Emily all over her; she couldn't be desperate for the toilet too.

As everybody began to trickle out, JJ simply prepared herself for more work. In her office, she made sure she had done her call-backs, checked her email again, and made one last quick distribution after she had straightened herself out. She hadn't worn her black, suit jacket all day, but for this meeting, after she made sure her crisp white shirt was straight and tucked into her black skirt properly, she slipped it on.

It turned out that it was indeed a long meeting. Forced time with Strauss, particularly after what she had tried to do with Emily and her interference in their last case, was not easy for JJ or Hotch. However, they had to dry swallow their anger and distrust to get through the work they needed to, along with a very detailed action plan for the BAU as well as overhauling a few procedures and some other different things. Some of it was tedious, some of it they got through easily, other's there were a clash of opinions. But finally they finished, when the hour was creeping late and it was dark outside.

JJ was exhausted. She acknowledged that she hadn't really slept much for at least a handful of days, and lately she had been on a rollercoaster of emotion. But things had improved; the step forward with Emily had made her settle. It felt right, it felt promising, and she couldn't get enough of that buzz. The buzz you got when you first started something truly special, and everything was stretched out on an exciting road before you.

And that's what she was thinking about as she finally reached her front door. Tired, hungry and of course lugging her satchel of work, JJ unlocked her front door and quickly stepped inside. Instantly the calm of the atmosphere engulfed her, making her feel warm and safe. She was home, finally. All she wanted to do was run a bath, have a little something to eat, and fall into a coma. She wondered if she should give Emily a call, just to say goodnight, but it was getting late and with the head injury and her own lack of sleep, JJ thought Emily might have slipped into her own coma for the night. Wrapped up in the sheets that they shared together last night.

Smirking, the blonde locked up her door for the night, and slipped out of her shoes. Lowering her satchel to the floor, she shuffled out of her coat and hung it up. She had been waiting to strip out of these clothes all damn day. They were comfortable, sure, but this morning she had gone straight from Emily's to get changed in her office and had been on the go ever since. Slipping into her camisole after her bath sounded perfect right now.

And it was with thoughts of maybe breaking out her best camisole to entice Emily with tomorrow night that she moved into the open living room of her apartment, only to stop dead in her tracks. Only to have the world that she had been living in all day come shattering around her feet.

The realisation of what she had been doing hit her like a hard punch in the chest, causing her breath to falter as the pain built up inside, making it hard to breathe. What the fuck had she been doing all day?

This wasn't some fledgling relationship; it wasn't the start of something special. She had no right to the buzz she had been feeling all day; she had no right to the hushed laughter in secret places as kisses were shared. She had no right to have been floating on cloud nine all day.

What she deserved was nothing, because she was a liar. She was a betrayer. This wasn't some romantic comedy it was a fucking affair. She had slept with another woman, a woman that was most definitely not her girlfriend. The woman that actually loved her, that had pledged her life to her, that had bled for her.

The woman that was stretched out on her couch, quietly sleeping with soft music on in the background and two low lamps to provide some light for when she came in. The woman that had obviously been waiting up for her.

JJ felt sick, her stomach twisted and knotted inside of her painfully as the sting of tears seeped into her eyes. Delilah hadn't woken up as she came in, thankfully, because if she looked at her right now she would know the truth. Or would she, maybe she just loved and trusted her so damn much that she would never dream she would go and fuck another woman. That feeling of sickness pushed into her harder at that thought. That she had betrayed her lover so very completely.

Rushing out of the room and through to the bathroom, JJ fell to her knees just in time to hang her head over the toilet bowl. It felt like burning bile and lava came rushing up from the bottom of her stomach, scorching up her throat and out into the bowl. Immediately her head thickened, pounding and screaming.

An urgency set in, a state of shock, as her mind tried to reject what she had done, what she had become, and the loss of something she had managed to hold onto until now. Shaking, she pulled herself up from the floor, wobbling slightly from the dizziness. She flushed the toilet, moving across the bathroom to reach into the shower and turn on the water. As it began to run, steam seeping into the room as the water heated up, JJ managed to strip off her clothes. Emily was all over her and she had to get her off. She had to get clean.

It didn't matter that the water burned, she deserved it and she needed it. She had to get her skin clean, she had to _be _clean. What if Delilah saw? What if she could tell? Emily was in her now, did that make her different? Would Delilah know because she was linked to her somehow, that's what happened right? She had given her blood for her, something tangible and physical that had almost cost her her life, and she had just betrayed all of that. Abused it. The water burnt as her body shook, the tears getting lost in the flood of the shower. She tried to be quiet but the sobs rolled out of her, and soon enough she didn't fight them as she leant her body against the cool of the tile.

What had she done? What had she turned into? Who the hell was she?


	12. Chapter 12

A/N - Just a thank you to all those that have been reading and all those that take the time to review in some way, I really appreciate it. I'm just writing the end of the story now, so hopefully a nice steady stream of updates till the end for you guys :)

XXX

Temptation.

Temptation is the act that seems appealing to someone, usually implying negatives that follow it like guilt and regret. Temptation is also a word that often describes actions that indicate a lack of self-control, even for the strongest minds. Throughout literature during any time, temptation has had severe consequences.

They say that temptation is a sin. They say that rather than the act itself, it's temptation that can ruin and destroy. No matter what the act, how sinful or heinous or wrong it is, temptation has to come first, right? So to do no wrong, you had to feel no temptation. You had to feel no urges, no desire, no feeling.

Was that human, feeling no temptation? Temptation also describes the coaxing or inducing a person into committing such an ac by manipulation or maybe curiosity, or again, desire, fear of loss. It's something that allures, excites and seduces.

The serpent offered these things, and forevermore temptation and curiosity, desire and the most basics of human emotions have been frowned upon. Even women have been frowned upon for committing such a terrible sin. For ruining paradise. Woman suffered temptation, therefore temptation ruined paradise because Eve wasn't strong enough to resist.

JJ thought she and Eve had something in common.

A paradise had been broken, the paradise of a secure, stable relationship. A relationship that had survived turbulence and distance, fights and grievances, for five years. A relationship that had just happened, just sneaked up and formed itself. Blood had spilled for it, bonding them closer than ever.

Whatever their problems, whatever their difficulties, JJ believed that there _must _have been something sustaining her relationship with Delilah. The girl had sacrificed for her because she loved her. Because she couldn't stand the thought of this world without her breathing in it. So some things weren't perfect, Delilah wasn't perfect, but people weren't meant to be, were they? JJ had lost sight of everything; she had been blinded by temptation, by infatuation.

See infatuation could lead to temptation too, and she had been poisoned by it. Possessed by curiosity, cursed by desire.

Emily was her temptation. Emily was her serpent. Emily was her downfall.

Why couldn't she just be happy with what she had? Why couldn't she just settle down, appreciate the love that she had and live the life that she had _because_ of who she was with? Why did she have to put herself through this torture? Looking into things that may not really have been there in the first place. She didn't know which way was up or down anymore. What if the cracks in her relationship never existed before Emily stepped into her eyes sight? What if she had invented everything to make it a little easier to get what she was tempted by, desired, simply liked the look of?

JJ had always held tightly onto this set of principals and morals formed during her childhood, her teenage hood. They had formed through high emotion, the pain and upset of knowing what her parents did, the difficulty of being able to trust because good people could obviously do what she had thought to be bad things.

Because it was bad, wasn't it? Committing yourself to a person and betraying them, letting someone else into your head, inviting them into your body. Her parents had blood between them too, the blood that she and her siblings had flowing through their veins. But the confliction was how good they had been, how through the years and the difficulties and the loss they had been right there. Maybe not always agreeing, maybe not always liking what their children did, but still right there. And that's what JJ thought she had been struggling with the most, this fine, knife's edge between being good and being bad.

The struggle and conflict that she had buried. Buried beneath studying, beneath soccer, beneath striving toward something, to get out there and into the world to contribute. The drive that had lead her into the FBI, the drive that had lead her to work hard and force her mark into the agency. Was all of that just her feelings pushing her to be what she thought was the straight cut definition of 'good'?

Had she based her whole life, her work, her everything, on the failure to understand two people that she couldn't accept the faults of? The failure to accept temptation in its rawest form, and how it could influence anyone and everyone?

Had she judged her girlfriend too harshly, applied ridicule and criticism that the Detective didn't deserve because she couldn't handle her own faults, like it seemed she couldn't with her parents? Was she being harsh on them to hide the fact that she was the same?

If so, everything she was, everything she stood for, was a lie.

So was Emily her temptation, or was she her reality check?

''Hey.''

JJ stood numbly, the faint, soft greeting not entirely piercing through her haze enough to snap her out of it. It was the cold, the confusion, the rain, the pure loss of self and perhaps the amount of alcohol consumed in a very short space of time that all came together to create a Jennifer Jareau that people seldom saw. Someone that was so lost you could cry over it, possibly pathetic too, weak even. The very antithesis that she had built herself up to be, painstaking inch by painstaking inch.

''JJ?''

This time the voice was slightly louder, but still as soft. This time there was a hand placed on her shoulder, and somewhere inside it did register that she was being touched, but it still wasn't enough to snap her out of it.

''_JJ_! Are you okay? Has something happened?''

This time, due to being shaken and the words louder and stronger, JJ fell back to reality. Out of her haze, out of her numbness, letting all the thoughts and feelings, the pain, rushing back in. Her awareness came rushing back, and she realized now that she was completely soaked through from the rain that had started sometime she hadn't noticed, and she was standing, shaking, in the doorway of one Spencer Reid.

''I…I…can I stay, Spence?''

Reid blinked, somewhat taken aback. Rarely had he seen those blue eyes quite so troubled and turbulent, never so drawn or dull or destroyed. He had seen her in many lights, when she was angry, when she was upset, when the weight of a case hit her, also when she was happy, when she laughed, when she was jaw droppingly professional and in charge. Never once quite like this, and it made him worry instantly.

''Of course. Here, come in.''

Putting an arm gently around his friend's shoulders, Reid gently guided her inside his apartment. It was cold outside and he felt relieved for her that she was now someplace warm. Somewhere safe. He could tell that she had been drinking; she wobbled ever so slightly as she stepped over the threshold.

''What happened, JJ?''

JJ looked at her younger friend, feeling a rush of warmth in her stomach that she had such a good friend to turn to. He was obviously worried, bewildered even, both at what happened to her that brought her here, and possibly why she had chosen here instead of somewhere else like home or Garcia's apartment.

The only thing she could do was reach forward and hug him. In all his sweetness, he didn't pull away even though she was soaked. She couldn't talk, she could barely think, she just needed to feel. Tonight she needed a safe haven; somewhere there would be no judgments and no real questions. Reid wouldn't push, he wouldn't provoke, he would just let her be.

That's the reason she hadn't gone anywhere else. Typically, it would be Penelope that she turned to in a moment like this, a moment she couldn't turn to Delilah in, of which there had been many. Many she had just kept to herself. She wasn't ready to face someone who knew what was going on, who would look at her and reflect those sneaking feelings that she felt. Tonight she just needed solace.

She had left her girlfriend still sleeping on the couch, and the last thing she had really registered was sitting on a barstool and ordering. She barely remembered coming here.

But that had been the point, to forget.

XXX

It turned out that JJ wasn't the only one that seemed to want to forget. The legend of Jason Gideon came crashing down around their ankles, making what they hoped desperately wasn't true turn into a bitter reality. The man that taught them, the man that guided them, the man that had bravely gone many places that no one else could, would or wanted to, had shattered. The strongest of them had broken, snapped in front of their eyes. It wasn't just Gideon taking off to gather himself and come back, like they all crossed their fingers was happening, it was now official.

Jason Gideon was gone. No longer an Agent of the FBI. Leaving a trail of mourning in his wake. A team that was now shattered with him, that was now broken, that was now without their pioneering teacher, and for some, their almost Father. It was a void without him, incomprehensible and gutting. They were hurting, both individually and collectively. The loss of one was a hit to them all, they were a team.

The world though, didn't stop. The cases didn't stop, and as regularly as ever the office of Special Agent Jennifer Jareau, was inundated with brutal crimes, all with victims she desperately wanted to help, all with Detective's needing guidance and hope.

They were turning to her, to them, but where did she and her team turn to when hope was minimal, when they needed guidance? While the rest of her team was mourning, where busy feeling the loss and the uncertainty, she had no time to indulge. She had to go about her morning ritual, even though this morning was slightly different.

Usually, her mornings didn't consist of her waking up in an unfamiliar bed, though lately it didn't seem that far fetched. Reid had been the sweet, kind and courteous boy they all knew he was. Given her some dry clothes, something to eat, plenty of juice and some painkillers. After that she had let her sleep in his spare room. Breakfast had been ready when she had crawled out of the strange bed this morning, and he hadn't asked a single probing question, just enquired about how she felt. Then she had shyly admitted that he had been reading and re-reading the letter Gideon had left him all night, hadn't slept too much in the process.

Of course, the fact that he had taken such good care of her and she hadn't even noticed he was upset and afraid at the loss of his mentor made JJ feel like an asshole. But there wasn't any accusation in Reid's actions; it was more that because she had trusted him enough to turn to him, he was doing the same. So they had talked over breakfast, they had talked on the ride over in the car.

By the time they arrived at Quantico, Reid was less talkative, instead pulling back into his own head to think about things. That was okay, he needed time and she told him that she'd be there when he needed to talk, and she would be.

They had split up, him retreating to his desk, her retreating to her office. She changed, stripped off the clothes that were too long for her because they were Reid's, and began to pull on her own. Just like pulling on armour, it seemed to work every time. She had gotten some coffee, run through her messages, talked to a couple of Junior Agent's, and then gotten down to her morning business. Combing through the new files that had hit her desk. Staring the victims in the eye over the glossy photo paper, absorbing every fact and detail, and then designating them to different specialty areas and urgency levels.

Today there was one that stood out by a mile, and she jumped on it immediately. No, no time to indulge this morning, which was both a blessing and a curse. A curse for these victims, a blessing for the fact she had no time to think. No time to think about what would happen to them without Gideon, no time to think about the girlfriend that she had left sleeping on the couch last night, no time to think about the things she had done with Emily…the things she still wanted to do with her, or the feelings that came in the wake of knowing you had done something inexcusable.

It had enabled her not to face anyone other than Hotch as of yet. She had looked in on the bullpen on her way by a couple of times, and she had seen them trying to make sense of things. She saw the vulnerability Emily was trying to hide and it broke her heart.

So it was with bated breath and anticipation that she slipped in through the glass doors, struck immediately by the hush and the lull in the normally active bullpen. Her instincts were to join her colleagues, was to mourn with them, feel with them, to console and be the nurturer she usually was. She wanted to comfort Emily in particular, but she couldn't. For more reasons than that she had a presentation to do, so she slipped by unnoticed right to Hotch's office door, interrupting him with Strauss so they could get underway.

As cruel as it sounded, maybe they all needed to work a case to escape their collective reality. And as always, there was one.

XXX

''We've been over the details of this case so many times I could recite it in my sleep.''

There was something not quite right, and to think that right now was like saying that the sky was blue. Gideon was gone; everyone was distant and yet sticking together at the same time, hoping to make sense of this abandonment. Or, as Emily had begun to think, they were seeking some sort of atonement. In the wake of their teacher not even being able to face them left an undertone of uncertainty, the uncertainty of why. Why couldn't he have given everyone closure and say goodbye? Why disappear into the night and leave everyone to wonder and worry? Why would a man, so astute and knowledgeable as Jason Gideon, have chosen to leave that profound void if not to leave a message within it?

There was a collective guilt, she felt. One that whispered in their ears, that floated around the bullpen like a ghost. A guilt that maybe if they had stopped Frank, if they hadn't let Gideon down by not stopping him, none of this would be happening. True or false, it was the feeling she was picking up.

''Nothing like being prepared.''

That thought, was not the only thing she was speculating on. There was something not quite right about JJ. About herself, and JJ. There was a distance that the blonde was passing off as a professional distance; they needed to work after all. But even so, the brunette noticed that the younger woman still hovered near her on the plane. It was right there, the affinity between them, the knowledge they had of each other, connecting them as she was seated and JJ perched only inches away, maybe a foot at best.

The closeness confused her, given that JJ had said nothing. There was no look, no touches or hugs or kisses in secret places. There was no mention of the dinner they had talked about, there was nothing. JJ had even sat away from her in the presentation earlier. So yes, Emily was very, very confused.

''JJ…''

''Don't.''

Emily stopped at the abrupt cut off, having been prepared to tread into the subject with the blonde in front of her. The one that wasn't herself, anyone could see that. Shocked, she looked at her object of affection, pushing down the harsh reality that was trying to force its way up from deep in her gut. The longer she could ignore it, the longer she could pretend that everything was fine, that there was something good going on between them.

Agent Calvert had left, eager to find his killer, and they were left alone yet again. They had been sat in this room running through everything so much it was frustrating, ignoring the elephant in the room.

''We can't do this now. _I _can't do this now.''

The blonde added, barely above a whisper. Emily let out a slow, light sigh as the thoughts tumbled through her head.

''We have to do it at some point JJ.''

JJ looked at the older woman intently, almost pissed off that she had stated the obvious. Hiding wasn't the way to deal with this, evidently. Because the more she tried the worse it got. But every time she looked at the woman she had considered a friend, her colleague, someone she could trust infinitely in, the more she wondered if she was her saviour or her downfall.

Thankfully, the stare was interrupted by the sound of her cell phone ringing, and without looking at it JJ picked it up from the table to answer, grateful of anything that got her out of this conversation.

''Jareau.''

''Hey baby, how's my girl?''

Maybe any reason but this one. This interruption was one she also wanted to avoid, and would have if she had looked at who was calling her.

''I'm good, Del. Just tired.''

JJ leant back in her chair, resigned to the fact that she couldn't avoid much of anything. Emily shot her a dirty look, as though it was her fault that her girlfriend had called at such an inconvenient time. As though Delilah should be aware that she shouldn't call her own girlfriend during conversations of the affair she was having. This was going to be hard, and the blonde felt what she was sure would be just one of many headaches to come. Placing her hand on her forehead to try and massage out some of the tension, she closed her eyes and sighed as Emily strode out of the room.

Idly she wondered if she should ask her parents for tips on how to deal with this.

XXX

''So…what're you wearing?''

Delilah asked rather lecherously with a chuckle that either didn't have the same ring to it anymore or had just been distorted down the phone line. It was, however, a typical thing for the Detective to say. Right now JJ found it a hollow thing to say.

''Clothes.''

''Aww, someone is in a bad mood. What's up with you?''

''I just…nothing, it's just work. Sorry.''

''I know how it is, it's okay. But, while we're on the subject of work, I asked again about transferring. The Captain is gunna try and cut through some red tape for me. I think it might be my time this time Jenny, we could finally be living together in a matter of a couple of months…weeks even!''

JJ knew that she was supposed to be happy about that. Once upon a time that's exactly what she had wanted, or thought she had wanted. Delilah had been waiting and pleading for a transfer for so long that it had started to feel like it would never actually happen. That the state of their relationship, the distance and the hour apart would be a permanent fixture. It had become a safety net for JJ, one that had let her have the best of both worlds, one that didn't challenge her true feelings.

Now it was happening, she felt like she couldn't breathe. She felt like the world had just sat itself on her chest, crushing her into oblivion.

''That's…that's erm…''

''_Awesome_! I know! I can feel it this time, I swear! I'm so ready for this JJ, it doesn't feel right being apart from you like this anymore. My bones actually hurt because of it, because I miss you so much.''

It was a good job that Delilah couldn't see the devastation on her face, the fear or the verging of tears. It was a good job that she couldn't see how stiff her body had gotten, how she was struggling to breathe. At the same time, it did reflect somewhere how much Delilah loved her, and that made it hurt all the more.

XXX

''What do you want?''

JJ wasn't exactly expecting a hearty welcome but she wasn't expecting the biting snarl either. She had been debating for a full half hour whether to go to Emily's room or not, with the intention of at least trying to wade through the shit pile of feelings that had built up solidly in her chest. She had convinced herself that she wasn't some teenager and could keep her hormones and hands to herself, and also that this needed to be resolved before it got out of control.

There was just too problems with that. She didn't know how to resolve it and now stood face to face with Emily, the profiler didn't seem to be in the mood to try. Plus, now stood face to face with Emily and her hair and her red tank top…her hormones and her hands were under threat of loosing their control.

''Can we talk?''

''About what?''

JJ swallowed, trying her best not to act deterred or even intimidated by the dark mood Emily was throwing at her.

''Us.''

The brunette snickered dismissively.

''You've been making it pretty clear that there isn't any us JJ. I don't think I've been ignored so well since high school.''

JJ let out a slow, tired and dejected sigh.

''Fine, you know what, it's fine. Let's just leave it.''

Truly put off, JJ turned to walk down the hallway of the hotel. It was quiet, it was late. The boys all had rooms scattered about the building, the manager had just fit them in where they could. JJ had been at first, worried about the fact that she and Emily were relatively alone, then she had been grateful for it. Now she just couldn't find the room to care. Her instincts and her feelings and her thoughts had been in overdrive for too long and she was loosing the will to let herself feel everything.

The blonde wasn't expecting to be yanked to a stop, or abruptly shoved up against the wall. She wasn't expecting the sudden yet not entirely unwanted pressure of Emily's body against her own, her warmth surging into her, her breath against her skin. It wasn't an unwelcome intrusion and it was supposed to be.

''You're fucking driving me crazy, _you _started this, you don't get to just walk away from me.''

Emily growled, her usually passive though weighted eyes having turned impossibly dark and dangerous.

''You think I want to? You think this is easy for me? I'm not yours, do you get that? I belong to somebody else, what we did was wrong. What _I_ did was wrong. The things I still want to do, are wrong.''

Emily increased the pressure between them, the mischief glittering within her eyes, the challenge clear.

''Yet you're here at my door.''

''Yeah, I am. So let me in and make me forget about her.''

''Gladly.''

XXX

It wasn't supposed to happen, but such was life. One minute a little girl was just a little girl, the next she had a Daddy that killed a bunch of people using their worst fears. One minute you thought you were just in a sucky marriage, the next, you were being told your husband had killed himself rather than let himself be caught.

These things weren't supposed to happen. In comparison, JJ felt a little foolish and vain for letting something so small such as an affair take up so much of her time and attention. In the grand scheme of things, next to the life of this woman and her child, was it such a big deal that she had slept with someone else?

JJ knew the answer was yes, but she couldn't stop watching the little girl crying in her Mother's arms and thinking that there were things so much worse out there. Things they regularly dealt with.

She and Emily had been close all day, not just in that they had to work together, but they had been in each other's personal space as much as they could. If anyone had noticed no one said anything, and that was just fine with them. In the wake of sleeping together again last night, the two silently accepted that they both needed to stay close. The first time last night had been all fast and dominant and rush. The second time had been quiet, it had been sweet and pure and gentle. So gentle that something had transpired between them that neither one was willing to talk about. Certain truths being visible even though they went unspoken.

''I'm sorry for the way I acted last night.''

JJ blinked. When had they gotten into the SVU? The blonde focused her eyes onto Emily, who was occupying herself with putting the keys into the ignition.

''Don't be, it's all on me.''

''It took two to tango JJ.''

In spite of Emily's effort to be serious and offer some sort of acknowledgement that they did something they weren't supposed to, it made JJ smile that she chose that to express it with.

''Yeah, but you're not the one that's involved. If anyone is doing something wrong, it's me. You don't have to apologise for anything.''

The blonde reassured. Somewhere during the still of the night she remembered coming to some sort of conclusion, one of which is that Emily was only reacting to her. She shouldn't and couldn't expect the older woman to be her keeper.

''I'm doing something wrong if I'm the source of my best friend regretting something so badly it seems to be tearing her apart.''

Emily sighed softly as she pulled out onto the road, grateful that she had something other to concentrate on than JJ. She had been trying to chase her own thoughts down too, and at the very least she still wanted the friendship she had made with JJ to survive.

''I want you, Em. I want you so much, and so badly, it can physically hurt. I don't know why, because before you came into my life I thought I was happy. I don't understand what's happening to me, I just know that I can't fight the need to be with you. It's not regret, Emily. Because I don't regret sleeping with you. I know I should, I betrayed Delilah in so many ways, but right now, I kind of think that's acceptable, because it's the only way I'm going to get to the bottom of what I want and who I am.''

JJ looked at Emily, speaking calmly and clearly, even though the tangled mess of feelings were pulling and digging painfully inside of her. This was one of the conclusions that she had arrived at in the still of the night. Emily had been asleep, and she had been watching her, studying her face, listening to her breathe. Even when she had been thinking about Delilah, lying there naked and sated in a strange bed with someone else, Emily's presence had made it easier. Emily made it better; she made her feel something other than pain.

''JJ, what're you trying to say? Because I think I know, but I need you to say it.''

Emily's heart thudded against her chest; strongly enough that she was beginning to get paranoid that the other woman could hear it. Emily knew why she had acted so dominantly last night, because she detested the idea that she didn't have any right to the blonde. Technically she still didn't, but neither had she had a clear invitation by JJ. And this sounded an awful lot like on.

''I'm saying that I don't regret for a minute being with you, even though I should. I'm saying that I trust you so much, that I feel safe enough to be me around you, to give myself over to you. I'm saying that I not only want you, but I need you. You may be a sin Emily but I'm willing to be a sinner if you are.''

''You're suggesting an affair.''

Emily surmised, not shocked but not exactly secure in her understanding either. She didn't know what she felt about being called a sin, but she didn't think about it too hard. For JJ it was a sin, but Emily felt oddly comfortable playing that role.

''Yes. I know you want me too, you don't have to answer to anyone, and you said you wanted sex. It's what I'm offering, as your friend. And in return, I get to feel something other than all this shit I feel. I get to work out just what the hell I'm doing.''

Emily listened to what JJ was really saying. What she comprehended the new turn in events was that JJ was tearing herself apart, that was obvious in itself. Though not for the reasons she had assumed, instead, it was because she couldn't feel, or think. She couldn't figure out what or who she wanted, who she was. It told Emily that JJ felt compromised somehow, as though she had lost hold of her self worth and understanding. It also told her that the blonde was still struggling to work out who she wanted, and with no sudden rush to leave Delilah, Emily knew that meant JJ hadn't come to any conclusions about her.

If JJ didn't know what she wanted, if she was unwilling to leave Delilah but to instead accept a level of deceit as she tried to work things out, Emily didn't feel inclined to leave behind her own trappings and lay herself bear either. Commitment had always been her obstacle, it had always terrified her. Maybe she would come to understand that better by being with JJ, like the younger woman was hoping to understand herself better being with her.

Emily didn't feel anger toward JJ because she wasn't ready or hadn't figured things out yet, because she couldn't leave Delilah and jump into her arms. How could she when she wasn't ready to have JJ jump into her arms? How could she let her if she wasn't sure if she could carry her like she wanted to, if she couldn't be any better for her than the unsuspecting Detective.

''So…friends with benefits?''

The brunette clarified, not quite believing that they were doing this.

''Yeah, friends with benefits.''

''Are you sure about this?''

JJ smiled weakly as she looked toward Emily who gave her a quick glance, the genuine concern for her written all over her beautiful face.

''No. But what I am sure of is that I can't give you up. I'm not strong enough to stop.''

Emily glanced back to the road, the resonance of JJ's words echoing within her. There was a familiarity there, something she connected strongly with.

''And I'm not strong enough to stop you.''

XXX

Emily sighed as she unlocked her front door. She was tired and hungry and she felt like she needed a good soak in the tub with as many salts and bubbles she could possibly fit in, a glass of wine would have fit into that picture perfectly too. The problem was, the profiler didn't exactly know which one needed to come first.

Her body ached. She hadn't needed to exert herself this case, but spending hours in a house where a Mother and daughter found out that their lives would never be the same again…it drained you just as much. She had walked that trail, seen the bodies stretch out along it, secrets hidden beneath the dirt.

People thought they could bury things. People thought that if they dug deep enough, they could rid themselves of their baggage, their secrets, their dirt. They couldn't. Dead or alive, secrets always had a way of surfacing. Truth could never be pushed down for long, whether it took a day or decades, it always came to light. Nature didn't let you bury things forever.

They had filled out reports on the flight back, everyone had been relatively quiet. The case and the emotional blow of a loss of one of their own had made everyone go into their separate corners and think. Emily had noticed that JJ had remained close to Reid, however, giving him the silent support that closeness provided, and he seemed to appreciate it. They had a nice friendship, one bordering on the line of a sibling type relationship. JJ was protective and watchful over the younger man, she was kind to him and she loved him. It was sweet, and after such disregard for kindness, in the face of the brutality this man had caused, it was nice to watch some tenderness. So Emily had flicked between watching JJ and filling out her report.

Now she was home alone, she had handed in her work and taken off as fast as she could before she found some work or some work found her. She needed to think.

Secrets couldn't be buried forever, right? So what was she thinking, getting into something like an affair? How could they keep this to themselves, apart and separated from their work, from highly observant people that could easily see the signs? How did they keep this from Delilah?

Emily had never thought overly much about the Baltimore cop. She thought she was arrogant and flippant, she thought she was ignorant, that she didn't see JJ for who she was. However, Emily had to admit that none of these traits were intentional. Delilah was just being herself; she thought she was being true to herself and to JJ. Her heart was in the right place, and she was a good cop by all accounts. She loved JJ very much, anyone could see that.

This was the first real time that a pang of guilt hit her stomach. Emily hadn't known what to expect herself to feel. This wasn't some game; they were actively hurting somebody, as well as themselves. But how did she square it away with herself? She had thought she was an honest person, decent and kind and even loyal. But right now, Emily didn't know where those had gone. She held no loyalty to Delilah, they weren't friends, and she didn't owe her a thing, right?

So why did she feel so shitty knowing that someone was out there, completely unaware that she was sleeping with the person they loved most in the world? And why didn't it feel that kind of shitty that Emily couldn't stop?

XXX

''Don't look at me like that.''

JJ whispered, her smooth voice low and cracked slightly from the liquor she had been consuming. Blue eyes looked down briefly to fix on the hand that held the glass tumbler, she was trembling.

''I'm sorry, I just…Jayj, honey, you can't do this.''

Garcia answered sweetly. As sweetly as a best friend could after hearing the confessions of a cheating friend. It was hard to listen to JJ right now; it was hard not to loose her cool. She desperately wanted to shake the blonde and tell her to knock it off, to get her thoughts straight and start acting like the Jennifer Jareau she knew and loved. It was hard to know that she was now bound to a secret she didn't want to know, one she had to keep when she looked into the eyes of the betrayed.

Delilah was her friend, and Garcia felt the biting urge to at least tip her off that something bad was happening. However, JJ was her best friend, her sister in most ways. Her duty was ultimately to her, so right now she listened. JJ wasn't a mean person, she wasn't unkind or sadistic or hard. She was in a place she had never ventured before, and she was drowning. Garcia refused to abandon her because she was doing something she objected to.

JJ took the last sip of her bourbon, lifting her free hand up to wipe away the tears that had formed in her eyes. Still she didn't look up yet; just let the words echo around her head. She hadn't wanted to come here, but Garcia had gotten fed up of being blown off, and had dragged her to the nearest bar to talk. One look from the quirky geek and she had come pouring out with everything that had happened. From the moment she saw Emily, to the kisses, to the talks, the sex, and the newly confirmed status of their affair. It was now official, if these things could ever be seen like that.

''I can't not, Penny. I can't stop myself, she's…I need her.''

''No JJ, you need Delilah. If you just talked to her…''

JJ snickered lightly, finally lifting her head up to pin a watery gaze on her friend.

''Talk? To Delilah Forrester? She doesn't talk, Penelope. Maybe if she had, things wouldn't have gotten this far. I wouldn't have shutdown bit by bit.''

''You could try.''

''I have tried!''

Garcia flinched slightly at JJ's raised voice, at the anger flash through her eyes. The outburst was loud and they got a couple of glances from the other patrons milling around the bar, but after they saw that nothing eventful seemed to be going on, they turned away again.

JJ took in a steadying breath, closing her eyes for a moment to compose herself. Lifting her hand, she ran it through her hair slowly.

''I'm sorry. It's just; I've been through everything you're saying with myself already. God, I even tried to talk to my Mom, she should know about all this shit right? My parents did fuck anyone they wanted besides each other, after all. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.''

''JJ...''

''Please don't. Don't feel sorry for me, don't feel disappointed at me. Just…just sit there and be my friend.''

Penelope nodded slightly in agreement, though inwardly did feel for her friend. She may not have agreed with what JJ was getting into, but she still loved her, and she realised that she still needed help. This wasn't just a fling; it wasn't JJ thinking she could have anyone she wanted as well as Delilah. It wasn't even her repeating her parents' behaviour. JJ was just lost, and she was trying to find herself. Sooner or later, the younger woman would come up for air, because something would give, and she would find her answers.

Until then, Garcia was just going to sit there and be her friend.

XXX

''I think it's a good idea though.''

''What's that?''

Emily turned her head lazily to look at JJ once more. She took an instant relief in looking into her eyes, seeing the warmth there, the glow.

''You. Kids.''

The blonde clarified, again with that heart-warming sincerity that could melt you from the inside out. Emily had identified with Carrie in ways that she seldom identified with victim.

Staring out of the plane window again, Emily half smiled. It wasn't often that she thought about kids, particularly her own. Whether she wanted them, the Agent had never been truly sure. Maybe she did, but the hope of ever having her own family was dwindling fast. She had put herself out there when she said she would take Carrie, particularly given that she had said it to Hotch. Now, she was left feeling somewhere between lost and embarrassed. Something she thought JJ was trying to alleviate with telling her that the girl's family were good people.

The blonde remained there as they silently prepared for take off, and she didn't move once they were in the air. Like she had watched over Reid in his time of need, Emily couldn't help but think that JJ was doing the same in hers.

It was difficult for anyone to work out that she'd had a difficult childhood. Not in the same way as Morgan, who had lost his Dad, or Reid or Hotch even. But in her own unique way, which was being brought up within the political realm of life. A realm which could be harsh and unforgiving, which was what Emily had learnt young.

The biting guilt of not being good enough could be overwhelming, it was hard to shoulder what was perceived as failure. That's exactly why she had understood Carrie's motives for what she had done, how hard she had pushed to aid them in their investigation. It was why she hadn't tried to stop her. She had needed that catharsis, she had needed to do something and Emily hadn't been about to take away that chance. It was one she knew she would never get.

''I was foolish, to say what I did in front of Hotch.''

The brunette muttered eventually. JJ had been watching out of the window, thinking that she was being unobvious that she kept looking at her every now and then. Now, she didn't hide that she turned to look at her, a slight, perplexed frown covering her forehead. It was an adorable look that she got, Emily thought.

''About Carrie?''

''Yeah.''

''Why?''

The older woman shrugged lightly, letting her eyes flick from JJ to the floor, then out the window before going back to JJ again.

''Because he's right, this is the job. I shouldn't get so personally invested. He's going to think I'm going to do this every case, that my maternal instincts will control everything I do.''

JJ shook her head lightly, frowning not in perplexity now but disagreement.

''No, he won't. We all have our cases Em; we all get wrapped up in one from time to time. Not because we're more invested in them than other's, or because they're worse than the rest. Because they touch us or speak to us on a level we recognise all too well. For you, it was this girl. You understood her, and she had lost everything. All you wanted to do was give something back. You said it because you're a good person, not because you let your instincts blind you.''

Emily listened to JJ's words; she had not other choice now she was locked into her eyes. It's what the blonde had been sitting there and waiting for patiently, for her to open up more about the situation. It was nice, feeling that someone knew her so well. JJ hadn't even anticipated it would happen; she had known for a fact and had made sure to be near when it did. That's the kind of person she was, the type of friend.

''Thank you, for being with me last night.''

The tone of Emily's voice got lower as she spoke, barely above a whisper since they were already keeping their voices down in the first place. Mostly everyone had dropped off anyway, getting some shuteye now that they felt they could.

Everything that Emily felt over her own family, particularly her Mother and her feelings of inadequacy had been whirling around her head last night. She kept thinking of them, of what Carrie was going through, how scared she was alone in her hospital bed. How afraid she was that she would end up alone for good. It had been a lot, and right at the point that Emily was about to give up on sleep around midnight, had been when there had been a tapping on the door.

Thinking something must have happened, she had rushed to answer it, but instead of finding Morgan ready to go, she had found JJ, dressed in her pyjamas. Like she had been sitting across from her knowing that she would need to talk, last night she had known that she'd needed a rock to hold onto. There had hardly been anything said, it hadn't been time yet. Instead, JJ had taken her hand and led her to the bed. With so much care in her eyes that it had practically made Emily cry, JJ had pulled the covers around them, and then wrapped her up in her arms.

Only minutes had passed by before Emily had fallen hard and fast asleep in the blonde's arms.

It had been in the morning, within the lazy and languid atmosphere, that they had done anything physical. It was intimate and gentle and slow, it had been exactly what she had needed. JJ had shown her such softness that she had been able to completely open up and just feel instead of think. Going to sleep and then waking up to make love with the blonde, it seemed like that was the way it was supposed to be. They had been so comfortable, getting ready together and showering. JJ had even stolen her shirt, the one she had been wearing all day.

''I didn't want to be anywhere else.''

XXX

Emily collapsed back onto the bed, her head hitting the pillow as her chest heaved in its plight to gasp and pant for breath. Deep, torturous surges of ecstasy still rushed through her body produced by the mind-blowing orgasm that had just ripped through her. Not only reeking bliss on her entire body but touching her very mind and soul in the same euphoric way too, suspending her in an overwhelming state of pleasure and passion. If asked in this moment what her name was, the brunette really couldn't have answered. Her mind far too overwrought with exquisite energy to remember, and instead the only thing on her mind along with that was the woman that had elicited it.

JJ quietly and gently moved back up her bed to lay next to her over stimulated lover, positioning herself by her side as she propped her head up with her elbow so that she could watch Emily, her fascination never ending. Her lovers ivory smooth skin was flushed and a thin layer of sweat clung to her from exertion, her chest still heaving as she tried to breathe.

Emily's deep, penetrating dark eyes starred directly upward, but JJ could see that they weren't focused on anything, not here in their reality. They were lost in a world of ultimate heights and pleasure, and the blonde could see the swirls and sparkles of fireworks in those deliciously dark orbs of hers. Her devastatingly beautiful features were nicely contorted in that of pleasure, but also that of a sense of peace, causing a fantastic glow that made JJ very happy that she was the one that got to put it there.

There was a strong buzz of happiness and pleasure in her own stomach, always pleased that she could please Emily. Always glad to be the one that got to see the distinctly remarkable experience of the older woman's coming undone. Of letting go and falling into rich wonder as she became unravelled. It was certainly a beautiful sight to see.

JJ smiled softly, content in just letting Emily experience the world she had been flung into as she reached out to stroke through some strands of dark silky hair, her palm sliding onto the side of her face to cup gently as she leant in to place a soft, delicate kiss on her temple. She rested her forehead there for a moment, nuzzling her lovely gently as she breathed in deeply, taking in Emily's unique fragrance as she patiently waited for the moment the brunette would drift back onto her plane, drift back to her.

The hand that had been cupping the side of Emily's face now skimmed down lightly, until reaching the toned and smooth skin of her stomach where JJ began to trace aimless patterns. The blonde remained silent, unwilling to break the peaceful lull in the air, and instead was there physically to anchor her lover.

She loved moments like these. So tranquil and yet so simple and ultimately powerful and astonishing. They were here, together, consuming each other and worshiping each other. Each perfectly comfortable in their nakedness, basking in the adoration of the other. The air around them was intimate and private, it was theirs and it felt like nothing could break it. The white bed sheet had been kicked away some time ago, the bottom sheet ruffled and pulled slightly out of shape as hands had gripped onto it tightly as writhing bodies had moved.

The huge window at the side of the bedroom, technically constituting as a wall, had small opened vents, letting in the hot, fresh air from outside where the sun shone brightly in the sky. It was only lunchtime yet the heat of the day was making its presence known. It was the middle of the day, and they were here in bed, solely concerned with each other.

In the here and now JJ felt like she was surrounded by beauty. The day was beautiful, another day in a glorious heat wave that was enjoyable rather than suffocating. The happenings in Emily's bedroom, the emotional and physical connection and the trust and experience of skin and sensation, were beautiful. But what she thought was most beautiful was Emily. The woman that she was still tracing light patterns over, the one that was slowly but steadily making her way back toward a normal state of consciousness.

JJ placed another light kiss on Emily's temple before pulling her head back to yet again simply watch her lover's transformation. She smiled as the brunette blinked, her breathing steadying out but still deep and long. Showing all the affection and peace that had come through in the wake of the pleasure, connected and languid.

''Welcome back!''

The blonde teased in a hushed whisper, making Emily's eyes move toward hers as she turned her head a little on the pillow. She drew in a long, slow breath, both content and relaxed.

''_That _was amazing.''

She replied, the thick of sensation and orgasm still deep rooted into her lilting voice, evidenced by a crack of huskiness. She was perfectly content to remain there forever right alongside JJ. Feeling this, feeling her hands movements across her skin, feeling the swell of emotion that was building up for the younger woman deep in her chest.

Last night they had arrived back into the office late, exhausted and profoundly changed by their most recent case. One murder, but the murder of a little girl. Jessica Davies was the latest in a brash of kid cases for them, and it was starting to get to them all. Emily had all been for just dragging her ass home to maybe drown herself in a couple of drinks before pouring herself into bed to get what little rest she could from a fitful sleep. However, and gladly so, JJ had had different plans.

With Delilah working a case in Baltimore, JJ was a free agent, so to speak. Emily had looked up at the blonde from her desk chair, looked at the outstretched hand that she was offering, and barely without hesitation she took it.

Emily had needed the venting process that sex could provide last night, and the fun that it turned into this morning. Despite having had a couple of drinks with Doctor Kate, amongst other things, the brunette was beginning to feel the burn of too much work and not enough fun. The time she spent with JJ, and there had been a lot of time spent with JJ in the past few weeks, was great. It was glorious, in fact.

However, it also came with a burden. Firstly, there was the burden of knowing that what they were doing was wrong. That they shouldn't be kissing in neglected corners, they shouldn't be meeting at their homes or a bar or anyplace other than work or a group social activity, because it was very wrong. The second burden was hiding what she truly felt for the blonde. Emily wasn't exactly one hundred percent yet, but she was pretty damn sure. It was difficult to keep from the younger woman, both because her feelings came in strong bursts and fits when they emerged, thus making them hard to resist, but also because JJ was her best friend. Keeping anything from her now seemed to be an alien concept.

However, there were things. Her feelings for one example, her casual relationship with Kate another. But until she figured out what she wanted, and figured out what JJ wanted, Emily was determined to keep her secrets. She'd take what she could get from JJ right now, and that was friendship and sex. Both came in extremely handy.

''I aim to please.''

The blonde drawled in response, her eyes still studying the lines and curves of Emily's face. It fascinated her to no end, the way she looked, the way her skin and eyes changed. Even out of the bedroom JJ was fascinated to watch how Emily's moods, her thoughts, her feelings, would all colour her external presence. Garcia had actually caught her actively staring at her during a meeting and kicked her under the table. If they were going to keep this affair secret JJ knew she'd have to be a little more discrete.

''You have absolutely no problem in that department, trust me!''

Emily snickered lightly, still feeling the dizzying effects of JJ's work. Her breath had yet to completely return to her.

There was a short lull, not uncomfortable, as they seemed to retreat into their own worlds for a moment. JJ let her eyes wonder across the room, slowly looking at Emily's personal belongings. Every time she came here she tried to take in as much as she could, there was a lot of interesting things collected in this apartment. Things that when she managed to get Emily to talk about, the older woman would delve into stories, holding them in her eyes and looking into the space of the air as though she could reach out and touch them. She was a woman of the world, and sometimes JJ thought they were worlds apart.

Though every time she begun to think that, every time she thought that Emily was so much more and so untouchable, she'd prove her wrong. She'd be right there, and she'd be able to touch her, she'd find her farm stories just as interesting and incredible as JJ found her plights around the world. Emily constantly made her feel seen rather than overlooked, and it could be scarily addictive.

''I almost bought myself a plane ticket to somewhere; it didn't matter where, across the world. I was a senior at Georgetown at the time; I planned to go right after I graduated. I didn't plan on where, but I planed on how much to take, what to take, how I'd get from place to place. I just said to myself 'pack a bag JJ, take off, see the world for a while, you got nothing to loose'. I had no other plans to speak off, no real relationship tying me down, no inspirational work to go into.''

Emily smirked slightly, turning around onto her side, propping her head up with her elbow just like JJ had done moments before.

''So why didn't you?''

The blonde took in a long, soft breath and held it for a couple of seconds, the thoughts and memories dancing over the canvas of blue.

''Well, turns out I did have work to do. I was in the library one day, looking at books on other countries actually, when none other than David Rossi gave a talk about his book.''

Emily's eyebrows lifted immediately.

''_The _David Rossi? One of the 'Founding Father's' as the kids from the Academy call him?''

JJ nodded.

''The very same. As he talked, I don't know, something changed. I read his book; I read more and more books after that. Not just about what we do now, but about all sorts of things. I traded globetrotting for Federal pay and a gun. I got into the Academy, I met Delilah, and all of a sudden my life was set in stone. I had the career, the girl, and the nice apartment in the city; the big shoes that farm girls like me rarely get to fill. All chance to jet away gone, do not pass go, move directly to jail.''

Narrowing her eyes, Emily watched at JJ stared off somewhere into the corner of the room. She knew JJ didn't regret her decision to join the FBI. JJ loved her job, she excelled at it, and without the constant challenge it provided her, the girl would go stir crazy.

Reaching out, Emily gained her attention again by brushing back a rogue strand of silky blonde hair.

''Nothing is set in stone JJ, you prove that to yourself everyday.''

JJ looked at the other woman, recognised the pointed look in her eyes. Being with her right now proved in itself that nothing much was set in stone. If it truly was, there was no way she'd be lying in anybody's arms other than Delilah's. Her world was fixed maybe, but not JJ's. She wasn't sure what she wanted yet, but she was beginning to accept that it wasn't what the Detective wanted. She didn't want the house, the 2.4 kids, family dog and white picket fence. Colour her selfish but she was enjoying her freedom way too much to give it up. She enjoyed her job way too much to give it up. One day maybe, but right this second, no thank you.

''I should go.''

The blonde finally stated softly, glancing at the time.

''Are you sure? It's Saturday, we could go get some lunch or something.''

JJ smiled but shook her head, reaching her hand forward to brush down the side of Emily's face with her fingertips before leaning right in to place a kiss on her temple. Then, with a sigh, she rolled herself out of bed.

''I would Em, but I can't. I have an hour and a half to get home, which is just enough time to push through traffic, go to the market and take a shower before Delilah gets back. Rain check?''

Emily pulled in a deep breath, a contented breath, as she folded her hands behind her head to watch JJ retrieve her scattered clothing and start to pull them on, starting with her panties. The words she was saying vaguely registered, but she got the general gist without having to concentrate on them too much.

''Emily?''

The brunette blinked, coming back to reality to realise that JJ was looking at her and waiting for an answer.

''Hmm?''

''Rain check?''

''Yeah, of course.''

JJ raised an eyebrow, taking in Emily's demeanour and the slightly self satisfied, slightly perverted look twinkling in her eyes and tugging on the edge of her mouth. That look, the one made of fire and want, sent shivers down her spine. She didn't feel objectified the way Emily could look at her, she felt the complete opposite, she felt respected and wanted.

''Why were you watching me?''

''I love watching you dress.''

JJ smirked, rolling her eyes softly and feeling the faintest tinge of blush running across her cheeks. Moving forward, she perched on the edge of the bed, leaning down to place a deep but gentle kiss on Emily's lips.

''I have to go. I'll see you at work Monday?''

Emily brushed through JJ's hair, trying to straighten out some of the ruffles for her.

''I'll be there.''

JJ smiled and placed another quick kiss on the brunette's lips before she pulled herself up into a standing position. The smirk didn't leave her own lips as she crossed the bedroom, glancing at Emily's own scattered clothes.

''Don't miss me too much!''

She teased lightly as she strolled out of the doorway, laughing lightly at Emily's scoff. It had been a nice morning, a great morning actually. If she was honest with herself, it was hard to walk away. JJ would have liked nothing better than to spend the day with Emily, but she couldn't. She had plans with Delilah.

It had gotten easier to cope with the betrayal. It had gotten easier to commit the sin, and as evidenced by a few moments ago, it had gotten easier to talk about Delilah when she was with Emily in this capacity. The two worlds had made a bridge somehow, it was a weak bridge but one nonetheless. Thing was, JJ really didn't know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.


	13. Chapter 13

**Title:** Bloodsport  
**Author:** darkbardzero  
**Fandom:** Criminal Minds  
**Pairings:** Jennifer Jareau/Emily Prentiss  
**Ratings:** 18  
**Summary: **''Love is just a Bloodsport.''  
**Disclaimers: **All things Criminal Minds belong to people other than me. I just write stuff.  
**Author's Notes:** Well, this is something that was originally part of a drabble I wrote in the CM music challenge. Back then, I was nudged and encouraged by **Steppenwolf_20**to write it full length. So here it is! It's been in the works for quite a while due to various reasons, but it's on the tracks now.  
**Thank You:** To **Steppenwolf_20** for suggesting it, **Sofia_Lindsay** for not letting me give up on it early on, and **Heidimaggs22** for supporting me, batting ideas around, putting up with rants and waffles and for being my rock! Ta to Heidimaggs22 and Sofia_Lindsay for beta'ing.  
**A/N** - This hasn't been beta'd, the lovely **Heidimaggs22** has been super super super busy :) You'll be glad to know that I'm actually finishing the story now, so there should be a steady stream of updates until completion! And if I haven't had time to get back to you personally for your lovely feedback, I do sincerely apologise.

XXX

Delilah had always been a pretty good sleeper, ever since she was a kid. Growing up with a heap of siblings had taught her to ignore the background noise, the chatter, and the commotion. Of course, if something was amiss, her instincts and senses would kick in and she would wake up. She had woken up on plenty of occasions when she had just sensed, through sleep, that something was wrong. Lots of those occasions had been to do with her girlfriend, usually when JJ couldn't sleep because things kept working their way around that beautiful head of hers. In 5 years the dark headed Detective had seen JJ at her best and worse, the times she cried, the times she drank, the times that she came home and fell into a coma, the times she came home and they fell into bed.

She had never put too much stock into the FBI. She had never put too much stock into behavioural analyses either, if truth were told. Since she had met JJ's team, her friends, she had opened up to some ideas. Some, not all. They lived in very different worlds, it could seem, them and her. Her own friends, her partner, the guys she worked with, they lived in a world that most people didn't want to pay attention to. It was gritty, it was hard and gruesome and inglorious. There was nothing shiny or light about their world, it was all cruel and vile and unfair. They had their moments of short-lived relief from time to time; a victim saved here, justice served there. They had to keep going because no one else was going to.

The fact that the BAU alone had a media liaison, just for themselves, kind of painted the picture in Delilah's eyes. It was glamorous, glorious even. Cops in their unit had to volunteer because the bosses didn't want to force it onto anyone; it could be that bad, and they had a usual burn out rate of within 2 years. As she understood things at the FBI, people would give their right arm, their first-born and their Grandma just to get the chance to be considered for the BAU.

Sure, they did some good work and they put the effort in, they went all across the country, sometimes out of it, to help. But there had always been that competition between cops and FBI in the first place, add to the fact that Delilah considered profiling to be taking usually arrogant liberties and assumptions about people's behaviour and the fact that the BAU had their own camera girl and their own jet, she was left with the one conclusion. Their heart may have been in the right place, but the glitz of the role superseded most things.

They were good guys though, and they did their job well. She had to respect them for hat, she really did. And she had seen the horror in her girlfriend's blue eyes, seen the hurt and the pain and the disillusion in them from certain cases. It always made her wonder if JJ was overly sensitive, after all she had a big heart and she was a sweet soul, and also if the other's were even worse because they actually saw the blood and the gore.

Either way, something was amiss, and it was that something that had woken her up for the second time that night. The first had been JJ actually waking her up. She smelt fresh and her hair had been damp, and she had been quiet, a little haunted maybe. She had just said that this last case had been hard, but they at least had gotten to save a little girl.

So when Delilah had realised through her sleep that she was alone in bed, she had just assumed that it was the issue that was keeping her girlfriend from getting some rest. That had caused her to stray from their bed, and lead her outside to the living room.

The cop had been standing in the doorway for over 10 minutes, going unnoticed by her blonde lover. It was the twilight hours of the morning, and Delilah didn't know if JJ had slept and woken up, or simply hadn't slept at all. She was sitting on the couch, the soft pale light from the moon and the street outside blanketing her, with only one soft lamp lit in the corner of the room. Together they created an almost ethereal glow, which the brunette couldn't rip her eyes away from. In her most quietest moments, her simplest moments, JJ was the most beautiful she could be.

''Will you play for me?''

Eventually, the slightly younger woman spoke up, making her presence known. JJ didn't start; instead she simply turned her head slightly to only just peer over her shoulder, almost as though she had already known that she was standing there watching her.

''What?''

''Play something for me, please?''

Delilah inched forward, dark eyes roaming over the woman she loved carefully. JJ held her guitar in her arms almost lovingly. The guitar that had always been hidden out of sight, apparently; under the bed, in the back of the closet, the highest shelf of the storage closet, in the trunk that sat at the bottom of the bed. Anywhere but in plain view, it had turned out, and for 5 years that was definitely a good trick to pull off. JJ sure had had some determinism to hide it, not just from her, Delilah supposed, but from everyone.

As she rounded around the couch and to the front of the blonde, she smiled ever so softly toward her. It was an offering of acceptance, of sorts. They had never truly talked about what had been said that night at the bar, the words either of them had spat at each other. It had just been a fight, and they had continued on like they always did. Delilah hadn't read too much into her lover's words, they were just words, right? They didn't mean anything, JJ had just been mad. It hadn't been her fault that she had never said anything about the singing or music, she would have if she had wanted to.

''You've never asked to hear anything.''

JJ pointed out softly, making Delilah shrug.

''I never had the chance.''

There was a brief, but pregnant pause. Both thinking possibly of that night, of the issues that still ran between them. But ultimately, they were thinking of very different things. Delilah was thinking that the woman before her was hers, someone who was faithful and loyal to her. JJ was thinking that she wanted to be somewhere else right now, holding someone else and comforting someone else. Emily had quietly asked if they could go home together. JJ knew that whatever happened in that room for the brunette to break that Aunt had jarred Emily a little, and she did want to be with her.

She wasn't with her though; she was where she was supposed to be. She was home with her girlfriend, and the woman she was supposed to love was standing in front of her asking her to play something for her. The softness in which Delilah spoke made JJ's heart sink, it made the betrayal stab at her, because she could see that the other woman was really trying.

''What do you want to hear?''

''Anything. Whatever comes to you first.''

There was another silence, this time though it was different. Delilah, assuming that all was normal with the world, lowered herself to the floor, watching with a shine in her eyes that spoke of only love and adoration. JJ, seeing that, fought back the impulse to throw up, as her numb, taunting mind stretched for something to pull out to satisfy Delilah's request. After all, she was committing a sin against her; the least she could do was oblige her.

It was after JJ did oblige her girlfriend, after managing to collect herself to strum out soft, delicate notes that she finally got back into the safety of her bed and fell asleep. Delilah held her, and the blonde felt part protected, and partly suffocated.

The only thing she dreamt about was Emily.

XXX

''Hey.''

Emily turned her head just enough to acknowledge the presence that accompanied the familiar voice that had approached behind her. Familiar may have been an understatement, but Emily was trying not to think about how well she knew JJ's voice right now.

''Hey.''

The commotion of the crime scene was still going on around them. The ambulance had left with Katie Jacobs and their jarred, shocked and relieved parents. Emily had personally put the woman that had dared call herself an Aunt into a squad car to be taken down to central booking, and she knew that the same had become of her husband. There where reporters scattering the mall entrance, and the patrons they had held captive were leaving for wherever their respective destinations were, dazed, scared, holding onto their children. The law officials that had been involved were packing up.

''You okay?''

The blonde's voice held great concern, great compassion and an understanding already within her voice that no, Emily wasn't okay. She was so far removed from okay right now that she didn't know where the hell she was.

''No.''

It was the only solid answer she could provide. Short. Simple.

Truth be told, Emily didn't know exactly why she felt so angry. Of course what had been happening was enough to make anyone feel angry. That little girl was going to need some serious therapy. Her Aunt had tried to kill her because the Uncle that looked exactly like her Daddy couldn't keep his damn hands to himself. This was supposed to be her childhood, she had nice parents, caring parents, and this had supposed to be a time of innocence for her. That alone pissed Emily off to no end.

To stand in front of those two people and have them deny everything, use anything to deflect their guilt, to project it, to step away from it, that pissed her off. The fact that they had a son, who was lost and betrayed, used as a pawn, pissed her off.

The fact that this had nothing to do with last week's murder, that they still had a child killer on the loose, definitely pissed her off.

''I seriously need to…''

Emily stopped mid-sentence as she turned to face not one blonde, but two. It startled her to see Garcia standing next to JJ, unusually silent. Emily swallowed hard, trying her best not to look like she didn't expect to see her there, and that she was about to say something outstandingly inappropriate to JJ. Though from the looks of things, Emily could tell that Garcia had a damn good idea about what was about to fall out of her mouth.

''…get a drink.''

The brunette finished off reluctantly, now pissed off that she couldn't say what she wanted to say. Her darkened eyes shot from Garcia to JJ, pinning her with an accusing gaze that was full of the pent up fury that she felt. She did want a drink, that much was true. But she also wanted to fuck JJ senseless, and with their friend standing right there, Emily had to bottle that up too.

It pissed her off that they had to pussy foot around this. It pissed her off that JJ was so fucking dense about what she wanted, and who she wanted. And it pissed her off that she couldn't stick her neck on the line and prove to the younger woman why she'd be better off with her.

There was a hard pause, burning with the awkwardness that holding this kind of secret provoked, a secret that was swallowed as easily as sandpaper. Emily still fixated JJ with a look, one that was indeed made of fury, but also one that combined the fury with pure lust. Through her eyes she told JJ exactly what she wanted to do to her, and the fire behind those wants boasted a promise. She pinned JJ was a look that told her that she wanted her to walk away with her right now, leave the rest of the world behind, leave Garcia's side to be the bad girl.

JJ herself squirmed, caught between her two worlds. Her body reacted to what was whirling in Emily's eyes and she could literally feel the heat of her stare across her skin. But she could also feel the steely gaze of Penelope Garcia. God, if there was a rock she could hide under right now she would've probably taken that option.

''I…it's…I…''

The usually controlled and skilled younger Agent sputtered, trying to figure out exactly what she wanted to say. She looked between her best friend and her illicit lover.

''_Jennifer_.''

The way that her name was ground out by the ever increasingly pissed off Emily made her both shiver and gulp at the same time. It made her scared and turned on at the same time, and her head began to spin lightly. She was being given an order. Emily Prentiss was actually ordering her to go home with her and be the object she took everything out on.

''She has somewhere to be. Right JJ?''

Garcia interjected firmly, initially looking at Emily but turning to look at JJ with a quirked eyebrow that was also telling her what to do. The technical analyst was reminding her of her previous plans before she had put them on delay for this case. She was telling her in no uncertain terms that she _had _to leave for Baltimore. That she _had _to walk away from Emily.

''You know what, you should back off and mind your own business.''

Emily snapped, uncharacteristically, in the direction of one computer whiz. It had possibly been the first time the profiler had ever raised her voice in anger toward the usually perky, easy going geek.

''Oh I don't believe I will, not when you're trying to intimidate her to go home with you. A drink, Emily? I wasn't born yesterday, how about you just leave her alone and keep your hands to yourself.''

An easy going geek she was, but she was also ballsy and protective and she would and could stand up for herself, or in this case, JJ, when she needed to. Emily was being out of line, and she needed to know that this all had to stop. If JJ couldn't say it, she would.

''JJ's a big girl; she can do whatever she wants. Maybe if you had been a better friend to her she'd have done it a long time ago.''

''No, she can't do whatever she wants. And don't you dare judge my friendship when you've abused your friendship with her and twisted it into what you wanted. If you were any kind of friend you would never have let this happen, you wouldn't be using her for sex and destroying her sense of self.''

Garcia threw back, not standing down as Emily stepped up into her space inch by inch. She wasn't scared by that anger in her eyes; in fact she was glad that Emily was pissed off enough to let her intentions show. To her, it proved that the profiler was only after one thing, and anything that she was putting JJ through came last. Penelope liked her, she really did, but she had to draw a line and this was it.

''_Hey_! That's enough. Don't you _dare_ talk about me as though I'm not here, either of you, _ever_ again. Do you hear me?''

The infuriated blonde growled out dangerously, reminding the two women that were supposed to be her friends that she was actually stood right beside them.

''Don't you _ever_ presume to speak for me. Don't you ever presume to know what the hell I'm thinking, or what I want, or what's right or wrong for me. I get to decide that. And don't you dare talk about me as though I'm not responsible for my actions or myself. You just stood there and declared that I'm too fucking weak to know better, that I'm weak enough to be led into something you deem is bad for me. You just stood there and tried to control me.''

Garcia flinched at the rebuke that JJ threw at her in that frightening, spooky kind of intensity that meant she was too angry to be angry. JJ wasn't shouting, but instead her voice was solid and eerily calm, with a contemptuous and sharp edge to it that effectively cut right into her. It was a side of JJ that hardly ever came to the surface, but the look of absolute betrayal and resentment that poured out of her eyes explained its appearance right now.

''And you. Don't you _dare_ presume to speak for me either. I am not at your goddamn beck and call, you just made me feel like a fucking hooker. I will not roll over at the snap of your fingers, and don't you ever have such a lack of respect for me ever again. You have absolutely no right to criticise my reasons for staying in a relationship you know nothing about just because I'm sleeping with you. If you don't like it, then do something about it other than calling me your _whore_ and blaming my friends. Right then? You just stood there and did the same thing Delilah has done, you presumed to control me. Fuck you, you're a hypocrite.''

Emily too, despite her own mood, flinched under JJ's words. Actually, it was a little like being slapped across the face, or maybe punched in the gut. The blonde's words packed a powerful blow that immediately brought the brunette crashing down to reality, and the immediate sense of guilt and regret washed over her. With one look at Garcia, Emily could tell she was moving through the same emotions as she began to tear up.

However, JJ didn't stick around to indulge either of them. She left no room for apologies or platitudes. Instead she turned and stalked off, the air around her warning both of them that if they dared to follow her the verbal blow could quite possibly be made physical. If JJ was an overly aggressive person, they probably would've actually been slapped by now, given their behaviour.

It was a bitter pill to swallow for both of the women left standing uncertainly and awkwardly, amongst the ruckus and confusion of the night.

Emily shoved her hands into her pockets, glowering slightly as she thought about what JJ had said. It was wrong of her to snap at Garcia, but she hadn't been able to stop herself. Her words, as well as JJ's, were undoubtedly going to play on her mind all night.

''I thought we were friends.''

Garcia mused quietly, her voice showing her wounds and vulnerability.

''I thought so too.''

Emily agreed, hanging her head just slightly and looking at the other woman but not able to quite hold her gaze. She did hold a lot of affection for Garcia, she honestly did. Where tonight had come from though, was her assessment of everything she had witnessed since joining this team.

''I like you, Emily. In fact, I dare to go so far as to say that I love you. You're special, and that's the honest truth.''

''But?''

''Ultimately my loyalty lies with JJ, I'll have her back and that's the one single reason I haven't told Delilah what's going on between the two of you. Because when it comes to this affair? I'm on her side, it's just wrong. I know that you feel something for her, and under any other circumstance that's great, but pretending that Delilah doesn't exist won't make her go away. For you or for JJ. If JJ really doesn't want to be with her, then she should say so. And if you really want to be with JJ, then you should man up and make that clear.''

Emily looked at the ground as she nodded slowly, swinging between knowing and understanding that what Garcia was saying was true, and feeling as though she was alone. She didn't have JJ, not really, and no one seemed to grasp the depth of how badly and wrongly Delilah treated her, how much she took for granted and tried to change, bend and mould JJ into what she thought she should be.

The worst thing was Emily didn't know if she was any better after what the blonde had said. She had treated her with a great disrespect tonight, she knew that. She and Garcia both had deserved to be put in their places by JJ.

''That's fine, Garcia. You can be on Delilah's side. You can think what you want of me; you can make me the bad guy. Maybe I am, who knows? But on my _worst_ day, my very worst day like today, Penelope, I best Delilah Forrester so much that I eclipse her. And what I'm doing with JJ isn't just sex and we all know it, just because I'm too afraid of myself to do anything about it for real doesn't mean I won't. And it doesn't mean that it makes Delilah the best one for JJ, because she isn't good enough. She never has been and never will be. And I think you know that.''

Emily didn't look Garcia in the eye, but simply spoke toward the ground, a thread of strength through the quiet, almost mumbled statement after which Emily turned and walked away into the night.

XXX

''Well here's a girl I ain't set my eyes on in a while! How you doin' JJ?''

JJ snapped out from her reverie that had been induced whilst listening to the soft, late night rustle of the police bullpen she was stood in. Leaning heavily against a back wall, her gun still safely attached to her hip yet her credentials not on display, JJ waited patiently. Actually, the background noise had been soothing, and leaning right here against the wall as she waited had been the first real time that her brain had stopped thinking.

On the drive here she had still been infuriated and she had vented that through displays of aggression toward the drivers that probably hadn't done anything wrong as she had made her way through the traffic toward Baltimore.

JJ wasn't sure if it was a wise idea driving up here tonight of all nights, but she had indeed planned to before they had been called out earlier. Leaving her jacket in her car, JJ had walked her way through the police precinct that she had come to know pretty well. No one had stopped her for identification, maybe because they had seen her or maybe because they thought she was a cop, or maybe because she had that look of being one of them somehow or another.

''Bobby, hey. I'm good, you?''

JJ smiled at the guy that made his way toward her from the other side of the bullpen. He was a middle-aged guy, maybe a little older than Hotch. He had a charming smile and sparkling eyes, and once upon a time he had apparently been a 'babe magnet', before settling down. The people around here respected him, and Delilah had recently informed her that he was rumoured to be in line for the promotion that would allow him to take command of the unit when their Captain retired in a few months.

''I can't complain. You okay? You look…well, you don't look quite like yourself.''

JJ stalled for a second, wondering if this unassuming Detective had discovered her secrets by just looking at her.

''Rough case.''

''A kid involved?''

The blonde nodded affirmatively. Bobby sighed and shook his head, leaning against the edge of Delilah's desk lightly. Thankfully, he didn't ask why JJ hadn't sat there rather than leaning against the wall to the side of it.

''Yeah you got that look. There's not much cure for that, except maybe a good whiskey and a good woman. You got those, right?''

Bobby grinned cheekily at his question, not belittling what he'd said but trying to cheer her up, and despite herself, it worked.

''Yeah Bobby, I got those!''

He grinned again, springing up and reaching out to give her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

''Damn right! I have to go bug our ADA right now JJ, otherwise I'd stick around and chat you up! Another time?''

Again, JJ smiled; there had always been something about Bobby that was so likeable. He kept this unit running with his infectious humour and enthusiasm. That's what he used to deflect the crippling horrors he saw in this job, but he never made light of it. Beneath those, he was determined to at least try to make a difference. He was a good guy.

''You got it.''

The FBI Agent gave him a sweet smile as she waved slightly as he did, watching as he went on his way and disappeared around the corner. It was only a second, if that, that she heard both footsteps and voices coming from the opposite hallway. The one that she knew led to the interview rooms.

''Seriously, what the hell is it about education that people think they're above the law because they've been to college? What, getting a degree automatically means you couldn't _possibly_ be responsible for committing a crime? Do they think we're idiots? I did some night classes and passed up that poncy degree shit and guess what? I'm still the one with the badge, and I still get to arrest creeps like that. All college kids think they're so superior. Hey baby.''

Of course, it had been the sound of her girlfriend's voice that JJ had picked up straight away. Of course, she wasn't surprised to hear Delilah ringing the bell of her problem with education.

''Hey.''

''Just give me a minute and we can get out of here.''

JJ nodded silently, smiling briefly over at Dmitri as he nodded her way before flopping to his desk to hunch over some paperwork. After that, JJ watched her girlfriend swagger toward her desk. She had always looked upon Delilah's swagger with affection before, but for some reason tonight it irritated her. It didn't have anything to do with earlier, that had actually started to filter out of her head for now. It was the rant she had picked up on, one they had argued about a couple of times before.

The Portuguese cop quickly wrote out her paperwork, not sitting at her desk but instead leaning over it slightly. She looked good, JJ had to give her that. She'd left her hair down today, and it glistened in the bullpen's din light. She wore jeans with a blue shirt that she'd tucked in, and altogether JJ was surprised that anyone managed to get any work done with Delilah around to distract them. She was truly a beautiful woman.

The thing was, pre-Emily, Delilah had been the only beautiful woman. Now? She was just beautiful.

After a few minutes, Delilah handed in her quickly scrawled out report into the boss's office, grabbed her jacket and said her farewells to anyone that was listening. They didn't talk as they negotiated the night time human traffic throughout the precinct, and as they got into the open air Delilah pulled on her jacket as she followed JJ toward the car.

''I saw on the news you found that kid.''

JJ blinked, having been concentrating on the road, lulled by the wipers that rhythmically wiped the newly dropped rain off of the windshield.

''Yeah.''

''That's good.''

''Yeah.''

JJ paused as she made a right turn, waiting until she was on the straight road until she took in a slow, deliberate breath to speak.

''I'm a college kid.''

Delilah turned in confusion to look at her girlfriend.

''Yeah…''

JJ shrugged slightly, not giving away any trace of emotion on her face.

''I have a degree. _And_ I have a Master's.''

Delilah gained in her perplexity, frowning slightly as she tried to understand the sudden subject of JJ's education.

''Yeah.''

She confirmed with a small nod. JJ briefly looked at her before looking back onto the road.

''So I don't think I'm superior.''

The blonde clarified. For a second, it didn't sink in. Delilah just starred at her in complete bewilderment, and then it sank in as her own words came back to her. She drew in a breath, smirking slightly as she rolled her eyes and began to chuckle.

''Oh! Yeah I know. I didn't mean you.''

''Delilah, you said 'all' college kids. Am I not a college kid?''

''Well, yeah but…you're different.''

JJ cleared her throat lightly, still not showing any real signs of emotion across her face, but the atmosphere inside the darkened vehicle had strained slightly. It was always an eerie air when JJ got quietly mad, when she remained calm and controlled. Like right now how she navigated her car through the traffic easily, focused and almost effortless. A stark contrast to what she had been like on the drive here.

''I'm not different. 4 years at Pittsburgh and 2 at Georgetown say I'm not different. I worked my ass off in college, I worked my ass off in grad school, and I work my ass off now. You wanna tell me why you have such a problem with that? Because I'm not superior, and I'm proud of what I've accomplished.''

''Jenny, I'm not saying you shouldn't feel proud. I'm saying that a _lot _of these elitist, educated snobs think that they can get around the law. They think they're better than me because I decided to wear a badge.''

''I decided to wear a badge.''

JJ snapped, giving her first real indication of how pissed off she was. Maybe she was riled up already, maybe Delilah was pissing her off all on her own, the blonde didn't know. But she was itching for a fight now, she wanted to take everything she was feeling out on somebody, and Delilah had just drawn the short straw. It was a topic they had bickered on and off about for years now, and JJ had ordinarily let it slide. Not tonight.

''Yeah and look at what badge you're wearing! God JJ, it's not like you put on a uniform and hit the streets, is it? I did. I'm a cop. I'm a _cop _Jenny. I _chose _to be a cop, _you _chose the Agency, tell me there isn't a difference right there. Tell me that isn't just a good old alumni club.''

Delilah snapped back defensively, though with enough firmness and control to indicate the depth of her feeling on the matter. She had thought about it a lot.

''Look, I'm not saying that going to college or grad school or whatever is bad. I'm saying that it forms a certain attitude, and that's the thing I don't like. I'm smart too, Jenny, I got a whole set of smarts that some educated paper pusher in the Bureau will never have, and I'm proud of that. I love being a cop.''

The brunette added in a sigh as she leant her head back on the rest.

''Wow, you know what, talk about a superior attitude. You think you're better than me because you're a cop and I'm an Agent. You think the FBI is a waste of time, that we're just a bunch of suits filing papers and lording it over everyone else.''

''You _are _Jenny. How many cops have you railroaded in your line of work? How many precincts have you walked into and felt it within your right to take over? The Bureau has a chip on it's shoulder, and it goes right back to this elitist shit. And I tell you what, if you think I'm gunna push our kids into college if they don't wanna go, you're wrong. They can be and do anything, with or without college. I'm sorry if I've pissed you off, but I wasn't calling you superior, you don't act like that. You're just in the club is all, and it's frustrating that they look down on us. We do good work too.''

JJ turned to look at her girlfriend, faltering in her annoyance for a moment as she did. They were stopped at a red light, and JJ took the opportunity to really look at Delilah and see the emotion across her features.

''I know you do. You're right, we have done things to piss off or belittle the police. We try not to, but these things…sometimes it just happens and sometimes we're right and sometimes we're wrong. We're just two clubs trying to do the right thing Delilah, sometimes we get in the way of each other, it doesn't help that all of us are kinda territorial. I didn't go into the Agency because I thought the police were beneath me, or because it's an 'alumni club', I joined because I believed in something, I was inspired. That's all. And I will never apologise for my education, because I worked damn hard to get it. I'm not an elitist, I wasn't handed anything on a platter once in my life. I worked hard for it, and I learnt the languages I needed to to talk to all kinds of people, including cops, to work together. If you think that I have a flashy job, I don't care. It's what I do, and I'm good at it. We saved a kid today, we do good work too.''

The car fell silent, the conviction of JJ's words echoing in both of their ears. The blonde understood where the slightly younger woman was coming from, she really did. Some things that she had said rang true, but it didn't mean she or her place of work deserved to be written off as some snobbery club that only looked out for itself and didn't do anything worth while. They both came from proud law enforcement agencies and it was always going to be a contentious issue.

Long minutes passed as they retreated into their own thoughts. The differences between them were alarmingly apparent right now. Delilah was the minority that grew up with heads of siblings, an absent Father and a strict but loving Mother. She hadn't had much of anything and she'd had to work extra hard to earn her stripes and get where she had gotten today. JJ was the white farm girl that had never really wanted for anything, she'd gone to a good school, had both parents and what was considered a mostly usual number of siblings, and despite not being rich hadn't been poor either.

There were differences, and in the past, those differences used to make them sit up late at night talking and debating for fun. It made them banter and put the world to right. Now it just stuck a crowbar between them and force cracks to deepen and widen.

''We don't talk anymore.''

Delilah whispered, her head still leant back and her eyes closed. It was an unusual statement for her to come out with, especially considering the sadness and confusion came pouring through, showing a vulnerability that Delilah seldom liked to display.

''No.''

JJ whispered in agreement, unable to contest the truth.

''How do we stop ourselves sinking Jenny?''

JJ looked at her girlfriend briefly, thankful that she had the road to concentrate on too. A lump formed in her throat, the sadness emanating from the woman that had loved her for 5 years hitting into her like a battering ram. So much so, she almost lost her breath.

She didn't know how to stop them from sinking, she never had. And ultimately it was that that had driven her to Emily in the first place. Because the sinking had always been inevitable.

It was hard to keep a relationship afloat when one person didn't love the other.

XXX

''Do you like it?''

Emily asked eagerly, ignoring the view sprawling beneath them to instead look at JJ. It excited her to see how captivated the blonde looked, the way her breath hitched lightly and her piercing blue eyes sparkled and danced at the beauty they feasted on.

''It's beautiful, Emily.''

The blonde whispered, her voice cracking slightly in the hush. Emily smiled softly, glancing and the rolling countryside in front of them. High on this hilltop they could see for miles and miles, pure beauty right up until the horizon.

''I found it when I was younger. I've come here ever since, it's an escape.''

The brunette supplied gently, her voice lilting and thoughtful, full of memory and astonishment despite her many visitations to this spot. No matter how many times she came here, the view still bowled her over. It was so tranquil up here, so clear and fresh and still. In their lives, it was hard to find any kind of stillness or pure beauty. They saw blood and death and pain, granted with various pauses for relief and joy upon a safe return or a reunion, but when all said and done, they faced a lot of ugly that the world could produce.

''I can see why. It reminds me of home a little bit.''

Emily looked at JJ again, smiling warmly.

''I was hoping it would.''

Ripping her eyes away from what was in front of her, JJ turned her head sideways to look at the older woman. Seeing her pleased look, JJ began to think again. She had been reluctant to accept Emily's offer to go riding with her, but she had been so persistent. For a whole week she had been practically begging her to come with her, promising she would enjoy it and there was something special she wanted to show her.

The dust hadn't settled from their fight, but JJ had relented in her anger. She spoke to both Emily and Penelope as normal, sometimes trading barbs with them, sometimes simply going along with what she had to because they had to work together. Especially in front of the boys, there had to be nothing wrong, nothing out of place. And especially in front of Hotch, particularly as David Rossi was joining the team, everything had to be perfect, everything had to be efficient. _She _had to be.

Unwilling to let her work suffer, or their work suffer, JJ just rolled with it. Garcia had apologised, gave her that puppy dog look and begged to be forgiven. They didn't fight often, and it was obvious that Garcia didn't know quite what to do about it. JJ had given her partway absolution.

Emily however, wasn't exactly that easy. Penelope was trying at least, to do some right by her. She was trying to keep her honest. Maybe gone about it a little too aggressively, but that was her intent and it was pure. Right now, JJ couldn't work out Emily's reasons. She thought they had been at least decent, if not quite honest. She thought that Emily cared about her, that she wanted her away from Delilah because she thought she was controlling and ruining. After last week, the blonde wondered what Emily's motives were for everything that had happened. She had already admitted to wanting sex, then changed her mind to indicate she cared, now it seemed to go right back to sex.

''Why am I here, Emily? I mean, why did you bring me up here?''

The blonde asked quietly. She had to admit that so far she had been having a good time. Emily was supposed to have picked her up this morning, but the team had gone for a drink and of course, one thing had lead to another. Emily had ended up in her bed, much to JJ's annoyance, so after swinging by the brunette's place to grab her things they had driven to a private stable's. JJ had grown up on a farm, she was a solid rider, she had immediately loved the horse she had been introduced to, the one she was sat upon now. He stood quietly, as though he too were looking out onto the rolling countryside.

JJ had loved the ride; she didn't get to do things like this as much as she wanted to. Too busy for the most part, but when she could she did.

''A couple of reasons, I guess. I wanted to apologise, and I wanted it to mean something. How I spoke to you last week was out of line, and you had every right to go off at me like you did. I deserved it. I wanted you to know that I don't think you're a whore, not even close to it. I hate that I made you feel like that, and I've been trying to figure out how to make you believe me, to trust me again. You mean more to me than sex JJ, I wanted to show you that.''

It had occurred to Emily more than once this week that she was to blame for quite a few sins, including the way she had made JJ feel that night. She was also to blame for letting her best friend falter and unravel, for putting constant pressure on her, and most of all, letting JJ believe the wrong things about her. Everyday Emily found it harder and harder to not take JJ by the hand and lead her away from the complication and the hurt.

It just wasn't quite as simple as that. Emily was terrified. She was terrified of herself, she was terrified of JJ, and she was terrified of the life she had always wanted and never quite let herself have. Emily was a self-admitted self-saboteur. Her upbringing had been less than content, though she had technically wanted for nothing she hadn't exactly been taught how love and devotion was supposed to work. She had been taught politics and survival instead; she had been taught how to be independent and strong. Love? Love was just a trick in her family's world, it wasn't real and believing in it was weak.

''Emily, I…I don't even know what to say anymore. I feel everything slipping away and I don't know how to save any of it. I don't know how to make everyone happy.''

JJ looked back out over the view as she whispered, her voice low and for some reason, sorrow sweeping through it. Emily frowned slightly, it was an odd thing to say but it seemed to come from a painful place. There was more to that than just what had been going on, it was deeper than that.

''You don't have to make anyone happy JJ…you need to make you happy. Since I've known you, all you've done is give yourself to others. Including me. I'm saying now, that you need to do whatever you need to do for yourself. Don't think about anything else, or anyone else.''

''How am I supposed to do that?''

''Use your instincts. You have great instincts, and whatever you tell yourself you're a great person JJ. Life has a pretty devastating way of messing with your head, I know why you hold onto the things you have, even when they may not be the right thing for you. I know you wake up every morning terrified you're going to lose something, or someone. I know you shoulder the weight for things that you've somehow taken responsibility for.''

Emily took up the slack of her rains, clicking lightly and squeezing gently to give an indication to her horse. They moved sideways, closing the gap between them and JJ. Neither horse faltered at being closer, but JJ looked down, trying to refuse the temptation to look up. Emily didn't give her that chance though; instead she reached over and lifted her head as she turned it to face her.

''I'm not saying that I understand you, not all of you. And that's a good thing, there's something to be said about discovery. There's also something to be said about connection, and chemistry, and just a knowing for someone. As friends, family, or a lover. You know that you're not known or understood, as you'd like to be, because you close yourself off. You change yourself as best you can to fit the mould that's been cast for you, because you believe that if you don't, the next time you wake up, the next day, the next case, the next breath, Elle's going to shoot someone. Gideon's going to fall to pieces. Rossi will think you're frivolous, Hotch won't count on you. Something will happen to me. Reid won't just get beaten he'll get killed. You'll let a victim down. Delilah will die the next time. You're parents will destroy themselves. Another sibling will take their own life. You think if you fit the mould the first time around, she wouldn't have done it, but JJ, you were just a little girl and nothing was going to change the way she felt. She loved you, and just because she did it doesn't mean you weren't enough. Nothing means that.''

JJ couldn't stop the tears from falling, she couldn't stop herself from shaking, nor could she stop the familiarity of Emily's words. Those words, their reality, and her were good friends; they had been close all her life. Everything was ringing true, and it made her lungs hurt. It made her head spin and her stomach churn.

Disorientated, JJ dismounted her sturdy horse and landed wobbly onto the ground. She haphazardly clutched at the fasten of her riding helmet, dropping it to the ground as it came off and she continued to stumble toward the gaggle of small trees to the side of them. Once she got there, she doubled over, propping herself up by her hand on the stump before she began to hurl. It felt like bile that was forcing its way through her, it felt like nothing she had felt before. The words had been so true, her life's motivation had been so devastating and misunderstood for so long, that her stomach couldn't handle it. Everything was ejected.

Emily had quickly followed suit, practically jumping off of the horse and ridding herself of her helmet too as she quickly followed the blonde. Without hesitation she pulled JJ's hair back, she held onto her shaking body and didn't let go even as the quakes and hurls slowed to a stop. She held on tightly as the blonde leant into her, held on tightly as JJ's knees gave way, causing them to sink to the ground. And most importantly, Emily held JJ in her arms so that she could cry.

XXX

''You're not at all comfortable around me, are you?''

JJ looked across the top of the car toward Father Marks, narrowing her eyes slightly against the sun. She was grateful for the light wind that breezed past, it was warm out and it would get uncomfortable without the relief of a breeze. What was more uncomfortable was the man's stare; it was as though it pierced right through her. JJ kept the press from guessing such emotions from her, she was skilled at covering things up, but he seemed to see straight past that.

''No.''

The blonde answered honestly, the only way she could. It would be pointless to deny it, he already knew. And he wasn't upset or disapproving of it, to him it was a simple observation and it didn't stop his eyes from sparkling or the light smile that spread across his face.

''What's your name, Agent Jareau?''

JJ paused, taking time to think as she opened the door and got into the car. He followed suit, and for a moment neither of them spoke as seatbelts were buckled and JJ put the key in the ignition and started the engine.

''Jennifer.''

Thank the stars she had something else to concentrate on other than the man of god sat next to her right now. She could tell that he was looking at her speculatively, trying to work her out. She had always had a slight discomfort around priest's, pretty much for the obvious of reasons. Delilah's family were catholic and they blamed her for 'turning' their relative toward sin. Jesus if they only knew what she was like, they would know Delilah was a predator and not prey. She had come to grips with the fact she was gay at a young age, and it was difficult sometimes given the roots she came from, but she handled it. JJ had a lot of respect for that.

Personally, JJ had always found problems with religious authority. She found that things got far too black and white, far too absolute. There was no breathing room, no space to move. Her town had typically been quite religious, and every Sunday everyone had turned out to be preached to, and they had said the hollow words and gone right back out to the less than holy lives they were living. So to JJ, it seemed empty. She refused to put stock into something like that. Whether it made her right or wrong, she didn't know. But instead of subscribing to a religion, she held an open mind and believed in something. Whether it was god or people, or herself or nature, JJ wasn't sure.

''You seem troubled, Jennifer. It's not the case, it's something else.''

The Father remarked gently, narrowing his eyes as he watched her focus on the road. She was only a young woman, and he could see the weight she carried easily. He had seen it the moment that she walked into his church. He had seen that she was a nurturer as well as a quiet leader, walking in first and making the introductions because she was the Mother lion. Cautious and endlessly caring, intelligent and strong. Those were some obvious characteristics.

''I don't mean to sound rude, Father, but you don't want to know about my problems.''

JJ drawled as she navigated the car easily. The drawl held a sardonic hint to it even though she hadn't deliberately said it for such a purpose. She never intended to make a mocking of the man; she had just been dropped like a hot potato from so many religious people when they enquired about her that it had become almost second hand. She respected full heartedly what other people believed, they had every right, and from the seems of it Father Marks did a hell of a lot of good for his community. That was something she thought was great in whatever form it came.

''What makes you so sure?''

He challenged lightly. JJ took a glance at him before returning her attention back to the road.

''Because I'm a lesbian, and you're very catholic.''

Father Marks chuckled at her answer, perplexing JJ somewhat. She hadn't said anything to be funny, and it surprised her no end to hear him laugh. Not at her, but just a friendly, warm chuckle.

''Yes, yes I am very catholic. But it doesn't mean I'm indifferent to your problems. Everyone needs somewhere to turn.''

''I um…god I can't believe I'm talking to a priest about this…I lost my sister, when I was 11. She um…she committed suicide.''

JJ disclosed sadly, the essence of disbelief that she had just told a catholic priest that she was gay and that her sister had killed herself. Two things that you didn't exactly get points for in catholicism. Her hands gripped onto the steering wheel so hard that her knuckles began to whiten a little, tipping her hand at just how hard, painful and scary this was for her to talk about.

''I'm very sorry.''

Father Marks responded genuinely, it was surprising really. JJ had expected something other, she didn't know quite what but then again she had never expected to be talking to someone with a dog collar about her personal life. It was only warmth though, that she picked up from him, and sadness for what was obviously so very painful.

''I found her. I don't think she meant that to happen, but I er…there was so much blood...she'd been in the bathroom, just bleeding, and no one knew. She'd given me her necklace the day before, told me she loved me, she was saying goodbye and I didn't understand.''

If she hadn't have been holding onto the wheel, if her knuckles hadn't been going white, she would have been shaking. JJ couldn't remember the last time she had been so candid about the worst tragedy that had ever hit her family. However Emily knew, and JJ wasn't exactly sure how she knew, the blonde didn't think she knew this part; it was the part she rarely spoke of. Her parents had put her into therapy because of what she'd seen. Her Mother even thought it was a prevailing reason why she had gone into such a 'morbid' line of work.

''By the time my parents pulled me away, I was covered in blood. I was hysterical, in shock, I tried to go back but they wouldn't let me. I think about her everyday, I talk to her sometimes. I forgave her, but I never forgave myself. I never got over the blood, Father. I still see it, and I think that if I don't do everything right, it'll happen again. It _did_ happen again.''

Father Marks frowned in confusion, having remained silent to let JJ talk.

''What do you mean?''

''I was almost killed with a knife in a bar; the only reason I wasn't was because the girl that I had been seeing put herself in front of me. It happened so fast, one second he was coming at me, the next she was on the floor, bleeding. She'd told me she loved me, and I never said it back because I didn't know, I didn't understand. So ever since then I've spent every single day trying to make it up to her. Maybe trying to make it up to Tarrin too, I don't know. The problem is, I don't know if I ever did love her. I think maybe, in some warped way, I've been trying to do right by my sister because I couldn't save her.''

JJ let out a shaky breath, feeling her lungs burn inside her chest. She couldn't cry, not right now. Not in front of him, not while she was driving this car, and not when she knew she had a job to do. The women being murdered were somebody's sister and daughter too, they were a lot of things to many people, and she had to do what she could to help stop the man from taking them away.

Emily had set her off on this path, this thought process of linking everything back to the most vivid memory she had, to the most defining moment of her childhood. People had always admired her maturity growing up, she had always been focused, always driven to learn and to play. The truth was, she'd just had to grow up far too fast.

''Forgiveness is a tricky thing, Jennifer. God can forgive you, the people around you can forgive you, but ultimately, it's only yourself that has the power to truly forgive. You've never had anything to make up for, that's what she wanted you to remember. She came to you; she was telling you that there was nothing you could have done. There was nothing else you could do for your sister, Jennifer. Suicide is painful because it leaves the one's left behind thinking they did something wrong, but you haven't. Her pain was never your fault, and her blood was never truly on your hands. I hope that you find it in yourself to know that and to forgive yourself.''

JJ glanced at him quickly a couple of times, listening carefully even though she was still hesitant to believe. Maybe he wasn't speaking to her as a priest, but just as a person who could counsel. Maybe just as a person that listened and gave his honest feedback. He spoke with such softness that it actually warmed her a little, pierced through the numbness that had set in. Whether it would change things for her, she wasn't sure just yet. This had been tangled within her for so many years, sitting there and bubbling inside.

What JJ realised is that she had never seen it the way he just had. She had always carried around some blame, some strong, influencing fault that had put that weight onto her shoulders that many people saw. If she had gotten up a little earlier, if she had questioned her sister's motives a little harder when she had given her her necklace, if she had understood the pain behind her eyes. Would it have made a difference? Or was Tarrin irreparably damaged? A bird with a broken wing, unable to fly.

JJ had looked into the subject matter a lot. Morbid fascination perhaps. She had volunteered for many things connected with suicide since she had been a teenager in college; she donated and tried her best to make her experience do some good. So why couldn't she believe for herself what she spoke of to other people? The types of things that Father Marks had just spoken of to her. Maybe he was right, maybe she just had to forgive herself somehow, and everything else would follow.

XXX

JJ felt a faint buzzing in her ears, probably brought on by the headache that had been stabbing her brain all the way home, but also she was sure it was coming out of the fact it had worn itself out thinking of everything. It had been one hell of a couple of days, work wise and personally wise.

With the reflective still that had drifted over the plane, each member generally keeping to themselves, trying to swallow the utter horror they had uncovered. Emily particularly seemed to be struggling with stopping her stomach from emptying anything it could. No one had suspected the depth of depravity that this case would lead to, the consumption of human flesh. It was vile to even think about, so taboo in its nature that it couldn't be bared to be thought of. Only, they'd had to, it was there job.

It was the townspeople that JJ couldn't stop thinking about. They had consumed something they had never wanted, never agreed to. They had put their trust in another volunteer, they had put their trust in them, and he had been right within their grasp. He had included anyone he could into his sin. JJ couldn't help but think it was an intrusion on their bodies, they had something in them that that had never given permission to be there. The talk of forgiveness in the car with Father Marks popped into her head; it would take those people a long time to forgive themselves for something that was most definitely not their fault. But they had blood on them, in them, and JJ could relate to that.

It was almost impossible to shake off that feeling, impossible not to see it or feel it on you. Such responsibility that people carried, such weight. Things that shook the foundations of who you always thought you were. Something sacred had been lost, damaged and maybe even destroyed.

''Emily, hang on a second?''

JJ called down the hallway as she caught a glimpse of the brunette heading out of the bullpen and toward the elevator. It was getting late; most Agents' had gone already, their team had begun filtering out too. JJ had chatted with Garcia when they had arrived back, got the gossip on this hot guy she was going on a date with and wished her luck. Pretty much everyone had gone as she had been catching up on some work that had been left for her in her office, taken a call from Delilah telling her she'd be home later tonight, and answered some enquiring emails.

Work was one of the only real ways that she knew how to deal with what they had seen out there. Ironic, that work was a way to deal with work. It was hard to explain, but bit-by-bit JJ gathered her composure as she went about her routines. The other real way of dealing with it, she had come to find, was Emily.

''Are you heading home?''

''That was the general idea, yeah!''

The brunette smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. All the way home she had struggled to stop the bile churning, and she had yet to reason in her head why someone would want to do something so inhumane. But then, that's who they had to deal with, wasn't it? Monsters of all shades of evil.

''You up for company?''

The blonde wondered, feeling the desperate need to be with Emily. She didn't care in what form, whether they just huddled in close, slept or had sex. Right now it didn't matter, right now it was just about being near her. It was about being near someone who understood, someone who cared and could quell the thoughts and the intrusions.

''Definitely.''

Emily hushed out, feeling the exact same way. She had put off going home because she knew she would be alone, but the longer she stayed at the office the more exhausted she became.

''Give me a half hour, I'll finish up here and follow you home.''

Emily nodded in agreement, silently liking the feeling of hearing JJ say home. It was almost like she was saying it for real, and it flooded Emily with some much needed warmth. She smiled as she stepped into the elevator, feeling better already knowing that JJ would be thinking of her, would be coming home to her. It's exactly what she needed.

Things were never quite that simple though. It was never that simple. Instead of greeting JJ at her door, instead she answered her phone to her. At first she thought that maybe the blonde was stuck downstairs, by the time she had finished their brief conversation, Emily wished that were the case.

Upon arriving home, the first thing the brunette had done was lit a couple of candles, put on some music, and hit the shower. The heat was searing, but she needed it. The steam filled the bathroom up so thickly she could barely see. But it had the desired effect. It revived her body, refreshed it and reminded it that she was still alive, still felt. Something had been washed off, leaving her freer, leaving it easier to breathe.

That feeling didn't last for long though. In fact, answering her phone made it harder to breathe. A lot harder. JJ hadn't been stuck downstairs; she had been on her way to the hospital with Hotch. One of their own, possibly the most innocent of them, was down. Someone so precious and sweet to them all. A woman that she had only just gotten the friendship with back onto the rails. Now this? Now she was lying in hospital with a bullet in her gut?

They were the Agent's, they were the one's with the guns, why did it have to be her?

Emily had gotten dressed as fast as humanly possible, only just remembering to blow the candles out on the way out, totally forgetting to shut off the music. This was a nightmare, how could something like this happen?

''Emily!''

Emily turned, blinking out of her daze as she waited for Rossi to catch up to her. Evidently he'd managed to get home and changed too. She felt a sudden wave of guilt; they had all been doing something else, relaxing, as Garcia had been shot.

''Do you know anything?''

The older profiler asked, picking up her pace as they strode down the corridor.

''No, just what JJ told me over the phone.''

Rossi nodded and they just focused on getting to the other's as quick as they could. Emily had always hated hospitals, for as long as she could remember. Perhaps reminiscent of having to say her goodbyes to her Grandfather in one, she didn't quite know. They weren't the greatest of places, though some wonderful things happened in them. Emily had always pushed it aside when necessary, but right now, with her friend on the table, she couldn't help but think of it for some reason.

XX

''She'll be okay, right? She's strong.''

JJ didn't know whether she was trying to convince herself, or whether she was asking Hotch to convince her. She looked up at him, not bothering to look strong, not bothering to hide the tears in her eyes and the fear she felt.

God this was like de ja vu. Here she was again, sat in a hospital waiting room with Hotch. It was funny, the things that could pop into your brain when you were sitting in a place like this. Life was hanging in the balance, and that sober reality made you question your own morality. It made you question the substance of which you were made of.

JJ thought about life, about where they had just come from, and all those cases that were piled up in her office right now, just begging for attention. Life was hanging by a thread, every single second of the day. It was so very fragile, so easy to lose, so easy to end. People were porcelain almost; one good crack and it could all be done.

It was something everyone took for granted, never bothering to look too closely at the shadows around them, never wanting to acknowledge the delicate state they were all in. It was too scary to think about the threats that chased you, too frightening to know how brittle and breakable you were. But she had thought about it, she'd had no choice in the matter. JJ had been taught how easily breakable people were, and the fact that everyone could get hurt, could be extinguished in the blink of an eye, was driven home the morning she had forced her way into the bathroom. The life in her sister had seeped out of her, colouring the floor so thickly that the tile underneath the blood couldn't be recognised.

It was funny that the smell of life was so bitter and metallic, left too long only putrefied into an overwhelming stench. The feeling on it on your skin was never truly describable, not when it was somebody else's. And never when it was shed for the wrong reasons, or when it was shed for you, over you.

JJ was silently relieved that she didn't have to see the blood this time around; right now she didn't know how she would have handled that. What she sat here thinking was that maybe it wasn't the most important thing in life. The loss of blood wasn't always the be all and end all. Delilah had fought it, and JJ had to believe that Garcia would too. Tarrin was broken, she was a trapped soul and JJ had come to accept that maybe she had already been dying inside. It was nobody's fault, not her parents', and not hers. Life and death went hand in hand, and perhaps Tarrin had been born with something in her that had never been given the gift of life. Not a darkness, but so much pain that it was simply intolerable. Maybe it had been the strongest thing for her to do in the end.

Strength also came in many shapes and sizes. Delilah was strong enough to fight, she had taken her damage and she had attacked it. Her damage had been physical, it was easily solved. She'd had good surgeons, good doctor's, and a strong will. For Tarrin it had all been internal. And JJ was starting to think that perhaps she had absorbed some of that. Maybe she had been bleeding all these years, waiting for something or someone to stop it. And there was. There was someone to stop the blood flow.

Hotch didn't answer her, either by design or by the timely arrival of Rossi and Emily. There was no end to the relief JJ felt as the brunette immediately came to stand close to her, whether it was a conscience move made by the profiler or just a need to be near her, it didn't matter. What mattered was that she was here. The one person that could help her stop the blood flowing was here.

Time sprawled out, torturing all of them with its silence. For the most part, the team couldn't even sit. They paced, JJ roamed the halls, trying to get an update on her best friend. It was unbelievable; she had only talked to her a couple of hours ago, laughing with her about her date. Garcia had been excited, a tad nervous which was unlike her, but altogether her usual giddy self. Now she was lying in the operating room with a bullet in her gut, and strangers poking around her insides to try and save her.

It was as the adrenaline began to surrender to exhaustion, to pure worry and terror that Garcia wouldn't pull through this that made them begin to lag. Retreating to corners to think, unable to voice their respective thoughts. No one was willing to try and keep the mood light; there was simply no point.

It didn't even occur to JJ that she was supposed to be home right now. It didn't even occur to her that she had spoken to Delilah, promising to be home within the hour. It didn't occur to her that upon making the plan to follow Emily home, JJ hadn't had the time to call her girlfriend with an excuse of why she wouldn't be home. The only person she was concerned about right now, was Penelope. And the only person that was making that worry the least bit close to manageable, was Emily.

So JJ didn't think anything of the fact that Emily took her hand knowingly, giving her a soft, supportive squeeze. She was giving her a lifeline, a hope to hold onto, letting her know that she wasn't alone. It was exactly what she needed. The older woman didn't have to say anything, but JJ could tell through her daze and fear that Emily knew what was going on in her head.

It never occurred to her to not hold Emily's hand, even if the guys did see them. Why would they care? It was a tense time and the move could be chalked up to friendship and support. Reid was never going to say anything, so what did it matter?

It did matter. The way they were leaning into each other, the way Emily looked at her, the way they clutched onto one another, it mattered. Because the one person that would never mistake the combination of those things, the one person that could tell what those meant, stalled as she walked around the corner.

Delilah Forrester really wasn't that stupid. As soon as she turned the corner, she saw it. She saw the adoration in Emily's eyes; she saw the closeness that couldn't be chalked perfectly up to friendship. She saw the attraction and the love that came from the older brunette, directed toward that which she didn't have any right to.

For the first time, Delilah realised the threat that Emily Prentiss posed on her relationship. Silently, immediately, she declared war.


	14. Chapter 14

**Title**: Bloodsport  
**Author**: darkbardzero  
**Fandom**: Criminal Minds  
**Pairings**: Jennifer Jareau/Emily Prentiss  
**Ratings**: 18  
**Summary**: ''Love is just a Bloodsport.''  
**Disclaimers**: All things Criminal Minds belong to people other than me. I just write stuff.  
**Author's Notes**: Well, this is something that was originally part of a drabble I wrote in the CM music challenge. Back then, I was nudged and encouraged by**Steppenwolf_20 **to write it full length. So here it is! It's been in the works for quite a while due to various reasons, but it's on the tracks now.  
**Thank You**: To **Steppenwolf_20** for suggesting it, **Sofia_Lindsay **for not letting me give up on it early on, and **Heidimaggs22** for supporting me, batting ideas around, putting up with rants and waffles and for being my rock! Ta to **Heidimaggs22** and**Sofia_Lindsay** for beta'ing.  
**A/N** - This hasn't been beta'd, the lovely **Heidimaggs22** has been super super super busy :) You'll be glad to know that I'm actually finishing the story now, so there should be a steady stream of updates until completion! And if I haven't had time to get back to you personally for your lovely feedback, I do sincerely apologise.

**A/N - **Just an added note to say that this chapter has in it the original drabble that started this whole thing off! It'll be in italics.

XXX

''I can't believe she came here.''

JJ sighed tiredly, the concern and relief mixing through it, not to mention the abstract annoyance she held toward her girlfriend. It felt like an intrusion. Her presence had ripped her away from Emily, separated them for the couple of hours that Garcia had been on the table. It had actually seemed alien that she was there; holding her, whispering to her, telling her everything would be okay. She didn't need those kinds of hollow reassurances, she didn't need platitudes and she certainly didn't need to be smothered. Emily's support had come as support, and whether Delilah had realised it or not, her support came in the form of that patronising encouragement that parents gave to their kids when something bad was happening.

Ultimately it was sweet that she had come here, also worried about Garcia. JJ couldn't begrudge her that; she did care about the other woman. But part of her wondered just why the hell she had come looking for her in the first place, as though she was in trouble for missing curfew.

''How did she find out?''

Emily asked lowly, watching JJ stare at herself in the mirror. There wasn't anybody else in the toilets; they were alone with the steady buzz of the overhead lights. The group had split, each with a game plan. They were to wait here for when their friend gained conciseness as Hotch and Rossi went to the scene. Emily believed they were doing the right thing, this was their domain, someone had hurt one of them so he had hurt all of them. No one was going to muscle them out of this, that was for sure.

''She um…she said that Anderson told her. She called the office, I was late.''

The blonde admitted, cringing slightly because she knew how that would sound to Emily. She had been late home, which meant that she had never had the express intent to go home with her. It had been a sudden decision, a whimsy, if you will. It would make Emily feel like the second choice, not seeing past that fact to the truth that JJ had been willing and ready to feed Delilah yet another lie to go and be with her instead.

JJ sighed at Emily's silence, her blank look, and moved to turn the water on. Leaning over, she cupped her hands and splashed some of the liquid onto her face, relishing the refreshing coolness. They were all so tired, they had been up for what felt like a lifetime, and there would be no stopping until they got this done. Until they could be safe in the knowledge that Garcia was safe once more.

''JJ, she saw us holding hands.''

Emily pointed out quietly, not mad enough to remind the younger woman that this could potentially mean trouble. Delilah had been sending her some off vibes, a couple of looks, and she had been overly protective of JJ. That could have been either the situation, the Detective's personality, or the fact that the penny had dropped.

''I know.''

Emily nodded, looking at the floor as JJ stood up straight again, wiping off the water with another sigh. The next thing she knew, she was being pulled forward, turned, then pushed backward. She didn't have the time to react, though her instincts surrendered to JJ anyway. Emily let herself be pushed into the stall, the deafening sound of the door being slammed shut and locked only barely registering before the blonde's mouth was on her own. Hungry and demanding and urgent. Emily didn't know how long they stood there making out like there was no tomorrow, but it left her dizzy and out of breath when they finally ripped apart from the lack of oxygen.

''I really needed that.''

''Me too.''

JJ smiled, brushing through some of Emily's hair softly, not releasing the body pin she had on her.

''We can't think about this now, Em. We need to be strong for Garcia right now. But dear god, any other time, you'd have me on my knees right now!''

Emily chuckled, glad that JJ was getting back to herself enough to let her cheeky side show. This woman was so many things, she had many dominant moments that were usually stifled or made subtle in front of others. JJ wasn't bothered about looking any other way, but when they were alone, when she was in control, Emily felt like she wanted to explode. She felt like she wanted to give everything over to JJ, willingly, just hand her very self over. That was something she had never done for anyone.

''I will definitely hold you to that, Jareau.''

''As soon as this is over.''

The blonde promised, leaning forward to place another kiss on Emily's lips. This one was slower, skilfully deep and telling of what JJ had in store for her. The things that would have come to pass last night, if not for the bastard that had shot their friend. First they'd deal with him, then everything else would follow.

''Jenny? You in here?''

JJ tensed, stopping mid-kiss as her girlfriend's voice penetrated through the air. She gently pulled away from Emily, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. A part of her, a strong part, wanted to walk out with the brunette. This would all be over if she did. But she had just informed Emily that they needed to be strong now for Garcia, and she had to hold herself to that too. There had been far too much bloodshed on her watch, and she was determined to put an end to it now. With the resolution of this, JJ had begun to think that maybe it would be a resolution for so many other things. If not, then a giant step in the right direction.

''Yeah, one second.''

Not breaking her eye contact with Emily, JJ leant sideways to pull the handle of the toilet flush. She stalled for a couple of seconds, lifting up her hand to let her fingers glide down the brunette's face, before looking away as she turned to unlock the door. She was careful, though unobvious, about the way she stepped out of the cubicle, making sure the door didn't swing wide.

''You okay baby?''

Delilah asked, narrowing her eyes in concern. JJ smiled, trying to make the flush across her face go the hell away.

''Yeah. I just realised that I hadn't peed in like, forever.''

She shrugged lightly, brushing it off easily. Delilah just nodded, reaching up to sweep through JJ's hair.

''Morgan said the Doctor came by when I was on the phone, it's good news about Garcia.''

''Great news.''

JJ corrected lightly, feeling the rush of warmth sweep through her about it. She couldn't even describe how happy she was right now.

''Anything I can do to help you catch this guy, just let me know.''

The Detective offered genuinely. No one got to take shots at them, ever. There may have been difficult differences between cops and FBI, all law enforcement agencies had that problem, but no one got to shoot at them. If you carried a badge, if you worked in the organisation, it was the end of the story in Delilah's eyes. There was no wiggle room, and if someone was stupid enough to break that rule then it was down to them to school them on it.

''We can handle it.''

JJ replied defensively, shoving her hands into her pockets and lifting her shoulders as though she needed to protect herself. It came out before she had time to catch it, along with the glare she sent her girlfriend's way.

''I never said you couldn't. I'm just sayin', Garcia's my friend too. God, I've known her longer than _Emily_ has. I'm not even sure why you didn't call me yourself, you knew I was in the city.''

JJ rolled her eyes and groaned slightly, lifting a hand up to rub the bridge of her nose as she stepped back from her girlfriend.

''I can't deal with your bitching right now. It's a team thing, okay, we work together.''

Delilah narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the slightly older woman in front of her. In five years she had never had any reason to suspect JJ of anything. All the time they spent apart, all the time that the blonde spent with other women, it had never occurred to her the possibility that anything could happen.

''Live together, die together, right?''

''Exactly.''

''So what am I? Just the incidental girlfriend that gets in the way? She…god, she was all over you, do you even realise that? You better figure out a way to make sure she knows that being a team doesn't give her the right to hang off you like that. Or I will.''

Delilah threatened seriously, her breathing turning into a slow pant as the anger pushed into her chest. No way, no way would she stand back and let that woman try and hack her way into JJ's head or her heart. Delilah didn't believe that the blonde would do anything, but she didn't care and it wasn't the point. The point was that Emily had no right to her, and she wouldn't let her get away with it. They had a plan, a life ahead of them, and she would protect that for all she was worth.

''For fucks sake Delilah, get over yourself. You have no idea what you saw, so just stop with the amateur dramatics. I've told you before, you start down this road and we're done. I am not property to be protected. Leave Emily alone.''

JJ growled, feeling the pressure more than ever. She was a hair breath away from snapping and throwing her affair in Delilah's face. What stopped her, she wasn't exactly sure. The Detective had turned into that over protective jock again, and she couldn't stand it.

As she tried to walk passed her girlfriend, she was stopped as Delilah grabbed her arm and spun her around to face her again.

''You don't ever tell me what to do, and don't ever belittle our relationship or me again. I see someone coming onto you I'm sure as hell going to shut it down. You tell that bitch to back off, or I'm going to do it for you. Do you understand?''

The menace that Delilah spoke with stalled JJ for a moment, the darkness in her eyes actually scared her. Delilah could be possessive but she had never done anything to step over a line, she had tried to order her around sometimes, but she had never gone so far as to threaten her or physically try to frighten her. For the first time JJ began to wonder just how far the Detective would go. For the first time she could see the potential for violence within her eyes, and she wondered if Delilah would ever turn it on her. It was something that she had never truly worried about. The good thing about dating women was that it reduced the risk of domestic abuse, in most cases. She had come across it before, through other people. But she had never actually worried about it with any partner she'd had, including Delilah. Now, she was a little afraid of what the woman was capable of.

''Let go.''

JJ glared toward her girlfriend, refusing to flinch or cower under her grasp or her threat. She wasn't some baby, she was a Special Agent in the FBI, and she could hold her own. She looked down at the hand that Delilah had wrapped around her arm; it was a tight, hurtful grip. JJ was aware that Emily was still in the stall, and if this didn't end right now, she would come out to _make _Delilah let her go.

''Let go. Right now Delilah.''

The blonde repeated her order, the hushed tone carrying its own threat. It seemed to be enough to jar Delilah, to make her realise just what she was doing. The venom and menace in her eyes dissipated, and she looked shocked at herself as she loosened her grip and let her hand fall from JJ's arm.

''Jenny I…''

''Go home.''

JJ strode out of the bathroom, leaving Delilah standing there alone. She could only hope that she wouldn't discover Emily, or that Emily wouldn't walk out to give her a piece of her mind about how she had just acted.

Right now, she had to compartmentalise. Right now she had to be Agent Jareau, and not JJ who was stuck between a rock and a hard place with her relationship and her affair. There was only one last acknowledgement as she returned to the safety of the waiting room where Morgan and Reid were trying not to climb the walls. One way or another, this was all going to have to end soon. She had to make a decision, because incidents like that could not happen ever again.

XXX

It hadn't been a hard decision. You always wondered, right from the application process, if one day you would have the guts to pull your weapon. If you did, you had to have the balls to use it. No one wanted to, not really. Not unless they were screwed up. But you take an oath, you become the job, you believe in your badge.

Fidelity. Bravery. Integrity.

That's what you promised. It's what you had to believe in, it's what you had to breathe. JJ had signed up and she would have considered it not just cowardice but treason if she didn't do everything in her power to protect.

So no, it hadn't been a hard decision in the end. It had been easy to move out of her office and down the hall. The bullpen was compromised, there was a hostage in harms way, and there was a continuing threat to Penelope. By a man that was supposed to have taken his own oath, that was supposed to believe in his badge too. Instead he had abused it, hid behind it, tried to use it to glorify himself.

Still, whether the decision had been hard or not, it was a bizarre rush of emotions that tangled through you when you were only feet away from the man you had killed. The situation had been diffused; safety had once again been regained. It had been a long few days, that was for sure.

''It was your log in, wasn't it?''

Emily drawled slowly as she sidled up to the reflective blonde. The danger had been alleviated by the time they had arrived. A couple of base Marine's had secured the floor once they had been alerted of the threat, but by all accounts they had missed the action too. JJ had taken Battle out, ending the threat of a shootout and thus ending the threat on their beloved team member. Oh and of course, ending the threat of their Internal Affairs guest. The one that was still shaking.

JJ turned her head away from watching Garcia with Kevin Lynch to look at Emily, her eyes sparkling slightly. She shrugged lightly, that enigmatic smirk covering her lips. It had been Hotch's hint, but JJ hadn't really expected anyone else but one of them to make sure there had been an opportunity there. If it had gone badly, then she would have taken the rap, how could she have asked anyone else to?

This was something she could have done something about. This was something she could help stop. She had never expected to have to kill, but there again, she hadn't flinched. JJ had relied upon her capabilities, she wasn't a sucky shot and she knew she could make it even with the glass as a barrier. She had been able to do something this time, been able to stop something worse from happening.

''Rossi said you made a hell of a shot, JJ.''

Again, JJ simply shrugged.

''I practice!''

Emily smirked lightly, more relaxed now that this was over, but still feeling the burn of the tension, emotion and exhaustion. It hadn't been far from her mind what happened in the bathroom, either. The way that Delilah had spoken to the blonde, and by the sound of it, the way she had taken hold of her. There was simply no way that she was going to let that slide, no way. In her head, there was no excuse to ever do that, and it made her resolve all the stronger to get JJ away from the other woman.

''Do you wanna get out of here?''

Now wasn't the time to bring it up though, instead, now was the time to go home and get some rest.

''I wish I could. They're coming to collect my gun and take my statement before I can go.''

Right, procedure. It might have been best to get it out of the way anyway. The sooner JJ complied, the sooner they could get on with their lives. The sooner JJ would be issues her weapon back and this could go safely in her jacket as a good shoot. Not that there was any doubt it would happen any other way, but every Agent hated the waiting period just in case.

''Well, I have a gloriously expensive bottle of white with our names on it, how about I pick up some food and leave the door open?''

Emily suggested smoothly, lacing enticement through her tone. She didn't want JJ going anywhere but her place after she gave her statement, particularly not home.

''Excellent idea, Agent Prentiss.''

Emily was about to say something to counter the comment, but she realised the other reason JJ had chosen to respond in such a way. Hotch approached to beckon JJ over, saying they had to go and make their reports.

XXX

The music floated throughout the whole of the apartment. It was loud enough to be heard properly in any position but not loud enough to be obnoxious. Despite the fact that Emily shared only one neighbour on this floor she still had one. He didn't tend to make a nuisance of himself but there had been the odd occasion when things had gotten a little too over raucous that he had ended up knocking on her door and asking her to keep it down. Emily had to admit that if she was being loud enough for him to hear then she was being extremely loud. It wasn't as though these apartments were paper-thin even if they were pre-war.

Emily had done as she had said, stopping on her way home to pick up some take out, as well as a few other supplies. The food was downstairs, being kept warm in her oven, and she had put the wine in an ice bucket after pouring herself a glass to start getting into the mood. It was JJ's playlist that she had playing in her stereo, mostly energetic tunes but some with a slow, thicker and seductive beats to them too. One hot song after another, which made Emily smirk as the realised that they had done more to these songs than dance, as they were originally intended.

It was just what she needed to make the transition from work to play. From tension to relaxation. Supervisory Special Agent Emily Prentiss was now carefully tucked away. She wanted to take her mind off of everything that had happened, and she wanted to do the same for JJ. Her thought process had led her to the conclusion that one of her sexier lingerie outfits would help do the trick. She stood, having showered away the day, sipping wine in nothing but a matching pair of black bra and panties, one's Emily already knew drove JJ insane.

The thrill of knowing that JJ was coming home to her buzzed through her, it excited her. Their night hadn't even started yet but she felt the anticipation simmering inside of her, just waiting. Tonight wasn't only about letting off some steam, but about being together too, about sharing and exploring and devouring. Her body yearned for JJ's, craved it as though it were a drug. Emily realised that she was hopelessly addicted but that was just fine with her. There were much worse things to be addicted to.

The brunette was so lost in thought about JJ that she didn't even notice that JJ herself was standing in the doorway. Upon going unnoticed, JJ remained silent as she leant on the doorframe to simply watch and study Emily hungrily. Right now, there was only one thing she wanted, and it was obvious in her eyes as they feasted upon the sight before them. Just the sight of Emily's body wrecked havoc on her own.

''Hey baby.''

The blonde finally vocalized her presence as she shifted her stance slightly. Rather than being leant on the frame she kind of ended up draping on it slightly. One arm reached upward which arched her body sideways and she rested her other hand on her hip.

It took all of her willpower not to laugh as Emily startled slightly, mouth dropping open slightly as she gaped toward her. It was kind of fun to make Emily Prentiss speechless like that, all wide-eyed and practically drooling. Obviously, she had exactly the same intentions as JJ herself.

''Hey yourself.''

The brunette replied just as seductively. The blonde didn't move as Emily's eyes roamed, nor did she flinch under the intense gaze. It made her feel alive when Emily looked at her like that, all coveting and lustful. It pleased her that the brunette's voice had cracked just a little and already the rawness was showing through as she had lost the footing of her breath.

Emily sure as hell had lost the rhythm of her breath. JJ looked downright hot. Smoking hot and oh so very fuck-able. Her lithe body draped in the doorway taunting her, making her hands twitch and her blood boil. Something deep inside tighten and yearn for more. The blonde hadn't changed, she was still in the clothes she had worn, it was her demeanour, and the knowledge that she could act upon it now.

Jennifer Jareau could switch from being beautiful to being a femme fatal, Emily knew she had never even stood a chance, and that's just how JJ had wanted it. To reduce her to putty and it was working. The blonde was oozing was pure and raw sex appeal. What she was oozing was irresistible and dominating. Emily began to gain the distinct impression that they were going to be eating late.

She could only watch in stunned silence, with a lump in her throat and a burning in her gut as JJ silently began to undress. There were no words for the torture that it felt like, but it was meant to be a show so Emily simply watched until the blonde was in nothing but her underwear and went back to her previous leaning position.

''You're driving me crazy.''

She breathed out lowly, her breathing still hilted as her eyes continued to study the blonde. Her throat went from being completely dry to her mouth watering and she swallowed hard as she drank in her feast, every single muscle and fibre beginning to ache for that lithe and supple body that was still lounging against the doorframe.

Jennifer was sinfully beautiful, sinfully gorgeous, sinfully tempting. Jennifer was Emily's biggest vice, her biggest weakness, her biggest craving. It had been that was from the very moment she had clapped eyes on the younger woman, the woman that had captivated everything she had going within an instant. And here she was before her now, that dangerously wonderful look in aroused darkened blue eyes. Who was Emily to resist that? If she was one thing then Jennifer Jareau's slave was it.

Before she could do much of anything about the urges and desires sweeping through her body Emily turned her head toward the nightstand of her bed as her cell phone began to ring. It buzzed along the surface as it vibrated, and with a small sigh the brunette turned away from JJ to reach for the offending object that she could have quite happily have flushed down the toilet at that moment in time.

''Prentiss.''

Emily didn't notice that JJ pushed off of the wall and began to cross the bedroom toward her.

''Hey Garcia, are you…''

Emily stuttered in her words as two hands wove themselves along her sides, easing across her skin to the front of her stomach. Her eyes closed momentarily as she forgot she was supposed to be on the phone talking to her friend. Instead she lapped up all the sensations that JJ caused. The blonde pressed up against her from behind, and began to kiss, suck and lick along her neck slowly, hotly, as those hands of hers began to move upward.

''I umm…no I'm fine…I'm just…shit!''

The brunette was positive that she felt JJ smirk against her neck as the blonde bit down on her lightly as her hands had moved up to palm her breasts. JJ obviously enjoyed the fact she was making her so affected and whilst she was on the phone to Garcia too. Emily had to admit that her lovers little game was working. Turning up looking like she did, with that seductive sexy attitude, groping her like this and pushing her limit when she was on the phone, it was making her hot, making her wet.

''Honestly I'm fi-fine…''

Emily stuttered again and cleared her throat quickly as one of JJ's hands slipped under the cup of her bra to hold and squeeze her bare breast.

''Really, Penelope, you're more than welcome. I'm just glad you're okay. I know, you too. Bye.''

Emily practically threw her phone down the second that Garcia said goodbye, her thoughts now only centring around one thing. Turning around quickly she took JJ's mouth forcefully and the blonde was anticipating the move because she kissed back just as hard. A deep, wet and aggressive kiss that shot down to their very toes. Garcia had called to say thank you for the help and care, which was very sweet. She'd informed Emily that she was home and being pampered by Morgan, and just wanted to say thanks to everyone. That said and done, Emily's attention went back to JJ.

The older woman took back a little control as she forced JJ backward until she pushed her up against the wall with a soft huff. Using her body to press into her she pinned her there, their kiss never faltering. JJ smiled slightly against her mouth as they continued their furious and exploratory kiss, as if she knew exactly what Emily had planned. As if she could see exactly what her thoughts were. The blonde made no struggle to be freed from her position, seemingly fine with being wedged between the wall and Emily.

Sliding her hand down JJ's delicious body, Emily wrapped her fingers around the underside of JJ's knee and tugged, not harshly but with enough urgency and pull to lift it up. With JJ's compliance, Emily lifted JJ's leg so her foot came to rest on the old wooden chair next to them, her knee bent and open. It give her the exact access that she desired and her hand made no game of easing along that leg to dance over the material of JJ's panties, and they both groaned. JJ from the sensation that Emily's hand caused, and the brunette because she enjoyed the feel of JJ and her being so wet for her.

Emily slipped her fingers underneath JJ's underwear and didn't tease. Instead she slipped those two of her fingers right inside the heat of the blonde that made her moan into her mouth, buck against both her fingers and her body.

''God you feel good.''

The older woman whispered heatedly as their mouths finally ripped apart for them to get some much needed oxygen. One of JJ's hands tangled in her hair whilst the other gripped onto her upper arm and Emily watched in fascination at the colours stirring in cobalt eyes, the flickers of arousal and pleasure alongside them. JJ's mouth dropped open slightly and she let her head drop back a little, soft and hot murmurings coming from her throat as Emily continued to work her magic. Moving her fingers inside of her, her thumb wreaking painful pleasure on her clit. She knew how to touch her.

And then their eyes caught each other's and they fell into that connection. Their connection. Strong and deep and safe. Emily could see the whole night stretched before them. Saw the venting of steam and the fucking, the playful games and the intimate touches and words and actions. She saw the sweetness of slower moments, slower movements. She knew tonight it would hold it all. From the fast and furious to the slow and luxuriously languid.

JJ came, hard and fast and hot. In waves of searing pleasure as she exploded into the euphoria that Emily had elicited, that she had enticed her into. Those fingers dancing inside of her, right in her very core. She trusted this woman with her body, and with everything else she had to give. Right now, this was exactly what she needed. What they needed. To delve into each other like they had so many times before, to experience and feel and touch and taste.

''I love you. I love you so much.''

Emily's words sounded like an echo to JJ but she still felt the sincerity within them as Emily pressed kissed along her neck, her body still firmly pressed into hers, keeping her grounded as her mind soared. Her fingers still there inside her, still at present. They both panted against one another.

''I know.''

JJ panted softly, her head still floating from the orgasm that had literally ripped through her. She felt Emily remove her hand and as she did she blinked hard enough to force her eyes to look at the brunette. She was so very exquisite in so many ways. And as JJ began to push Emily back she smiled that her lover made no protest.

Once that she had managed to get Emily over to her bed, the blonde gave her a gentle shove so that the profiler ended up sitting on the edge. JJ leant down and kissed her hard, but after a moment she pulled back despite both of their reluctance. Instead though, the blonde smirked slightly as she reached back and unsnapped her bra. Watching Emily watch her, she eased out of it, enjoying the half gasp half groan that came out of the older woman.

''Oh my god…''

It satisfied JJ that Emily actually trembled a little as she looked at her, eyes almost falling out as she bit down on her lip.

''Trust me, you'll be saying that more than once tonight.''

XXX

The hot spray of the shower was exactly what she needed to help her come around. It danced onto her skin, kneading the muscles underneath with its powerful and hot spray, the water running down her body making her feel warm and refreshed. She had still been sluggish before she stepped in here, but once the water started to do its job the remnants of sleep began to wash away with the water.

JJ sighed, releasing the breath slowly as she ran her hands through her hair, lifting her face up into the oncoming spray for a moment. If there was one routine that JJ adhered to, it was her morning shower. No matter where they were, she didn't falter from the habit unless she had no other choice.

As she felt hands slide onto her sides slowly as to not startle her, the blonde smirked a little and leant back, coming into contact with her lover's body and enjoying the feel of skin on skin. Emily's hands wound around her, fingers splaying across her stomach as her mouth placed kisses on her shoulder. JJ had left the sleepy brunette coming around after the alarm had sounded, and had expected to walk back into the bedroom to find her still laying there, head buried under one of the pillows. Emily tended not to be the greatest morning person, unless she had certain thoughts in her mind that caused her to want to be awake. Evidently, it was one of those mornings. But that was just fine with JJ.

''Something I can do for you, Agent Prentiss?''

The blonde enquired smoothly, the seductive playfulness running through her voice as she tilted her head to give Emily the access she wanted to her neck. Her movements were still slow, every kiss and nip placed carefully, designed to arouse. It was working, because even at the simple touches JJ felt her body shuddering and responding.

''Hmm, something you can do _too _me, I think is the better way to put it.''

Emily corrected, her voice a husky low, through the still sleepy remnants and the overtaking arousal. She nipped just under the side of JJ's jaw now, before lifting a hand up to the blonde's face, making her head turn gently so that she could capture her lips. JJ willingly fell into the kiss, slow and languid, deep and wet. No rush, no urgency, but filled with every ounce of need, want and desire.

''Oh yeah? Here I was thinking you'd be spent, because of you know, all the sex last night!''

JJ teased, a soft purr in her tone as she spoke against Emily's mouth. She didn't expect the brunette to step back a little, pointing over her shoulder toward the shower cubicle door with an innocent and expectant look in her eyes.

''Oh, I can go if you're not up for it, I understand if you're tired I'll just take care of myself!''

Turning around, JJ grabbed the older woman's hand and pulled her forward, catching her motion and stopping her sudden move forward with her own body, arms wrapping around her neck as she did.

''Don't you dare woman, that's my job.''

Emily chuckled even as JJ kissed her, hands finding her sides again as they pressed together so tightly that not even the water came between them.

''You're job huh? You make it sound like you have to service me like a car.''

Emily grumbled mockingly, teasing the blonde with her mouth a little as she ducked out of kisses a couple of times before connecting their lips again. JJ shoved into her lightly, but grinned widely as she drew her head back.

''Well I'm happy to provide a good service Ma'am, you have my personal guarantee that you'll walk away smiling.''

Emily bit down on her lower lip, lifting a hand to trace JJ's face and run a finger across her lips slowly.

''Oh my, that does sound promising. What's involved in these 'services' of yours, exactly?''

JJ smiled, leaning forward to place a lingering kiss on Emily's lips, pushing her back slowly until her back came up against the cubicle wall. She let her hands smooth down Emily's shoulders, hands gliding over wet skin until she reached her hips. She pushed into her a little more, deepening the kiss and opening it up so tongues could explore and duel intently. She felt Emily's hand move to slip into her hair, making sure she stayed there for their kiss.

JJ let her hand roam south, fingernails scraping the insides of Emily's thighs teasingly, making the other woman moan into her mouth as she squirmed on the balls of her feet. Just as JJ relented and Emily's feet went flat on the floor again, the blonde let her fingers ease into her folds, stroking up the length of her until she made contact with the sensitive tangle of nerves. Emily dragged her mouth away, moaning slightly before she dragged in as much air as she could, closing her eyes briefly as she leant her head against the wall as delightful sensations filled her body as JJ continued to touch her. She felt the blonde nuzzle into her, just under her jaw line, kissing lightly as she smiled.

''There's this, for starters.''

JJ whispered, breath brushing across Emily's skin, making her mumble something incoherently, getting lost in the ministrations she was providing. JJ let her other hand slip up Emily's body, savouring the feel of tone skin until she reached her destination. Cupping one voluptuous breast and squeezing gently, Emily arched against her, offering herself freely to her. It made JJ smile, knowing she had Emily where she wanted her and also because she knew that there was no one else on earth that Emily would ever trust enough to give herself over completely to.

''Starters?''

Emily rasped, her eyes finally opening and locking straight in with sparkling blue ones.

''You sure you're prepared for what comes next, Ma'am? Because what comes next isn't so gentle. Next is where I get on my knees and taste everything there is to taste of you. Is that what you want? My mouth inside of you, tasting you?''

JJ wasn't met with a verbal response, only Emily taking her mouth again in a furious kiss, before pulling back and urging her down. There was nothing more she wanted right now, not one bit.

''Damnit!''

Then suddenly something hit her, and JJ paused, jerking her head back to look up at her, as she had been about to take her. She looked up from where she was on her knees, eyes narrowing in concern.

''Em?''

''I'm gunna fucking kill her.''

The brunette seethed, looking down at JJ with a heat that wasn't desire, but plain hate. It had been the first time that Emily had noticed it, she didn't know why, the bruise was dark enough. They had been so lost last night that perhaps it just hadn't occurred to her. But right now, given the downward view she had, Emily spotted the garish bruise that had formed with the loose pattern of a hand around JJ's upper arm.

''Excuse me?''

The brunette blinked, coming back to reality as JJ squeaked in confusion, standing up quickly and glowering at her with the force of a thousand suns.

''There is no way, no way Jennifer, that what she did is acceptable. Look at you.''

Emily continued, not being able to stop the surges of anger from running through her. God, if Delilah walked in right now she could have honestly ripped her head off. It actually hurt her inside to see JJ marked like that, it was sickening to her.

JJ looked at her arm, also realising that the bruise was there for the first time. Now that she was looking at it, her brain began to register the ache that throbbed there. In the bathroom it hadn't seemed that Delilah had held her that hard, even though it had hurt at the time. JJ hadn't thought it would be enough to make such a noticeable mark.

''Look, just relax, okay…''

''_Relax_? You want me to fucking relax when she did that? Are you out of your mind? Just tell her about us and leave her, right now.''

''I can't just make it happen like that, Emily!''

JJ yelled back angrily, flailing a hand in the air as she still glowered Emily's way, one of her best withering glares that everyone feared so much. Delilah had been out of line but it didn't mean that she could just stop everything in its tracks; nothing would be solved by the click of her fingers.

''Why? I told you I loved you last night, do you not remember that?''

The brunette pointed out, now a little offended that JJ was resisting this. Hadn't she proven herself already? It wasn't just some flippant thing to say, not from her. It had taken a lot to say it to JJ, and she had hoped that it would make things better, make them easier, not worse.

''Yeah I do. But what does it change right now, Emily? What're you willing to become? What're you willing to offer? You have to be patient with me; I can't do this at your demand. I refuse to. This is my life, it's my decision, stop trying to push me.''

JJ continued, now borderline hysterical. Emily frowned, gulping slightly as she pushed off the wall, the little game they were just playing almost completely forgotten. JJ was pissed, greatly so. She didn't exactly understand why, but she knew for sure she wasn't about to get laid now.

''Whoa, JJ just calm down. You're blowing this out of proportion. I'm not trying to push you, okay? I learnt my lesson about that already. I just…I _hate _seeing what she does to you.''

The profiler tried to explain, gritting her teeth as her eyes once again drifted toward the bruise. Evidently, she hadn't proved herself, and JJ could tell that she had a lot of ground to cover when it came to her readiness to be in a relationship.

''I know, and I appreciate that. But please, let me deal with this. I need you to know what you want, because we can't move forward until you do. Whatever I do about Delilah is separate from that. So why don't you just think about that for a while?''

With that, JJ turned and walked out of the shower. Evidently, playtime was over and the reality of their lives clawed its way back in. Emily knew that JJ was right, simply telling the blonde that she loved her didn't do anything to chance their circumstances. JJ had to deal with Delilah in whatever way she saw fit, personally Emily hoped that would come in the form of kicking her ass out the door, but she supposed she'd have to wait and find out.

As she did, she needed to sit herself down and work out her priorities. It was time to come face to face with all those fears, insecurities and commitment phobias.

XXX

''Wow! Interesting! _Coffee_?

Flopping down the case file that she had been working on, JJ stood up, not bothering to wait for Reid's answer. In fact, she couldn't get away fast enough. Her need for coffee was screaming at her, and her brain begged her not to sit and listen to some inane waffle about Pinocchio, even though it was possibly her own fault for bringing it up.

It had been two long weeks since she had left Emily standing alone in her shower. They had talked a little, but mainly they had left each other alone to their thinking. It was only two nights ago when they had broken their physical silence toward one another, unable to stop themselves. It was amazing how hard the craving for someone could hit you when it wasn't being repeatedly satisfied.

That day, JJ had told Delilah in no uncertain terms that she could never, ever, touch her or treat her like she did in the bathroom of the hospital that day. The only reason the blonde thought she hadn't ended it completely, was because Delilah had been a wreck by the time she went home. The Detective had begged her not to leave her, she had apologised over and over again, promising that she'd never step near to that line again. It had been a little sad to watch, actually, and something in JJ had given way. It was that old feeling again, the one that told her that she owed Delilah something. Though it was weakening, it caused her to give in. What she had done though, was tell Delilah to go back to Baltimore and wait until she was ready to see her.

They had talked on the phone, JJ had used the space and time to keep thinking, and eventually she had begun to write her thoughts down. Just some things, it had ended up being like a list. If she could write it maybe it would be more objective.

Emily loved her, she'd said so. But yet again, she had told her in the height of sex. It was a euphoric buzz akin to getting stoned; JJ wanted something more than that. Until Emily was ready though, there wasn't much she could do but figure out her own feelings.

''Coffee?''

The blonde asked gently, not so much seeing but sensing the subject of her thoughts hovering behind her. Emily leant against the airplane wall, hands shoved into her pockets. She looked perplexed at how JJ had known she was there, but then it didn't really matter.

''Please.''

The profiler watched studiously as the younger woman went about making her a cup of coffee. She watched the glint of her hair, the way her movement was so fluidic, the pace of her breathing. Emily just liked to watch her. She thought about the conversation that she had just had with Rossi, and she couldn't help but think of JJ.

''I do get it.''

The brunette said softly, keeping her voice low so no one else would hear them. Rossi had moved off to talk to Reid, so there was no one around to directly overhear them.

''You do?''

JJ wondered, letting Emily know that she had heard the conversation. She turned, lifting her own mug to her lips as she passed Emily hers.

''It's what I'd do, if somebody hurt you like that.''

The brunette declared honestly. Yes, Johnny was a broken guy, but it was such a devastating loss that made him like that. He had loved someone so much, so deeply, that it had broken him inside to have her taken away. In that situation, those who truly loved someone could react the same way. Emily knew that if anyone hurt JJ in such a way, she'd snap too.

''I love you, Jennifer. And I get why you haven't believed me, it's because I've said it either when you were supposed to be asleep, or in the midst of sex. You don't know if I really mean it. Well I do. I swear to you, I'm trying to be the woman you need me to be, and I'm not going to stop telling you that I love you until you know it, until you feel it.''

Emily hadn't exactly planned on making that little speech, but all of a sudden it all made sense. JJ's hesitation was understandable, and she wanted JJ to know that she was becoming who she needed her to be. There was no one else in the world that she would do it for; there was no one else in the world that she would think of killing for. JJ was her life and soul now, and Emily felt like she was coming up from the depths of the waters that she felt like she had been in all her life.

It was hard, when you hadn't been taught how to love properly. It felt good that JJ understood that, she hadn't exactly had the most perfect experiences either. But for her, childhood had been excruciating, and ever since, she had run so far and so much from these things that she could honestly have made it around the world a couple of times over.

It wasn't easy to let go of the things you had been holding onto for so long. And it wasn't easy to run into something new, no matter how much love there was.

''You um...you're coming tonight, right?''

JJ asked softly, the light in her eyes brightening them to a sky blue as the soft smile twitched across her lips. She didn't know exactly how to respond to what Emily said, but she liked hearing it. Yet again the brunette had bowled her over with her astute observations and understanding, and yet again she had done something about them. It felt good to have that much attention paid to you, and even better to have someone fighting for you.

''Yeah, I'll definitely be there.''

''I'll see you there. Don't be late.''

Emily smirked lightly as JJ wondered off down the isle, the teasing in the blonde's voice echoing in her ears. JJ was talking about Garcia's night out that she had organised. It was the first time since her shooting, and she'd only be sitting and talking with soft drinks, but the technical analyst had insisted that they hit their beloved bar. She was itching to get going again, and now that she was back at work there was absolutely no stopping her. They all tried to tell her to take it easy, but secretly, they were all thrilled that she was back to her bouncy, formidable self again.

Tonight would be fun.

XXX

It wasn't your most typical song to be blasted out across a moderately crowded bar, to cast its enticing beats and rhythms across the air to entangle with your desires. It did the job, however. Couple's took to the dance floor, taking the opportunity to spend precious moments with their lovers. It was a song of guilty pleasures, and to forget the world and get lost within it was something not to be passed up.

Not an inch of air between their bodies could be spoken of as they swayed to the music in the middle of the floor, wrapped up in one another. So wrapped up that they didn't pay attention to their movements, to how intimate they were, to the fact that their team members were here too. If they saw, they saw, right now these two women didn't care. They were running high from the connection their bodies and their eyes kept right now. Everything else had faded away.

And in Emily's arms nothing was too complicated anymore. JJ was just in her lovers' arms, content and awed and something so deep that she couldn't put her finger on it. She had never been touched or looked at or revered quite like this. It also made her feel safe that everything she had to handle, all that weight Emily had pointed out, it was understood. It meant she didn't have to deal with it alone like she had done for all these long years.

Emily's feelings were so similar. Right now everything was perfect. JJ was perfect. And all those fears and insecurities began to give way. All that pain she had carried over, it felt better when JJ touched her. Looking at her right now, her breath was stolen, and she couldn't conjure up one significant reason not to fight for this woman. Not to stand up and be counted, to tell her that she loved her and she could prove it. Emily couldn't think of anything to stop her, and she didn't want anything to stop her. It wouldn't be easy to set aside every fear she had but she'd do it for JJ. She'd do anything for JJ.

The spell they were under right now wasn't broken by words, however. Instead Emily smiled lightly, raising a hand to stroke a silky strand out of JJ's face before she leant forward and kissed her.

Spencer Reid lifted his gaze toward the sound of his bickering friends as they approached the booth that he had been left there to defend. There were empty glasses and bottles pushed to one side of the table, leaving part of it empty for the newly incoming drinks that both Morgan and Garcia were carrying as they flirted outrageously through their teasing insults and threats. Garcia had been sat most of the night, but had insisted on accompanying them to the bar every so often.

''Here you go kid.''

Morgan pushed a beer across the table until it stood in front of his friend after he put the three he had been carrying down. Garcia had done the same, and began to spread them out according to where everyone would be seated. Now Rossi and Hotch had left, it left more room for the five of them in the booth.

''Thanks.''

Looking up, Garcia raised an eyebrow toward Reid.

''What's wrong Dr Gorgeous?''

She enquired sweetly as she studied the confused look across Reid's face. He didn't often tend to look puzzled, unless it was some geeky riddle he had to work out or it came to understand the social aspect of life.

''I'm not sure if…why is…should JJ and Emily be…you know, making out right now?''

The younger man stuttered through how he should ask, truly puzzled and surprised by what he had witnessed as he had been sat here. Now he was no relationship expert, but kissing another woman besides the one you were in a relationship was a no no, right? It didn't make any sense, particularly given that it was Emily that JJ was kissing right now.

''What?''

Garcia half squeaked and half seethed as her head whirled around to face the dance floor.

''_What_?''

Morgan echoed with a full on squeak, almost sustaining whiplash with the speed his head snapped around to look. He stared in complete shock, mouth open and eyes wide at the scene before him. Suddenly something dropped in his head, he knew something had been going on. The questions began to fall though, about how long this had been happening and just what _this _was.

''Oh for the love of god…''

Garcia growled through gritted teeth, spotting at least three Agents' in the bar that could do a lot of damage if they were actually paying attention to the scene in the middle of the floor. Honestly, she felt like banging their heads together and sending them for a time out for being so reckless.

''What the…why are they…what the hell is going on Penelope?''

Morgan demanded, stuttering the same way Reid had. Garcia cringed, feeling a boatload of damage control coming on, but upon turning around she saw something worse than that.

''Oh good lord, why?''

The technical analyst swallowed hard, her eyes clamped on something behind Morgan and across the bar. The something that was the complicated aspect in this whole scenario. Seeing Delilah Forrester walk into this bar right at this very moment, was just seriously not on her to do list. Why was this happening? Oh now she remembered, because Emily and JJ couldn't keep their damn hands to themselves and now she was going to have to obstruct the course of justice. She felt for Delilah, she really did, and she had sworn to herself that she wouldn't stop anything like this from happening. She promised herself she wouldn't betray Delilah because she loved her, but when it came to the crunch, Garcia couldn't betray JJ because she loved her more. And god help her she loved Emily too much too.

''Angelfish, I know you're in seven shades of 'oh my god' right now, but you _have _to go over there and get Emily _away _from JJ. Right now Morgan.''

Garcia ordered firmly, her eyes still firmly planted on Delilah's movements and she slowly edged her way into the bar, eyes scanning for her girlfriend. Morgan starred back at her blankly, his face still covered in shock.

''Right now Derek! Get Emily out of here.''

This time the little blonde gestured behind her, and Morgan turned around to see what she meant. Upon seeing Delilah, he began to move. He didn't know what was going on but he understood the level of disaster it would be if the Baltimore cop spotted her girlfriend with Emily right now, so he sprang into action. As he left he heard Garcia telling Reid to put his 'game face' on and help her stall Delilah until their little bait and switch had worked.

Pushing his way through the throng, Morgan strode up to the women he worked side by side with everyday. They were still lost in making out, didn't even notice he was there…not until he clamped a hand on Emily's shoulder and pulled her back lightly but firmly. With the interruption, Emily looked up at him with a death glare that actually frightened him.

''What the hell Morgan?''

The brunette demanded angrily. Everything had been perfect right up until he had interrupted them.

''You have to leave, now.''

He urged quickly, not hiding his shock as he looked between them. JJ frowned slightly, looking at him and knowing there was something wrong.

''What? Why? What's happening?''

She asked wearily, reluctant to let go of Emily unless absolutely necessary.

''Delilah's here, Garcia and Reid are stalling her. Let's go Prentiss, right now.''

Both blonde and brunette immediately looked further up the bar, seeing their two friends gesturing and chattering away at Delilah, who they had managed to get to turn sideways to the dance floor. From the view they had, it seemed that she thought they were acting strangely, given her look of utter bewilderment. They wouldn't be able to keep here there for long without a good reason.

''Oh my god. She isn't supposed to be here, we're still on a time out.''

JJ grimaced, feeling a little sick at the sudden intrusion of her girlfriend. Then it occurred to her how wrong it was to feel sick and consider her girlfriend the intruder. She didn't know it yet, but right at this second was the moment her clarification, that her epiphany began.

The blonde felt Emily slip out of her grasp, watching almost helplessly as the stalled brunette let herself be lead away by Morgan. They moved quickly toward a back door, hovering in the safety of its small hallway as Delilah made her way over.

''Prentiss…''

''Don't. Please, just don't. It's not just an affair Morgan…I…I love her.''

Emily didn't look away from the woman she had just been dragged away from. It should have been her that JJ was hugging right now; it should have been her that she kissed. She couldn't do this anymore; she could pretend or fight the fight.

''Just get me out of here.''

XXX

''How did this all start, Emily?''

Morgan asked quietly. He had been the dutiful friend and remained silent for as long as possible. For the time it took to find another bar, out of the way and quiet. The mood of it seemed to suit theirs, Emily's in particular. The jukebox playing soulful country rock songs about ruined love and yearning. The people here seemed to be hiding, almost, sinking their feelings into the drinks they were consuming. They weren't any different, they had sat at the bar and already two whiskeys had been poured and drank. Now, Morgan watched Emily turn her beer glass around in circles, dark eyes focusing on the froth and amber patterns.

''Truthfully?''

She responded quietly, the level of her voice showing her emotion. She glanced up at him briefly, eyebrow rose in question. He nodded once, frowning in concern. He had never seen Emily Prentiss quite like this. He worked alongside her a lot, they'd had many deep conversations involving everything from love and death, to the monsters they caught and the monsters they could become. He had seen her heart ripped out by a case, and he had seen her question humanity. All of that was nothing compared to the impact tonight had had on her, it was as though the world had come crashing down on her, he could see it in her eyes. He could see that something had changed.

''I don't know. How does anything start? You…you see a person and you think everybody sees them too…but I realised that no one did but me. I just saw her, Derek, she's…she blew me away. I fell in and I can't get out.''

Emily spoke with such a wave of feeling, the crack rising and falling through her voice, her eyes tearing up as she talked, her speech falling into an emotional whisper. The way she talked about JJ made it feel like she was talking about some mystical, ethereal and godly being. As though JJ was the answer to life itself. It made every judgement that Morgan had ready die on his tongue, because already he had gotten the depth of Emily's feelings. He believed her, he saw it, he could even feel it.

''Maybe you're not supposed to get out. Maybe that's exactly where you're supposed to be.''

Emily looked back at him quickly, almost disturbed that she wasn't getting a lecture from him. All she saw across his face was support and kindness, and she didn't know quite what to make of it. Morgan had always been around to talk to; she had talked to him about a lot of things because what they saw, they usually saw together. They were partnered together a lot, and she trusted him out in the field. She'd go so far as to say that he was one of her closest friends. But still, she had expected some kind of reprimand because Morgan was a straight shooter. Plus, he was also friends with Delilah.

''What're you saying?''

Morgan stalled for a moment as she shrugged slowly, trying to translate the rapid information of events that he had had to deal with tonight.

''I'm saying that I may have just found out about this a second ago, but from what I saw? Emily there's something there, you guys are tight and I thought that was friendship but seeing you together tonight…I dunno, I guess it made sense.''

He responded honestly, quickly analysing through everything. Ever since the night at the karaoke bar, Morgan had begun to look at JJ differently. He had been guilty of painting her with the same brush too, after all, so after JJ had proved everyone wrong, he had taken the hint. Emily had known something all of them didn't, after the shortest amount of time she had found something wonderful in JJ that they had all not just overlooked, but also mocked. He had felt like a sucky friend that night, and had made him realise that there was so much that he didn't know. It had happened after that too, in small ways, and he had seen things between his two friends that he had just taken as friendship. Thinking about it now, the looks, the touches and the closeness, it just fit.

''It makes sense? You think JJ and I make sense?''

Emily repeated, understandably taken back and weary. She was waiting for the other shoe to drop, no one, not even herself or JJ, had taken it this well and immediately responded with 'it makes sense'.

''Perfect sense. I can't believe I missed it. It just…it works.''

''What about Delilah?''

''I've never seen JJ look at Delilah the way she looked at you tonight. Never. I've also never seen her so crushed when she realised she had to let you go. I like the girl, but I like you better. Whatever you've gotta do, I'm your wing man Prentiss.''

Emily blinked at her friend. She actually didn't know quite what to say to that. She looked at the sparkle in his eyes, and the soft grin on his face and could tell that he really was backing her up. It seemed a foreign experience given Garcia's reaction. Though she did understand that one, Garcia loved JJ so much that she thought the pain she was going through was because of the affair, but it wasn't.

''I…I don't know what to say. Thank you.''

The brunette strangled out, a little choked up by Morgan's allegiance.

''I just want to see you both happy, and I don't think I've seen either of you as happy as you were with each other tonight. That says it all. So, let's work on a plan to get you the girl!''

XXX

Apparently Morgan's plan was simple. He instructed Emily that she had to get JJ alone in an intimate setting, tell her she loved her, and tell her that she wanted something real with her. Oh how simple his idea seemed, if only it had been that simple for the last few months. Emily almost smacked him upside the head. Still, he had a point, now that she was definitely ready; she needed to let JJ know that.

It was something that Emily knew she needed the right time for. Because right now, hidden away in JJ's secret closet, feeling the blonde's breath on her neck, all unsteady and broken after climax, didn't seem the time. It was literally the butt crack of dawn, and JJ had been a mess of guilt and sorrow as she apologised over and over again. Two days had sailed by since the bar, and they hadn't set eyes on one another once. JJ had been held hostage in her relationship, and other than a quick text here and there, they hadn't spoken either. Until this morning when they had agreed to turn into work early and have coffee.

The coffee was still on JJ's desk, hardly touched, probably all but cold now.

''Can…can you get away tonight?''

Emily asked breathlessly, not daring to move a muscle. It felt too good to be this close to JJ, to be touching her, breathing her in, sharing her heat.

''Yeah, I think so. Why?''

Emily pulled her head back just enough to look at the woman she loved. And when she did her heart felt like bursting. Now she had accepted the obvious, it seemed like utter madness that she had ever put off doing what she was planning on doing tonight.

''I'd like to talk to you, and I don't want it to be here.''

JJ watched Emily's eyes carefully, a buzz entering her stomach that had nothing to do with the orgasm she'd just had. There was something in Emily's eyes that excited her, that maybe she understood somewhere deep inside, but couldn't acknowledge before it happened. In the euphoria of sex it was easy to believe anything, but outside of it, she still didn't know where anything lied.

''Okay. Tonight, after drinks?''

The blonde agreed, thinking that it would be the perfect time to talk. The team were meeting for drinks again after work despite the fact they'd only been out a couple of nights ago. JJ couldn't remember what the excuse was but remembered it was flimsy to say the least. The truth was that they didn't always get such opportunities to enjoy life and let off steam. They took it where they could.

The other night had been a nightmare for her. The illusion that she and Emily had been living under had been completely shattered, and it was only through the action of her best friend that no further damage was done. Garcia had saved their necks, and had controlled the situation, and had controlled the boys. She couldn't have been more grateful. Whatever happened, JJ at least knew that Delilah didn't deserve to find out like that. Not by seeing her with Emily like that, she had been betrayed enough, she didn't need the actual visual.

The creeping thoughts had been adding onto each other for the two days. As she had been with Delilah at home, JJ had observed her a lot. There were so many good qualities to the younger woman. She really was beautiful, and she really was smart. She had a distinct humour and she liked to make the people around her laugh. Delilah cared about people, despite the slightly gruff and prickly exterior she could present. JJ also knew that Delilah wasn't as cynical as she made out. All she wanted to do was live her life and be happy. She wanted the kids and the chaos that came with being part of a family.

JJ knew that one-day, Delilah would make a good Mother. She tended to idealise those she loved, and it would be no exception for her children. She would strive to keep them safe, to give them love, to do right by them even if it meant she sacrificed or suffered. JJ knew that because of the way Delilah was with kids, and all the conversations they'd had in the past, and the way she had willingly sacrificed for her too. The blonde also knew because of the way the officer reacted when she had told her she didn't want kids, which had been just over a month ago, and it was still sore.

The problem was, JJ did want kids. She had always wanted kids and once upon a time, she had wanted them with Delilah. She had once upon a time wanted a lot with Delilah…now? Now not so much.

Something had happened to her the day that her sister had taken her own life, and it was that something that had thread its way through the most basic of her behaviours. It was that something that made her willingly sign her life over to Delilah the night that she had taken a knife for her. It had triggered the same emotions, even though JJ hadn't been aware of it at the time. Now five years later, she couldn't think of a single reason that they were still together other than that Delilah had saved her life, and JJ felt the pull of obligation to give her anything and everything she wanted.

Emily was right; she had changed to fit the moulds of expectation. She had changed to fit Delilah's moulds, without ever being asked to. It wasn't the brunette's fault, she had never asked her to change, but part of JJ did feel as though Delilah could have looked harder at what she had been doing to herself all this time. Like Emily had.

''Perfect.''

Emily broke through JJ's thoughts, making her blink and bring her back into focus. She only dare hope of what Emily wanted to talk about, but after so much uncertainty, after so much complication and avoidance of anything real, she refused to let her get her hopes up. What she knew she had to do now, was exactly what Emily had said that day on the hillside. She needed to, for once, look at things for herself. She had to examine what she wanted and trust her feelings. Whatever happened or didn't happen with Emily, JJ knew she had to start her examination at ground zero, which currently was Delilah.

XXX

_When Emily Prentiss steps into the bar, she is all that Jennifer Jareau can see. Like her senses are fine tuned to alert her when she is near, and as soon as that happens all her facilities are overtaken by the dark beauty that has dangerously taken over her._

''_Baby, are you okay?''_

_There was one specific problem with falling for Emily Prentiss. And that was Delilah Forrester._

_Spluttering on her beer, JJ patted her chest and nodded, wafting her hand in the air in indication to her girlfriend that she wasn't about to choke and die. Although, when she was in Emily's presence, especially outside of work, she did feel like dying. _

_JJ considered herself a good person. She had worked hard. She was a good daughter to her parents. She kept out of trouble reasonably and she helped people. And she had been a damn good girlfriend until Emily had appeared in her life. Emily who was possibly the most divine woman she had ever set her eyes on. JJ wanted her. And not just physically, this was more than just sexual attraction. She didn't want to fuck Emily; she wanted to be a part of her. She wanted to be there, under her skin and in every thought. And that was bad. Very, very bad._

''_Yeah, sorry…I'm fine.''_

_No she wasn't fine. JJ was caught in that impossible position. She loved Delilah, she really did. But she wasn't in love with her. She thought she had been, but that feeling was nothing compared to the one Emily evoked. This feeling was all consuming and made her feel like her blood was on fire. She seriously wasn't fine._

_And when the night was over, when JJ had lied yet again, she sighed as the dark of the sky began to lighten. Delilah thought she was at work, like she had told her. Like she had told her many times before. She wasn't at work; she was in Emily Prentiss' bed._

_This wasn't supposed to be the way good girls acted._

''_Leave her.''_

_JJ blinked, hearing Emily's words pierce the silence. Their bodies were wrapped around each other, and it was so painfully right. Everything was always so right, from the first word, to the first spark of friendship. To the first touch, the first hug, the first kiss and the first time they had had sex. But it wasn't so right. JJ had never cheated. Never thought she could, never thought she would. But Emily Prentiss was Emily Prentiss._

''_Leave Delilah for me. I want you too, I'm ready.''_

''I…you…what?''

Propping herself up on her elbow, JJ looked down at Emily, carefully studying her face. She was looking for something, anything, to tell her that the brunette was being honest. She was looking for proof that this wasn't just some after sex haze, because it was always so perfect in these moments. She was looking for signs that Emily did want her, and not just to win over Delilah.

''I'm ready, JJ. I don't know how I fought it for so long. I'm in love with you, and I want us to be together. I want a relationship.''

Emily detailed slowly, clearly, and with as much truth and emotion as she could muster. She knew what JJ was searching for too, and she might have come here tonight with hopes, but hearing those come to life was still jarring. Jennifer Jareau was still caught in the middle, still stuck in the worst place, still bound by obligation, and still scared that she was just a toy. Still wondering if Emily just wanted to prove to Delilah that she could take away her girl.

''You…you want a relationship? With me? You and me, together?''

Emily smirked at the way JJ was reacting, it was beyond cute. The blonde was still hazy from sex, still trying to figure all of this out, and sweetly surprised by Emily's declaration. Emily sat up slightly, lifting her head to meet JJ's so she could place the softest of kisses on her lips. JJ didn't object, but was still too shocked to really kiss back.

''You and me together.''

The profiler whispered in confirmation. She leant forward to kiss JJ again, but the blonde pulled back, pinning her with a look that couldn't be quite described. It was with that look that Emily began to get worried. That she knew this wasn't going to be a smooth transition. JJ had a lot to think about already and she had just complicated things, not simplified them. With the confirmation that she did love her, that she did want a relationship, to JJ it know meant that she definitely had to make a choice, and it had to be soon.

''Why now, Emily?''

''I can't fight it any longer, I just can't. You're so amazing and I love you so much. The thought of having something real with you, it scared me before, because I've never been able to give anyone everything. I want to do that with you, because you're…you've become my heart. I was scared that if I let myself admit it, that I would fail you, or hurt you, that I couldn't give you anything. But I was wrong, I can give you everything. You may not want everything, but I'm offering it all!''

Emily took JJ's hand, focusing on it for a moment as she was speaking to watch their fingers entwine, before squeezing gently and bringing them closer to settle above her heart. She really had never been any good at this. There had been lots of women, and some she had tried so hard with. Some she had managed to fool herself that it could happen, but at some point, everything had always fallen apart. They had said she was too guarded, too wounded, and too driven. They had said a lot of things. Things that had scared her, things that had made her doubt herself.

No more, because JJ was more than just some girl. She was everything, and Emily wasn't about to go down without a fight. She would do whatever it took to prove it, and she would carry on proving herself for the rest of her life by being the kind of lover that JJ deserved.

''Emily…god. I don't even know what to say right now.''

JJ pulled her hand back softly, moving off the bed to stand on the floor. She stared at the brunette for a moment, out of breath, her heart pounding against her chest.

''Say you love me.''

Emily whispered, so low JJ almost didn't hear her. The blonde held onto her breath for a moment, before letting it out slowly. She couldn't think, everything was screaming at her all at once and it was starting to hurt her head. She wanted to hide in Emily so badly, she wanted things to be easy and simple and she wanted everything to be like that right now.

''Can I think about this? Please?''

Emily simply nodded, looking down at her hands. JJ's heart sank, because she knew how much it had taken for the other woman to confess how she felt like that. To offer something she had never offered anyone. But she had to think, this was too important to just rush into.

So JJ picked up her clothes, and she dressed, and she kissed Emily on the head before she moved to leave, leaving Emily alone to her thoughts.

XXX

It was a faint buzz that caught Delilah's attention. Lifting her eyes up from the newspaper, the Detective quickly scanned the immediate vicinity around her. Spotting JJ's blackberry on the coffee table, temptation got the better of her, and she reached forward to pick it up.

It was Sunday morning, and JJ was in the shower. Her blonde girlfriend had been for a run, and was showering to get ready to go over to Garcia's for some lunch. Delilah hadn't known whether she would be working or not, so she had been unbothered that JJ had made plans. They could do something after; it didn't much matter to her what it was.

Glancing at the phone, the Baltimore cop scowled as she saw the information on the screen. 'Text – Emily' was too hard to pass up looking. Pressing the button to read the message, Delilah glanced toward the hallway arch, but she could still hear the shower. She was free to snoop. She knew what JJ had told her, but she couldn't help herself. Ever since Emily had appeared JJ had been getting weirder and weirder, becoming more and more distant. Delilah was convinced that Emily had something to do with it, and she had to put a stop to that.

Gritting her teeth as she read, Delilah could stop her anger from swelling. Nor could she stop herself from reading it over and over again.

_I'll be fencing for the next hour and a half; if you're free we could get together after. Thinking about you, as always, I love you – Em x_

That was it; there was no way she could leave that. Who the hell did Emily think she was? JJ wasn't a free woman, she was in a relationship. So it may not have been the best one lately, but it was still theirs and Delilah was going to damn well remind that bitch to watch her step and respect her boundaries.

Shoving the paper aside, Delilah deleted the text message before replacing it onto the coffee table. Getting up, she grabbed her sneakers and pulled them on before she grabbed her leather jacket which had her keys in the pocket.

''Jenny?''

She called, moving through down the hallway and into the bedroom. The shower had turned off now and she found JJ already getting dressed.

''Hey, I'm just gunna head to the gym for a while, okay?''

JJ nodded easily.

''Yeah, sure.''

''Say hi to Penelope for me, and have a good time. See you soon.''

Delilah smiled as she leant in to give JJ a gentle kiss. Waving a little, she turned to head out of the apartment. After her girlfriend had left, JJ sighed lightly. She hated this. It shouldn't be this hard. She had to make a decision today, that's why she was going to Garcia's. She would make a decision today, and then she would act on it. She just needed her friend to give her the approval that she needed to give herself.

Looking around the room, JJ scanned for her phone. Emily had taken to texting her numerous times throughout the day to remind her of how she felt. They made her smile, it was very sweet. Realising that she had left her phone in the living room, JJ walked through her apartment as she towel dried her hair. She stopped to pick up her beloved phone, but sighed as she saw that she hadn't received another yet.

Deflated, she headed back to her bedroom to finish getting ready. She'd be out the door and over to her friends in no time.

XXX

''You fucking bitch!''

Emily hadn't seen it coming. Before she could even register what was going on, she had been shoved to the floor. One second she had been talking to her sparring partner, the next, her ass had landed on the matt they were stood on.

''What the hell? Emily, do you want me to call security?''

The man asked, taking off his duelling mask. Emily looked up at Delilah, not having moved from the position she had landed in, but letting a dangerous look cross her eyes. She knew exactly why the younger woman was here.

''No, it's fine. Just, let me have the room?''

The man seemed weary of leaving, but he respected Emily's wishes. With a sigh, he moved to grab his gear and then walked out of the room, letting the door close behind him. Leaving the two women staring one another down, the silence between them more than deafening.

''You know, it's rude to go through other people's texts.''

Emily provoked, pulling herself up off of the floor. She had taken her mask off as she had been talking with her partner, making it easy for Delilah to spot which one was her. Of course, she had her fencing whites on, and after she stood up she bent down again to pick up her sabre. There was only one way that Delilah would have known she was here, and only one way that she'd be here alone like she was.

The infuriated cop marched away, grabbing one of the Épée from Emily's kit. Immediately, she whirled around, launching an aggressive attack with the blade. The metal smashed together as Emily blocked it, the loud clanging echoing through the room.

''Don't you talk to me about etiquette when you're trying to get into my girlfriend's pants. You stay away from her.''

Delilah threatened in a rush, not stopping her assault on the Agent in front of her. Emily kept up with her though, defending herself with blocking moves and pushing her blade back. They swung at each other with a hatred that was so evident, the blades crashing together as they tried to get the upper hand on one another. There was simply no restraint, especially from Delilah. Emily was still trying to cling onto the awareness that the cop wasn't suited up, and if she struck her she could seriously hurt her. That concern was thin and fading.

''No, and you can't make me.''

Emily refused and taunted, shoving the younger woman back enough to create a space between them. For a moment they just stood there, panting, staring one another.

''She's mine. Do you get that? She _belongs_ to me.''

''_She belongs to no one_! Don't you get that? You are so out of your depth with her, all you do is trap her. You don't see who she really is, you don't understand her, you try and control her. Well you can't! She's so much more and you know it. You can't keep JJ in a box, Delilah. That's all you offer her, and I'll fight you every step of the way. I'll fight for her.''

Emily yelled, finally being able to let loose. She had respected JJ's wishes before, but now Delilah was attacking her the door had been opened and she was going to walk through it. She defended herself once more as the irate cop swung at her again, and then it became almost an effortless series of parries and blocks. She was better, and Delilah knew it.

''You can't have her!''

''It's her decision. I'm in love with her; I'd never hurt her. I want her to be free. Can you say the same?''

Emily challenged, waiting for the next strike to come. They circled slowly, and she let Delilah know through her eyes what she was talking about.

''You don't think I'm in love with her?''

''I think anyone that treats her like you has a warped idea of love. I think if you love her like you say you do, you wouldn't hold this obligation you think she has over her head. And never, ever would I lay a hand on her. I saw what you did.''

''That was a mistake.''

''Oh come on, you were trying to scare her into submission. And that, Delilah...''

Emily moved to strike, forcing the Detective backward slightly as she stepped near enough to shove her down. Emily stood over her, pinning her to the floor by placing the end of her blade just over the brunette's chest. Delilah was seething and panting, but didn't dare move.

''That is exactly why I'm not going to stop. Even if she didn't want me, I'd sure as hell make sure that she left you, because you're beneath her.''

''Like you deserve her any more than I do.''

''Maybe not, but if I had the chance, I'd spend every single day proving to her that I worship her.''

Emily straightened up, taking the Épée away from the downed cop. She had made her point well enough; Delilah was down, there was really no point in letting this go on any longer. It was over. Emily wasn't going to stop proving her love for JJ, and part of that was to remain silent about the affair. JJ had to do that on her own terms; she'd never forgive her if she blurted it out to Delilah for her own sport.

Besides, she already had the upper hand. Grabbing her mask and the blade Delilah had used, Emily put them in her kit bag, shouldered it, and walked away.

''I love her!''

Delilah yelled after her from her position on the floor. Emily didn't turn, she didn't even stop walking. She was done. As far as she was concerned, Delilah was done.

''Love is just a bloodsport, Delilah.''


	15. Chapter 15

**Title**: Bloodsport  
**Author**: darkbardzero  
**Fandom**: Criminal Minds  
**Pairings**: Jennifer Jareau/Emily Prentiss  
**Ratings**: 18  
**Summary**: ''Love is just a Bloodsport.''  
**Disclaimers**: All things Criminal Minds belong to people other than me. I just write stuff.  
**Author's Notes**: Well, this is something that was originally part of a drabble I wrote in the CM music challenge. Back then, I was nudged and encouraged by**Steppenwolf_20 **to write it full length. So here it is! It's been in the works for quite a while due to various reasons, but it's on the tracks now.  
**Thank You**: To **Steppenwolf_20** for suggesting it, **Sofia_Lindsay **for not letting me give up on it early on, and **Heidimaggs22** for supporting me, batting ideas around, putting up with rants and waffles and for being my rock! Ta to **Heidimaggs22**and**Sofia_Lindsay** for beta'ing.  
**A/N** - This hasn't been beta'd, the lovely **Heidimaggs22** has been super super super busy :) You'll be glad to know that I'm actually finishing the story now, so there should be a steady stream of updates until completion! And if I haven't had time to get back to you personally for your lovely feedback, I do sincerely apologise.

XXX

JJ savoured the smell of fresh coffee that drifted to her senses, the steam from her cup wafted into the air freely, making leisurely patterns in the air before vanishing. It smelt so pure and strong, probably because she had been the one to make it. If the coffee pot wasn't ready when she turned into work, JJ's first task was to get it ready. Coffee was an absolute must, and if it took her making it to have it, then so be it. It just meant that everyone else in the BAU had to have it the way she liked it. And it had been said that her coffee could fuel rockets.

Of course, it hadn't been a case this morning that she had been the first BAU member to arrive for work. She only wished it had been. Yesterday the plan had been to go over to Garcia's, make some kind of plan, some kind of decision, on her personal life. An overhaul was long over due, but as usual, she'd had to push her life down the schedule. JJ had never made it to Penelope's apartment; instead she had been summoned into work.

It had started as a problem for another unit that they needed her desperate help on, so she had done her duty and consulted. Then her own office had needed her, and then came the bombshell of the case that had rolled in late that night, just as she thought it would be safe for her to leave and go home to get some sleep.

Sleep had been pushed down the schedule too, and instead of spending the night at home, she'd spent it in her office. The coffee pot hadn't caught a break last night.

Taking hold of the mug, JJ wrapped her hands around it, sitting back into her desk chair as she let out a slow and silent breath. She was tired. So very far beyond tired that it was actually a joke. The only thing that had kept her company during the still of the night were the faces of the dead. The stacked up case files were like walls for her, all begging for her attention. It was her job to sift through them, and it was one of the jobs she hated most of all. Looking into dead eyes, seeing the blood, seeing the person they had been before. It could make her feel helpless, and that was a feeling she didn't deal at all well with.

There weren't only walls of cases sprawled across her desk, her entire office, but also the research that she had done last night as she had kept in contact with Sheriff Valentine from Virginia throughout much of the night. Come daybreak, JJ was familiar with every face of this case. Come daybreak, she had her usual flurry of activity to deal with. The calls, the emails, the questions from the media who demanded statements and details and on the record titbits. Sometimes she thought they did this for sport, but they were doing their job too, she just wasn't in the mood for them this morning.

As she lifted the mug to her lips, JJ closed her eyes as she sipped the gloriously strong and hot liquid. Seriously, coffee had always been her downfall. She often wondered what she would do without it, but the thought usually made her shudder in disgust and disregard that thought quickly.

Opening her eyes again, JJ found that her eyes had caught upon an old picture of Tarrin. The blonde reached out, taking the photo frame into her hand to look at it closer. Tarrin had always been so photogenic; her personality could fill up an image and jump up at you. She'd had such a huge presence, and JJ missed that about her. Sometimes JJ thought that the pictures left behind her filled with messages, but sometimes that made her feel plain crazy.

''Jayj?''

JJ blinked, feeling a soft sting in her eyes as she breathed in quickly, discovering that there was a lump in her throat. Looking up as she quickly put her coffee down to wipe the looming tears from her eyes before they had chance to fall, she smiled toward Garcia, who was hovering uncertainly by the door. She supposed she had been so engrossed in looking at the picture, which she now put back into place, that she hadn't heard her friend. Garcia had spoken softly as to not disturb her, all the concern laced into her voice written also across her face.

''Yeah?''

JJ asked, still keeping up her smile, somewhat embarrassed having been caught. Not that she should have been, it was Penelope Garcia standing at her door, not the Director of the FBI. She knew she didn't have to hide anything from the quirky analyst.

''Are you okay? I didn't mean to startle you, I just saw your tar dissolving the coffee pot so thought I'd come say hi.''

Garcia explained, her voice just as soft as her heart sank at the sadness in such precious blue eyes. Right now, JJ looked like a vulnerable little girl, one that she just wanted to hug and protect. Of course, Garcia knew better. JJ was quite capable of looking out for herself; she was one of the best shots in the damn FBI for crying out loud. But that didn't make any difference to the everlasting whiplash of pain that she would always have to carry around with her. For that there was no cure. And even if there was, Garcia was quite sure that JJ would refuse it.

''Yeah, yeah I'm fine.''

JJ attempted to chirp, although she did give a reasonably honest smirk at Garcia's description of her coffee, knowing it wasn't actually that far off the mark. She tracked the shorter blonde's movements as she stepped into her office, closing the door behind her. Something inside of her knew that she wasn't going to get away with her 'I'm fine' routine. Garcia slipped into the seat in front of the desk, a knowing look and shared sadness in her own eyes.

''You were here all night?''

JJ nodded, glancing down at the files spread across the length of her desk.

''Yeah. I'm sorry that I didn't make it over, things just…well, let's just say it wasn't a good night for my office last night.''

JJ explained, beginning to shuffle everything together. She looked at her watch quickly, noting that it was almost time for her to give her presentation. Garcia had been the first face she had seen in a couple of hours, she could hear the hustle and bustle outside of her office, but she had purposefully kept herself locked away in here. And not only did she have to get changed, given that she was still in her jeans from yesterday, she had to return a couple of calls, including one to Virginia.

''Anything I can do to help?''

The fountain of all knowledge offered sweetly, wishing she could lift some of the strain away from JJ right now. So much had happened all at once. Everything that was going on in her personal life, the 24/7-break neck pace of her life, the shooting…it was none stop. And not to mention the five-year slow burn of apparently being invested in something that should never have happened.

Garcia had done some conferring with Morgan and Reid, they weren't gossiping or anything, but coming to the conclusion that they had failed to see something that Emily had seen straight away. When they went over the facts, it did begin to look bleak.

''No. Just, I might be a little late, I have to change. See you in the presentation?''

The younger blonde stood up, brushing away the offer as she immediately closed off. Garcia stood up too, struggling for something to say. She nodded, watching JJ walk around the desk to go to her closet.

''JJ?''

''Yeah?''

''You look…''

Penelope didn't want to say it. She didn't want to bring it up even, if it got into JJ's head then it could happen. The blonde had replaced the last Agent in this office virtually right out of the Academy, and she ran it with an outstanding amount of skill. Many people were impressed with how she coped, but the last guy, he'd begun to look exactly like JJ had when he started to burn out.

''I know.''

With that, JJ walked through the door and closed it. Garcia didn't need to tell her that she had begun to look as though she was broken.

XXX

''Ever since we had Jack I always dread it when you bring me a case involving kids.''

JJ looked up at her boss after he came around to face her, sending Reid trotting off with the Sheriff so they could stay behind. Just what she needed, a talking to from her superior. She respected Hotch, very much so, but it would only serve to make her mood sourer if he gave her a 'buck up' speech or a 'get your act together' talk. Both would be equally embarrassing for her, she was still under the impression that she constantly had to prove herself. Not just to him, but to everyone. There were lots of eyes watching her at any one time, JJ knew that much.

''Why are you telling me this?''

''Every case we work every case we don't work comes across your desk.''

The blonde nodded faintly, beginning to get the impression that he wasn't going to say what she expected him to say.

''Yeah.''

''And most of the victims are women, and most of them are about your age. It's okay if you lose it every once in a while. It reminds us that we're human.''

Human? She felt so far removed from human right now. There were two real fears that anybody in their unit feared more than anything, more than taking a bullet, even. The first one was becoming so desensitised to the cases that they lost all sense of self and empathy. If that happened, they were no better than the monsters they hunted. The second, was that this job would rip their soul to shreds, rendering them useless. It had broken many good people before, and it would continue to do so. JJ didn't want to be one of those people.

''You never lose it.''

''Maybe I should have.''

Neither did Aaron Hotchner. He had come close to the edge a couple of times, and he could feel his life beginning to slip through his fingers. His wife and son were suffering because of this job, but it was an obsession. Maybe if he had made different choices, maybe if he had been brave enough to do things differently enough to keep them close, maybe if he had lost it to remind himself and them that he was human…

''JJ, I don't want to interfere with your personal life…''

''But?''

''But, you need to make a choice. It's weighing on you, and it's pulling you down because you're too genuine and honest to carry around such deceit.''

There it was, that sense of embarrassment that JJ thought she had just avoided. This was perfect, instead of chewing her out or patronising her about her job, he was going to comment on the sham of a personal life she was leading that he wasn't supposed to know about.

''You um…you know? About me and Emily?''

''Yes.''

''How?''

''I have eyes.''

If Hotch had been able to tell, who else knew? How many people could look at them and see their secret? This was so out of hand, it was spilling over into every facet of her life and it needed to stop.

JJ let out a slow but quick breath, feeling like she had just been hit in the stomach. The boss that she respected and admired, that she worked hard for, that she wanted to respect her, was now having to stop in the middle of a case to comment on all of this. Still, at least he wasn't ripping her to shreds about breaking fraternisation rules, and at least he wasn't judging her. He was actually complimenting her, in a weird sort of way.

''Great. It's nice that you think I have those qualities Hotch, but I think I've proved to everyone that I'm capable of such deceit. I've even lied to myself about it.''

It was a compliment that she couldn't accept, however. All sense of honesty and congruence was just dust in her hand, so she thought. She'd burnt them to fuel the fire of this newfound ability to deceive and manipulate. That's what it felt like, anyway. She had walked straight into the family business, earned her strips in one fell swoop to the cheaters club. Good for her.

''Have you asked yourself why?''

Hotch challenged quietly, making JJ frown in confusion.

''Why what?''

''I was at that hospital with you, JJ. I saw it. It was those qualities in your character, the one's I see everyday, that made you react. Maybe it's the same qualities that are reacting now, but for you this time.''

He was giving her leniency? He was stood there, effectively telling her that she was too good of a person to let Delilah go after what she had done for her. He was stood there, effectively telling her that she was too good of a person to let Emily go because she could tell she was the real thing. How could that possibly be? How could good, decent qualities turn you around like that? It wasn't possible, was it?

How could love, and honesty, and congruence lead you straight to the door of lies? How could it teach you to become a liar? If her good qualities had done this, then didn't that just make her an outright liar? Didn't it make her a cheater in the making? A manipulator of epic proportions?

Did it even make her love real?

''There's no real quality in cheating, Hotch.''

''No, maybe not. The action may be wrong, but what about the feeling? Think about it.''

XXX

The first genuine smile that managed to grace her lips, though only briefly, was Emily's reaction to Morgan's suggestion of a drink. It wasn't often that Emily would display her more inner, innocent qualities, not at work at least. In reality, the daughter of the prestigious Ambassador put up a front. Yes, she was strong and confident and talented. There were many of those qualities running through Emily. But what she also was, was sweet and silly and light-hearted. Emily was a geek of epic proportions, practically rivalling Reid. So it made JJ smile when the bits and pieces of that slipped out every now and then.

The joking and the smiles stopped for everyone however, when Hotch was served. Suddenly, JJ began to understand what he had been trying to tell her out there in the field. He was trying to help her, he wasn't just commenting. He was telling her that he was broken, and maybe, that wasn't always the thing that took you down in this job. He was going to lose his family so he leant on the only other one he had ever known, them. But he was trying to tell her that she didn't have to get that far, she didn't have to break at all, not if she made the right choices.

''Looking good, JJ.''

Blinking, JJ looked up from staring at the panel in front of her. Truth be told she hadn't actually been looking at it, it provided her with read outs and observations, but she hadn't been reading a single one of them. The only thing she had been interested in was the burn of her muscles. Maybe if she pushed hard enough something would happen.

After the drinks idea had been put off, JJ thought that everyone had gone home. Hotch had left, and they had traded uncertain glances and words. JJ had left the group, the touch that Emily had stroked down her shoulder still burning into her skin. The brunette had tried to comfort her during the past couple of days, but JJ had kept her distance. The only thing that she'd let Emily do was hold her during the nights. The profiler had whispered, in the darkness, that she loved her. That she wanted her, that she was there for her.

But when you felt like a liar, when you felt like all you had ever been was a cheater, it was hard to turn to that kind of love. Emily was trying to make her feel it, but JJ already felt it. The brunette had nothing left to prove to her, she already knew. It was herself that the blonde was questioning now.

Now here she was, still hiding inside the walls of Quantico, pushing her pace on the treadmill in the gym. There was no one else here, it was dark outside and the gym was almost ghostly with its sidelights on. The only thing to disturb the peace was the sound of her breathing, the machine she ran on, and the music she was blasting out of the sound system. The music that Reid turned off as he, Morgan and Garcia all strolled into the space.

''What're you guys doing here?''

The blonde asked, not slowing down her pace and ignoring the comment that Morgan had greeted her with. Her hair was tied up loosely, and there was a fine sheen of sweat covering her skin, of which a large amount was on show given that she was clad in shorts and a vest.

''We've come to talk to you. You know, before your head _explodes_ or something.''

Reid remarked softly, trying to offer a sweetness that she only glared at right now. He didn't expect anything other; JJ wasn't the best at talking about herself. To say that she was the face of the BAU, the one that went out there and embodied them all, she hated attention directed toward her.

''What're you talking about?''

She snapped, finally relenting with the running and slowing the treadmill to a stop.

''What the lovely Dr is trying to say, sweet pea, is that we've formed a little committee. I wanted to call it the Jemily committee, but I was outvoted.''

Garcia explained, and then interjected more quietly, shooting a friendly glare at the boys that obviously had outvoted her.

''What the…Jemily? _What the hell_? Do you think this is a joke? This is my goddamn life you're mocking here. Just…you know what, get out. Just leave me the hell alone.''

JJ yelled furiously, death glaring the people that were supposed to be her friends. It occurred to her that maybe that had been the explosion that Reid had just mentioned, she was at the end of her tether right now.

''Boys, could we have a little girl time?''

Morgan and Reid looked at each other for a moment, shrugging and nodding as they conceded that this probably would go better if JJ didn't feel so ganged up on, and if it came from another girl. A girl that happened to be a fountain of knowledge and JJ's best friend.

''You don't scare me baby cakes, so you can knock off the death glare. You need to listen to someone because you're not listening to yourself anymore. We…_I_…I should have been a better friend. I should have known you better. I'm sorry that I let you down for so long, but I'm here now and you're damn well going to listen to me.''

Garcia waited until she was sure the boys were out of range, not flinching under JJ's prolonged glare as she tried to stare her down. Penelope had witnessed all kinds of law enforcement, reporters and even superiors of all calibres buckle under that stare, but she refused to, not today. She had a plan, a simple plan but a plan none the less. It all came down to the sly of hand. JJ was a great card player, a great poker player, but Garcia had some skills of her own and she was about to use them on her best friend.

Plus, the fact that her voice had lowered to an unusually serious one that bordered on barking stalled JJ to no end.

''You are without a doubt one of _the_ most amazing people I've ever met. You rock the world on a daily basis and you do it with style…''

JJ stepped off of the treadmill and tried not to listen to her friend, beginning to pace like a trapped tiger. Garcia was standing between her and the door.

''Stop it.''

''No. You're beautiful, you're intelligent, you're possibly more hard working than Aaron Hotchner himself and that's a serious accusation. You're loyal and you are _such_ a good friend. You _killed_ to save my life JJ and that's something I'll never forget.''

JJ shook her head, whirling around angrily.

''Stop it, Penelope.''

''What happens to people isn't your fault. The damage that life causes is not your fault. You don't have to pick up all of the pieces, you don't have to live and die by Jennifer Jareau's rules of life and death, because you're not responsible and never will be responsible for other people.''

JJ swallowed, not being able to stop the tears from starting to force their way out of her eyes. She knew where Garcia was going, and she saw the regret in the other woman's eyes for having to say it in such a manner, but someone had to. She was dying, she was literally shutting herself off and someone had to stop it.

''Please don't…''

JJ whispered pleadingly, letting the vulnerability shine out of her, the vulnerability that she worked very hard not to show.

''You don't have to feel guilty for wanting a different life than your parents. You don't have to explain away the reasons why you worked so hard to leave your hometown. And you don't have to sabotage you by fitting yourself into boxes because you're terrified of evolving them. JJ, you _do not_ have to feel guilty for growing up. You don't have to make yourself into the bad guy because you're scared that being the good guy makes you better than your sister. You don't have to trap yourself because you're alive and she isn't. You're allowed to surpass her, you don't have to kill yourself too.''

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. The trigger that Garcia had to pull to save her friend's life. It was something that she should have known she had to do a long time ago, but her friendship with Delilah had blinded her. It had blinded them all. She had assumed that Emily was the wrong doer in this scenario, but that had been wrong. Emily was railing against Delilah because she saw what it had done to JJ, and Emily had also realised how it had happened. The boys didn't know about this part, it was why she had asked them to leave the room. She wanted to protect JJ's privacy as best she could, she knew the blonde was already humiliated knowing that they were involved in all of this.

It was a rare day, and a sad day, that you saw Jennifer Jareau break down. It was heartbreaking to witness, and gut wrenching to have caused it. But sometimes it took pain to bring about its opposite, and Penelope was banking on that happening.

''Emily is challenging who you are JJ, you have to stop.''

There it came, here was her poker bluff that she prayed to all and anything that was holy and sacred would work. All she wanted to do was comfort her distraught friend, to hold her close and let her cry on her shoulder, give her someone to hold onto. JJ was actually sobbing, her body wavering, and Garcia had to push her even further.

''No! Emily understands who I am Penelope. _Delilah _challenges who I am…oh my god…''

JJ mustered up the strength to shout, until she realised what it was that she had just said. Her brain hadn't had time to think over her reaction, it hadn't been able to do anything other than rely on her instincts. This was her gut talking; it was her heart and every single fibre within her.

''Oh my god!''

Penelope echoed with almost a hushed sense of disbelief that that actually worked. JJ didn't usually fall for such things, but that was why she had wound her up first. It wouldn't have worked the other way around.

''I…I can't breathe…''

All of a sudden it was hard to breathe, it was hard just to stand on her own two feet. JJ had barely had any sleep, she was physically exerted and now had come the huge emotional duel shot. It was too much. She began to waver, wobbling on her feet as dizziness and disorientation set in. Things became a little blurry, and it frightened her. She felt exposed, she felt as though she was wide open for everyone and anyone that wanted to take a look. But it also felt kind of relieving, it felt like someone had ripped a band-aid off of her skin. It hurt at first, but it was a good feeling after.

There was too much feeling right now to properly register the good feeling, but there was a hell of a lot of weight that had just been yanked off of her shoulders because of what her friend had just said. JJ hadn't even realised how far her pathology had gone, she hadn't understood the grandeur and depth of it all.

''It's okay honey, just relax, take deep breath's.''

As JJ was about to topple, Garcia caught her. She kept her standing, letting the younger woman lean on her for a moment, before the technical analyst helped sink her to the floor. Once JJ was safely down on the training matt beneath them, Penelope sat next to her, pulling the blonde into her so she could lean her weight on her. She was pleased that JJ let herself surrender.

''I…what the hell have I done?''

JJ panted, starring at the blur of the blue matt. She felt weak. Weak in the way you did when you had been through a significant physical or emotional event. She was just grateful that Garcia was here to help her. She felt the perky blonde stroke through her ponytail gently.

''You're heart just got confused, peaches. It's not the first time in history. Just breathe.''

''She saved my life Garcia…I didn't…I couldn't…''

''As much as it pains me to say it, that doesn't mean that you have to give her yours. I love her, I do, and I seriously love Emily. You need to sort this out now; you're not a cheater. You need to let yourself be free, Jayj, you need to live. Because what's the point of taking a second rate happiness over a first rate happiness? Delilah saved your life, but Emily can save _you_. I just think that beautiful mind of yours had been so hurt and confused about what love is supposed to be that you ignored the fact that you were never happy.''

It should have been obvious, maybe not to JJ but to someone. But mistakes had been made and there was nothing anyone could do about it now. All Garcia wanted to do now was help JJ sort this out. She still didn't approve of the way her friends went about things, but she could now see the whole picture, and the only thing she felt for JJ was understanding and kindness. Things had been lost to her and her heart had been broken all this time, she had made the choices she had because she was a sweet, kind and loyal soul. But she had to think about herself now; she had to think about what was going to make her happy. Emily was the answer to that.

''Emily wants me, Penny. She told me she was ready. She wants me to leave Delilah.''

Garcia nodded gently.

''You need to say it, Jayj…you need to hear it from yourself.''

It actually felt like a privilege that she was here for this moment, that she was holding the weight of the bruised and battered farm girl from Pennsylvania. One that had dedicated her life to everyone else but herself. This was a huge moment for JJ, a huge event. It was the moment that she'd be able to let herself breathe again. The moment she would set herself free.

''I'm in love with Emily. I just…god, I love her so much. I want to be with her, I want everything with her. When I look at her I see everything, I see life, I see kids and future and when I think about not having that I feel like I'm dying.''

JJ let the words roll off her tongue, not thinking about them but trusting herself to just talk. It had been so long since she had done that, and it felt good.

''And when you think about staying with Delilah?''

Penelope probed.

''It…it kills me…I'd die inside.''

JJ uttered her confession, the very thing that she had been holding back, the thing she had been scared to admit. She had felt it in her gut, but the translation wouldn't fit in her head before today.

''She saved your life and if you stay with her she'll kill you. Neither of you deserve that. I believe that you can be happy with Emily, and I'm sorry I didn't see that sooner.''

JJ shook her head, blinking to help clear her head as her vision came back to her properly. She wasn't dizzy anymore; she wasn't finding it hard to breathe.

''It's not your fault, I fucked everything up.''

Whatever the reasons, whatever her issues that had steered her toward this, JJ still had to take the responsibility for her own mistakes. There was no getting around that, and she didn't want to get around that. What she had done, what she had been doing, was wrong. What needed to happen now, was that she needed to stand up and take responsibility. She needed to tell Delilah that she had been cheating on her, and she needed to tell her how she felt.

''Yeah, you kinda have. But you can make it right. You can accept how you feel now; you can do the right thing. You're kinda good that that.''

JJ smirked as Garcia nudged into her gently, turning to look at her friend properly.

''I don't know what I'd do without you, Penelope.''

''Well you don't have to worry about that sweetness; I'm always here for you. You're my girl.''

''Thank you.''

JJ leant forward and enveloped her friend into a hug. She didn't need to ask Garcia about the things she said, most of them fit right in already, and she had understood the bluff that Penelope had used to get her to react instead of think. Thank god for good friends.

For the first time in a long while, JJ felt like things could really change now. She could use this information, she could understand herself better and she could do what needed to be done. And she could let herself be happy. She wanted a life with Emily, so badly that it throbbed in her chest. Part of her couldn't wait to run out there and start it already, but she knew that in the very least, she owed the woman that had been with her for five years.

For all of Delilah's faults, there were many qualities to outshine them. In the very least, Delilah had loved her; she had been devoted to her. Everything else could be forgotten, they had only been driven by what the brunette felt for her. JJ didn't want to hurt her anymore than she had, anymore than she was going to by making her confessions.

For her new life to start, JJ had to end the old one.

XXX

Tomorrow would be a new day, she had been promised. The only thing she needed to do, the only thing she could do, was to get some sleep. Everything would feel and look different in the morning.

Penelope had been right.

JJ had let herself be driven home, giving in to the exhaustion she felt. After pulling on a college sweatshirt and jogging pants, she had let Garcia drive her home, in no real state to drive herself. Of course, a huge part of her had been tempted to shrug off sleep in favour of going straight to Emily's door. It had crossed her mind more than once. However, her wise friend had convinced her to let herself get some rest. Garcia had pointed out that nothing significant could happen that night anyway, it had been late, and JJ had been running off coffee and fumes for a few days now. If she didn't go home and sleep, she would not only burn herself out, but she wouldn't be able to do Emily or Delilah any justice.

That kind of logic was hard to argue against, so JJ hadn't even tried. Instead, she had gone home, dragging herself through her front door only to drop onto the couch. The last thing she remembered doing before she had evidently passed out, was sending Emily a text.

A simple text that was supposed to encourage the brunette, hopefully maybe put her mind at rest. It had read – _Tomorrow we need to talk. I love you, JJ._

It had been the last thing she had done before falling into what felt like a coma. And it had only been the familiar buzzing that had begun to drag her out of that delightful, full and deep sleep. Something that she hadn't experienced in quite some time. If it hadn't have been for her phone, JJ would have just rolled over and drifted off again to enjoy another snooze. Instead, she found herself trying to kick-start her brain, feeling sensations beginning to come back to her. She was sprawled out on her couch, fully dressed; her sneakers were even still on her feet. She'd needed sleep so badly that the moment she had sat down, she had gone under.

''Shit…''

The disorientated, sleepy blonde mumbled as she knocked over an empty beer bottle that she didn't remember leaving there as she fumbled for her blackberry. Already she could feel the difference that daybreak had brought her. The pale, morning sun felt good, and there was an excitement in her chest. The excitement went hand in hand with a weighted anticipation, because she knew what else she needed to do today, but at least, when all was said and done, she had that perspective.

''Agent Jareau.''

JJ reeled off automatically, finally managing to grab hold of her squeamish phone, answering it before it could ring off. Taking in a deep breath, JJ rubbed her eyes as she listened. Of course, as she expected, it was work. Hotch readily informed her of a break in a case that they had been following for a few months now. It was right here in their backyard, and they had been monitoring it with keen anticipation. Unfortunately, just over a month ago, the trail had gone clap cold. There had been nothing they could squeeze out, no matter how hard they had tried. Their only option had to be to watch and wait.

Apparently the waiting was over.

''Yes Sir, I'll be there as soon as possible. Okay, bye.''

JJ didn't need to hold all the details right now, all she needed to know that she was being called in. With a determined sigh, the blonde forced herself awake. Heaving herself up, JJ looked around the apartment bleary eyed, blinking until her vision became clear again. After that happened, she yanked herself up, knowing she needed to get a move on.

Clearing her throat as she ruffled her hair as she yawned, JJ walked down the hallway toward her bedroom. She stalled slightly as she saw the sleeping figure in her bed. Delilah was fast asleep, and the blonde felt her heart sink for a moment. Later today, barring any complications, she had to break this girls heart. It wasn't going to be easy, they had shared a lot, but there was simply no other way.

When the FBI Agent had dragged herself in last night, she had just wanted to sleep. But upon seeing Delilah in her bed, JJ had instead opted to take the couch. There was no way she could have slept in the same bed as Delilah now; it would have been insulting to both of them. Delilah didn't deserve the extra slap in the face, so the blonde had taken to the comfort of her couch.

Now she tiptoed her way through her bedroom, carefully gathering together all the things she would need for the day. Then, she moved into the bathroom, jumping in the shower. It only took her ten minutes to wash and refresh herself, keeping her movements swift knowing that she needed to haul ass.

Hotch, unsurprisingly, was already at work, and she'd probably be the second to arrive. It was usually between the two of them of who arrived at the office first, after all. He said she had been the first person he had called, he needed her files and they'd need to do some co-ordination. Her car was still at work, so JJ knew she'd need to grab a taxi to get her to Quantico. Plans of action began to strum through her mind as she got herself dry and brushed her teeth, going about her morning tasks quickly. The only thing she slowed for, was to write a few heartfelt words on a piece of card that was attached to the smooth brown wrapping paper to the present that she intended to give to Emily.

Slipping through the bedroom again, a small lump formed in JJ's throat as she noticed that the bed was empty. Delilah was up and about, it seemed.

''Morning baby.''

It wasn't fair that she internally cringed, but she did. Now that everything made sense in her head, JJ found it alien to be called that by anyone but Emily. Even the girl that had been calling her it for five years. This was a crazy situation.

''Morning.''

The blonde replied politely, almost neutrally as she moved over to her holdall. Delilah stood in the kitchen, still a little bleary eyed as she poured out some coffee. JJ cleared her throat, grabbing her phone and making the call to a taxi company she tended to use if she needed one. She ignored the quizzical look from her girlfriend, obviously wondering why she hadn't driven home last night. As she made her call, JJ went about taking her credentials, cuffs and weapon and making sure she secured them to herself.

''I didn't hear you come in last night.''

Delilah stated, her tone not accusing nor light, but somewhere in the middle. She was speculating, asking without asking what had gone on last night. She wrapped her hands around her coffee mug protectively, grateful for its warmth because the chill in the room was unavoidable.

''No, I didn't want to wake you.''

''Is that why you slept out here? Because you didn't want to wake me?''

JJ sighed, but bit back her rising irritability. It bugged her that Delilah wasn't just outright asking her what she wanted to know, but she knew she had to keep her cool. There was no point getting angry and starting an argument right now. It shouldn't have been that surprising anyway, Delilah was a possessive person, plus it sent a pretty clear signal when you chose the couch rather than the bed you're supposed to share.

''I barely made it through the door last night I was so tired. Look, sorry, I've been called in. Are you going to be here later? I'll try and get away early if I can.''

JJ explained and appeased, trying to probe into her girlfriend's whereabouts gently. She didn't want to spook her, if Delilah thought that something bad was coming she would either fight to hear it right now or flee back to Baltimore.

''Yeah, I'll be here. You'll let me know?''

''Of course. I umm…I'll see you tonight.''

JJ lingered for a couple of seconds, looking at Delilah with that sadness drifting through her. It was hard to let go of someone, no matter what the circumstances. It wasn't as simple as that she loved Emily and she just had to move on, the things that she and Delilah had been through, the big things and the little things, they still meant something.

Knowing that she had to move, JJ took in a steadying breath, smiled wanly at the brunette and moved to grab her bag on the way toward the door. The car would be here in moments, and she had to put her game face on.

XXX

Tonight was easier said than done.

Upon the very moment she stepped foot onto the BAU floor to the one right now had been slow. It had been anything but slow. Time was a funny thing, it moved in stops and starts according to your perception. So much time had passed since this morning in what seemed like a contrary blink of an eye, it was dizzying. And when everything seemed to have been going at such a breakneck pace, time seemingly speeding before your very eyes, it was disorientating to have it slow down so that it matched the slow, dull beats of your heartbeat.

It was odd, she had taken blows before. In this line of work it was hard to avoid any kind of injury, even in training. The Academy wasn't soft on its cadets, purposefully so she supposed. They had to get used to taking at least a certain amount of knocks, they couldn't be scared of that in the field.

There had never been a problem for her with her willingness to put herself in harms way. It's just what you did, right? You stood in front of the person you were protecting, because you had the gun. You had the training and the know how and the badge. There had never been a lack of resolve to do so, particularly today.

It was odd because when she felt the warmth of the blood, the feel of its silky liquid, it didn't bother her. It didn't bother her even as she raised her hand up to her eyelevel to see it covering her skin, dripping further down her arm or sending droplets falling to the floor.

Karma caught up with you one way or another, and apparently her debt was being cashed in right now. She had been owing for five years, now her blood had been spilt. It felt right, somehow. It felt orderly. It was odd because she felt calm, peaceful even. For someone who hadn't been able to get to grips with all the bloodshed that had happened through her life, it was odd that she didn't even question it.

This was what must have happened, the tranquillity that had enveloped her as she lay on the floor, it must have enveloped Tarrin too. With her desperate plight to escape the mortal coil, she must have waited happily, freed at the feel of her life slipping away from her. It was unusually calm, she didn't feel frightened. Tarrin wouldn't have been frightened, so she wouldn't be either. Their purposes may have been different, but she had had a purpose too. A motivation that had lead to this outcome.

It didn't matter what happened now, she had to let go. She had to leave it in the hands of nature. She had made her choice, and the knowledge that she was safe, well that made it worthwhile. She didn't have a death wish, far from it. She wanted to live a long and full life with the woman she loved. But the woman she loved had been in mortal danger, and in an ironically similar fashion, she had chosen to intervene.

Jennifer Jareau had never truly understood the physical release that her sister had sought, the same way she had never truly understood why her girlfriend would choose to stand in front of a knife like that. She now understood, she understood everything. There was a level of clarity that encompassed her; she could see things she had never been able to see before. And though there were so many things that she had to miss out on, there was no room for regret. She was part of the true believers now. Tarrin had been a believer that she didn't belong in this world and perhaps the next would provide her more, Delilah had believed that if she were taken from this world then it wouldn't matter, because Jennifer Jareau would be left in it.

JJ's purpose, JJ's motivations, JJ's true belief, was that Emily Prentiss needed to be in this world and if it took her taking bullets and even dying, then so be it.

Today had been one hell of a ride. From walking into work to the collision with the hard, wooden floor that she was bleeding out onto right now. The blonde wondered why they didn't think about this happening all the time. She wondered how it was always presumed that nothing would ever go wrong. But things could go wrong, even when you had the training and the backup and the know how. Even when you had your own weapon.

They weren't perfect though. Contrary to the sometimes-upheld belief, and contrary to their own feelings sometimes, the BAU did not know everything about everything. They were human, and when there was no evidence to point to something, it slipped the net. They weren't all seeing, they weren't infallible, they weren't anything other than human. They did their best, they worked hard, and they had to deal with fallout all the time. Nothing ever ended perfectly in this line of work.

Her ending wasn't perfect.

''Oh god…oh my god, _JJ_! Get the paramedic over here!''

For JJ, it seemed to be a blur how this happened. She simply knew that it had. She knew that it had happened to protect the woman she loved. The woman that was currently screaming for the paramedic as she scrambled up off of the floor that she had been pushed down onto. Just the sheer sound of her voice pleased JJ, because if she was shouting, it meant that she was safe. That's all that really mattered to her right now.

''What the hell did you do?''

The anger in Emily's voice only served to make JJ smile wanly, not having the energy to do much else. Despite the fact she had two bullets in her body right now, despite the fact that blood was seeping out of her, she never let the sparkle stop from dancing in her eyes as Emily's face appeared above hers. The brunette looked dishevelled, there was blood smeared across her head where she had been injured, but all in all, she looked good.

In the initial raid of the house, Emily had made contact with their killer first. He had knocked her down, kicked her gun out of her hand, and then kicked her in the head, then the stomach a couple of times, and god only knew what else would have happened if she hadn't have managed to grab her weapon. One shot was all it had taken, one shot to the head and he'd gone down. It had ended just like that, within one second.

Emily had reported to the ambulance that had been waiting outside, annoyed that she had to be fussed over by an 'over cautious' paramedic. He had stopped the bleeding to her head, and made her take off her vest so that he could check the rest of her out. Everyone had been busy figuring out the details, wrapping things up, that no one stopped to think about his son. They hadn't known he would be there, the teenage kid of their killer. They assumed that he was a victim, that he didn't want to be there. They assumed that the boy hadn't seen the killings.

They assumed that because he was quiet and pliant, that his Father hadn't been teaching him his cruel craft. So, as Emily walked back up onto the deck of the house to speak to JJ as a cop had been escorting the boy out, no one had really thought about cuffing him. He wasn't supposed to be a threat. He wasn't supposed to have grabbed the Officer's gun and swing it around, screaming at Emily for killing his Father.

It had taken not even a second for JJ to react. To force Emily out of the way. She had her vest on, Emily didn't. The odds were better for her. How was she to know that the kid would fire indiscriminately as well as sloppily, almost being able to fire off the entire clip before he was stopped? How was she supposed to know that he would manage to hit her, not once, but twice? A bullet to the gut right beneath the line of her Kevlar vest, the other in her leg.

''_What the hell did you do JJ?_''

Emily shouted again, cringing at the massive blood loss that she was seeing from JJ. She barely looked like JJ anymore, she looked pale and gaunt and sweaty. There was blood everywhere, and Emily instinctively put a hand on each entry wound and pressed. Immediately, it caused a reaction in JJ, it caused her to cry out and cringe, struggling to breath under the pain.

''Suck it up Jareau, don't you dare quit on me. You stay awake, or I'll kick your ass.''

Emily barked, a dangerous darkness filtering through her eyes to mix with the fear and the shock. Everything had happened so quickly; she hadn't even seen it coming. She had been so surprised at the strength of which JJ had pushed her to the ground, and now it was her lying on the ground, bleeding. There was so much blood, she was trying to slow it down but it wasn't working.

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. This wasn't supposed to happen. They were supposed to have talked, now that the case had been finished. Emily was supposed to have asked what the blonde's text meant, she had been thinking about it since she had read it last night. Her hopes had reached the stratosphere; she hadn't been able to help it. JJ had said she loved her in the text, and that could only mean one thing, couldn't it?

If they had just been given that chance to talk, if they had just realised that the kid was a threat, then none of this might have been happening. They were supposed to be getting their chance, finally. After all the turmoil and all the pain and all the anguish, it was their time to be together without the cover of shadows and without the flavour of a lie. Emily was so ready for that to happen, to make a solid foundation with JJ so that they could build on what they felt for one another. God help her she wanted everything, and now all that future she envisioned was slipping away from her like the blood was slipping away from JJ.

Had they left all of this too late? Were they being punished? They had cheated and now they were getting their just deserves, was that it? Why now? And why JJ? If she lived through this then Emily sure as hell was going to kill her for taking what had been meant for her.

''I…I love you…Em.''

JJ struggled to speak, her voice barely recognisable through the twisting pain and the struggle it had become to breathe. Emily sniffed, trying to keep herself from breaking down, as she moved to take hold of JJ's hand as the blonde lifted it up. The paramedics were working on stopping the bleeding long enough to get her into the ambulance, so Emily needed to keep her focused now.

''I love you too.''

The brunette nodded, trying to smile but knowing it wasn't reaching her eyes as she starred at her dishevelled lover. She had done this for her; JJ had stepped in front of that gun for her the same was that Delilah had stepped in front of that knife for JJ. Why did she feel like she had something to prove? Why did she ever think she would understand it if she died for her? Emily didn't want to think of this world without JJ in it, it didn't fit inside her head. Couldn't JJ understand that she'd rather die herself? Not sit here helplessly and watch her bleed.

''If…if they don't…if I don't make it…just know, I love you. You fixed my heart.''

''Don't think like that, you're going to be fine Jennifer. Do you understand me? You're going to make it through this, and when you do I'll be there to shout at you for being such an idiot.''

Emily was aware that their team, even a few of the local cops, had surrounded them. She didn't care. It didn't matter to her right now who saw them and what they heard. She kept squeezing JJ's hand, kept looking her right in the eye.

''Yeah…but I'm your idiot.''

The older woman smirked, shaking her head lightly as she thought that perhaps Jennifer Jareau was the only person on the earth who could joke at a time like this. Emily got the message though, JJ was trying to tell her that she'd done it for her, and she'd do it again. To her, she'd rather die than to live in a world without Emily Prentiss. It was overwhelming to be loved that much, but right now Emily didn't want that feeling. Instead she wanted the life that she had dreamt about having with the blonde, not a memory that she'd loved her so much she'd died for her.

''JJ…open your eyes.''

Emily's smirk dropped the second that JJ's eyes did. She squeezed her hand, trying to get her to respond.

''_Jennifer_, c'mon honey wake up.''

There was no response. Emily felt the floodgate open as she realised that JJ had slipped into unconsciousness. She was even paler than before, grey almost, and her hand loosened in hers so much that it was only her grip that was keeping it up.

''She's unconscious.''

Emily didn't know who she was saying it to, herself, the team or the paramedics. She guessed it didn't matter as the medics got the motionless blonde onto a stretcher.

''We've got to go, right now.''

''I'm coming with you.''

The medic nodded in agreement, whether it was because he was too busy thinking about how to help JJ or because he had overheard what had been said, Emily didn't know or care about. There was never a chance that she wasn't getting on that ambulance with JJ.

''We'll follow behind you.''

Emily blinked at her boss, almost confused as his voice cut through her concentration. For a moment she had forgotten about their presence, forgotten about everything. There were still cars and cops and commotion surrounding them, it was chaos. She just wanted everything to disappear, or everything to stop. If she could rewind what had happened to make a different outcome, she would have, in a heartbeat. But the blood had been spilt now, and JJ was lying on that stretcher being rushed toward the ambulance.

Emily could only react with instincts as things began to blur and echo, shock and fright and sheer terror of loosing the girl she loved catching up with her. She ignored her own injuries, fought them off, to do what she had to do to stay alongside JJ. Her stomach churned, threatening to force its contents up through her body, but she pushed it down. She couldn't indulge in things like throwing up, she had to stay strong. She had to stay with the woman that she adored.

Emily was no angel, she was no saint, and she was no adherer to any religion. She had been raised in one, but circumstances had taught her how hollow it could be and she had never truly come to rights with it again. But right now, she couldn't think what else she could do.

The one thing she found to be the most beautiful in this world was slipping away from her, and as Emily climbed into the back of the ambulance, slamming the doors closed behind her, all she could do was grip JJ's hand in her own and pray to god that she didn't die.

XXX

''What've we got?''

The flurry of movement was disorientating. The feeling of nausea having gotten stronger and harder to resist in transit. The blaring of the whaling, screeching sirens above her head were still echoing in her ears, pushing a deep pain forward between and behind her eyes. Every second felt like her heartbeat depended on it. Every breath was laboured and grinding, making her lungs burn as though they were on fire.

''Gunshot wounds, no exit!''

JJ had been unconscious the whole way, her hand never responding to Emily's, her body never responding to the paramedic's assistance. He had braced her neck, fit her with a central line for fluids, packed her wounds as well as he could, cursing each time that more blood broke the surface of the padding. He had attached an oxygen mask, her airway was clear but she was still struggling, her lips having turned a chilling, strange tinge of blue. She was an off greyish colour and sweaty, her body was in shock. Emily didn't know whether it was better or not that JJ wasn't awake, at least this way she wouldn't have been terrified by the noise, by the calls of the paramedics to each other, to the pain flushing through her body.

''Hypovolemic shock has set in. Pulse ox, 92 on 15 litres…''

The paramedic began to reel off information that Emily only half understood as people moved around her. The driver had radioed ahead; he said a trauma surgeon and a team would meet them at the ambulance bay of the George Washington hospital. Emily felt herself relax at the knowledge that they were heading for a hospital that in her panicked mind right now, would be best equipped to take care of a downed Agent. She ran alongside the gurney, keeping a grip as best she could on JJ's hand. Words were being thrown around by the staff, HemoCue, trauma panel…the pieces weren't fitting into her head right now; the littering of medical jargon was flying over her head.

''First entry, abdominal cavity, the bullet just missed the vest. Second entry, upper thigh. Victim is 29-year-old FBI Agent Jennifer Jareau, shot in the field. Massive haemorrhaging from the thigh, suspected fractured femur or compromised major blood vessel. Massive haemorrhaging from the abdominal wound, suspected penetration of the retroperitoneal space.''

There was simply no mistaking the grim, urgent tone in the paramedics voice as he reeled off his report and analysis to the trauma surgeon as the staff continued to buzz around them as JJ was wheeled into a trauma room. Immediately the chatter became not of information sharing but of orders and procedure and things that Emily couldn't have understood even if she had been absorbing it. The staff just moved around in a blur, the only thing she could see was JJ. Her own breathing echoed in her ears, her heart thundering along with it. She felt detached from the whole scene.

''Please, Ma'am, you need to step away now.''

That was until a nurse took hold of her by the shoulders, gently but firmly beginning to tug her away from the gurney as wires and machines started to emerge around the blonde.

''No…no I have to stay.''

''There's nothing you can do for her now, let us take care of her. Dr Walker is an excellent surgeon.''

Emily stalled, staring at the insistent nurse.

''Walker?''

The nurse had turned around Emily, but as she dug her heels in she spun back around to scan the trauma room. Immediately, she recognised the familiar sight of the Dr that had strolled up to her so many nights ago in a nameless bar. Emily's brain was barely functioning and somewhere in the back of it she seemed to acknowledge the retained information that Kate Walker was a trauma surgeon, an attending, at GW. Being so focused on JJ, Emily hadn't seen her when they had arrived.

''_Kate_!''

At the emphasised shout of her name, Kate looked around quickly, surprised to see that Emily was being practically restrained by one of the formidable ER nurses. The brunette that she had been so used to seeing as composed was now starring at her with a wild look of shock and terror, dried blood smearing her head and probably a couple of other injuries given that she was favouring her arm and flinching when she made sudden movements.

''Emily, what the hell happened?''

Kate demanded, turning back to her trauma victim as she proceeded to work on her, trying to gauge the extend of her damage and control it. There was no doubt in her mind that this girl was going to need immediate surgery. She had already ordered an operating room to be ready for her.

''It's…it's Jennifer, he shot her. She stood in front of me; there was nothing I could do. It's _Jennifer_, Kate, it's JJ.''

Once again Kate took a second to look around at Emily, suddenly understanding the look in her eyes, the reason that she was fighting so hard to stay in this room. There had been many talks between them since they had met about their hoped for significant other's. Sometimes they had met simply for that reason, just to talk. They understood each other; they both felt a sense of release at having someone to talk to with that understanding. Kate knew exactly what her patient meant to Emily, she felt as if she almost knew the blonde FBI Agent despite the fact that they had never met. And seeing her like this, seeing the stricken, desperate look across Emily's face was heartbreaking. She couldn't even begin to imagine what this would do to her if she were in Emily's shoes.

''I'll take care of her Emily, but I need you to go outside right now. You don't need to see this. I'll do everything I can for her, I promise.''

Emily didn't resist the tug of the nurse anymore, something in her breaking as she let herself be pulled away. It was a distinct feeling of helplessness that she felt as she was directed out into the corridor, one that churned inside her stomach and bit into her chest. How could she have let this happen? How could JJ be in there, depending on a bunch of strangers to save her life? Emily knew Kate, JJ didn't. She was lying there, bleeding and exposed to their eyes, and there was nothing she could do to help her.

''Have you been checked out, Agent…''

''Prentiss. Emily Prentiss.''

Emily muttered as she leant forward, trying to breathe through a dizzying wave. She braced her hands just above her knees, ignoring the pain it caused to do so.

''You need to have your injuries looked at, Agent Prentiss.''

Emily shook her head defiantly.

''No, I'm okay. They did that in the field. I just want to stay with Jennifer.''

The nurse nodded, almost smirking at the resilience that she had seen just over five years ago from the Agent that lay in the room next to them.

''That's Jennifer Jareau, right?''

Standing up straight, Emily offered the nurse a perplexed and quizzical look as she nodded slowly.

''Yeah…''

''I remember her; she was here five years ago with a stabbing victim. Tried to show me the same kind of sass you are. I'm sure if she's still got that about her then she's going to fight her way through this, I can always tell the hard headed one's!''

For some reason Emily felt a splash of warmth inside, hopeful for the first time because this woman knew who JJ was. She spoke affectionately of her, it was nice to hear, and of course she was right, JJ really was hard headed, she was a fighter. Emily needed to remind herself of that.

It was weirdly ironic that this same nurse had been there five years ago when JJ was no doubt in the same position as she was right now. In complete shock, slightly injured but nothing compared to her, to what Delilah would have been. Suddenly Emily found herself having a lot more respect and empathy for the Latino woman, it took an inordinate amount of strength to sacrifice for another like that, and a lot of love. She had tried to keep JJ safe, felt her worthier to be in the world than her. Perhaps Delilah wasn't so unobservant after all, Emily would never think that she wasn't worthy but she knew the essence of that line of thinking that the brunette cop would have had. It was the same line of thinking that had lead JJ to do what she did, in a reflection of what her girlfriend had done.

''Hard headed may be putting it lightly…she's a fighter. She has to fight.''

Emily agreed with an almost smirk, a spark lighting in her eyes for just a second. Right up until she turned back to the trauma room, trying to see through the blinds what was happening, whispering her need for JJ to fight. If she was strong enough to take bullets for her, she damn well better be strong enough to fight.

It didn't occur to Emily how much attention she was drawing. With her own slightly battered body, her clothes a little dishevelled from the scuffle earlier, not to mention hitting the deck before the shooting, her hair was tied up but now scruffy from the goings on, blood smeared across her. She was shaking, she hadn't realised but she had been shaking this whole time. Her gun and her cuffs were still attached to her, but her arm throbbed and she held it close to her stomach to alleviate it and also as a way to protect her heavily bruised tummy. She was also still covered in JJ's blood.

''Emily.''

Emily's attention snapped back into reality by the voice cutting through her thoughts. Blinking, she focused again, body tensing as Kate strode up to her, the nurses from inside moving quickly with JJ's gurney down the hall.

''What's going on? Where are you taking her?''

The brunette demanded, starting to move but being blocked by Kate who put a hand on her shoulder to keep her in place.

''Jennifer needs immediate surgery, the damage is significant. I'm sorry. I believe that the bullet that penetrated her abdomen has penetrated the retroperitoneal space. That's the space behind the abdominal membrane; it could potentially jeopardize organs like her liver, her spleen or kidney as well as the blood vessels that feed the intestines.''

Kate explained, keeping a hold of her friend, knowing that the information would come as a dismay and shock to an already shocked mind. And indeed, Emily wavered a little as she tried to listen carefully.

''Oh god…''

''The second bullet fractured her femur, this is better news, we can reduce the fracture to alleviate the blood vessels that provide circulation to the lower leg, and drain any blood that has leaked through. We have the best surgeons Emily; my colleagues are scrubbing up right now. The damage is significant, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's fatal. She's strong and healthy, she's young, and her vitals have steadied a little. The most important thing is that you got pressure on her, and you got her here in the golden hour. Okay? Her odds would've been far worse if you hadn't have reacted so quickly. You may have saved her life.''

It was vaguely reassuring to hear the positives, which Emily noticed that Kate had given her last, probably in the hope that those were what she would remember most. She wasn't trying to alarm her; she was trying to give her a realistic overall of the situation whilst telling her that there was reason to hope for the best. She was trying to tell her that significant was bad, but it wasn't the worst.

''I have to go, I need to scrub in. I promise you that I will do everything I can, okay? I promise.''

Kate squeezed Emily's shoulder gently, offering her an encouraging and earnest look. Emily already knew she would, and she nodded lightly, tiredly, watching as the redheaded Dr turned and rushed down the hall and out of sight.

The information echoed around her brain, trying to find a place to compute. It seemed bizarre that the chunk of data related to JJ. Emily knew she needed to remember somehow; her teammates would eventually arrive at the hospital asking for updates. But of course the bad seemed to outweigh the good right now, all she could think about was all that damage. All she could think about was that it was all her fault.

''Where…where do I wait?''

Emily asked quietly, looking up at the nurse with big, vulnerable eyes. She was barely holding it together right now. Now it was just a waiting game. They had only just been through this with Penelope, waiting for hours in some waiting room, unsure of what was going to happen.

''C'mon honey, I'll take you.''

The nurse, Karen, wrapped an arm around Emily, not giving up totally on the idea of having her checked out, but biding her time. Sooner or later her people were going to show up, and hopefully they'd help her convince the empty looking Agent to go and get checked out as well as cleaned up. Right now though, the trauma was too potent, she couldn't think, the light in her eyes was dim and her shoulders sagged. Right now Karen thought it best to take Emily to the waiting room closest to the operating theatre, perhaps get her to drink a little water as they waited.

And just like she had for JJ all those years ago, Karen stayed with Emily so she didn't have to wait alone.

XXX

Indeed, it was a long, hard wait.

At first, Emily hadn't been able to sit for long. She would perch on the edge of the seat, sometimes staring at the floor; sometimes watching the hands tick by on the wall-mounted clock. Her eyes would roam the long corridor, watching and listening to the smallest of sounds and studying passers by. They were mostly staff going about their working day. They would talk between themselves quietly, seemingly aware in some respect that people were going through major events or fighting for their lives.

The areas were clean, bright, the overhead lights reflecting off the shining floor. The light bedazzled her eyes, adding further to the headache that had developed since the moment JJ was shot. It was disorientating and it made her feel a little seasick. She had already given in and thrown up into a nearby trashcan. Karen had been understanding and genuine, and she had had it taken away in exchange for a sick bowl in case she needed to hurl again. It sat idly on the small table between the row of chairs.

The scene kept playing through the profiler's head, the details invading her mind for her to analyse to see where their mistake had been. How had they missed the boy? How had they not been able to reasonably guess when they had found him that he could be a threat? He was shaky and dirty, couldn't look anyone in the eye for long, in all honesty he was a little waif of a thing. He had spoken quietly, as though he was frightened. They had felt sorry for him. Everyone had felt sorry for him, being exposed to the things his own Father was doing.

How could they have felt sympathy for a monster in training? For someone who had pulled the trigger indiscriminately, his intention to unload the entire clip, his intention to kill. How had he gotten so lucky to have hit JJ not only once, but twice? The other bullets had either missed entirely or hit her vest, but it only took one shot, didn't it? And he'd been lucky enough to get in two.

It was a shocking idea to think about JJ being cut open. She had become the heart of this team, and they all greatly respected her for carrying them. She held so much grace and wonder, she was just special. It was a cruel thought to think of bullets ripping through her, scalpels cutting into her. She was the job now, she was a case. There would be an investigation, a separate file, with pictures and statements and reports. It would forever be not only on her own jacket, but also in the BAU files.

Didn't she give enough? This job near enough took their lives; did it honestly need their blood too?

The first to arrive were Hotch, Rossi and Reid, each looking downhearted and sombre. Emily didn't really register their muttered summary of what had happened at the scene, she didn't really need to know right now. In fact, she had barely been aware of their presence up until Reid had crouched down in front of her and drawn her into a soft hug. It felt nice to feel the care and the warmth, the silent understanding he held for what she must have been feeling in this moment. It was nice to feel a little human, because all she had felt until was empty and cold.

Emily had only just started to sit for longer, between her pacing, and now stood again to try and regurgitate the information that Kate had told her. Only she had lost it half way through and she was grateful to Karen who had taken over, informing the guys of the condition of their fallen team member. After she had made sure they all understood and asked if they needed anything more, she had excused herself, not before giving Emily's shoulder a gentle squeeze. It had been good of her to stay for so long, the ER was a busy place and the profiler was sure she had been needed.

Rossi had been the first one to try and convince Emily to go downstairs and get checked out, stating that she couldn't do anything for now. Emily refused. Hotch had followed up on it by saying JJ wouldn't want her out here with unchecked injuries and blood all over her. Still, Emily refused. She refused the offer of water, the offer of coffee and she ignored the pair of scrubs that Karen had left in case she wanted to change. If she left this spot and something happened then she wouldn't have forgiven herself. If someone came out to update them, she didn't want to miss it.

So they sat there, silently reflecting on the reality of what had happened, and what could happen.

Emily began to think of the time she had shared with JJ, right from the first moments of meeting the blonde, to forming their friendship, to the intimate time they had shared. All the emotion and all of the images moved through her, and she began to think about the future that she had so badly wanted. Images of them popped into her brain, of sweet kisses and morning lovemaking, of anniversary dinners and new houses. She thought of rings and weddings and children. It gave her something to hold on to, because she had to believe that they were still going to get their chance, but it also made her tremble with fright that all that beauty would never happen.

So far into her thoughts was she, that she didn't notice the appearance of Morgan and Garcia. Morgan had gone his separate way from the other's to go back to Quantico and pick Penelope up to get her to the hospital. He didn't want her to have to drive when she was this upset, and she didn't want her to travel alone either. Even as Hotch repeated what they had been told, Emily didn't notice Garcia's squeaks and sobs of dismay. She didn't hear the conversation aimed to bolster all their spirits by saying that JJ was strong and she would be too stubborn to let go, and perhaps the longer they didn't hear anything meant good news. It meant that they were still in there, fighting with her. It meant that she was still alive.

''How's Emily?''

The quirky, teary technical analyst asked quietly, sniffling as her eyes set upon the woman who seemed now impossibly small sitting all by herself in the corner of the room. They all turned to look at her for a moment, the feeling of sorrow blanketing them all. No one had seen Emily Prentiss this broken before.

''I think she's one step away from falling apart.''

Reid whispered honestly, the emotion in his voice unmistakable. He didn't like his friends in this much pain, particularly the girls. They treated him with such an affection he had rarely experienced with girls, they looked after him, and Emily had become like a big sister to him. She teased him, sure, but she respected him and she goofed around with him. It was a different relationship than he had with the guys, and it was hard to explain. And everyone knew that it was JJ that was the true caretaker of Spencer Reid.

''She's refused to get checked out. She's refused to get cleaned up, or to eat or drink anything. I think she might still be in shock.''

Hotch assessed. He was telling Garcia this in the hopes that she could kick start Emily again. Hopefully the brunette would listen to her, because it was impossible for most people to listen to the Font of all Knowledge and Power! If she was going to respond to anyone it would most likely be Garcia now, and from the inflection in his voice and the look in his eyes, Hotch wanted that hope to get across to her.

Penelope looked at Emily as she sniffled, trying to calm herself down so she could be of use to the brunette. It made her stomach flip to see JJ's blood all over her; she could hardly believe all that had come from her best friend. The best friend that she was going to respect and take care of by respecting and taking care of Emily. Never in a million years would JJ let her get away with refusing treatment and sitting there no doubt blaming herself, so Garcia wasn't going to either.

Taking in a breath, Penelope ventured forward toward the motionless profiler. Emily didn't make any acknowledgement that she was being approached, didn't even blink as Garcia came to stand right beside her. Reaching out her hand, Garcia touched Emily gently as not to startle her too much.

''C'mon kitten, let's go get you checked out and cleaned up.''

The blonde more stated than suggested, her voice still soft but with a firmness behind it that signalled her resolve. Emily looked up, blinking at her blankly, obviously wondering when she had arrived. The confused died down after a couple of seconds when the brunette's eyes went back to that empty stare.

''No.''

''I'm afraid you don't have a choice, sweetness. I'm taking you downstairs, and then we're going to find somewhere for you to clean up and change. You're not doing anyone any good sitting out here like this. Don't make me tell our gorgeous girl that you were misbehaving and I had to spank you when she wakes up.''

There was absolutely no wiggle room in Garcia's voice, and despite her joke her tone was still that of a parent that was telling their child that they would do as they were told. She was leaving no room for Emily to object, because if she did then she would end up sitting out here like this for the rest of JJ's surgery. But Garcia could see the hesitation Emily was still feeling, so she crouched down in front of her.

''Jayj would rather you do this for her than sit there blaming yourself and covered in her blood. The only way you can let her down is by not taking care of yourself. You need to be strong for when she wakes up so you can take care of her.''

Penelope fixed Emily with a knowing gaze, both comforting, supportive and honest, showing her that she was hurting too and she understood the compulsion to just sit here and wait. But she also knew what she said was true, and ultimately it was Emily's undoing. With tears pooling in dark, exhausted eyes, Emily nodded as she tried to hold back the flood. Penelope stood up and then offered out her hand to the profiler, ignoring the dried blood as Emily took it and let herself be pulled up.

''If anything happens…''

''We'll contact you immediately.''

Rossi promised faithfully, nodding once affirmatively. Emily looked at her team members, her friends, and thought for a moment just how much had changed since she had started at the BAU. Hotch trusted her, she had become an almost sibling to Reid and Morgan, and despite their ups and downs, she and Garcia had bonded greatly. Emily wasn't exactly sure how Hotch and Rossi knew, but she could tell they did. JJ wouldn't have told them, she was sure of that, but then again these were two of the greatest profilers in the history of profiling. They spent so much time together that it probably would have been embarrassingly obvious to them. She didn't care about, what she cared about were the silent, strong looks of support, which she appreciated to no end.

''JJ's parents should be called.''

The brunette thought out of nowhere, frowning slightly as it popped into her head, wondering if anyone had called her family in Pennsylvania.

''I'll make the call.''

Hotch hadn't thought about contacting anyone, it was usually a given but he was so jarred, and this was so unexpected, that he didn't even think. He didn't even have any contact information with him for JJ, he'd have to call the office and have it sent to him. The blonde didn't talk much about her family, or about where she grew up, there seemed to be some kind of pain there that she had never really spoken about. Perhaps that was why he hadn't thought about calling.

''And um…you should call Delilah.''

Emily croaked out quietly, reluctantly. She didn't want her here, she truly didn't. They hadn't set eyes on one another since their little incident, and Emily knew that JJ's message last night had probably been an indication that she was going to tell her that she was going to leave the Baltimore Detective. But she hadn't. She had been shot before anything could happen, and after five years of relationship Emily reluctantly had to admit that Delilah deserved to be here. She was still JJ's girlfriend, and no matter how badly she had treated her she still loved her. It wasn't Delilah's fault, her behaviour wasn't purposefully designed to cage JJ in, she didn't seem to have a real idea that that's what she was doing.

''Emily…''

''Morgan, we all know that she should be here, no matter what's happened. She's been treated badly enough by us, she's still JJ's girlfriend, she needs to be told.''

The profiler cut off Morgan's objection, his unwillingness to bring Delilah here when she was here kind of heartening. In his eyes she and JJ were it, in his eyes he didn't see the point of bringing the cop here. It was sweet to have that kind of loyalty, which Morgan had handed over immediately. But they all knew that she was right. And she looked to Hotch to make sure it got done. He didn't say anything, but only nodded once in confirmation. After that, Emily let Garcia lead her away.


	16. Chapter 16

**Title:** Bloodsport  
**Author:** darkbardzero  
**Fandom:** Criminal Minds  
**Pairings:** Jennifer Jareau/Emily Prentiss  
**Ratings:** 18  
**Summary: **''Love is just a Bloodsport.''  
**Disclaimers:** All things Criminal Minds belong to people other than me. I just write stuff.  
**Author's Notes: **Well, this is something that was originally part of a drabble I wrote in the CM music challenge. Back then, I was nudged and encouraged by**Steppenwolf_20**to write it full length. So here it is! It's been in the works for quite a while due to various reasons, but it's on the tracks now.  
**Thank You: **To **Steppenwolf_20** for suggesting it, **Sofia_Lindsay** for not letting me give up on it early on, and **Heidimaggs22** for supporting me, batting ideas around, putting up with rants and waffles and for being my rock! Ta to**Heidimaggs22 **and **Sofia_Lindsay** for beta'ing.  
**A/N - **This hasn't been beta'd, the lovely Heidimaggs22 has been super super super busy :) I'm SO sorry for the gap between updates, I've been all sickly and illsome! Heidimaggs22 took very good care of me though, and force fed me medicine!

XXX

''This is taking too long.''

Morgan ceased his pacing only long enough to kick one of the empty chairs, forcing it to crash into the wall behind with an almost deafening clatter. One that made Reid jump in his own chair, not expecting the sudden racket. The two older profilers didn't flinch, their faces that of stone as they observed Morgan's explosion. The, what Garcia referred to so very often as her 'burning hunk of chocolate thunder', growled with impatience, his face, his dark eyes, laced with fury and pent up frustration that stemmed from his overwhelming concern. He panted slightly, putting his hands on the back of his head as he turned in a circle.

Morgan was a protector; he took it personally when anything happened to his team. He took the bond within this team seriously; he took the loyalty and the friendship seriously. His colleagues were like members of his own family; they were the people that he spent all his time with, the people he relied on, and the people that understood what happened out there and what they had to see.

''Why is there no update? It feels like she's been in there all day.''

It made his stomach flip to remember the ever graceful, ever dignified Jennifer Jareau sprawled on the deck of that house. It pissed him off that they hadn't heard anything since before her surgery. He wanted to know what was going on, he wanted some new hope to hang on to, and he wanted something substantial to tell JJ's parents and Emily when they got here.

''The more they can repair in one go the better.''

Hotch reminded him calmly.

''If it's taking this long to repair, just how much damage is there?''

The younger man squeaked back in a slightly challenging response. No news is good news was starting to turn a little sour, in his eyes.

''Morgan...''

''We were lucky with Penelope, how lucky are we gunna get this time with JJ?''

The profiler demanded, his voice more hurt and frantic than challenging. He was the only one that had dared to approach and voice what they were all trying to bury in the back of their heads. It was what they were all worried about; it niggled at them quietly, weighing down their hope.

Morgan looked at each of his colleagues in turn, not knowing whether he really expected them to actually answer or not. They didn't, no one could. He let out a shaky breath, letting himself slump into one of the chairs behind him, running his hands along his face as he listened to the silence of the waiting room. A silence that wasn't silent at all, it was a silence full of the words and feelings running through all of them.

That sinking silence was interrupted by the buzz of Hotch's cell phone, and everyone watched him as he scrolled through the message he just received. It was a rare day that the Unit Chief let a crack into his face of stone, but today, it had occurred plenty, and it happened right now again as he flinched.

''I have JJ's personal contacts. I'm going to go make some calls.''

XXX

''You did a good thing, earlier? You did a good thing telling Hotch to call Delilah.''

Penelope Garcia sat on one of the chairs in the area just outside of the shower cubicles that nurse Karen had shown them to after Emily had been fully checked out. The brunette had been scanned and injected and prodded and poked, all while teetering between being submissive and vulnerable or defiant and enraged. It had taken too long for Emily, her mind was still upstairs and Garcia had given up somewhat on trying to distract the profiler. What was the point? What could possibly distract Emily, or herself for that matter, what was happening up there?

''It was against my better judgement.''

Emily replied, voice floated through the steam and the noise of stream of water. A second later, the water was turned off.

''I think we both know that it wasn't, you're too classy for that.''

Garcia spoke with the evident respect in her tone. She was proud of Emily for making such a call, given how she felt about JJ and what had been going on. Whatever had happened, Emily knew that it couldn't end with Delilah being shut out by JJ's merry band of followers. Least of all by her. That's not how it was supposed to end, not exactly. Emily had won the war, neither she nor Delilah might have known it yet, but Garcia was sure that Emily had a feeling that she had. So she'd won already, there was no need for her to rub it in. It was over, and Emily would grit her teeth and bear Delilah's presence, because the Detective didn't know that she had lost yet, and that's something that only JJ could tell her. Emily could have been indulgent and gone the other way, but she was what Garcia had just said, far too classy for that.

There was no reply from the brunette, only sounds that indicated to Garcia that she was drying off and getting changed. Right now, all she had were the medical scrubs that Karen had been able to provide. Emily refused outright to go home and change, so Garcia planned on having someone go over to her apartment when JJ got out of surgery for the profiler. There was no way she was leaving this hospital, so the best she could do was make sure the mountain came to her.

''Emily, when I was shot, I remember hoping that all the people I cared about knew how I felt about them. I can't say what happens for others, but there's this process that your mind goes through. I'm not talking about the whole hallmark thing about reaching perfect clarity and seeing your life pass before your eyes, but it's something similar to that.''

Garcia looked up as Emily stepped out, her hair damp and now dressed in the hospital garments that had been provided. She looked at Garcia speculatively, wondering why she was telling her this, hoping that it wasn't a prelude to some sort of 'it's not your fault if she dies' speech.

''I have to hope for the best, because I've known JJ for a long time and I know how hard she can fight. I know what she has to live for, Em. I know because she told me, and I think right now, you need to hear it and she'd want you to know. She wants to be with you, Emily. JJ is so in love with you, so adoring of you, and so devoted to you. Her plan today was to tell Delilah everything; she wanted to end it with her so she could be with you. And I know she still wants that, she wants that future with you and that's what she'll be fighting for up there. She's fighting for you.''

Emily looked at her friend, frozen to the spot as she spoke, her tone getting more and more emotional until it was barely a cracked whisper, but so full of truth and power that it penetrated the numb wall that had developed around her. Emily felt the impact like she had been hit by a freight train, it was so powerful that it stalled her breathe for a moment, made her heartbeat echo in her ears. Her inkling and hope were nothing compared to hearing them out loud, to have it confirmed so positively. To not only know, but _feel _that JJ was fighting for her up there.

There had been so much uncertainty for so long, so much devastation and broken promises and missed chances. What she had become was distasteful; Emily wished that she could have done something other than drag JJ into something that could probably have been avoided. They would never truly know if they could have gotten to a point of realisation without having an affair. Neither of them had been strong enough to stop the other, it felt like the collision had been inevitable since the very second they had set eyes on one another. There had been a magnetic pull between them that day that had scared and confused them both, causing them to recoil. Emily in a state of shock that she felt so much so quickly for someone, and JJ in a state of denial that she could feel something so powerful for another woman, leading to the creeping feelings that she had always pushed down about her relationship with Delilah.

Emily didn't know if JJ had ever been in love with the younger woman, but she knew that she had loved her. She regretted that the Detective had become an unwitting victim of their feelings; she had never really had a chance to fight in a battle she hadn't known was happening. By the time she had, it was far too late. Still, she had tried, and never once had she suspected that JJ had done anything wrong, it had been Emily herself she had gone after. The profiler didn't know if that was because she trusted the blonde so greatly or because she had too much pride in herself to think that JJ would never, could never be tempted to stray.

Emily also wished that she could accept Garcia's assessment that she had gone about this in a classy way. She hadn't. The war had started the second she had seen Jennifer Jareau, she had declared it silently to herself that night. Nothing was going to stand in her way, and Emily had once thought that it was only a conquest that she was fighting for, but it never had been, it had always been life and future and love.

That was the reason she would never apologies for the outcome of this dirty battle, it was why she would never apologise to Delilah for securing those things. She would be humble enough to say that it was wrong to go about it in such a way, but Emily would never regret it.

''Thank you.''

The tears had pooled up into her eyes, her gratitude a hushed, cracked whisper.

XXX

''Detective Forrester?''

The voice on the other end of the phone seemed tinny, as though it floated from somewhere far, far away. It scratched and grated on her because right now she was blaming the messenger. Here she had been, waiting in this apartment, waiting for her lover to get home early for once. Despite their recent problems, Delilah had been looking forward to that. Her intention tonight had been to talk, to _really _talk like they had once used to. Memories of staying up all night with JJ just to talk floated through her mind, and they wrapped around her like a security blanket. So soft and sweet were the images they seemed to reach into the very essence of who they were together, causing goose bumps to run along her body. It was that essence that she was going to remind JJ of tonight, to confess her sins and apologise.

If there was one single outcome by the realisation that another woman was trying to steal her girlfriend, was just how much she didn't want to lose her. It was a realisation that indeed, as Emily had suggested; she had gotten far too complacent. The truth of that had been staring her in the face for a long time, but she had been too cocky to realise it. She should have seen it, at the very least, the night JJ had sang, but instead she had been too angry that JJ could apparently tell an all but stranger instead of her girlfriend of many years. Now she realised that JJ hadn't told her because she felt as though she couldn't, and Delilah knew that was her fault.

Things were going to be set right. Delilah had decided that if she hadn't gotten her transfer through within a month, she would quit. She didn't want to, but they had been waiting far too long. Their jobs were busy enough without this continual time and space gap between them, and the sooner they could close that, the more advantageous it would be to rekindling their relationship. So Delilah was willing to give up her badge if it meant she could be with JJ. She had also thought about making plans for a vacation, they hadn't been away together in so long, and a break might be just the setting they'd need to reconnect and discuss the things that were going wrong.

The Baltimore cop was also willing to look at herself, she was even considering therapy. She was possessive, controlling and dominating, and once upon a time those things hadn't interfered. As time had gone by, they had grown and contorted, making her unpalatable and sour. Untrusting, one could say. Part of it could have been connected with her work; part of it she knew could be connected with her upbringing. What she knew for sure was that it wasn't good for JJ, and it wasn't good for herself. What she had done in the bathroom was a prelude of what she could turn into, and she didn't want to be that person. When she thought about becoming that, of hurting JJ, it made her feel physically sick. Emily's reproachful eyes haunted her, and Delilah had to admit to herself that the profiler was right to look at her like that and feel threatened on behalf of the blonde.

All these things she had thought about intently as JJ had left for work this morning. She had been running, been to the store to get some ingredients and some beer for later. When she had been home, she had chosen some of JJ's carefully ordered music to play, realising that she had lost the little interest she'd had in it, therefore didn't know hardly anything about her lover's preferences. She knew now that she needed to take an active interest in JJ's interests, because JJ always had in hers. She had become complacent, but no more.

Now this? Now this tinny, scratchy voice full of authority and firmness, which were frail against the worry, the doubt and the sadness. From the little Delilah knew of Aaron Hotchner, she didn't believe him to be a man that often let his emotion seep through. However, in this call, it seemed to overwhelm him.

He was telling her the one thing that you never wanted to hear. He was making the dreaded phone call, the phone call that every cop, every Agent, every law enforcement Officer of any kind, in the world, prayed they never had to make. He was telling her that her girlfriend was not coming home today. He was telling her that instead her girlfriend was laying on an operating table, exposed, the graceful dignity that laced within her unique ways diminished. He was telling her that she may never get the opportunity to tell JJ, swear to JJ, that she was going to be a different woman for her.

''Delilah.''

The use of her first name snapped her back into reality, making her take in a quick, sharp and painful breath as she raised her phone with a shaky hand back to her ear. Her world had literally just cracked, moved beneath her like her own personal earthquake. She had never prepared for this phone call. She had been too flippant about JJ's role in the BAU, never truly recognising how deep it went, or how much danger she was also in. She had never truly given that credit to her amazingly talented girlfriend, not even when she had taken down an armed suspect with a hostage mere inches away through a glass door.

This was an incredibly rude awakening.

''I...where are you?''

''George Washington.''

Delilah swallowed hard, her body feeling weighted to the couch she had fallen heavily onto the moment the words ''JJ has been shot'' came out of Hotchner's mouth.

''I'm on my way.''

With that, the Detective snapped her phone shut, but her body did not move. For a moment, she was simply paralysed. For a moment, she was so overcome by grief and fear, that she didn't know how to stand. She didn't know how to breathe, JJ made her breathe.

The moment ended, however, as she forced her way through her paralyses to drag herself up onto her feet. If being a hard headed grunt had ever worked in her favour it was now. Her motivation, her sole objective right now, was to get to that hospital and be there for her girlfriend. She couldn't falter, couldn't flinch or waste time by sitting around feeling sorry for herself. JJ needed her right now, and she was determined to be there.

XXX

''Jennifer Jareau?''

Three sullen, forlorn profilers looked up instantly, Reid practically falling out of his chair in effort to stand up to meet the Doctor that was approaching them. Clearing his throat timidly, the young man tried to shake off his momentary embarrassment as Rossi and Morgan both gave him a look, before standing up themselves to move beside him. The redheaded Doctor slowed her approach to stand before them, gazing behind them briefly with a wondering look moving lightly across her eyes. She shook it off, however, blinking and looking back toward the three eagerly awaiting men.

''Jennifer is out of surgery…''

Kate began, not knowing why Emily wasn't with her colleagues, because it was obvious they were her colleagues, in the waiting room. However, she didn't have to wait long for her explanation.

''_Kate_!''

The surgeon turned at the now familiar anxious shout of her name, stalling in her would-be update instead to watch Emily practically charge up the hallway, a quirky looking blonde hot on her heels. It came as a relief to see that Emily had obviously been dragged off to receive medical assistance and to get showered, now changed out of the bloody clothes she had seen her in earlier. The profiler and the woman Kate astutely deemed to be the person that had managed to convince Emily to leave scurried in line to hear news of their fallen Agent.

''Emily, I was just telling your colleagues, Jennifer is out of surgery. She's been transferred to recovery, and from there she'll be moved to ICU…''

''Is she okay?''

''What's the extent of the damage?''

''Where there complications?''

''What's her prognosis?''

''When can we see her?''

The overwhelmed Doctor held up her hands, blinking slightly at the onslaught of questions that the group bombarded at her. They quietened down at her gesture, peering at her with desperate hope.

''Don't worry; I can answer all of your questions. Right now, Agent Jareau is in stable condition, she's not totally out of the woods yet, but her vitals are looking positive at this point. We completed her surgery successfully, transfused her with some blood and we're keeping a very close eye on her. She did very well in surgery, parts were touch and go but she kept bouncing back. She's heavily sedated right now; it'll be a few hours until she starts to come around, possibly morning.''

With the promising news, the group let out big sighs, feeling as though they had been holding their breath for the entire duration. Morgan slung his arm around Emily lightly, aware of her own injures, but squeezed her reassuringly, not being able to stop the relieved smirk from crossing his face. Rossi nodded, smiling that trademark smile as he rubbed his face, Reid comforting a teary but happy Garcia.

''What's the bad news, Kate?''

Emily broached, knowing that her friend hadn't finished yet. Again she noticed that Kate entered the conversation process with positives, leading with letting them know that JJ was alive and kicking still. There was a genuine encouraging tone to her voice, which made Emily hope more so than she usually would, but knew that it wasn't just going to be okay so easily.

''As I suspected, Jennifer's retroperitoneal space was compromised. I'm afraid that she sustained massive damage internally. We did the best we could, we controlled and stopped the bleeding once we opened her up, repaired a few blood vessels, but there is bad news. The bullet tore into her kidney, we attempted to contain the damage to recover it, but it was too far-gone, we had to remove it.''

Pausing, Kate took in the stunned faces of the group she was facing. Their optimism vanished in an instant, their hopefulness dropping to a heartbreaking despair.

''What…what does that mean? She'll be okay, right?''

Penelope managed to strangle out, her heart and stomach sinking, her poor little girl.

''Her body will have to adjust to having a single kidney, as well as the trauma she's sustained, but yes. Many people across the world live with one kidney, obviously the preference is to keep both, but she can lead a perfectly healthy life with just the one. We were concerned about the amount of blood loss she sustained, but with the repairs and the transfusion, she's beginning to pick up. Jennifer is incredibly healthy, and incredibly strong, her prognosis is extremely optimistic. Barring the removal of her kidney, there were no other significant complications, no damage that we didn't manage to get under control.''

''What about her leg?''

''Jennifer needed what we call an intramedullary rod to align and stabilise her fracture. The IM rod is inserted into the bone marrow canal of her femur. We were able to clean up the damage to the blood vessels in her leg and drain some collected blood, and we're very optimistic. The IM rod can remain in her leg indefinitely, unless she suffers any long lasting pain symptoms, in which case she'd require a surgery along the line to remove it. I'm afraid that in the immediate outlook, she will suffer quite a bit of pain. On the bright side however, the IM rod enables patients to gain use of the leg more quickly.''

The group blinked, obviously trying hard to take in all the details and assign the information to some logic in their heads. They were tired, scared and overwrought, it was why she had tried to keep everything reasonably simple and understandable, they didn't need to be laden down with some medical babble.

''Her overall prognosis is very good, we expect her to make a full recovery. The damage was significant, but it could have been a lot worse. Like I say, she's strong. When she comes out of it, expect some disorientation, she may not be awake for long, and she'll be in quite a bit of pain. She'll be administered morphine for pain control initially, but guys, this will be a painful recovery, and she'll need support, mentally, physically and emotionally. But once she gets over the hump, she can build her strength back up and there's no reason she won't return to a very active lifestyle.''

It always felt good to deliver the good news, to offer encouragement and hope and positivity. It could have gone the other way, anything could have gone wrong. Kate had seen patients who medically could have pulled through but just didn't, just let go. She had seen a lot of things in this job. Jennifer Jareau seemed to be a fighter, and they liked fighters around here. Obstinate was a way of life as far as she and her fellow surgeons were concerned. The more their patients attacked, the better their odds were.

Raising her hand, Kate gave Emily's shoulder a gentle squeeze as she smiled at her affectionately. This wasn't just opportunity to give good news, but she was able to look a woman she very much liked and respected in the eye and tell her that her world didn't have to crumble, not today. She could see the gratitude in Emily's eyes, sparkling and twinkling brightly with the surge of happiness that had emerged through those impossibly dark eyes of hers. The profiler moved forward, and Kate chuckled lightly as she accepted the bear hug she was offered.

''Thank you. Thank you _so _much.''

Emily whispered hoarsely, not knowing whether she could take much more of the emotional rollercoaster today. This no doubt being the best part of it at all, the part where gravity didn't quite have its strong grip over you as you plummeted downward, all the while knowing you were safe, just enjoying the ride. It felt like you were floating, the force pushing into you, making you laugh all the harder. That's how she felt right now, she felt like she was floating. It was actually a dizzying affect, and she felt lightheaded and even a little weak with the flush of heat and joy that surged through her.

''You're very welcome. I'll come back in a half hour and you can see her then, okay? One, maybe two at a time though.''

Emily nodded, sniffling as she pulled back, though reaching down to hold Kate's hand and squeeze it gently. Never in a million years had she expected that this would be in their future when she had set eyes on the stunning redhead in that bar. Kate had supposed to have been a one-night stand, a warm body between the sheets to make her forget that JJ had Delilah. Emily had never expected her to turn into her own little ray of light.

Kate had been her friend, her lover, her therapist, and now she was her miracle worker, the woman that saved not only JJ's life, but her own too.

''Is there anyone the hospital needs to contact? Family?''

Kate wondered softly, smiling and nodding at all the relieved thank yous that came her way.

''It's taken care of, thank you Dr.''

Rossi responded with a gracious, appreciative nod. Kate nodded back at him before looking back toward Emily. With another gentle squeeze, the Dr smiled before stepping back, leaving the group to their hugs and laughter. Today was a good day.

For Emily, it wasn't just hugs and laughter. It was a state that could only be described as a trance; she was removed almost, from the happenings around her. Relief was a severe understatement for what she felt right now. Never before had she known this level of elation, of pure, raw and sweeping solace. To be so totally devoid of anxiety or worry. It felt like nothing she had felt before, just overwhelming and thick and unyielding. Disorientating, it made her fumble backward, her body letting itself flop onto one of the nearby chairs with a huff.

The stunned, brunette profiler remained motionless as she tried to take in the enormity of both the understanding and the feeling of the knowledge that JJ was going to be fine. She felt small, in the grand sense of the world, her mind calculating the odds that it was this outcome that they had been delivered. If those bullets had had a different trajectory within her body, if JJ hadn't have had her vest on, if the kid had actually known how to shoot and aimed for her head. It wasn't worth thinking about, but in the span of a relatively short time, not one but two of their team had been on the brink of obscurity, only to be pulled back and returned to them. That was just something that Emily had no words for, but would forever hold dear.

The sight of JJ down like that, the rush of chaos getting her to the hospital, the waiting around for news, it had been soul crushing. Potentially soul destroying. The weight of it had been crushing her, squeezing her from the inside out. The good news of her prognosis seemed to have a strangely similar affect, in that it wrapped around her body and squeezed tightly, practically knocking the wind out of her. It made her head spin, because this was just something that couldn't be absorbed quick enough, and at the same time dawdled with its ultimate realisation. It needed process, a thinking moment, to _really _understand. To accept the gigantic concept, like the concept of time or space. To accept the enormity of the galaxy around them, the beauty of it, the space of their universe. Well, to Emily, Jennifer Jareau was all those things.

Her universe was safe, that was going to take some absorbing. It was going to take the tears that welled up in her now, to rack through her body. Like a ritualistic release, Emily just sat there and cried. Not in fear, not in pain, not in hurt, but in pure joy.

Emily Prentiss sobbed.

XXX

The mood was a lot lighter in the waiting room that the team had taken over. The buzz of the hospital didn't seem so oppressive now, the waiting game was over and their luck had come through once again. Whatever they had done to deserve another of their friends pulling through getting shot, they were mystified but happy about it, and vowed to continue whatever it was so they could keep luck in their favour.

Slowly but steadily, the conversation had picked up. Garcia had begun to tease Morgan again, with Reid joining in their banter, while Rossi and Hotch discussed here and there things. Emily talked a little, not quite being able to sit still as she waited now for the chance to go in and see JJ. Her eyes didn't stray from the hospital corridor for long, hoping that Kate would emerge soon to take her to see her lover. Her future.

The emotion had been drained out of her, now she felt tired but the kind that was comfortable and peaceful. Just knowing that the blonde was going to be safe, that the damage she had sustained could be managed and repaired. JJ would be forever altered, she'd lost an organ and would forever have a metal rod in her leg, but she would be safe at least. Emily would never forget the sacrifice that she had been prepared to make for her, and she knew that whatever it took, she would be there to help JJ throughout her recovery. Kate had said it would be painful, Emily could only assume that the younger woman had a rocky time ahead of her. Her body would have to adjust, would have to heal the best it could. Emily didn't know how JJ's body would make such a transition, she wasn't sure if there would be any sign anyone could notice that she only now had one kidney. Would that be painful? Or was Kate alluding more to the surgery and the overall trauma? Also, to the fact that JJ was no doubt going to need some sort of physiotherapy for her leg. It didn't matter, in whatever way Emily could help, then so be it.

The redheaded Doctor that the profiler had been so eagerly waiting for did emerge, but only briefly to note something down on a chart. Emily studied her friend carefully, noticing how she tensed up slightly, trying to act nonchalant as a light brunette approached the desk and stood next to her. They exchanged a few words, smiling warmly, even affectionately, until Kate excused herself and wondered off in the general direction that Emily thought they were keeping JJ. The light brunette still hovered at the desk, watching Kate go, biting her lip and sighing lightly. Emily knew that look.

Kate had saved the woman she loved today. The least Emily thought she could do was play a little game of cupid. Maybe it took an outsider to see it, or maybe it was ridiculously obvious to anyone but them, or maybe she had let herself use her profiling skills to pick it up. But this woman that Kate oh so adored, the one she thought didn't know of her existence in the romantic way, had the hots for her.

''Beautiful, isn't she?''

Emily asked nonchalantly as she sidled up beside the younger Doctor who had still been lost in dreamy eyed thought.

''Yeah, she is…I mean…I'm sorry, who are you?''

The lighter brunette squeaked, trying to regain herself from her unwitting admission. Turning around to look at Emily with a puzzled half glare, half embarrassment at being caught out, the younger woman lifted an eyebrow as she tried to look as though she hadn't just admitted she thought the redhead that had left only moments ago was beautiful. Emily simply smirked.

''My name is Emily Prentiss; I'm waiting for Jennifer Jareau to be transferred to ICU so I can see her. I'm also a friend of Kate's.''

Emily offered the lighter brunette her hand, it was the least she could do after tricking her like that. She was dying to see JJ, its pretty much all her mind could think about, but she owed the redhead and now seemed like a perfect opportunity to pay back her dues.

''Oh…sorry, you just startled me. I'm Joey Flynn. You're a friend of Kate's?''

Joey shook Emily's hand carefully, trying to size her up somehow.

''I'd probably be a lot more than that, if it weren't for two reasons.''

''Which are?''

Emily smirked, Joey was a smart girl, she had caught on to what she meant immediately.

''The blonde currently being taken to ICU and you.''

Joey blinked, trying to comprehend Emily's straight up answer. For such an intelligent understanding just a second ago, it was taking quite a bit of time for her to realise what Emily meant. It wasn't such an easy thing to comprehend though, the profiler knew that much. To realise that you stood a chance, that maybe, just maybe, your feelings weren't in vain and perhaps there was hope. It was a big thing, unpacking what had been carefully packed away.

''How did you know?''

The Dr finally asked, still grappling with what this new information meant. What this stranger had provided her.

''Kate might have missed the way you look at her, and you might have missed the way she looks at you, but I didn't. And hey, she saved the girl I love today, the least I could do was tell you that you should do more than look.''

The dark brunette smirked, shrugging her shoulders as she readily confessed her motives and the way she had deduced the obvious. They had probably been the last to know; Emily doubted they'd been stealthy enough to hide those longing looks around the people they worked with. Maybe some thought it was just friendship, but most wouldn't have bought that, not for long anyway.

''Agent Jareau has been taken to ICU; Kate just went to check on her to make sure she's stable enough for visitors. I'm sure you don't have to wait much longer.''

Joey informed the profiler warmly, the corners of her mouth still turned up, the excitement beginning to shine its way out of her. Emily nodded once in appreciation.

''Thank you.''

''No, thank _you_.''

The lighter brunette corrected, unable to say much of anything else. Her gratitude came over loud and clear, however, strong and silent and unmistakable. Maybe she couldn't verbalise her appreciation but Emily understood it anyway. It felt good to be able to do something for her friend, and obviously the feelings that Kate had often related to her about Joey, Joey herself had been feeling the same ones. The wall between them must have seemed a lot thinner now, and although Kate had no idea about that, at least Joey did, and it only took one to strike the spark.

''Emily…hey, umm, I just checked on Jennifer. I can take you in now if you want.''

Kate seemed somewhat perturbed to find Emily and Joey talking as she walked around the corner from the adjoining hallway, immediately suspicious of what they were talking about. Emily was a profiler, after all, the redhead doubted that it would have taken much for her to realise that Joey was her Jennifer.

''Just me?''

Emily asked, standing up straight and moving toward her friend.

''I can take you in pairs. She's still weak, so it'll have to be two at a time for now.''

Emily nodded, biting her lip lightly but not moving forward, or moving at all actually. She froze. Stalled in place as she frowned lightly and thoughtfully. Was it odd, to feel this nervous so suddenly and going into a room to see the woman who had stood in front of a gun for you? JJ had saved her life; there was no two ways about that. Emily couldn't describe the gratitude in her chest about that, it bound itself to her, like the fear had bound itself to her when it had happened.

But what had also sneaked into her was the feeling of guilt and remorse, of blame. JJ had gotten hurt for her; she would be forever altered, for her. All that damage and all that pain was on her, because some kid had wanted to get revenge for his Father. The one that would have killed her if she hadn't have killed him first. It had been a mixture between training and survival instinct, the implicit knowledge that if she didn't get her gun and make a solid shot, she'd die. Up until now, Emily hadn't really analysed that side of the events too closely. She had been way too focused on JJ to acknowledge that she had killed someone today, the butterfly effect of which lead to JJ almost being killed.

What if the blonde woke up and decided that it hadn't been worth it? That she hadn't been worth it? It was a confliction of feeling, the profiler knew. One half of her wanted to be worth that kind of sacrifice for, whilst the other condemned herself for being. She related to the condemning side of her more, she had after all, never been so much to someone else that they were prepared to die for her. It was…startling, to say the least. It was certainly a feeling, a vibe, that was inexplicable. Was she selfish for liking it? Was it arrogant? Or was it okay, because she never expected, never wanted, JJ to do that for her, but knowing she would, had, made her feel special. It made her feel worth something.

So what if JJ woke up with a degree of clarity? Emily's worst fear when it came to relationships was rejection, that was the long and short of it. She didn't know what to do with rejection, she had felt much of that growing up and it had lead her to be distrustful and weary of anyone wanting to get too close. She also grappled with the feeling of abandonment, something else that went straight back to her upbringing. Maybe she was just a scared little girl sat in a fortress of her own making, anyone daring to approach killed by the soldiers of insecurity.

Not Jennifer though, somehow JJ had managed to battle her way through to get inside. Somehow she had knocked down her walls, killed her soldiers, and stripped away those isolated places that Emily had used to hide. But look at what it had cost her. Look at what decision she had made out in the field, choosing to do such a potentially fatal act. Emily wondered if that was any kind of worth it, as she worried if JJ herself would think that.

God she needed a shrink.

Emily felt a warmth in her hand as another took hold of it, tangling their fingers and giving her a gentle squeeze. Blinking, the brunette looked vaguely to her left, her eyes straight away meeting those of Penelope Garcia, friend extraordinaire, who smiled softly and lovingly. The computer whiz seemed to understand without a word being said Emily's nervousness, her pause, her hesitation. The profiler was glad that someone did, and she was glad that she had Garcia to rely on right now. In fact, she was glad she'd had Garcia to take care of her today, because she wouldn't have taken care of herself, and the boys had been too scared of her to totally take charge and make her do it. Garcia and JJ were scarily alike in that respect.

''Let's go see our girl.''

The quirky blonde whispered encouragingly, knowing that Emily needed a little to get her moving again. Whatever was going on in that head of hers, on which Garcia had a few theories, she could help her with by just being there to let her know she wasn't alone. It was one thing to be told that JJ was going to be okay, but it was quite another to see it. Sometimes that relief could be crushing. Also, Garcia knew that it was one thing to hear that JJ was going to take the steps she needed to start a relationship with her, but it was quite another to have to wait, again, until that happened. Also, for Emily, she had been waiting on that line not knowing whether JJ was going to join her or not, she had prepared to be ready, it was always different when you had to step forward across that line.

The two friends followed Kate, still awash with nervousness, also with excitement and all that emotion that was still rushing through them, draining slowly. Emily kept a tight hold of Garcia's hand as though she was a kid, scared of getting lost. Really, the more she thought about it the more she thought she was just a terrified little girl, battling life with a badge and a gun because she didn't want anyone to see how small she felt. It was a front, sometimes. Emily would do what she had to do, get done what she had to get done, and face off with the most hardened killers because it was the only way she knew how to balance it all out.

''Wait…''

Emily hesitated again, stalling just outside of a room which appeared to be JJ's, just next to the nurses station.

''Tell me what we should expect.''

Kate nodded softly; ready and willing to give her friend anything she needed to be able to step through this door. It was something that a lot of people asked; it was something a lot of people found hard.

''Well, she's heavily sedated, she won't be able to make any acknowledgement that she knows your in the room. Some people believe otherwise, but these drugs, they're very potent. JJ is still weak, she's been through an incredible amount of shock, she's still recovering from the trauma and the surgery, so she may look a little different. There are also wires and monitors surrounding her. Don't worry about these things too much, she'll start picking up in time and the machines are helping us help her. She's stable and barring any other complication, out of danger. This is the first step of recovery.''

Swallowing hard, the brunette nodded once in understanding. Her breathing had become shallower and sharp, as though she had just had a fright or had been exercising. It was the nerves, of course, the worry and the impending emotions she knew she would feel upon seeing JJ in her current state. A state that she didn't deserve to be in, that Emily had hoped and prayed she'd never have to see her in. It seemed that lately, the most innocent of their team were the one's being hurt so very badly. Reid was tortured; Garcia was shot, and now JJ. The three that seemed to be the functioning heart, the sweetness in such sour surroundings. Not that anyone else would be more deserving of anything horrific happening, Emily certainly didn't think that.

Another squeeze came from Garcia has Kate opened the door, stepping through first and holding it open for them to follow. Emily took short, shuffling steps at first, held back by nerves, but once the atmosphere caught up with her, the beeping of monitors, the smell of everything medical, the sight of metal railings and machines and hospital blankets, her stride widened out. Switching from nervous to a demanding need, it seemed, to see JJ.

''Oh god…''

Emily barely recognised the strangled out, cracked utterance as her own voice, momentarily dazed, shell-shocked, from what she saw. It was a battering ram, one that was so forceful and powerful, that it stole her breath and ripped through her. Dissolving her of being for a moment, her stomach churning violently, skin tingling into numbness, though trembling lightly, her hands in particular. Shakily they moved up to cover her mouth, her tears stinging her eyes as they overfilled them, slipping out and down her cheeks. It didn't matter how small and vulnerable she appeared now, nothing mattered.

JJ was motionless, and if Emily hadn't have known any better, she would have thought lifelessness. Her body was laid out on the bed limply, it seemed contorted it was so vastly different from any other time Emily had seen her lying down. Gone was the smoothness of her skin, the honeycomb tone, the glowing warmth. Replaced by a pasty, ghastly tone of pale white and coldness. It looked as though the life had just been sucked and drained right out of her, leaving an empty carcass. Even her hair was dull and limp and lifeless. It was so repugnant, so offensive to the former version of Jennifer Jareau. Emily had never known it was possible for her to look like this.

There were machines surrounding her, connecting to her with wires and pads, collecting data from her as though she were a machine. As though she was something other than human. As though she was something other than the entire world. It was outrageous, it was wrong. The surge of anger Emily felt was overwhelming, because her head briefly short circuited, forgetting that these things were there to help her, instead momentarily outraged that it didn't seem to be understood that this girl was the most important thing in the universe to her?

It took a series of steadying breathes, and the hands of both Garcia and Kate on each shoulder as she staggered from the dizzying rush, to begin to think clearly again. Or, clearly enough anyway. The waves of emotion didn't cease, they kept rushing at her as she stepped forward, closer and closer to JJ's bed until she was beside it, looking down on the fragile blonde. It broke Emily's heart to see her like this, as if by one strong push the woman was going to break into pieces.

Emily shakily reached out her hand, holding her breath as she tried to get control enough not to make any jerky movements as she let her fingers glide down the side of the blonde's face. Her skin was cool, a little warmer than she had expected at least, but not radiating with the warmth she was used to. Her skin was still smooth, however, it was still soft and silky to touch. Her lips were dry, the same pasty colour as her skin, her jaw open just a fraction. Despite some of the differences, it was good to be able to touch JJ; good to be able to see and touch for herself that she was still right here. Different, but still JJ.

Still holding onto her breath as best she could, Emily leant forward, moving down to place a delicate, soft and loving kiss on the younger woman's forehead. Her lips lingered on the cool skin, some of Emily's tears dropping onto JJ gently. The profiler hoped that Kate was wrong about her not being able to know she was here, though she knew the drugs probably saw to it that JJ wasn't aware of anything whatsoever. She at least deserved some time in total oblivion, in total deep restful peace. The road to complete recovery would be difficult for JJ. She was active, she was independent and strong. Emily didn't know how she would react to not being able to do things for herself for a while.

The reason JJ was so healthy and strong was because of who she was, and how she conducted herself. The way she trained, the time she took to look after herself, even when they were out in the field. She wanted to be at the top of her game, and that was certainly going to be an adjustment. She would have to learn how to be looked after, how to recover properly, how to take care of her surgical scars, how to walk again even. So right now, it was a good thing that she was under so deeply. Drifting in sweet oblivion, the calm before the storm.

''What did you do?''

Emily whispered faintly, so faintly she didn't think anyone could actually hear her. Pulling back to stand straight again, the brunette let her fingers explore JJ's face again, before trailing them along her shoulder, down her arm, until she reached her hand which she took into her own.

Grief was probably the most overriding emotion right now. It was a grief for the loss that JJ had suffered, on her behalf.

''God JJ, what the hell did you do?''

XXX

''So, how long has…_this_…been going on?''

David Rossi was an astute man; he liked to think so anyway. He didn't know the colleagues around him as well as he could right now, he was learning. They were intelligent, creative, independent and somewhat secretive about personal issues. They all intrigued him; each had an interesting path on which they had travelled thus far. Leading each one into this dangerous, sombre, horrific and dark line of work. A work that was nightmarish rather than noble, ruining and damning, rather than romantic and brave. It took a brave soul to do it, sure, but it also took a burdened soul, a slightly broken soul. No other soul could look at what they had to look at everyday.

It was where the bond came from, he believed. It was a shared bond, in existence because of what they did together. They studied the worst of human kind, and they often mused just how close a killing partnership, more rarely a killing team, had to be. They were the most significant example of that kind of soul being bonded together as though they were blood. Because they were the same people, they had to be to understand. This was a pack, pure and simple. Devoted and loyal to a fault, willing to die for each other, as exampled today. They were willing to kill for each other, as exampled most recently by Agent Jareau, but there were many examples.

It was an unnatural natural bond, an unnatural natural collective. They didn't have to know absolutely everything about each other, because they knew each other, they existed on this level together.

So it stood out, the connection between JJ and Prentiss. It had been so noticeable that Rossi felt like he had almost walked into it, as though it were a physical object. It was also obvious that the team knew, but no one said anything about it.

''What?''

Morgan grunted, barely looking up from his phone. They were all eager to see JJ too when the time was right, but all felt comfortable enough knowing that Emily and Garcia had gone in there. In their wake, an almost sleepy lull had drifted into the waiting room. They didn't need to move, there was no pressing case like last time, they didn't have to catch anyone for doing this to JJ, he was already in custody.

''This thing between JJ and Emily.''

Rossi replied more explicitly this time. He, nor any of the other three men, noticed Delilah hovering by the entrance.

The police Detective had been stuck behind an accident, unable to push her way through any quicker than she had made it. Which of course, had left her in a foul, desperately anxious mood. Finally getting to the hospital, she had made her way up here as quickly as humanly possible, relieved as she had turned down the corridor that a helpful nurse had pointed her down. That was, until she had heard Rossi's voice. She wouldn't have even stopped though, if not for the mentioning of JJ's name, particularly when in the same sentence as Emily's and in that suspicious context. So instead of turning the corner into the waiting room completely, she stalled, heart pounding as she hovered silently, just out of sight.

As Reid, Morgan and Hotch looked between each other uncertainly, each unwilling to break the silence first, Rossi sighed and rolled his eyes.

''Oh come on, you don't think I've noticed? All these looks they have, and the touches? It's like their own little language. Not to mention the particularly obvious clothes swapping. I know already, I'm just asking for a definition and a history.''

Of course he knew, he had eyes. Sighing, Morgan flipped his phone shut and looked across at the older man.

''There is no definition, at least not yet. Things just…happened.''

Rossi lifted an eyebrow.

''_Happened_? You mean they've been having an affair.''

It wasn't a question so much as a statement, to which Morgan nodded in confirmation. He glanced between Reid and Hotch, both of whom looked somewhat uncomfortable.

''You don't actively chose to stand in front of a gun as though you're a human shield like that because you're sleeping with the intended victim. It's more than an affair.''

''Hey! Don't say it as though JJ made a stupid choice putting herself between Emily and that gun like that.''

Morgan snapped irritably, becoming offensive as he interpreted Rossi's words as mocking JJ's choice. If not for that, Emily would probably be dead right now. Morgan knew why the blonde had done it, besides the fact that she loved Emily, but because she had the greater chance with the vest.

''I wasn't, Morgan, I get it. I do, I'm just saying, it seems more than an affair to me.''

Hotch cleared his throat, sitting up slightly as he took a breathe in to weigh in on the conversation.

''The thing about Jennifer Jareau, Dave, is that she would have made the same decision whether it had been Emily at stake or not. Her personal feelings may have factored in, but she's extremely protective and her calculation would have been the chances of survival with and without the vest. Yes, she might have done it anyway because it was Emily, and you're right, it's not because this is 'just' an affair. It's the real thing, and today JJ made her choice.''

Aaron Hotchner was not a particularly trusting man. He could probably count on his hands just how many people he truly trusted. His brother, his son, and his team, that was the entire list. Sometimes he trusted them more than he trusted himself. He trusted every one of his colleagues, his friends, with his life. And it was days like today that really highlighted why.

''An affair…really…''

An affair, of course. It seemed so obvious, so ridiculously fucking obvious. It made sense, in a weird, twisted way. Both surprising, and not in the same breath.

''Delilah…''

Reid was the first one to react, watching the Baltimore cop almost slump around the corner, the shock reeling in her eyes, the immediate betrayal and whiplash of pain. He had never seen anyone look quite so empty. Only Emily.

''Don't, please. You all seem to know a lot more than me, don't insult me by pretending now.''

All those things, all those things that they had ever done together, ever planned together, were gone. They were sabotaged, betrayed…destroyed. All those things that she had planned on doing and being for JJ, all those changes and promises, they were always in vain. It was truly embarrassing, Delilah could only imagine what she would have felt confessing it all to JJ only to be rejected like that. It was like a slap in the face, or worse, a ripping out of her heart. That's what it felt like; her chest throbbed in pain, lungs burning in treachery and rage.

All the times that they had laughed together, all those times she had held JJ close at night just watching her or listening to her breathe, all the times they had confided in each other, all the times they had made love, gone off on some crazy late night adventure…it was all void. It was all a mockery. It was a fucking joke. The one person she had trusted most in the world, the one she had least expected and betrayed her the worst. Literally stabbed her in the back in a vicious sneak attack.

Not only had JJ destroyed their life, not only had she ripped out her heart and stuck a blade in her back, she had spat in her face by taking her actions and using them for Emily. Delilah had scarified for her, bled for her, been willing to give up her life for her. And once upon a time that had meant something to JJ. It had caused her nightmares, it had caused her tears and love and loyalty. It had been her blood that had sealed that, how could she just toss it aside like this? Had she been gunning for humiliation too? Because it was a cruel and unusual sport to take someone's example of love like that, and give it to someone else in the same way.

And these people…these people just sitting here and discussing it like its nothing? These people that she had spent time with, laughed with and made an effort to get to know. These people who she had been concerned about upon reports from the field, in whatever State they had found themselves in. Just talking about her like she didn't even matter, like she didn't exist. She thought they had been at least friendly toward her, she wasn't part of their club but she was JJ's girlfriend, for christ sake. All she had ever done was love her, what was so wrong with that?

''Where is she?''

The destroyed, humiliated brunette demanded through gritted teeth, forcing the tears back out of her eyes because she refused to be the pitiful betrayed girlfriend who broke down in front of these people. People that had sat idly by and let this happen without so much as a word of warning to her.

''She umm…she's in the ICU. They'll only let us in in pairs.''

It was the youngest of them that dared to answer the Detective, his voice timid and soft and entirely apologetic and guilty. He had meant to be informative, however, his statement only served to cause more damage. Delilah narrowed her eyes, scanning the room quickly before a look of realisation hit upon her. The realisation that there were two people missing from these seats, and one of them was Emily.

There was no way, no way; she was letting that bitch anywhere near JJ after what she just heard. It had been Emily that she had assumed who was the threat. The serpent waiting for its chance to strike. Never had she thought JJ would be a willing participant, a willing pray. Still, they were still technically in this relationship and Delilah was intent on recovering what dignity that she could while she could. Emily Prentiss had caused all of this; there was no way she was going to rub it in her face by being by JJ's bedside.

''Tell me where Jennifer Jareau is.''

Delilah disposed of the pleasantries, only being able to think of one thing, getting to JJ's room and kicking Prentiss out of it. Flashing her badge at a stunned nurse, she used her best death glare to intimidate the woman, who cluttered around the desk for a moment before finding what she needed.

''Room 5…but you can't go in there.''

''The hell I can't.''

There was a flurry of movement as Delilah pushed herself off of the desk, marching in the direction of the signposted room. The nurse trailed her, hot on her heels with objections that she couldn't go back there unattended, that she couldn't go into the room without permission, that there were already two people in there. It was all lost on her, just echoes in her head. She just didn't care. So many people were already involved in this, an embarrassing amount of people. The only person that should have been in that room right now was her; it was her right for crying out loud, not only as JJ's girlfriend, but as her betrayed.

''What the hell…''

It was Kate that reacted to the door slamming open purposefully, frowning angrily as she set eyes upon the stranger that had barged in without so much as knocking.

''I'm sorry Dr Walker, I couldn't stop her.''

''_Get out_!''

One brunette bellowed at another with a dangerous growl to her voice, unquestionably worse than the day that she had attacked Emily at the club. The profiler was still by JJ's bed, holding her hand, stroking through her hair, just watching her. Kate had been stood at a respectful distance, while Garcia had been stood at the other side of JJ's bed, also holding her hand. She had jumped and squeaked at the sudden noise and disturbance that Delilah had caused, and paled as she realised it was her. There was no room for jumping to conclusions; the look in the young woman's face said it all. She knew.

''Maria call security, right now.''

Kate ordered the nurse in a quiet calm that spoke of her own anger at having her patients room being disturbed, thus leading to the disturbance of her patient. There was a reason they limited the contact for the patients in ICU, they weren't ready for the outside world to come crashing down on them.

''Don't bother, this bitch is leaving. Right?''

It wasn't a question; it was a ground out order toward the so far silent Emily. Delilah hadn't taken her eyes off of the profiler, nor the profiler off the cop. It was a mutual understanding that they were now both aware of what had trespassed between her and JJ. And Delilah was shooting out the rules of the 'code' through her stare, trying to protect the desolation she felt with a fierce anger.

Suddenly, Emily was hit with a wave of empathy for Delilah. The actual realisation of what she had done catching up with her, helping to destroy someone else's world. Just because she refused to regret, didn't mean she failed to understand the pain she had inflicted. And just like her, Delilah was just a little girl, shouting at the world from her fortress with a badge and a gun. They were the same, in that respect. Their common saviour? Jennifer Jareau.

What was indeed not common between them, was JJ's campaign to break into those fortresses. In Delilah's case, it had been blind loyalty because blood had been spilled. It had been obligation disguised as love, fear of losing someone else. JJ hadn't charged at the fortress, hadn't battled with the soldiers or knocked down the walls. She had given herself over because she convinced herself she had to. In Emily's case, she had battled, and she had sacrificed not out of obligation but out of love.

And that was the understanding that was now flowing between them, that was what made this betrayal all the worse for Delilah. And that was why Emily stood up, willing just this once to default to the broken hearted Detective. It was all over; Emily knew that Delilah at least deserved this time with JJ to gather up the broken pieces and build a casket for her tears, to build a coffin for her heart because she was now in mourning.

''Emily, you don't have to…''

Garcia objected lightly, flinching at the glare that Delilah turned on her. Out of every one of JJ's friends, it was Garcia that Delilah was most hurt over. It was Garcia that she most expected to have told her the truth, to not support JJ's choices, to not side with Emily.

''It's okay Penelope.''

Nodding, Garcia quickly followed Emily after she rushed around JJ's bed, aiming for the door. The look that passed between profiler and cop could only be described as an icy, predatory look, as Emily walked passed her and out into the corridor. Delilah promptly shut the door behind them.

''Who are you?''

Kate demanded quietly, now angered for her friend as well as her patient. She watched as Delilah moved over to look down at JJ.

''What did you do Jenny?''

The Detective scratched out, still trying to fight the tears that threatened to break at any second. Her shoulders sagged as she held onto the railing for a moment taking deep breathes to try and put off the inevitable. She had been betrayed, yet she still fucking cared about the condition of the blonde. The girl she had thought was an angel, who only turned out to be anything but. After a couple of moments, the brunette turned to look at the Doctor that hovered behind her uncertainly.

''I'm Detective Delilah Forrester. I'm Jenny's girlfriend. Tell me everything I need to know.''

Kate had a feeling that this was the 'someone else' that Emily had talked about. The other half of JJ's that had spent the past five and some years with her. Obviously, something had happened to make Delilah aware of just what had been going on, of course that was always going to happen. This kind of secret could never be kept forever. She did feel for her, no one should have to go through it, Kate didn't know Delilah nor did she know the ins and outs of her relationship with JJ. What she did know, was how deeply Emily felt for the blonde, and from the sound of it from conversation, how much JJ felt back. She had stood in front of bullets and even for the bravest and noblest of people, that was no easy feat. What Kate could see in Delilah's eyes now, was the hopelessness of being able to fight against that kind of feeling.

''Fine, but I don't care who you are, you ever make that kind of disturbance again, I will have you removed, is that understood Detective? You could have potentially compromised my patient, and I'll do whatever it takes to stop that from happening.''

Her sympathy aside, her loyalty right now was to JJ.

''I understand, I'm sorry. No more outbursts.''

Delilah promised weakly, signalling that she had been ground down enough now not to be able to manage one.

It was difficult to decide who had been damaged more right now, the Detective or the Agent.


	17. Chapter 17

**Title:** Bloodsport  
**Author:** darkbardzero  
**Fandom:** Criminal Minds  
**Pairings:** Jennifer Jareau/Emily Prentiss  
**Ratings:** 18  
**Summary: **''Love is just a Bloodsport.''  
**Disclaimers:** All things Criminal Minds belong to people other than me. I just write stuff.  
**Author's Notes: **Well, this is something that was originally part of a drabble I wrote in the CM music challenge. Back then, I was nudged and encouraged by**Steppenwolf_20**to write it full length. So here it is! It's been in the works for quite a while due to various reasons, but it's on the tracks now.  
**Thank You: **To **Steppenwolf_20** for suggesting it, **Sofia_Lindsay** for not letting me give up on it early on, and **Heidimaggs22** for supporting me, batting ideas around, putting up with rants and waffles and for being my rock! Ta to**Heidimaggs22 **and**Sofia_Lindsay** for beta'ing.  
**A/N - **This hasn't been beta'd, the lovely Heidimaggs22 has been super super super busy :) **I'm so sorry for the gap between the update, with illness/holidays/travelling/everything else in life, I couldn't get around to it :(**

XXX

The halls of the hospital had quietened even more so than they had been during the day as the evening began to set in. Exhausted, the team had begun to make their stage exits, there was no way that anyone was going to be allowed into JJ's room with Delilah in there, there was nothing more they could do now. They would just have to wait; safe in the knowledge that JJ was stable and would make a full recovery. However, there had been a promise exchanged between the hospital and Hotch for him to be contacted if her condition changed. With that, the Unit Chief along with the three other male profilers left to go home and get some rest.

Unsurprisingly, Emily refused to leave. Content to remain in the waiting room, adamant that she would remain there until JJ woke up, fearing if she left something would change. They had tried to convince her to go home, Garcia had tried, Kate had even tried, but Emily wasn't moving from this spot. JJ's family were still on their way, probably almost here, and Kate had said that the blonde may awaken during the night or sometime during the morning. She definitely didn't want to miss that.

JJ had saved her life; there was no way she was leaving her here now. She'd wait for as long as she had to, all insecurities aside, all worries and anxieties aside, she loved Jennifer. How could she leave her here all alone, knowing that she'd want her here? Knowing that under different circumstances, they'd probably be together right now.

''Em?''

Emily blinked, looking up tiredly at the soft voice that broke the quiet lull. The brunette frowned slightly as she looked up at Penelope, wondering what she was doing back at the hospital. The blonde had been all ready and willing to stay here with her, to be a watchdog alongside her, but Emily had managed to convince her to go and get some rest too.

''Hey, what're you doing back here?''

Garcia smiled, slipping a familiar looking rucksack that had been slung over her shoulder, and wafting a paper take out bag in front of her.

''Well, considering you won't leave your post, I brought you some essentials. Food, clothes, entertainment…''

The computer analyst explained pleasantly, setting the bag down on a small square table behind Emily's tiny two-seater sofa she had chosen to settle on. The brunette eyed up the rucksack though, staring at it for a moment before arching an increasingly disturbed eyebrow.

''Is that mine?''

The profiler squeaked, becoming quite suspicious. How the hell had Garcia gotten her bag? It had been at home…in her closet…

''Yes, my lovely, I let myself into your apartment. Don't worry, you still have a couple of secrets, I didn't find your fanciest underwear…_yet_.''

There was that mischievous, pixie like quality shining through Garcia as she grinned cheekily, voice full of promise that the moment she had chance to snoop again she was going to.

''You have a key to my apartment?''

Emily squeaked in a disturbed horror. How the hell did Garcia get a key to her apartment? She had never given anyone a key, not even her goddamn Mother. Jesus, if she died in there the super would have to unlock it or some beefcake like Morgan would have to take an axe to the door. The one person she intended on giving her extra key to, the one that had supposedly been collecting dust on top of a shelf somewhere, was JJ when she got back on her feet, and they had gotten going with their own relationship. It was a big step for her to take; giving out keys to her personal space was just not in her nature.

''Indeed, ma chére, my superpowers are unparalleled. Take out Thai in the bag, because you need to eat. From home, some clothes, snacks, your iPod and some toiletries. If you're going to stay, you may as well be comfortable.''

Emily still gaped at her friend, still alarmed that she somehow had a key to her place, although not actually overly surprised. However, despite that, she was incredibly grateful that Garcia had gone to such trouble to make sure she was comfortable, and evidently, well fed. Picking up the bag, Emily began to realise just how hungry she was, and the delicious smells were highly appetising. She probably couldn't resist even if her appetite was still smothered by emotion. But of course, that's what Garcia had intended. There were a couple of drinks in there too, thankfully. The brunette was glad to hear that she could get out of these scrubs too, spending the night in the waiting room was already not going to be an entirely pleasant experience, but doing it in scrubs meant it was probably going to be cold, too. Clothes and a little blanket would come in fantastically handy. Toiletries meant she could freshen up, and music would help make the time go by.

''I also went by our lovely Miss Jayj's place, picked up some essentials she may want or need when she comes around. I found something with your name on it; I think it's a book.''

Emily lost interest in the take out bag all of a sudden, and plopped it back down onto the table. Instead, her attention focused on the other bag that Garcia had been carrying. Reaching forward, she picked it up to put on her knee, unzipping the back and picking up the book that had been placed carefully on top. It was wrapped in brown paper, like a package of old. Emily let her fingertips skim down it, hesitating briefly to look back up at her friend.

''Should I open it?''

The blonde shrugged lightly.

''That's your call sweetness, it just caught my attention.''

Emily turned the wrapped book over, looking at the familiar sight of JJ's neat writing on a piece of white card that was stuck to the paper.

_A token of my appreciation to the woman I love. I have never felt so understood; I have never felt so seen, as you make me feel. With all my heart, I choose you. And just as you know me, I know you._

_Yours forever more,_

_Jennifer_

The sentiment, the intent, the choice that JJ had already made before she had ever decided to step in front of that gun was right here, written elegantly on this card. Whispering promises and future, whispering love and devotion. The return of understanding, and a willing want to be together. Whatever book that waited inside the paper would be personal to her, Emily could already tell that. But whatever it was, it was nothing compared to those short, sweet sentences that her eyes wouldn't stop rereading.

The words that swept through her, abolishing every fear that had built up inside.

''Why did I run so hard, Penelope? All this time…we could have had something special.''

Emily let her thumb trace over JJ's words gently, eyes still fixated on them. Confronted with those words, Emily was truly at a loss of why she had waited so long, why she had been so scared.

''You do have something special, my love. Love is complicated, matters of the heart…well, even for someone as enlightened as you are not always understandable or easy. Closing off is easy, love is hard.''

Love meant you had to step into the light, love meant you had to open yourself fully to someone else. Love meant that every vulnerability, every mistake, every fault and every imperfection had to be put on display, had to be accepted by the other. Every demon had to emerge, and the darkness inside had to be exposed. The insecurity of Emily's soul had to be not only visible, but offered up to JJ, speaking of all those lonely, empty childhood rooms, the desperate need to feel warmth and love. The biting hurt of parental rejection, disappointment and abandonment. The what could only be described as the superficial being of her existence. Coordinated and shrewdly designed not out of anything but politics and advancement.

It was this that spurred her hatred of politics. The true reason for her conception, the true reason for her isolation, the true reason for her being dragged across the world. Why she had rebelled, why she had pushed, why she had convinced herself that she would never be good enough, never be clever enough, never be worthy or deserving enough. She had never been conceived in love, the blood inside never truly meant anything, and she had pushed away any real chance of love and happiness because of it.

No one had ever vowed to love her forever, no one had vowed to bleed for her, no one had vowed to die to protect her. No one had ever understood how her fortress had been constructed, or understood what weapons it would take to dismantle it and slay the soldiers and the monsters inside.

Emily had never really understood how deeply JJ had understood until right now. Not only had she saved her life in the physical, she had saved her life, her soul, in the emotional. Without Jennifer Jareau, Emily would have happily killed herself by letting herself die inside.

XXX

Jennifer had always considered herself the runt of the litter, the least favoured amongst her siblings. She had come to believe, perhaps been lead to believe, that her differences were a causal effect, were bad. Taken on board the blame for things that were never her fault, never to be truly challenged. Never to feel truly understood by her family.

It just simply wasn't true. And as a Mother, Constance Jareau knew she had failed her daughter by letting these misunderstandings go on for so many years. It should have been corrected the very day that Tarrin had left the world. She had been too grief stricken to really understand that Jennifer had been so deeply affected, had taken the blood on her hands to a literal definition of that she was to blame.

No one had ever told JJ that she was just a kid, no one expected her to understand what her sister was going through, let alone save her. Tarrin had never felt unloved, it was never about that. It had taken Connie a lot of time and effort to come to believe and understand that, thinking that maybe Jennifer had too during her plight to move on. She had worked so hard to leave, just as Tarrin had.

Connie had always known that she was meant for great things, when she looked into Jennifer's eyes she had always seen the world there. She had always had a special kind of understanding of the world, not taking it for granted what other people said or did, but looking into the gut of the issue to understand it for herself. She was independent and contemplative. So very, very head strong. Which of course, was why they had come to butt heads so often.

It was perhaps, her lack of guidance that had made Jennifer have to depend on herself so stringently. The blonde had often made every effort to display her love, to relate her devotion to her family, and it broke her heart to wonder if Jennifer thought they had gone unnoticed. Communication wasn't exactly the easiest of things in the Jareau family, ironic, considering Jennifer had made a career out of it. Still, she faced her fears head on; perhaps it was her way of doing that.

Jennifer's dissatisfaction of some of the answers for the world had often frustrated Connie, wondering why her daughter couldn't let sleeping dogs lie. Wondering why she had to challenge the norm, unsettle the dust and push for better answers. It didn't mean she failed to understand why. Constance knew it was because Jennifer had lost something so dear that she couldn't take the placating answers. She couldn't swallow the sugar-coated pill; it only served to hurt her more. The world broke her sister, so Jennifer had set out to fix it.

Prior had done partly the same thing, correcting his parents' mistakes inside his own marriage. Sadie and Oliver were doing much the same thing, trying to find their own paths. Constance had been getting the distinct feeling recently that Oliver was trying to be as daring as his sister, and step out into the world.

Jennifer had ultimately exampled the way they all felt, upon the last face to face discussion that they had had. Connie had tried her best to explain to her why certain things had happened, tried to make her see that it was never because there was a lack of love. Love came in abundance; it just seemed to have gotten a little lost between the communication difficulties. That was going to stop; it was time for it to stop. It seemed that all these misunderstandings, all this grappling with the meaning of love and commitment, the burden of blame and blood, had confused the hell out of her beautiful young child. Her own flesh and blood, so smart and perceptive, believing that she owed it to the world to be perfect to make up for her imaginary sins.

The Doctor had been paged upon their arrival, and she quietly took them aside to discuss in privacy the full details of Jennifer's condition. Connie didn't know the whole story of the incident yet, the whys and the how's, that would come in time she thought. She and Josef had listened in shock and dismay to the damage done to their daughter, they had been through something similar once, seen the damage for themselves, an image that would forever haunt them both. Tarrin's decision had been to save her life by ending it, JJ's decision had been to save a life by risking her own. Dutiful and loyal, trying to perhaps right out a wrong.

Didn't Jennifer understand yet, that the weight of the world was never meant to be taken on by one person alone? Did she not understand that that kind of responsibility was crushing? No one could control it, nature always pleased itself. You could only be responsible for yourself, and the way you chose to touch people's lives, creating the fluid flow of change. The ripples of the butterfly effect.

Had Jennifer never understood, truly, why she collected butterflies?

It was a soft, deeply cracked grunt that snapped Connie out of her reverie, looking up quickly as her breath caught in her chest. Doctor Walker had told them that Jennifer wouldn't rouse until the morning, though there was a possibility it could be through the later half of the night. And knowing how strong willed her daughter was, Constance had forgone sleep to watch over her, waiting for any stirs or signs that she was coming back into consciousness. Both Josef and Delilah had fallen into laboured slumber, given the improvement of Jennifer's statistics and the quietness of the night, the surgeon in charge of her care had allowed the three of them to stay in the room together.

''Jennifer? Honey?''

The older blonde probed gently, leaning over the rail guard of the bed slightly to squint at her daughter's face to trace any signs of movement. Gently, she squeezed her hand, the one she had barely let go of since she had taken the position sitting next to the bed, to let Jennifer know she was there. Upon that squeeze, her daughter took a breath, her mouth making small movements as her eyes began to twitch.

''It's okay sweetheart, I'm here, Mom's right here.''

Lifting her other hand up to stretch up to Jennifer's face, Connie could barely hold back her relief, excitement and tears as she watched the slow but steady awakening of her stricken child. Her face twitched in places, her forehead moulding into a light frown as she so obviously was trying to understand and gain her bearings. The drugs probably made it reasonably difficult to do that, and Jennifer had been under for a long time now.

''M…Mom…?''

It was weak, barely audible; more like a faint, cracked and dry muttering through a sigh. But it was there, and that was all that mattered.

''That's right sweetheart, can you open your eyes?''

Connie encouraged, enjoying the small squeezes she felt from Jenny's hand as her eyes flicked for a moment before a tiny, tiny opening emerged. It took a moment, the small slit opening further and further in gradual stages, until Jennifer was blinking slowly, her blue eyes hazy with drugs and confusion.

''Mm…thirsty…''

Immediately Constance jumped into action, swivelling in her chair to the little table nearby, pouring out some water into the little plastic hospital cup and sticking a straw in there. Standing up, she leant over her daughter's bed and placed the end of her straw gently between her lips, letting her take little sips. When she began to cough, Connie put the cup down, picking up a tissue and dabbing around her daughter's mouth lightly. Then, leaning over, she placed a soft kiss on Jennifer's forehead before she sat down, taking her hand again.

''Mom…what…what're you…''

JJ frowned as she struggled and fumbled with her words, still disorientated and hazy.

''Relax Jenny, it's okay. Everything's going to be okay. You're in the hospital, do you remember what happened?''

The hospital? Why was she in the hospital? For the life of her JJ couldn't work out what the hell was going on. Her Mom was here? Did that mean her Dad was too? Did that mean it was serious? She couldn't feel anything, her head was foggy and sluggish, and rapidly a headache was starting to pound and rattle around in there. She felt painfully numb, somehow, like an ache was deep inside of her. She couldn't move, her body felt heavy, it made her feel a little sick.

''I don't…I can't…oh god…Emily…''

Suddenly it started to make sense. JJ couldn't remember what happened exactly, but she remembered the feeling of knowing Emily was in danger. She had to find out if she was okay, what if something had happened?

''Emily? Whoa, Jennifer calm down, just breathe, you're going to hurt yourself.''

Constance stood up again, trying to calm her daughter as she struggled to move. God she was stubborn. Placing her hands on her shoulders, she didn't have to push very hard to make sure that Jennifer remained still. Obviously the lack of energy made her huff as she stopped fighting.

Slowly, pieces of the puzzle began to slot into place in Constance's head. The conversation that Jennifer had pulled her into that day on the farm seemed out of the blue, now this…it seemed connected somehow.

''If you mean the brunette out there in the waiting room, she seems fine.''

Dr Walker had indicated that a colleague from the BAU team had made herself at home in the waiting room, insistent on waiting through the night. Connie hadn't made too much thought of it, too consumed with watching over her daughter, but now? Now she began to speculate on just why the Agent was choosing to remain so vigilantly, and why her daughter seemed so eager to know that she was okay. All she knew of the circumstances of the shooting was that Jennifer had been endeavouring to protect someone from getting killed. With this sudden alarm, with Jennifer remembering Emily firstly, over anything else; conclusions weren't exactly a giant leap rather than a small step.

''She's here? She's okay?''

Jennifer demanded urgently, tears pooling in her eyes. Connie nodded affirmatively.

''By all accounts she hasn't left the hospital since you got here.''

The older blonde watched in fascination as Jennifer sniffled and let the tears slip from her eyes, overwhelmed with relief. Not once asking about her own condition, but needing to know Emily's. There was definitely more to this story, this wasn't just loyalty to a colleague.

''I've…god, Mom; I've made such a big mistake. You…you should be so ashamed of me.''

''No, no baby, I'm so proud of you. So very proud.''

''I've made such a mess…I cheated, it's all been a huge mistake.''

Connie sighed lightly, moving her hand to try and wipe away some of Jennifer's tears.

''The affair? With Emily?''

JJ shook her head as she sniffed.

''Not Emily, Delilah. Delilah's the mistake, I…I never loved her, Mom. I didn't know what to do…I couldn't…I didn't know. I swear I didn't know. Not until Emily.''

It was difficult to watch someone so strong and so independent break down. It was even worse to know that you were partly responsible for why. They could have saved her this pain; they could have done and been so much more to their daughter. With loosing one, they had ultimately overlooked another. Consumed with trying to get the herd over the pain, they had lost sight of Jennifer's individuality. She was consumed by her sister's death, haunted by her blood, and most affected by the things they had done. Was it not inevitable that she would suffer for it at some point, truly do something that she would never forgive herself for?

And she wouldn't, Connie knew that much. Her daughter would be brutally honest, she would confess her sins, and yes, maybe find the happiness that she deserved with someone else. But she would never absolve herself; she would never forgive herself or ever let herself forget. Connie was partly grateful and proud that she had such an honest daughter, but partly saddened because it was extra weight to which she already carried.

Right now Jennifer seemed broken and distraught, so very desolate and disillusioned. She hated herself for what she had done. Coming to terms with something like this wasn't easy, accepting her own actions to be sinful and hurtful, things that didn't easily fit into her nature.

''I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry.''

''You don't have to apologise to us, pumpkin.''

JJ started at the deep voice, briefly calming as she looked passed her Mother to her Father, who came to stand by the bed now too. She hadn't even realised he was in the room.

''Daddy?''

''We should have done more for you, Jenny. We should have helped you more than we did.''

JJ stalled, never having heard her Father say anything quite like that. He wasn't a man who wouldn't show is emotion, he'd talk with her and her siblings, he'd tell them that he loved them, but when it came to Tarrin he was a man of few words, harrowed by his daughter's demise. He tried his best, but he'd been broken.

''It wasn't your fault…''

''It wasn't yours either, sweetheart. Things just got…lost. They shouldn't have.''

JJ didn't know how quite to respond to that. She never thought that her parents realised what had happened back then, something that had never really been able to mend. They hadn't done her wrong; it wasn't that, JJ had always known that she was loved. It was just a hurt that had been left for so long, confusing and contorting everything it touched. Grief and loss were powerful things, not easily overcome.

Still, that didn't absolve her of her responsibility. No matter where the seeds had come from, no matter the patterns that she had developed out of that hurt, she still held her own personal responsibility. She had made a mistake, cheating on Delilah, despite it being the bigger mistake to ever start a relationship with her in the first place. If she had known then what she knew now, all of this could have been spared. Delilah could have been spared, could have made a real life for herself with someone who did love her like they were supposed to love her. Father Marks had told her that only she could forgive herself, but she never would. She had, after all, stolen over five years of Delilah's life, and stalled over five of her own. She had made Emily a cheater, an accomplice to her own crimes. No matter why they had come about, no matter how criminally innocent they were, they were still wrong doings.

''I'm so tired Daddy.''

Josef smiled lightly, trying to hide the horror at seeing his little girl so physically and emotionally down. It was no secret that he had always worried about Jennifer given her job, always grappled with the idea of the danger she willingly put herself in. He wasn't an old fashioned man, per se, he had always told his daughters that they could do and be whatever they wanted to be. Still, the idea of guns and Kevlar and dealing with the scum of the earth? It seemed to suit the image of Prior or Oliver more, they were hardened guys, big guys really, solid and built. His daughter was so slender and fragile. But it seemed to be proof now that she could take a lot more than he thought she could.

''Sleep, princess. You'll feel better in the morning.''

It was a half-truth. She would indeed feel better with rest; she needed to recoup the energy she had lost. But by the morning, the drugs that were still in her system would be wearing off, and she would for the first time feel the pain that she was in. Undoubtedly, it would be a great deal.

''I love you both.''

JJ muttered faintly, her eyes having already fluttered closed. It felt safe to succumb to sleep again, knowing that her parents were watching over her. Knowing that Emily was safe, still nearby.

''We love you too.''

Connie stroked her daughter's hair, helping to lull her back into sleep. It was only a matter of seconds until Jennifer was under again, sleeping soundly once more. Their child struggled with so much, had faced and overcome and been through so much. But they were here now, and she was going to be fine. The pain would eventually fade, the pain her body would go through, and the pain she felt inside.

''I should go tell them that she woke up.''

Connie nodded, appreciating the soft squeeze Josef gave her shoulder, before turning and moving out of the room to go and let the staff now that JJ had been awake and alert. It was a relief having talked to her, knowing that she really was okay. Everything could be fixed; the most important thing was she was responding and alert, that she knew all the things she needed to know to not indicate some hidden problem like head trauma.

''Delilah…''

Casting a look toward the corner of the room, Constance was shocked to find that the young Detective was awake and wide eyed, obviously letting herself go unnoticed and remaining silent to listen to JJ's bedside confession. They weren't particularly close, them and her. They had accepted JJ's choices, accepted that she didn't get a choice in her sexuality. Connie had always been grateful to the younger woman for saving her daughter's life, but there had always been some awkwardness between them. She had never truly thought that she was the best for Jennifer. Even so, she could understand the hurt in Delilah's eyes now, and wished that she hadn't overheard what she had.

''I already know, Connie. I just didn't know it was never real.''

XXX

''Oh god…fucking jesus christ.''

The pain was mind splitting, bone crushing and nothing like she had ever felt before. Overwhelming and smothering, causing ripples of heat and sickness that actually interfered with her senses, even her vision, right down to her comprehension of reality. It made everything she had ever experienced in her life up to now seem small and nothing.

Her body pulsed with surging agony, torturous and deep rooted. Immediately she felt sick, the light of the room stabbing into her eyes as they refused to adjust. If she had ever briefly thought there could be a hell, this must have been it.

''Here, press this.''

The voice echoed in her head, and vaguely she felt her hand being wrapped around something, her thumb being pushed into what felt like a button. She was too far-gone in the searing hurt to really acknowledge who was talking to her, or what was happening. Is this what Reid had gone through when he was being beaten? Drugged up and unaware, only being able to perceive that which was painful? In all seriousness JJ thought that a moment longer suspended in that kind of agony, she wouldn't live.

But something happened to make that torture fade, suddenly she started to be able to breathe again as it began to dissipate. It felt warm, this delightful saving grace, warm and lightly and a little buzzing. Almost like she was tipsy, but not quite. Maybe more like she was stoned. It reminded her of the time that she and her siblings had gotten stoned. It had only been that one time, for all of them. JJ and Prior had been the oldest, therefore making sure that the youngest of them, Oliver, couldn't have any. Instead he had just gotten a little buzzed off of the collective smoke of theirs. It had been a small, brief act of rebellion between the four of them. Having a party at the farm when their parents had gone for the night, gotten a little drunk and a little stoned. They had been found out, of course, and sufficiently grounded, but they all still laughed when they talked about it.

''_Whoa_…hey…that's better.''

Blinking, JJ tried to focus herself again. Looking up at the blurry figure hovering by her bedside, the blonde tried to put the pieces back into the puzzle. Presumably, whatever had stopped the pain was a drug that would make her a little hazy and spacey, so it was going to be a little harder to think. Her mouth and throat were dry, and it was a struggle still to keep her eyes open, though now partly because she felt stoned.

Emily. Emily was safe…JJ remembered that much, its what she had held onto. What she had dreamt about. If Emily was okay, then the pain was worth it, she could stand it knowing that it wasn't in vain. She remembered the boy, and the gun; she remembered the echoing blows, though she didn't have an image of the gun being fired. Vaguely, very vaguely, JJ remembered Emily's voice telling her, shouting at her, to fight. Had she been angry with her? JJ didn't care; an angry Emily was better than a dead Emily.

So, she had been shot. The damage, she didn't know, obviously enough to land her in a world of hurt. Obviously enough to get her stoned on painkillers. Obviously enough to drag her parents down here from the farm.

''It's morphine. You press the button when you need a hit.''

JJ blinked again, clearing her throat as best she could as she looked at the figure that was coming into focus. The figure of Delilah Forrester. All of a sudden she was hit with the rush of memory of confessing her sins to her parents, it was a little hazy but JJ knew she had babbled it all out like some kid that had gotten caught stealing cookies.

''Thanks.''

JJ clicked the little button repeatedly, hoping another wave would hit her and numb her to the core. It may not have been severe like before, but there was definitely some residual pain and discomfort.

''I think it only works the once.''

''Oh. Damnit.''

Sighing, JJ tried to take some deep breaths, telling her body to ignore the left over pain. It was definitely worth it, but a constant hit of morphine still would have been nice…and fun.

''How do you feel?''

Delilah asked softly, not hiding the tiredness or the weakness she felt, not hiding the devastation she felt. It went deeper than that, so much deeper, knowing that the life they had shared had never been real to JJ. Just because she thought it had been didn't mean anything. She had even been willing to hear the blonde out, hoping that she would just confess and say she was sorry. That, she could have maybe forgiven. This? No, never could she forgive this level of deceit that JJ had shown. Belittling her and their life, the life that had meant the world to her.

''Besides a little stoned? I feel like a house fell on me.''

JJ responded honestly, not yet noticing the level of emotion in Delilah, her mind wasn't working properly, too drugged and too exhausted from the trauma. However, she was herself enough to know that right now while she had Delilah alone, she had to tell her. She had to come clean and end things, because this couldn't go on any longer. She had stolen enough time from the younger woman, and she couldn't let her be here as her adoring, worried girlfriend. It was too horrible, just to think of her sitting here looking after her, she didn't deserve that.

''Delilah, I need to…''

''I know.''

''What?''

Delilah's words had been so hushed and faint that JJ barely comprehended them. Frowning slightly, she looked up at the other woman again; now realising what that look meant. That empty, gutted look.

''I know everything, Jenny. I heard it from everyone but you, actually. And then I had to sit here and listen to you tell your parents what you should have told me. Do you know how humiliating that is, that everyone knew but me? That no one, _not one single person_, stepped up to tell me. Didn't you at least owe me that?''

''I did, and I won't forgive myself for not doing it.''

''_I don't care_! I don't fucking give a shit how you feel right now. You…you don't even know what you've done to me. I thought you loved me.''

''I do…I thought I did. I just never, I was never _in_ love with you. You were there Delilah, but I wasn't and everything that happened, happened…it just got so far out of control.''

Delilah snickered dismissively.

''And you dared to tell me I was fucking up? You dared to condemn the way I treated you when you were off fucking someone else? Is she the only one?''

''Yes.''

''So what the hell makes this different JJ? You convinced yourself you loved me because I took a blade for you? What makes you think that what you did will be any different for Emily?''

The brunette demanded, not really wanting to know because she thought she already knew the answer.

''She's already in love with me, and I…I'm in love with her.''

JJ said softly, knowing that Delilah had asked because she needed to hear it.

''I'm sorry.''

She added softly, knowing that right now it would be more of an insult than an apology.

''Fuck you.''

The Detective spat back, glaring harshly at the statement. She wasn't sorry, she couldn't have been sorry. If she were sorry she would have done this before anything happened between her and that bitch.

''I'm leaving you. You ruined my life; I at least get to be the one who walks away. I was going to change for you; I was going to be who you wanted me to be. But you were never coming home last night to talk out our problems, were you?''

JJ shook her head, swallowing down the wave of emotion that threatened to peak as she listened to the sadness that quietened Delilah's voice.

''No.''

''It doesn't mean shit to you, does it?''

''Yes, it does. Do you think I wanted this to happen? I thought we were happy, okay? And I hate myself for doing this to you, but I could never make you happy if I stayed with you out of obligation. It doesn't mean that everything good we had never meant anything.''

''Yeah? Well it does to me. You're fucking dead to me.''

JJ was in no position to stop Delilah from walking away; she had no argument to object, no defence, no appeal. She deserved everything that the brunette threw at her, and she had to take it. She had done enough damage; she didn't need to deepen it by throwing things back at her or trying to make flippant excuses. Delilah was very much entitled to hate her.

XXX

Emily was relatively calm, considering that her life was about to officially, drastically change. She was standing on the precipice, standing on the summit, feeling the winds of change around her. No more nerves, no more anxiety, just a still and peaceful calm. A gut feeling that the next step was the right step, a knowing deep inside that what was going to happen was right. It was true what they said after all; it wasn't scary when it was the right person.

All the resisting, all the commitment issues, they were over. There was nothing, nothing whatsoever standing in the way of her being with JJ. Not even Delilah. They had come too far, broken down too many walls, delved too deeply to understand, to not be together now.

Emily was ready to be loved, and ready to love. She was ready for a life, a real life, to do all the things that she had always yearned for when she was younger. No more loneliness, no more uncertainty, just the love and understanding, the passion and the need and connection that was shared with her by JJ. She knew that Delilah was in there alone right now; she had been informed as such by JJ's parents. They had been different than she expected somehow. And they hadn't reacted to her with horror, knowing what her daughter did for her.

Emily had been overwhelmingly surprised to receive a hug from JJ's Mother, after asking if she was Emily, the girl that her daughter had stepped in front of a gun for. Emily would have thought she'd have been angry, or upset maybe, not whatever it was that she had been. Proud? Understanding? Something that didn't compute quite yet in Emily's head.

They had both been knowing somehow, leading her to the sneaking feeling that JJ had told them specifically who she was. There was little room for interpretation when they had declared that they had left Delilah alone to talk things through with JJ when she woke up, as they had gone to get something to eat and call home. They wanted to update, understandably, JJ's siblings, the rest of the family. Apparently her brother's and sister wanted to come to see her as soon as they were able, and with Kate announcing that JJ would be moved out of the ICU after lunch, there was no reason they couldn't set off.

A family reunion, Emily thought that would be good for JJ. She had been prepared to keep her place in the waiting room, however, with an invite to join them, it seemed that she was being offered a line into the family. They didn't even know her, in fact, the only three things they did know about her were that she worked with JJ, had helped JJ cheat, and had gotten JJ shot. Not outstandingly impressive. Yet there they went, giving her parental absolution and extending the hand of peace. JJ came from good people.

It was idling up to lunch, and Emily was now sprawled out on the little couch that had killed her neck during the night, but otherwise had been comfy enough. She had already consumed an unadvisable number of coffees from the machine down the hall, and had eaten one of the breakfast snacks that Garcia had left for her. If she was going to drink so much caffeine she had to give her stomach a fighting chance. After getting an update from Kate, and freshening up a little in the bathroom, Emily had paced a little, talked to JJ's parents and then settled back onto her little couch of residence. For most of the night she had listened quietly to some of the music on her iPod, and she decided to do the same now, choosing one of the mixes that JJ had made for her.

The blonde had such a variety of taste, Emily enjoyed listening to the words, taking in the meanings and thinking what they could mean to JJ, and also why the younger woman had chosen them for her to listen to out of all her enviable collection. Ironically enough, the last song on the playlist was called _Bloodsport_, by a group called the Sneaker Pimps.

It was after she had stopped scanning through the playlist, as the song was ending, that she flicked her eyes up again, intending to look down the hallway for anything interesting, but instead started as her heart jumped into her throat, finding Delilah stood near enough over her.

''Jesus fucking christ Delilah.''

Emily closed her eyes and took some calming breaths, trying to find a happy place as not to vent her annoyance toward the cop for practically stalking her like that. Pulling out her earphones, the brunette swallowed her chagrin and cleared her throat as she licked her lips, pulling back some of her composure.

''Love is just a bloodsport, huh? Is this what you meant?''

The words echoed the song that had just finished, but also echoed her own words, the ones that had been unaware of such lyrics. Delilah's meaning though was a little more literal. Delilah's meaning was how JJ was lying in a hospital bed on behalf of love, blood spilled, sport being had.

''No, of course not. It shouldn't have gone down like this.''

''JJ getting hurt or the way you fucked me over?''

The Detective challenged. Emily took in a long, contemplative breath as she moved to stand up slowly, giving the other brunette a relatively earnest look.

''Both.''

''Don't regret it though, do you?''

''No.''

How could she regret it, the time she had spent with JJ, the time that she would spend with her, was and would be glorious. Maybe it was selfish of her, but she couldn't help that. Maybe she hadn't been out to 'steal' JJ, or 'win' her, because she didn't feel like the blonde belonged to her, but there had definitely been a battle, and it had been bloody and brutal. They had fought, literally, over JJ's heart, and she had come out the victor. It came at a cost, Emily did feel for Delilah, and she was bloodied and dirtied from the fight, but ultimately, she would never regret it because it was her that JJ wanted. And for JJ to be herself, to be the free spirit she was, she needed to be with someone that had no desire to trap her. Emily's only desire was to love her.

''You barefaced looked me in the eye and lied to me. You know, I actually had a little respect for you? But you fucking rich kids, always taking what doesn't belong to you. Always thinking you're so superior and entitled. She was mine, she belonged to me, you had no right to take her away.''

Delilah had that look in her eye again, that same look she had when she had come at her during practice. Emily may have had a darkness in her that she didn't quite understand, a danger to her that she herself was a little scared of. But never, never would she let it direct toward JJ like Delilah had done. Emily could forgive the Detective for coming at her, but not at JJ. That was altogether different.

''You still don't get it, do you? JJ's not some possession Delilah; she's not a keepsake or your favourite pair of jeans. You never had her, because she never belonged to you. She belongs to herself, you don't trap a girl like that, you let her be who she is. You love her, and you trust her, and you don't treat her like she's an ornament inside the bell jar. You're supposed to connect, not control.''

''Don't you fucking lecture me, all I ever did was love her and she threw it back in my face. With _your_ help. Don't you dare lecture me as though you're perfect. As though you didn't know you were fucking someone else's girlfriend. However you want to colour that, its wrong and its deceitful. You two make the perfect lying pair, how do you even expect to trust each other now? The words once a cheater always a cheater spring to mind. Tell me, how do you expect any of that high and mighty wisdom of yours to happen?''

It was Delilah's way of saying that they couldn't, it was her way of saying that she hoped they couldn't and what they had experienced was false. In theatrics she may have well said 'a curse on both your houses'.

''I'm not going to stand here and explain, or even justify, what it is between us. Not to somebody that won't understand it. Stage exit, Delilah, your done.''

What JJ felt like she had to take, Emily didn't have such duty bound obligation. There was a line and Delilah had crossed it when she had been trying to keep it civil. Yes, she felt for her, yes she did wish that this could've happened in a way that meant she didn't get hurt, but by no means was she going to stand here and get snubbed and painted as something she wasn't. If Delilah wanted her to be the bad guy, fine, it was a role she would willingly play. The rich girl with powers of seduction and mystique. The trespasser that knew no boundaries and expected life to give her exactly what she wanted.

Emily didn't care, she was used to being tarred with a certain brush.

There was nothing left to say, not in her opinion anyway. What else could there possibly be? Delilah was angry, rightfully so, and sprouting venom, hoping to poison the happiness she knew they would have in her wake. Yes, it was a hard pill to swallow; no one was denying her that. But there was nothing she could do to change things, no matter how much she shouted and accused, nothing was going to change and she knew it.

What was done was done, and with knowing that, the Detective walked away. Her character was over, finished, just a sub-character, only in existence to support a bigger story.

Their story.

XXX

''Hi.''

Emily had been stood in the doorway of the hospital room, just watching JJ thinking. Those azure blue eyes of hers had been staring somewhere toward the ceiling by the back wall, the onslaught of emotion so clear it was practically a mist around her. Emily felt changes for herself, but guessed that in comparison to JJ's, they were only small. Not only had JJ found herself out of the relationship she had been used to for so long, and approaching a new one, her changes included physical changes. Painful physical changes.

The profiler knew that JJ had been informed about her condition. Kate had already been in to sit and talk to her about the trauma she had sustained, and walk her through what happened in the operating theatre. They had talked about her long-term prognosis, and how her body would heal, and what kind of pain she would be expecting and what kind of effort she would have to put in to getting back to her old self. It was going to be a hard process, probably frustrating to someone who was used to running and working out, not to mention dancing. JJ did love to dance, but she wouldn't be doing that for a little while.

Kate had said that she received the news positively, had asked plenty of questions and seemed to be resolved to get herself going again. It was a forward thinking JJ, showing her determination and strong will. Typical of her, really, though Emily wondered if it were partly a brave face. For someone so independent, it was probably a scary idea to be so dependent on others, even if it was only for the duration of healing.

''Hey. What're you doing stood all the way over there?''

The blonde wondered softly, her head turning toward Emily, eyes dancing at seeing her. It felt like it had been so long since she had set eyes upon the brunette, far too long.

''Watching you.''

JJ nodded as she pulled a face.

''Huh. _Creepy_!''

Smiling at Emily's snicker, the blonde watched as the profiler moved toward her bed slowly. Watched the older woman wince slightly as she caught a glimpse of the bandages from surgery now that she had pushed her blanket to her waist. Intense, dark eyes studied them intently, wandering along her body to inspect the damage before looking at the monitors that had been left to study her, the wires that were still inserted, all of which made her grimace. Then, she quirked her eyebrow when she saw the morphine dispenser.

''A little stoned, are we?''

She drawled sarcastically, taking in the slightly glazed look in stunning blue eyes and the dopey smile still pasted lopsidedly on her lips. Even though JJ still looked pale, though beginning to show some colour, and still looked exhausted from everything, she looked rather amused with herself right now.

''Off my butt, yeah! Garcia didn't tell me there were perks to getting shot!''

Again, Emily winced, despite the fact that JJ had fancied her words as a joke.

''There are no perks to you getting shot.''

The brunette insisted quietly. JJ squinted lightly, probably only meant to narrow her eyes, but of course her coordination was stoned along with the rest of her. It was adorable, actually.

''I can think of one significant perk.''

The younger woman informed, whispering as though it was a secret that explained the universe.

''Oh yeah, what's that?''

''You.''

God this girl, she knew just how to get right into the core of her heart. With one seriously impaired joke she managed to speak volumes. With that look, those words, Emily could feel how justified JJ was about her actions. No regret about doing it, just pure relief that it had worked. That kind of devotion was going to take some adjusting to, but Emily already felt special because of it. And she hoped that JJ knew that she would always endeavour to make her feel the same way.

''Yeah well, I still think you're an idiot.''

The brunette sniffled back jokingly, trying to wipe away the tears that had seemingly sprung out of nowhere.

''Maybe, but I'm your idiot.''

Emily laughed lightly, sniffling again as the tears spilt over and ran down her cheeks. Reaching forward, she took JJ's head into her hands, moving to rest her forehead on the blonde's gently. JJ moved her hand to rest on her side lightly, and for a moment they just remained like that. Remained close, breathing together and crying a little together.

It was cathartic crying, letting out the worry and the shock and trauma, letting out the relief that came with being free to be together, and for JJ it was loosing something that despite knowing was bad for her, was still significant. For someone that strove to help people, it would always hurt her that she had done the opposite with Delilah. Still, that chapter had ended. She was free to move on, to explore and experience and finally be who she was always meant to be, all with Emily right by her side.

''I did what I had to do, and I'd do it again. You are so worth it. I love you; I'm so crazy in love with you that it's laughable! And I was going to prove it, before this happened.''

JJ whispered, fisting Emily's shirt in her hand as she held onto her for dear life. Not only because it was so good to feel her right up close, safe and sound, but also because they didn't have to hide anymore. Whatever bond that had formed from those initial moments had endured so much already, and JJ could only feel it getting stronger and stronger.

''I know. I got that impression from the text you sent me, but even if I hadn't, Penny told me everything while you were in surgery. And even if that didn't sink in, she found the book when she went to get some of your stuff. The card told me everything I needed to know.''

Emily explained, the mere thought of what JJ had written causing goose bumps across her skin.

''And I love you too, Jennifer. I hope that I can justify why you did what you did for me. I want to make you so, so very happy.''

Emily pulled back slightly, just enough to look JJ in the eye, smiling despite herself, finding herself excited about what was to come.

''I got news for you baby, you already make me happy. Did you open the book?''

Emily shook her head.

''No, I wanted to wait until you were awake.''

''Open it.''

Emily looked at the blonde for a second, wondering briefly if this was all just a very detailed dream. Would she wake up alone in her bed, having dreamt of the beautiful Agent becoming the love of her life? Emily had dreamt about JJ before, after all. When all this had started, which seemed so long ago. The night that she had seen the blonde across the bullpen, that sincere, shy but sweet smile offering her encouragement and friendliness. With every day that had passed since that night, Emily had fallen deeper and deeper for JJ, the keeper of her heart. The girl least likely. They said beauty was in the eye of the beholder, and certainly, Jennifer Jareau was radiantly beautiful, and Emily really did have that downfall.

Who knew her downfall would lead to an actual life.

Moving across the room to where she had placed the bags quietly when she had been stood there earlier, the brunette went about retrieving the book. With another look at JJ as she stepped back to the bedside, Emily removed the card carefully, not wanting it to get damaged; she wanted to do something special with it. After that was done, the profiler began to undo the smooth, brown wrapping, stealing glances of her lover every so often. That was until her eyes widened a little as the book emerged.

''_Jennifer_…''

The whisper was a stunned and awed one, making JJ smile. The book had been in her possession for over a month now. She had intended it to be a present to Emily, a thank you for the understanding and also an apology for everything JJ felt she was putting her through. The profiler had been sweet enough, perceptive enough, to get into her head about what was going on in her life. That day with the horses had been truly insightful and significant, and JJ had wanted to show her appreciation the way Emily had been there for her. Had always been there for her, actually. She had chickened out though, as things had begun to unwind or heat up, whatever anyone wanted to call the recent happenings in the 'JJ & Emily Show'. But once she had realised, she had written that card and had been prepared to give it to the brunette once things settled down somewhat.

''This is…this is…you bought me a Kurt Vonnegut first edition?''

Emily gasped, holding the book with exceptional care as she turned it over, eyes still wide as she took it in. First edition, first printing, with a charming quality to it that could only come from the likes of a first edition book. The brunette had to admit, she did have a weakness for first editions, her bookshelf did hold a fair few that she had collected over the years, but never in a million years had she expected JJ to know that. And even if she did, which she obviously did, Emily would never have expected her to get her one as a gift.

''Do you like it?''

The blonde asked, biting her lip softly as she watched Emily's reaction carefully. Indeed she had noticed what was on Emily's shelves, and she knew that the older woman had Kurt Vonnegut's collection, but none of them in her first edition collection. He was one of her favourite author's; she'd even heard her talking about him with Morgan.

''I…I love it. Player Piano was his first novel.''

JJ nodded.

''I know.''

''You do?''

''I've been reading them.''

The blonde admitted, almost shyly. Emily looked at her, a little perplexed as well as a little astounded. She had never seen the blonde with a Vonnegut book before, had she been reading his works on the sly?

''You have?''

God she had to stop squeaking at some point in her life.

''Why?''

She added, completely astounded that not only did JJ know her predilection for first editions, evidently also for Kurt Vonnegut, but also had been reading them.

''Well he's one of your favourites, right? So I wanted to share that with you, it's what couples do, right? Take an interest in each other's passions. You love him and I love you, ergo, I read them.''

Emily gaped at the blonde for a moment, somewhat bowled over. It seemed so simple to JJ, as though it wasn't overly special that she had taken such an interest. But to Emily it was extremely special, it was heartening and wonderful.

''Seriously, you have no idea how amazing you are. I'm…I'm blown away, JJ. No one has ever done anything quite like this for me before, thank you. And did you just call us a couple?''

JJ smirked, wondering when the brunette would catch onto that. Emily could be so cute sometimes, devastatingly sweet without even knowing it. Like right now, the way that she looked at her all hopeful and excited, practically glowing with it as she almost bounced on the balls of her feet. JJ suddenly got an image of what Emily would be like on holidays with gleeful enthusiasm, particularly with excitable kids in the picture. Kids with Emily's eyes and Emily's smile and Emily's sweetness. That was definitely something she wanted to happen. With Emily, there was no doubt that she wanted kids, desperately so.

''Like the sound of that, huh?''

''I do!''

''Me too, so get over here and kiss me.''

Who was Emily to turn down the lady? Compliantly she stepped forward a little and leant down to do as she was told. The spark was stronger than ever as their lips met, connective and strong and deep. It seemed to seal their fate, binding them together forever more, the feeling of which they had been waiting for. They were free to be together, finally had their chance.

Through hell and high water they had made it, more or less completely in tact, ready to start a new chapter in their lives. This was their crossover, their individual stories now to be written only together. They had paid their dues; they could leave behind the pain and step forward. It may always be a painful thought, how they had come about and who they had hurt, but things weren't always so straightforward.

Lives weren't fairytales, and not all character's got to be happy. Sometimes even the nicest of people, the most honest and scrupulous of people, had to hurt someone. It was a downfall of people, the thing they did best was hurt each other. But if you were lucky enough, you could find someone that balanced all that pain out. The pain you knew you had caused, and the pain that had been inflected upon you. If you were lucky enough you could find the person that made your heart feel better.

Right now they were just beginning. Right now, JJ was stoned and Emily was practically beside herself. The outside world looking in on their bubble. Soon enough, it would come crashing down again. JJ would be transferred to a different room, and her parents would re-emerge from their break, her siblings would arrive and so would the team. Everyone joyous of the fact that JJ would be fine. She would get stronger, and then she would be released, going home to find Delilah's things missing from her apartment, which would have a hollow essence to it but not something that either of them could dwell over for very long. Because Emily would help her through the healing process, through physical therapy, and once JJ was back on her feet and back at work, all would be right with the world again.

All that was to come, their life together started, truly started, right here today. And the things that Emily had been reluctant to explain today, were the things that she would hold dearest in life. Jennifer's love, the trust they shared, the devotion and adoration they felt, and the connection that could never be broken. What had started out in shadows and secrecy, would flourish in the light of day.

But that was yet to come. That was a story for another time. Right now, they were just two happy main character's, having over come the obstacles to be together, ending one chapter before starting another by sharing a kiss.


	18. Chapter 18

**Title:** Bloodsport  
**Author:** darkbardzero  
**Fandom:** Criminal Minds  
**Pairings:** Jennifer Jareau/Emily Prentiss  
**Ratings:** 18  
**Summary: **''Love is just a Bloodsport.''  
**Disclaimers:** All things Criminal Minds belong to people other than me. I just write stuff.  
**Author's Notes: **Well, this is something that was originally part of a drabble I wrote in the CM music challenge. Back then, I was nudged and encouraged by**Steppenwolf_20**to write it full length. So here it is! It's been in the works for quite a while due to various reasons, but it's on the tracks now.  
**Thank You: **To **Steppenwolf_20** for suggesting it, **Sofia_Lindsay** for not letting me give up on it early on, and **Heidimaggs22** for supporting me, batting ideas around, putting up with rants and waffles and for being my rock! Ta to**Heidimaggs22**and**Sofia_Lindsay** for beta'ing.  
**A/N - **This is the second to last chapter I'm afraid! This hasn't been beta'd, the lovely Heidimaggs22 has been super super super busy :)

XXX

Two weeks later

''Well, the good news is you're still alive. The bad news is that you've gone in-fucking-sane.''

With the clipped tone and sharp edged words, it was impossible to miss the innuendo laced beneath. It was impossible to deny that the winds had well and truly shifted. Many times along this path, JJ had mused that shit always drained downward, and she was about to get hit by each and every mutual friend between Delilah and herself.

It was to be expected, technically. Her family were surprisingly the easiest obstacles in this transition. They were just so relieved that she hadn't been killed that they couldn't be anything other than happy. They had received a jolt; one that was hopefully going to right out the kinks throughout their family who deserved to shed their pain and exhaustion and truly move on. Her parents had always had their doubts and reservations about her sexuality, or more so with Delilah. But in the past few days, they had taken to Emily like moths to a flame. Her parents and her siblings, they had practically welcomed her with open arms.

It was funny; she had missed the signals, or misjudged them, the first time around. Delilah had saved her life, and she had always been kept at arms length. Emily had been the woman she'd been willing to get killed for, had lost a kidney for and had gained a rod in her bone, and she had been welcomed with almost no questions asked.

They said when you found the one that was right for you, that you would just feel it. But maybe that wasn't true. Maybe it was those around you, those who truly loved you, that felt it too, right alongside you.

That said, mutual friends were different. They were different and they were tricky. Because the mutual friends couldn't help but feel the loss of something they had watched blossom over time, they couldn't let go of the time they had invested to aid in that relationship. The hours they had spent talking about every fight, or every good time, or every plan and dream. They couldn't let go of the visions they had created in their own minds, or the definitions of the couple. They felt compelled to side with the victim, not the perpetrator. And in this scenario, of course, JJ understood that she was the perpetrator. Especially to the woman that had stepped into her hospital room, so very obviously aware and pissed off about everything, despite the fact that they had been friends first.

JJ had confided in Claire a lot over the years since the Academy, she was aware of how much she adored Delilah, and she was aware that it was probably an extra kick in the gut that she had never confided in her about any of this.

''Claire, I haven't gone insane.''

JJ clarified calmly, looking across at the friend hovering within the doorway. She could see the disapproval and disappointment written all over her face. In part, JJ began to wonder if the friends like Claire had put more into her relationship with Delilah than she had.

''Oh no? So you _haven't _been running around fucking someone _other _than your girlfriend? You know, the one that's currently festering in my spare room because she's had her heart ripped out? That girlfriend, Delilah.''

''Yes Claire, I remember, thank you.''

JJ snapped despite herself, most of her brain told her that she didn't deserve to be snappy, that she didn't have any ground for a retort. However, part of her rebelled against that notion. She'd given five years up, hadn't she? Devoted herself to a lie just to make Delilah happy? What about her pain, didn't that mean anything? She'd gone a shitty way about everything, sure, but no one but Emily truly knew the shitty way Delilah had treated her throughout the years either.

''Well it's a damn pity you didn't remember her when you were off sowing your wild oats with this whore of yours.''

All JJ had done for the past few months were think. The moment she had seen Emily, all she had done was think. It had almost driven her crazy, but given the circumstances she'd had no real option. And she had been prepared to handle the outcome of her decisions. She was living one, right now. Her physical condition was a direct consequence of her decisions, and she could handle that. Because there was a lot of things that she could handle. JJ could also handle the brunt of Delilah's anger, and the anger of their combined friends.

However, that's where she drew the line.

For a long time JJ had convinced herself that she was happy, that she was normal and the relationship she shared with Delilah was how it was supposed to work. She had convinced herself that the constraints of obligations and the thick and heavy weight that crushed her chest for five years was perfectly normal, and she was perfectly functional and ready to be in that relationship. Seeing Emily for that first time had made her realise, despite her initial denial, that she hadn't been ready or functional in that relationship. And slowly but surely, maybe a little unwittingly at first, Emily had showed her that she deserved more, could be more, and needed more.

It wasn't just the sex. That physical devouring, the reeking of pleasures previously unknown because the connection worked. It was the forging of that connection, and the deepening of their prior one that had made a strong friendship base. It had developed and blossomed into something so much more, it had turned into something that JJ could neither describe or even wanted to. What it had taught her was that you couldn't hide from something forever; it would always find its way to the surface.

Despite the pain, not just Delilah's pain, but Emily's pain and her own pain, it was a change for the better. What had happened in the last few months had brought some stark realisations to all three of them, but JJ had come to believe that it was for the best in the long run. Delilah didn't deserve to be strung along, and she and Emily deserved to be happy upon realising that they had the real thing. Emily had changed her entire life for the better, however hard that change had been.

And again, it wasn't just sexual, even though the sex had been the best she'd ever had, but that was only one of the things that drew her wild attraction to the brunette. It was everything Emily was, and everything she had shown her during these months. Parts of herself that despite being initially close as friends, JJ had never seen before, as well as the chance for her to be herself for a change. To talk about her sister the way she had always wanted to. It felt good. It felt comfortable, as well as passionate.

The biggest thing she had realised was that she needed Emily like she needed oxygen, and she was ready for that kind of natural force to influence her life. She'd made a pretty big damn statement to attest to her readiness for that, if she didn't say so herself. Her attraction, her love, for Emily wasn't fleeting or insignificant. It wasn't temporary or simply skin deep, nor was it about the rush and excitement of doing something 'bad' and out of character.

It was blinding and forceful and powerful, and it had taken over her senses. Emily was by no means a conquest or a phase, not just a romp in the hey for some fun, she was special and phenomenal. She was someone she could see future with and that didn't scare her. It didn't make her chest heavy it made her float.

''Hey! I am willing to take your crap but don't you ever demean Emily like that again, do you understand me? I made these choices, not her, so if you want to demonise _me_ on Delilah's behalf that's just fine, but you leave her out of it. You have no idea what really went on behind the scenes, and until you do, don't you dare judge me. I'm sorry for the way it happened, I am, but there are only so many times I can keep saying that. This wasn't just some fling, Claire. I love her. I'm _in _love with her, she means everything to me. She saved me from the waters that I didn't even realise I was drowning in. So if you want to be angry, be angry, but don't you dare call the woman I love a whore, _ever_ again.''

JJ knew she would never and could never absolve herself, forgive herself, but she could make peace with her actions, and she had to start doing that from now on. Father Marks was right, it was down to yourself to give yourself that kind of peace, and if JJ wanted to truly move on and live her life with Emily, she had to start making her peace bit by bit.

''I had no idea you had it in you to be so hurtful and selfish, JJ.''

''You think what you want, just think it somewhere that's away from me. When you're finished being holier than thou, give me a call. Until then, back off and get the hell out.''

Looking away, JJ effectively put an end to the conversation. She had known Claire a long time, she loved her, and she understood why she was reacting so badly. But eventually, she would calm down. Eventually, she would calm down and they could talk over coffee or something, where JJ could explain properly and her friend would be able to listen and understand. Until then, they had hit an impasse.

As emotional blue eyes fixed their gaze somewhere in the blue sky outside, they didn't register her pain. At least, not the physical pain. What she felt she put down to the sudden onslaught of emotion that she was experiencing, her chest hurting from the harsh rise and fall as she panted, biting down on her lip. It wasn't particularly Claire's reaction that had provoked the outburst, rather than her instant judgement of Emily. It worried her, what if her friends didn't even make an effort to understand or get to know the profiler? Would it be this way forever? Would she lose them over this?

Was it unreasonable to expect them to stand by her when she had lied? Was it unreasonable to expect them to make an effort when they had invested so much time in a woman she had betrayed? Was it too much to expect them to listen? This had now become a war, and JJ feared that her friends would choose their side. It would be beyond painful to lose them, but JJ was actually willing to take that loss too.

''Agent Jareau are you okay I heard shouting.''

JJ sniffed, trying to pull herself together and stop the floodgate from fully opening. Maybe she was more emotional because of the shooting, however much she had been willing to die; it still haunted her, the image of that gun pointing at her. The sound of it echoing, the screams of Emily...it was all stuck inside her chest.

''Yeah...yeah, I'm fine.''

The blonde blinked, turning her head to look at the familiar looking nurse that had stepped into the room, her face full of curiosity and concern. That concern suddenly morphed into panic.

''Oh my god, you're bleeding.''

JJ frowned, wondering what the hell the woman was talking about. She wasn't bleeding, she was fine. But that was when it really registered, the physical pain she was in. Not the pain that had become a constant guest throughout her body, the pain that exhausted her, causing her to rely on drugs that sedated her and made everything foggy. This was a different pain, distinct and searing as it began to throb and pulse.

''What...?''

There was always blood. In some form or another, there was always blood and she had been dealing with it, it had influenced her, all her damn life. JJ held a barely there memory of her own blood covering her hands, it was the second she had realised that she had actually been shot. The moment she had known for sure that she had been hit. She had let go of everything within that moment, maybe not of life, but of something. The blood that was seeping out of her now, dark and rich, was reminiscent of that.

It hadn't seemed to have scared her then, but it did now.

XXX

''On the scale of one to ten, how's your pain level?''

JJ cringed slightly as Kate lifted her leg out of the removal cast it had come to find a home in. She was slightly groggy from the painkillers she'd been administered not so long ago, but she doubted that anything was going to stop the sharp, shooting pains that flew up and down her leg as it was moved. Kate held her carefully though, one hand at the ankle the other just below the knee, and she bent it slowly as she observed the limb.

Apparently, there hadn't been too much to worry about. After a lot of fuss and commotion, some tests and x-rays, everyone was satisfied that she was in no immediate danger. Actually, she had only pulled some stitches hard enough for the blood to build and seep out of both the dressing and her vest. It seemed that her emotional outburst had been a lot more intense than she had realised, her upset and the drugs blending in to minimise the actual pain. Still, the tangle of fright and trauma had still been thick in her chest.

''5 mostly, maybe 6 sometimes.''

Kate nodded gently, still looking at the leg as she put it through a soft range of movement. It seemed in pretty good shape, considering, and she expected a full recovery for the Agent.

''How're your fatigue levels?''

The redhead wondered lightly, starting to ease JJ's leg back into the cast. As she placed it into the cradle like mould, the Doctor flicked her eyes up to look at the blonde for a moment to study hazy, duller blue eyes. It was a change from what she had observed in the past couple of days. From what she had seen of JJ, she was a fighter. There was a determination in there that Kate admired. Today, she sensed that there was something on her mind causing a duller look to surface.

''I'm a little sluggish, I guess. The drugs are kinda suppressive, otherwise I feel good.''

''And how're you sleeping?''

JJ shrugged gently.

''Fine, yeah.''

''No disturbances?''

''Nope.''

''How's your appetite?''

''Great.''

Kate sighed. After finishing re-strapping up the cast, the older woman pulled the sheet back up over her patient to her waist where it had previously been. With the emergency over, the stitches redone and the bleeding taken care of with new bandages, JJ was changed again. Kate had been paged to be informed of JJ's condition, immediately coming back up to the floor from lunch in order to help take care of things. After seeing the changes in JJ, Kate had decided to go one on one to try and get to the bottoms of things.

The redhead removed the stethoscope from around her neck as she sank down to perch on the side of the hospital bed.

''So you feel good, all things considering?''

''Yeah, I feel pretty good. Does that mean I can go home yet? It's been a couple of weeks, you said it could be okay.''

Kate nodded lightly as she let her eyes roam the room for a second. This room had been JJ's home since her admit, and there had been a few personal things brought, cards were on show, balloons and flowers. A lot of people cared for this woman, her colleagues, friends, and all her family. Most of them had been by at some time or another to thank her for her care. They were nice people; JJ was obviously surrounded by a good net of people, supportive and caring. That would help her greatly throughout recovery.

''Yes, I did. And I'd be very willing to discuss it, but I'm not going to release you if you keep lying to me JJ.''

Over the past couple of weeks, she and JJ had talked quite a bit. How could they not? They had both taken a shine for the same woman, of course they were bound to end up talking about the situation they had found themselves flung into. JJ hadn't felt threatened by Kate's presence, though. She trusted Emily, for starters, but it was clear that Kate only had eyes for Joey. Still, they'd talked a little about it, teased Emily a little at her initial discomfort of having her 'fuck buddy' and her girlfriend getting all chatty. They had built the beginning of a good rapport. It was this insight that clued Kate up to the fact that the blonde was lying to her about her answers.

''Am I that obvious?''

When she was busted she was busted, JJ didn't try to pretend, and it was obvious it would do no good.

''Look, I know that we have a semi-personal...thing, with the Emily situation and all, but I'm still _your _Doctor. Anything you tell me is in the strictest confidence, and if you only tell one person how you're feeling, it needs to be me. I need to know how you're doing so I can treat you accordingly and get you on your feet as quick as possible. So, do you want to try those answers again?''

JJ swallowed, sighing thoughtfully before clearing her throat.

''It's 7 most of the time, sometimes an 8. It just...it hurts, all of the time and it's exhausting. I have to push and struggle to stay awake, I'm groggy, I can't concentrate and I don't feel much of anything other than that. I don't feel like eating, and every time I close my eyes I just...I see that kid, and I see that gun. So yeah, I have some disturbances.''

JJ took a breath, frowning slightly as she tried to compose herself as a mixture of relief and doubt washed through her.

''I don't tell anyone, especially Emily, because I don't want her to think that I regret my decision. I'd do it again. It's just a lot, you know? And he was just a kid. His eyes were hollow, he just fired and there was nothing in his eyes, no remorse. He would've killed her, and he didn't care if he killed me. And all of this could have been prevented if I had done something about my screwed up personal life in the first place. If it weren't for me, no one would be going through this much.''

Kate remained quiet through JJ's emotional rant, listening to the words become more and more cracked with feeling, and as the blonde's breath got shallower and shallower. Calmly, the Doctor moved to take the oxygen mask from the wall, turning on the flow and putting it over the spiralling Agent's mouth and nose.

''Just breathe, nice and slow. Deep breathes, JJ.''

The younger woman did as she was told, concentrating on controlling her breathing again as Kate kept on repeating her calming mantra until she didn't need the mask anymore. Eventually, the redhead put the mask back before sitting back down in her previous position.

''You have been through a great amount of trauma, Jennifer. You were shot, twice. I know you know that, and I'm sure that you've experienced shootings in your line of work. But I need to remind you that bullets don't just slip in; they rotate and tear up everything inside your body. They literally rip through you, causing a huge deal of damage...''

JJ swallowed as she looked at Kate, practically transfixed by her eyes, as she held her own skilfully.

''Surgery is just as traumatic to the body; there are reasons why we try to minimise our use of it. You need to give yourself a break; you need to let yourself recover. Stop pushing yourself. You don't need to prove anything to anyone. We can talk about adjusting your medications so they don't make you so sluggish, we can work on lowering your pain levels and we can make sure you get the nutrients you need without eating if needs be...''

Kate smiled gently.

''There's a whole host of things that I can do to help you if you just talk to me and tell me what's going on. If you don't, I can't help. And I'm going to suggest that you speak to someone about the shooting, I can have a therapist come down here to see you. No is going to think you regret anything if you talk about it, you were shot for crying out loud. And talking to someone like that is a lot better than having emotional outbursts and anxiety attacks that break your stitches, right?''

JJ nodded vaguely, a little relieved that Kate had managed to push her. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to anyone about what was going on, she didn't want to keep secrets from Emily. But part of her did worry that the brunette would think she regretted it, when in actual fact, she was just trying to adjust to everything. It was a little scary. Everything had changed in a short amount of time, and as much as she was positive and secure about part of her life, she needed a little bit of help in the here and now. It was all catching up to her.

''Yeah, it is. Thank you.''

''There's no need to thank me. Look, I'm not qualified to weigh in on your personal life, but if you wouldn't mind a little unsolicited friendly observation?''

''Go ahead.''

''You're only human; JJ, and we all make mistakes. From everything I've gathered, you did what you had to do. You ripped off the band-aid, you came clean. Now, you have a lot of people surrounding you that love you and support you. Other's might not handle what happened so well, but you know you at least told the truth in the end and you know you spared her a lot more pain because at some point in the future, it would have fallen apart. Stick with those that stick by you, they're the ones you need to keep. If anyone else can't deal, then they can't, you did your best.''

JJ looked at the other woman in appreciation, grateful for the advice from a relative outsider. She hadn't known Kate, and at least on her side, she wasn't entangled in all this mess. An outsider's opinion was sometimes needed and refreshing. Perhaps she had done her best, it hadn't been all perfect, but in the end she had told the truth. There had been no intent to cause pain, but she had known she couldn't have spared it either. She'd just done her best, and people were either going to get over it or not, it was out of her control.

What was in her control however, was everything else. How she conducted herself now. Kate was right; she needed to let herself heal properly, physically and mentally. She shouldn't be ashamed of needing an outlet for what had happened, and she shouldn't be worried about Emily's reaction. The woman loved her; she wouldn't think she regretted anything.

''Things have a funny way of working out, don't they?''

The FBI Agent mused softly, smirking just slightly to indicate that the words had made an impact. Kate scoffed, rolling her eyes as she grunted with a nod.

''Indeed they do!''

JJ's soft smirk turned into more of a lop sided smile. She could definitely see what Emily had seen in Kate. She was beautiful, smart very sweet in nature, just an all around good person with plenty of insight.

''Thank you, Kate, I appreciate everything.''

''No thanks at all necessary; I'm here to help. And I'm going to start straight away by tackling your pain, okay? Just promise that you'll think about talking to someone, and no more bursting stitches.''

''You got it!''

It did feel better; JJ didn't really know why she had tried to downplay her pain. She supposed it was simply a habit of a lifetime.

''Hey, what's going on? Did something happen?''

Both Doctor and Agent turned toward the doorway at the familiar sound of Emily's voice. The brunette stood uncertainly by the open door, frowning slightly in concern. She had ventured out of the hospital, a habit that she had kept to a minimum these past couple of weeks; she preferred to stay with JJ if she could. But sometimes she needed to go, either because JJ kicked her out to get some real rest, or she needed to organise something at work, or organise something for JJ's impending release from the hospital. She'd need support, and an environment she could negotiate until she was back on her feet. Emily was doing her best to make sure both JJ and her own apartment was suitable.

''Why don't I give you some privacy, and I'll be by to check on you in a little while.''

JJ nodded with a thankful smile as Kate got up. The redhead smiled at Emily before exiting the room, leaving the two women in an unusually uncomfortable silence. Maybe not uncomfortable exactly, but Emily was too astute not to pick up certain vibes. She obviously knew something had happened and/or was going on, and was thrown by it.

''Are you okay?''

The profiler ventured almost cautiously as she lifted an eyebrow. JJ had always noticed how when Emily was thrown or unsure of something, her enunciation became perfect. JJ had no idea why she had noted that, but she had. Still, clearing her throat she shook her head a little, instead moving a hand to pat a space on the bed.

Emily moved forward, dropping her bag onto the floor before shuffling herself up onto the bed.

''I popped a couple of stitches while you were gone, bled through the dressing. They've checked me out, I'm fine. All stitched up again.''

The blonde assured softly, stroking through some dark strands of hair as she explained. Emily didn't look entirely thrilled at the thought of her bleeding, instead looked worried as hell.

''Are you sure you're okay? How did you manage to do that?''

''Well, I had a little...outburst. A friend of mine came by to chew me out about Delilah, it got a little heated I guess. It's not her fault, she's just a mutual friend caught in the crossfire, she'll probably come around. But, Em, I think I'm gunna speak to a therapist about what happened.''

Breathing out, Emily looked down toward the bed as her shoulders dropped a little. JJ frowned; beginning to get worried that Emily was taking this the wrong way. She could see her just enough to see the brunette's tongue roll across her lips as she took a couple of deep breaths. God, she had been wrong, the profiler did think she regretted her decision.

But as Emily looked up, JJ's frown deepened with confusion as her girlfriend smiled at her, a look of relief running through her. Emily took JJ's hand and squeezed it gently.

''I think that would be for the best, baby.''

''You do?''

JJ couldn't hide the sheer surprise in her voice, and evidently it make Emily chuckle softly as she leant forward and placed a soft kiss on her lips before stroking along her face.

''JJ, honey, you were shot. You don't have to hide your pain about that, physical or emotional. It doesn't mean you're weak, and it doesn't mean I'm going to think it's a negative reflection on our relationship. It doesn't, and I want you to get the help you need to recover properly. I love you, and I'll do anything to get you through this.''

Emily's statement was an honest one; it was a heartfelt promise not out of guilt, but out of love and support. Whatever the reasons, her girlfriend had still been shot; there was no two ways around that. However much JJ was at peace with her motivations, of her devotion, it still didn't take away or belittle the huge event she had gone through, and was still going through. It wasn't as though speaking to a professional was an absurd notion, not in the slightest. Emily really did think it was for the best. JJ might not need more than one or two sessions, it didn't matter, she could go for as little or as long as she needed. The important thing was to not keep anything bottled up, and a specialist, especially one that dealt with trauma events, would be the best to lead JJ off her minefield.

''I know you will, thank you. I love you too.''

XXX

''Ow!''

''Sorry!''

''You're a sucky driver, you know that?''

JJ drawled dryly, lifting up a pretend unimpressed eyebrow as she waited for the fleeting pain to subside after her wheelchair had hit the doorframe of her apartment door with a thud. Evidently, her brother had misjudged the space of the door, which had resulted in the collision.

''I'm a great driver, stop complaining.''

Prior quipped as he reversed the wheelchair before correcting the angle to then push JJ through without incident. He had volunteered to pick her up from the hospital upon her release, wanting to spend as much time with her as possible after managing to get down for a few days. It wasn't easy for a family to leave a family farm; someone generally had to be there. But after a lot of organising Prior had been able to make his way down to Washington D.C to spend a little more time with his sister, and meet this new woman of hers.

He'd been intrigued to meet this Emily Prentiss after he'd learnt about JJ's affair. For a while it hadn't computed in his head, JJ was so against the idea of cheating because of their parents. She'd been the most adamant among the four of them that it was just wrong, that it was destructive. Now to learn that she had not only been having an affair, but ultimately been willing to give up her life for this woman? It was definitely safe to say he was intrigued.

Even after meeting her, he could safely say he was still intrigued. Emily was trying very hard to impress or prove something to all of them. To play the part that would most satisfy everyone, because she thought she needed to make the effort to get in good with them. Prior had noticed that his parents had taken an immediate shine to Emily, and from his talks with Sadie and Oliver, they pretty much concurred. They were surprised at the twist of events, of course, but they thought that if their sister was willing to make such a sacrifice, then Emily must have been worth it.

Of course, he thought that too. But he also wanted to know the real Emily. He could see some of the more immediate things that JJ saw in her. She was beautiful, that was for sure. She was intelligent, witty and very friendly. Obviously compassionate, and very perceptive and sweet. Prior could also tell that Emily loved his sister very, very much. He had a sneaking feeling that she was going to turn out just as enigmatic as JJ too, from the mystery and depth in her eyes.

''Oh yeah? So what's that new dent in my doorway huh?''

JJ retorted back, rolling and scoffing immaturely as Prior continued to push her into the apartment. Things had changed. Since she had left it last, now three weeks ago, it had changed. Firstly, it was emptier. It was a little hard; she had to admit, to see the place without any of Delilah's stuff there. However imperfect it had been, they had still shared something and given five years to each other, that was by no means a small thing.

The blonde let out a shaky breath, adjusting slowly to the differences and the changes, even the atmosphere seemed different without the blend of possessions. Some photographs were missing too, a painting, things from the kitchen that only Delilah really used, and all kinds of different things. JJ suspected her bedroom would be much the same way, just as she suspected that the tidiness of the place had come not from Delilah but from Emily.

That was another significant change to the atmosphere, it might have sounded crazy, but she could literally feel Emily's presence within the atmosphere despite the fact that she wasn't here. It felt warm and comfortable, safe and wonderful. It was a positive change, almost like a breath of fresh air. JJ hated to make things so cut and dry, perhaps even crude, but she felt as though a cancer had been cut out of her life, leaving nothing but healthy and viable space with a flush of uplifting and healing energy. However anyone felt about what she had done, however she felt about what she had done, ultimately it was for the better. It wasn't just something she had tried to convince her with, she could feel it in her bones and it was a phenomenal feeling.

''Oh quit your whining, it's fine!''

Prior jerked JJ's wheelchair to a halt and gained a shit-eating grin across his face as she huffed at the sudden stop as it lurched her slightly. Honestly, every time they got together they ended up acting like teenagers or something, petulant but always meant in good fun.

Still smirking, the older man walked around the chair and plopped himself of the couch to face his sister. She had been looking around studiously, charting every change there was to see. For a moment, she didn't realise he was watching her. As she looked around her apartment living room studiously, he watched her studiously. Tracked the changes in her face, in her eyes.

She looked better, her eyes were brighter again, her skin was getting its usual honeycomb glow back and her hair was shining brightly again. It was good to see. Amazing to see, actually. His little sister was bouncing back, showing her true fighting spirit. The pain had lessened some, for now anyway, her drugs weren't as heavy, giving her chance to be more herself. She was eating a lot better, and things were going well. The Doctor had been all too happy to release her, as long as she had around the clock help. JJ certainly wasn't short of volunteers.

''You glad to be home?''

JJ breathed in slowly, sweeping her eyes across her apartment again. As an FBI Agent, you had to come to accept the fact that when you left your home you might never come back. You had to accept that things happened out there, it was dangerous and risky and the worst could happen. They had been shown that time and time again. Elle had snapped, Penelope had been shot, Gideon had burnt out, Hotch was loosing his family, Rossi had no family, and that was only to name a few. Shit happened, all of the time, even to the people you thought were brave enough and strong enough to weather the storms.

You had to accept these things, that in this line of work, you were giving over a part of yourself that could be destroyed in a thousand different ways. Death was definitely not the worst thing that could happen. But you also couldn't dwell on that, because if you did you'd freeze. You'd be no use to anybody. You had to trust your instincts, you had to do what you thought was best, you had to be willing to let go of your control, let go of the life you had as you knew it. You had to trust yourself.

It was a hard thing to do, trusting yourself. When lives were at stake, when the world was watching you, when the stakes were impossibly high, it was only human to doubt yourself. It was only human to buckle under that enormous pressure. Maybe it was a balancing act, JJ didn't know. Maybe to be able to not buckle at work, you ended up buckling in your personal life. Maybe that's what she had done. But in the end she had trusted herself, and let go of her control. Instincts were definitely a powerful thing, and hers may not have been perfect, but she trusted them.

The apartment was different, emptier and a little weird. But it was also fuller somehow, positive and there was space to breathe. It was airy and light and wonderful. The windows were open; the warm breeze flowed through bringing in the fresh scent from outside.

The apartment was different, but so was she, and that was okay.

''You have no idea.''

Prior nodded softly as he looked around.

''Emily moved some stuff, you know, to make it easier to negotiate your wheels. I helped!''

''So, I mean…you like her? Emily?''

JJ broached softly, trying to hide her sudden anxiousness that was represented by her teeth biting her bottom lip lightly. It wasn't as though JJ had gone out of her way to seek approval about her relationships before, and she wasn't exactly seeking it now. What she wanted was her family to love Emily as much as she did, to see the heart underneath the dorky nervousness and the knowledge of their affair. She was going to spend the rest of her life with Emily, so she wanted her family to love her too, they'd be seeing her quite a bit from now on.

''Well let's see…she's mysterious…complicated, and enigmatic. She's perfect for you!''

JJ snickered and rolled her eyes, laughing because it was quite true. Still, she swatted at her brother, still wanting a serious answer from him.

''Stop it! I mean it. Right now she feels like she has something to prove to everybody, like she has to earn something. She'd do anything for me, you know? And I love her so much; she's just…she's my air. We never planned on this, we never set out to hurt anyone or expected any of this to happen. We were just two broken people that set eyes on each other across a darkened bullpen, and that was enough. Somehow we just fixed each other. She's like no one I've ever met before, and to be honest, sometimes she scares me a little. And it's the best feeling in the world.''

For a long time JJ had been weary of getting close to people, particularly in a romantic way. She thought Delilah had cured her of that, but in the end she had been a safety blanket. Perhaps it was the effects of loosing her sister at such a young age, despite having the love and support she'd received afterward. Maybe more could have been done, who knew? What was done was done, and at least now she could make a clean break. Ever since she had been little she had been selective on who got close to her. She ran from people, and she had run from relationships. She had been running in her relationship with Delilah without even realising it, cutting herself off and hiding parts of herself. She had convinced herself that it wasn't significant, that she _had _to love Delilah even when she didn't. It wasn't any way to live, she was an intense person; it was hard to live at arms length with someone like that.

Emily had been able to handle everything she had thrown at her, with exceptional ease and even an excited willingness. The brunette may not have realised it, had convinced herself that she couldn't commit and let her own demons control her much like JJ had done. Where people assumed that she was purely the light and bouncy type of girl, passive and sweet and quiet, it wasn't the entirety of her persona. Kept carefully hidden within, JJ boasted some rather intense, and it had to be said, complicated and with darker emotions and plenty of presence. And she held them with an intensity that scared most people, perhaps that was why Delilah had attempted to suppress and control. What ran beneath the exterior she presented most of the time, ran deep and felt like a force of nature wrapped up in the scenery of a beautiful view. People took heart by her calmness, by her patience and her kindness.

JJ certainly was all those things, cool and collected and capable. She was professional and loyal and stoic without being cut off. JJ had the ability to mask her feelings to focus, or to let her brain switch off to do something light and easy to give herself a break from the demanding nature of her job. But underneath, however, raged passion and a force that could be like a storm. Sometimes it was dark, which was why it could scare people like it had scared the Baltimore Detective. She loved intimacy, she loved connection and she loved the gritty gore of everything. If she felt for someone she wanted to feel them in her blood, under her skin. She wanted them to be the same way, but as she had found out since she had taken her first plunge into the dating game, most people couldn't handle it. Her newly finished relationship could clearly attest to that.

But Emily Prentiss? Emily was different. Emily could handle all her intensity, had seen the depths of her personality, the darker side as well as her gentler side. The brunette had loved it all, thrived on it all even, and moreover, she had recognised it all immediately. She enjoyed her aggressiveness too, her forwardness as well as the softer sides. Emily hadn't lacked once, and was just as intense and insatiable.

JJ simply couldn't wait to get going with their relationship without the drama and complication of everything else. A fresh start for them both, where they didn't have to hide, and they didn't have to share one another. The blonde was raring to go, she was excited and crazily consumed with everything Emily.

''That sounds a lot like what Emily had to say about you. Look, Jenny, no one has to prove squat, okay? There are certain things in this family that need to be dealt with; one of them is how we all treated you. We've misunderstood and underestimated you for so long, and look where it lead you. You felt broken and trapped and you couldn't even turn to us for help. I think you've made a pretty big point about how you feel for Emily, and how special she is. We all like her, and as long as you're happy now, then that's all that really matters.''

Prior smirked softly, an air of understanding forming in regard to his sister and her feelings, her motives. Maybe being so far away from her obscured things between them sometimes, because sitting here looking at her as she described the woman she risked her life for, Prior suddenly started to understand the blonde a lot better. Not just around her life, but her work too.

JJ not only did what she did because she felt she had to, but because she wanted to. Because she was just that person, she was strong and she knew she could help, she knew she could do something in her own way. Everyone had to figure out what they could do, and JJ had. Maybe she hadn't been able to figure absolutely everything out in one go, but who did? She had believed enough to take a huge risk, and that was a pretty loud statement that they all had to listen to.

''Thank you, so much. I love you.''

JJ cleared her throat, not trying too hard to keep the emotion in. It was a great thing to hear coming from a big brother, and it was a nice feeling to have pieces of her life finally starting to fit into place.

''I love you too.''

Pulling himself forward, Prior leant in and kissed his little sister on the cheek, making her chuckle slightly. Whoever was going to speak first was interrupted by voices approaching the door, and as the older man stood up properly, JJ turned as best she could to see, instantly recognising at least one lilting tone of the voices. As they got closer, it didn't take her long to distinguish the other one either as it laughed almost sadistically.

That laugh of course, belonged to none other than Penelope Garcia, friend extraordinaire.

''Hey, you're back already! And I was gunna hang banners!''

Garcia's elation at seeing her best friend in her lovely home once more turned into a disappointment which made her shoulders sag as she sighed. She had had it all planned out, there would be banners and streamers and the whole shebang!

''I wasn't going to let her hang banners!''

Emily countered dryly, shaking her head slightly and receiving an evil glare from the quirky blonde.

''Thank god!''

JJ breathed out teasingly, watching as Garcia dumped the grocery bag that she had been carrying so she could engulf JJ with a soft hug and a million kisses across her face. She was so happy that she was finally released from the hospital and doing great, in her experience being home helped a lot. She knew partially what JJ was up against as far as recovery was concerned, though her injuries had been different. Still, it gave her an insight and Penelope was all but too happy to help her fellow blonde out in any way shape or form. JJ had done the same for her too.

''Okay, okay, Penny I need to breathe! Plus at this rate Emily will get jealous!''

''No I'm good…''

The brunette countered yet again from somewhere off in the distance as she started to put the groceries away in the kitchen, unperturbed by Garcia's 'kiss attack'. The technical analyst just squeaked happily as she ran her fingers through JJ's hair, looking at her for a moment before giving her one last kiss on the forehead. Standing back, she finally noticed the only man in the room. The very hansom, smoking hot man…!

''Well hello there.''

''Oh, Pen this is my older brother Prior. Prior this is Penelope Garcia.''

Prior reached out his hand politely.

''Hi.''

''Bonjour…''

Emily snickered from the kitchen at Garcia's lecherous tone as she eyed Prior up and down like she wanted to jump him right there on the spot. What made her laugh even harder was Prior's slightly terrified look. He had a good reason to be terrified, indeed!

XXX

''_Fuck_!''

JJ hadn't felt this bad for a long time. Hell, she didn't even think getting shot was as painful as this. At least then the agony had been masked by adrenaline and unconsciousness. At least most of the pain thereafter had been curbed with the strongest drugs on the planet. Drugs that she was currently being weaned off of, much to her displeasure.

This? This right here? This was awful. In fact, it was so past awful she didn't have a word for it.

''C'mon Jennifer, push through.''

If she had had her gun right now, she swore to god that she would have loaded the clip right into her overly pushy, overly perky physical therapist. A girl that was barely the age of her little sister, for crying out loud. If she had wanted to be bossed around by a kid she would have asked Sadie to do it.

There, the cranky FBI Agent knew she had hit her limit today. She was halted in the middle of the walk matt with the rails at either side, the ones she was clinging onto right now in effort to hold herself up to take the pressure off her leg which ultimately put pressure on her abdomen. She was sweaty, and grumpy, clad in her old, grey Georgetown t-shirt and a pair of shorts along with the running shoes that was once upon a time been used in the time when she could actually walk, let alone jog and run.

''No, that's it, I'm done.''

The blonde snapped angrily, scowling at the younger woman. The quiet, pleasant Jennifer Jareau had left the building, leaving an altogether unfamiliar, horrible Jennifer. She blew at the stand of hair that was currently taunting her as it dangled in front of her face like it knew she couldn't let go to reach up and swipe it away. The rest of her hair was tied up, swinging behind her lightly as she shook.

Her body was actually shaking, be it from the anger or the pain, as she gritted her teeth, still scowling with a death glare that could wilt the bravest heart.

''You're not done until I say you're done, now move.''

''No! I said I'm done, and you're fired.''

''You can't fire me, I don't work for you. Move your ass.''

''Fuck you!''

At the practically screeched out insult, Emily felt it was time to intervene. She had been sat nearby, offering encouragement to her girlfriend as she went through her routines in physiotherapy. They had been smaller, simpler ones at the start, aimed at building up her strength bit by bit. It wasn't just a fact of getting her back onto her feet, it was her abdomen too, and one affected the other. She had to be built right back up again, her muscles had to recover from everything, and as Kate had warned, it was no easy or painless feat. Still, JJ had been doing well. True to form, she had been putting her heart and soul into her physio. Also true to form, JJ had been attempting to push herself before physiotherapy had begun, much to everyone's dismay. Right now, however, the blonde was on the verge of giving up. She had a high pain threshold, but it seemed that she felt like she was nearing her limit. She could do it, though; it was just a matter of believing in herself. It wasn't the pain that was putting her off, it was the fear, Emily could see it.

''JJ, honey, its just a few more steps. I know it hurts, I know you're scared, but you're doing great.''

Emily couldn't help but flinch just a little as JJ's death glare swung onto her, like the damn evil eye of Sauron. A scathing, wrathful and downright terrifying look that Emily had only invoked one or twice before.

''Don't fucking 'honey' me, you don't _know _anything. I don't need you _or _that fucking 2-year-old idiot telling me what the hell to do. It hurts? I'm scared? You don't know shit…I know, lets ram a metal rod into each of your bones and see how damn well you both do, huh? So don't you 'honey' me, Emily, you patronising, self involved, clueless bitch. Fuck you and all that sail in you.''

Yes, it was somewhat hurtful, but it was an outburst. Emily was bruised for maybe half a second, willing to take the words to heart until she realised that they were hollow. Despite the anger pouring through them, there was no real malice. JJ was hurting not just physically but emotionally. She was wounded, her pride was wounded. It was like being taught how to move again, how to walk again, she felt embarrassed. She was used to being strong, capable and active. This outpouring of words, it meant nothing. It was good, in a way; it was coming out instead of staying in. The more that poured out, the more it would help. Once JJ was rid of it, she could concentrate properly.

The other thing was, that during the word vomit outpour, JJ had moved a couple of little steps and hadn't noticed. Encouraged, Emily quirked an unimpressed eyebrow toward her irate girlfriend.

''Yeah? Well up until six weeks ago _you _were sailing in me. Frequently. So if you ever want that to happen again, I suggest you come over here and put your money where your damn mouth is, _honey_.''

Emily ignored the slightly impressed, slightly surprised look that she gained from the physiotherapist. Claudia was well aware of their relationship, it was the pure sass that Emily was throwing back after receiving that hurl of abuse. It wasn't as though it was incredibly easy to brush off. Still, Emily had vowed to help and support JJ in anyway possible.

''Is that all you can think about? Sex? Is that it? Let's just forget about everything else, right? You just want to get laid!''

''That's right, I do. I also want you to get over yourself and stop standing around feeling sorry for yourself. It's not attractive; JJ, and I'd really appreciate it if I could get my girlfriend back sometime this century, you know?''

''Why are you being such a bitch?''

Emily glanced at Claudia, smirking lightly before she looked back at the younger woman who had managed to walk to the end of the bars and not even realise it. As she looked at JJ, proudly, the blonde looked so lost and confusion as to what the hell was going on.

''Because you were so pissed off at me that you didn't even realise you were walking, Jennifer. Look.''

At the softer, kinder tone, which was full of love and compassion, JJ was prompted to look down to look around her, before dropping her eyes to her feet. Indeed, the brunette was right, she had moved to the end, taking those few steps that had seemed impossible to her just a minute ago. She had felt defeated, ready and willing to give up, but Emily hadn't let her. She had pushed through with her, maybe for her, allowing her to focus on something else other than what she had to do, other than the pain it caused and the fears it provoked. She had allowed that by being lashed out at, and purposefully provoking her.

JJ had a girlfriend that was willing to do that for her, take that kind of abuse that wasn't really directed at her, JJ didn't even know why she had said those things. They were unlike her, they were awful and spurred on by a defeatist attitude that was incredibly unfamiliar. But when she thought about what she had to push for, who she had by her side, it wasn't an attitude that stayed within her for long.

''Oh god!''

''JJ…''

''Oh god! I was such an asshole. I can't believe I was _such _an asshole.''

The blonde sagged, the anger she had felt only moments before warping quickly into guilt and sadness. JJ could not prevent the tears from welling up and rolling out of her eyes and down her cheeks as she sniffed lightly, biting her lip as she mentally screamed at herself.

''You weren't an asshole.''

''I was! I was an asshole…''

As JJ turned herself slightly so that she could slip back into the wheelchair that she hated with a huff, she refused to look up at her lover. The one that had taken her shit every time she had gotten irritable or angry over something without making one single complaint. What was that? She had no right to dump on Emily like that; she couldn't believe she'd let herself.

But as the brunette knelt down, the blonde had no choice but to reluctantly look up as Emily lifted her chin gently. She gave her one of those classic Emily Prentiss understanding looks, the one that ran into her very core with how sincere and powerful it was. One of those looks which made JJ not only see, but feel, how much Emily saw her.

''Hey, you 're not an asshole, okay? You're in pain and you're tired of all this shit, I get it. You weren't saying it to me; you were saying it at me. It's out now, and you walked. You're getting over the hump JJ; you're almost there. So you're not an asshole, you're my idiot.''

Emily gave the blonde a lop sided grin, all goofy and foolish and adoring. Stroking through the strands of hair that JJ had forgotten about already and squeezing the younger woman's hand, the FBI Agent ended what could have been a drastic spiral. She had nothing but respect for the woman she loved, no matter how much she thought she wasn't, she was getting stronger and doing it quickly. The anger was pure frustration and humiliation, it was hard for JJ not to just be able to get up and do something, and she put a lot of effort into her training.

''I'm still sorry, I really am. I'm sorry Claudia.''

JJ looked up at her trainer apologetically, but the younger woman simply shrugged.

''Hey, its already forgotten. I want to see that sass in your walking tomorrow, I hear you have quite the swagger!''

JJ stalled, reddening a little as her jaw dropped open. Turning to Emily, she lifted an eyebrow as the profiler whistled softly as she pretended to look around!

XXX

''Oh, my god, it is _so _good to see you back in these halls. I have missed you _so _much!''

JJ huffed lightly as her best friend slammed into her, catching the air of desperation and pure, unadulterated relief and also the taught tension in the computer whizzes voice. Garcia gripped onto her for dear life, as though if she let go, the world would end. Her arms were wrapped around her, trapping her own arms and rendering her unable to move, or comfort.

Somewhat bemused, JJ lifted her eyebrows as she tried to peer down at her shorter friend. Penelope made no signs of letting her go anytime soon, they were standing out in the middle of the hallway with passers by looking on with amusement, most of which gave some kind of heads up or a wave and smile toward her. Smiling or nodding back, JJ felt touched by her colleagues' hellos. Some closer ones had dropped by the hospital to give their well wishes; some had sent things or signed cards. It was nice to be reminded that the people she worked side by side with cared, and looked forward to return.

''I've missed you too Penelope, but I kinda…well I can't move!''

Immediately, with an alarmed squeak, Garcia jumped back and started to straighten out JJ's clothing.

''I'm sorry, I've had a habit of doing that haven't I?''

''It's okay. Are _you _okay?''

Garcia slapped her hand over her heart, sighing softly as she batted her eyes up at her fellow blonde.

''Oh, you're such a sweetheart, you've been through hell and high water and you're still worried about me. That's why we all love you.''

Clearing her throat softly as she blushed a little, JJ took a quick scan around the corridor to try and control her embarrassment a little bit. When she looked back at her friend, she shrugged gently.

''I feel fine, Garcia. I lose the crutch in a week, and I just had my psych eval, I'm cleared for duty. I start back tomorrow!''

Waving her clearance paper around in the air with excitement, JJ practically bounced on the balls of her feet. She was so ready to get back to work. Although she could pretend to grumble about the amount of work she had to contend with, JJ had realised throughout this whole experience, that she was as much addicted to it, as she was coffee. Staying out of work and at home was one of the hardest things she'd had to do. Being on holiday was one thing, but sitting around at home was not her cup of tea. Her physio kept her busy for parts of the day, and she'd been out and about, and generally she was happy because her energy was up and she was physically and emotionally doing great.

Some things were still just a little too different though. Emily had taken some time off to take care of her, and that had been great. But when she had gone back to work just over a week ago, JJ had missed her presence. What she also missed was their connection. The brunette had lived up to her promise, and JJ really didn't know if she could have picked up as well as she had without her. They had their deep talks, did silly things together, and enjoyed just living and having the time together. Physically though, nothing had happened.

JJ knew why she had been hesitant to try anything or even bring it up, but she had no idea why Emily hadn't, and it was worrying her. So she felt happy to have gotten her clearance to come back to work, at least she'd have something to occupy her, and she would be nearer her girlfriend.

''_You do_? Thank god! Girl, you have no idea how boring its been around here without my foxy best friend! I mean, I love our kids and everything, but there's only so much spanking, dirty talk and parenting one girl can do without you!''

Garcia did bounce, very happily with a squee in her voice.

''Been misbehaving, have they?''

''You have no idea! They got all _riled_ up when Emily came back; I think she's a bad influence on the others. But you know how _bad_ she is!''

''Not lately I don't.''

She had meant to say that in her head, but it ended up falling out of her mouth as a snickered mumble that was loud and clear enough for the shorter woman to catch. Before she knew it, Garcia had taken hold of her elbow, shuffling her along the hallway and into her office. Blinking, the blonde jumped as the door was slammed shut before Penelope turned to face her properly.

''Okay, we're safe in here with my babies. You're having trouble in lesbian heaven?''

The amusement from moments ago had now turned into concern, the expression on the technical analysts face was one that signalled she was all ears and ready to dig in and help. She had been to see JJ a lot since she was off, sometimes chatting to her over the Internet too, and not once had the younger woman mentioned any trouble in paradise. She had seen for herself how flammable her two lovely lady friends were together, so it was surprising that the waters had run cold, especially after everything that had happened recently.

Garcia could only watch in dismay as JJ's shoulders sagged before she walked over to a nearby chair to sit down, propping up her crutch against the desk.

''Since the shooting, we haven't…you know. I mean, at first it wasn't an issue, I couldn't. But now…we sleep together, we're just as close, maybe closer. Everything we had before is still there, stronger, but there's nothing happening.''

Moving to sit opposite her friend, Penelope took in a slow and thoughtful breath, a range of scenarios passing through her head. There could be many reasons why there was no action between the sheets, and from the look in JJ's eyes she could see that the blonde was a little scared. She looked a little vulnerable, but she knew her friend well. After everything that had happened, Garcia had learnt not to take certain things for granted anymore.

''Jayj, honey, you obviously haven't talked to her about this, so what's going on in that head of yours? I know for a fact you're not shy, so why are you holding back on _making _something happen?''

JJ looked at Penelope, not being able to stop the tears from seeping into her eyes. She could feel them there, ready and eager to fall as a sharp, thick lump formed in her throat. It was true that she hadn't broached the subject with Emily, although she had wanted to. But her own fears had stopped her, and the musings that she had let spiral out of control as to Emily's reasons had scared her even more.

''I don't…I mean I…what if…''

''JJ, use your words.''

''I _look _different.''

JJ tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but it simply moved down to her chest. The tears she had kept at bay slowly slipped from her eyes, and she wiped them away quickly, trying to claim back some composure. She didn't want to think the things she was thinking, it wasn't her and it wasn't Emily. But the thoughts had crept in there and had made her start to doubt herself.

''You look different?''

Penelope repeated slowly, frowning slightly in confusion. There was a pause, a momentary silence as she tried to figure out what had her friend so upset. Then, it dawned on her and she took a half breath, half gasp in, in realisation.

''Ooh, your scars. Honeybee, you have nothing to worry about, okay? I can promise you that.''

''How, Penelope? I've changed, what if she doesn't find me as attractive as she did? What if they…put her off?''

Rolling her eyes, Garcia scoffed.

''Are you sure you've been cleared for duty, because you seem a little delirious to me. Have you _seen _the way she looks at you? Trust me, the woman finds you attractive. The woman would have you up against every object if she could.''

''_Then why doesn't she_? I'm fine!''

''Yes, you are. You are a fine piece of ass, and Emily sees that. No little scar is going to stop her from having her way with you. Hell, I don't think much of anything could.''

Annoyed, JJ let out a huff of air before she stood up. Glaring at Penelope, the young blonde FBI Agent started to undo her shirt buttons. She was so worked up and pissed off that she wanted to prove to Garcia why Emily would be put off by her. She didn't care that she was stood in the middle of her office in the middle of the workday; she had a point to prove. And she shuffled out of her burgundy shirt quickly, throwing it to the floor.

''Does that look little to you?''

The half naked blonde demanded, flailing a hand as she turned sideways a little to show off her scar. It was low on her abdomen, but curved a little to the side. True, it had started to heal very well, and it had been so much more garish before. The swelling had gone down, the stitches had come out, and the redness had more or less gone. Now there was just a line, a keepsake of her shooting.

Getting up from her chair, Garcia bent down to peer at it. Squinting, she wondered if her friend really wasn't delirious. There was no way that Emily would be off put by that, it wasn't bad at all. It was just a line; the surgeons had done a great job at minimising the leftover damage.

''Oh come on! Another couple of weeks and it'll barely be noticeable. My scar is bigger than that!''

At JJ's soft scoff, Garcia felt compelled to prove it. Absurdly, the quirky analyst mimicked JJ's, getting rid of her shirt, tossing it aside to prove to her insane best friend that everything was and would be just fine.

''Look, see. Mine is bigger, but it doesn't change a thing. Kevin still lusts after me, my steaming hunk of chocolate out there still fantasies about me, and you'd do me in a heartbeat if I clicked my fingers! I had the same fears, JJ, but you'll realise its just the last part of getting over what happened. You're just freaking out is all, there's no real thing to worry about. You need to _talk to Emily_.''

The two women just looked at one another for a moment, the words sinking in as they lingered in the serious atmosphere. JJ felt compelled to listen to the crazy computer whiz, given that she had given her some serious reality checks in recent history. JJ considered Emily the love of her life, her soul mate, her everything. She made existence better. But without Penelope Garcia, JJ didn't think life would be the same either, and she considered her just as much a soul mate. She had always been there, through the ups and the downs. She had dragged her ass up when she had been down, and she had been there to enjoy the highs. They had spent hours together in and out of work. If there was ever a friend that you wanted in your life, it was this absurd woman who had just stripped off her top to help her fears. JJ didn't think they got much better than that.

Before she had time to speak, however, and much to her dismay, she heard the door click open. Nothing was said for a moment as she and Garcia both looked toward the doorway, where the subject of their conversation was stood in silent bewilderment. Emily stood there, mouth agape, file in one and as the other hadn't let go of the door handle.

''I'm not even going to ask. Did you pass?''

The brunette commented and then asked dryly, knowing there was some perfectly reasonable explanation somewhere out there as to why her friend and her girlfriend were stood around without their clothes on. When it came to Penelope and JJ's friendship, Emily didn't question it much at all. Not even last week when she had come home to find the two of them in their pyjamas, watching shows with popcorn and wrapped up in bed. Emily just didn't question it; Penelope and JJ were Penelope and JJ.

''Yes, I did! I'm back tomorrow.''

JJ smirked, picking up her shirt as Garcia did the same.

''That's awesome baby! I have to get back to work, I just popped in to drop this off for Garcia, so I'll see you at home later and you can get back to doing…whatever it was you two were doing.''

Emily had let go of the handle, striding in to plop her file that she needed Garcia's technical knowledge on, onto the desk before she eyed the two of them not quite suspiciously, but still with that air of weird bewilderment. As the pair had done up their respective tops, Emily leant in to JJ to place a soft kiss on her lips before she slinked out of the room again. She would have stuck around to talk, but she was inundated with work. Two Agent's out of action had really caused the workload to start piling up, it was surprising just how backed up they could get with only two of them missing for a short while.

''Feeling a little better?''

JJ closed her eyes as she ran her hand through her hair for a moment. She had to admit it wasn't like her to make things so much about appearance. She knew Emily found her attractive, logically she did know that. She guessed she had just built up so much pressure in her head for some reason. She couldn't help but reflect on her experience with Delilah. The cop hadn't been worried exactly, but she had considered the idea that her scar would be off-putting. JJ had never seen it like that though, so why would Emily? Garcia was right; maybe it was just the last of everything seeping out of her. Everything had gotten back to normal, or as normal as her life could be.

The passage from being cheaters together to being lovers together in a real relationship had not run smooth, that was for sure. Life had changed dramatically, and they hadn't gotten the perfect start together that they had hoped for. Everything had been put on hold, and everything had happened at once. She had been shot, her family had found everything out, and so had Delilah. They were playing catch up, and the things they had done together weren't so much couple things, but things centred around her recovery. So maybe it was time for a little romance and normalcy to come back into their lives.

''I'm feeling a little stupid, actually. Emily probably just doesn't think I'm ready yet, so I guess its up to me to make her realise that I am.''

''That's the spirit, jump her bones!''

JJ laughed lightly, shrugging a little as she lifted her eyes lecherously as she considered the idea. She hadn't been able to touch Emily for far too long, so it was about damn time that she made it loud and clear that she was horny and ready to roll!

It was time to move on, really move on. Time to leave everything behind, and explore their relationship for real this time. They knew what they could be together, and with no restraints and no complications, it was time to live what they could be together.

''One second!''

JJ grabbed her crutch and quickly began to make her way out of her office and down the hall, once again smiling or saying hi in some way to a couple of colleagues. Reaching the glass doors, the blonde tapped on them loud enough to make people look up, including Emily. JJ gestured her over before she gave a wave toward Morgan and Reid, smiling before stepping back from the doors as Emily made her way over and slipped out into the hall.

''Hey, what's up?''

''I want a date!''

''What?''

Emily couldn't help but begin to smirk at JJ's statement, studying her beautiful face for any trace as to what she was thinking exactly.

''We've never been on a date, Emily, I think its about time we changed that. Moving on from everything that's happened starts with you taking me to dinner tonight, okay?''

Laughing as she looked down for a moment as she rolled her tongue across her lips and tucked back some of her hair, the brunette couldn't think of anything she would rather do than take JJ on a date. To be honest, she had been having some of the same concerns as the blonde, unbeknown to them both of course. JJ was fit, she was able, and it was starting to worry Emily why they were still keeping their hands to themselves. She was prepared to give the blonde as much time as she needed, but it was just unlike JJ to restrain herself. This was a good sign.

''Yes Ma'am!''

She agreed readily, now having extra incentive on shifting the workload that was sitting on her desk. Nothing was going to stop her from getting out of work bang on time and having dinner with her girlfriend.

JJ grinned, leaning in and placing a light, fleeting kiss on the brunette's mouth. With an enigmatic wink, she began to walk away.

''Hey JJ?''

The deeply but pleasantly thoughtful blonde paused in her step, turning slightly as Emily caught her attention once again. The brunette was still hovering just outside the glass doors of the BAU, ready to walk back into her chaotic world. JJ was a few paces away down the hall, heading back to Garcia's office to retrieve her clearance letter to hand over to her boss.

''After I get off work, can I buy you dinner? Take you on a real date?''

Emily enquired, knowing already that it was happening, but making an official show out of asking politely.

''I think something along those lines could be organised, yeah.''

The blonde smirked playfully, mockingly acting coyly and casual, pretending to be unbothered by the offer and play it cool. However, the mischievous smirk and sparkle in her eyes told Emily the truth of her excitement, and how glad she was that she had asked the way she had.

''Okay!''

The profiler chuckled lightly, nodding and pulling a momentary face that signalled her own downplayed excitement.

''Pick me up at 7? It'll give us both chance to get ready.''

JJ offered with some amusement, her mood having picked up substantially.

''You got it.''

The two shared a knowing smile, eyes sparkling as they looked at one another with that silent language that they had, before eventually turning away to drag themselves to their respective locations. As Emily received curious questions from Morgan and Reid as they saw her return, JJ got the comfort of Garcia's office before eventually putting in her clearance letter and finding her way home. The smile never faded away from her lips.

XXX

Emily wasn't nervous as she pulled up outside of JJ's apartment building. It was a nice little surrounding area, somehow fitting the blonde perfectly. Apparently she had taken on her apartment as a little project, it had been run down after the last tenant, and JJ had put a lot of effort into making it what it was now.

As Emily made her way through and up the building to JJ's front door, she pressed the buzzer, clearing her throat as she brushed some imaginary lint off of her shirt. Sure, they had done things together as friends, and they had been engaging in a relationship already, but they really hadn't ever been on a date, so the brunette wanted this to be flawless and special. She had put her head down studiously for the remainder of the day as to get through her work, writing up thorough reports and notes. Her body had ached a little given that she had hunched over her desk the whole day, but she didn't care. She'd taken a steaming hot shower upon arriving home to work out the kinks, and had taken her time to get ready before she needed to set off.

Emily knew just the place to take JJ tonight. Somewhere that was pleasant and quite small and very friendly. It was just a place that had a great atmosphere and great food, nothing overly fancy or over the top. She wanted things to be natural and easy tonight.

However, as the front door finally opened, Emily immediately grinned goofily at the sight she was presented with, having to bite down on her bottom lip to stop herself from saying something teasingly sarcastic.

''I am so, so sorry!''

Came the sleepy, guilty and slightly embarrassed greeting. JJ stood in her doorway, still clad in her sleepwear, her eyes barely open and her hair all ruffled up from sleep. She had just quite literally rolled out of bed at the sound of the doorbell.

''It's okay, really!''

Emily reassured with a hint of the laugh that was dying to come out filtering into her voice.

''It's really not, I can't believe I slept over.''

JJ fretted, rubbing her head, which only served to make her look cuter as her hair ruffled up even more. Emily thought it was one of the most endearing things she had ever seen in her life. JJ was one of the most endearing people she had seen in her life, and she was overwhelmingly amazed and thankful that she was in it.

''JJ, I promise it's really okay.''

''I guess I didn't realise just how tired I was. I never sleep through my alarm. I can get ready really quick though, if you don't mind waiting?''

Without waiting for a reply, JJ gestured Emily inside. The still groggy blonde closed the door behind the older woman as she took the invite to come in, and screwed her eyes up slightly as she flicked on some lights that she had previously left off in favour of navigating her way to the door in relative darkness.

''I have a better idea. How about we just order in some food and relax? We can go to dinner another night.''

JJ smirked wryly.

''Oh yeah? And what makes you think you'll be lucky enough to get another date Prentiss?''

She asked with a cheeky kind of challenge. She didn't back away as Emily closed the distance between them, capturing her mouth in a deep kiss. God this woman was a hell of a kisser. As Emily reminded her of just why the hell a second date would be had, JJ felt her mind shut off and her instincts and senses take over.

Emily's mouth was soft and firm at the same time, and she tasted good. JJ also noticed that the brunette smelt good, like she usually did. And her body responded with electric head as the other woman slipped a hand onto her side, her fingers finding skin where her cotton pants and her vest didn't quite meet together. And as the kiss deepened and their tongues met, JJ knew that she was definitely a sucker for Emily's kisses.

JJ's body felt so good against her own, it felt like it had been so long since it had been. Emily knew that sex wasn't the only reason she loved JJ, but she would be out of her mind not to miss it. And although they had set up this date for a reason, it was hard to resist the urges that was seemingly rushing up in the both of them. She wanted JJ so badly, and Emily couldn't resist her advances. She pushed herself up against her girlfriend in order to back JJ up against the kitchen counter, smirking devilishly as she did before letting the blonde coax her back into a kiss. An intensely hungry kiss with urgent want.

Emily let the kiss grow impossibly deeper, enjoying the ferocity and the feel of JJ's mouth. She liked the feel of her body against her own, especially when it had no real other place to go from being wedged between the counter and herself. She liked that JJ's hands couldn't decided where to settle, resulting in a constant free flow of movement over her body.

It did occur to her, just how fast this was escalating, and that perhaps the kitchen wasn't the most ideal place to get it on. Or at least, it wasn't after the disaster that was last time in her own kitchen where she'd ended up buying a fair few new devices because the last ones got broken.

That, and Emily had seen the look in JJ's eyes earlier. She wasn't completely certain what had caused that look, had some ideas she was fairly sure about, but hadn't committed to anything for sure. She had seen all that concern and hope in her eyes, and come to an easy conclusion as to what it was about.

The thought made her try to slow down, made her start to move away. It only served JJ to take her face into her hands, halting her from moving any further as she looked at her almost pleadingly. Not hiding what Emily already knew to be true from watching her so closely earlier, but also making no effort to hide the real depth of it, the dire need for connection, for intimacy and feeling. For presence.

''Don't. I need you, now.''

She whispered, even in such a low tone it couldn't hide the crack of welled up emotion. Emily could actually hear the need for release and so much more in there.

''Okay.''

The brunette nodded, frowning thoughtfully still, but letting JJ see that she understood. That even somewhat unenlightened, she would give her what she needed anyway, because she trusted her. She respected her. She loved her. She wanted her to see, to know and feel, how completely she wanted her too, no matter what. She would literally do anything to make JJ see that she was sexier than ever.

It became a mixture of hot kisses and shedding of clothes, both women unable to keep themselves under any kind of control. With such a luscious rush of love and lust, JJ didn't even falter as Emily practically ripped her vest off of her, not just exposing her, but exposing the scar that she had been so worried about only hours ago. Now, as Emily's mouth travelled the length of her neck, her hands roaming across every inch of her displayed skin, it didn't even occur to her. Too far gone into pleasure, loosing all thought, only responding to the sensations that the brunette was making shoot through her.

When their mouths collided, it was a battle of control and dominance. Their hands were hungry and demanding too, their bodies vying for that essence of dominance too. Thick sounds of heat and want and lust floated into the air from them both, heavy panting as they tortured one another, built up that tightening coil that begged for release. A release that was imminent for JJ as Emily managed to rid her of her cotton pants before sinking to her knees.

She wasn't shy about getting right to it; this was all about a release of tension. Emily wanted nothing more than to spend the entire night proving to her lover that she wanted her as much now as she ever had. Never did the brunette want JJ to doubt that, or doubt the burning desire she constantly felt for her. Something that she was adamant to show her now as she licked the length of her, tasting and feeling, smirking lightly at how wet she was and the sound that escaped her at the feel of her tongue. The kind of reaction she loved, the kind of reaction that made her have to brace her so she didn't slip to the floor as she continued her explorations.

It didn't take long for Emily to give JJ the kind of release that she was looking for. Saw that it wasn't just physical; it was the release of a build up within her too. She saw the blonde let that go as she came, saw the relief it caused, saw that weight slip away from her.

Lifting herself up onto her feet, Emily panted lightly, moving in to kiss her lover again, slower than before, but just as deeply. Reinforcing the fact that she was there for her, that she was never going anywhere. Tonight would be about their connection, their whole connection, emotional and physical. About what they had forged together and what only grew stronger and stronger by each passing day. Tonight could be about the simplest of human closeness, about intimacy.

With one last kiss, Emily stood back a little, running her hand through silky blonde hair as she watched JJ compose herself a little.

''Okay yeah, you might just get a second date there!''

The Agent joked and confirmed jokingly and breathlessly before accepting another kiss, lighter than the one before, tender and soft.

''You're the sexiest woman I've ever laid eyes on, Jennifer. _The_ definition of beautiful. That'll never change.''

JJ didn't need to hear the words, she knew already. She had always known Emily's feelings; it was just the last vestiges of the trauma that had make her go temporarily insane. That was her old life, this was her new one. She felt like the Phoenix, reborn out of the ashes. She was a new Jennifer Jareau, and she was more than ready to spend her life with the wonderful woman in front of her.

Date or no date, this was real. It was theirs and it was going to last forever.

''Take me to bed, Emily.''


	19. Chapter 19

**Title:** Bloodsport  
**Author:** darkbardzero  
**Fandom:** Criminal Minds  
**Pairings:** Jennifer Jareau/Emily Prentiss  
**Ratings:** 18  
**Summary: **''Love is just a Bloodsport.''  
**Disclaimers:** All things Criminal Minds belong to people other than me. I just write stuff.  
**Author's Notes: **Well, this is something that was originally part of a drabble I wrote in the CM music challenge. Back then, I was nudged and encouraged by**Steppenwolf_20**to write it full length. So here it is! It's been in the works for quite a while due to various reasons, but it's on the tracks now.  
**Thank You: **To **Steppenwolf_20** for suggesting it, **Sofia_Lindsay** for not letting me give up on it early on, and **Heidimaggs22** for supporting me, batting ideas around, putting up with rants and waffles and for being my rock! Ta to**Heidimaggs22**and**Sofia_Lindsay** for beta'ing.  
**A/N - **This hasn't been beta'd, the lovely Heidimaggs22 has been super super super busy :)

**A/N** - I'd just like to say a huge thank you to each and every one of you that have not only read, but taken the time to feedback to me. All your comments have meant the world, and also been very touching, and have kept the story going in some way shape or form. I really, really appreciate the encouragement and support.

XXX

''_Suffering is one of the most potentially creative forces in nature…A human being will not change his or her personality pattern when all is said and done, until forced to do so by suffering.'' _**Rollo May**

**Six Years Later**

''_You are like a dream_

_And I am just a trip that you are on_

_When the trip is over you will go back _

_To the places that you once beloved_

_You will look for comfort there_

_And when you do you'll find that it has gone_

_That is when you'll dream a dream_

_Where I am you and you are me_

_And then you'll know my love.''_

Jennifer Jareau stirred lightly at first, too far submerged in the gloriously deep sleep that she had fallen into. It was one so deep that she was disorientated to hear the disturbance breaking through her much needed dreamless sleep. After flight delays and the inevitable chaos of organising and keeping calm not only the herd that now belonged to her, but also one supposedly 'unflappable' Emily Prentiss, JJ was truly exhausted by the time they managed to get home.

It had been early morning when they had stepped through the front door to their house, exhausted but happy to be home. After reluctantly dragging in their luggage from the car, the two FBI Agent's had left the suitcases strewn in the living room, not wanting to undertake the mammoth task of unpacking and getting the clothes through the laundry. That could wait.

Sleep came first. After a snack and making sure everyone had been to the bathroom, they had bombarded the king sized bed in their bedroom, thanking sweet mercy for its softness on which they had fallen asleep upon immediately.

Now something was daring to yank her out of her comfortable, warm and much needed sleep. An incessant buzzing joining the lilting lyrics that poured out into the air. It could of course, only be one thing. The object that had haunted JJ wherever she went, for the duration of her BAU career. The object that had caused countless amounts of jokes to be aimed her away about her intense love of whatever phone that she was using at the time.

Upon realising that indeed the noise was flowing from her phone, JJ tried to blindly and floppily move her limbs to reach across to the nightstand to grab it. They were on vacation, but since when had work ever given a damn about technicalities. JJ was just amazed they had managed to leave the country without incident.

The song kept playing to her; it was a smooth and calm song, one of her favourites and a song that had plenty of good memories associated with it. Including the dance that she and Emily had shared to it at their wedding.

Unable to decide on just one song for their 'first dance', they had just decided to pick a few and remain on the dance floor, happy to indulge the other and reluctant to pull apart anyway. It had been a wonderful day. Just how JJ had always pictured something so special. It had been private, and small, and close. Close knit family and friends, just the people that they loved. Other's had been invited to the party, but their wedding had been small, their marital relationship was not a spectator sport for the masses.

It seemed like a lifetime ago now, with all the incredible things that had happened since. But JJ often found herself letting her mind drift back to that day, one of her happiest days, with a feeling that was stronger than any buzz known to man. After all the heartache and all the effort, all the misconnections and misunderstandings, they had arrived at a place that, without sounding overly corny, was truly magical for them both. Emily's commitment issues forgotten, her own issues having been discussed and worked out leading her able to let herself actually have a life.

They just worked; it was as simple as that. Of course a relationship always took effort, but it seemed to come so naturally most of the time. Besides the everyday things, the here and there bickering, the occasional fight, it just seemed to run itself almost. They were more in tune with one another than ever before.

The demons of the past seemed to have become a distance echo.

Taking in a sleepy, staggered breath, JJ frowned as she found that she had limited ability to move. As her senses began to come back to her slowly, she began to feel the weight that was strewn across her, the warmth that it provided. God she was so comfortable, so relaxed and so very nice and warm. All she wanted to do was make that damn phone stop ringing and go back to sleep, snuggled up with her family. However, the music still sang to her, and the device still buzzed against the wood of the nightstand. So somehow, JJ cracked an eye open, seeing through the blur just enough to guide her hand to her phone as she made great effort of moving to reach for it without disturbing anyone.

''Jareau.''

Came the sleepy answer, not really giving a damn who it was on the other end. It could have been the Director of the FBI himself for all she cared; she had just been yanked out of a wonderful sleep damnit, after only what she expected to be hours of returning to the States.

''_Finally_! What took you so long, getting down to some '_business_'?''

The playful innuendo made JJ scowl lightly, or more be it petulantly, as she listened to her friend talk. It wasn't work, it was just Claire. Which was a relief in itself, but she was still annoyed at being woken up. Not annoyed at Claire, because how was she supposed to know? But now that she thought about it, she realised that maybe now would have been a perfect time to jump Emily's bones and instead she had gone to sleep!

''Claire, listen to my voice and tell me if that sounds anything remotely 'business' orientated.''

The sleepy blonde drawled sarcastically, letting her senses start to drift back to her as her eyes fluttered open, the blur giving way with every second. Although she had enjoyed getting away, it was always nice to be back at home. The familiarity of her bedroom was a comfort.

''No, I'm sorry I obviously woke you up. Did you have a good time in France?''

JJ's fellow FBI Agent asked warmly, though beneath the warmth and the genuine wanting to know, JJ could already pick up some tension running through her tone.

''It was fantastic, we had a great time.''

The blonde smirked, now glancing down at herself and smirking at the reasons that she had limited movement capabilities. The body that was half strewn across hers, using her as a human pillow.

''Did the kids enjoy themselves?''

Reaching down, Jennifer rubbed the back of the little boy that was still sleeping soundly, despite having the phone blare into the room. She stalled for a moment, looking at him intently with that engulfing feeling of awe that often overwhelmed her when she would look at him, or either of his siblings.

Being a parent apparently never got old, it was possibly the best thing she had ever done in her life. Now they were here, JJ didn't think she could imagine a world without them. She didn't know how she had gotten along in life before their existence. They were such a fixture, such a presence, that she didn't know how it had ever just been her and Emily.

The thoughtful blonde let her hand move up to gently stroke through her sons shaggy dark hair, moving it away from his face which she could only really half see given his angle. His arm was flopped across her stomach, his body tucked into the side of hers with a leg strewn over hers. God he was so much like Emily it was ridiculous, from his features, his personality and right down to the way he would end up letting himself flop across her like the way he was doing now.

''They had a blast.''

JJ answered with unadulterated mirth in her voice, remembering the time they had just spent in France. They had ventured to the old stomping ground of Emily's Grandfather, where there were still many people who either knew, or knew off the older woman. Friends of her Grandfather greeted them with a warmth that was touching, as though they had known each other their whole lives. Their kids had had a lot to do, a lot of other kids to play with, and had enjoyed learning about their Mother's past as she told them stories about the place, and also the man that they would never meet. Of course, they had topped the trip of with a visit to Disney land, because how could they not have?

It had been incredible to just relax and enjoy themselves, no work or thoughts of serial killers and dead bodies. No interruptions to anything, which made a nice change of pace. Things had improved a little more, JJ didn't field as many out of hour's calls as she once had, given that finally the bosses had relented and given her an assistant. But the work was still as heavy as ever, and JJ was reluctant to give up any control of her office. She'd been doing it herself for so long that it was hard to go about it any other way, not because she didn't trust anyone else, but she had developed a scarily efficient style of dealing with everything.

But everyone needed time to step back, especially when they had a life that was entirely untangled from their job on the outside. It was difficult to juggle the job and a family, but they did it. They had both agreed that if the day came that it didn't work, or that their family started to make sacrifices for their job, then they would be prepared to make significant adjustments. However, so far so good. Their friends had been invaluable of course, as well as their families. Maybe the Jareau family more so than the Prentiss family, however, there had been a frail but encouraging relationship developing between Emily and her parents over the past few years.

''That's great; I can't wait to see pictures. I really don't want to burst your bubble, JJ, but…''

There it was, that strain in Claire's voice that was immediately noticeable because it seemed so contrary to how the other woman usually sounded. JJ narrowed her eyes suspiciously, wondering if the party that Claire and her husband had organised for tomorrow was being called off. It was a huge yearly occurrence that JJ had remembered happening since the dawn of time.

''Is the party off?''

''No, no it's nothing like that. It's just…god this is awkward for me. You know that I invite Delilah every year, right?''

The Agent rushed out worriedly, so much so that JJ could practically see her anxious expression and the way she would be biting at her bottom lip as she fretted. Still, JJ wasn't entirely surprised at the question. Maybe she hadn't been expecting her ex-girlfriend to come up in conversation, but she did know that Delilah got an invite every year. She had made it specifically clear when things had come to an end with the Baltimore cop, that she didn't expect or want any of their mutual friends to feel like they couldn't speak to one of them anymore. If they wanted to remain friends with Delilah, then that was really okay with her. She'd prefer it, in fact. So JJ knew that Claire and Delilah still kept in contact, occasionally got together. But so far, Delilah had never made an appearance to the summer barbeque parties that she had once loved and never missed.

Dutifully, Claire had indulged in hating JJ for a little while. After that day in the hospital, it had been a few weeks since they talked when Claire placed a tentative phone call to her friend. Apparently, she had been keeping tabs on JJ's health and progress through another friend, too worried about her to actually deny and ignore her existence. JJ hadn't made an issue out of it; all of their friends had been shocked and hadn't known what to think at first. She had lost a couple, but the majority had warmed up to Emily bit by bit, including Claire, who now loved her to death.

''I know, yeah. She um, she's never accepted though.''

JJ also suddenly began to get a sneaking suspicion of what this call was about.

''Until this year. She said she'll be there tomorrow, JJ. I didn't want you to be unprepared for that if you still wanted to come.''

JJ stared at her son as memories and feelings that she hadn't thought about for a long time eased back into her. Of course, there had been plenty of times when she had reflected on her life, her relationship with Delilah. As promised, she had never forgiven herself for hurting her in such a damaging way. As she tried to analyse everything that had happened, JJ only found it to be as tangled and complicated as it had been at the time. All connected to her past, the behaviour patterns that she had developed and left unchecked, the way she had justified her actions with Emily when really she should have stopped it in its tracks.

Jennifer knew, understood, what had happened and why it had happened. What she would always fail to understand was why she didn't approach it differently. Why she had let it go so far, not just for Delilah, but for Emily too.

Those demons of the past didn't seem too distant right now. Maybe everything caught up with you in due time, just like she had thought that day she had been shot. Delilah had always refused any kind of direct contact, and their mutual friends had always been reluctant to give much away to JJ about how she dealt with her betrayal. The words that the younger woman had thrown at her on her way out of her life still haunted her, but JJ knew that she wasn't the only one that still held demons about it. Although Emily still held no regret, she did carry a lot of remorse. It was going to worry her that the Detective was going to the party tomorrow, it was going to make her feel like seeing them as a family would somehow rub Delilah's nose in it, or highlight that Emily had somehow stolen the life she had always wanted.

''Claire, of course we're still coming. The kids are excited about it, and so are we.''

''Are you sure? I know how difficult it could be for you.''

JJ took in a breath, glancing once again to her son as she felt him stir ever so softly against her.

''Maybe, but probably not as difficult as it could be for her. She has every right to be there too. And it should be difficult for me, I'm the one that hurt her.''

There came a momentary split in her voice, portraying her sadness and the thick guilt that she still carried. It still pained her to think of the destruction she had caused in Delilah's life. However, it hadn't stopped her from moving on with her life, and it hadn't made her hesitate on creating a family either. The guilt that she felt, she would just have to learn how to carry and how to make it coincide with the happiness she felt. She couldn't be sorry for the outcome, her relationship with Emily, because she couldn't ever be sorry for the things like the little boy that was starting to wake up on her right now. It was JJ's line, she'd never be willing to apologise for her children or the joy that they brought her.

''I just had to warn you, JJ. Like I had to warn her.''

JJ nodded to herself, freezing for a second at the idea that her ex knew that she'd be present tomorrow. Had she accepted before she knew, unwilling to back out even though it would be the first time they'd seen each other in six years? Would she actually go through with it? Did she know about Emily? Did she know about the kids? Had she been informed of her condition after she left that day? After all, the last time they had set eyes on one another, JJ had been in a hospital bed.

These were questions that she couldn't ask, that she had no right to ask. She had let Delilah go, so she had no right to enquire about what she knew of the life she'd lead after her.

''Thanks Claire, I appreciate the heads up.''

''No problem honey, I'll see you tomorrow. Say hi to Emily for me.''

''I will, bye.''

Jennifer looked down at the four-year-old little boy that was draped over her, both with an expression of love and an expression of worry. Children were usually so blissfully unaware, theirs were anyway. They had no idea about their parents' dishonest past, and it had always worried JJ just how they could explain the beginnings of hers and Emily's relationship.

Did it start from that very first meeting, or did it start from that kiss in the bar that had been so unexpected but so needed? Or had it started from the first time they had slept together? The first time Emily told her she loved her? The day of the shooting? Or the moment JJ referred to them as a couple? If it was impossible for her to work out, then how could she even begin to explain it to their children?

All they knew right now, was that their Mommy's met at work and had fallen in love. All they knew right now, is that families were always different, and whereas some of their friends had a Mommy and a Daddy, it was okay to have two Mommy's. They even had a couple of friends with two Daddy's. So right now, it didn't worry them. It didn't occur to them that some found it out of sorts, wrong even. All they knew was that their parents loved them, very much, and that they were happy. They had no idea what had occurred before them. JJ was thankful that their boys had only asked superficial questions about it, and dreaded the day they required more details. How could they tell them, explain to them, that essentially, they had come out of an affair?

''Hi Mommy.''

Before she knew it, two piercing brown eyes were staring up at her, full of innocence and sweetness and warmth. His eyes were so much like Emily's, scarily perceptive even at this young age, thoughtful and kind and already deep. They always amazed JJ, and she always felt herself get thick with emotion when she let herself think about the things she saw in her son's eyes. Pictured the boy he would be, the teenager he would be, and the man he would turn into. He was so open, so genuine and comfortable. So much so that Emily often mused that his traits came not from herself but from JJ.

Emily had been terrified about being a good parent, she had overcome so much from her past, but the thick of it was and would always remain in her head and her heart. She had been terrified that she would be as distant as her own parents had been, that she wouldn't know how to show her love. Emily had been scared that she would never connect to a child, or be able to give them the emotional stability that they required. She had been a frightened little girl for so long, how could she possibly be grown up enough to give herself to a child?

She had. Like JJ had always known she would, she had. She had watched it happen immediately, the second that Emily had held the tiny, squirmy little babies in her arms. The way she had trembled as she touched their tiny faces, the gentleness that she held them with, the look in her eyes when they looked at her or held her fingers. There really hadn't been any question on how much Emily loved them, or how easily it had come to her to show them that. Within her own family, there was no fortress to hide in anymore. Within her own family, Emily found it easy to be, and she had flourished. They adored her, truly adored her, like she adored them. Her heart wasn't closed off to them, and she taught them so much.

''Hey baby. Did you have a good sleep?''

JJ enquired softly, smiling lovingly at her son. Her stunningly beautiful little boy. Her hand lifted up and away from him a little as he began to grunt at the effort it took to shuffle around. She watched in pure amazement at his being, as he wobbled up onto his feet, before happily plopping himself down on her again. JJ grunted out a huff at being ungraciously sat on, but couldn't help but smirk at the happy, cheeky and once again energetic grin that was being aimed her way. God he could get away with murder.

''Ya I dreamted 'bout robots!''

JJ laughed, forgetting the looming situation of coming to clashes with her ex-girlfriend, in favour of running her hand through her son's hair to try and straighten it out a little. He had shaggy dark hair, a little darker than Emily's, as did his brother.

''Robots? Was it R2D2 and C-3PO again?''

JJ resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Ever since Emily had watched Star Wars with their sons, whilst she had been out of course, they had become pretty much obsessed with it. Although, she had to admit that it was outstandingly cute. They would become emerged in the story when they watched it, and get all excited and loved to play Star Wars together. If they had to be sci-fi geeks like their Mom then at least they were cute one's!

''Ah ha but there were other robotses too, it was fun.''

He exclaimed with another decisive nod and an expression on his face that JJ found extremely sweet. He had switched from sleepy to energetic in a matter of seconds, like always. JJ didn't feel the need to correct the small mistakes in her son's speech; he was only four after all. He was a very smart boy, he and his brother both, who had obviously gained Emily's aptitude and intelligence. They already spoke a lot better than their friends and the kids at school, and they could already read. Not perfectly, but still outstandingly well.

They were even picking up Emily's talent for languages, and being in France and having it around them didn't hurt. They were so open to learning about new things, but they always made sure that they weren't overburdened with learning either. They were kids, and kids needed to play just as much as they needed to be taught. They wanted their imaginations and creativity to be just as strong as everything else.

Even at the exceptional rate at which they grew up, JJ still thought there was plenty of time for all of that. Right now, they could concentrate on being happy and free and loved. The world was far too serious, far too weighty, to dump on a child as young as the one sat on her right now.

Oscar Silas Prentiss was the apple of both his Mothers' eyes, and he knew it. Just like his twin brother, Noah Felix Prentiss, knew it too. They were very imaginative and energetic little boys, and they were as thick as thieves. Everything that they had read about what could occur between twins, they could see in their boys. They had their own developing language with one another, a brotherly bond that was strong and almost tangible even at this early stage. They were smart, but also playful and extremely sweet and thoughtful. So tender toward their little sister, too.

''That's good baby boy, you wanna head downstairs and see where Mommy is?''

Oscar nodded again as he thrust his hands up in the air, not out of enthusiasm but to indicate to JJ that he wanted to be carried.

''M'hungry…''

JJ scooped up her son, making him laugh as she pulled him close to her and littered his faces with kisses, tickling him gently making him squirm in her arms. Then, she cupped his little face and gave him a longer kiss, pulling back to grin at him.

''You are just _too _cute you little monster! I could eat you all up!''

Oscar squealed in happy alarm.

''You can't eat me Mommy!''

''Why not?''

''Cos I is a people! You can't eat peopleses!''

JJ outright laughed at Oscar's logic, which was actually pretty spot on.

''Person, sweetheart. And I guess you're safe…for now!''

JJ scooped Oscar up again, this time to hold him as she rolled herself off of the bed, yawning lightly as she shrugged the last vestiges of sleep off. She did feel better with the nap; it had been a long haul from France given the delays that they had endured at the airport. Keeping the kids settled had been a tricky job, understandably they'd started to get tired and crabby and bored waiting around. But at least they were home now, and as JJ carried Oscar through the hallway and down the stairs, JJ began to hear sounds of life downstairs.

Already she could hear the TV on low, probably having been switched on to occupy Noah but as so often was the case, he had probably abandoned it by now. The kid was full of beans and could never really sit still for too long. He liked to investigate what everyone else was doing before he occupied himself, always the inquisitive one. Even when Emily had been packing the boys' stuff for the trip, he had sat next to the suitcase and studiously watched what she had put in there. He'd told her if he wanted or didn't want any of his own things, which was helpful, but he'd wanted to know so he'd kept her company and chattered along as she'd packed.

Getting to the bottom of the stairs, JJ negotiated the child gate that was secured there as well as one at the top. With two four-year-olds and one eighteen month old, the two FBI Agent's weren't taking any chances; they wanted their kids to be as safe as possible. So JJ closed it again mindfully after she had passed through it, then began to wonder through the house.

Part of JJ still couldn't really believe this was her house. It was massive. Emily had talked her into it, of course. After weeks of trailing around looking at all different kinds of houses, this one had apparently spoken to Emily. It had for JJ too, but the blonde had thought it was too expensive. Only for Emily to remind her that that wasn't exactly a problem anymore, gently reminding her that she after all, had married into the Prentiss family.

The brunette hadn't been trying to flaunt her wealth or act flippantly to JJ's concerns, but trying to get it through to JJ that she could consider herself comfortable and not worry too much. The blonde had always been stable, she saved and spent wisely, but Emily had never had to think about it. And although she didn't splash it around, there were things that she was adamant on spending money on lavishly, including this house. Until they had gotten married, they had lived in Emily's apartment.

Hearing some chattering floating from the direction of the kitchen, JJ changed her direction and headed for it. Still holding Oscar in her arm, who was preoccupied with playing with her hair, the blonde strode through the archway, smirking as she looked around. It seemed as though Emily had been up for a while. The radio was on quietly, and the patio doors were open letting in some of the warm mid-afternoon air circulate, and there was a glass of half drunken juice sat on the counter. There was also a sip cup for the baby and on the table toward the side; Noah's plastic dinosaur cup was practically empty.

The talking wasn't coming from the kitchen itself, however. To the side of the room there was another archway, a little smaller, leading to a utilities room. The voices were coming from there.

''Noah be careful, you practically just fell in.''

JJ heard Emily say, not reproachfully but with amusement in her voice.

''Kay Mommy.''

Noah reeled off in response, obviously not paying much attention, but instead concentrating on whatever his current task was. As JJ walked across the kitchen and toward the archway, she could see that her son was perched on the high, sturdy shelf that rested between the washing machine and the dryer. Emily was holding their eighteen month daughter in one arm, as her other fished the wet clothes out of the washer. JJ could see that they had a little system going on, as Emily passed Noah the clothes, he threw them into the dryer that he sat closest to. She stepped up to the archway just in time to see Emily release her grip from the back of Noah's dungarees, obviously being the only thing that had stopped the little boy from toppling over into the dryer. JJ rolled her eyes and chuckled, therefore making hers and Oscar's presence known.

''Ah, welcome back the two sleepyheads!''

Emily drawled as she cast a look over her shoulder to see her wife and other son standing in the doorway. Oscar beamed at her happily, virtually throwing himself forward in JJ's arms to be close enough to reach for a kiss. Emily chuckled both at the display of affection, and the look on JJ's face as Oscar practically fell out of her arms before she managed to get a grip on him. Emily put a hand on the side of his face and planted a big kiss on the other side.

''You and Oscar were asleeps for _ages_!''

Noah informed JJ with a roll of his eyes as he emphasised just how long it had been in four-year-old time. The blonde chuckled and nodded, stepping forward to sit Oscar next to his brother, grabbing Noah's face and giving him the same kissy attack she had given his brother.

''Well we're not all as full of beans as you baby! What've you been doing?''

After Noah finished exaggeratedly rubbing his face, he took a big breath in as he thought about the question.

''I's been playing and helpings Mommy and I almost felled in the tumble dryer.''

The little boy informed happily. His day had been great, they had come home and had a little nap, and he'd had all the toys to himself and he'd been helping his Mom do the laundry. Which probably to most other kids would suck, but he liked throwing in the wet clothes that Emily passed him. He had played a little with his sister too, who babbled and squeaked some baby talk mixed in with real words too.

JJ couldn't help but laugh at Noah's enthusiasm for having been helping Emily out. In true typical Noah form, he knew and had had a hand in everything going on. Emily had often joked that he was growing up with JJ's organisational skills.

''You know if you fall in there you'll come out like popcorn!''

JJ warned jokingly, making both the boys laugh. They nudged at each other gently as they giggled between themselves, obviously sharing a silent and private joke of some kind. As they were amusing themselves, JJ took the opportunity to turn to her wife, smiling widely as she stepped in close to her. Lifting up her hand, JJ ran her fingers through some of Emily's silky strands.

''I would've helped you with all of this.''

She pointed out gently, seeing that a fair bit of their clothes had been through the wash already. Emily simply shrugged lightly and shook her head.

''You were tired, baby. Besides, I could only sleep for an hour, and this little one right here started to wake up too so I figured we'd come down here so we didn't disturb you. Noah followed suit about a half hour later, I'm surprised you didn't hear him _holler_ for me at the top of the stairs!''

Emily explained, jiggling the baby in her arm. The eighteen-month-old baby had been watching her brother's at first, but now as she turned to look at JJ, she squeaked at her and held her arms out.

''Up!''

As JJ thought that the boys looked scarily like Emily, Emily thought that their daughter looked ridiculously like JJ. She had the same clear bright blue, piercing eyes, and the same sunshine coloured hair. Her features were so alike to JJ's, especially her smile and her general demeanour too. As she started to grow, Emily often studied their only daughter, thinking that she was definitely going to develop JJ's sense of presence. No one knew quite how to describe the natural vibe that JJ had, but they could easily see it in their youngest. The boys had begun to pick it up too, but their sister definitely had it pegged.

Grinning widely as she pulled a face at her daughter, JJ happily took hold of her and lifted her up.

''There's my baby girl!''

JJ wiggled her daughter in her arms, laughing as she heard that sweet baby laugh that was like music to her ears. There were very few things that could be as precious as the sound of children laughing, especially when they were your own. She kissed her little angel face all over, and looked between her kids as she let her calm down as she tucked her into her side.

''Seriously, you're all just so _cute_!''

The blonde breathed out, making Oscar squeak.

''Oh no! _Run_, Mommy's gunna try and eat us!''

''It's not my fault! I just love you so much and you're all just too sweet for your own good!''

Wiggling on his butt, Oscar looked at Emily with urgency as he giggled. She got the impression and quickly lifted him, then Noah off of the shelf and down onto the floor. As soon as their little feet hit the ground, they were off running. All they could hear was shouts of having to hide from their Mommy before she ate them all up. Emily had no idea what had gone on, but she laughed all the same. Not that JJ didn't normally show affection or anything, but apparently she had woken up in an extra happy mood.

''What's gotten into you?''

The brunette laughed watching JJ laugh as the boys had escaped outside into the sunshine. Even the baby still laughed sweetly.

''Just appreciating what we have, is all. I'm so, so glad that we made it.''

Becoming a little more serious, JJ turned to her wife and spoke with honest emotion. The laundry had been forgotten for now, and Emily lifted an eyebrow at the sudden switch from light-hearted playfulness to heart felt tenderness. Again, JJ lifted her hand up to Emily's face, cupping one side gently, letting her thumb stroke the soft skin underneath. Emily put her hand on JJ's side, not objecting to the kiss that the blonde stepped up close for. Their bodies pressing together lightly, sharing warmth, and letting Emily feel the quicker breaths running through JJ's body, as well as the slight tremble. She was seriously overcome with something, there was something going on in that beautiful head of hers.

''I am too, Jennifer. What's going on?''

It was Emily's turn to stroke through JJ's hair, narrowing her eyes at her both kindly and perceptively. She watched for a few seconds as JJ thought, obviously trying to get her words together.

''I just…you and these kids, and the one or two more to hopefully come…you mean everything to me. I love what we've made together. I love you, more and more everyday. You're my soul mate; I feel that, I feel you inside of me everyday no matter what. And you're so beautiful, and so sexy, and so…_stunning_. I'm just so thankful that we got this chance together.''

Emily gaped at her wife a little, not knowing where this little outburst of emotion had come from. JJ seemed almost overwrought, there were tears glistening in her eyes and her voice dripped with the weight of how true her words were. Emily knew that, because JJ never let it go too long without reminding her. And she also knew it because she felt the same way. She loved JJ so intently, and she loved their children. The blonde had given her things she'd only dreamt of having, she'd given her a life and together they had created their own perfect world. It wasn't cold or distant or frightening, it was just the opposite, it was everything.

''I love you too, JJ. Where is this all coming from? Are you okay?''

JJ nodded lightly, leaning in for another kiss. She didn't think she would be this affected. But the feelings and the thoughts had come sneaking up on her, leaving her to be conflicted about how she was supposed to feel. On the one hand, she had destroyed someone else to ultimately gain complete happiness. On the other, if she hadn't have done that; she'd never have Emily or these kids. And when she looked at their kids, their flesh and blood and life, the guilt began to evaporate. The guilt that she had promised to hold onto. Did that make her selfish? Did it make her even guiltier?

In JJ's head, it sounded something like this. What she had done to Delilah had been wrong, and she took full responsibility for it. But when she looked at what she had, when she looked at their children, how could she be guilty about that? If she felt guilty, it meant that she had to let a little regret in, didn't it? And if she let regret in, didn't that reflect on her kids? JJ couldn't handle that.

''Claire called. Delilah is showing up at the party tomorrow.''

XXX

Emily had insisted on driving. Usually they would take it in turns, or maybe decide on who was less tired. Technically speaking, JJ should have driven; after all, she'd had the longest nap. However, Emily had insisted on driving. Emily had insisted on a lot of things tonight.

It had been the brunette's suggestion to go out for dinner. They still hadn't completely unpacked yet, and there were limited supplies in the house to cook with given that they had only arrived home that morning. It had just seemed like the easiest thing to do. So after they had given the kids a little snack to be going on with, each having a coffee for themselves, they'd spent their time with them and one another. Emily hadn't said a word about the party; she had erected a wall around that delightful issue and decided to go into radio silence about it. Much to JJ's concern.

It had been quite some time since Delilah Forrester had come up in conversation. JJ wasn't even sure when had been the exact last time, perhaps when Emily had found an errand photo of the Detective amongst their things as they were spring cleaning. That had been well over a year ago now. It had been when their daughter had only been a couple of months old.

Jennifer had never been able to understand why Prior had never used their sister's name for one of his kids. She had never understood why _anyone_ in her family hadn't touched it. Not up until the day that she had found out that she had been carrying a girl, anyway. And instantly, it became so easily clear to her that she could have slapped herself in the face for not realising before. They had left it for her, everyone, whether it had been a spoken pact or just an unspoken understanding, had made sure that she could be the only one to use the name of the long lost Jareau.

It had seemed so natural to call the baby Tarrin. When brought up in conversation by JJ, Emily had acted like there had never even been a question of what they would call a girl if they were graced enough to have one. It was just fitting, and JJ hoped that somewhere her sister would be pleased. Maybe this could be a second chance for Tarrin to gain the happiness she had never truly felt, to experience and enjoy life the way she had never been able to.

Maybe it was a second chance for them all. Tarrin Ella Prentiss was a chance to make it right.

The baby, as well as the boys, had drifted into sleep not long after Emily had pulled out of the parking lot of the diner. It had been a nice dinner; the boys had been full of activity but not boisterous, just enjoying their dinner and the time with their parents. Tarrin had been happy and chatty, happy to sit on first Emily's knee to eat, then JJ's after she fussed for her. Now after all the chatter, silence had filled the car.

''Are you okay?''

JJ dared to venture softly, still studying Emily's pent up features. Her jaw had practically locked as she gripped the steering wheel and burnt a hole into the road with her eyes.

''I'm fine.''

The response was far too quick, far too defensive and far too clipped. It even startled JJ a little bit. Delilah was usually a soar subject, for one or both of them depending on what was mentioned. Over the years, both of them had been graced and burdened by hindsight. JJ had spent a lot of time and effort figuring out what made herself work, and why she had made the choices she had. Emily had spent a lot of time grappling with the idea of if she had stolen something from the younger woman, or whether she had crow barred issues between them to get her way. She hated to admit it but some of Delilah's parting shots had always remained with her.

Their beginning together was not a fairytale. There had been no sweet romance, no slow and thoughtful seductions, not really. Their friendship more than anything had been the most honest thing, anything after that had been them jumping in bed together and making a lot of excuses as to why. Maybe it wasn't that simple, of course it was complicated, but one could boil it down to that if they really wanted to.

''You haven't said anything about Delilah attending the party.''

JJ pointed out, lifting an eyebrow, as Emily's knuckles got even whiter as she gripped the wheel.

''I don't want to talk about it. It's fine.''

The blonde sighed lightly, letting it go. Emily apparently wasn't going to let up, she was in no mood to talk and JJ knew that in her current disposition, she'd get nothing from the brunette. She'd have to let her brood for a little while longer. So the younger woman turned her attention to stare out into the darkness of the evening.

Maybe it wasn't just the subject of Delilah that had ruffled Emily's feathers; maybe it had brought back too many painful memories on the tale end of a fantastic family holiday. It was an imposition, an invasion of what they had together. And ironically enough, it's what Emily knew she had been to Delilah. An invasion and imposition upon her relationship, one that she had eventually ripped away from her.

Upon arriving home, Emily pulled into the driveway and parked up. Instead of getting out as quickly as possible, as JJ had expected her to do, the older woman just sighed slowly as she starred out to the garage door in front of them.

''I shut her down pretty harshly the last time I saw her, is all. I shouldn't have been so…cruel, I guess. Or arrogant. I was cocky and smug, I'd beaten her and I had you. I was smug over that, JJ, after I told her that you couldn't be won. When you were lying in a hospital bed after almost dying for me. I was smug about that.''

Maybe JJ had been right all those years ago, when she had called her a hypocrite. Emily felt like one as she blurted out the truth. She had looked at Delilah with that shining in her eyes, like some dangerous predator, like she had enjoyed ripping her life apart. After she had gotten through repeatedly telling the Detective that JJ's heart was not a toy to fight over, that she had to give it as it couldn't be taken or won. That was the reason she had never justified anything to the younger woman that day in the hospital, it was why she had shut her down so harshly. It was what she had been holding onto, deep, deep down.

''It was a hard time, Emily. Maybe that was part of it, you and her were always challenging of each other, the confrontation…the competition, it was bound to happen. Maybe it was wrong but you've never treated me like an object, okay? If you had, I wouldn't be with you now. And ultimately, that's why I left her for you, because you saw me. Hey, you _see _me.''

JJ reached across the space of the car and gently caressed the side of Emily's face, trying to instil some logic about the situation and the time. It was hard to hold everything that had happened up to some logic. All three of them had been guilty for the wrongs they had committed, and all three were innocent and wrongly done by too. There was no black and white, only differing shades of grey.

Not exactly having it resolved, the two sighed slightly and exited the car. JJ scooped Noah up out of his car seat, bracing herself slightly as he clung onto her sleepily. He was getting so big, they all were, it amazed her how fast they grew. Yesterday he and Oscar had just been tiny little babies, and she and Emily had been exhausted, awed and terrified, as they'd tried to keep up with them. Now they were four, with distinct personalities and presence.

Emily did the same and thought much the same thing as she picked Oscar up, getting him in her arm securely as he wrapped himself around her. Then, she reached in and unclipped the baby holder that Tarrin currently slept in, locked the handle and lifted her out too. Shutting the car door with her foot, it was JJ who locked it after being given the keys, and Emily followed her wife up to the house.

From there, it had been a steady stream of quiet activity. After getting Tarrin comfortably in her crib, the two women had taken their sons to their room, now experts in changing sleepy or just flat out asleep children.

Emily smirked as she put Oscar into his bed gently after changing him into his pyjamas that had planets and comets all over them. She was about to cover him up when he looked up at her through tiny slits in his eyes, looking confused and tired as he dragged in a haphazard breath.

''Mommy?''

He muttered quietly, looking around with the cutest frown on his forehead as he tried to reason why he was here after he probably remembered being in the car. Emily smirked, running her fingers through his hair gently as she leant on the side of the bed. It was a cabin bed, not too high of course, but the boys loved climbing on up their little ladders to get into bed.

''Hey buddy, we're home now, you can go back to sleep.''

''Can I sleeps with Noah?''

The request was unsurprising and sweetly muttered as Oscar obviously drifted just above sleep. The boys had their own rooms; they had their own everything, actually. Many times though, they ended up having sleepovers. Emily and JJ had asked them last year if they wanted their own rooms or if they still wanted to share one, it was the choice they had made for themselves, but it didn't go to say that they always stayed in their separate bedrooms. They were still little and obviously they still wanted the company, Emily could imagine that it felt safe to be around your twin.

''Kay baby, up we come.''

Dutifully, Emily lifted her son back out of bed, grunting just faintly as she lifted his weight onto her and turned to carry him out of the room. They were getting so big, it was just plain scary. It seemed like a long time ago that this had all happened. A long time ago that they had decided to start a family, since the day she found out she was pregnant. Emily had enjoyed those months, they had been enlightening and special and overwhelming. Of course, twins had never been planned but they knew that it was a probability given that she had gone through the process of insemination. Twins was just fine with her, though. Noah and Oscar were amazing little beings, tiny representatives of what she and JJ had together.

The profiler too dreaded the day that their sons would get curious enough to ask real questions about their relationship. So far, they had been as open as possible with them. They'd had the talks about why they had two Mommy's and the talks of why they sometimes had to go away for work, and talks about how much they all loved one another. If one or both of the boys asked something serious, like the 'where do babies come from', Emily and JJ had tried to be as honest as they could. They'd already been asked some difficult, and amusing, questions, things the boys had picked up on or heard from somewhere. They couldn't be shielded forever, but they were also just kids. So the two tried to balance that out.

Emily had to admit that it scared her to have her family around someone as dangerous as Delilah Forrester. Obviously not dangerous in an actual threat, but she represented so many things. She was the living example of how people could hurt one another, and they really had. The boys had never seen that before, they trusted their parents and believed in them. If Delilah said anything, it could alter their perceptions. Emily didn't want to be perfect in their eyes, she really didn't, but she did want them to trust her so that when it came to telling them the truth about things, the hard answers to their questions, they could believe her. JJ had grown up in an environment full of cheating and silence and misunderstanding, she didn't want that for their children.

''Oh! Okay!''

Blinking, Emily looked at JJ as the blonde halted in the corridor, having Noah sleepily clinging to her. She smirked in amusement, obviously having had the same plan as Emily and Oscar. Noah too had asked to be with his brother. Laughing lightly, the younger woman turned around and went back into Noah's room, closely followed by Emily.

''It's freaky how they have the same ideas, isn't it?''

Emily questioned lightly, placing Oscar into the bed from one side as JJ did the same with Noah on the other. They watched as they shuffled close, finally flopping into sleep as they pulled the cover over them.

''Very! They're getting so big, aren't they?''

''I was just thinking that!''

Emily squeaked quietly, making JJ laugh again.

''Freaky how we have the same ideas, isn't it!''

The blonde repeated slightly in teasing, narrowing her eyes for a moment, the electric in them danced mirthfully and it halted the nagging whisperings in Emily's head for a moment. Sometimes all she would need to do was look at JJ, and everything in her head just stopped. All her worries and fears and sadness would feel better for a few precious moments, giving her the reprieve that she needed to continue on.

She may have been living a stolen life, but god help her she was thankful for it. Colour her a thief if this was the loot.

''How did they get to be four, Em? And who do I complain about that to? I have issues with our little boys growing up so fast!''

Emily snickered, letting her eyes linger on the slumbering kids for a little longer before she looked back up at JJ. There didn't seem to be any anticipation in her eyes, in fact, surprisingly they had become somewhat unburdened, it seemed. Whatever she had been feeling earlier, it was gone now. Briefly or permanently, Emily didn't know yet.

''How did Tarrin get to eighteen months? It's just not right!''

It was true. All of a sudden Tarrin had gone from being a tiny baby to being a toddler that was up and on her feet already, exploring anything and everything she could, feeling out words and putting them into some logical order. How the hell had that happened? A walking talking little girl who had grown into that overnight. Soon she would be the four year old, which meant the boys would be on their way to being seven. It was just a terrifying thought all around. No one ever told you how to prepare yourself for watching this development happen so quickly.

''It's a conspiracy; they're plotting against us! They're sneaky!''

JJ quipped, almost ready to half believe it.

''JJ…''

''I'm done, Emily. I'm done apologising, I'm done justifying and proving and feeling sorry for what we did. I can't do it anymore, I refuse to. Look at what we've done. Just look at what we made. How can anyone tell us that it's wrong? I'm so proud of our children, and I can't imagine life without them or you. If nothing had changed back then, there would just be three unhappy people and none of this would exist. Our kids wouldn't exist. I can't accept that, so I'm just done. I'm still responsible but I have to let it go now, we've paid our dues Emily, we're allowed to be happy and thankful that we ended up together.''

JJ announced quietly, but still with a firmness of belief behind her voice. She had been reasoning about it all night, going around in circles as she'd been playing with her kids, talking to her wife, just enjoying the day and the meal they had gone out for. This was the result of that thinking. There was no way she could continue having the feelings she had been carrying around for so long. Maybe she would never forget, and maybe she would always hold that responsibility, but everything else? She had to let it go, for her family.

Whatever her issues, JJ knew she should have been responsible enough to end everything before it had gotten so far out of control. She knew she wasn't happy with Delilah; she should have ended it right at that realisation and then figured out why. But she hadn't, and what happened had happened. She had fallen into bed with Emily, repeatedly, turned to her, trusted her, leant on her, all the things you were supposed to do with your lover.

Not once had the brunette hurt her like Delilah had hurt her, and not once had she failed to show just how much she loved her. Emily was mindful and loving and ridiculously sweet. She remembered every important thing, she remembered every anniversary, and she found every detail about her not just fascinating but essential knowledge. As she always had, Emily had listened and encouraged and inspired. For the first time, JJ had felt like she could be herself, she felt so supported that she knew that anything she wanted to do or try, Emily wouldn't hold her back.

Emily had never put her in a box.

She had been there every single day through her recovery after she had been shot. She had organised everything, she had been there through the nights, every time JJ had been in pain. She had been there through the physiotherapy, supporting her effort and being her rock. JJ had been able to focus on her as she had been putting her life back together. Bit by bit her body began to feel hers again, began to feel under her control. And all the dark times, the low times, the times when she had been angry about being so 'weak', Emily had been there to argue with her. JJ had shouted at her more than once, told her to stop bothering her and babying her, but Emily had just stood fast, knowing JJ never meant it but it was just an outpouring of emotion.

When JJ had been back on her feet, Emily had been there to go walking with her, go jogging or running or sparring, or whatever she had needed to do until she had dragged herself back up to the fitness level she had been at before any of it happened. Luckily, there had been no real long-term pain in her leg, she'd accepted the IM rod well and mostly forgot it was even there. Her body had adjusted to having just one kidney quickly, in medical terms she had practically bounced back. The tough part was pushing through the pain and making the effort to get going again.

Emily knew her, she just knew her, and JJ hadn't realised how hard it was, how exhausting it was, to keep the pretence and the walls up until she had let them go. She hadn't realised how much of herself she had cut off for Delilah, almost like creating emotional tourniquets to stop the blood loss and the poison. It had been literally true, what she had said that day when she had been hurt; Emily really had fixed her heart. It wasn't sentiment or some corny thing to say, it was true.

''You saved me, you didn't steal me. This is _our _life, okay? We have nothing to be ashamed of.''

The blonde added, voice thickened with truth as everything had been going through her. That was her ultimate stance, the definitive conclusion that she had come to. Yes, they had done some wrong, but they had also done some right too. They hadn't been completely innocent, but they hadn't been completely guilty either. All three of them had been the good and the bad, and the ending had always been inevitable. The ending that would lead to Emily and JJ being together, because from the first moment, it had been glaringly obvious. The rest? It had just been a story to live and to tell.

''Actually I think you'll find that you saved me.''

Emily contradicted dryly, the essence of a smirk tugging at her lips as her dark, penetrating eyes sparkled with a renewed confidence. It was their life, JJ was right. And along with her wife Emily wouldn't and couldn't be ashamed of it.

''Oh don't make me kick your ass Prentiss.''

Emily quirked an eyebrow at JJ's retort.

''Hey, you're not the bionic woman, okay? You couldn't kick my ass if you tried!''

The profiler laughed lightly as JJ dropped her jaw in playful offense, scoffing lightly as she stepped back, beginning to walk backward toward the door.

''Just for that, you don't get the surprise I got for you in France! A surprise you would have had a _lot_ of fun taking _off_ me!''

Quickly, the teasing blonde ducked out of the bedroom, leaving Emily to try and get her mind to catch up with her. Bolting quietly out of the room, she pulled the door so it was almost closed before she listened carefully to see if she could hear where JJ had gone.

If it was possible, they were more in love now than ever before. If it was possible, they craved each other more than ever before. The sneaking around hadn't stopped; they still hid in closets and acted like kids sometimes. It was still fun and fresh, dark and intense, slow and loving and whatever they wanted it to be.

And eventually, Emily had found JJ and 'convinced' her to show her exactly what she had bought in France. And by show, of course she meant an _actual_ show, which JJ had happily provided.

XXX

''Okay baby girl, what do you want, juice or milk?''

JJ looked at her daughter patiently, watching as Tarrin decided what she wanted to drink. She had been running around for the past hour, and it had taken almost ten minutes for JJ to actually catch her daughter to swoop her up so she could take her to the drinks table. Tarrin had adamantly refused the idea however, squirming and wriggling for all she was worth, until JJ had distracted her by pressing kisses all over her face. The blonde, as well as her wife, had quickly found out some tricks of parenting to deal with toddlers. Tarrin wasn't an overly fussy or awkward baby, but she was still a baby! The 'terrible two's' usually started around eighteen months, as they had found out with the boys, and they had learnt how to deal with the negative and challenging behaviours that could be thrust at them.

''Duce!''

Tarrin squeaked happily, grinning as she bounced in JJ's arm lightly, happy that she was being given a choice. All three of their children had been rather…wilful, should she say. They were smart and as independent as they could be for their ages, wanting to decide things. That was just fine with JJ and Emily. It was why they constantly asked all of them about what they'd like to do or wear or eat or drink. They weren't little automatons; after all, they had their own individual likes and dislikes, and wants and needs. As best they could, they would always accommodate those.

JJ smirked, thankful that Tarrin hadn't wanted milk anyways because it would have meant trailing into the house. She picked up two kids cartons of juice from inside a cooler where they were being kept so they didn't get warm in the sun, and held them out in front of her daughter. Again, she waited patiently as Tarrin weighed up her options. She had been learning so fast, and JJ didn't want to curb that. She would prompt Tarrin if needs be, between her choice of apple and strawberry, but she knew her daughter knew what they were.

Eventually, Tarrin grabbed the strawberry carton.

''Sta'b'ry!''

JJ smirked as she put the apple back in the carton, and made quick work of pulling off the straw, sticking it into the carton, and handing it to an eager toddler. To say Tarrin hadn't been compliant about coming for a drink, she certainly drank with a vengeance right now.

Soft blonde hair shone in the sunshine, and JJ just stared at her for a moment as her free hand stroked through the strands gently. To everyone, Tarrin looked like her. To her, Tarrin looked like Tarrin. She saw in her something that she'd always remembered seeing in her sister, and it gave her an almost sense of peace, to think that she was in there too. Her daughter would be well guided.

''You hungry sweetheart?''

Tarrin nodded, however with her mouth still wrapped around her straw, she remained silent.

''Yeah, Mommy's hungry too. Let's see what we have.''

As JJ began to scan the snack table, she didn't realise anyone standing close by. Instead, she kept on chatting to her daughter, who would nod or talk or laugh, enjoying her Mother's attention. JJ handed Tarrin a soft piece of bread roll with soft cheese on it, which the little blonde in her arms was nuts over and immediately started to chomp on it happily.

They looked beautiful, so natural and radiant. The adult blonde had a simple, white sundress on, with sunglasses that had been pushed up onto her head for now. It had always been JJ's style to be reasonably minimalistic and simple, and she had always looked breathtaking because of that. Her own hair shone in the light, sea blue eyes dancing brightly. She was happy. There was no weight on her shoulders, no burdens to be noticed, there was nothing but unadulterated joy, the connection between her and her child blaringly obvious. Anyone could tell if they stopped to look, that JJ adored her daughter, worshiped her even. And the little girl sat in her arm obviously felt the same way.

It was right there for anyone to see, and Delilah saw it.

It moved something in her, both sadness and a delight. She had once dreamt of having exactly this, with JJ. A life and a family, babies that looked exactly like her. Part of her ached, because that had never come to be, and part of her was overjoyed because she couldn't deny what she saw in front of her. It was all that she had ever wanted, but somewhere along the line, it had fallen apart. Her dreams had been ruined, but if they hadn't of been, she now realised they wouldn't have come to pass anyway.

She hadn't listened to JJ enough. She hadn't paid attention, and because of that the blonde had withdrawn further and further, until she had become something quite different. Delilah had done that to her, and when JJ had then insisted that she didn't want kids, she hadn't listened. Too arrogant to believe the blonde knew what she was saying.

It had been difficult enough to walk in here, knowing she would have to come face to face with her past. It was harder now to be stood behind her, so close to everything she had ever hoped for, knowing that she could never touch it. Seeing the two of them together, it had stalled her. Delilah had been kept rather under informed, it seemed, because she had never known that JJ had a daughter.

Now she knew why their mutual friends had been reluctant to share information. It was…gut wrenching. It was bittersweet, which she guessed was a word that could aptly sum up her relationship with JJ. Every time she had thought of a sweet moment, it had turned sour with the bitterness she had felt for a long time. Knowing that something hadn't been real was hard to deal with, and Delilah had almost driven herself crazy going over and over it, trying to figure out where it had broken, if it had ever been real, what she had done. It had been a harsh lesson for her, finding so many truths about herself.

Part of her wanted to turn and leave. Just leave before JJ had a chance to ever know she was there. But her body wouldn't move, and her voice was a traitor because she found it tumbling out of her mouth and out into the air where she couldn't catch it.

''Hey, Jenny…''

It wasn't the strongest she had ever sounded, in fact, the Detective noted that she sounded as scared as shit. It caused her confidence, the little she had right now, to buckle threateningly. So she shoved her hands into her jeans pocket, hunching up slightly as she watched JJ turn around.

''Delilah…hi.''

No matter how much you prepared, the face-to-face impact was still both unnerving and terrifying. JJ felt her stomach knot as she looked across the short gap toward her ex-girlfriend. All that deceit and pain crossing her mind for a moment, remembering what it had been like and how much she wished she had made better choices. No matter how much Delilah had hurt her, maybe she had hurt her more. The cop had gone through their relationship with a happy illusion, and JJ didn't know which was worse, smashing that into tiny little shards, or cutting yourself off bit by bit.

There was an awkward pause, stilted and the silence was deafening. JJ studied her ex, trying to seek out differences. Right now, there was no bravado, no front or attitude that she had gotten so used to seeing. There was no cocky confidence or sardonic and cynical vibe. There was just a still, nervous lull. Delilah had gotten older, but ever more defined. She had always been beautiful, maybe now so more than ever. But there was a depth in her eyes, one that had been put there by her. A depth that only came from an experience of intense pain. JJ had placed that burden upon her, and she really did regret that. But she didn't shy away from it; it didn't make her falter either. Delilah carried her burden, just like she carried hers and had learnt to let it coincide with everything else.

Delilah was making much of the same observations. The most obvious change for course was the alert and curious child sitting in her arm. The other distinctive change, one that also made Delilah's heart ache a little, was the wedding band on JJ's finger. There seemed to be a change in her, the force of nature that Emily had always said she was, it seemed to shine now. Delilah could actually feel its presence, and wondered how the blonde had managed to stifle it for so long.

''How are you?''

The FBI Agent was the first to dare and speak, breaking the silence and making Delilah's eyes snap back to her own. The slightly younger woman shrugged gently, taking in a thoughtful breath as she nodded lightly.

''I'm still breathing, I guess. I'm doing okay. Seeing someone, too.''

The brunette cleared her throat, frowning at herself in vulnerable confusion as she asked herself why she had mentioned that. Did JJ need to hear that, was she really interested or what it a superficial thing to say? It had been something she had grappled with for a long time, the genuineness of her ex-girlfriend. JJ had helped her through a lot of things, and when they had broken up, Delilah wondered if those words or actions had ever been real too. It had taken a long time for her to accept that JJ hadn't realised that she wasn't in love with her, believing that she was so adamantly.

''That's good. Is she…I mean, did you…''

''She's inside talking to Claire. You know her actually, Eve.''

Delilah offered nervously, catching on to what JJ was trying to ask. The blonde let her eyes roam to the house for a second, then nodded slowly as she thought back to the people she had met in Baltimore through Delilah. She did remember Eve, the girl had been a beat cop assigned to Delilah's precinct. JJ had always thought that she'd had the hots for Delilah, but she had never worried about it nor thought about it very often.

''Eve, really. That's great.''

Delilah nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear as the breeze pushed it forward.

''And you? You got married, huh?''

At Delilah's gesture toward her wedding band, JJ looked down at it momentarily. Her engagement ring sat alongside it, representing her loyalty and devotion and love to Emily. Things that of course, she had betrayed with Delilah.

''Around five years ago, yeah.''

Delilah nodded, swallowing hard.

''So I guess it was worth it after all.''

JJ sighed gently.

''Delilah…''

''No, really it's okay. I just always wondered if it would be. I always thought that maybe, history would just repeat itself and the same would happen between you two.''

JJ knew what Delilah was referring to. Emily had told her about their conversation, and from the words in their break up, it was pretty clear what Delilah had thought would happen. Maybe even hoped would happen, at the time. She had expected them to explode too, that one or both of them would repeat their cheating behaviour.

''It didn't. We're…we're happy.''

Delilah turned her head slightly, gazing down at the ground, almost as though JJ had actually slapped her in the face. The blonde remained silent, knowing that her ex was trying to collect herself.

''Part of me is glad about that, because you deserve to be. But the other part…god, I hated you for so long, JJ. I'm not sure how I managed to survive what happened, but I did. You did something I'm not sure I can ever completely forgive you for, but I understand now why you did. Mostly understand, anyway. I should have been better for you, I just wish I had realised it before it was too late. Emily was right, I did trap you, I did belittle you, and love really is just a bloodsport and I learnt my lesson. It changed me…you changed me, and I almost lost myself but I didn't. I'm different now; you could see that if you had just given me the chance to change, but it's not for you anymore. It's for her. She sees me, like you never did. I may have been guilty about not seeing you, but you never saw me either.''

JJ knew that was probably true, and it was fair that Delilah got her chance to say what she needed to say after all this time. Though, however much she had changed, they both still knew it wouldn't have made a difference. Nothing was going to compare to the way Emily had looked straight into her, and nothing was going to compare to the way Emily loved her.

Delilah had never, and would never, have gained JJ's love the way Emily did.

''I'm glad you found someone like that; I hope you have everything that I could never give you. You deserve to be happy too. I just, I didn't understand that it was never going to be with me.''

The blonde replied honestly, shrugging almost helplessly. What else could she say? How much more could she explain herself? It had happened, and she had made her choices. All may not have been fair in love and war, but there were no more words in her anymore. She had explained herself so many times, she had said her apologies so many times, and she'd learnt to live with what she had done. There was nothing more she could do.

''Is this your daughter?''

Delilah motioned to the little girl that was watching her curiously, with the exact same eyes as her Mother.

''Yeah.''

''What's her name?''

''Tarrin.''

Delilah nodded, remaining silent as she felt a wave of understanding cross over her. It was fitting, after all. She was highly aware of JJ's family history, though it had taken a long time for JJ to open up just the slightest about it. The Detective had always thought there was more behind the story, but she had never gotten to the bottom of it. Now, with this little girl, and the freedom that seemed to be in JJ's eyes, it seemed that Emily had.

''Can I…I mean, would you mind?''

JJ looked at Tarrin for a second, and then stepped forward. Delilah held out her hands, and took the baby carefully, gingerly taking her into her arms so that she could rest on her side. Tarrin gazed at her for a moment, wondering who she was, but after thinking for a moment, the toddler offered her the last piece of her bread with a squeak.

JJ just watched, arms folded loosely across her chest, as Tarrin interacted with Delilah. She wasn't worried about the brunette holding her, she had always been so great with kids, and it was nice to see Tarrin open enough to interact with people. She was weary of strangers, but not ones that her parents were okay around. Somewhere, Tarrin must have known that her Mother wouldn't have passed her to anyone that meant any harm.

The moment of tranquillity however, at least for JJ, came to an abrupt end as she was slammed into, with little arms wrapping around her tightly.

''Mommy an Oscar is chasing me and I don't wants to get tickled but the pool is full can we play in it, _please_ Mommy?''

Noah blurted out all in one very quick breath, clinging to his Mother for dear life as he looked up at her pleadingly in between looking around for his other Mother and his brother who had been chasing him. Right now he was a little ball of excitement, practically bouncing on his feet, completely unaware of what he had interrupted. Completely ignorant of his parents' past stood right beside them.

''_Whoa_! Dear lord boy how much sugar have you had?''

JJ squeaked, forgetting for a second the fact that Delilah was stood right there, instead paying attention to her son as he gripped onto her tightly. It was slightly alarming how hyper he seemed, and she knew it was going to be an oh so joyous task to get him, and probably his brother, off their sugar high and home later. Then of course would come the inevitable sugar crash, and they would have to enjoy their delightful grouchy behaviour.

Before Noah even had chance to reply, he screamed in a mix of terror and enjoyment, as he saw Emily approaching, with Oscar on her back. Both making weird monster noises as they did. Noah jumped from foot to foot, before circling around JJ as he still gripped onto her as Emily chased him. She didn't notice Delilah either, too focused on Noah, and taking instructions from Oscar.

''Help!''

Noah practically climbed his way up JJ and into her arms, hoping that she would provide a safe heaven.

''We gots him Mommy!''

Oscar cheered, seemingly taking Noah's move as one of surrender. Emily turned slightly to high five her son, laughing as Noah stuck his tongue out at them.

''We sure did honey! Noah was working for The Rebellion, he had to be stopped!''

Suddenly it all became clear to JJ, they were playing Star Wars. Of course! However, it was cute that Emily got into their sons' little games as well, practically as hyper as they were. JJ really thought her wife could be stupid when she worried about turning into her Mother, Emily was the complete opposite.

Emily was so open to them. Every time they jumped all over her, or bounced on their bed in the morning, or ran around playing games, it was because they knew she was accessible. She was right there, and she was only too happy to roll around with them and get dirty or covered in paint or anything like that. They were so happy because of that, because their parents weren't above playing with them like that. It's part of what made them carefree, they knew they could get covered in mud as they explored, they weren't made to sit still and remain pristine. They were allowed to be kids. And JJ thought that maybe Emily was taking the chance to rediscover her childhood along with them.

''Em…''

''The boys want to play in the pool, so I'm gunna get their stuff from the car and get them changed. Where's Tarrin? You didn't give her to Claire, did you? I'd really like to see my daughter again!''

Emily both chuckled and grimaced at the same time affectionately, knowing how Claire loved to try and keep Tarrin if she got the chance. The toddler loved water, so Emily was thinking she could get the boys ready first and let them loose again, then change Tarrin and go with her to the pool so she could play in it. Emily loved to sit at the side and watch as Tarrin laughed as she flapped in the water.

Emily had completely forgotten about what today could potentially bring. Last night she had let go of the uncertainty she had been feeling, both moved by JJ's words, and then very nicely distracted by the blonde. It had been a long night last night, but they had been consumed in each other. The morning had brought laughter and giggling as the twins had amused themselves with playing with their toys in Noah's room, and it had been JJ that had rolled out of bed to attend to an impatient little girl.

They both loved the chaos in the mornings, the rush and bustle of getting themselves and the kids ready. It was usually a rare day that they managed to snag some time for themselves, if they did it tended to be before the kids woke up. So when they had the opportunity to snuggle quietly, or make love or sneak in the shower together, they did and enjoyed it thoroughly.

Today had been all about the kids. Getting them all fed and watered before tackling getting them bathed and changed, ready for today's party. As JJ had been getting Tarrin ready, Emily had gotten the baby bags ready, and Noah and Oscar had chosen some toys to take with them. They had their own little rucksacks that she had helped them to organise. They were excited about the party, as kids would be. There were a lot of families that Claire knew who was going, so they had plenty of kids to play with too.

As Emily had then taken a fussy Tarrin after breakfast, as she had been cleaning up the kitchen, she had smiled as she heard the music coming from the living room. Not only could she hear JJ singing loudly, but the boys bellowed out the words they knew too, and she'd found all three of them jumping about and dancing weird little dances and being silly. Of course, they had joined in. It was harmless fun, and the kids enjoyed it when their Mom's were silly with them too.

This was their vacation, and the more they could cram in the better.

''No, um, she's right here.''

JJ indicated forward awkwardly, making Emily followed her direction until she set eyes upon Delilah, who was still holding Tarrin securely. Tarrin laughed and bounced, waving slightly toward Emily happily.

''Is Mommy…''

The little blonde haired girl stated, pointing at Emily as she looked at Delilah as though she didn't know.

Delilah looked somewhat uncomfortable, and highly overwhelmed by the appearance maybe not of Emily, but the two little boys that looked so much like her. She had only just managed to keep it together with seeing JJ with a daughter, never mind these little boys. It just served to remind her how much she had wanted this with her in the past, and how much JJ hadn't wanted it with her.

''Emily.''

Delilah didn't want to make things uncomfortable for the kids, they seemed so blissfully unaware of anything, and that's how she thought kids should be. Just wonderfully innocent and believers in magic and all things special. She wasn't about to ruin their day; they were clearly having a lot of fun.

''Delilah.''

What more could they possibly say to one another?

Emily had stalled, especially seeing her daughter in the Detective's arms. Part of her didn't like it, part of her wanted to take the baby away from her. The other half of her understood. She was holding something that was denied to her, briefly mourning it, gaining closure.

Maybe this was all a good thing, meeting after all this time. Perhaps it would be closure for everyone? She and JJ could go back to work knowing that the book had been closed. The story that had been weaving through their lives now truly over.

Closure was a powerful thing, it allowed people to move on, allowed them to go forward without having to look back or carry those weights anymore.

The main character's had managed to reach their happily ever after, only they had a lot more than that. They had a real life. Of course there would be bumps and tough spots along the way, but they were bound together. The plot had worked in their favour, the storyteller forgiving them for their sins, freeing them from their emotional prisons.

The storyteller had been compassionate toward the turbulent sub character of their story, providing her with a sub story of her own, and a future of kindness and love. Whether she was loved or hated by those caring to glance into the plot, she had at least been acknowledged and given a fragment solace for all her sufferings.

All ended well that had started so very long ago, three very different lives raising three very different little girls who had grown up to turn into three very different women. A triangle that would always be bound by blood. However, only two would get the future that they truly wanted.

The demons would never stop, but they had constructed a world that gave them the ultimate reason to fight them.

''Hey.''

''Hey.''

JJ looked across at her wife as she climbed into bed, now changed and having made sure the kids were asleep and snuggled up. Emily shuffled across the mattress and into the middle, smirking as JJ started to make herself at home by using her as a human pillow. She tucked herself into Emily's side, throwing her arm around her and resting her head on her chest.

The echoes of the past were just distant sounds now, the flurry of activity that had consumed them with taking care of their children at the party following them home as they had gone about getting them ready for bed. Emily and JJ had taken it in turns to read to them as they had all piled onto their bed, but eventually they had been returned to their own beds with mutterings of 'I love yous' and kisses.

''You know, I thought our life was chaotic enough before we had kids. I don't think we even knew the meaning of the word!''

JJ mused with a laugh as she listened to Emily's heart beat steadily beneath her. She enjoyed being draped over her like this, it was warm and comfortable. Emily was running her fingers through her hair gently, something that she had always loved.

''It's worth it, absolutely. And you know, I think when Tarrin is two; we might just be ready for the 'one or two more' you mentioned yesterday.''

JJ sat up quickly, hearing Emily talk about having another baby. They had always said they wanted a big family, but thinking it and doing it were often two entirely different things. They had learnt to juggle life and work as it was, and they had only just managed to get it to a fine art. Adding another child would disturb that system, all those routines that they had managed to use to make everything work.

Still, JJ had never been a fan of routines!

''Really?''

''Really!''

Emily laughed as JJ climbed on top of her almost giddily, straddling her before moving in to kiss her senseless. The brunette didn't object to the kisses, enjoying every moment, including as JJ pinned her hands beside her head on the cushions.

''I love you.''

''I love you too.''

Life kept going, and nothing was going to stop them from living theirs.

And to complete their circle, as well as their blood soaked triangle, their story had been almost prophesised all those years ago in that bar. The bar that JJ had won her drinking game, the bar that kept a scoreboard of such events, and the bar that had been the place where she had first met Delilah Forrester.

JJ, to this day, was still 2nd place on that board.

What she had never seen, was that Emily Prentiss was the 1st.

Love was just a bloodsport, but after the blood flowed the peace and change.

xxx

''_I want to be a kid again_

_Combed down hair and Sunday best_

_See me staying home bunking school_

_Knowing wrong from right just rules_

_I wish I'd never seen your face_

_'better door than window' phase_

_I need an echo, not your praise_

_Straying from the point you nailed_

_My mother, my mother, my mother never told_

_My mother, my mother, my mother never told me_

_Love is just a bloodsport_

_Love is just a bloodsport_

_'Cause love is just a bloodsport_

_Love is just a bloodsport_

_Sex and love is not a game_

_A game is something you can win_

_Maybe something kind of fun_

_'Cause love is just a bloodsport, 'son'_

_My mother, my mother, my mother never told_

_My mother, my mother, my mother never told me_

_Never told me_

_Never told me_

_'Cause love is just a bloodsport_

_Love is just a bloodsport_

_'Cause love is just a bloodsport_

_Love is just a bloodsport_

_'Cause love is just a bloodsport_

_Love is just a bloodsport_

_'Cause love is just a bloodsport_

_Love is just a bloodsport''_

- **Bloodsport - Sneaker Pimps**


End file.
